Great video! Just something I perceived which may or may not be helpful..... Several times, Jayson said that a repair requires you to "say the right words". He also said that "Ellen and I need to hear different things". To me, Jayson was overly focusing on words, instead of underlying communication. A repair requires reconnection and healing through understanding, which requires communication. That may or may not include words. Yes, sometimes it means "I'm sorry, that was mean, I got triggered by this or that situation and regressed and something came out that lacked love or respect." or "What's happening for you?...... Thanks for sharing, now I understand. That isn't what I was trying to say, this is what I was trying to say. Your pain was based on a miscommunication between us." But it doesn't have to involve words. It can be a hug. Or a heartfelt apologetic look combined with a little head bow to express regret, then returning to vulnerable eye contact. Or anything that the two of you understand which communicates "I understand your pain, I'm on your team". If your partner gets the communication, that can sometimes be enough. If they get it, they can acknowledge it verbally. Or non verbally. For example, they can help transition the interaction back into love with some playful movement, or joke or game. While words usually help, they don't always need to be said, but the underlying communication absolutely needs to take place. Some researchers suggest that there are different communication strategies of how people are predominately able to receive love and acceptance - Visual / auditory / kinesthetic. So different strategies are probably more suited to different people. During this interaction between Jayson and Ellen, I noticed what I perceived to be this slight disconnect. With Jayson focusing on the requirement of "saying the right words" and Ellen not quite being satisfied with that explanation and wanting to expand on it. Perhaps that is due to the two of them sometimes needing to hear receive different communications in order to fully repair their part of the relationship, as Jayson alluded to.

What if you notice that someone just never cares, or if you are tired of them so easily upset etc. does this mean it’s not doable? I def don’t want to be the one always repairing and I can notice in my life right now that I would be the one needing to do the efforts of repair, but I would not get the same.