I found out that my ADHD is/was much more that my thoughts are hyperactive rather than my actions. I spiral easily and always feel like I have to do multiple things at once. I always wonder what school would have been like for me if I had someone who knew ADHD was more than just being energetic

I was in the "gifted and talented" program in school so I flew under the radar for years. Everyone joked that I could put so much passion and energy into something I loved but could not get myself to do things I didn't want to. Everyone thought it was a quirk. Now I'm 25 and struggle to feed myself

At age 70, just diagnosed a month ago, I am blown away at hearing things I've said coming out of someone else's mouth: "my turn never came". I am now truly "the adult in the room". Thank you , thank you for work. It is helping more than you know.

"I'm the adult in the room and don't need to wait for someone to acknowledge my needs." What a change of perspective and power shift for me to hear that. Thank you!

Nobody believes I have ADHD because I can sit still and be quiet

ADHD, has caused me problems since childhood. I had to have a nervous breakdown to get it detected. I was told by the psychiatrist it was missed because I was well behaved, intelligent and driven, aged 41. I think ADHD is often stereotyped, stigmatised, misunderstood, there is a lack of awareness, training, it can be misdiagnosed as autism, anxiety, depression etc.

I'm so glad you're talking about these things. I'm almost 24, a women and I just got diagnosed with adhd. I went to my doctor with a list of symptoms yesterday, incase I forgot things when I got there. He asked me what I was there for and I just started crying. I'm so tired of being dismissed from the people in my life just because my adhd doesn't look like most people think it should. He read my list and gave me tests for anxiety, depression and adhd. I'm so thankful somebody finally listened.

"It can be hard after a lifetime of persuading ourselves we don't even have needs, to know what they even are" Paraphrase from the 12:30ish mark --- wow!

I always learned that my needs just kind of... didn't matter. It wasn't my mom's fault, it was just a combination of a lot of different factors. I had three sisters and was always very independent, and so my mom was always trying to help them. (Also she had a really strong "Let's fix what's wrong" personality, instead of what I needed, such was a "sit and listen" personality. It takes me way too long to ask for help, even to this day.

I'm always amazed when someone can actually figure out WHAT they are feeling. That's really hard for me most of the time. Oh, except "overwhelmed." I have lots of practice with that feeling.

“You have higher needs right now” was usually where my thoughts stopped. “And my needs are important, too” was such a powerful message from you (and your therapist), that I had to pause the video to let it sink in (and maybe cry a little). It’s clear how difficult it was for you to talk about this. I am deeply grateful that you did it anyway.

My mom didn't take my ADHD seriously when I first told her about the diagnosis. Finally, a few days ago a lot of the pressures led to a conversation with my mom telling her how I've struggled on my own throughout my middle and high school years and how my "bad habits" that she was always disappointed in are how my ADHD had manifested itself in my life. Before this talk I always felt like she didn't understand me and I always felt alone, but now after watching a few of your videos with her, I could show my mom that ADHD affects literally every aspect of my life and makes some things harder to do than others. I hope anyone out there with ADHD is able to find the support system they need

Holy crud. That "the person you are trying to communicate with may not be able to meet your needs" thing hits so hard. I was even talking about this with my therapist a few weeks ago. It doesn't mean you don't love eachother or don't care, but humans survive with COMMUNITY. We don't give 100% of ourselves to one person. We have different people we can be whatever mix of ourselves we want/need to be in that moment.

I've been diagnosed with ADHD several times, and after finally getting a therapist and trying to address it, she's been trying to tell me that she doesn't think I have ADHD because "I don't look like I have it". All of the mental health specialists I've talked to have tried to instead diagnose me with bipolar disorder just because I'm a woman, and don't outwardly show how much I struggle. She thinks that I solely struggle in every aspect of my life (especially academically and socially) due to family-related trauma, when I've been doing so much research and learning about myself for the past four years just to understand and come to terms with having ADHD. I'm still struggling with the fact that I'm different from many people, and that I can't process information the same way a neurotypical person would. I don't know how to "discipline" myself, when none of the strategies that the people use around me work. None of the people around me will acknowledge that I'm struggling, and I don't know how to deal with it alone. It's incredibly stressful. Thank you for this video. It makes me really happy to see that you're taking care of yourself and seeking the support you need. I'll take it as inspiration and do something nice for myself today.

I grew up with a brother who had autism. As someone who had ADHD and also did very well in school, I don't think I've ever heard anyone else describe their childhood as being almost exactly what I also went through. Thank you for speaking about an experience that I didn't know if anyone else could relate to and making it feel and sound valid.

I recently got diagnosed at 23. I don't feel comfortable telling people I have ADHD because I think they wouldn't believe me. I think I have internalized a lot of the stereotypes about ADHD too, so I feel like an imposter even with my diagnosis. For example I used to have really good grades in school. As a kid, I often hyperfocused on homework! So that only worked for my benefit and since I didn't bring any trouble, no one suspected anything. Only after starting to live by myself and having gone through major depression and anxiety, was I able to go to therapy where my therapist saw the signs. I am in a much better place now, though still struggling and I can finally start dreaming of my future again. I want to continue studying and have a nice happy home with my cat :)

My brother was the typical hyper active adhd so everyone looked at him and was like yip he is adhd but for me I had inattentive adhd that went undiagnosed for 32 years. Everyone put it down to me being lazy, depressed, anxious, couldn't get it together and the meltdowns were "tantrums" and I was told to just grow up. When I was 32 my niece who is autistic and adhd moved to the same city as me and she mirrored my actions that I had as a child. I immediately did research and cause of this channel I went to get assessed and it came out I was adhd. Since going on meds my whole life has changed. I will never ever go one day without my medication. But with the mental clarity, alot of childhood things have come up that have caused trauma to me. I found out that my nail biting / hair pulling / skin picking was stimming to regulate and my outbursts and untidiness was emotion and executive disfunction. Information from sources like this channel has been so valuable and helpful. 🌸 Thank you for this insightful video.

I struggled with ADD my whole life, I recently got diagnosed this year. You were one of the first youtubers I watched. I honestly wanna say thank you for clearing a lot of things up for me!

I’m 37, currently undiagnosed, and I have been disabled since childhood. My physical needs have always dominated my life. Having psychological needs on top of that made me feel selfish because I feel like I already had so much focus on me due to my disability and chronic pain. Channels like this one have made me really recognize how much of my life might change if those psychological needs are met.

Thank you for making this video because I think you're going to help a lot of people with it. I just started to feel heard by learning much of what you said in this video just about a week or two ago because I got diagnosed with ADHD. I always thought I had it but I never wanted to get diagnosed because I felt like it communicated that people needed special treatment to succeed when I just needed the space to be authentically listened too. Expectations took away that authenticity. I also wanted to say that I feel like I believe that these lessons can be just as helpful to people without ADHD too and that it shouldn't be implemented or viewed as special treatment. I never thought there was anything wrong with me and I just felt like I couldn't communicate that without compromising on my beliefs. Anyway, thanks for reading this if you do, the things you've taught me on your channel are some of my most cherished. As a viewer, I trust that you know what's right and that you trust others to communicate to you when they disagree. Keep doing what you thinks best, it makes what you do here authentic and effective :)

i am currently in the testing off ADHD and ever since i watched you i felt "home" you make me feel welcomed and normal instead of what every one else says

I only got diagnosed this year, and also got told when I was like 4 and my brother got diagnosed that I couldn't have ADHD because as someone AFAB and already able to read fluently at 4 to 5 years old, learning to write and do math so quickly, basically it also was a "they're too smart to have ADHD". So it took 14 more years of being told I have so much potential, why am I not doing what needs to be done, why can't I grow up finally, why am I so emotional, and so on, until I finally got diagnosed. And even then, my mum still says things like "why can't you just do x", "Why do you forget everything" etc etc. It hurts so much and she is always so sure she is supporting me and that I have ADHD and shuts me down when I explain my symptoms and how ADHD affects me with a "I already know everything about it because I did research when your father got diagnosed". But obviously, she doesn't. Reminds me of that phrase "You don't bully someone for having ADHD/being autistic. You bully them because they are different from you." And now there is also a high chance that I may be autistic as well, and I am too scared to tell anyone, even my ADHD-specialist, because what if I am not taken seriously - again?

For me this has come exactly at the right time. I was in the process of being diagnosed with ADHD, and last time the clinician was quite dismissive about my struggles, saying it did not seem to impact me a lot. I stood up for me today, with a pre-written letter that I read aloud about why it does impact my life and I wish for and deserve help. I got my prescription in the end, and tomorrow will be the first day on medication ... I am so excited and hopeful!

“I believe you have a greater need right now AND I don’t want to neglect mine” is life changing to me right now. Thank you for doing what you do ❤

I was diagnosed at 22 and nobody in my life thought I would've had ADHD. I have combined so I'm always restless but never hyper, and I'm absurdly good at test taking so I got good grades. Whenever I tell someone I have ADHD I'm always surprised at how many myths about it people actually believe. If I had gotten treatment or structure growing up, I think I would've been a happier adult. I've always felt like I haven't lived up to my potential because I didn't know I had these issues until later in life. Luckily I'm on a better path now at 27 and finally making life changes to make my mental health better. Can't dwell on the past, can only make the future better!

It's really hard flying under the radar when a sibling or family member is presenting visible and/or otherwise chronic illnesses. I identify so much with this, and trying to learn that it's ok to have needs and to admit that it can be heck trying to live around the bigger need, both. Thank you as always!

I have a son with a rare form of epilepsy known as Lennox Gastaut Syndrome and he has special needs. I myself have anxiety, bipolar disorder and adhd and I’m a single mom of 3…I had to learn that eventhough my kids needed so much from me, I also have to protect my own mental health. Caregiver burnout is real and as hard as it is to ask for help. I’ve hit a point in my life where I need to accept help and find my own little village to help me raise my kids. It doesn’t make me a failure, a bad mom, or a lazy person. It makes me a responsible and happier person which makes me a better mom! ❤

Being diagnosed ADHD/Gifted and as a girl, but without intervention, meant that I wasted far too much energy with basic self control, instead of also using potential. Sometimes no one is to blame, life just happens. But people like you make a BIG impact in send growth, THANKS!!! ❤️🙏💞

I’m 25 years old and I recently found out that I have ADHD, I have living all my life with this and your videos have helping me a lot to comprehend more about ADHD and my situation. 😊

Oh, I definitely have a "flying under the radar" story. I was someone who was well on his way to becoming a physician, but fell off of the track 10 years ago when I finally had trouble in residency. It wasn't until maybe a year ago when videos like Jessica's helped me realize that recontextualizing my whole life through the lens of ADHD made a bit too much sense. I remember growing up having difficulties with reading comprehension and organization up through high school, but college was ironically easier since I essentially found a way to abuse what I later realized was hyperfocus at the time by getting into the rhythm of the all-nighter adrenaline rush before every test and most projects. And in med school, the "flying under the radar" unique to me was how there's a bit of an inside joke that every med student thinks that they have a little bit of everything. So when I got to the subject of ADHD, I just thought, "yeah, this sounds like me too," shrugged, and moved on.

I know you may not see every individual comment, but I’m commenting anyway just in case because your channel always helps me feel seen. I also almost always end up sending your videos to my mom as generational trauma is very real and affects us both in the ways you so well describe. Thank you for the work you do ❤️

Same same same! When my doctor tested me she said my testing showed that my brain is so hyper that it would most definitely affect attention and it's spot on. One of my biggest struggle in school was reading words on a page and not being able to absorb what I just read and sometimes it would take times reading the same thing or reading it out loud to be able to comprehend and remember what I just read. I always got good grades and didn't realize that alot of my anxiety was actually adhd!

I feel this message way too much. I was very typical inattentive ADHD as a child and it went completely unaddressed. Because I am above-average IQ, teachers would say "he's smart, he's just bored" which was true, but there was more to it. Due to family dynamics and relocating often, it became clear that my well-being was my responsibility. Others well-being was also my responsibility. When I received positive reinforcement it was typically for how quiet / patient I was. I was putting myself off for others and congratulated for it. That went deep into my thought process. It was also clear that others did not have the bandwidth or level of understanding to help if I did reach out..so I was my counselor. Being diagnosed this year, at 38yrs old, the level of processing my entire life's worth of being misunderstood (within and without) has been overwhelming. Processing concepts like "it's okay to ask for help" is a lot. Between your videos and others, I'm feeling my way down darkened hallways and starting to understand my brain a little at a time. Thank you for tackling the hard topics 🧠 🙏🏻

I recently saw a psych to be diagnosed for ADHD and Autism. Ended up with an Autism stage 1 diagnosis, but negative for ADHD. My psych specifically said that she did not believe I had ADHD because 1) I had not been diagnosed as a child, 2) I did well in school, and 3) I am co-morbid with MDD and GAD and the symptoms I saw as ADHD could be attributed to those. Really messed with me for a awhile, especially bc my therapist was pretty sure I did have ADHD

That first minute described my experience pretty well. Doing well in school is not always a good indicator that one does *not* have ADHD. In fact, as a person diagnosed with ADHD late in life who has completed college and done graduate work, I see ways in which my native ability to learn easily compensated for the things that were holding me back from doing even better in school. I was often a good student in grade school, college, and even grad school, but not always the best, because I seldomly had the patience and attention to do much more than what came easily to me unless there was a substantial external motivation or deadline to perform. It's probably a big reason why I never got diagnosed until just recently. I see now, however, ways in which this held me back that I previously attributed solely to laziness or lack of commitment on my part. This especially came to the fore in my first stint in grad school (two amd a half years of good grades, but never completed the thesis to get the degree) and technical education (lots of classes completed, but no certification exams taken to show for it).

Your words are exactly what I needed to hear. I have complex PTSD from childhood abuse and neglect, and I follow you because most of my symptoms are indistinguishable from ADHD. How freeing, to hear that my needs are important. Thank you.

Literally crying by the end of this video, feeling seen and understood. Thank you so much for your open and honest vulnerability and for sharing this content with us.

I just quit my job cause they wouldn't give me what I asked for and my ADHD kicked in and said "If they go give them you don't get dopamine. Find new job or we make you big sad again right before Pumpkin season." And so I did lol

I'm right there with you with the "my turn never comes around." I'd love to see that video on "how to get your needs met when others have greater needs." In recent years I've gradually gotten better at advocating for myself, but I still struggle with the rejection sensitivity, which makes boundaries hard. I do have a small number of friends that are excellent at being supportive for different types of "emotional needs/struggles." And I cherish them.

I got diagnosed when I was 27. The doctor at the time didn't explain much to me. I was like cool, and I always thought "ADHD isn't a big deal" like it's more like a personality thing. Now at 28, something happened and I just realized ADHD isn't just about attention and hyperactivity… I am getting med and support now. Hope everyone here is getting the help and proper information

I'm just sitting folding my laundry trying not to cry cause it's been so long since I had my needs met and I just got abandoned by a partner who I worked so hard to give to and she just.. didn't have it in her to give back :/ Thank you for making clear, kind, thoughtful and well informed videos. They feel like a light left on to help a body find their way home

I just got diagnosed yesterday at 32. Your videos were invaluable to me in understanding that I wasn't alone and I wasn't just a broken person. I have tried my whole life to put my thinking in terms that people would understand and I just never felt like anyone believed me. I was the youngest of 3 children and "flying under the radar" was exactly who I was my whole life, even though everyone told me how gifted of a musician I was. My older brothers always got more care and attention and my coping mechanism for so long was to not bother anyone with my struggles because no one seemed to care or get it. Your Ted talk moved me to tears and gave me hope for the first time in my life. While it hurts to know the struggles I had to endure could have been prevented, it is amazing to know that it actually does get better. That I don't need addictions or vices to help me function. I could go on forever, really. I start stimulants next week and while I have been grieving the person that I never got to become, I am actually excited to see how my life can change in a positive way. Your videos and your experience made that possible for me. I don't know if I could ever adequately thank you. You gave me purpose when I had reached my limit. I thought death was the only way out. Thank you for showing me the light at the end of the tunnel. You saved my life and my marriage.

I was diagnosed in my 30s after talking with friends who were already diagnosed. I think my biggest Grrr moment was talking to my Mom and having her say “yeah, I was pretty sure you had ADHD even as a kid.” I can understand not wanting to make the choice to put your kid on a controlled substance, but she never once told me about it when I became an adult until I brought it up. I was gifted too, did well in school too. My issue is mental hyperactivity, which manifested for me as emotional regulation issues. I still struggle with that and it’s hurt my relationship with my Mom

This lines up a lot with what's being chipped away at in my current therapy sessions. I'm realizing that I'm both uncomfortable acknowledging/ stating my needs, and that I've learned to ignore them so well as a means to keep the peace that I often feel oblivious to them and struggle to even know what I need now that I'm no longer in those old situations.

I cannot tell you how much I want to cry right now. This is something I’ve needed to hear my whole life. Infrequently believe wholeheartedly that I’m adaptable and don’t have any needs. I have so much to reframe. 😭😭😭 thank you so much for this

Thank you. I've been "shelving" my stuff to take care of my husband and kids(all have some sort of neurodiversity, I might as well), and when my husband started going to therapy, I could finally start taking my stuff off the shelves and discussing it. It felt so nice and relieving to have a conversation about my stuff, and have it stay focused on my stuff instead of it derailing to his stuff.

I struggled with ADHD my whole life. I just never knew my thoughts are on warp drive not my actions. That makes a lot more sense.

Thank you. I needed this today 🧸 I was diagnosed last week, at the age of 50, partly because watching your videos gave me the courage to seek a diagnosis. I was pretty excited, because things finally made sense. When I told my family today, I was ridiculed. Trying to not fall apart 🥺

I resonated with about 99.99% of this. Thanks for sharing, I really needed to hear it.

The sexism in the medical field is astounding

I had a friend once who was a taker. He kept on asking for more and more, and when I refuse to give my help he got really upset and would constantly ask me to give him help. I always got annoyed and felt bad and so I helped him out. The thing that I never really noticed just before not being friends with him anymore, is that he wouldn’t really help me with my problems or wouldn’t support me. Most of my ex-friends didn’t. It really affected my social media presence and who I could trust for more than half a year. But thanks to you, I am trying to move on and deal with this. Thank you so much!

🤣🤣🤣 currently in trauma therapy turned 40 this year. Finally figured out I had ADHD just last year.

my dad ruled out adhd because he never saw me running around or being very active when sitting still but the hyperactive part of me was in my head i run around in my mind and apparently this also wasnt something that any test in school came up with and my dad was really upset that they never caught that.

I'm a 37 y.o guy from Brazil and my mother used to be a nurse. Back when I was a kid ('87-'92), there was a bit of a push back related to "overdiagnosing ADHD" (at least around these parts), and through a home diagnosis test my mom decided that "well, if he has ADHD then everyone in the family also does" (probably due to lack of understanding of the test results and how to actually read them). Now, 30 something years later... it makes sense that "everyone in the family may also have ADHD" given it is actually hereditary... >.>

My needs were not being met for 33 years. I learned to help myself with what I could, and let go of some things that I couldn't handle. Everyone in my life just thought I was a lazy underachiever who had memory issues, and emotional outbursts. So glad my son got diagnosed, which led me to educate myself, which led me to my own diagnosis. My needs are being met and understood to a much higher degree now.

When I was four and already reading fluently, my brother was diagnosed as dyslexic. He got support and consideration, I was supposed to not "brag" about my reading skills and no one explained why. His needs were more important than mine. When I was ten, I tried teaching myself to play the piano in the basement using an old beginner's piano book. My brothers, watching TV upstairs, stomped on the floor to make me stop. When I complained to my mother, she told me I should be considerate and not play piano when they were watching TV. Their wants were more important than mine. In Jr. High, my oldest brother had a part in a musical play and practiced his singing part at night in the room next to mine while I was trying to sleep. I complained to my mom, and she said that he needed to practice. His needs were more important than mine. And so on and so on and so on. This video hit hard. Everyone's needs were more important than mine when I was growing up. My job was to be small and quiet and not be inconvenient.

I found your channel a couple weeks ago after my partner told me *her* therapist diagnosed *me* with ADHD based on a lot of the behaviors I exhibit. I laughed at first, but the more I've researched it, the more validating a lot of it has become. This video particularly clarified my lived experience. When I was a kid, my younger sister had a lot more severe learning disabilities and neurological challenges that required a lot of attention from my parents. So when I started having challenges that were smaller in comparison, my parents didn't acknowledge them and instead criticized me. They would say that I was so gifted, why can't I just do my homework? I could lock into video games for hours on end, why can't I pay attention in class? I could read a full multi-hundred page book in two days, why couldn't I read the assigned books from school? And behavioral issues? A great way to get slapped, hit, or thrown into walls and furniture. Now, 29, I realized that I internalized assertions I was lazy and ungrateful because my sister had it so much worse than me. I actually believed false narratives about how time blindness was a choice or ADHD was a sign of poor parenting. But having met people with severe ADHD in my life, and coming to terms with the fact that I almost certainly have it myself, I realize that even if I *don't* have ADHD (I'm gonna need an official diagnosis to see if it's not something else entirely), my challenges still have merit and we all need to be more communicative about our needs. So even if I'm a brain, a heart, or both... your channel is super helpful for people and I appreciate you affirming a lot of the experiences we all face!

Hey Jess (and team!), I wanted to thank you for making these videos and your channel in general. I was diagnosed with ADHD just yesterday (I'm 26), all thanks to your videos. It turns-out I never actually knew what ADHD was, and after seeing what the day-to-day life of someone with ADHD might look like in your videos (and realizing it pretty much perfectly matched my experience), I decided to seek diagnosis, which I now have. After struggling in school all my life, dropping out of uni twice, and just barely managing to hold-on the third time into a third year (albeit with the worst grades you'd ever seen), I now finally feel like I have a chance of actually getting my degree in mechanical engineering. Going undiagnosed for so long has unfortunately done a number on me and my mental health like you've described in your videos before, including daily suicidal thought since I was 13. But now that I have a diagnosis and finally feel like my entire life makes sense, I'm looking forward to a 'new' start (with the help of medication). So, again, thank you for all you do. I think I'm not exaggerating when I say that your videos are a literal life-changer and, in some cases, life-saver as well. Keep up the good work and I can't wait to read your book.

"The person I'm trying to get my needs met from... is not the right fit for meeting those needs." Brilliant insight. I think it's easy to think that we have a right to have our needs met and expect that of the people who care about us, but sometimes those people aren't able or competent to provide the support we need (and sometimes we aren't able or competent to meet certain needs of others!)

I feel this. Sometimes it seems like my go to phrase is, "it's OK, I'll figure something out." Or, "I'm fine. Everything's fine."

Jessica you are speaking straight to my heart. Thank you for your vulnerability.

Thank you, Jessica. This. My brother has dyslexia, and it was tough for him. He got support but still struggled, even to this day. My ADHD and autism (still waiting for assessments, but I am sure now) got through undetected, because I had good grades in elementary school, and did ok beyond that. Then my mom had cancer, and she passed when I was 18. And my father had a career. So I had to drone on, right? And to be fair, my parents’ generation knew this approach, they were kids during the war. Couldn’t focus on finishing my diploma though, and that’s when I crashed. Still undiagnosed, undetected. A GP, a neurologist and a psychiatrist couldn’t find anything. Now that was 30 years ago though, mind you. Sorry, I had to blurt this out after watching your video for 2 minutes. 😅 I will watch the rest now. 😊 Thanks again. ❤️

It sucks having this problem your whole life, and not being able to get what you need.

Your videos are always helpful, but this one is potentially one of the most helpful videos I've ever watched. I feel like this put a lot into perspective for me. I have the same problem and learned as a child that my needs aren't as important as others, and this video helped me realize I think this is why I've been feeling so burnt out with a lot of relationships in my life. Thank you so much for your videos!

I was never given any thought or compassion growing up when trying to express my struggles.. pushed myself way beyond the edge and ended up with severe CFS for 12 years. This year I got my ADHD diagnosis and am now trying to find the right medication, which is overwhelming and scary. Am 28 now

The “off the radar” has always happened to me 😭 before i got my official diagnosis, i’ve been telling my classmates, friends etc that i might have ADHD(inattentive) and i always got comments like “no way, but ur so smart how can you have adhd 🥺” or “you probably think you have it because you psychologically made yourself believe so”. Honestly ADHD till this day is heavily stereotyped and even undermined as “not as big of a deal” when it really is 😕. I hope things can change in the future as people get more educated

This phrase “I believe your needs are more important now AND I don’t want to neglect mine” will be helpful.. especially with my teen and adult kids. Thank you… I can stop feeling like a bad mom

Whilst I haven't been diagnosed with adhd yet, your videos have helped me understand so much of myself that has never made sense before

Your story sounds a lot like mine. My brother was diagnosed with ASD when I was 9 (he was 11), and so much attention was spent acclimating to his needs, mine were a little laid by the wayside. I was considered the ‘easy’ child, because of this, and placed a lot of pressure on myself to make my family’s life easier by not telling them when I was struggling. I’m now 22, and was diagnosed with ADHD a couple months ago. My family, especially my mum and brother, seem to be having a hard time understanding me and my needs now, because I finally feel like I have the voice to speak up about them. A constant refrain in my house is ‘you never used to be like this’. Don’t get me wrong, they both support me (and so does my dad, but he also thinks he has ADHD, so it’s easier for him), but I completely understand why your advice is to bring both people’s needs to the table, as it can be really harmful to the person not speaking up. Love your videos, Jess, they really helped me understand myself better

I'm 33 and just realizing I've had undiagnosed ADHD my entire life thanks to tik tok. Learning about ADHD has made a lot of sense of what things I do to cope with it and help me understand my fiancé and both of our struggles with ADHD and each others ADHD. I'm not sure what lead me to your channel, but I really enjoy it. I always associated ADHD as hype active and constantly doing things and I struggle to do simple tasks. It's fascinating to learn why I am like I am and not constantly wondering why I'm not "normal". I am "Normal" just in a different way.

Ive gotten so used to being the giver that it is way outside my comfort zone to except help when anyone tries to help. I just keep telling myself they are helping me because my failure is so obvious

I’m struggling a lot with this recently, people don’t seem to understand and I’ve been feeling so invalidated these past couple weeks, I’m messing up everything I’ve built with extra effort. Thanks for talking about this. Have you ever addressed how do you manage yourself to do KZfaq consistently? I’ve tried to start so many projects but it’s just impossible for me to stay consistent 😔

My struggle is getting the medication I need pre-approved. It's been nearly two months since my official diagnosis, and yet my ins. still hasn't PA'd it yet. 🥺🥺🥺🥺😥😥😥😥

Maybe this only works for introverts but I have found the most important skill to work on in life is effectively meeting my own needs or kind of parenting myself - that inner voice that directs me to the particular self care activity I need and encourages me take the time to do it. I do like to socialize with other people, but I generally rely on myself for getting my needs met - it's much more reliable! But I'm an introvert so I like to withdraw and have 'me time' reading, gaming, having a bath etc when I'm stressed or struggling with something.

As someone who was raised in SO much neglect, I really needed this video. Thank you.

That phrase, "I didn't know what healthy looked like." has been a huge revelation for me over the last couple years. I had too many factors in my early life that sort of better explained my personality and mental state that in many respects I was labeled as a lost cause. My little brother was diagnosed with ADHD sometime around 1992, but the stigma in my household was that he was a pariah because of it, which I think led me to mask any similar behaviors really hard.

There are so many valuable insights in this episode. There were at least 5 times that I thought, “This could be an entire episode on just this.” As always, thank you for your time and courage. ❤

This is the most relatable video I've seen on KZfaq. I remember back in primary school asking to see the teacher aides for extra help during class, but was told I didn't need it. After that, I never asked for help again. Over the next 15 years, I never put myself first, I always put the needs of my family first (father and brother in and out of depression states, and mother having a heart attack). I'd put university on hold numerous times over 10yrs to 'be there' and be the rock of the family. I'd see my family GP a few times over the years regarding my own health and would be told that I'm just feeling a bit down and just go cheer myself up. I didn't bother going back to ask about my mental health again (I'd become quite proficient at my own mental strength by this point). Fast forward to 30yrs old - working in my career as an Exercise Physiologist specialising in Neurological Rehabilitation and Disability, predominantly working with Autism, married with a 6 month old son. I go to a GP and say "Hey, in my eyes, I've got a house, wife, son and rewarding career that I don't need to be motivated to do - I should be happy, but aren't I?" She sent me to a psychologist to discuss CBT, and after 2 sessions he saw that I had Autism and ADHD. He asked me to pretty much recount my past and he said you've missed a diagnosis - not a commonly known thing 30yrs ago, so no one's going to check it. I had this internal struggle which I thought was normal, and my masking had become so 'normal' for me that I couldn't tell who the real me was. I'd always justify why I shouldn't be feeling the way I did in situations, that I couldn't even properly identify my own emotions. He said that ASD and ADHD can get exposed when severe levels of depression and anxiety hit, particular when your energy (that you would normally use to mask) is required elsewhere - maintaining a house, relationship, newborn and job. Skip to today, I have been trying to 'put down the mask' and let my mind and body do what it feels, and it has been amazing. The only downside - my day to day activities have become structured chaos 🤣 especially being on Christmas holidays. He is looking to get me officially assessed and explore medication in future. I see a lot of ASD and ADHD in children (particularly LVL 2&3) and work very well with them. But adult life is unfamiliar territory for me. Your videos have been the best discovery on here. Love your work ❤️

Jesus Christ. I didn't expect to cry this morning. My brother is also on the spectrum. My dad always said "your the child we don't need to worry about" he thought that until I was 27 on short term disability and almost unalived myself. I find myself hiding my struggles from the people I love the most because I don't want to add any extra stress. I find, I never had a relationship in my adult life where I havent been the giver . I don't have the means to give what I do. I give until I have a breakdown. My friend or partner can never give enough back. Thank you for talking about this.

Diagnosed last year at 48 - your channel has been an invaluable reference and learning tool for me. Yet another video that helps me to relate to things in my life, past and present. Great stuff!

Sometimes it’s the giver walking away from a taker person. I had to set more boundaries and detach from those relationships that are incredibly draining. This video is so powerful in being able to communicate needs as a giver.

That is the dialectic! Two things can be true at the same time. This is beautiful and deep, important work.

As a 15 Year Old, who recently Got diagnosed, i find these videos so inspired and hopeful, that i Can someday grow and not struggle so much. I love your videos and you’re so cool and strong. You’re really helping me understand myself. I hope you read this. Thank you so much for all you do.😊❤️☺️

My brother had a more severe form. I didn't know I had ADHD until I had kids and researched it. It made so much sense. Terms like Spacey Stacy and oh just show her something shiny and always being late or disorganized and the fact that being a mom and doing home maintenance tasks were so dang hard for me and why I was always so emotional and sensitive made sense. The more I educate myself the more I understand. You Jessica have been such a huge impact on my education journey. I thank God that there is you tube. Because reading books is something I struggle with. So thank you for breaking down these topics in simple clear ways of understanding how and why we tick and strategies that may be helpful and the fact that having to shift to a different strategy when it doesn't work is okay and actually needed. Thanks. Truely.

Its Amazing to listen to people who talk about ADHD and they dont actually have ADHD. So many "Almost's" or swings and misses even by professionals who think they know ADHD. Then when someone with ADHD Talks about ADHD,and Dealing with it their whole life... So many times I have to rewind and see if I heard correctly the things that hit home and that I too have struggled with are actually being said.

Reading all of your stories breaks my heart, but knowing that we get to be "the adult in the room" now and show up for ourselves, brings me some kind of comfort. I was a very stereotypical ADHD child and I was visibly struggling with every bit of life. I was a terrible student, talkative, forgetful, disruptive, I despised authoritative figures and I refused to comply. I was angry all the time!! No adult in my life cared, they all thought I was just a "complicated and troubled CHILD" and it made feel so, so alone. But in here, I don't feel alone anymore.

I relate to this SO much!! I made my needs so small when I was a kid. Growing up, my family was either too wrapped up in their own issues or they were focused on my little sister's bigger needs. It took me till I was 28, struggling with addiction and in a terrible relationship to get help. It's 8 years later and I have the tools I need to cope with most of my issues (bipolar and dyslexia). I still need to get tested for ADHD.

I had suspicions I had ADHD since I was 17-18 (my mom insisted I didn’t have it, and I FINALLY GOT DIAGNOSED AT 23! And I sought that help on my own when I was finally living on my own. The struggles are REAL! 😭😭😭

Thinking about the 8 minute segment, one of the most profiund and impactful things my father ever told me was 'relative pain,' that one's loss or tragedy is not a benchmark for another's and that the worst thing You have experienced doesn't outweigh anyone else's because you feel it was 'worse.' Suffering is suffering and it's so much less helpful to compare bruises than it is to bring aid and support. Rest in peace, you wise fool.

I am 44 years old and this past year has been the hardest of my life… and that’s saying something. I started a new business while running a family business and pushed myself to the brink of total exhaustion and burnout. I couldn’t figure out why I was struggling so much in my new business and was failing pretty hard even though I knew my talent was there. I’ve struggled financially for decades while changing jobs repeatedly. My life always seemed to be in chaos. I’ve cried abundantly and begged God to help me find my way. My answer came when I watched your Ted talk, Failing at normal. A lightbulb went off in my head as you described your life… my life. I was the poster child for ADHD as a child / adolescent but there wasn’t a diagnosis for it really back then. I’m in tears as I write this because I am so grateful to finally understand that I’m not just a failure, I have a brain that doesn’t function like others. Now I am seeking a diagnosis and treatment not only for me but for my daughter that suffers as well. Thank you for sharing your story. ❤

I can relate to your experience. I’m sorry that happened to you. It took me a very long time to acknowledge my own needs and to make steps to meet those. It is a kind of trauma I believe. Good on you for talking about this!! ❤

Thank you for sharing. I really resonated with your story and explanation. I’ve been the “giver” my whole life partially stemming from others needs, ignoring my own needs, but also the idea that “if I don’t do this, no one else will.” I think that really affected the way I navigate through all kinds of relationships with others. When you’re shown that you don’t matter, you really start to feel like and manifest it in the way you approach others.

I was the brilliant kid but lazy, the annoying, a big disappointment that was not going to get far. So far I haven't gone that far but I am on my damn way.

This just happened to me as an adult. My psychiatrist doesn't believe I have ADHD because I wasn't diagnosed as a child and will not prescribe me the medication I know helps. I'm so frustrated. So glad I have this community to turn to for support.

When I first realised my own neurodivergentness last halloween, your videos were very so to me to better understand what I was going through without having a diagnosis. I got diagnosed with combined ADHD on Friday:))) Thank you so for putting the information out there so well presented and easily accessable:)

This rings so true, thank you for sharing ❤ Having only recently been diagnosed I'm still processing that growing with this kind of pattern and not acknowledging my needs has created such imbalance in my relationships.

Still not diagnosed. Probably never will. Too many other things that are more important. This brought tears.

I just had a conversation with my mum last night where she said she thought I was faking the autism, depression and anxiety. I am on a waiting list to be assessed by ADHD, but her attitude made it so hard for be to get help. I feel like I am constantly fighting with my family to get help.

This video might be one of the best. It feels so wholistic. Amazing job communicating how specific adhd traits manifest as being passive. I’m literally struggling with that right now lol

Thank you for these videos. It took me long time to acknowledge my own needs. My friends still have some issues to really understand that I don't take my own time just because I don't like to hang out, but because I really need it.