Parkzer: will not shoot someone for drinking milk Doug: “he is the most responsible gun owner I’ve ever seen”

"I'm not a lawyer. I'm not a police officer." That's what all Lawyer-police officer-breastmilk enthusiast say.

"I don't know why I'm answering this guy so seriously he's obviously a troll" He says, after responding seriously several times to Doug's questions about assault with a deadly breast.

"What if I stole the Declaration of Independence?" "Good for you" Probably my favorite bit

TLDR: Doug loses money by forcing a lawyer who is also a cop to play Tetris and then spends the rest of the stream trying to convince the attorney-policeman to shoot him with his gun that he doesn’t actually have with him

This entire video is just Doug: Shoot me Parkzer: No Doug: But what if… Parkzer: No

Parkzer is like a master of everything, but describes himself as only "above average" and constantly belittles his own skills and accomplishments. This responsible gun owning, black belt martial artist, multilingual, tetris professional, typing prodigy, legal master attorney, gun enthusiast police officer-doctor hybrid is one of my favorite collabs with the bell pepper man.

“Laws are just suggestions.” -Parkzer, police officer, attorney and Tetris world champion

Currently in jail, but I just sent this video to my attorney, hoping he can help me out now that he's got advice from the world's best Lawyer Cop. I really think I'm innocent after shooting an evil moustache man falling out of an airplane without a parachute, begging to be shot, as he's breastfeeding, and if I didn't shoot him, he'd land on the train tracks in Idaho

I seriously can't believe that's all it would take for Parkzer to kill you. You'd think someone who went through both medical and law school would have more self restraint.

Parkzer: Lawful Neutral Doug: Chaotic Good Twitch Chat: Chaotic Evil

Love how at 25:20 Parkzer shuts down doug’s ear question so quickly that he has to immediately bail on the victory music & only the first half of the first note gets out

The true question to be asked is : If a train were racing full speed toward 5 people, and the only way to make it stop was to drink all passengers breast milk, would he drink the milk before, or after shooting the 5 people in the head ?

This is such a great video, there's a reason that "funny man" and "straight man" is such a timeless comedy pairing.

"I don't answer unrealistic questions... No I won't shoot Doug for breastfeeding on international waters"

The takeaway I get from this is that Parkzer is in charge of the executive, legislative and judicial branches of the government, and is also the inventor of guns.

This is hilarious. Parker is so serious and you are so ridiculous, you form a comedic duo. I want more of parker

I played this in the BG while I was working and I cannot stop laughing as the conversation topics escalates.

parkser subtly claiming he has a more refined sense of humor compared to doug, then slowly be broken down into laughing at the fart sound effects is probably my favorite part of the video

Parkzer: I would not execute a man in the grocery store for having breast milk Doug: Bro he’s like SO responsible

39:40 I like how Parkster prioritizes correcting Doug that he's not a cop instead of pointing out he would not shoot anyone. The commitment...what a real cop.

10:47 “If somebody pointed their breast at me I would not shoot them.” - Parkzer. Same

Parkzer's actually correct with the speed limit part. Many of the DMV handbooks and driving teachers will recommend you to drive at what is safe for traffic, even if it violates speed limit.

Did the math, it would take about 63,521,677 bullets to stop a 195,000 kg train going 916.667 m/s with a 0.00804 kg 9mm pistol round going at muzzle velocity(350m/s). So Parkzer is wrong, if we all put our dog cheese up for sale, we could raise enough money to buy 63 and a half million bullets to stop a train from rolling over our side character, Doug.

I know that one guy was talking about the podcast as a joke, but I would seriously watch a parkzer and doug podcast about stupid gun questions any day

"I will not kill a man in cold blood for breast feeding" Doug - "You are so responsible!"

I love doug hyping Parkzer up and Parkzer just trying to correct him. I especially like “you might get disbarred!” “I’m not a lawyer!”

To think that this is where Parkzer started appearing on the channel. Kinda crazy how prevalent he’s become in two years.

38:05 Doug: If you win 2 more in a row, he will shoot you. Doug's Orchestra: 🎺🎺🎺🎷🎷🎷🎻🎻🎻🥁🥁🥁🎷🎷🎷📯📯📯 Parkzer:"I will not shoot you" Orchestra:😐

Their personalities are completely different yet they fit each other so well

These two make such great duo they should get a Sitcom: "Doug & Parkzer- Streamer and Cop Lawyer" the laughtrack is already there so 90% of the work is done.

Video: 0.76% games 99.24% doug trying to get parkzer to shoot him

Man, Parkzer was a cop, a layer, a Tetris champion, a musician, type racer champion... Just the jack of all trades. So talented

It feels like Doug has ascended to a higher, stranger dimension than his mortal human friend.

The moment at 25:04 where Doug keeps trying to play the music is honestly one of my new favourite DougDoug moments

Personal highlights: 4:35 - So good at tetris 5:51 - Supportive 8:40 - The salute 9:08 - Grocery store 10:43 - Self defense 19:52 - Skydiving 20:42 - Hostage situation 38:08 - Pew

Parkzer was a huge inspiration growing up, I always wanted to be a doctor-lawyer-officer!

this was one of the funniest streams in recent memory like the absolutely UNHINGED straight man and wise guy comedy duo energy between parkzer and dougdoug is absolutely delightful

Why did I put this off for so long, thinking "eh I don't really care about guns". This was brilliant, Doug's chaotic energy gets brick-walled by Parkzer's down-to-earthness. 😂

32:16 - the "twitch chat controls the gun" thing is so crazy to think about. i want that on a movie or tv show or something. i mean, the record would be right there. whoever types "shoot" would be on the log. ...and would anybody actually do it? surely somebody would do it, but if you knew/thought the gun would actually go off, would somebody actually do it? gah - my head.

Finally, a video with the most talented Lawyer and Cop there is.

responsible gun owner, taekwondo black belt, Tetris master, humble as the lord Jesus Christ. what a man

PSA: Doug has changed the title of this video Parkzer used to be a real lawyer, but now he is only a “real” lawyer.

I will miss chat and Doug teasing Parkzer for being a lawyer or cop (he's neither) and him denying it every time. It was a good bit. I'm sure we'll find Parkzer, the manager of a Wallmart, a new job title.

Doug's gun knowledge comes exclusively from Red Dead Redemption, and it's hilarious

I love that Doug and chat are just talking random stupidity and questions that doesn't make any sense and he's still trying to answer it seriously...

"This guy clearly isn't an actual lawyer" chat members say as Parkzer spends the entire stream reiterating that he isn't a lawyer

19:10 sneeko and charlie drama a year before it started

Just to clarify, Parkzer is not a real gun

"You can fill in the gaps with breast milk" is perhaps the best sentence I've ever heard in my life. Edit: Ok I take it back, "You can milk my family all you want, that is not a life threatening offer" is the best sentence.

19:00 It's called a magasine!

The entire stream in a nutshell "I am not a lawyer" "I am not a poilice officer" "I am not going to shoot you"

Parkzer is truly the epitome of Lawful Good

Loved Dougs extra goofiness in this steam while Parkzer was trying to be serious 😂. It made it so funny to watch.

Kinda weird that the only thing stopping Parkzer from killing literally everyone he's ever met is whether or not he goes to court over it

I love how Parker is just 100% serious. He obviously knows that 95% of this is jokes but they really work well together.

18:44 I don't know if this eventually got brought up but even if the train did have an obscene amount of momentum (which it does) enough bullets could technically stop it, because each one reduces it by some amount. However, the reason that the bullets wouldn't actually be able to stop the train (unless you fired them like all at once) is because the train has an engine which produces more energy that goes into keeping the train going forward than the bullets can impart into it to stop it

This is genuinely the best Straight Man & Wise Guy duo I've seen since Abbott and Costello. Absolutely incredible stuff, please bring him back for more!

This is unironically the funniest video ever. I put this on the background and ended up getting really invested at how Parkzer is so insistent in not shooting Doug and how he is seemingly not sick of saying that he’s not a lawyer nor a police officer.

I unironically love Parkzer so much. The dude is hilarious and I don’t think he even knows just how funny he is.

33:48 This got me more than it should have. That was just genuine, unironic, golden humor. I love this duo

I absolutely loved Parker's persistence. He never got tired of keeping the facts straight, despite the absolute futility.

this vid is criminally underrated, its just an hour of doug trying to get Parker to shoot him and its so good

I love the juxtaposition between these two and the humor that is coming from ONE person in chat getting extremely pissed off by the joke to the point that they say, "I'm considering reporting this." *Chef's kiss*

“What if Doug was planning to kill you?” “I would ask him not to” Killers: Well shit that’s all you had to say.

It wasn't until NEARLY SIXTEEN MINUTES into the video I recognize that Doug is simply harassing this poor man and that I love him for it while still feeling bad for Parkzer but I mean it's kind of his own fault for agreeing to join Doug I mean really. Harass away, DougDoug.

Wow, to think that Parkzer would become would become such an integral part of the channel after such humble beginnings.

I love these twos friendship because Doug and Parkzer couldn't be more of like... Opposites if they tried. Parkzer is this logical upright lawyer cop who follows rules and keeps things orderly. And Doug is a madman who regularly fights the Alphabet while chugging Olive Oil.

This is what happens when law and chaos personified became friends

Ten minutes of this is actual gameplay, while the 30 other minutes is Doug trying to get parkzer to find a situation where he would shoot doug

19:06 Douglas Douglas and Parkzer did the "Magazine not a clip" before it was even famous

Doug: "Parkzer, would you shoot a guy if he was breast feeding in public?" Parkzer: "What? No!" Doug: "Guys, Parkzer is the most responsible gun owner I know!" Gotta say Doug, the standard you have for somebody being a "responsible gun owner" makes me really happy that you don't have a gun!

I love this Doug guy, Parker should have him join on his streams more

The success music that starts happening around 25:05 is why I love Doug. Doug's super silly humor with Twitch chat contrasting Parkzer's serious, rational responses was the funniest thing ever. Loved this.

A clip holds bullets on a metal slide piece (ie: strip). A magazine (aka mag) holds bullets in a container with a spring, it feeds bullets towards the top of the mag. this enables the bullets to be picked up by the bolt carrying group. There are box mags, and cylindrical mags. As for most machine guns, they are belt fed. For belt fed weapons, bullets are placed on a bandolier with links allowing the weapon to essentially pull through a feed tray allowing the weapon to cycle.

18:50 HE PREDICTED THE FUTURE

Thanks to the two of you, I have finally solved the train dilemma after 30+ years of life. Thank you, Doug. I wouldn't have expected you to be the source of this inspiration _at all_ , but then again, you _do_ solve problems that no one has. Professionally.

Oh gosh I can’t believe this guy agreed to appear after the Faendal incident

Is Parkzer a human? He seems like a robot that was programmed to follow the law the fullest extent and doug found him and his teaching him humanity

The question about twitch chat controlling a gun via chat is unironically a legitimately fascinating hypothetical, as a law student. My first impulse is to assume chat would be liable, assuming they're fully aware that the gun will fire

I have never seen a more experienced cop/lawyer in my lifetime. Parkzer is an amazing person and I hope to see the sequel when he finally shoots Doug.

If Doug went skydiving without a parachute and was about to land on Parkzer, but if Parkzer pulled out his gun and shot Doug he would be able to divert his fall so Doug wouldn't hit him, would Parkzer shoot Doug?

"'Laws are just suggestions" - Parkzer, Lawyer' -DougDoug, KZfaqr, Chef, American, and Bismuth Investor

My honest answer to the trolley problem is that I would attempt to derail the trolley by pulling the lever at just the right moment. I’m not saying it would work, but I would try.

Pls more with parkzer, it is always interesting to her the knowledge of a cop and an attorney

I love how this channel has been dougdoug dessert, dougdoug detention, and now just dougdougdoug

40:43 after an hour and a half you reinvented the trolly problem

Translation on Parkzer's Behalf: I do not see the law as just a list to prevent crimes, but also as a general guide of ethics. Some parts of the guide are often ignored, such as the Georgia law that states that no one can put ice cream in their back pocket on Sundays to prevent horse theft, or how in California, you can't eat a frog that died from a frog-jumping competition, or in Arizona, you can't put a donkey in a bathtub. Driving above the speed limit is technically illegal, but it is not enforced unless you drive much faster than the speed limit. This is why I see the law as a suggestion, and not just a set of rules, although it's technically both depending on the law. Wow, that Police Officer Attorney, Parkzer, sure has a way with words!

Gotta say, loving the constant Doug uploads now.

"You can milk my family all you want." -Parkzer, 2021

I really appreciate the level of professionalism parkzer replies with to every one of Doug and chat's absolutely bonkers ridiculous questions. Parkzer is my favorite addition to the Dougdoug cinematic universe

19:05 a magazine stores rounds in preparation for firing, a clip loads rounds into internal magazines (most commonly found on older firearms). Most modern firearms have external magazines. Also automatic firearms can have magazines or clips. Fire selection (automatic vs semi automatic) doesn't influence whether a firearm has a clip or magazine

doug is unironicly the first youtuber you can watch like 18 times and still laugh at whatever is happening

You should have guests like this on your channel more often. This was such a fun stream.

I love how Doug is never discouraged by his stone cold responses😂 it's really nice they're good friends even tho they're opposite

Let's not forget he said he would find some chemicals to save Doug after he fell. So he's a doctor/lawyer/cop

I like the contrast between parkzer who lives in a very reasonable and logical sphere and mindset, and then... There's Doug.

20:53 - "You can milk my family all you want"

I love how real is in quotes, rather than lawyer. Implying that parkzer might not be real, but definitely IS a lawyer