I don't wanna be here anymore

Рет қаралды 107,901

2 жыл бұрын

This is not a love poem unless you want it to be
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🔰References
-The narrator is Iness J
Her email.
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-The music was created by Mayday
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🔰My equipment:
I film handheld with a Panasonic Lumix
G80
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🔰I don't wanna be here by illneas
Poetry
Existentialism
And your eyes that reflect the worlds you saw
You said "coming with me is a decision"
Even though we both know that the chemical reactions in my head
won't allow me to choose
Programmed by my upbringing I deluded myself that free will exists
Temptations masquerade themselves as feelings and
words cut like razors through my skin
The unexamined life is not worth living
However, I have trouble sleeping at night
I need to get out of this place
But the stubborn illusion of fate won't leave me alone
Why am I thinking like this?
Dilated pupils
Short breaths
And the audacity to try and quantify my feelings
I tend to lose the point in-between
This is maybe why I need you
I remind myself that life is about perspective
And my feelings are the result of a story I told myself
Or maybe you told me to tell myself
Words masquerade themselves as feelings and
temptations cut like razors through my skin
What about you?
Do you just feel things?
Like all the other humans we used to mock?
Do you just act based on your emotions?
If I knew the exact reasons I feel this way about you
Would I still feel this way?
If I don't care about what you think of me
Then why does it hurt so much?
The chaos around me
Is tired of me trying to figure it out
And patterns start to emerge through the shadows
I'm lost somewhere between
Poetry
Existentialism
And your eyes that reflect the worlds you saw
Maybe they also reflect the worlds ahead of you
all I know is that
"I don't want to be here anymore"
You smiled and said
"then come with me"

Пікірлер: 271

@seemranhoro1572 2 жыл бұрын

"To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering."

@jeyaprabhasanjaypragash5828 2 жыл бұрын

You have a bright future!

@carlosb.1541 2 жыл бұрын

was that not from jordan peterson?

@karmalhendupbhutia717 2 жыл бұрын

👍👍👍

@jamesgreenldn 2 жыл бұрын

I realised this after reading Victor Frankl, he was able to survive the Nazi concentration camps by finding meaning even amidst the misery of the camp. He found that by finding meaning in their life an individual is able to endure and overcome their suffering.

@Zampirezz 2 жыл бұрын

Why do we need to find a meaning there are billions of humans and I have bigger priorities

@anindyade2960 2 жыл бұрын

"If nothing saves us from death, at least love should save us from life." Pablo Neruda

@pixelinox1698 2 жыл бұрын

This channel is one of the first thing that made me fall in love with poetry. Because of it I started to read more and more poems and at one point I started to write texts myself and i found a passion in Wich i discovered myself. Thanks to this channel:))

@thawancamara1191 2 жыл бұрын

Coool, this is definitely something nice to read in a Sunday morning! Congrats :))

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

I'm so happy to read that, take care friend

@horatio.5899 Жыл бұрын

are you vietnamese ?

@umarshaikh3930 2 жыл бұрын

“I had two longings and one was fighting the other, I wanted to be loved and I wanted to be alone” ~Jean Rhys

@lst_sul2118 2 жыл бұрын

Love this quote ❤️

@immortalsugimandudeguy 2 жыл бұрын

I haven’t heard this before, thank you! That embodies how I feel. I want to love so deeply and so intensely, but I cannot comprehend how to love or even wanting to be with someone. It’s a purgatory of loneliness, but at the same time, happiness within the solitude.

@Ivan-hc3tk Жыл бұрын

Wow feels good to finally know am not alone:) Somehow something just clicked in me as I read this

@palakshukla1719 4 ай бұрын

I am trying my level best to make my desire to be alone conquer my love for being loved. I found a way in nature...alone gazing at the stars, i don't think face mortal face would light me up as a shooting star does.. Only problem is....I am 22.

@StrikerCup79 2 жыл бұрын

“then come with me” made me burst in tears, i hope that one day someone would say the same thing to me and i hope that they would loved me the same way i hated myself, i hope that if the person will come they won’t leave me because of who i am instead they will love me for the way i am. that is what i needed the most.

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Take care friend, better days ahead

@SadieStewella 2 жыл бұрын

“Love me the same way I hate myself” WOW 🥺 that hits me SO hard. Thank you for sharing 💛

@kayanono Жыл бұрын

I also thought that. She said she would do exactly that. I kinda hate how i fell for that

@cookienut1288 Жыл бұрын

"The chaos around me is tired of me trying to figure it out" This particular part stood out for me. I think it's perhaps the reason why we get stuck so very often, some things aren't meant to be figured out, the complexity is what we need to understand and not simplify. Something's are complicated the way they are, and we must love them like that, or we don't. People, tasks, struggles, everything is a ball of threads interwoven in different patterns, trying to unlace them will leave us both tired.

@illneas Жыл бұрын

love this analysis

@maribel-andree1998 Жыл бұрын

Maybe poetry is one's desperate attempt to reach out to another lonely soul in a world that went quiet.

@snehaantal2026 2 жыл бұрын

No definitely you're not the 'kid with a camera' anymore... This is a piece of art. Keep going dude.

@illneas Жыл бұрын

heheh still a kid

@lefortbeatrice6183 2 жыл бұрын

"programmed by my upbringing... patterns..." these ring so strong through the physical... That's why many don't wanna be here anymore... Wanna escape to be free... To almost live another kind of free suffering... Strange to say but that's how it feels. Amazing work! ✨

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

I'm glad that it was relatable, despite my nerdy approach on feelings

@lefortbeatrice6183 2 жыл бұрын

@@illneas ✨

@noorabd6185 2 жыл бұрын

Each time a poem touches mysoul like this I feel like it’s like a candle lightened inside….

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you once again ❤️

@githala_manisha 2 жыл бұрын

Recently I've been feeling like this and it's horrifying as how accurate someone else's words can be for me. The way you put these feelings in words is just beyond amazing. Thank you for always comforting me through poetry and your impeccable videography. Keep going internet friend!

@prashantsisodiya1772 2 жыл бұрын

Exactly, this beautiful art is so alike to what's going on in our lives, and you, your camera and editing is marvellous..... Just love it ☺️

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Awww that's so sweet, thank you so much

@blackalectrona Жыл бұрын

I know. I know. It's gonna be okay.

@OT7forever777 Жыл бұрын

Yep Isn't is beautiful and shocking that someone unknown can know you very well but not someone who loves you or you love

@sparkyfromel 2 жыл бұрын

wanting .......not wanting but still the mote of dust dance in the ray of sunlight

@kitsuujujitsuu4025 Жыл бұрын

The line "cuts like razors through my skin" is so sharp It's like a razor that cuts through my skin

@LuxuryBeatsMusic 2 жыл бұрын

We will always be here because as a thief once said to a police officer when caught red handed; “we all gotta be somewhere”. He was asked “what do you think you’re doing here?”

@devikae7087 2 жыл бұрын

I honestly don't wanna be here anymore....

@Anettsky- 2 жыл бұрын

sometime I feel the same but I remember I read somwhere something like '' we all die one day, all of us , no excuses, no exceptions but not all of us know how to live...so i guest this is our chalange (learning how to live and to love yourself)

@eternalkino34 2 жыл бұрын

devika ?? what is you mother tongue how did you end up here !!!?????

@devikae7087 2 жыл бұрын

@@Anettsky- thankyou for your kind words hopefully I can , maybe when the storm ends idk ;)

@devikae7087 2 жыл бұрын

@@eternalkino34 probably as you guessed from my name I'm an Indian, malayali! and the second question ... idk the answer now I'm here..

@eternalkino34 2 жыл бұрын

@@devikae7087 maybe you watched "For Twenty Year Olds Who Have Never Been Loved" and decided to follow the channel And yeah I am from Chennai and this is one fine channel

@sashadideeda9825 2 жыл бұрын

… “and your eyes that reflect the worlds that you saw”…this got me… a person’s eyes tells you exactly what you need to know. Brilliantly done . You are becoming a master at what you do…. Never stop… never give up💖

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

a picked up that phrase from a friend

@phalgunirajkumar4858 Жыл бұрын

The words are so good but what makes this even better is the accent of the lady.

@bonthuharshavardhanreddy2343 Жыл бұрын

This hits home. I've resonated with the above topics and feel this way often at night. I applaud your wonderful skills, bringing the beauty of poetry to the screen, coupled with beautiful imagery and captivating music. I would love to collaborate with you one day!

@mooonshroom Жыл бұрын

I feel pain 99% of the time. But the 1% I'm happy I'm watching your vids

@Forit26 Жыл бұрын

Hey, have you tried getting professional help?

@Jatinevim 2 жыл бұрын

It is crazy how many people can relate, even myself... yet I feel so alone with my thoughts... It is just so hard...

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Take care fren

@simranjeetkour1407 2 жыл бұрын

the poetry + the voice +the visuals + the background music slowly grasped my mind and it puts me in awe every time 🍁

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Aww 🥰

@fatimazoughaib282 2 жыл бұрын

Not me hitting like even before watching the video cuz i am pretty sure it is outstanding as usual

@tylervanmeter5628 Жыл бұрын

The words in your poetry are great, but the way they are read in your videos is what makes the words divine!

@swarali2904 2 жыл бұрын

Wow, it's almost criminal how you put these feelings into words. Thank you for another thoughtful poem. Curious to know what artists you look up to for inspiration, if any.

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

pls don't arrest me, thank you so much

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

I look to may things for inspiration, the painting on the thumbnail was one also the song Woolworm by indian summer

@swarali2904 2 жыл бұрын

@@illneas 😂 wouldn't dare, need more of it , if anything.

@swarali2904 2 жыл бұрын

@@illneas cool, thanks 💙

@laibakamran3745 2 жыл бұрын

Poetry admiralism. I love how connected words can make you feel with people who suffer or survive with corresponding feelings in matters of love. Eloquently written, intensely felt.

@estkng03 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for that moment The colours, the violence and the softness of it is incredible .

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Awwww you are too kind, appreciate you

@yatharthsharma4013 2 жыл бұрын

This is already my favorite! Even though it is not out yet!!!!!. Lol 😁😌

@divinelyh 2 жыл бұрын

"Words cut like razors through my skin ". It made my eyes to shed a tear 🥺

@Gloomy_Vieve 2 жыл бұрын

I’ve always had a fascination with poetry and this channel has showed me so many beautiful poems, some of which have become my favorites

@billipta3573 Жыл бұрын

Felt everything word by word... i cant even explain you what i am feeling right now!...i've have officially fallen in love with your channel and your poetry....

@lorifromtemeculaca426 2 жыл бұрын

I wait for your new videos like I'm waiting to take a deep breath. You so exactly capture the plethora of unexplainable feelings so many of us have. You nail it EVERY time!!!

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

You are too kind, thank you so much

@shaguftashaheen765 2 жыл бұрын

The endings in your poems are always my favourite part.

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

People rarely remember the first thing you say, sometimes they never forget the last. Thank you for watching

@shaguftashaheen765 2 жыл бұрын

@@illneas It's a pleasure to be here.

@shaguftashaheen765 2 жыл бұрын

@@illneas Indeed. And some people are too careless to remember any of them or even things that are in between them though.

@Whirlwind990 2 жыл бұрын

wow your editing is getting better and better! your original pieces are so good

@pmcg5200 Жыл бұрын

Powerful. Beautiful. Thank You.❤

@rosellcollart9335 Жыл бұрын

This is so beautiful!!

@hossainshariarchowdhury 2 жыл бұрын

Where will we go, you take me heavenly somewhere, as all wish might be fulfilled there. 🌌💫

@ahxishhajcjd Жыл бұрын

i rewathing this again, and again im fvcking crying

@Vroix02 Жыл бұрын

Definitely one of your best if not the best.

@godevil8228 2 жыл бұрын

This is so effortlessly beautiful fr 🫂

@Shallowworld9236 2 жыл бұрын

much anticipated... loving it ❤

@maggieshaheen8701 2 жыл бұрын

The editing and the vibe of this video is new and unique!!! Great work

@illneas Жыл бұрын

thank you for checking it out

@frogchair 2 жыл бұрын

Your level of artistry is just getting more and more wonderful! Been following you for years and this video really impressed me! The poetry and music is amazing as always, but the footage and the transitions and the filters was so dramatic and perfectly done! Great work, please keep it up 💕💕💕

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Aww thank you so much for the comment and for sticking around

@grimnirnacht Жыл бұрын

The ending, just 🖤

@ayeemnr 2 жыл бұрын

Man! Everything about this video is perfect. I loved the narration so much! The videography is amazing, too. The music. Everything. Pure art, Illneas.🌻

@illneas Жыл бұрын

@elsa6337 2 жыл бұрын

I've decided I'm going to quit my job tonight and I get this notification "I don't wanna be here anymore", yeah Universe I heard you well EDIT : done. Thank you for this chanel

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Damn good luck fren and take care

@Scetchye Жыл бұрын

This was very good. Thank you!

@dumass804 Жыл бұрын

Your words are really beautiful. This reminded me of when I was going through life with a deterministic mindset when I first started thinking about these things. It made everything so miserable because it made me feel like I had no control over anything so there was no point in trying to change anything or be better because in the end it doesn't really matter what I want and maybe what I want isn't even in my control. I thought I was just another spectator of my life, only from the inside unlike everyone else who could only see the exterior part of my life and not all the best inside bits. I started feeling really suicidal. That's actually when I found your video about the morning after I killed myself. It helped to put things in perspective for me. Even if I have no control - which I don't really believe anymore anyway - It doesn't stop me from enjoying whatever good things I have in life and it can never stop me from being me - and overall I'm actually quite happy with the person I am so that isn't too bad. All that is to say thank you for making these videos. You saved my life back then. And you put into words a lot of things that get stuck in my head and don't know how to come out.

@65-ayshasiddiqua8 2 жыл бұрын

This is one of my Favourite illy video i must say...& i feel like you just wrote the lines that i wanted to say or i am feeling right now! So relatable 🌸

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

I'm glad I'm still able to produce things with meaning

@void3824 2 жыл бұрын

Amazing as always.

@lalaland1383 2 жыл бұрын

i find life overwhelming...so beautiful..yet so sad.making so many mistakes...a sadness in my soul i just cant get rid of.ty for this .

@its_leyl.a 2 жыл бұрын

yet again, one of ur most unique videos. thank u for this.

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Appreciate Leyla, I thought of experimenting on this one

@Saturns48 2 жыл бұрын

I love the whole piece. The film matched with the poetry, and the parts read with desperation. The last lines are a couple of my favorites...I don't wanna be here anymore...you smiled and said...then come with me❤

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much Carolyn ^^

@afd5231 2 жыл бұрын

«Existentialism is a humanism» Then come with me ...and let me hold your hand🎶 Disturbing red and black but soothing ending words. Talents💙

@jennifercesario9238 2 жыл бұрын

This was beautiful ❤️

@mklntr2044 Жыл бұрын

This video was really amazing. It was different from your other videos. Thank you for making such beautiful things. Good job :)

@illneas Жыл бұрын

thank you for giving me a chance to evolve

@me.bikramjitsaha Жыл бұрын

This channel is amazing at this art, every time I get wrapped in the velvet curtains of this exceptional poetry

@user-vv7og1gt7t Жыл бұрын

These words are coming from my soul through her words and music. I don’t want to be here anymore….

@Mary-vm9cv Жыл бұрын

The last line though

@themindof_mine9433 2 жыл бұрын

Wonderful as always! The music, the poem, even the thumbnail! Well done!

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the comment, please write more, create more, whatever you want. You are so talented pls

@themindof_mine9433 Жыл бұрын

@@illneas thank you sm :‘) will definitely do!

@EdgeHellfire 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this, I appreciate your hard work

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you mate

@Sh67817 2 жыл бұрын

Absolutely beautiful ❤️

@lst_sul2118 2 жыл бұрын

" I don't wanna be here anymore " 🎐

@abdxfilms 2 жыл бұрын

Dude, this is another level 🔥

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Ahh thanks

@Fromtheforgottengardens 2 жыл бұрын

i loved this line Maybe they also reflect the worlds ahead of you all I know is that "I don't want to be here anymore" You smiled and said "then come with me"

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

🥰🥰🥰

@grimnirnacht 2 жыл бұрын

I love the ending 🖤

@alifewithpoetry 2 жыл бұрын

This is my new favourite. I adore your filming, editing and overall production. The scarlet tones blended with monotone truly enhances the presentation. My heart bled into your beautiful poem effortlessly. Her emotive narration speaks to my soul and the music is perfect. Profound work ❤️❤️❤️❤️

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much T

@gr8omar129 2 жыл бұрын

This is insane! well done illnea

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you sm

@fdfac 2 жыл бұрын

This channel and work have value and worthy of subscription and thanks.

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Damn thank you

@santiago8497 2 жыл бұрын

Men, the end give me shivers down my spine, i totally frozee, so great.

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

😊😊😊

@lisan.8891 2 жыл бұрын

Where do I start? This video is wonderful! The colors and images chosen, the atmosphere, the mood and the effects are just beautiful. The music to this very appropriate and rousing. As if that were not enough this masterpiece of a poem. I will watch this video very often and always discover new aspects in it. Thank you for all the energy and love you share with us

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

Awww I'm rewatchable that's such a compliment

@elenarey2440 Жыл бұрын

perfect like always i wish i could describe it with words:))

@malakia184 Жыл бұрын

I've already left.. Not coming back!

@jisookim4981 Жыл бұрын

I'm not much into poetry, though I like some, and this is the one That I absoloutly LOVE this really speaks to me your poetry is beautiful and the last line...I never thaught before that "then come with me" may can be the answer to someone who wants to leave this place I'm delighted I accidentally found this♥️

@kimberlykozar6671 Жыл бұрын

Thank you.

@rathulartz 2 жыл бұрын

Your poems are really good it brings some kinda clarity in my thoughts , sometimes its just a ball of hope , a reason to live again. It turns the mess in my head to a message , keep writing man really appreciate your works and words ."Being flawless starts with flaws"~me

@illneas Жыл бұрын

awww thank you so much

@archanaadhikari3821 2 жыл бұрын

can feel every line❤

@iwonaboszko8473 2 ай бұрын

Amazing ❤❤

@poem Жыл бұрын

I would love to do a voiceover for one of your videos these days, before I quit.

@meg9272 2 жыл бұрын

BRAVO!! 👏

@marshalljbg1980 2 жыл бұрын

A masterpiece... Really...

@tomarkadi6612 2 жыл бұрын

I don’t live, I just destroying time

@mthokozisiskhumbuzo4273 2 жыл бұрын

Ooowee this promises to be a good one ☝🏽 I’ve already set up a notification…😁

@flamingaish 2 жыл бұрын

thankyou.

@_di-liw_ 11 ай бұрын

It feels more like "then come with me" is said to me by someone inside me, as if they're sucking me in because it was my decision to go with them in the first place

@Ayyappa_beatz_official 2 жыл бұрын

I love this ... Love ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@chaditeen25 2 жыл бұрын

Given my encounters with the facts of the human nature thus far regardless of location, I simply decided to end it for once and for all as no meaning is worth all the suffering "just for the sake that I was born"

@sherifel-alfy7271 2 жыл бұрын

I also want to go with you.....there's no room for me here anymore, there's nothing left of me and I just need everything to stop.

@emmakrumm6399 2 жыл бұрын

I don't know how much I'll be able to think about this poem, but one thing I noticed and I'd like to share: The first shots in this video are of standing at a window, and it looks just like the end of the last poem published here. Only last time, we heard the words "At least I'm still breathing". And now the picture is violently stained with beaming red and this poem begins. To me it reflects what I have felt, talking to my beautiful friend who suffered from depression. The days where she seemed to get better, talked to me, had a strong day. And I so wanted to believe that a better day means better days ahead, and next she was all getting much worse again. Worry. Wound. I really hope all of you have a bright day. Or a bright moment between all the others.

@illneas 2 жыл бұрын

You need an award for noticing this, I wanted the previous poem to make it in 2 parts and it changed on the last minute... But this scene transition stayed because it looked cool and I thought someone might notice it