I am 25 and I laugh at 19 year olds who think they have squandered their life, just the same way a 60 year old dude laughed at me when I told him I squandered my life. Perhaps that 60 year old guy is laughed at by 80 year old dudes for thinking the same thing.

Maaan, story of my life. 25yo male, no car, never had a gf, still live with mom, no real career, the whole package. But I’m ok, I’m a late bloomer but I’m still blooming. Studying for programming, getting a car in October, everyday I’m getting out of my shell, I’m all good. Once you stop worrying about what others think you lose a lot of that shame. I’ll start dating when I’m 27, but I’ll focus on myself first.

this kid is lucky he's realizing it so early

"Society expects you to be perfect, and fast" Dr. K, in an older video.

If a 19 year old is THAT worried about this sort of stuff, then me at 31 am probably doomed and didn't even notice that I'm basically drifting in life

22 starting college over again. I don't mind myself being behind, I can take all the time I need. But it's painful not being able to support my parents who are visibly aging

"ya I feel behind" and it turns out it's a question asked by a 19 year old. me being 30 "oh...."

I am in a PhD program (I am in my 40s) and sometimes younger applicants to our program that have really high GPA and are very competitive are not accepted because of their attitude. My strength when I applied was my work experience and the fact that I came to it as a blank canvas, ready to learn, assuming I know nothing. Because I have more life experience and have worked on myself, I made myself more competitive than my younger counterparts and by the way, I am thriving!

I'm nearly 24 yo male, had a stroke around 2 years ago, still have a hemiplegia on my dominant side and still can't use my hand and arm and leg fully functionally, university dropout, never had any relationship in my life, heard this got my hopes up a bit because during this time, I mostly spending my time on learning about myself, my values, what I want from life and philosophies.

"Comparison is the thief of joy" I'm a video game and anime nerd with ADHD, almost 40, and by no means in the societal success category. I've made a lot of mistakes and had a lot of jobs (over 100). It is extremely easy to tell myself that time has been wasted. The problem with this line of thinking is that it creates a mindset that being "behind" is bad. The most recent job I've gotten, the experience I have in several fields is actually an asset. The real lesson here is that drawing from experience is an asset. The full quote “a jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one." is meant to convey this. Nobody is born knowing what to do, and everyone, everywhere, is trying to figure out what to do with their life and how to do it well. Some people have situations or environments that are more conducive to their goals. If there is anything you can change, change what, where, and who you spend time with. Having a goal is helpful. Small steps are easier than larger ones. A mountain was moved by carrying small stones. If I can give any advice, it's that giving yourself a goal to focus on can carry you through a lot of shit. If we are lucky, we find something we are passionate about. I suggest doing something you know you can do to put money on the table, to afford something you enjoy first---find your passion second. It's not as difficult as you might think to have the two overlap, but it is not necessary to "be successful", which is easily subjective on a personal level. When you play a video game you have objectives that can be clearly ticked off. It works in real life to. Be specific. Keep yourself busy, every step you take is one step further than the version of yourself that did nothing. I've spent a lot of time with trivial things, people and places that may not get me anywhere. To spend the rest of my life regretting those choices is to hate who I am for just as long. I think it is better to forgive and forget. To grow from where I am. I am not perfect. We are all human. I am now making a living wage for the first time in my life and it feels great. I didn't get here without a lot of work related to specific, measurable and attainable goals. It's not the same map for everyone, but I believe as long as you can breathe you can change. The parts of life that build progress are boring. Greatness (as a label best given by others) is often built when no one is looking, and often applied without knowing. Be yourself, take care of yourself, and pursue your goals. May they all come true. Godspeed. (Channels like this are a blessing. Thank you for your time and expertise, Dr. K and the folks at HealthyGamerGG.)

I wish that people my age (28) made a post so I could relate. I am too far behind, the diffrence is. i'm 28. Not 19.

I had the same thoughts in my 20s. I kept thinking that it's "too late" for me to try some new things, or to get really good at things that I was already doing. The thought of "falling behind" kept me from even trying, and looking back now at 31, if I had started doing something in my 20s I would have had 10 years of experience by now. But I also understand that I was dealing with a lot more anxiety and depression back then, and I needed to get to a better mindset to do things without a massive brain fog and emotional drain. I literally moved my life to a different country 3 years ago and just finished a degree to change my career (many of my classmates are like 7-8 years younger than me). EDIT: The problem I had with catching up in my late-teens and early-20s was that everyone kept telling me "you're young, you have time to figure it out", but no one taught me how to figure it out, so I kept "falling behind" for years.

I was forced into a career I hated by my parents. I bailed for good at 40, spent 10+ years or so in relative poverty trying to dig the real me out from under the disfunction, and am now in a new career that has nothing to do with anything else I'd ever done, but is the first job I actually love. I lucked out with some things, and depended on friendships I made for others, and I'm finally doing work that makes me happy. One thing that kept me going was all the stories I've read/watched/played. We always love the underdog, we feel for the guy who's down. I tried to have that attitude for myself, and it kept the depression and stress down just enough to keep going. Having these videos back when I was fresh out of school would have made things a LOT easier; I had to find out a lot of these therapy techniques through experimentation and random searching and various "healers". I'm really glad this channel is here, and that this knowledge is out in the world now where so many more people can access it and not have to struggle quite as much as I did. Keep going guys, it gets better but sometimes you gotta battle through some tough levels!

Currently 24, very unhappy with the education I did and my current work. I've always been fascinated by people that could draw well but I kept saying "I dont have the talent" or "I didnt draw as a child like they did" or that it is too late. I started drawing little over a month ago, staying consistent in the hope I can make something out of it. It's never too late lads, you can do it!

I was gonna be like 19? imagine the same feeling amplified a few years later.... than i remembered i have been feeling like this since around that age too, it just never went away xD When someone tells me "life is not a race", i just think "yeah but it would probably be better if i had reached my goal sooner"

I'm currently 28. For the first 27 years of my life I spent the majority of my time gaming - I still did my basic duties like school and eventually work but my life was very centered around games. It wasn't until I moved out where I realized wow I prolly shouldnt have done that, and often I do lament about all the time lost (I even made a video about it). Still, I fully embraced the "life is not a race" mentality and started working on myself. Today I am happier than I've ever been knowing that I still have so much to experience and learn. I've learned the only thing that can get in your way is comparing yourself to others - "Comparison is the thief of joy" as they say. If life is indeed a competition, let it be against your former self.

i am 32 years old and i have just started my career a year ago. I grew up in an extremely disfunctional family and i finally had to cut contact. Summed up, i have lost 7 years in comparison to other people. i am trying to get a car in the next year.

36yo, started to try to fix my life at 30, not doing well but at least is better than when I started

When I was 37 I decided I had to try and do something with my life. With my wife's support I went back to college to finish a 2 year program in comp science. That program was transferable to a local university where I continued my education to get a BSc in Comp Science. I was then asked by the university if I wanted a position studying for a master's in comp science. I eventually graduated with a master's degree. All this took 12 years as I was still working full time while going to school. So at age 49 when I had finished my MSc I had a choice of quitting my dead end job and going out into the world, or sticking it out for 6 more years and taking a full pension and early retirement. I chose early retirement, and have not regretted it. You can start over at any age but by the time you finish you might have changed as a person and your initial reason for starting over will also have changed. The journey to me was far more enriching than the final goal.

I really needed to hear this as a 26 year old who has dropped out of University and am about to give it another try starting next week.

Holy crap! "The person who's fallen behind is the person who's gotta catch up" That really hit hard in a good way! I never thought of it in that way. I'm currently working in transitioning careers but I'm struggling with my phone, gaming and anime addiction to the point that is incredibly difficult to stay focus.

I didn't take my studies seriously until I started going to university at 24. Don't compare yourself to others.

Shit im 33 and still feel like I have time. You have a chance guys!

I got my first real full time job at 27yo. I'm glad I'm on the right path and doing what I need to do, despite all the problems. Everyone has their own paths, and comparing makes no sense. I don't have depression and focusing on what matters.

Literally how I've felt the past 3--5 years of my life. Funny thing is that i HAD a fulltime job making decent money, was in decent shape, had a lot of friends (I THOUGHT. Turned out they weren't really my friends), even had a leadership position at the mere age of 19. Then it all came crashing down on me when I was around 23 roughly. I literally ran face first into a wall and just bounced so far back it feels like I'm back to 0. Anxiety, I got overweight. Discovered I have a funky neck from an injury i suffered playing ball back in the day. With all this I just lost absolutely ALL of my confidence in anything. Haven't dated for years, had 3 years without doing jack shit but waking up to browse the internet for useless things to kill time along with gaming. Gained some severe weight from bad diet, snacking to cope with it all. Recently had a turn around and in the past 3-4 months I've come over the worst anxiety. Found a 50% job. Lost about 36 pounds since last summer and recently got a gym membership where I go 3-4 times a week. Still struggling on the dating front (not that I've even given it a try) and I've yet to get a fulltime job but I've found the path. Just need to take the steps now. Not sure if I'll "catch up" but I'm more into making a life that's worthwhile for myself now.

I have always had negative experiences with social interactions (bullying, loneliness, feeling misunderstood) to the point when I was crippled by anxiety and depression in university. Right before the pandemic hit I talked with my doctor and a psychologist. A year later I got tested for autism and got an official diagnosis. Now I’m 25 and I have zero social skills. However, for the first time in my life I am able to ‘unmask’ and explore my identity. I started journaling and meditating. I decided to write an autobiographical book about my late diagnosis. I also decided I wanted to become an illustrator, even though I have two Master degrees. I am well aware that I have a huge disadvantage compared to people who’ve been drawing since they’re a kid or people who went to art school, but that’s not the point. I learned to not compare myself to others, only to my past self. Even though I have a long way to go, I am able to see the huge progress I’ve made. It’s never too late, whatever you want to do with your life.

I really resonated with the line, "You can tell someone who got an F on the test to dedicate to studying in the library everyday to get an A. What you need to remember though is that the person who got the F is the one who needs to execute that plan" Its empathetic statement that stresses the importance of taking on other perspectives. If you can't look through your own lens or another's, then you can't give advice or make plans to improve which will work no matter how good they seem. For instance, if you are trying to follow a workout plan your friend, who naturally gains muscle quickly, uses vs you who doesn't, chances are, you won't have as much success. If you make a plan that incorporates the fact that you ARE you, then you'll find more success.

That level 1 run idea eased my perspective. 30 years old no education and just recently have distanced my self from my crabs in a pot family. I did beat dark souls level 0 though. I got this. Thanks Dr. K.

32 and I'm way behind but I've felt that way since I was a teenager. I saw others doing the things you're "supposed to do" but it didn't appeal to me. I don't really care much for comparing myself with others since they have lives I don't really want. However, the thing that's bothering me the most right now is not having a gf. It's difficult to get one when you're an introvert who don't really enjoy the company of people.

I'm a 27 yo industrial Design Student, I just failed an annual class, twice, and I have to do it all over again, I feel much better watching this, I'm really greatful for this channel. Thank you Dr. K.

For some perspective - I’m 25, lived out home since I was 19 years old, I've had a successful IT career for the past 5-6 years working for a few big companies which included an engineering and law firm. Now I've realised that I actually don’t care about IT at all and feel apathy going to work everyday, however I almost feel “forced” to stay in the industry because I have a family to support. We all take different roads to get where we want, I tried to min/max to get to end game and "get ahead" but now it’s “too late” to change my build. In retrospect, I wish I took more time and still lived with my parents and could go to university now rather than having to decide if I want to stay in something I actively dislike for the money and flexibility, or dig deep and struggle to study while working full-time and make sacrifices for something I "might" like more.

The fact so many of the comments are in their early 20s and thinking this is depressing. Imagine being in your late 30s...

literally stressed out of my mind because I failed my first year of college and I need to tell my mom about it (fortunately I'm in Europe so not that costly but failing make you lose the ability to be funded) I'm scared of how she's gonna react but atleast I feel a bit better now

This is insane, I was literally just discussing about falling behind with my therapist ten minutes ago. Dr. K you're a wizard

I have a wife, son and live on our own, but I'm disabled and don't have a career. I lose sleep wishing I could do better for them, but I thank God for what I have

After graduating university in 2020 I was job hunting for 2 years when others were already working for a years in my field at that point. Also, I was just entering my 8th year of being single at the age of 24. With every rejection you might get angrier at life and feel like it's no way to catch up, but let me tell you something, don't mess with the passive experience, because for me it showed up when it mattered the most

I relate to this, I'm 23yo and spend last 10 years depressed (diagnosed at 13). I spent my teenage years lost, anxious, wanting to die, thinking I won't live past 18, but I did and I don't know what to do next 😅 If I was a little braver I'd just end it but can't bring myself to do it, so I have to live. I don't really have goals or dream, just don't want to be a burden to my parents and become independent

I see your videos from time to time and they're incredibly insightful. I have moments where I fall into this mindset where I feel behind, but my friends, family and even my wife let me know that I should go at my own pace. My grandparents used to say that I'll figure it out as I go along, don't sweat it too much. My mom would say that It'll come, be your best self. And work hard. Now, I'm 26, halfway to 27 and been married for 3 years and been together for almost 5. Not at lot of people get married at that age now a-days. We've been through quite a bit more than the average couple and I'm not saying that to disparage or something to be proud of, just I don't hear a lot about this stuff with peers around my age. she's had to go into surgery twice due to bowel issues, and in 2020, I fell terribly ill, slowly withered over a year and a half and, finally recovered and got into remission earlier this year. Although things are looking up and are improving, nothing is guaranteed, and so we try to tell each other how much we mean to each other even though we still have our issues to work on. 'Rome wasn't built in a day' after all. We're a work in progress, and that's okay. We're using the hand that we've been given to the best of our abilities. Thanks for your videos Dr. K they're always a joy and insightful to watch.

Thx Dr. K & team. Another great video and subject. This one completely up my alley. I studied engineering, graduated during the birth of facebook and youtube. Pursued the dream to work in animation, mexican working conditions led me to find alternative roads to develop independent content. It's easy to feel behind when you function in a DIFFERENT DIRECTION than the entire industry.

Typical Mindset of a 19 year old. I used to be the same. I was falling behind due to Mental health reasons. I had to take time off to recover. I recently got my first Job this year at age 23. I'm doing well at the Job. I'm not too concerned about "Friends & Relationships". Just need the money to go out on my own and have my own fun.

Y’all youngins are lucky you have dr K. I didn’t have dr. k when I was 19. I’m almost 30 and super far behind

30:00 ish.. Your "level 1 runs" metaphor reminds me of my experience in Dark Souls 2. The idea and comparison you made makes sense and actually feels encouraging 🙂

Started to do what Dr K says in this video 2015. I've been 24, workless for more than 4 years. Back then I didn't know him, had to figure it out myself. Wish I had input/help like this. However, things turned out well, took me like 2-4 years to catch up. Finished University, found a wife, etc. As he said, beeing behind gave me some skills that are really liked by others, even if I'm still awkward. So keep on doing. 'too late' doesn't make that much sense actually.

so glad dr. k put out this video. I needed to hear this a long time ago, really good to know that someone like me out there will hear it too. the journey of my adult life has been learning to accept that almost anything can be good work - especially working on yourself.

I messed my life up bad and am very behind. I am not sure its salvageable at this point. I got addicted to heroin at 16 and did not get clean until I was 33. Now I might be sober, but I am so far behind my peers in so many aspects of life that I am not sure if I can end up in a happy situation. I have no degree, no network of friends, no significant other, no career, no kids.... nothing. I recently turned 40 and about all I have going for me is that I am sober and debt free. I plan to try and do my best to position myself to get a significant other, make friends, and at least be heading towards a better job. If I cannot accomplish these things (or at least be well on my way towards them) in the next 2 or 3 years I am going to throw in the towel. Hopefully I can salvage a little bit of happiness out of my life, but I guess if not that is the price that I have to pay for my mistakes... Fingers crossed though. Anyway, do not do drugs people. Even if you do not die or go to jail, you will waste precious time that you will never get back. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.

In my opinion, it's true that life is a competition but maybe not the competition you thought it would be. When compared with my peers, I seemed to always have less experience in the typical things people my age have but at the same time I made other experiences they didn't make and collected other types of skills throughout my life. It's funny because I ended up getting jobs in all kinds of places exactly because of my odd combination of skills. It seemed at first that I was far behind but it turned out that I just took another route and ended up in the same place or better than my peers. I would always choose the non-mainstream route again but I know it would always feel like I am far behind again, because I can't directly compare myself to others. I guess, I just didn't like the way everybody was doing things, so I wasn't motivated to jump into the same rat race. I did the bare minimum and often did things that you can't put on your resume. Strangely enough, these things were what potential employers appreciated about me. People often said I have what others don't have or I seem to know what I am talking about but internally, it didn't feel like that at all. I don't regret the way I did things and now I see I might have been far ahead in different aspects, I just didn't see it because I was expected to do a certain set of things and I just came up with something else. I hope I make some sense, if not, please ignore what I wrote. XD

It's so funny that this comes from a 19 year old. Someone who's basically JUST getting life started and has plenty of time to figure it out. It doesn't seem to matter what age, everyone always feels too old or too behind to do XYZ

Nice job man I’m on the same route literally. I wish you good fortune and consistency

Went back to school at 24 and finished Masters degree a few months before 30. I always felt behind in my 20s but feel ahead at 33 now. Its never too late unless you don’t try.

I'm at a stage of my life where most of my friends are already well established in their college whereas I'm only in my first year at 21yo because I failed a lot due to personal problems, video games addiction, lack of motivation... And it feels really bad, it's hard to find self value then

I'm 28 and i am in the same situation. Trust me, you're not too old, it is never too late to change.

Thank you so much for this video! As a 19-year-old, I could relate a lot to the OP and listening to you, Dr. K. helped me gain perspective. It's never to late to change your life for the better guys 😁

Gonna be 24 in a few days, dropped out because I was just cheating my way thru college, lost my group of childhood friends, isolated myself with weed and video games, got further isolated when covid hit and developed a alcohol problem during lockdown. Worked as a food courier for the following 2 years. Got a decent paying gig job and now from late 2023 to now have been trying to clean my mess up. Im behind compared to my colleagues but F it, I need to take it one step at a time and drown out the noise.

It's so soothing and tender just to listen to Dr.K talking about things, he's so considerate and empathetic that I can always relate to what he says

I've felt like this ever since I was old enough to realize I was an introvert and everyone else seemed confident and calm. I'm 34 and live with my parents. I'm bipolar and on disability. I tried the IT industry grind but it was exhausting. I lost so much sleep from stress and mania that I was probably at risk of serious health issues if I kept going at that pace. I was drinking multiple 300mg caffeine energy drinks per day just to stay awake during calls. But now my life is much simpler. I'm okay with being single. I don't have many friends but they're there for me when I need them. I always told myself I'd never break out of my shell but I'm starting to organize events and volunteer at nonprofits and get the chance to meet and work with people who seemed way out of my league. Especially after quitting alcohol, I feel like I can finally see my life's purpose...to help other people. I don't need sex and drugs and parties to be happy. I just need to feel I'm making some impact on my community and making the world a slightly better place.

Well today it’s a lot harder to do things early. All the distractions that didn’t exist years ago. The need for discipline is so much higher imo today than it was decades ago when there wasn’t as many distractions. Like GAH DAMN we have some awesome entertainment in recent years. I’m sure Leonardo d Vinci woulda probably been struggling too 😂

(39,F: BA, MS in PM) I'm 100% using video games to resolve a boatload of my own psyche roadblocks (ADHD, fear of failure, rejection sensitivity, social development, emotional regulation, executive dysfunction, and many other C-PTSD related root causes). It's working SO WELL!

Takeaways: → Life isn’t a race but it is a competition that includes a variety of factors. → Acknowledge that you have to drive the same car with which you lost. → Gaming has its advantages and should not make you hopeless. → It’s valid to feel your late in life but it also gives you hidden advantages. → Be careful of the coping mechanisms during this stage. → It’s possible to complete the game with handicaps and even excel at it. → “I’m different” can also be an excuse. → Play the hand that you’re dealt and don’t compare or copy it from others.

im 18 and failed out of highschool for 4 years, already gotten fired from a job and dont like the one im working now. its so hard to feel like i can be a functional member of society with a place to live, someone with my own morals, someone who can be happy and do the things they want in life. but logically i know its possible to be successful starting from my place in life. it just doesn't *feel* like i can.

well if it was 5 years ago I'd also be panicked because most of my friends and people around my generation already have job and progressing their lives while I'm a freaking neet without a proper skill or direction in life. I'm 30 this year, I was at loss since I was around 19-20 and was depressed like "I don't wanna do anything anymore" or something along that line. After intense self-improving and never giveup even after several burnouts. At first few years I went by doing nothing for like 18 months...well actually streamroll weeb stuffs like anime, manga, or web novels. In short a lot of time I lived in denial and just doing nothing. Now be like why be rush? is it life threathening situation? I believe there are organizations that would happily help anyone without jobs or place to live. Please don't look down on homeless people, some people actually enjoy the freedom of being homeless and I understand that point of view....well please neve look down to anyone, or even look up, because you'll lose the opportunity to learn the truth about that person. If I have any advice to give to my younger self, it would be "take your time, learn more about yourself". This might be weird but I'm so glad that I failed miserably a lot of time, I learned a lot and now I know where I should go. Even if I'd fail again, I'll just learn from the faliures and do better. Just like games, you failed, you try again. Working smart, never smash your head to the walls. There is always room to relax, enjoy life. Well even if I give myself some advices or not I'd still be here, I'm smart enough to take myself to a better position. Most people would struggle because you comparing yourselves with someone else right? For me I'm struggle because my family tried to control my life as if I'm just a mere puppet....and trust me it's much worse than how people imagine it is. Well I think Asian people understand my point of view though.

I love these videos but half-way through I just lose focus and interest because I realize how stupid and fixable all my problems are but then it comes back full circle and I'm here again

I'm irritated that a 19 year old thinks they are behind in life when they haven't started it yet. People are really expected to pick a life path when they're still in highschool

I kind of have the opposite issues that the person on Reddit posted because in my entire life I had done extracurriculars in addition to school from roughly when I was 6 all the way into my high school graduation at the age of 18. I was able to graduate with a Bachelor's Degree in Accounting in August 2019 and I was in the process of becoming a Certified Public Accountant (CPA) after getting 150 credits in school. I just need to get at least 2 years of Accounting experience and to pass the CPA exam, the problem is that I haven't been able to get a job in the accounting field to gain accounting experience in 4 years since I graduated. I felt like I was behind because all I did was study and take Summer classes because I had to retake classes in order to get enough credits to qualify for the CPA license. I've had a plan since I was in middle school and in high school I have a plan on how to spend said money on the job, but I'd have to get a job in order to spend money. So I feel behind even though I've been doing everything right if I want to be able to help my family financially and pay off bills.

The best job I had, during the interview, there was little job related topics, and after I was taken to lunch with the team I would be working with. I got the job because I was told it's easier to train your job related skills but having a team that gets along is extremely difficult.

So in this large competition, the only way to find a place is to compete well, but every competition is made out of it's competitors; I shouldn't have to be punished for doing well because others are held back by their own lives, and this limitation can ultimately corrupt the competition. Now if I'm making self awareness and self acceptance an entry pass into the competition, than I can only assume that the act of competing itself would undermine whatever edge I may have over others, and then the best strategy becomes not to compete with my own competency, but others ability to hide their own. Simpler terms, I can stop competing with myself to learn about who I am or whatever, but everyone else in the competition already knows who you are by account of the entry pass, so then the competent competitor won't be accounted for and instead are suppressed. It's like we're living in a cycle of competitors remorse where the next man has to be ready to commit and regret more than the next guy for less and less every year and we're the ones doing it to ourselves through our market expectations of human behavior. What kind of competition values positioning in the game over the means to compete in the first place? I refuse to play a game that doesn't give every player an equal beginning stage for that fact alone, and so much of the gaming industry is based around balancing gameplay features for this sake alone; it just feels disingenuous to make that player go and sit out of the competition because the other competitors wanted to force competition out of the pool to make it easier for themselves and other people. It doesn't matter where you end up in that competition because we're all just trying to live out life the best way we know how to, so it just doesn't make sense to me why me and the rest of my generation are pitted against each other for economic power.

I am 24 and I got severe chronic skin disease about the time I graduated. I suffer from intense symptom, got multiple times of infections, can't sleep properly, jobless, don't dare to meet my friends, got social-phobia from staying at home too long. For me, to have a job to work to is a luxury. I am now trying my best to survive where Dr.K's video helps a lot. If you have an ideal form of yourself, I would say by all means be what you want to be, train yourself for it when you are able to.

I am in my early 50s and I have a good job that I like, wife, kids, house, etc but I also have a bunch of other things that I wanted to also do (be a successful youtuber/streamer, artist, musician and voice actor) and they require quite a lot of extra work that is hard to find with family, work and gaming. I am currently working on the first one (streamer/youtuber) part time but it is slow going and not really feeling successful due to how hard it is to break in and at this rate, this or any of the other things will never replace my current job as a career that can pay the bills. I feel like I am running out of time for any of these things because I'm not going to live forever but I don't want to keep being a hobbiest. Is there anything that can be done for someone like me? I pretty much have my life and my mental self together but these goals seem to need more that I have access to.

I'm turning 21 tomorrow and have related to this issue for the past several years. As someone with autism and ADHD, I look back and struggle to understand why I simply didn't do much: I didn't have any lifelong friends, rules at my house got stricter over the years, I didn't try enough new things when I had the chance, I didn't visit people or have people over as often as I had wished, and so on. I want to spend my 20s doing what I should've done and making up for what I shouldn't have done in my teens, despite already being very focused on my career and becoming a normal adult. I dream of things I want to try and get back into, but to what extent?

To use the same analogy: My father had the fastest racing car... until it broke down and couldn't get fixed. Now others may slowly catch up to him. In his 30 years he achieved more than some people in their whole lifetime. Then he started drinking to relieve stress and everything fell apart. Whenever I start comparing myself to others I try to think about things that the other person didn't do, but I did or can. I try to see everything I do as a small step towards improving myself. Besides the obvious disadvantages maybe I have more advantages than I realize.

If you’re racing a race car, sometimes the answer is putting on some off road tires and circumventing the turns

I wish I could get this reality check at the age of 19. For me I got my first reality check somewhere between 31-32, I'm now 34. No drivers license, no appartment, barely traveled, never had a relationship etc. However I do have a job, it's not the best job but money is not an issue for me right now. I have saved up to a decent buffert and also started to invest money. But it's one of the worst feelings. The feeling of having missed out, but at the same time you are so far behind you are crippled, you do not know where to start or if you can ever catch up, and this eats one from the inside.

Bruh if only I saw this video when it came out because this idea was literally the reason why I got so depressed during the first half of my high school senior year last year. I felt how that discord member felt as well

This talk was chock full of insights! Thanks so much!

I'm 33 and have basically zero faith in my future. I'm not even comparing myself that much to others (because I have basically no close contacts left); I'm just being real about the state of things. The country I live in lives and dies by the idea of "medication fits all and cures all", and medication is one of the things that actually makes my problems worse. Failing that, there's always the booze, but that's a downwards trend I don't want to repeat.

it‘s important to spend time alone, doing things, working on out skills, apart from others and also apart from a challenge. we are constantly inside a challenge, but we do not have to keep focusing only on this 😊

These recent videos by Dr. K could change the society for the better, and stop the mental things which have been going on for centuries. What others think has shaped our society in which we live today, hope it reduces from now on and people in the next decade have a better life.

I've never heard anyone put into words so well how personal growth can give a competitive edge in the professional world too. I'm an older guy (probably one of the few here old enough to catch that "make your time" reference judging by the other comments) and this is basically what I learned first hand but over a looooong time. I developed and pursued a lot of interests after graduating from uni 3 years late. I flew planes, did stand-up, travelled, re-took up martial arts, got into history and culture, cooking, baking, etc etc. Then I went back to college at 35. Just this morning, the guy who was my manager for 2 internships texted me about a 1-month contract he wants me to do for him in February. I've also booked my second trip to Italy for the end of January. I've been learning Italian for the last 7 months, so I hope I can converse with the locals some before they painfully switch to English on me. If you feel who you are and your lack of experience are a big part of the problem, stop lamenting about it. Put that lamenting energy into learning and doing new things. Before long, you'll be unrecognizable. And growth begets more growth.

wow. at 19 they already felt this way. at 19 i thought "i have time to waste in this abusive relationshíp" and i regret it since. but i also regret not getting more into cooking sooner, or into crochet sooner or singing or sketching or everything xD so yeah i fell with them in a lot of ways

Spot on timing... currently feeling like 10 years wasted on a customer service job :) could be doing something better with my time and last 2 years commuting 4h workday, was the pay worth it?`was it? Feel like still at same spot as 5 years ago... Of course huge mistakes were also made.

im 17 and i have absolutely no idea where to start. i want to learn spanish and get my body in shape but after that i dont even know what i want my career choice to be yet and my mom wants me to go to college but college is so damn expensive and i dont even know what i want to do in college if you’re reading this and younger, try to limit the downtime you spend on social media, video games, porn etc. very basic advice but you may be surprised at how much time you spend on these 3 things when you could be learning an instrument or becoming an EMT or some shit

How does one strive to improve without comparison. How do ppl get ahead? You said the concept of catching up only applies to those who feel like they’ve fallen behind. Do those who are ahead also feel like they’ve fallen behind in comparison to someone who is even further ahead? How does self motivation, curiosity, willingness to learn, even discipline play into all of this? Thanks.

I'm feeling this at 17yo. It sucks, man. Not only does my social life feel worse than those of my friends and loved ones, but I'm struggling academically (3.4 GPA I believe) and extracurricularly (don't have much extracurricular experience). I really feel lost, and at 17, the most important year of your life, that's not a feeling I should be having, and despite crying to myself in bed and pondering why, I'm still not fully sure what it is. All I know is that it's a vicious something of a vicious cycle: I have an impossible dream, but mess up or not do something, causing my self esteeem to tank, causing the cycle to repeat itself, and I don't know where to f*cking start in fixing myself. I really need help.

As a 19y who thought it was too late and is now 26.... Don't let this feeling eat you up. As someone bright said to me "time will pass anyway". In 6 years you will be 6 years older, but chosing to work on yourself will always pay off

Just wanted to shout out Dr. K's capacity to come up with almost perfect analogies every time. Brings a smile to my face while at the same time making me feel hopeful about my future.

im 30 , overweight , starting a buisiness , in the next 6 months i plan to transform my body and work on fostering better friendships and getting myself to a place where im ready for a relationship , took the last few years for it to settle in that its ok to be where i am , life is a marathon , not a race

20:00 I encountered this emotion at 15 and didn't realize I was feeling it all this time. Probably am alexithymic as hell too which didn't help much. I think I'll begin recovering now that I've noticed.

It's not about catching up, it's about to change the path of your life... You are not behind you are following just a different path and as you can do in a haiway you can change lines and if you miss a exit you can always come back, it might take time but you can go back. But if you go back you might find another path to your destination...

I have never suceeded in anything in my life. I tried many things and failed every single time. I have no hope of catching up. The only way I can see is lowering my standards so much that I just trick myself into being happy with having nothing to offer. I just hope all this bullshit of a life ends sooner rather than later.

Feeling this... I have a Masters degree, but very few friends, transferable skills or financial security. Found out am autistic and have ADHD last year and things are starting to improve now that I'm medicated, but at 31 it's going to be a slog to get to where my friends and colleagues are

I'm 32 and I had no ambition to do anything for most of life because I was just waiting to die, well still kicking and now I feel like I'm really behind becuase I wasn't expecting to live this long but it's just so hard to discipline myself into making a future for myself.

Kind of interesting because I just had the opposite problem recently. I wanted to use the time I had to improve myself and find a long term solution to my procrastination/digital addiction problem, however, my parents pressured me heavily to study professional exams. Sure I ended up passing the thing but now that the exam is over I'm still lacking the self discipline needed to continue with the rest of my journey as I didn't get the time to meet with a counselor. It's even more frustrating when my parents expect me to do nothing but study when this is the path they forced me on and they scratch their head when doing x is so nature to them and always ask "why is it so hard?" in the most malicious manner possible.

Sometimes those videos seems like a precision strike

Almost 24, started practicing art about 6 months ago. Right when dall-e came out. :) There is a high likelihood I'm wasting the best years of my life learning a skill that will become completely obsolete.

My guy, if you try to compete in a race while having, say, bad brakes, instead of repairing them - taking as much time as that change takes - you're going to end up in the ditch and be excluded from the competition for much longer time. Take that time now, dr K is right. So is that song: "sometimes you’re ahead; sometimes you’re behind; the race is long, and in the end it’s only with yourself". The thing you have to battle is yr gaming addiction. Pressuring yourself abt "being behind" can only hold you back even more

that poster is 19 and already feeling like this, i'm 30 years old now and switching careers because my previous one failed completely, try to imagine how depressed and anxious i was during this transition, i'm doing way better now, but i went through some very, very dark times and was this close to ending it all.

i think in some positions/professions its still necessary to rather be an „elbow-person“ and that some people succeed with this. another question is then, however, how happy they are

I needed to hear this today, thank you

Notes for self: • Valid to feel like "you are too far behind to catch up" • Vehicle metaphor: bike vs sports car • Understanding what works for someone else isn't going to work for you because your starting vehicle isn't the same • Self-work is intangible, but worthwhile progress • Sometimes you need to pull over and fix that flat tire in order to gain momentum and achieve your goals • Mourn the experiences you can't have (in the specific circumstances you envision) while also recognizing and protecting the experiences that are still available to you • Build up the ability to be adaptable and flexible rather than rigid • You can become overly attached to the idea that "you are too far behind" or "it's too late" • You don't want to contradict those beliefs • It can motivate and drive self-sabotaging behaviors

The best time to plant a tree is 10 years ago. The second best time is now.

thoses analogies are so funny lmao i just love it when dr k does them