I never understood why so many people couldn’t empathize with Dani as I understood her completely the first time I watched - because she was a heightened version of me when I was grieving during one of the worst periods of my life. My family didn’t want to see my grief because we had to be there for the family of the person we lost, but all I wanted was to be held and consoled on how hurt I felt about this sudden loss. I was lucky to at least have friends who were there for me during that time. The real horror of Midsommar hits when you’ve not only experienced grief, but grief in a way where it feels like no one sees it or worse, no one cares. Because god, would it feel so nice to be held, comforted, and validated in your grief by a whole group of women who wail with you instead of being turned off by your pain. It might just be worth looking the other way when that group treats others in a not so nice way…

A good critics is ALWAYS willing to reanalyze their own judgements. From Samuel Johnson to José Ortega y Gasset to TS Eliot, all have looked back at their older judgements and found themselves disagreeing with them…funny enough largely because they see the immaturity and inexperience behind them. That’s damn good company.

when i first watched midsommar, my mental health was at its lowest, and my relationship (with a guy also named christian) left me feeling worse each time he left me on read or seemed happier around friends than he was with me. i knew my relationship was dying and i knew he wanted to pull away, but i was so afraid of letting go. my high school years were incredibly lonely, and if he was gone, some of my happiest memories would be tainted, and i couldn't lose that. midsommar left me feeling absolutely sick with how much of myself i saw in dani and her relationship, in a way that i don't think anything else has hit me before or again. it's a fantastic movie and i absolutely loved it, but i'm not sure if i can rewatch it yet.

Echoism is such a fascinating concept to me as an autistic person. Echoist behavior is how I protect myself against social norms that I don’t understand-masking is quite literally a form of echoing the world around me for the sake of staying emotionally and socially safe. This video opened my eyes to that tendency and made me question if that’s really who I want to be, which is something I haven’t felt like I’ve had a choice in for most of my life. Thank you for this video

...this video made me start the process of finding a therapist.

This is the kind of video essay that's been missing on youtube - reflective, vulnerable, insightful, analytical ... all at once. A truly astonishing work. I hope other youtube creators can learn from it.

I was in a kinda toxic relationship when i first watched midsommar and hereditary. I think both movies are amazing depictions of how intimate relationships can break down, replacing love with bitterness and frustration. They were never horror movies to me, but they gave catharsis to the difficulties I was experiencing in my real life relationships.

Danny spends the entire movie not able to portray what she thinks or feels to others, until her emotions and thoughts are dictated by the group. Christian spends the entire movie not being able to tell Danny what he wants or needs from her, until he physically cant anymore by the group.

It takes balls to make a whole video essay on something, and then make another to explain how you were wrong. That level of self-awareness and integrity is very admirable.

Christian didn’t ’cheat’ on Danny. He was drugged and coerced, which is rape. He was scared and confused and was clearly going along with it out of self-preservation. I think it’s important to conceptualise that moment this way, otherwise it perpetuates harmful ideas about male victims of SA. Overall though, I really enjoyed this vid. Amazing insights, really well researched and articulated. Love your work!

This is what’s so beautiful about film- the ability to rewatch something later on in life and seeing it from a very different perspective. Loved the old video and this video for both perspectives as they are both valid in their own ways! Thank you ❤

when the echoism section started, I looked at the scale and thought, “yeah, I guess I’m probably at a 6 or 7” and then spent the rest of the video silently sobbing with tears streaming down my face relating to every last word you said about Dani. No slights against me should bother me; panic attacks can always wait until later, when I’m not in public or with friends or family; it’s unacceptable or inappropriate or irresponsible to feel overwhelmed or upset if there is anyone even remotely around me. I used to be able to delay the crying, but now I can’t make it start again when I’m in private. Okay. I think I should probably talk to somebody.

Midsommar spoke to me in a way that no one else could after my sister committed s**ide. When she died, it was like the entire world stopped for me and my family and we all tackled the grief of it in all different ways- no one was good or bad, we were all just trying to get through it but I remember feeling like I was the only one drowning and my friends and family were just watching me and even though they were trying to give me words of encouragement and be there for me, it felt more like they were just watching me drown. Midsommar came out literally a month before my sister passed and I remember that I loved the movie, but it hadn't been relatable, and then after my sister passed- I watched that movie again with such a clarity as I had never had. The scene when she was screaming at the beginning was literally how I felt most days and to see that one screen was so cathartic. Finally- someone was saying what I was feeling and I remember I defended the shit out of that movie to everyone because they just didn't get it- that movie was saying everything I was feeling and more.

I watched a review of Midsommar that had been done with a woman who specialised in cults. It always stuck with me how she said that Midsommar was basically a step-by-step look at how cults attack vulnerable people and recruit them into doing wild stuff. I was not very mentally healthy when I watched Midsommar, so that was my way of discovering that I’m rather susceptible to being recruited by a cult.

Since my young son died a few years ago I’ve been living in constant grief. This movie is a very real portrayal of grief. It comes in waves. But even when the waves don’t overtake you- you’re still drowning in the rain that never ends.

My father died from brain cancer almost a year ago this month and my mother, who was my best friend passed 3 months ago from a random aneurysm. My father wasn’t a great guy, but I loved him the same. My mother was my hero and best friend. I find my self hating the world now. I haven’t gone to work in a month. I’ve lost weight. I smoke cigarettes non stop. I feel anger and sometimes I wake up crying. I can’t listen to my mom’s voice or watch videos of her. I’m surrounded by her things. I can’t enter one room in my house now because it’s become just a place for her things now. I don’t understand why something so cruel happened to such a wonderful woman. Life is hard. Tell the people you love, you love them. That’s one thing I find comfort in. I knew I was loved and cared for by my parents. I want them back. I’m only 37. I’ve got a long road ahead and I have to walk it without the people who brought me into the world. Grief is scary.

i really appreciate your re-analysis. Midsommar is one of my favorite movies and it still helps me put into perspective my own feelings of grief and isolation. Im sorry for your loss and hope you find comfort in these trying times

I’ve never heard about “panic need” before this video and I thank you for teaching us about it. Its something I’ve done my whole life but never had a name for. When I’m depressed I tend to push people away, but when I’m anxious I need people around me. This whole video had such a fresh take on midsommar that I’ve never heard before. Thank you as well for your vulnerability, I really hope you can feel a little better soon.

Love this video!!!!!! One thing I haven't seen talked about is how Dani's fear of abandonment gets triggered when Connie mentions her BF is missing. At first she is worried about Connie and wants to help her but as soon as Dani talks to Christian she gets so wrapped up in his dismissiveness that she completely forgets about and abandons Connie. If Dani were a more secure and healed person she would noticed the danger they were in. It illustrates how when we are wrapped up in our own pain (or relationship drama) we can sometimes become blind to the suffering of others. Justice for Connie and Simon!

I first saw Midsommar three months before my mom unexpectedly passed away. It became my comfort film as I watched it at least once a week for six months after I lost her. Art that can captivate you and help you process all of the stuff going through your head and emotions is such an important part of the human experience. Fantastic video! 🌼🌸🌺

21:25. In 25 seconds you beautifully captured a defense mechanism that I have been employing my entire life but have never been able to fully comprehend. Before now, I never understood why I would feel humiliated when my negative emotions could be observed and why I would reject any consolation that was offered in favor of a quick escape. This is going to stay on my mind for a very long time. I applaud you for making something meaningful out of your recent hardships and thank you for doing so as it has made a positive impact on my life. All the best.

this whole video is so profound and compelling. sorry for your loss and also thank you for sharing your journey, I'm genuinely very touched by this new perspective!

Man, I’ve got some reading to do. I always felt really comforted by the scene where the horga women “share” Dani’s grief comforting, too.

The idea of being one-dimensional… I think I’ve grieved a few times now, but my first clearly identifiable experience with grief was the death of my father when I was fresh out of college. My dad was abusive, so I didn’t have a lot of good memories with him. Grieving him didn’t look the way I expected it to, because I couldn’t really miss him. If anything, I knew now that he’d never be able to hurt me again. The thing I remember most about what grief was actually like for me vs what I expected, was the feeling that big parts of *me* were missing or inaccessible. After months, I was almost gaslighting myself - like, I feel like I can remember being funny and quick, but maybe I just made that up? I can’t explain this sense of self-loss in a logical way. My dad didn’t bring out the best or happiest sides of me, so it’s not that I lost out on those parts of myself without him there to elicit them. I don’t know why I felt like a fractional self. I did bounce back but I’ve learned that one of the complexities of adulthood is dealing with grieving that overlaps and layers. I was very fortunate that at the time my dad died, most of the rest of my life was pretty steady and uncomplicated. When losses, big and little, follow on each other, you can find yourself in a long-term struggle to be your entire, multidimensional self

this video really made me confront the time when two of my friends in my friend group who i thought cared about me "forgot" my birthday even when i indirectly pointed it out and never apologised when we had all been wishing happy birthday to each other. they also conveniently happened to be the only people who could not attend my party of close friends. i blamed it on myself entirely and sought to console them and consolidate our friendships, never once considering that they could have been in the wrong. they hurt me, and i searched to justify their actions by searching within. but i am now beginning to realise that some people just don't have your best interest at heart. some could not care less about you and it's not your job or even within your power to change that without denying or erasing a massive part of yourself.

I also felt that the scene of Dani and the harga women screaming in pain was so comforting. They matched her energy in a way that made myself feel seen.

I remember for the first time actually looking into what an echoist is. Things made a lot of sense. But even in the moment I thought I found something about myself I felt like I was doing something wrong. Like it can’t be right and I’m just taking something that does not belong to me. This movie showed me things I’m afraid of but even want. I’m horrified of ever being seen as pelle and Christian. And I want to have a bond that Connie and Simon had. Connie could not be convinced that Simon left without her. I hope I secure someone’s trust like that

when midsommar first came out, i saw it in a theatre with two of my friends. we watched the movie with a near empty theatre besides a group of teenagers who laughed and mocked it the entire time, and an older couple who didn’t seem to quite understand the movie and left half-way through. i went to the hotel i was staying at that night & stared at a wall to process everything that i just watched. after getting back from that trip, i then went to see this movie five more times in theatre. I went through the death of three people in my life at that time and immediately connected with every aspect of midsommar. Your closing comments in this video PERFECTLY described how i felt coming to the same conclusion you have. From the sound of your voice making those statements, to your final words themselves. I, at first watch, wanted and even DESPERATELY needed someone to comprehend and understand why i felt watching this movie so many times. but by my final watch in theatre’s, i came to the conclusion that i hope NO ONE relates to the grief that i’ve gone through. Midsommar is my favorite movie that i’ve seen in my lifetime and as much as it hurts it feels healing at every rewatch in this confusing kind of way.

i wish more people talked about how Christian was absolutely raped. he didn't cheat on Dani, he was drugged and coerced into it. if you switched the genders of the scene it would absolutely be talked about as rape, which is super fucked up. Christian was a victim. He was also an asshole, but he was a victim.

This movie is so different for people in grief I agree. I lost my baby in 2022, and I watched this movie while I was stuck in that pit of despair phase of grieving and I couldn’t help but wish I could join a community like this. Obviously minus the ritualistic murder, but the echoing scene and the togetherness of everything just called to me so much when I was lost.

My god, I have the same fear. Everything you said is so close to my experience with this film, except I felt it during my first watch. It must be hard for others to understand when they can’t empathize with Dany. I am so happy you made this. Thank you. I hope this reaches more people, because this message is so important. Thank you

I think there's big similarities between Midsommar and Melancholia, in terms of showing grief and depression from the inside, rather than just how they look to other people.

The movie was extremely difficult for me, and honestly a bit traumatizing, because two years earlier I had lost my baby brother to suicide, and the year after I had a relationship and breakup VERY similar to Dani and Christian. I understood her completely and felt her portrayal of grief was so realistic and similar to myself. I’ve also, coincidentally, been in a cult for a few years in the past and know what those dynamics are like and what it’s like to end up in one. Altogether, I think the film was extraordinarily done but I would never be able to watch it again.

Ok, this was the best movie review I’ve ever seen. Midsommar is very much a movie where 99% of the time you’ll say “oh yeah, it was horror. Kinda cool that it was set somewhere so bright and peaceful. I saw the twists coming a mile away. It was a little cheesy but Florence Pugh was great. Etc.” But if you see it that exact right 1% of the time, it will feel like the most profound piece of media you have ever consumed. And that happened to be when I saw it. It will always be a weirdly comforting, supremely cathartic, was Ari reading my mind?!?? kind of movie because of how deeply I was grieving and how much in denial about my grief I was when I stumbled across it.

Well made video. I'm sorry that you are dealing with loss. Its been over 9 years that I lost my Mum, who was the love of my life, I'm a different person now and I felt invisible while in the worst if my grieving process. And I have complicated grief that makes the process even more abnormal. People can be quite cruel when, they don't understand. Ive had a few people experience loss and come to me to apologize because they admit they had no idea the pain and suffering I was living with. I told them its okay. Unconditional love is what we all need and separating ourselves from the ego can open up room for growth. But, at least in my case, this life has been filled with crippling loss and pain. I'm still alive because I don't want to repeat this awful experience. I want to learn whatever lessons I need to learn so this is last time I work this karma off.

I think this film’s use of a sort of religious cult to convey this idea of community and servitude to the people around you is absolutely brilliant. I’m an ex-Christian and was raised with the belief that the best thing that I could do as a person was “serve god and serve others.” I think that this sort of ingrained into me echoist behavior from a very young age, and I now find myself having to consciously think about when it’s okay to NOT serve others. I made poor friendships when I left the church with people who exhibited narcissistic behavior because I no longer had a community to serve WITH me. I’m much better now, but I think that this movie spoke to me for that reason, it was like watching my deconstruction process in reverse. Because having a community is BEAUTIFUL and it’s what I miss most about my religion… having a group to fall to my knees and cry with, a common action in the church, was extremely cathartic. But it wasn’t healthy, because I relied too much on servitude as an identity. And when I left, I was serving alone, much like Dani at the beginning of the film. And, much like Dani, I would suppress feelings of grief, guilt, and shame after I left the church because I no longer had a community to “feel broken” with. But I think that the thing you have to learn eventually, at least from my personal experience, is that you are not fundamentally broken or a burden to be shared among a community. You’re just a person with emotions, and you should be allowed to be that, with AND without a group of people to support you. It’s the difference between feeling broken and believing that you fundamentally ARE broken, and I think that echoists often believe that they are fundamentally broken because they have selfish feelings that they are ashamed of (that’s why they try to get away before expressing the feeling) and they don’t want to burden others because they themselves feel burdened when they don’t have a community. I think this is what converts non-religious people into religious people. Because they can share the burden of servitude with a group and express selfishness without FEELING selfish. I hope all of that made sense, it was a bit of a ramble. Midsommar is one of my favorite movies and it really speaks to me as an ex-Christian.

I'll love the honesty you show on your video so I'll repay it with mine knowing it will probably be lost in the comment section. Back in the day when the movie was first released and shown in the local cinemas on my city I went and saw it with a couple of friends, all of them found the character of danny insufferable for the very same reasons you gave on your first video, she seemed like an overtly idealized figure of grief and moral superiority with respect to her relationship dynamic with her boyfriend. I had just gone through a very traumatic loss of a loved one a couple of months before, almost a year, not as dramatic as in the movie but equally surprising, and I had a completely different read on her character, one that I mostly kept to myself. Seeing your video now makes me feel understood. That line about feeling one dimensional hit hard. That's exactly how grief feels for me too. Its a loss in the very real sense of losing a part of you, leaving you like a shell of yourself. This was a meaningful watch, you've got a new subscriber. Also, if anybody read this sorry for the bad english, not my first language.

I don't think the intensity of grief lessens, you just get better at dealing with it, and the time between two bouts grows. But it's still as intense as in the beginning, in my opinion.

As someone who’s spent lives living to serve others, in and out of codependent relationships which end up tragically every time and who is pursuing a career entirely based on helping others (medicine) at the expense of one’s own health. The insight on echoism resonated with me in a way that brought me to tears. I feel incredibly bothered now by the idea that I may be giving up my life for others, I never really cared about it since my own self worth has been practically nonexistent for years but this made me spiral into a crisis and made me realize that I do not want more tragedy in my life caused by my own actions and allowance of bad things to keep happening. I want to thank you for making this and being brave enough to share it, the heavy emotional perspective and actual psychological explanations make this video life changing in a good way, so again thank you.

i watched your original video a couple years back and truthfully found myself very frustrated with your take on the film. i wanted to write out this lengthy response in the comments but ultimately just clicked off the video and kept my opinion to myself lol. i applaud your ability to reexamine not only your opinions, but also how your life experiences at the time could have blinded you to the nuances of the film and its characters. i am truly so sorry for your loss. when i watched midsommar for the first time i had lost a family member in which i had a complicated relationship with. i was also trying to leave a toxic relationship that i was incredibly dependent on through out my grieving process. dani’s character resonated with me in a lot of painful and ugly ways. i do think its valid to say that at times both she and christian can feel like caricatures of these echoists/narcissistic archetypes but i don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing because these caricatures are being explored with nuance and the story is about their toxic dynamic. there is also the idea of loss of self that you talk about in the video. all loss requires a grieving process - whether it’s a breakup or death of a loved one or even as simple as a job/opportunity. the world we live in doesn’t give us much space to feel loss safely much less process it. i truly appreciate this video and i feel so seen by it. i hope you have all the love and support you need while processing this loss ❤️

I've not heard the term "echoism" but what you're describing sounds very similar to codependency. What a lovely video, thank you for posting.

What I love about Midsommar is on how many different levels it can be appreciated. As a reflection on grief as you analyze here, but also I have seen beautiful analyses of this movie from the point of view of reflecting the similarly oscillating nature of abusive relationships, breakdowns of the film as an exploration of real world high control group methods and processes of radicalization, discussions of the imagery and symbolism and color theory and cultural resonance of the movie. It is a movie that invites analysis and reflection and provides a rich set of details for the viewer to accomplish that.

Sorry for your loss. It's incredible to see someone make such a video, in a such painful situation.

hate it when essayists put a mirror in front of me. The back and fort between asking for esasy stuff and hiding the most painful, while then feeling so guilty that some of the hard stuff spills a little in front of me. I can only think when my gradma died and i went to college to tell my professor i had to leave early to attend the funeral, and actiely rejected people trying to comfort me, or all the times i have said sorryafter getting emotional support for anything... i might have a new perspective for starting therapy again

Thank you. Thank you for the courage to make this video. Vulnerability like that, regarding loss, grief and the loss of oneself is honestly unheard of (at least by me) and surprisingly healing.

They do the ceremony like every 70-90 years something like that, so no, his parents wouldn't have been sacrifices in the same ceremony leading him to know that she would be the perfect target. However her vulnerability would make her an easy target either way.

I lost three of my close family members since I've turned 17 (34 now) and found such great comfort in this movie and I never fully understood why. I led a very similar relationship after loosing my mother and the movie always felt cathartic to me. I felt like I saw the movie through such different eyes than others and I sensed that it was because of my loss. But to this day I just didn't make the connection. If you'd have asked be I wouldn't even have remembered that Danny lost her family in the beginning and that grief is almost the center of the movie.. Thank you for this video. I understood so much about the movie, grief, myself, why I did things the way I did and felt the way I felt and thank you for introducing the word echoist to us. This changes a lot.. I hope you feel better soon. I once read a quote and it really helped me: grief does not change you, it reveals you. Love from Austria

This movie really moved me so much when it came out. And then the love of my life died suddenly and now this film connects with me so much more deeply. There's something about the depth of grief that you can't understand until you've been there. I am definitely going to be reading the books you cited.

This movie hit me so hard, my father died and I was in a similar situation with my ex husband it was like parallel. Watching it made me cry so hard. It brought back memories just how Dani and Christian interacted. My dad had died while I was with my ex husband and it shattered me it broke me, it it weren’t for my dog Athena i probably woulda killed my self tbh.

10/10 work my man. Cried multiple times listening to your commentary. It’s always comforting to know there’s someone feeling what you are.

I almost never comment on youtube videos, but this resonated so hard. As someone who has dealt with a mental condition that has driven me into echoism/masking, I loved midsommar and you have effectively summarized every reason why. I very much relate to what you said about them sharing her pain in unison being so weirdly comforting. As disturbed as I was, a small part of me couldn't help but be jealous. In echoism, even though theres that insane drive to minimize the self, I feel there's always a secret longing for the attention that is pushed away. Like amongst all the self blame, even though I believe it to be true, I pray for people to say what Dani's friend does, "you're valid, you're justified," but the cult takes it to a whole other level. It's validation on crack. People that echo, because they see themselves as incapable of fixing things themselves because of that "brokenness", they long for a hero. A savior. And the cult is that hero. There's also something to be said about the weird way that individualism values uniqueness and rewards/expects exceptionalism, but inversely punishes those feelings of greatness. As if one is expected to be exceptional while also being humble and making it look effortless to the outside eye. I can't wait to watch more video essays on your channel

I don't know if it's the universe, or fate, or whatever, but I'm actually going into outpatient therapy in two days for suppressing my mother's tragic death for a year and a half. I had a "need panic" episode. Literally. This video came out literally JUST in time for my outpatient therapy. I've never even heard of echoism, and now I know why I clung to Dani as an "omg so me" character. And I've always had a direct drag to feel like I'm narcissistic but in a self loathing way? And now there's a word for it? And I found out through your new midsommar video two days before I get my life together? Insane. I'm showing this to my outpatient therapist I'll let yall know how it goes

Your vulnerable re-processing of Midsommar is a deeply fulfilling reflection of the identity deconstruction I've been going through that I couldn't find the right language for. I'm about to turn 30 at the end of the month and I've been rediscovering myself for about the last year, finding empathy for the ideas and people that I have let exert control over me and also for my own imperfections. I didn't realize up until now that I've been grieving the loss of what I thought my life was supposed to be, the loss of certainty. I've harboured a lot of anger towards those closest to me for seemingly failing to meet my emotional needs without realizing that I have failed them in some aspects, too. I see now the mutual urge in my various relationships to change each other instead of embracing each other exactly where we are. Learning is a process, not an event. We can only do our best until we know better. I am Dani being swept away by my own righteousness and too permeable to society's ideals. I am Christian being too hard on people and afraid of my faults. I think each character is portrayed as single dimensional because taken together they become the complexity of the human experience.

As an autistic this is hell, I want to do things by myself in my own because is easier for me to keep with the shit I do, when am expected to do things with others my body and brain are confused because I don't interpret information the same way others do...and when it shows and people would make me feel like am a problem that needs to be fixed and I will obviously defend myself and try to go on my own and they don't want that, at the end is either am not longer a part of it or am a part of it but I have to mask and deal with it and is exhausting. Individualism is bad because in this society where your value as a person is your success, am screwed from the start. I never had any "ambition" "dream" "goal" or "purpose" so I don't understand why people look down on me a lot, I just know it feel so dehumanizing so I tried to do what they do to get respect and recognition but I just overworking myself and crying alone and that is when the thought of end it all comes to mind. When I realize am broken, broken because I feels like I was not made for this life, I cannot thrive in any kind of civilization presented here: individualism or collectivism.

It is always baffling to me how some people can't understand a lot of emotional situations until they go through it. This is a lack of emotional intelligence, because its not only about you, nor about the other person or situation, is about understanding how emotions affects us in different ways depending on soooooo many things. Glad you matured and could see and empathize with what you couldn't three years ago.

Your ability to honestly, and intimately, reevaluate not only this film, but yourself, is absolutely...beautiful. Thank you. I actually watched your original video on Midsommer and Hereditary and ended up, kinda "hating" you. When I first watched Midsommer, I, like Dani, had lost everything...what killed me the most, was how (I felt) you entirely missed not only the Hårga's purposeful influence on, but the amplification of the negatives of Dani and Christian's relationship...anyways, when I saw this new upload, I clicked on it with apprehension, and a readiness to be angry...and the complete opposite happened. I applaud you my friend. And I thank you for reminding me to never stop questioning and reevaluating not only my own beliefs, but also my own biases. Be well. (and not that one "subscription" makes a difference to your channel at this point, but today, you earned mine)

I'd like to thank you, because I'm currently writing a paper to graduate from Visual Arts, and this video just helped me a lot to resume what I am trying to say with my project. I have been trying to explain this dicotomy of the collective nature of plants and our current human society. In the process, I have realized I sound a bit like I'm part of a cult when I talk about hyper-individualism and It's effects on us, and now I see It's because I have been ignoring the extreme opposite of it. I also loved the self-psychoanalisis of it all, since as a visual artist, a lot of my own feelings and thoughts get to influence every fixation and themes I put in my work. Great work! Loved it.

It's such a great video essay. I'm glad you've managed to see it from a different angle, but I'm so sorry you had to experience something painful to rethink it. I love this film precisely because it goes deeper and deeper the more you think about it. I understood Dani right away, but Christian was an interesting case for me. At first I thought he was just a jerk, but then I've started to realise he's more than that. While still a jerk, he's also... Kinda trapped? He was ready to break up with Dani, but then she calls him in hysterics because her whole family died. And he sits there with her (btw he doesn't leave her alone even if he's a jerk) and knows he can't break up with her now because who knows what she'll do. And while he tries to think of her in this respect, the bitterness from not getting free from her makes him, I think, worse than he was. He's frustrated, he's thinking too much, he's becoming unstable. This is exactly why the cult shenanigans even work on him

I'm sorry for your loss. I think processing grief through creativity is one of the best ways to heal and learn. I know I'm just a random commenter but the profound shift in perspective that you've experienced is a big step toward breaking unhealthy cycles. It's going to be okay. I loved this video essay and best of luck to you.

i interpreted the ending as dani feeling the loss of christian and her last tie to the outside world. with him gone, much as he was not an ideal partner, he still kept her connected to the world outside, to herself and to the reality she had always known. With him gone all of that is lost. as someone that has been in a toxic relationship, that i had trouble leaving for the longest time because i felt i didn't want to lose the part of me that was connected to the world and other people, i really felt her loss in teh last moments

I have never heard of need panic before watching this video, but I have definitely experienced that in romantic relationships that have gone sour. I have some reflection and reading to do after watching this video. I'm sorry that you're going through a hard time and dealing with grief. I hope this video has been cathartic and helpful for you to make

I lost my very best friend to suicide a little over two years ago. This video made me weep because I am still grieving and the grief is still as strong as it was when it first happened.

On grief: I grew up with father living separately from me, which often tends to create that typical "cool parent" pseudo-friendship later in life, I think. That's how I was with my dad; we worked together, we'd go to the bar together, we'd sit around at the table and talk shit until 2am, each of us in tears from laughter. There were so many roles in my life that my father was filling, that it was inevitable that, when I lost him in 2012, it took the life I thought I had at that time and shattered it. The pain from that loss is immortal, ubiquitous, and at times, suffocating. There were times when I felt like I didn't want to live in a world that didn't include him. It was only in being there for the other members of my family that I began to find purpose. I'd always heard that I emulated my father, but now, I was performing the role for others that he'd filled for me. My aunt, his sister, told me once, "As long as you're alive, it's like he's never really gone." Ever since, I've thought about the light and love that he brought to the world, and his compassion, charm, altruism and sense of humor, and I've considered it my responsibility to make sure that these did not simply fade away. The things that made him such an amazing human being for everyone around him are inside of me, and I owe it to him and to them to make sure they continue. This purpose didn't mitigate my grief in any way; in fact, at times, they exacerbate it. But what I've learned is that there are kinds of grief that don't simply dissipate in time. You just have to clear out a spot in the corner of your soul and let it live there. You feed it, make sure it's got water, visit it from time to time, and do what you can to keep it on its leash. You can't get rid of it, so you just make room for it.

to be real i bounced off your channel HARD initially because of the original video - this movie resonated really deeply with me for a lot of the reasons you outlined here, and this was a really insightful watch that helped me connect some of those dots. happy this hit my recommends

The algorithm has once again brought me to another video analyisis early? You must be doing god's work, my dude. This stuff heals my broken soul

Ari Aster understands grief and loss so well. His films have been huge for me, too, after suffering loss and grief in my own life. I hope that you are able to move through your grief- it is one of the hardest processes to go through in the world. May you carry it with strength.

I don't know how I came across this video, but I am happy I found it and thank you for making it. I never even heard of what Echoism was before watching this video, and I think you helped me discover a part of myself I never knew how to begin to understand. "If we convince ourselves that someone's being hurtful or insensitive because of our own moral failings, there's still hope. If I'm the problem, then the happiness of the relationship is entirely in my hands. It's a solution that prioritizes hope at the expense of our self-esteem." I can't even count how many times I have unknowingly convinced myself of this. I almost bursted out crying after reading this line, because I have never been able to put this justification for why I self-blame so harshly, into words. But this is exactly it. I would rather convince myself that I am to blame for the behaviours and actions of others to try and hold onto the hope that if I get better, do more, work harder, pull the extra weight, then they will stay, they will know my worth, and everyone will be happy again. Hearing this and reading it makes me feel seen in a way I have never experienced before. So thank you:) I think I have decided it might be time to go see a therapist.

You do not even have to apologize for your former view of the movie--that was okay. And it is fine that you feel differently now. It seems like life changes us but sometimes leaves our views the same. I am so sorry for your time of loss...You seem strong and I think you will find your with through this period! Take care!

Early to a meeptop video, is this what being a true cinephile is like?

I think you may get something out of the film "You won't be alone". Not so heavy on loss, but heavy on what it is to be human, in its rawest form. Worth A look.

The scene of communal grieving alone is enough for me to understand why this cult would appeal to anybody, even without the underlying plot of grief. I've lived a deeply lonely life full of neglect, and I've always mourned and suffered alone. There's a lot of beauty in the idea that you can be surrounded by people who love you regardless of how long they've known you, and to have those people carry some of that pain with you. I recently lost somebody, and as an atheist, I found most comforting words hollow and painfully meaningless. I found a poem by Heidi Priebe which has run through my head every day since: "Grief is a giant neon sign, protruding through everything, pointing everywhere, broadcasting loudly, "Love was here". In the finer print, quietly, "Love still is"." I wish you well on your journey of relearning how to live.

Your ability to self critique and your introspection should be praised. Thankyou for i troducing me to echoism, i felt it helped name things i see inside my own behaviours. This was fantastic beginning to end.

I watched this for a second time, and I can confidently say that this video changed the way I look at myself, and the way I let people treat me. You have inspired me to regain confidence in myself. Thank you.

My favourite analogy for grief is one I heard years ago. It's like a ball in a box, and the box has a button in it. Whenever that button is pressed all the feelings rush back and you feel everything about the people you lost and what happened at the time, as if the wound is fresh. In the beginning, the ball is as big as the box and it rolling around presses the button a lot. As time goes on, the ball gets smaller and smaller- it still hits the button sometimes, but it's much less than it was before.

Lost my dad when I was 11 and was back at school less than a month later and was expected to act like nothing happened... I remember being in a birthday party for one of the girls in my class and one of my friends came to tell me a group of my friends were talking about how I was just exaggerating and being dramatic and boring to hang out with for not getting over his death because it was "8 months ago" and apparently thats a long time for someone who's 11 lol. they will never have any idea what its like to be 13 and see a friend break a new phone and cry like crazy while I was there jusr thinking "omg... it's really expensive, but why is THIS the saddest thing to ever happen to her while I have to deal with the fact I can't remember how my dad sounded like".

I don’t know if you’ve ever read the Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson before, but the Harga remind me a lot of Hill House in the way it’s almost an entity of its own (almost Lovecraftian) and how it essentially absorbs the main character into it, due to the main character’s trauma and lack of familial stability. It certainly helps that HOHH has a lot of lesbian undertones between the main character and her “friend” she has a contentious relationship with, allowing the house to pit the two against each other (much like Dani and Christian)

oh... so thats what I've been overcoming, echoism fuck- HOLY SHIT THIS VIDEO IS TOO REAL STOP

right at the start of this video and i’m relating so hard to how your perspective has changed as you’re going through a personal loss. i connected with this movie immensely when it first came out because of grief and it’s the theme that has consistently stuck out to me in a very visceral way that i had never experienced prior. my sincerest condolences on your loss and i hope that you find healing in time 🧡

This is your greatest video. The vulnerability was so palpable, thank you for this. I hope soon you’ll heal and things become more bearable. I’m venting here: I grew up seeing death. My grandfather died five days after I was born, my other grandfather died when I was 3 and by the time I was in middle school I probably had gone to a funeral at least once every two years, probably more. I am hyper aware of the death of others and have experienced grief so many times, yet I still lack the skills to cope with it, or at least have compassion with myself. I’m so aware of the ephemeral existence of my loved ones that I have started to grief my mother, who is still alive. I cry missing her, when I just saw her, and while talking to her I can’t stop thinking she is going to leave. I can’t look at my cats without thinking that they will be gone one day too. In my head, I have to do everything to make them happy while they are alive, as if their happiness depended on me. I hope one day I can get better and manage my grief.

I've always thought the scene where they're crying together was beautiful even though it's manipulative. It's just that we're never able to have our feelings held like that. If anything you may seek comfort from an individual but not a group like that. It's like the cult also manipulated me in a way. You can see why Dani sinks into it because as someone who has a hard time showing more vulnerable emotions, I want to sink into it too. I haven't had the guts to watch this since I've grieved. For what it's worth I think this is a totally health way to work through grief. Art is such a good way to process, and it connects people without the downsides of a manipulative cult lol. I appreciated your vulnerability. Grief can feel really isolating but it's something that profoundly unites us all.

I saw the director's cut of midsommar in the theater on my first date with a witch after running away from a narcissistic, abusive husband six months prior. We're still together years later and it was an incredible, magical feeling to share Dani's catharsis and exit that theater with my girlfriend, huge grins on both of our faces. I'm glad you've come to a point now where you see the beauty in Florence Pugh's depiction of grief and I'm sorry for your loss.

This is so poignant and meaningful. Thank you for sharing all this with us. I'm honored to hear your pain, and your analysis is so powerful. You have made me reexamine losses in my own life through a new lense and clarified what it was about this film that spoke to me so much, but that i could never pin down directly. I'm so sorry for your loss and hope that over time your grieving makes your grief a little easier to carry.

I'm...so thankful to you for opening up and sharing your change of view point. The segment about echoism is a sort of wake up moment for me. I've been struggling to end a friendship because of my concern for that friend despite the lack of concern she has shown me. Hearing what echoism is, just sort of validates everything I've been working on in therapy and gives it a name and opens up so many doors for me. Just...thank you

To answer your question at the end... No, there is a third path. And that is to find your best friend in yourself. To depend and rely upon yourself. To treasure your own company and heal those inner wounds. To listen to your deeper, inner wisdoms. Not to rehash past woundings over and over, but to live more presently in the immense potential of now. Much love to you in your healing journey! Thank you for setting many others on theirs with this reflection. ❤

I'm so so sorry for your loss ❤ I watched your other video as soon as it came out and I disagreed with pretty much everything. I don't remember much of it right now (it's been almost 4 years) but I remember starting to write a very angry comment and ending up sobbing in a fetal position screaming into a pillow. Needless to say I never did post the angry comment, but I remember thinking the intense wave of grief that came over me while writing the comment was the thing connecting me to midsommar. I understood that while the movie itself was great, the thing that made me *understand* it was pain - and so I stopped criticizing people who I thought "didn't get it" and instead started wishing they never did end up getting it.

You have no idea how inspiring it is to see someone showing this kind of self-awareness and growth in this crappy crappy time for the world. I really hope you have a great year in the wake of whatever you've been going through. As for your last questions, as someone who's made some serious mistakes and made some serious progress... no, you're doing exactly the right thing here. Keep talking.

"What if I need him too often and it becomes a chore? He doesn't even ask me for anything, I've never even seen him cry so I'm the only one that's leaning." Oh my god, I never thought Dani's line would resonate with me so much. That's exactly how I acted during that entire relationship.. This video really hit in the most painful of places, since I recently had my first ever breakup merely a month ago, I'm still in the grieving process. I suppose I too have echoist tendencies. The gutwrenching fear of abandonment is still here... and losing him made me lose a huge part of myself too...

I have so much to say about this video 1.) i too have always found the scene of dani being comforted by the other women after christian cheats to be very comforting, a sentiment only shared by others who have experienced loss 2.) i lost two people who i was very close to, one being my father, when i was 15. i have always felt a visceral connection to this film, and i agree that if there was a way to express grief through film- this would be it. 3.) Grief is a stone you forever carry in your pocket, and when you reach your hand into that pocket it will be waiting. the journey of grieving you are going on is going to be difficult, but the strength and sense of self you will gain is invaluable. I am so sorry for your loss and i can empathize with your descriptions of grief. do not be afraid to lean on the people in your life because they love you and want to be there for you, i know from personal experience.

Beautiful video, thank you for introducing me, and so many others, to the concept of echoism. I think it’s going to help a lot of people to understand themselves better. I hope you have a great support system to help you through your grieving process. Take care, and remember that you can’t help anyone unless you help yourself first.

Never liked showing emotions for reasons. Ex told me that they felt I didnt care or hated them if I didnt show them my emotions. Asked me to talk to them about them. Later told me the reason they were avoiding & cheating on me was because I 'heaped all my emotions and problems' on them after 11 years together.

got recommended this video via algorithm and just intended to use it for background noise as i did chores around my house but...wow. you've articulated and sorted out what i've been going through for years and i feel like i've been beating my head against a wall to no avail. in my case, luckily i haven't lost anyone, but through various cumulative life events, i've completely lost my sense of self, or more accurately, discovered i've never really had a strong "self" to begin with. it's been devastating, and without any outwardly easy ways to explain what i've been feeling to anyone around me, i've just been isolated in these feelings without seemingly no way out. i'll probably be dealing with these feelings for the rest of my life, but there's so much power in knowing i'm not alone (reading comments here has been therapeutic in a way), and giving names to concepts helps me out more than i can articulate in a comment. thanks, stranger. also good on you for not being afraid to admit you changed your mind about something

The timing of finding and watching this video has just rocked my world a bit. I just had to break off a long standing friendship after being trapped in this echo-ist mindset and only being able to recognize the need for an end after someone other than me was hurt. To have that part of myself that has likely been actively damaging myself and my personal relationships for a long time now entirely laid out in a way I’ve never heard before was eye opening.

I hope this video reaches more people. The analysis on how grief and isolation are portrayed in the film made me feel seen and I know it will for others too. Great video and thanks for showing us the dual model for grieving that was very interesting.

I had no idea that such a thing as an echoist existed, it’s both comforting and upsetting to know something explained my life so well and I had no idea

20:30 I don't think Dani is a narcissist, even at the low end of the spectrum. She has PTSD. I also have PTSD. We do a thing called "mirroring" and we try to minimize our emotions to not be a burden on others, which is very much like you describe in Echoism. Like many mental health disorders, I suspect there's a lot of symptomatic overlap between the two. Dani just lost her entire family. Christian, as horribly as he treats her, is all she has left. She tends to mirror him and the people around her, people pleasing to such a massive degree that she's supplanted it as her own personality. She tries so hard to do what the people surrounding her do, even if it means doing things she's not comfortable with, like the mushrooms and attending the attestupa. She's terrified to be alone and would do anything to avoid it, which is why she is such an easy target for the Hårga. Just wanted to add, her behavior is also in line with abuse victims. Dani is a victim, not just of Christian (who is at best shockingly neglectful and dismissive of her), but also by her family. She's had to take a backseat to her sister's instability for years, if not her whole life. Anything she was going through was likely minimized by her family, saying that her sister's continual threats of Self Crit took precedence to anything Dani was had going on.

thank you so much for this video. i have struggled a lot with CPTSD following toxic dynamics with narcissistic people, i was misdiagnosed as borderline a decade ago, as i feel a lot of us are. i had never heard of "Echoism," despite being well familiar with Echo's side of the myth. I never had word before to describe my M.O in relationships -- to completely lose myself, and typically just avoid relationships altogether to prevent it. this has given me such an amazing word and concept to describe my exact experience, and definitely new angles of working with this. this is an invaluable video, and i've been sharing it really widely. thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

This video.. Is taking my words away. This video is a masterpiece. Your brain is a masterpiece. This right here is the most insightful stuff I have seen in a long time, well heard as I listen to videos mostly during my Tale in the deserting. But as I am a Danni (or how was it spelled), a girl that has lost her family in a slow painful way, is constantly losing herself into other people's needs, axious, depressed and unable to find her voice up to the point that I am really losing my voice for some reason, I really see the logic and parallels in the movie as you stated them. And it is great to have two interpretations of this piece as it has the basic surface story and the deeper red thread under it all. And it is important to see the differences between the two. I am a quiet BPD, but very much an echoist and my spouse is much like the opposite of me, only kind and caring. Every bit of your analysis is spot on, to the movie and the experience of myself and I'm somewhat saddened I missed out of most of the same realizations as I mostly fixed on those "that's not Swedish" details. I still do think that if they had put in a bit more work and brought in basic cultural behavior like removing shoes by the door, leaving doors unclosed considered impolite etc. it would have been even more exotic and culty to US audiences. And maybe we Finns would have seen more of the intended bits instead of the details of cultural norms missing. And the bit about her grief being amplified by the whole womanfolk, I did find that disturbing but not because it was weird, I found it disturbing because the idea of me releasing my grief feels dangerous and horrifying. That is the monster under my bed, raw emotion not contained.

What is art if not something to revisit and gain a new understanding of on additional viewings? The first time I saw it in theaters I had never been in a serious adult relationship and I had never experienced true grief beyond losing my childhood dog. I'm now almost 30 and I've been in my first adult relationship for 4 years, and I've experienced the loss of my beloved grandfather who was more like a father to me. My entire family watched him crumble away from pancreatic cancer. Watching this movie is a completely different experience for me now. I loved it then but I have an even deeper appreciation for it now. I made my partner watch it with me at the beginning of the relationship kindof as a test to see how he'd react and he loved it. We watch it every year and dressed up as Dani and Christian for Halloween 🤣 he's nothing like Christian though, but I have been in a cult before so 🤷🏼‍♀️

when i watched midsommar, i was just recovering from a relationship at the time, and since i have borderline personality disorder it can warp my perception of relationships quite a bit. i genuinely thought that our relationship was healthy and that we broke up on good terms, when in reality, we basically both felt miserable around each other but also hated it when we spent time with other people. midsommar was a horribly brutal reality check when i realized that hating your partner's presence and dreading communication is not normal or healthy at all. beautiful movie visually and story wise, and i think it's so cool how often i see people actually change their opinion about this movie. that's how it works. you go through things, you think one thing, and in retrospect, you realize you should have thought differently.

I'm very sorry that you've had to experience a loss that made it possible for you to see this film in a different light, but I'm glad that you were able to experience it as a well told and relatable story of grief. Perhaps unsurprisingly, given how new you say the concept is, I'd never heard of echoism before this video. It's something I believe describes me, though I've thankfully been able to make great strides in dealing with over the years through introspection despite not actually understand what it was entirely. I think that characteristic of Danni's is what made me so attached to Midsommar the first time I saw it. I was lucky enough to catch it in theaters, which happened to be about a year and a half after my own very beloved sister's suicide, and I had been in a relationship at that time that, while it wasn't anywhere near as toxic as the one in the film, it was pretty equally unhelpful in the grieving process. Danni's grief is so perfectly captured, and it resonated with me so much that I really don't think I would have understood if I hadn't experienced that same grief and lack of ability to handle it in a healthy way.