[Take The Free Quiz]: What's the #1 Reason You're Single: bit.ly/youresinglequiz

Hot and cold person is immature and usually playing mind games. Just walk away from them.

If a man runs hot and cold, blocked and deleted!!!!

When an emotionally broken man is using a woman, he’ll show these signs: - he avoids truly deep and emotionally vulnerable conversations - he's inconsistent - he only contacts you when he needs/wants something - he doesn't REALLY include you in his life (it's all an illusion/fantasy) - he avoids commitments/labels - he makes you feel guilty/crazy/needy - he doesn't truly support you or your goals (in any real and tangible way) So, 1) Never EVER be afraid of losing him. You are the Divine feminine. Let him fear losing YOU! 2) Have an EXTREMELY low tolerance for ANY bad behavior... AVOIDANT or NARCISSIST? Let's be real. It's irrelevant. They both behave the same. The damage they do is the same. The trauma they cause is the same. FUCK THEM BOTH. So, When there’s a disagreement, an argument, a conflict, some bullying, disrespect, boundaries being crossed etc... someone will inevitably, most likely, be disappointed in me... So, I engage in each and every situation in a way that ensures, that the person disappointed in me, NEVER ENDS UP BEING ME! I aim to never repress, never suppress. I aim to never lose parts of myself. Radical honesty only: 100% of the time. Always, all ways. AND REMEMBER: to test if ANY relationship is healthy - you've got to judge the relationship on its bad days, not on its good ones!

Yup. It works. Did just that. And cleared up the confusion enough so I walked. He said in the beginning that he wanted what I wanted but his actions through 5 months showed that he didn't want what I wanted. When I did as described he admitted that we weren't on the same page. So I left and found someone who was. I'd rather be single than with the wrong person. There are far worse things than being single!!!

If he disappears for weeks at a time just focus on you sis . A man that’s interested in you will let you know that you are his prize by actions not words. Words are never needed when there is action 😇

4 Initial Criteria - Need ALL (1) He Needs to know what he wants in a Relationship (2) Excited about Exploring Life Partnership with Me (3) Willing to Pursue Me (4) ABLE to Pursue Me

Keep him guessing by marrying someone else.

What I have learned the hard way: when a man really wants me he treats me like his queen and there is no doubt. When he stops that something is wrong, and mostly talking about it does not help much, because he is just not that into me (anymore). I would never try to fix a relationship with a man who is unsure about his feelings again, it's just a waste of time. Better move on.

"Maybe does not mean yes" good one.

When you see a red flag, take it into account. It is real

If you have to ask, it is mostly a no but he was planning to use you in the meantime

I’ve met a wonderful man who is totally consistent after a period of dating a man who had been hot and cold for over a year. I now know what love really is. It’s actions not words. I so needed to hear this. Thank you !!

Wow this is gold! Excitement means nothing. Consistency is what matters.

Just move on if someone plays these garbage games with you. It takes 5 seconds to send a text, to secure a date in someone you're interested in (i.e. "Are you free on Friday?" sent on Wednesday) It feels terrible to not have your time respected

I got that he has to be ready. If he is not available because of restrictions and drama let him figure it out and sort it out because he isnt ready to move forward with you.

Yes! I definitely liked to be pursued. Too much hot and cold from this guy I started dating. I noticed I had no clarity,lacked consistency and I felt like an option. I saw signs too…he was not emotionally available. I walked. No more for me!!

What if the guy is saying all the right things. He's consistent, pursued me, open & honest.... one day he's bought tickets to events in the future, says he's falling in love... the next day he's not texting me good morning, etc., not responding to texts, or takes hours to reply... how can someone make that change overnight?

Just leave him alone.

I find when I get needy, think about why he isn't responding, It's because i am not focused on my life. As soon as I am busy myself, the reply time doesn't matter.

I have been through this. Now he is silent so I am looking to the future. Its a shame, but I can't wait for someone who's already left ♥️

Excitement is not pursuit! So helpful. Thank you, Bern

Completely agree with this tactic, being, clear, direct, it saves your precious time! Respect yourself! Thanks!

I recently broke up with a man I have known for over 30 years. Our relationship was 7 months. He seemed caring and giving (always did, even as a friend) but not consistent. He pursued me early, and it abruptly stopped. When problems popped up, he was quick to want to end things. The first couple of times, I asked to give it time as that is what couples do, work it out. This last time, I tried talking to him and gave up. I tried to honor the friendship by giving it the time it needed. But, I feel like he was just looking for a companion to go along with him in life and not a true partner. Pursuit left quick and the relationship grew to be very one-sided. This was what the disagreements were about, wanting me to come to his home and never coming to mine. He called me yesterday stating that he was returning my call but I had never called him. I really fail to understand people. I was a happy person but life has sucked me dry. Consistency trumps excitement, I like that.

These messages is what I needed to hear. Can move on with empowerment now! Thank you 🙂

Intensity vs consistency! 👍🏼

My tension is not great. If he wanted to spend time. He would make it count.

Thanks Bern that was really helpful, particularly the part about being up front and saying I’m confused about your intentions and stating what you’re looking for so he can be upfront too.

SUM : Avoid narcissists :))))

Unfortunately, the guys I'm "talking" to do NOT take consistent action.... 😣 😞

When a man is hot and cold he usually dates multiple women, and has no time to divide himself. When he is sure about his woman, she does not need to ask, she will hear it ! Dont have the talk, walk the walk .

Thanks Bernie! I was meant to see this exact video, because I’m dealing with this now! This new guy has indicated to me and a mutual friend that he wants to take me out, but is also claiming he’s been busy. Typical, cop out excuse! 🤦🏽‍♀️So I put the ball back in his court and told him to let me know when he wants to hang. But I’m not putting in anymore effort until he does and will follow this video’s advice when I do see him!👌🏾

#1 take-away for me is to put all my cards on the table by the first/second date. Period.

Walk. Next.

Soooo good! Thank you. THIS is the kind of advice we need proliferated. Wish guys would get the memo too. Just be direct, open and kind. All good whatever is there but being open and clear is the way (even if the clarity is that you’re not sure yet)

2:11 excitement is not pursuit

Timely and relevant in my situation right now. Thank you Sir❤

my issue is that when I'm attached to someone it's VERY hard for me to detach even if I know they aren't right for me or as into it as I am....

Thank you for this video. It gave me the courage of ending a 2 months of intense dates with a guy who was playing hot and cold with me. I gave him a hall pass since he seemed shy, inexperienced with women and somewhat insecure. I feel he was also emotionally unavailable with strong avoidant tendencies. He pursued me but then I saw a quick shift in a lack of effort by date 7 to 8. The last straw was that this shift activated my nervous system and I knew I was in trouble. I made those initial red flags very pink and fell into the pretending game. I basically had enough and called him out on his behavior. I deserved to voice my relational courage and come from a place of dignity. My friends and I strongly suspect that he had a dating coach. In your experience, do male-serving dating coaches teach men to blow hot/cold? I know they want men to date multiple partners, but blowing hot/cold?

Thankd. I like people to be straightforward with me, likewise I'm straightforward with others.I can't deal with hot and cold stuff. Thanks for your advice.

Absolutely spot on! Well said as always Bern! 🥰

You are so right on playing hot and cold which goes both ways. I have to admit I started hot snd cold.

Timely, in that it was first up in my YT feed this morning. I have been in successive relationships w/men who are exciting & eager to pursue, but it unravels into confusion & heartbreak for me. I’m truly done with wasting time. Since I value and believe in myself, I know I deserve more, someone who equals what I give. For all you do, thank you❤

Hot and cold for 9 years he ghost me so i changed my number...🎉🎉🎉

Awesome. I havent heard this from a guy ever! Thank you. Sadly its 30 years to late, when I was in a hot and cold relationship. I didnt know, that I was playing this, too. Why arent they teaching this in schools?

He doesn't want to leave me completely. Also, not sure if he wants me. He says there's some connection but then calls himself single all the time. He also ensures that he doesn't talk to other girls. I'm really confused what he actually wants. He says he's just not sure yet if he wants to marry me or not. He'll ignore me for days and when i do the same he'll start giving attention. The problem is i live him and can't ignore him. I also told him that no one sided relation works. But he says i know it's difficult if the other person isn't putting efforts but if you truly live someone you don't expect anything in return. He's fu*ed up my mental health. He was very excited earlier, even proposed me but then his mother opposed. Since then he has been behaving mysteriously.

He's avoidant bro😢

Whats the guarantee that asking directly the guy wont lie to you? Guys lie esp at early stages n do nice things. Its only after some time you know the reality.

this whole video is gold!

*Make sure you ask early and often : where is he at, what does he want, what is he capable of. *Be vulnerable, direct and kind. Just be clear. *Ask for what you need - would you be able to connect with me in that way. 4 Initial Criteria - Need ALL (1) He Needs to know what he wants in a Relationship (2) Excited about Exploring Life Partnership with Me (3) Willing to Pursue Me (4) ABLE to Pursue Me

I just left a job that I asked for a raise with because I was doing the job of 3 and got denied. Been gone one day and already got a call saying another employee didn’t realize how much I do. Now they are trying to to hire 2 people since I left. Smfh! No appreciation.

I dated someone who was putting hella lot of effort and after like a month he called it quits saying he still like me and want to know me but doesn’t have time. Yet he was on dating apps soon after. After some weeks I reached out and he seemed interested but made no effort in setting a date so I called it quits saying that’s not what I deserve. And after some weeks he reached out BUT he said he never stopped wanting to see me and that’s insane cause bae you literally ended things with me initially!! Like what silly game is this.. apparently he wants it but not to the point to make an effort. I am reaching out now, conscious that i am being too easy on him and he is showing me nothing in return. But this is to make sure i can block him once and forever. Cause I can see his troubled mind so i get his confusion but I can’t solve his sht so he better decide fast

Thank you Bern for conscious clarity ❤Happy New Year!!!🎉🎉🎉

Great video Bern - thanks so much for creating!

Your best video yet!❤

So...I totally love you Bern, but I took your quiz and am stumped. It tells me I have a "gap in aliveness and compelling vision." And yet, the ONE thing the man I just started dating (who's been a friend for many months and knows me deeply) kept saying to me the night we started to get romantic was "You're so alive, you're so alive, oh my god..." Thoughts?

Beautiful advice , thanks for sharing ❤

My ex is doing this with me!!! At this juncture I know I can't be with him..he just had his 10th kid...I 💘 him but this is a situation that I know I have no room in..on top of it he keeps changing his number

My x was consistent. I know what that is. Dont even know if i want a relationship right now but thanks for the info.

Absolutely true. Thanku so much for your kind insights 🌹🌹❤️❤️🙏🙏

Wowo i did date a guy and every thing u said I asked J H Wowo I did date a guy and every thing u are saying I told me we know what he wants and is me well it was a lie so I walked away and 4 months now then he tex me Christmas and I did not tex him back thank u I learn a lot from you ubare the best

Thank you Bernardo for this ❤

What if you disappeared and you haven’t heard from him is there a possibility I’m going to hear from him what are you doing that situation? He comes back or he just not into me no more or he just figuring out things what he wants to be in this relationship or not

I will try to say this to him the next time we see each other im a filipino and American men are very hard to understand showing lots of different attitudes

this is what im going through

What a great video!! Thank you!!

Helpful thankyou 😊❤️

Excellent video ❤ Very helpful and great information

Great advice ❤🙏 I need it.

Hello Bernardo, guy i like, 14 yrs older, told me after 10 lovely dates, that he is not sure he is feeling whole, has not opened up fully what goes on for him, but it affects our intimacy and he mentioned it is frustrating for him.. I felt instantly unsure why he is giving me this and whether it is a hint he can't commit. He does have financial troubles, major changes in his life, after 26 yrs with a one woman. I am feeling like i want to pull back. He was consistent up to now. Seems decent and kind and unique, so i wanted us to be together but his text today, made me think bad things...

I have watched most of ur vd . All vd s are awesome 👍. But what about a guy who u like is already married.

Very helpful 👌. Thank you

5:57

Thanks I really needed this advice

I wish I could just have 10 minutes with Bernardo to chat.

Thank you, this has helped me tremendously. He sent me a msg earlier on and I havent replied. Can I reply with this?

Thank you so much I liked the part when you said I should vulnerably and kindly asking the questions without being needy. My question is how do I ask these questions ! Do I wait for him to call me then in the middle of conversation I ask him or wait for him to text then I text with this or I should go ahead and ask first . How should I do this through a call or text message thanks.

How is this the woman's fault? This video is supposed to address HIS issue, not hers. The title is "why a man is hot & cold." Training a grown adult man like a dog is not of interest to me. He's a human being, not a dog with behavioral problems. "Training" a man would leave me feeling empty & unloved. Almost like owning a robot & I held the remote control. That's not love & seems twisted & heartless to me.

Good topic. In my experience highly related to autism.

Bad idea if they're a narracist. They up the game.

If he wants friendship?

Run away.

Okay recently I told him I love him twice and I said aren't you going to say it back he said No and then said I see what I see what does that mean?

Thnku

I felt to make a nice surprise to my boyfriend, and I came with a cake for his birthday to the hotel where he was left with his job…… and he dont like it this because I dont called first….. why!??!?

How to even meet someone at 80 yo. Pretty dismal prospects, yes?

i am SURE he is into me but he is hot & cold. maybe it's my fault because i'm quite reserved and don't pay attention to him much😂

A minute and a half in and nope…God this sucks!

Well he is going through a D. So I need to keep walking away!

Cool man

Yes ASK EARLY

What if he’s a priest

This sounds super desperate on her part. I heard men don't like getting so serious early in dating game. This is too extreme... Trying to pin him down for a commitment too soon. Makes me very uncomfortable to demand a a promise of commitment so soon & it will make most men run as fast as possible. Keep it light & fun.

5:05 but lacks the what ?

Not looking for a guy to put up a Christmas tree or go to soccer practice. Last thing in my mind. I wanna have a good time with him, not plan a suburban family fantasy. Don't want a man who is a boring, run of the mill, soccer Dad. Too ordinary & dull.

😊😮❤

Very helpful thank you