Is The Avoidant Responsible For Your Feelings When In A Committed Relationship?

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Is The Avoidant Responsible For Your Feelings When In A Committed Relationship?

Рет қаралды 11,630

Күн бұрын

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In this episode of “Can This Be Fixed” on the Thais Gibson Podcast, Thais is joined by Co-host Mike DiZio to answer a mix of audience questions about relationships.
Why are we attracted to people who get under our skin, or who trigger our deepest core wounds?
What do you do when a dismissive avoidant shuts down and stonewalls you during conflict?
Is there such a thing as too much empathy? How can you balance being empathetic towards others with honoring your own needs?
Tune in to listen to fruitful discussions and find answers to all these questions!
Let’s connect!
/ @thepersonaldevelopmen...
/ thaisgibson
/ thepersonaldevelopment...
/ thepersonaldevelopment...
Find Mike Online:
/ dareal_mikedee
#TheThaisGibsonPodcast

Пікірлер: 69

@user-cu7so2zs2b Ай бұрын

Omg that was so helpful hearing Mike's showing up securely and then being rejected, mainly because I'm getting the courage to show up securely and vulnerably and being rejected. I'm ok because I've mastered nurturing myself. But if someone had said that to me on a date, and I am someone who really struggles to be on time (although I do call and apologise and try hard to be on time) I think I would have teared up to hear a man being so gently vulnerable. Thanks for demonstrating it. I get so much stonewalling, gaslighting etc that I don't know what it looks like. I mean I don't know what being gently vulnerable looks like or sounds like.

@f135ta Ай бұрын

@15:56 - Raising the issue of being late - doesnt necessarily have to be about the actual lateness. Sometimes its useful to raise it to see how they handle the 'conflict'

@DrowningAreYou Ай бұрын

5:30 start here… Absolutely.

@peacepantherproductions Ай бұрын

I like this format a lot

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Ай бұрын

Thank you for your kind comment :)

@spikygreen 14 күн бұрын

46:47 - such a typical avoidant 😅 minimal effort, being scared by anything other than minimal effort from others. I agree, I would find it a bit awkward if someone brought me so many gifts on the second date. But i would absolutely let a little bit of awkwardness slip to have such a thoughtful, wonderful partner!

@lilove6560 Ай бұрын

Appreciating letting us eavesdrop on this conversation/podcast format. 💗

@PaigeYesLee Ай бұрын

Thank You Thais… for Everything 😊❤️🙏

@theplaylister Ай бұрын

timestamps?

@the_agate_gate3782 18 күн бұрын

Ugh, as a woman who grew up hanging out with mostly guys due to similar interests, i CANNOT STAND guys that make a big deal about me having male friends. Or on the other hand, girls who are dating my friends getting all jealous or insecure about me hanging out with them. Like, people can just have friends. If you feel like you can’t trust someone, why even be in a relationship with them?

@chrismaxwell1624 Ай бұрын

I think we should responsible for our own emotions. We can ask for support when we are emotional but ultimately it's up to me to responsible for my emotions. It's not someone else job to responsible for my emotions. They have no control over my emotions. They can help to make it the experience worse or better but the responsibility is mine. I don't need to let my emotion run amuck and take my anger at myself out on someone else. The emotion will pass in short time and I'll be good, help me by giving me space and understanding so I can regulate my emotions.

@helenemakuch8366 Ай бұрын

Did I miss something? What to do when you are being stonewalled...never saw that addressed?

@austinsmith3755 Ай бұрын

....I thought it was just me lol

@troyanstone65 Ай бұрын

It's so clear that DA and FA feel triggered the moment an AP shows care or thought or is straight up asking questions. In the dating scenario, she asked, "so what do you think?" It's because she was trying to eliminate worrying for hours or days anxiously wondering if he liked her or wanted to go on a 2nd one, it's pre-empting anxiety and trying to eliminate it. DAs think anything caring,warm or loving is TOO MUCH and are suspicious of it cause they didnt get it as children, feel not deserving of it in adulthood and cant match it emotionally and so it produces resentment and an uncomfortable feeling of being less than. If a DA feels they dont know the person after a date its because they didnt ask questions but seem quick to be critical afterwards for the other person to have not told them more about themselves. DA cant be bothered asking, they seem happy not investing and making assumptions based on what is given to them and then complain that it isnt enough (which is ACTUALLY their core wound). So interesting and yep, no answer to the stonewalling title, unless l missed it somewhere.

@helenemakuch8366 Ай бұрын

@@troyanstone65 I'd prefer to hear from Thais about this. Maybe you have an anxious attachment style and so it makes sense to you since you would act this way? I find it desperate behaviour and my stop signs would be going up for sure. I am not avoidant.

@troyanstone65 Ай бұрын

@@helenemakuch8366 Every side has perspectives for the others to understand. They each are adopted strategies from trauma for safety, none are wrong but the willingness to understand from the others perspectives can only be useful imo. We are all here listening, learning, vulnerably sharing our thoughts. Everyones sharings are valid and that is the beauty of us all here, learning together. 💖

@helenemakuch8366 Ай бұрын

I am not here to listen to what you have to say. You are not the professional here but you seem to think you are.

@leannebracey862 Ай бұрын

But you didn’t talk about the stonewalling?????

@alexdookhoo1389 Ай бұрын

I enjoyed this video alot ❤it was very interesting to hear the different experiences you both had and also about the different attachment styles, very informative👍🏽. Keep up the good work Thais😀.

@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Ай бұрын

Thank you for your kind comment Alex :) We're so glad to hear that you've found great value out of the content !

@aquaintsound Ай бұрын

Some good content but i was looking for information about stonewalling which wasnt here.

@f135ta Ай бұрын

Love this format!

@ScottWebb27 20 күн бұрын

The beauty of a start of a relationship or potential relationship is probably due to each person actually doing everything you can and you are possibly LARPING a beautiful secure relationship. Sharing how you're feeling, being affectionate, making time, being curious, making eachother feel seen, heard, important. Then, someone is triggered and ... I"m not sayign this is how it is or whatever, but im just thinking out loud. and wondering if this is kinda what's going on at the beginning...?

@erijahc 18 күн бұрын

Hi Thais, thank you for this video. I just wasn't very clear on the answer to the title of this video. If the DA broke up with you, abandoned you and stonewalled with very little explanation - is he responsible for your feelings? This is so trivial to me as I understand in a relationship, both of you are present but he no longer wants to engage after dropping the break up news; I am left with so many questions with little to no explanation. I am left to my own devices to figure out what went wrong and been ruminating for 2 months now.

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