“You’re damn right I’m hostile towards people that aren’t squared away” I died

I've learned from listening to Jocko and applying his wisdom that the phrase "how can I help?" solves almost any conflict. Nothing disarms an adversary and puts my own ego in check like sincerely, humbly trying to help the person my ego views as a threat. If I can hold back my emotions and reactions (unattaching) long enough to think rationally, I can turn almost any situation into a positive learning experience (for all involved parties). In religion, politics, business, and interpersonal relationships, the ability to distinguish between literal threats and "non-factors" are the key to the success of your agenda. Thanks for the awesome info as always!!

"If I'm so smart, why am I losing?" Amazing way to check your own ego and get the hell out of your own way.

Building a relationship and working with someone you don’t like to achieve a mission. That’s professionalism. That’s how you win.

I have a boss I am forced to see first thing in morning and one thing ive realized is if you just treat them with kindness and don’t expect anything back from them.... you will win every single time because even when you just say good morning and they don’t respond... they think they are insulting you with not responding but if you know better and understand that them not responding is due to their own unhappiness then them not responding is you WINNING lol

P/S, I was pleasantly surprised last week to find out that my teenage daughter listens to your podcasts. This is how I found out: I started playing one of your clips and she was in the room. She said, "Hey mom - is that the Navy Seal guy's podcast? You know him too 😲?" So you guys should know your reaching out to multiple generations and effectively changing lives for better!!!! Thank you for all you do.

I love how jocko admits his mistakes as a young man. Trying to be tough... I’m 31 realizing how stupid I’ve been but, I learn from my mistakes and trying to be a better man everyday.

“If I’m so smart, why can’t I influence this person.” Simple yet true. I’m in sales and that’s been a hang up of mine recently. It’s my fault.

This really hit home...I've always thought I was humble but deep down I'm too conceited...I'm gonna work on it from here on out

One of my instructors when I was in class to become a towercrane driver told me " you can be the best operator in the crane but if you do not know how to handle your ground crew or the people you serve, you will suck and not have a long career up there ". or you can mess up many times but if your crew loves you, you will be a legend " I have never forgotten those words because that was a golden. To this day I still hear him yelling through my radio " NO MERCY FOR YOU DANNY BOY " My first try in a new company and 5 days later I had the job and best crew ever. Know how to handle your people.

This is work 101, there is always someone you like less. After a while you just manage to ignore that fact, you are at work to get it done, friends are a bonus.

"That sounds manipulative, conniving, not keeping it real" - Being autistic, to me even keeping it real is a sort of act that I learned to perform, so in a way I learned to view all behaviour as manipulative or somewhat acted. What matters is the intention, and when the intention is to get shit done, being cooperative and respectful to someone you despise is 100% true to the intention to get shit done. Maybe not true to your feelings but the point was to get shit done not to express your feelings.

I watch this everyday before work. I’ve been promoted twice since I started. The one I didn’t like now works underneath me. I am still not finished. Still have a mission that needs to be completed. Thanks for your inspiration.

I love how you guys can be humble and tough at the same time. Too many tough guys out there need to humble themselves

Jocko often looks like a little boy with a big secret he can't wait to tell his best friend :)

"Being humble goes a loooong way" - Only being 30 years old and I've realized this. Being honest about your mistakes and showing how you can improve them combined with being humble about your skills and limitations will ease most tensions. I've been to meetings where the room was electrified coming in. But being just 1 person in there to stay the course of the objective helped so much in rebuilding a bit of trust and removing tensions for further development

Love the humility that Jocko shows in his response here. Really says a lot about the character of a man to acknowledge his weaknesses.

"wisdom based on humility leads to progress. wisdom based on hostility leads to regress" Eugene Logan

Our own EGO can be the worst enemy. A good book to read is "Ego is the Enemy" by Ryan Holiday

Wonderful stuff, Jocko. This can often work in both directions, too -- depending on the situation. You notice another is being disrespectful or even hostile all the time, so you say to him: "I know you have very little respect for me at present, and that might or might not change later on -- I can live with it either way. But for now, I think you'll agree that, as your supervisor/boss/brother, I am entitled to your co-operation. Without it, the unit/company/family is damaged -- and neither one of us wants that. Do you want to try and go forward on that basis?" (Everybody learns that it isn't what others think of me that really matters -- it's what I think of me. And bad behavior, no matter how justified, will sooner or later always make me think less of myself.)

'' If I am so smart, why am I not winning? '' That kinda got through me because I sabotage myself pretty often just out of pride and stubbornness, although I know Im consciously deciding to lose as long as I feel I am right. So my principles are more important for me than to succed in certain situations, which leads to a lot of unhappiness obviously and I feel like I should change that behavior. Well thanks for the great content!

“Be friendly, but not friends”

So many people get in their own way at work by thinking that reacting emotionally and bitching at everyone and everything means that they are genuine and have integrity. This should be mandatory viewing. At work, integrity means working together and I don’t care who you like or don’t like.

I drove a cab for a couple of years and one thing that learned is that if you don't respond to difficult people in a way that escalates the situation and you keep a consistent level head and do not let them influence the way that you handle the situation, 9 times out of ten they settle down rather quickly and end up with a much more productive situation.

Be kind to people, but don't let them take advantage of you. And trust people, but don't let them deceive you.

My last job i got fired after telling a coworker off who I felt the victim of bullying/gossip etc... Even though I was right, I could tell I really lost in that situation. I couldn't just let it go and i lost sight of my bigger mission. It was a very toxic work place but I could've left with more grace. But I'm grateful it happened and is in the past because I know not to let it happen again

"I got dinged on my evaluation, it was for lack of communication or something, I dunno I wasn't really listening" (paraphrased). lul.

We get taught we screw up then have to relearn,I’m blown away at 45 and sober I’m putting myself through this self mentoring by watching Jocko and have been for the last yr,there’s no amount of thanks I can give I wake to the man I lift to him I run to him he’s literally the dad I I never had and I wish I had.

Rule number 1, never outshine the master

As much as I love the theory of this, there are people who will abuse your willingness to let your guard down. If they are in your family, they are inescapable unless you can manage to cut all contact or keep them at a distance. There is a point where this will become inviting abuse, at least in a certain context. If you're dealing with a normal person, yeah, this advice works. It's a pretty good method to filter out people who you can develop respect for, and people who aren't willing to respect others.

I haven’t listened yet but I’m surprised to here Jocko speak of winning with people that you don’t like. Maybe I’m stubborn or something but I don’t even want to be around people I do not like and I won’t try to do anything with them.

I like being the team member who does everything above and beyond what is expected me without expectations from anyone. It's a good way too measure the quality of people we work with. When asked for volunteers always be first. Do your duty without being asked to do it. Don't complain or whine about anything. Don't talk about people if they are not their to defend themselves. The less we speak the more we listen and the more we listen the more we understand and the more we understand the more we can accomplish.

I would just like to thank you for the assistance you offered me as a young man. I've got myself together. Ill be the general manager of the restaurant I've been working at since highschool. I WILL be an owner and franchisee before I'm 21. So thanks for the help in realizing what im capable of.

Jocko, this came at the right time. You gotta know how I play the game to get ahead and care for those who you do actually like. Love you podcast, full of wisdom and insights.

This the mentality of a true team leader & team worrier u go Jocko💪🙏👍

The point is you are not trying to win "for" people you don't like. You just have to win with them. So being polite to them and not expecting nice response and dedicated work from them are included as your job to win something. Stay in the course to win something and complete your mission. That's all about professionalism. Thanks Jocko

"Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer." (The Godfather Rule)

This subject resonates with me and I imagine most people. Ego and pride can be major stumbling blocks for all people.

IN MY OPINION, winning people that you don't like is similar to letting an enemy inside your house. There's no shortage of good people out there. If you need to win over somebody, chances are they probably shouldn't be in your life.

I learned this Jocko and I hope you read this. I'm 22 and learned if they're smart, be tough. If they are tough be smart. If they are foolish, be righteous. If they are righteous, be a bit foolish.

"If I am that smart, why can't I win?". Such a lovely way to put it.

I totally agree as a starting point. Spot on, I agree with every thing. The thing I don't think you take into account is how moderate to high level narcissists treat weak individuals who show humility. It's a terrible cycle. It damages individuals long term. It's fair that you didn't bring it up, because it's relatively uncommon.

'Being humble goes a loooong way'.

True story... when you don’t like someone & you’re honest with yourself about the answer, it will often be your own ego that’s in the way! It’s often something you don’t like about yourself that you see in the other person!

Hey guys, I needed this one! I’m in barber school and I really had to put my ego in check yesterday. I just feel like I’m not getting anything out of my education at the school. The instructor and his wife are crooks. They don’t even teach anything and it’s a blessing I know how to cut already and keep my business running. They profit off their students and students aren’t able to do much about which created a toxic environment or made me not want to go. They threaten to suspend me if I keep skipping school and they charge you money for missing attendance hours. I can’t afford miss anymore if I want my license honestly. I’m glad I saw this video bc I was going to drop out of something I love doing. I can’t let them get in the way man. Again, thank you.

You know, this is the reassurance I needed to hear to motivate me to let go of my personal ambitions for the sake of my team.

Can confirm this mindset helps. I've only had one superior assigned to me it didn't work with because they would outright lie when they thought it would make them look better. I tried for months to assume that I misunderstood what was so - maybe they aren't lying and I just don't know any better. But it just kept happening. After a few months, I spent a little time quietly double checking when I thought there was dishonesty. It turned out that an overwhelming preponderance of the time they were, in fact, lying. So, I started to push back harder or discreetly guide our choices elsewhere when I knew they were lying. They would never give if the truth made them look less awesome to higher leadership. Finally, the next guy up above this dishonest superior asked me for feedback for how my part of his team was doing.... And I just... Told him the truth. He asked for verification for a few of these example lies. I showed him the evidence that made me reach my conclusion. And then nothing happened. This person continued to be dishonest when it suited them. If I sound angry about it, it's because I'm still angry that we even have people like this being given authority and that I never figured out a way to improve the situation.

Sitting here eating my post workout meal and getting life lessons from Jocko... Life is good. Much love n respect! 🤙🤙🤙

So true. It's the ego that makes us dislike other people. A good soul search has helped me many a times. From observing people who really have a name in society, but "carry out the trash out" voluntarily, that to me is a lasting lesson than the man-made "Thou shalt not!!!" Thank you for these podcasts.

6:15 you're understanding your own limitations and his limitations and taking charge of getting him to comply because he wants to, not against his ego. you're being the man.

That was one of the best podcasts of Jocko I ever heard. And Echo has much more intense energy in this one.

Jocko's message and method is worthy to be saluted every time we listen. His sidekick cheer leader needs to grow up.

Having hostility towards those that are not squared away. I can totally relate. I try to focus on people's positive qualities rather than the negative. Usually when we don't like someone, it's because we subconsciously see our own bad behavior in others. Next time you get angry with someone, just say to yourself, thats me on a bad day, and you'll see how your perspective changes.

These videos are great! I really appreciate your advice!

Once a relationship turns sour I have never been able to improve the situation. Everything I have ever tried has just made things worse. All I know to do is go grey rock and slow down the decline.

100% agree. I would also add to build the relationship by asking opposition sincere honest questions on their way of thinking, listen, don't interrupt, let them encourage them elaborate more. You can still hold your ground and respectfully challenge, do but with calm self control.

This is the most helpful Jocko video I've ever watched. I have a problem where I think I'm smarter or better than a lot of my bosses and it always just stresses me out and messes things up. I'm going to try to put my ego aside and work WITH my boss to see if I can make things smoother. It's going to be hard but I think it might be worth it.

I'm doing my best, and hearing this I noticed I have things I could do better or be better at. And I'm thankful for that.

I am in a challenging situation and this is so helpful. Thank you.

Once again you have shared the necessary tools for success. I dont have the right words to express how valuable the information you provide is to me, and everyone else looking for answers and solutions. Thank you.

Jocko & Echo, thank you for showcasing this story. These lessons will help to make strong people better team players. Your guys mindset is much appreciated.

A lot of people did not like our commander in 2016, people said a million things about him but what I respected is that we were a work for 2 weeks straight during the holidays and himself, the 1sgt, and the CMSgt all visited us on Christmas day and stayed and talked w/ us for over 2 hours! It’s the small things 👍🏽

When Jaco says your ego is what makes you not like somebody that's some true stuff right there and that's something that we should all look at and put our ego aside and figure them out even if there are enemy

Jocko dropping gems all day, every day!

There was a time when I thought I was "all that" at work. Then one day at home I found myself scrubbing out the toilet in my kids bathroom and I thought, ok, whatever you do in life, changing a diaper or scrubbing out a toilet is a great reminder you're still nothing and to be humble. Nothing like those jobs to remind you to stay humble.

I hear you out... I had the same situation in sports and I did put my ego aside and i still didn’t get anywhere... here my story if you care to listen... I’m in high school playing basketball.. played since 7th grade and from 7th to 10th grade my relationship with my coach was much like yours with your superior... I thought he was weak.. not a good leader or motivator.. and I felt that he was not putting his best effort towards our basketball team.. and his results reflect that.. we hardly ever had a winning season despite having above average talent on the team.. he still coaches at that school as we speak and he’s still a loser... he once told our team “I don’t care if you guys win or not I get paid on Friday”... so me being a passionate leader I always undermined him and we grew animosity between us... the breaking point was the start of my 11th grade year... we are losing by about 20 or more at half time and I can see his body language that he’s already giving up on us.. I broke the silence and said “coach why don’t we try a full court press when we go back out there it’s not over plus we have nothing to lose” if you don’t know.. a full court press is where you apply extreme pressure to try and force turnovers and prevent the other team from getting the ball past half court... it’s a tactic to change momentum and start a comeback.. well when I suggested that he belittled me in front of the whole team and pretty much told me I could never execute a full court press... a giant spit between my eyes is what it was... that night I turned in my uniform and promised myself no matter what I would never play for him again... my dad was LIVID when I told him I quit... he threaten to come to my moms and drag me outta the house and beat my ass... but I stuck to my decision and called his bluff... I had made up mind and no one could make me play for him... well i didn’t play for the rest of that Season... my senior year rolled around and my former teammates were begging me to come back and play... I told them many times I can’t play for him... the continued to express how bad they needed/wanted me to play... after all I was not the best player on the team but I was the glue the leader and the voice of our team... I told my teammates I will not ask him to come... y’all will have to ask him... (notice my ego was still in the way at that point) well my teammates everyday at practice would ask “coach are you gonna let bub come back and play his senior season?” He simply would not answer them... well now it has started to weigh on me.. I did love playing and I did love my teammates and I would love to play my senior year... so I put my ego aside and said you know what I’m gonna go talk to him and get back on the team... I went back in his office and laid my heart out on the table and told him I know I quit on you... I know you don’t owe me anything... all I’m asking is for a chance... I promise you I will give 110% percent for you and if you say jump I will leap!! If I don’t earn my spot back then that’s okay... I just want a chance... I was in tears when I was telling him this... I meant it... he straight up told me no I could not rejoin the team... well him and my dad graduated together and won a state championship in basketball at the very same school together... my brother graduated two years earlier and he was the best player on the team for 3 years averaging 28 and 12 boards a game... my first cousin had a lot of pull at the school also... so my basketball coach started receiving a lot of phone calls from a lot of people... even the head baseball coach, principal, and county supervisor requested that he allow me to play my senior year... so at last I got put back on the team... and as promised I played my ever living heart out every minute of every practice... no one on the team played with even half the effort that I did in practice and I was whipping butt in practice out doing everyone who had my position... well come time to announce the starting line up for the season... sure enough my name was on there... I got my spot back!!! I continued to play with same effort as the season started... and I didn’t ever talk back or undermine his plan... I was all support... I put ego aside and tried to make us better for the teams sake... we lost our first game of the season by 1... (to a team that full court pressed the whole game) but after that we rattled off 6 straight wins... won a county wide tournament! We were 6-1... and that’s when coach decided to relinquish my starting position and give to a under classman who was not as good as me by any measure... another spit in the face but I didn’t let it get me down and I didn’t let my ego show... I just played even harder with me minutes I was given and my minutes slowly kept going down... everytime I’d get on the court we would start playing better... again I was not the best scorer or player... but my presence out there made our star players play better... well by the end of my senior year I was never put in the game in the fourth quarter and I was only getting meaningless “breather” minutes... that’s giving starters a chance to catch their breath then coming right back out... my teammates were questioning him... fans were asking why he doesn’t play me more... but I still didn’t let my ego show.. I supported the team from bench and was the loudest cheerleader in the gym lol I even changed how my guys played from the bench.. even on senior night I didn’t start and I didn’t play much and I didn’t get put in the final minutes of my 6 year basketball career... what a thank you?! Lol I think that was his way of giving me pay back for pretty much being forced to let me play my senior year by his peers and superiors.. he only allowed me to play and start for 7 games just to get them off his back then he tortured me... we still went 19-13 that year... his only winning season and he’s been coaching there since 2006... I graduated in 2012... he’s still the coach... I still have nightmares where I’m trying to win my spot back and trying to please him... the point of me typing all this is to say.. sometimes the damage is already to severe in a relationship to reverse by changing your ego... some people are just toxic and still will not appreciate your selflessness after you’ve chosen to follow their command and work with them

It's nice to hear how much I was also like Jocko when I was young. I smiled ear to ear through this whole video.

Agreed,we must start with Humility! Thank you! Very helpful!

Wow, this is probably the most important thing I have heard in a very long time. Everyone needs to hear this lesson every day. I need to hear this lesson everyday. If I had internalized this lesson years ago, life would have been so much different, so much better. I have antagonized every. single. stupid boss. I ever had. omg what an idiot I am. I should have known better.

I think Jocko’s advice works in many circumstances. However, he had the advantage of working with SEALS, which are hardly “regular” people in terms of physical, mental, and organizational abilities. It doesn’t usually take much to steer talented people on the right track. There are some workplaces where the culture and leadership are unbelievably toxic (e.g. lack of equal opportunity, embezzlement). In those cases, if you’re at the bottom of the ladder, you should leave. If you’re at the top of the ladder, you need a total overhaul of the organization, or let it die in its toxicity.

This just assisted me in my Flight Chief mission. I now have the wordage I have been trying to find to speak with my boss. I have the same goal of team win and this video just sparked my mind and we will see how tonight comes out. This is what I needed and couldn't find the way to explain it.

5:30 The difference between truth and the subtitles are awesome. 💯

This is great advice. One example that comes to mind that makes me disagree with this is supporting a family member that's in a toxic relationship (or has a bad addiction). Say you're supportive for years, you help when it's needed or when you were asked to. After every crisis your mom/sister/daughter goes back to the scum bag, because he said 'sorry' and got some flowers. Same thing for years. I think at this point you have to stop helping. So I said, 'hey, I love you, we're family. You can come to me with anything EXCEPT your relationship problems. 3rd time you failed for divorce and then you withdraw it. I was there every single time. Not anymore. It's a waste of my time, my money, my nerves. You made a choice. Live with it. If you want to change - change it.

I am a smart person and I've learned tk realise how intelligence is almost pointless in life. Whatd really important is appreciating who takes the tine to embark on the adventures you lead. Without a team you will be alone and have to do everything yourself. Understanding its a two way road goes a long way when you lead a team. The best way to motivate a team is to give them something in return and try as much as possible to give them the freedom they need to realise their full potential. Another good thing to do is to listen to their suggestions and apply them if they are more clever than your own solutions! I thought being smarter meant always coming up with the smartest solutions all the time but this can't be further from the truth. Sometimes willingly giving someone less experienced the spotlight even if they might fail will give them the experience needed to be even better later on. So wiser I got in my late 10's the more I realised being a good leader meant admitting your incompetance in some things and that finding people who complete you works amaxingly well. Two people wanting to lead don't go well if you try to control everything.

Yeah that sentence "if I am so smart, why am I not winning" applies to me right now. Got too full of myself: I quit my steady bartending job (bartending is my dream career rn) for a better one, which wasn't so much better afterall. I quit that one too after one week, because it wasn't what I dreamed of, it wasn't perfect so it wasn't good enough for Me. And I was sure I can get a better one in a few weeks. That was 2 months ago. Now working a shit job that pays like shit, struggling to pay my rent and bills, a really humbling experience. I will now get my head out of my ass and continue life more humbly.

Years ago, I would run into people who I didn't like. Then, I began to realize the the reason I disliked them, was because I saw my my own ego reflected in them and didn't want to be like that anymore.

"We all need each other, for each of us, needs all of us." Jim Rohn

Some people you cant reason or get along with. They are narcissistic.

This video is spot on. Maybe Jocko's best podcast. Keeping the ego in check solves 80% of all relationship problems inside the team and outside the team.

"Never outshine the master."

Learning a lot of ways ego can manifest itself listening to Jocko. Tons of stuff for me to improve on. Bonus also is it enhances empathy and insight into others. Stripping away the things my ego could be competing for means I can focus my passions and energies on more meaningful endeavors with awareness that can benefit others and myself. Might be an age thing but I'm noticing that all the stuff ego could compete for or advertise has the additional liabilities of maintenance and deception. Maintenance in the form of you gotta keep whatever you think your ego is holding on to and deception if you try and convince others of something you don't have. If your worried about losing respect, jobs or relationships over losing that, what did you really have anyway? You were on borrowed time and son, the clock just ran out...😳

I'm dealing with someone I don't believe deserves his position right now, but I believe this video opened me up, hopefully I'll be able to continue working with him by putting my ego in check and help get the common goal achieved.

"Being humble goes a long way." Damn straight it does.

I am 40 years old and I am just now learning this.

Don't try to steal from that somebody.... Instead; learn from him (her) and be at their service, regardless. Learnt that at 26...worked marvels for me....!

It’s a good realization to have also knowing what winning and losing is to you personally is a good measured the understand it’s different for everybody.

Damn G! Needed to hear this today! Shout out to jocko and echo for dropping some free game.

Yup the last bit resonates with me. So many people get to a position of authority and things become 'beneath' them. I always take out the trash

Happens in construction work all the time thanks for the knowledge

Being humble goes a looong way

And don't let them mistake your kindness for weakness.

1:22 Echo mumbles "bck iN tHe dEy"

amazing lesson about life and our relationships with other people....

I agree with this when your heart and head are in the right place. Jocko had a genuine interest in building a relationship with someone who also appears to want a good relationship. The issue is when one party has no desire to build a relationship with you. This does happen and the answer in those situations I think is to go play in another sandbox and build relationships with people who actually want to work with you and not against you.

Right now I have two people in our lives that unfortunately I have to deal with them. One of them is not a bad person (maybe I’m wrong) and he’s “nice” and polite but I don’t like him and I have strong reasons why. The other one is someone who at first I thought she was a “good “ person but I also have reasons why she’s not, and even though she’s also polite and “nice” with us, I wish I don’t have to deal with them at all. I am genuinely a nice person but I can’t be hypocrite, so my only option is just be polite, courteous, kill them with kindness and just tolerate them, not because I want to but bc it’s the right thing to do as a Christian even if they don’t deserve it.

Yes, is work for the group, and achieve the goal for the better of all.. ego is only a distraction for our future achievements.

You are a powerful human, and a leader. We love you

Applying this lesson NOW.

Jocko, I wish I had heard these words 6 months ago. This is pure wisdom.

Day to day i put jocko’s advice into play through various scenarios i have in life. Never yet has the advise let me down. Every time i hear a piece here a piece there i think how can i relate this back in my world. And man oh man its got me promotions respect and above all MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. And thats what i am about getting the best out of myself and my team. Forget these motivational wanna be’s. JW spells it out in full colour for me. When i need some info i just turn into here and shut up and listen..