Wouldn't it be ironic if the guy who asked this question completely ignored Jocko's advice?

Respectfully, if no one is listening, stop talking.

guy: "nobody likes me" jocko: "do some jiu jitsu"

My dad always told me “nobody wants to hear your opinion… if they do, they will ask”… so damn true. It’s a universal fact that most people will not listen to unsolicited advice unless you are some type of perceived authority or successful example of the advice you are offering.. and even then, people probably won’t listen if they didn’t ask for it.

A guy : “Hey Jesus, I keep giving pearls to pigs, but they don’t appreciate how valuable they are.” Jesus : “yeah don’t do that.”

The guy is probably in his room right now thinking, “Woooow even Jocko didn’t listen to me!!”

Crazy how this kid's honest question and jocko's honest response to him made me realize how alike i am to the kid and how compelling jocko's words are.

I'm over 30 and I realized around college that people don't want solutions or advice, most of the time they just want to talk about themselves, seek sympathy, or just wan to be listened to. Since then I've stopped giving advice unless asked for, and even if I give it then I'm not expecting it to be followed. On the flipside the issue is that: - my expectations of people are lower now - it's hard to care about their problems since they themselves do not care enough to actually solve them - how to differentiate between the people that just want to talk about their problems vs people that actually seek help? - some people do not want help at all, they feel like they need to find a solution on their own. So what do you do with these people that refuse help, but are doing something wrong that is hurting themselves and their colleagues?

Jocko: "how many times have you heard me say I KNOW IM RIGHT" *As he points a Knife at echo* Echo without missing a beat: "NONE"

"I use facts and logic." "Honesty without grace can be brutality." is what my mom told me

"Even Corvettes that aren't Corvettes start looking like Corvettes." -Jocko

Some people don't want help, some people just want someone to listen to them while they vent. Knowing when to give advice and when to shut up takes tact and patience.

"If you smell sh*t everywhere you go, check your shoes."

Jocko listened to you. That surely is a good start! :D

The second letter gave me the creeps a lot, such a controlling mentality. Many domestic abusers think this way - everything is a slight, an insult, and a threat. It’s a recipe for a miserable, lonely life and chronic victimhood. Well done for the advice I hope you got through to them

I'm glad he had the courage to ask that question. Can you imagine being so insecure, and you come to a man like Jocko with that. It had to be intimidating. I guess I know because I feel some of the same things that guy was saying.

“Listen with curiosity. Speak with honesty. Act with integrity. The greatest problem with communication is we don’t listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don’t listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what’s behind the words.” ― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

I have an immense amount of respect for people like Jocko, who get a letter that would be so easy to just laugh off, but he actually has the patience and spine to answer with sound advice. Such level headed people are extremely rare nowadays.

I can attest that I fell victim to this mindset. It's taken me a while to look at myself honestly and scrutinize the worst of my character traits. Listening to this was therapeutic and reassuring that I'm on the right track. The straight talk from Jocko cuts through all the drama and crap that my mind thinks.

This was me yesterday and I'm in my 30's. I was aware I'm doing something wrong but couldn't pin point what. Today I try to be less ego-driven and focus on fixing what's lacking in my life instead of trying to compensate by "helping" others. I still have the "I'm right" mentality at times, but am smartish enough to keep my mouth shut now. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Victim mentality works until it doesn't.

Reminds me of a quote I heard once “unasked for advice is criticism “

Jocko’s mocking voice is exactly how I expected Jocko to sound normally when I first saw a picture of him

When others don’t listen, it means stop talking and start acting. I used to give out all the fitness advice I learned from college and it felt like no one ever listened. Little did I know, I wasn’t even listening to myself. Eventually I stopped sharing, and focused only on implementing. I got in great shape, didn’t share anything I did because no one asked. Kept working hard, kept getting great results. Eventually I started to get asked what I was doing. Then I would share. Then they didn’t listen. But it didn’t matter, I just kept putting in the work. Let the universe do it’s thing and teach them the lesson that only life can teach. When they want help with the answers, they’ll eventually come. But keep putting in the work yourself, despite what others think, say, or listen to

That was the podcast that made me stop on the side of the road and think a lot. I started this video because i had the same problem as the guy who wrote the email. It is the opposite of what I have expected lol. I felt kicked down in the mud mentally but from a guy like him it was an honour and truly helped a lot. And also got a lot of empathy and good advice. That was more than a year ago, and now everything goes way better than before. Thank you, wish you all the best 👍

“Marcus Aurelius he’s a good reference point” 😂🤣

1. "Insist you be heard not obeyed" - Gen James Mattis 2. Be the advise you want to give. If they don't want to follow it, their loss. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink

Jocko waving a knife in my face: “how many times have I said I know I’m right?” Me: “... never” 👀

Being nowhere near as bad as this guy but hearing the extreme version of this, I think there were some things in this clip I needed to hear. I can definitely be that guy who’s a bit too ready to give his advice or solve a problem when stepping back and having intentions to help rather than fix is the best way to go.

I will forever refer to my kitchen as “the refrigerator room.”

This past winter I coached my old High school swimming team, as a 20 y/o you don't get much respect from them. The route i chose for coaching was to show them I was capable of coaching by swimming with them, and asking them if they wanted my advice before giving it. By getting them to verbally accept my help, they would listen intently and improve. After a while they learned that What I was showing them was helping them improve, so they learned to respect me as a coach and the information they were getting from me. I found you cant demand respect without showing you're capable of leading and participating in what you expect from your peers.

Wow, what's crazy is that I told my wife about this and she said that I do alot of the same things. Not to the extreme of this guy but similar. Thanks Jacko I didn't realize it.

This one hurts on so many levels. I gotta work on myself.

people don't want to be told what to do, they want people to listen to them complain. they don't want their problems fixed, they just want to be heard. The skill is allowing people to come to their own decisions - that's what a good counselor does

Jocko: "There's some things I'm pretty knowledgeable about" *weaves a knife in front of him* Echo: "Yeah yeah"

I felt myself feeling like that at one point in time, my best guess would be in high school, but it definitely boiled down to me wanting to be right more than wanting to help somebody else because of feeling ignored as a kid. It was a tough thing to grow out of, because I really had no clue that I was doing it and I genuinely thought that I was being helpful, but anytime your help turns into an argument or telling someone they’re wrong on an opinionated matter, especially one that is pertaining to their own life and not yours, chances are you weren’t being too helpful in the first place.

For every Jocko in the world, there is an Echo who understands Jocko’s inner self. Shout out to Jocko/Echo, stay strong brothers.

If you don’t listen, I don’t listen. This guy needs to lead himself and forget about these other people.

"BE" the advice. Sometimes, the best advice is action....it gets you further where words cannot take you.

I appreciated this talk a lot. Made me realize that it doesnt matter how hard I try to follow the leadership principles Jocko preach if I dont have a genuine confidence to work from. And seeing how I can relate to the way this guy thinks, must mean I share in his insecurities aswell. Ill work on my confidence. Thank you Jocko and Echo.

Knowing something like this can be turned around is awesome.

"What you're saying is right, but what you're doing is wrong" Actually the most insightful sentence in this discussion. Before "correcting" or lecturing someone, ask yourself if there's any meaning to it for the situation, and more importantly does anyone actually care.

Questioner: "I give excellent advice, nobody listens. What do you think?" Jocko: "Oh - here comes little Darren. Humble yourself. Stop trying so hard. Jiu Jitsu. Gain some self confidence." Jordan Peterson: "Don't cast pearls before swine. ...well you know it depends how you define pearls... and you know maybe you're not all you could be! Maybe you missed the mark, buck-o!"

I really feel for the person who asked the question. Ignoring advice based on who gives it is just how some people are. It's impossible to help some people, so let them suffer for their attitude. The best option is to live a good life so they can either see that you're walking the walk and start listening, or keep suffering.

I was already like damn, listening to how this guy is sounding in the letter, but when I heard he wrote the word "people " in quotes......that took the cake

Person: "I don't bake as well as my grandma..." Jocko: you wanna bake as good as your grandma? Go train Jiu Jitsu..." 😂I couldn't help it. Truly, I am a big fan @jockowillink and my kids have your book. My son is special needs and he would love to meet you one day.

"Love me or hate me, both are in my favor. For if you hate me, I will always be in your head. If you love me, I will always be in your heart." -William Shakespeare

This was a great discussion. I couldn't help but think that this is literally every parent experience when you have Toddlers! Lol

I’ve been this person, in my first real management position in my mid twenties. A few lessons I learned: to be persuasive, you need to treat others the way they want to be treated, not the way you want to be treated. If you speak to people the way you want to be spoken to, you may find no one is listening. No such thing as “obvious logic”.

(1) I've been in the position where nobody has listened. (2) I've offered logic reason and evidence. (3) Sometimes you have to accept you are the lowest in the food chain. (4) Sometimes you have to accept "No body likes you" (5) Learn that sometimes people only want to hear an echo (6) Learn even if your 100% right...S.T.F.U (7) Let them fail. (8) Let them fail. (9) Let them fail. (10) some people sincerely do not want advice (11) Some people just want to complain. (12) Spend your energy building your self (13) I wasted many years on people who did not listen (14) Save your self first before you save the planet. (15) Maybe you are not wrong (16) Maybe you have to find a new group of friends (17) Maybe its family you where talking about... (18) Build a new family! (19) Giving advice takes energy (20) life is short spend your energy on yourself.

"Everyone is stupid except me."

This sounds like a personal internal issue when you are really worried that people won't take your advice. The person is seeking something from others instead if being the source of something.

Jocko and Echo just nailed. It takes a long time and a great deal of courage and effort to break this behavioural loop of insecurity, ego and overthinking. What helps the most is: 1) Acknowledging that you are full of sh** as much as everybody else or even more. 2) Taking full ownership. 3) Shut the f*** up. 4) Surround yourself with wiser people than yourself. 5) Never take people out of their ignorance if they do not ask you to do so. 6) Work out, Meditate, Read. 7) Learn how to say NO regardless of the consequences. 8) Find hobbies that you truly enjoy and practice them as much as you can. 9) Watch stand-up comedy. 10) Leave your job if it is making you miserable.

A woman goes to the doctor in great distress. She says, "Doctor, every bone in my body is broken! See, it hurts when I touch any part of my body!" The doctor says, "Ma'am, I believe your index finger is broken"

"Literally solving people's problems..." Check out the ego on this guy.

Let people come with their own plan for their problems. They will be much more motivated to put it in practice, and also adjust it as the problem unfolds if it doesn't fit their needs. They will take more responsibility and will be more happy to do it than if you force a plan of your own down their throats.

I was going through some drama with a coworker once and they say us down with a counselor to talk things out. She mentioned to me: weather or not someone is actually talking badly about you, it's exhausting to be on defense mode at all times and it can cause you to be an issue to others due to built up animosity and frustration toward that person which makes you bitter long-term to people that don't really deserve it. Thats detrimental to your job or whatever you could be doing. I'm still working on that, it's hard when you feel disrespected in the moment.

Wow. I'm sitting here listing to this and realizing, I often have this same outlook that no one is listening, lol. Thank you for this perspective Jocko. I didn't realize how arrogant I was being. I guess it's easier to see my own mistakes pointed out in someone else.

The single biggest piece of advice I can give the anybody everything so personally. The vast majority of the time somebody behaves in a way towards you that you consider disrespectful or defensive in some way, they are not specifically targeting you or intending explicitly to hurt you, most commonly they are wrapped up in their own shit.

Silence speaks volumes...let them ask you or say nothing.

Respect is earned not demanded

People don't always want their problems solved, or know the solution but lack the strength to carry it through.

The way I see it, care for yourself, don't find validation from others and if you have valuable information of any sorts, do NOT give it away, make them EARN it or they will never value it.

A best friend is someone: *Trustworthy. * Cares about you. * Understands & Gets you. * Helps you. * Explains why you'll benefit from what they're saying to do. * They would physically defend you if they were with you & someone was trying to physically attack you & you were unable to defend yourself. * They are Respectful, Honest Genuine, Truthful. * Honorable. * Humble. * Explains What To Do How To Do.& Take Action. * Is A Special, Positive 😇 Blessing In.Your Life. > Is Loving,.Loyal, 😎. * You ARE Safe With Them. * You're Secure With Them. * They Enhance & Improve You and Your Life. * They Don't Unfairly or Wrongly Misjudge You. * They're FUN to be around.

The "what does that sound like" impression is just golden.

"What you are saying is right, what you are doing is wrong"....It took me a long time to learn that.

Frustrated person:"Im rite every one else is wrong!" Jocko: "At the very least your approach is wrong." So good! I have been the frustrated person often, this will help.

I had a somewhat similar situation after I moved from Ft Drum to Fort Lee. I went from a combat arms unit to a quartermaster unit as a specialist with a variety of experience and knowledge on how to get things done. I don't know what I've done wrong, but, they always refused my advice only because "it's always how it's done there" or "they don't want to hear when I refer my experience in my past unit". I ended up losing my confidence in the unit because they never treated anyone as family. I also found they only wanted me for my good work ethic.

I used to have multiple people in my life who would make these exact complaints. I can appreciate the commentary here, because each of them was a stagnant person with no job, no prospects, no ambition and did not live off their own means. One of them literally said to me once “No one listens to me!” And it was physically impossible to get it through to them that no one wants to or should listen to someone like that.

Taking the time to listen and being open minded allows you to be objective and as a result grow and learn. Ironically enough, this is precisely what leads a person to being ignored by those who know less. There is nothing wrong with realizing you know more and understand more deeply than others. The problem lies in trying to point this out to others and trying to convince them of what they are not capable or uninterested to know. Never give anyone advice without being asked for it specifically. It is like, as someone once said to me, giving cheese to a thirsty man in the desert.

I've both been that guy and met that guy. Humbled plenty of times before I learned that it is not my job to dispense advice but to take my own and live it so I can be a model of that advice. When we hit that point, people seek us out for advice and we are given the opportunity to share and impart wised and experience and allow them to identify the advice in that conversation.

"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity." - Hanlon's Razor In most cases, people aren't out to get you. Think ignorance before malicious intent. Something that is hard to practice, but will have life long benefits.

It can be either way, ita all so delicate, dont judge others and you wont be judged.

You and Jordan Peterson helped me talking action on improving my life in a effective manner. The war path changed me. Thank you

Looking at my own behavior and speech over the last few months... I need to humble myself and shut my mouth (stop complaining). I needed this. Thank you "CRAZY PERSON" and thank you Jocko.

My advice comes from the heart When I know it's going to turn out bad because I've done it. As I get older I learn knowledge is not for everyone. Some people have to learn on their own. As I did. I didn't listen at one time either.

OMG! I love this video. I was laughing most of the time because I could see myself in the scenarios they were talking about. I could have given Jocko endless examples of what not to do. I was that person who was unknowingly the proverbial bull in the china shop. I burnt so many bridges until I began to delve into the psychology of people (and myself). I have matured, albeit painfully slowly, and I have gained much insight from my mistakes. As I was growing up, my mother use to always tell me that "I was an acquired taste". This video offers such wonderful advice. [two thumbs up]

Dude, this was super informative/eye opening. Take the indirect approach, “join their team”, “play the game”. LEGIT....

I used to have this issue. I constantly saw solutions for peoples' issues and passionately wanted to show them better ways. No, not show. Tell them. Once i recognized my issues, i began changing. One, people arent following me because i have nothing worth following. I havent made any great accomplishments or success and most of the people i try to "advise" are at the same level as me. Nobody wants to follow an armchair general. Also, i began to question myself. Theyre not my family. Theyre not my blood. Why was i Putting so much energy and stress into trying to improve the lives of other people instead of focusing on myself. If i sit there helping everybody out, even if they listen, I'm going to get left behind; im neglecting my own growth. They need to figure out their own lives and i need to fight for my own future and that of my family. I believe that often times people like this aren't taking their own advise that they constantly give to others.

Im glad i came across this. I got to learn new vocabulary! Me and my father butt heads constantly on very personal levels, and it's become an obsession of mine to 'solve', as being a perpetrator myself breaks my heart every single time without fail. My family can unanimously decide he's the "my way or the highway" kinda guy, and doesn't like to discuss his reasoning very often... and thats not to disparage his keen leadership, logic, and irrefutable charisma. Just extremely stubborn. A new way for me to take lead in this situation is by building MY confidence in HIM, and figuring out how i can get him to be more confident in my reasoning and decision making (a passive process, requiring a truly challenging amount of patience and faith). And for that to happen, i need to un-f*ck my resentful attitude toward him first... I love my father more than he'll ever understand. My biggest fear is being pushed to the point of weening him from my life entirely, as my one other sibling has... we're all born with the right to the pursuit of happiness, and want to see my family happy. Thank you for ripping in to this individual, as it applies to myself in many, many ways across multiple contexts. Pertaining to my father, I've known for a little bit now how insecure i am. In my insecurity, I've discovered a blindspot, home to a fear-powered lack of confidence. I'm grateful for the ability and opportunity to work on this!

"It took me A YEAR to figure out how to word this" "There is nothing wrong with my tonality" 🤣🤣😭😭

Jocko is so on point about overcompensating for insecurities I was exactly like this emailer til very recently

Ha. I had this issue when I was younger. “It was everyone else’s fault and nothing I could improve.” Not until, I started to get so frustrated that “they” weren’t getting it, I started to consider maybe it was the way I communicated the content. I accepted the challenge and decided to level up the ways I communicate because I can control that. Effective communication seems to be rather challenging for most because it makes us realize how effective communication has nothing to do with you. Cheers to the people working on the communication skills!

It's fine to give people useful information and advice as long as you do not expect them to accept it

Could not even tell you how well this relates to me recently. Thank you Jocko

I was actually like that in my teenage years and early twenties. That was when university showed me how I wasn't going to just luck through my exams anymore. I was fairly introverted and I overthink everything in my head. There's a lot of stress over what happens after uni. I overcompensate for my insecurities and struggles by acting like I knew it all. I was neurotic and had a fairly bad temper. I probably sounded very much like this back then. Imagine: everyone is out to get you with hidden meanings between every line. You see the disrespect everywhere. So you need to have revenge; you make a mockery of people with "cleverly hidden" strawman arguments, and you enjoy your monologues and "spiritual victory". Everything you say is passive aggressive and you need to have the last word. Your mentality suffers, your work suffers but you don't allow anyone to tell you the obvious; you "knew all along" (hindsight bias) and if it can't be their fault, it must be because you deliberately didn't put in any effort anyway, and you made sure everyone knew this. It's utterly embarrassing to behave like this, to be honest. Things happen, time flies and in the adult work life, I realise there's just so much more I can get just by being honest about myself, taking responsibility and in general just learning to be more real. If there's nothing to hide, we won't need to be roundabout and second guess everything. Just have to give more and learn to let go. I get rewarded when I remain committed and have the discipline to maintain my work ethic; be consistent. It's an ongoing struggle, but there's nothing bad about that.

simple - "the more I know, the more I realise I don't know" - Aristotle. Be humble and read the room

People will follow you if they want to. No words are needed really.

This is amazing. These words are as if I said them myself. As a single parent raising three kids, this hit ground zero, at the same time your kids see people responding to you this way when your kids don’t understand because they’re noticing action loader than words. “Your perception of me is not my reality” is what you have to tell your self over and over and over, every time. Because that is the REALITY.

I stopped giving advice to friends or co-workers who won't listen to advices. I just do what I have to do and mind my own business. I prove I'm right through action by doing what I advice others to do. An other thing is I learned to identify and differentiate people who just want to complain and people who sincerely search for a solution. Of course, all of this has to be done after you have checked that you are not the source of the problem. If you have a problem with 1 person then there might something wrong with that person. If you have a problem with 2 person then there might something wrong with these two persons. If you have a problem with everybody then there is a high chance you are the problem.

the person that submitted the question, you can tell by the wording and the spirit of what they wrote, that they also have issues and are very insecure

I actually clicked on another video, got in the shower and realized that I must have hit a button because it started playing this.. I got out of the shower went back to my phone on the charger. I saw this title and thought you know what; maybe I should listen.. I don't have a lof this anymore because I've learned over the years but I still am really glad I heard this. Even if he didn't I did. "What you're saying is right but what you're doing is wrong". Damn that hit hard. #Jackophilosophy

3:56... This is why I love you, always putting #truthToPOWER!

Oddly enough I recognize myself by that person's attitude. I sadly have a tendancy to act that way. And I must say that Jocko just opened my eyes wide on most of my problems. It all start with my confidence in myself. And I cruelly lack confidence. Thank you Jocko for opening my eyes and giving me a way to solve this issue.

When he grabs the mic while he mimics some flawed character in a funny way, it's like the mic wants to hide and Jocko makes it listen to him anyways :))

I like how Jocko casually waves around a pocket knife to make gestures and guide his reading, true warrior

I love this guy he pulls no fuckin punches no matter what.

I was instructed at an early age that you must always assume that no one wants to hear anything that you have to say. If you approach every conversation with this mindset, you will put appropriate effort into making what you say as poignant, brief, & artful as you know how. This will in turn increase the effectiveness of what you want to say to people. Not saying I have ever got good at it, but still it seems to help.

I recognise so much of this from both perspectives. I stopped giving advice about 20 years ago, because I learned that people will do what they want regardless. However I'm still weening my way out of interjecting with "facts and logic" as quite often it's the only input I feel I can have in most conversations. I've never been as insecure as the guy who wrote the letter, but there are certainly elements I can relate to.

Been on a self improvement and growth journey. I’m this guy and I have not been more mortified

I love the way he's just talking with his hands and he's just holding a knife