Is Your Past Ruining Your Future? (Watch This)

Рет қаралды 26,219

Жыл бұрын

On today’s show, we talk with:
- A man dealing with past trauma who’s at risk of losing his marriage.
- A woman plagued with mom-guilt.
- A son trying to understand why his relationship with his mom feels impossible.
Send John your questions. Leave a voicemail at 844-693-3291 or email www.johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
Learn how to change your thoughts, change your behaviors, and change your life. Subscribe to the Dr. John Delony’s show!
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The Dr. John Delony Show is a caller-driven show that offers real people a chance to be heard as they struggle with relationship issues and mental health challenges. John will give you practical advice on how to connect with people, how to take the next right step when you feel paralyzed, and how to cut through the depression and anxiety that can feel so overwhelming. You are not alone in this battle. You are worth being well-and it starts by focusing on what you can control. Let us know what’s going on by leaving a voicemail at 844.693.3291 or visiting johndelony.com/show. We want to talk to YOU!
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Пікірлер: 101

@rebekahwilson7703 6 ай бұрын

I worked in daycare for 10 years with most ages including babies. If there’s anyway possible, DO NOT put your baby in daycare. There’s 1 caregiver per 4 infants:that 1 caregiver CANNOT give your baby real attention. They wake up and get changed and fed. Then they have to go to the next baby. Oh and daycare rates are high for infants. That, and there is no social benefit until 3 years old, so honestly I say, “Stay home with your child until they’re at least 3.”.

@ittybittyspaces 4 ай бұрын

I agree. It’s the absolutely LAST choice a parent should make. Only when there are zero other options. It’s just not enough one on one, even the very best ones. Why did we buy this idea that infants, toddlers, young kids can just be mass raised, by strangers, without repercussion?

@persephoneszeliga 3 ай бұрын

Yeah, but even the Richies put th

@Sharon-st9st 3 ай бұрын

I worked in a highly respected daycare center for almost 20 years and I would never recommend daycare centers. Babies and young children deserve attentive love.

@99maclaren 8 күн бұрын

I worked in daycare for years, and this is absolutely true.

@99maclaren 8 күн бұрын

Come on, we're rooting for you, David.

@Raminakai Жыл бұрын

I really appreciate the amount of time you take with each caller. It feels respectful. Thank-you.

@kandacestallings9062 Жыл бұрын

Let it stick, Dr. John! This show is saving lives, so I would rank it at least in the top 3 BEST MENTAL HEALTH PODCASTS EVER!

@ccmcduck9669 8 ай бұрын

Stay home with your kids, you have years to have a career, your children only get one childhood. Giving your children the gift of attachment, it’s priceless 😊

@trish87563 5 ай бұрын

Staying home with your kids doesn't guarantee attachment. My mother stayed home with us, and I still ended up with anxious attachment--she was overly protective and anxious and kept us away from real friendships, and I've struggled very much throughout my life because of that.

@apriltownsend8463 4 күн бұрын

Easy to do when you have the finances to do it. Plus that leaves picking which parent goes to work and who misses out.

@moonmagick8182 Жыл бұрын

I honestly wouldn’t be the same without this show. Thank you a million times Dr. John!

@sarahvigue 29 күн бұрын

Aww so sweet! Blessings to you. You matter more than you know! Jesus loves YOU!

@lilolmecj 2 ай бұрын

Caller number one. Clearly this person doesn’t understand you can scream at someone without ever raising your voice. It is the energy and inflection behind your words. Emotional intimacy starts with trusting someone to not hurt you, not use things said in a moment of intimacy as a weapon against them later. So maybe just start by saying “I’m sorry that I scare you or hurt your feelings with how I react to normal daily frustrations, I want to be less reactive.” See how that goes.

@pejisan 2 ай бұрын

The fabulous kindergarten teacher that taught both my kids (plus 30 years experience) told me that she can tell the first week which kids spent early years in daycare. The first week!!! They are so needy and emotionally stunted. So take the time families if at all possible. Better yet make a plan , save some money, BEFORE having kids.

@dannelle17 2 ай бұрын

Not fair. My mom HAD to put us in daycare because my dad had too much cocaine to do. Don’t shame mothers for doing the best for their situation, please. Daycare isn’t The Club.

@pejisan 2 ай бұрын

Dr. John, you have a mouthpiece - please use it to push for giving Moms flexible part time work for a couple of years - it is the holy grail for Mom. Time with babies and mental stimulation.

@sawyersprott Жыл бұрын

This show is awesome. I’m so glad we have this as a resource for our lives.

@kitkat9655 8 күн бұрын

John said something profound to me. "Just because it hurts doesn't mean it's wrong"

@dutchgirldreams4726 3 ай бұрын

Dr. John knocked it out of the park on this one - especially the first caller!

@sackettfamily4685 Жыл бұрын

Full stop: if a person sexually assaults, it's on them. Not a victim....they had a choice.

@sawyersprott Жыл бұрын

100%

@cmwentz3553 11 күн бұрын

This sounds like classic he was molested

@1463FJ 6 күн бұрын

Tell that to the judges. The one on my case let it be told that I was “complicit” because I stayed.

@sackettfamily4685 6 күн бұрын

@@1463FJ I'm sorry you had a bad judge, but they're human too. That means sometimes justice is done and others injustice. Jesus is coming back soon, are you ready for him? He will judge all perfectly and we all need forgiveness for our own sins. He loves very much and with that comes perfect and uncorrupted justice for all. Hell or repentance and belief in Jesus as God dying for you. I was awakened by my child crying and I think Jesus wanted me to respond to you. I pray that you would find peace and joy. Jesus promised to be found of anyone seeking him with his whole heart.

@madisonandthespirits 3 ай бұрын

I had to do both, I had my girl in daycare and stayed home. Staying at home was really hard on my mental health, if I could have done part time work, that would have been best.

@pejisan 2 ай бұрын

I want to cry for David.

@mozartrn1 Ай бұрын

To Nicole - I realize your call was a while ago, but I hope you will see this. I had your dilemma, lived in Peyton. Worked at Memorial Hospital part-time in a now obsolete profession. After the kids were college age, pursued a BSN and a massage therapist certification after they were out of the house. Have no regrets looking back and did the pt work for 18 years. Yes, not much $$ to spend but life after children presents opportunities as we grow as people ourselves. Hoping you are at peace with you and your husband's decision.

@tessaoshea5697 Ай бұрын

If you can help it, don't take your kids to daycare, don't take your parents to retirement homes.

@pejisan 2 ай бұрын

Mom, listen to your heart. You can have it all, just NOT all at once. Unless you have to, why would you drop a 7-week old anywhere? Maybe a 2 year old. Our society should support a parent at home. I don't get it, I took one look various daycares, went home, worked out a budget to stay home.

@kellibuzzard9431 Ай бұрын

Wr need a culture of stay at home moms! ❤

@joeystewart4487 9 күн бұрын

David you sound like a good dude. Dont give up. Sounds like when things get too close to the nerve center you get frustrated and throw up your hands. Hang in there brother.

@lesliemontagne6797 Жыл бұрын

“I don’t know if David can do it”. David, we hear you and the pain you’re in. But “you got value” like Dr. D says. You can reset. Please seek out a TRAUMA THERAPIST. I did and I saved my life. I’m becoming a different person.

@mariee.5912 Жыл бұрын

Nicole, you're a great person I can feel it. Whatever you decide your children will be ok.

@analozada9475 5 ай бұрын

Being a responsible human and parent is to plan accordingly. If one parent can’t stay at home for the first year at least due to not being able to have it off or working remotely, then they shouldn’t have kids, period! Day cares tend to be understaffed or have subpar care, therefore babies don’t get much attention since they’re nonverbal and don’t move around much as toddler would. Ladies and gents…plan well before having a baby, cuz the child is the one who will suffer the consequences of your poor planning and parenting. Also, I find interesting when people say “but we have no options.” Yes you do have options. If you can’t work from home or be a stay home parent for one year or two, then you have the option to not have children, and you’ll save yourself and the baby a ton of problems.

@dachater1 7 ай бұрын

Dr John handled this incredibly!!!

@gsmarkham 16 күн бұрын

I don't have anger in my voice....wow.

@kathigratton2286 7 ай бұрын

It’s funny not funny this is me and I’m a woman Been told all the time that I do not show emotion As exactly right, we grew up with suck it up. If you wanna cry, go in your room and shut your door when you’re done you can come back out. Find out loud to broke my collarbone. It took four days to go to the hospital. No one believed me suck it up.

@brendaleepierson2112 Жыл бұрын

cant wait to get my book , think it will be hear tomorrow, thanks brenda

@paultemple5042 Жыл бұрын

I have never let my past determine what I do with my life or Control my life. I have learned from the past but I don't ' Live ' there.

@JennieC21 2 ай бұрын

Unfortunately it took me having a mental break at age 40 to realise I SHOULD NOT/CANNOT let my childhood and the rubbish family I had rule my life! I have always been somewhere between stumbling through and trying to deal with my trauma, failing miserably and living a ‘normal’ life and striving to be a great mum, wife and human. Kind of like being in water: Pre-breakdown I was drowning, grasping onto anything to hold on to and gasping for air, all the while screaming “it’s your fault I’m in here” to my parents and my abuser!! Now I have a swim aid, I’m floating and not going under anymore, and I’m trying to find the resources to work out how I can get out of the water because I’m getting wrinkly and shrivelled and I need to get to dry land and reach my husband who tried to save me, couldn’t and sat on the edge with his hand out! Dr John and this podcast have given me some materials and Powerade to build my ladder 😂

@diannalove4457 6 ай бұрын

Great Job Dr Delony. You are changing lives.

@bestillandknow46101 Жыл бұрын

This was a awesome call😢 Great work

@pejisan 2 ай бұрын

John!!!!!!! There is a massive difference between dropping off a 7- week at daycare versus at 6-month old versus a two year old. You keep calling about what Mom wants as though that trumps what baby needs.

@kellibuzzard9431 Ай бұрын

No matter how much we want to justify working moms and daycare kids, the truth is, it's always best for moms to stay home w infants and toddlers. Radical feminists have poisoned our minds against obvious truths.

@JennieC21 2 ай бұрын

I now trust my body and its reaction for the sake of my mental health and wellbeing. Option 1 didn’t work, I choose option 2 now. I removed those cinder blocks from my backpack and set them down. It wasn’t easy but I had to 😔

@WillowT442 Жыл бұрын

I wish my ex husband would have had your mindset. He let his mom have to much voice and choice in our marriage and decisions. He did not back me up with my boundaries I would set up with his mom and let me know that my boundaries are inappropriate, selfish and mean. My ex husband also did not let me have a voice or valued in my opinions. He blew up our marriage and family by having an affair and left me for her. He was/is a jerk. I never had an emotional connection with him. I was just a pain to him and a burden and he let me know it.

@thebestthingthatneverhappe6729 Жыл бұрын

Sorry you had to carry that brick for so long. I hope you are able to work through your grief in a healthy way

@mommasheshe 7 ай бұрын

Im so sorry you had to go through that. That is literally my same story, but mine also got the affair partner pregnant:/

@WillowT442 7 ай бұрын

@@thebestthingthatneverhappe6729 thank you. It is a work in progress. I promised myself that I will remain dignified and will now honor my worth.

@brendondowdy5651 3 ай бұрын

If you can afford it morally you should stay home with the kids. It's the point of being a mom..

@nathaliebasile6168 6 ай бұрын

David … it sounds like you are realizing how unfair life can be. Hence the anger. I can be wrong. As dr John is saying you are so worth fighting for your happiness… nothing more worthwhile fighting for …

@hansonallie Жыл бұрын

I’d vote (yes, I know I don’t get one!😂) work part time - split the difference.

@Leos131 Сағат бұрын

Its toxic. Being in thr infantry was dream job. Its turned out toxic af. Herrassed daily for being an akward guy. I passed all my pt tests and never dogded a deployment. Never got passed E4; I deoplyed like 3 times including Afghanistan.

@mermaid06 12 күн бұрын

Caller David sounds very depressed and worn out. He has lost his way Counselling, finding himself and a new lease on his life. I hope he can gain back his hope and life. Be good to know how he is today and if John heard back from him.

@jpali24 Жыл бұрын

I have to ask. Someone please give me a serious answer. Does everyone have a therapist these days? I know we are all messed up but whatever happened to talking to a friend or a pastor? Or just not caring what others think and doing what you think is best for you and your family

@thebestthingthatneverhappe6729 Жыл бұрын

I dont personally have one although given some childhood events im sure it would be interesting to experience. I choose to seek out information, learn, and adjust my mindset, behaviors and habits to feel I have a life that I love

@kitkat9655 8 күн бұрын

Because of what I grew up in, therapy saved my life.

@lightnessprevails5070 Ай бұрын

Is there follow ups to any of these videos? Do people call back at all? How do I find them?

@emmarose6590 Жыл бұрын

It suck’s because men get the family and career. They get to be the fun involved dad that also has a life and goals outside of children.

@TheEsperKing1 Жыл бұрын

Why is that? Can't women have that too?

@millymo5420 Жыл бұрын

@@TheEsperKing1 the carrying of the child, emotional attachment to the child and role in the family work differently for women than men. Masculine and feminine energy are different and are required in various ways by children.

@debbielockhart7762 6 ай бұрын

In which century? Women can do all that too.

@RedHairDontCare1 Ай бұрын

There is no "good time" to send a baby to daycare.

@rosamoreno4794 Жыл бұрын

This guy is going to cringe once he hears himself 😮

@thebestthingthatneverhappe6729 Жыл бұрын

the first guy?

@prettyfeet22 Жыл бұрын

@jrbullock 3 ай бұрын

I cant stand equity when it comes to fairness. Equality of opportunity is the answer not equity in outcome.

@treeroofgrass Жыл бұрын

@16:25 how can I best love you today…. That one hit me 👍

@thebestthingthatneverhappe6729 Жыл бұрын

I already used it on my girlfriend when I got home lol

@threepets3 Жыл бұрын

It would have been interesting hear mom's side of the story on that last call. It felt like there was a lot of jumping to conclusions, and I really didn't hear the son describe anything horrible his mother did except not visit them as often as he'd like. Seems like he's doing a lot of comparison with his in-laws. There were a lot of missed opportunities to ask about mom's financial/work situation and ability to travel and whether the son had ever talked to his mom about how he felt. Telling him to write off visiting her seemed like a bit much. Speaking as the child who moved quite a distance from my family, I've always considered it my primary responsibility to go visit them. I mean, I am the one who chose to move after all. If they come our way and visit, I consider that a bonus. And families that mostly/only get together on holidays aren't that unusual either. I don't know, it just felt like a lot of info must have been left out here.

@tinaskidmore1580 5 ай бұрын

Agree!! She’s 70! Give her a break!

@apriltownsend8463 4 күн бұрын

What scholarship??

@timbrown9541 Жыл бұрын

Can we over analyze things? isn't it all about awareness and change,and acceptance of what is ,what was, and letting it go and moving on?

@blueseptember2174 9 ай бұрын

When over analysis becomes paralysis then yes its too much 😅

@vee11415 6 ай бұрын

David feels so unheard i think, he cant articulate his pain :(

@debbielockhart7762 6 ай бұрын

I still don't get what the 3rd caller's mom has done that is so bad that he wants to.cut her from his life. Doesn't make sense to me.

@katherinealba6768 Ай бұрын

Emotional neglect - that's what. She checked out emotionally.

@heidimartin859 2 ай бұрын

Have you invited your mother to events so she knows she's welcome?

@diggernash1 6 ай бұрын

This is exactly how John should talk to every whiny woman that calls the show.

@singlemomlife2261 8 ай бұрын

I first called needs to stop playing the victim

@antispectral5018 10 ай бұрын

This caller sounds like his entire life is one big chore. He needs to take his wife on a 2-week vacation and just let go and give himself and her some space to reconnect and laugh. You can’t get through hard times without joy.

@kitkat9655 8 күн бұрын

The issue with him is, he doesn't know how to connect. It was shown to him as a child.

@evajoyce1989 Жыл бұрын

I'm prefacing this with I love Ramsey Solutions. Paraphrased from I think George Carlin...Those who do not 'vote' (i.e. While I appreciate my right that has not always been a right, especially as a minority, I question the ability with the machines' ability to be easily hacked.) have more of a right to say something about leadership, since we did not vote them into office and are not participating in a system that falls short.

@nancyrowe3964 Ай бұрын

David doesn’t like David because he is a jerk! He doesn’t want to see it or change.

@ccmcduck9669 8 ай бұрын

If you’re bored at home with your children you have attachment issues. Not to mention most people are bored at work.

@FaithAndRepentance 3 ай бұрын

#1 Bible #2 Jordan Peterson #3 Dr.John ❤❤❤❤❤

@jcstuart6978 Жыл бұрын

I learned from Myspace - only add ppl you want to network with on social media - as for family and friends - keep those relationships in real life only - not online!

@blueseptember2174 10 ай бұрын

Yeah that's probably a good idea. I don't need to network so I don't need it but if I did I think you're right.

@michaelimmerman2553 Жыл бұрын

Why can't the husband stay home? With Ramsey it's like its never even an option. I love the show but the conservative religious undertones are obvious.

@katrinaisalwayscorrect Жыл бұрын

that's not a bad thing, it's refreshing to not have perversion shoved down our throats in at least one place.

@mariee.5912 Жыл бұрын

My husband stays home. However in this case the woman feels it's her responsibility s to stay home.

@millymo5420 Жыл бұрын

Men staying home see how that affects your kids in the long run & your relationships

@elsrubbishremoval6951 Жыл бұрын

@@katrinaisalwayscorrect agree!

@debbielockhart7762 6 ай бұрын

@@katrinaisalwayscorrectPerversion? Let me guess - you're homophobic and transphobic?