You're used to it so it feels safe. You're afraid that if you become happy you might lose it again, which is scary. If youre already sad you have nothing to lose, that's safer. I think you can find videos on this, on depression and fearing happiness or being more comfortable being depressed.

Not sure. My depression and anxiety is like living in hell and one usually just wants to escape the mental torment - hence the high suicide rate around these ills. With yourself it may be more that you are accepting a life situation that is second best but safe - lacking confidence in yourself to go for better and a happier life

Amodini Choudhary Isn't it because the bad feelings are familiar and therefor "safe" in a weird way? I was so unfamiliar with kindness, so it scared me to begin with. Always expected it to turn into a vicious joke on my behalf. I got used to it gradually, that people not necessary had to be mean, or out to "get" you. Oh, it was a long process, and I had help from occational therapy, though I didn't trust her at all (she's got paid to say nice things to me, duh!) but she planted seeds that would grow long after the sessions were over. End of novel! Have faith, and be kind to yourself. Things don't stays the same. We live, we learn, we grow. 🍒✨

TofuDream I’ve always been afraid to be happy too or get my hopes up... there’s so man6 layers to this..... I’m having major health problems because of the trauma

BUZ OSKARSON im definitely going to take mental health advice from an nazi. thank you so much

Destiny DiMattei yes that’s the fourth “F” called fawning as a survival strategy. Fight, Flight, or Freeze are the other three. I go to flight or freeze in my situation.

I did the same thing. Trying to avoid more trauma by being invisible or as little trouble as possible. I think the people pleasing for me was a desperate attempt for some kind of positive affection.

Destiny, I agree. They can also be somewhat socially withdrawn or fearful of social situations, yet they'll force themselves to appear socially well-adjusted and to give to others while they feel undeserving of any praise, success or love.

@@natthebratster Your identification of this response literally just changed y whole perspective of my trauma responses. THANK YOU!!

Henry S check out Peter Walker’s book Complex PTSD from surviving to thriving. It’s very eye opening and relatable. Life changing for me.

I do have anger issues and so much more from my trauma. My teachers were amazing they kept me going

Can lead to ocd and dissociation and perfectionism from what I'm learning. Sending good vibes! ❤

Jennifer Berry I’m glad you had some good teachers to help you along the way. I had a similar situation in which i was constantly bullied in school, and it also pushed me closer to my school work! Maybe it’s because we feel that’s something we can control? Especially in an environment that seems so uncontrollable.

I'm so glad you had school as a safe zone to escape hell...but so sorry that life at home was hell.

OMG THAT WAS MY LIFE like I have a Masters but I cant maintain a longterm healthy sexual relationship because of the neglect from parents, emotional abuse from my mother and abuse from kids at school

YES!!!💗

My life's motto as well!

Same 👍💕

I needed someone to show me what it looked like to love yourself🙏

And I have broken the cycle by overcoming my problems, changing my thoughts and behaviors, receiving an education and teaching my own kids. Half way to my psychologist's license, baby! No more transgenerational trauma is coming from me!

I'm breaking the cycle by kms.

Sameeee I refuse to pass this mess on.

I agree. I had a garbage childhood and chose not to have kids.

I am overcoming the pain by having my own kids and loving them, not spoiling but loving them and being emotionally there for them.

Awe I am so glad. xoxo You have to take care of you :) xoxo

@Lynn Honestly, I don't blame you. At the end of the day we need to do what's best for ourselves. I do hope you find a way to have a good time without your dad's family! Stay safe

I too decided it was best for me to not go home for the holiday. I know how I would feel after, so taking care of me had to be the priority! We deserve it!

Lingua...to solve your problem you have to "cut off" the codependency.. Listen to me..many say that to do so you have to move far from your toxic ppl..which is true IN PART..everything once again start from our brain. And here a sense of affection or even Faith if you want can help you. Okay..as codependent we know we lived for our toxics..and we still love them at your point of the SELF REALISATION OF THE EVENTS OF YOUR LIFE. It is fine cause..it is normal untill the Cut off havent been done. Do you want let's do it with me now? Go to that love you feel for them..your mommy..daddy..bro or sis..you are back like a child now...now from this perspective of love..think about THEIR CHILDHOOD ...you will see abusers somewhere around them too..stay in the feeling THEY SUFFERED in those situations...do you see how bad? You live them..you feel sad for them cause you know wt they went through and none helped them..no internet to clarify their own situations..reach out..nothing..they have been entrapped..into a cage of no feelings..no empathy..just to survive.. I know you feel their pain so awfull now..that i ask you TO PERDONE THEM..SEEING THEM TOO AS VICTIMS AS YOU HAVE BEEN TOO..But for them no chance to escape..so..would you..YOU arm againdt them any revenge..any hope they could understand you HAVING FELT HOW THEY WENT CUT IF FROM ANY SIGNIFICANCE IN LIFE JUST TO SURVIVE? leave the hope they will never change..cause since too long their Cut Off from fellings damaged them...THEY CANT ..love us at tbe way we need and would like..it is not that thay would not...they CANT.. PARDONE THEM SO.. YOU PARDONE THEM AND CUT OFF THE BOND OF CODEPENDENCY NOW CAUSE YOU KNOW ALSO HOWUCH THEY ARE TOXIC TO YOU..BUT THEY PAID IN ADVANCE THE BAD THEY UNWILLINGLY DID TO YOU..PARDINE THEM AND MOVE ON.. Stay in this..and after few days you will feel different..detached..ablecto carefully manage thd communucation with your toxics loved ones using time management..setting of inner boundaries and clear plain not aggresdive ASSERTIVE COMMUNICATION to stop any speach that you know already will and with hurting you. I am doing this with mines and I see the difference..now it is me to cut off if they insist and cause I did openly several time mjnes now even if resentful..stops the aggresdion as i stance firmely"You are going to say things that will depress me and cause i dont need thst..lets stop this topic" and cgange openly it.. You have still few days to digest your psychological cut off and self train in assertive sentences jn front of a mirror..go forge your armor..you can keep them only if you will wear it. Hope to have heloed, a huge hug!--&/@ and a virtual rose to you :)

This is the first year for me

My parents were extremely neglectful, my father was very emotionally abusive and my mom had stockhome syndrome. I never knew any of these growing up, I just thought people break a leg or dislocate their knee or jaw (all happened to me) and you just wait for it to heal. We weren’t allowed medical help. This has severely damaged my body as I’ve grown up. But it took me till 18ish to start realising all of this stuff was traumatic for me

Omg you said it best!!!! terrorized by yet dependent on them....wow.... this describes my experience with my parents 100%....people who have not been through this kind of abuse - mine was being raised by two pathological narcissists both with borderline tendencies - meant they were terrorists in the home but as their dependent, I was at their mercy for my survival and "well-being"... I'm only now admitting to what kind of monsters with a smile they really were...

If you dig deeper into society, the human race even, then you should come to the realization that everyone is abused; that abuse is the norm which continues, and that the consequence of the messed up human condition right now comes from child abuse. Child abuse still exists; humanity fails to end child abuse because it's abused and damaged. Humanity doesn't agree on what child abuse entails and that all so-called adults are guilty of not breaking the cycle. We're all immature and stupid, causing the same to new people, over and over again because we're too messed up to realize it, too messed up to get others to realize it, let alone stop it.

So very true for me as well!

So well said. Thank you for sharing.. my first abusers were my parents in the abuse was horrifying and now that I know I had ADHD

Molly Monk EXCELLENT TOPIC SUGGESTION! I am precisely the same-the effects of growing up in trauma have only shown themselves (in my personal opinion) as I grew older around 17 and onward. It seems to get worse as I age, and I am 28 now and it is horrible. Kati please pursue this topic in a video!!!

I'm 43 and it's only getting worse unfortunately

same shit , 26 even stuff that I would die for like art don't cut

I found myself in this very situation as I approached my 22nd birthday this past spring. The only actual thing that has helped was admitting I needed help and going to therapy with a really good and patient professional. It was especially important that she allowed me to slowly build trust and a sense of safety without ever forcing me to open up, so that I could begin autonomously getting glimpses at the essence of my trauma and dismantling the vicious bunch of defense mechanisms I'd entrenched myself behind. It took months of patience and hard work, but things eventually started to work out and fall into place. Therapy is hence essential, because childhood trauma victims NEED TO FEEL SAFE, and the therapeutic space and relationship are meant to provide that before everything else. That said, if you are or have already been in therapy but feel like it's not working, or getting worse, I'd begin wondering whether the approach used by your therapist is right for your case, and/or if your therapists doesn't have what it takes to consistently and safely help you. Long-term psychodynamic therapy works well for me (I don't take meds), but that of course can't apply to every trauma victim. Plus, it might require integration with CBT or other types of therapy (there are so many!) to keep some of the symptoms at bay. But, generally speaking, the explorative talk approach is great for slowly getting a hold of your past. Be safe and good luck!

Molly Monk absolutely correct

I’m glad you’ve been able to figure more stuff out.

@@alekpayne1043 I’ve recently started EMDR with my trauma psychologist and it is AMAZING! I’ve had some wonderful breakthroughs and so far we’ve only been doing the positive thoughts. It’s the first time I realized I may actually get well! ❤️

I just came across your comment, I grew up in the 70’s had a fucked up childhood, and traumatic home environment, I was sexually abused had a learning disability, no one wanted to talk about it, I had no therapy etc…Today I’m 53 I’m still pissed off been holding it in for years, and if it wasn’t for videos like this one I’d still be shutting down😒😒Im looking into therapy soon.

The 1970's wasn't a great period to be gifted at school, one had to play down the achievements and work slowly in class in order to fit in (even though it didn't work 😕 people figured out you were different still which resulted in bullying).

55 and just diagnosed with ADHD. My first grade teacher used to hit me across the back with a yardstick and call me stupid and dumb because I couldn't read. I was petrified of her. I cannot believe there were teachers like her. I would go home everyday and cry and tell my mother how abusive she was. I got her for 2nd grade and finally my mother went to school and demanded that I have another teacher. 55 years goodbye see posts about kids that were abused by this monster.

Me too, I belive I was the bad one, my sister so "perfect", my brother was more physically abused by mom firts but my dad put he feet down for him not for me. My mother find people who do abuse or didnt care and also make them say thing that valid her way. My aunt know but didnt know what to do and being realist in 90 all the end of story could be more bad.

I totally relate. I was very shy and a good child and teachers and neighbors loved me, but little did they know what I was dealing with the physical and mental abuse from my parents at home. I was the only child. My parents tried hard to tarnish my good reputation with those people by telling lies about me and teachers even came to me and ask me "what's going on in your house, your parents said you act out. " I couldn't even speak up and define myself, and so I would say nothing.

Physical abuse by Fathers is obvious and very well documented and recorded. But physical and emotional abuse by the human that brings you into the world ie your own mother gets a pass 90% of the time.

Me too man. I do wonder, I was a bully around 16. Teacher talked with me that fellow students complained about my bullying. I just said. Yeah I heard that from them, I am already stopping. End of conversation. I wonder if he would have asked me, why do you bully? Are you angry? With what? You think your parents would be okay with you bullying? I wonder if that would have opend anything in me and if it would have allowed help from outside too come in so that I didnt have too flee from my home and be institutionalized for a week 4 years later. And than I wonder, if I than would have gotten the right help instead of 8 years later just for me, how much of the relationship with my parents would be better/saved and how much better would it have been going for me right now. I think it would have helped me a lot too ask the right question back than too me since there was suspicion of abuse at my home but I was never asked directly. I really hope awareness raises in this. I think its of great importance.

Same here, It wasn't until I was old enough to go over to another school mate's house (age11 or12) did I realize my home life was extremely different and in a negative way. "you can't fix something unless you know how it is broken."

How were you able to change?

How were you able to move on ? I’ve been thinking and it’s not good and it would really make me feel like am not alone

Same here, I'm in therapy and trying so hard but it's so difficult...

Same. I never knew what love looked like so I had a hard time in relationships. I am so lucky to have finally found someone who truly loves me and I could not be more happy!

I’m happy to hear you are rising. I too am getting clarity on the past and able to put it behind me. It’s never too late.

I'm sorry you had this experience Jawschlarsen! Your experience of abuse/neglect is so valid. This is such a validating video! I love it.

I feel you completely since I experience the same. It might not turn violent but that constant defense hasnt left and its so tiring. When it does turn violent it only supports the unwanted defense mechanism. Hang in there.

Love to tou Brother. I can really relate.

Wow man ,I have been searching for years how to put this in words. Literally no one understands . I’m 24 now & I don’t understand why I can’t remember child hood stuff. I feel scared to stand up for myself most of the time even though I still do it . Moved out my moms recently but I remember being so stuck and scared in my room . Just to avoid anytype of convo bcus I knew it would trigger me.

p

Awe I am so glad. I hope the video is helpful!! xoxo

That rat studie is so interesting!

What happened, if you dont mind?

I can understand that completely. I have been in the same boat tbh. It might be that whole holiday timing.

@madelief ... don't give up, keep digging and accepting and evolve out of your bad place. Best, R

Yes it's just a maladaptive survival/emotional regulation technique. My bulimia (i am recovered) was largely caused by childhood abuse and uneducated parents who couldnt provide us with enough. All better now

bryantppierce Exactly, which is why taking away someone’s adaptive strategies (even if it’s something ultimately harmful like substance/alcohol abuse) without replacing it with something good FIRST is harmful and re-traumatizing.

bryantppierce ...drug and alcohol abuse are an attempt to help solve a problem through killing the pain. The question shouldn’t be why the substance problem,,,,,it should be ,,,,,what is truly causing the pain ? Fix the mental pain and the substance abuse problem goes away on it’s own.

Same childhood situation... I know what NOT to with my kids. I have 3. All are very chilled out , doing well in school and happy. They know they are loved and valued. People like us need to have kids so there are more of us in the world than the other type You are not your parent.

Same.

Sounds like we’re siblings

​@@jenster29what an absolute ridiculous reason for having kids

If it does not feel right. Don't do it. I am 55 and I do not regret One second for not having

I have eight out of 10. I too was shy and afraid of my own shadow. I feared adults because that is who abused me physically emotionally and sexually. Sorry this happened to you.

Yeah, I honestly don't see how people can say bullying is not traumatic. Bullying is where someone is trying to assert power over you in hurtful ways. Obviously that hurts, especially when you're young.

Hannah Lack It definitely has the potential to be traumatic, and I think people and professionals are catching on to that. To the point that some acknowledge it can even cause PTSD. If you’re regularly terrorized and/or marginalized by the people around you on a near daily basis, why WOULDN’T that produce some trauma? I haven’t finished reading it, but there’s this book called The Bully Society, which you might be interested in if you feel okay reading about that subject matter. Though understandably, it might prove too difficult to read depending on where you are in your recovery from your own trauma.

Bullying is 100% traumatic. Especially for people who haven’t grown up being encouraged or taught resilience. If you’re already sensitive or have self esteem issues, any bullying is traumatic.

It is trauma. Dont listen to any nd that says otherwise

I am 47 yrs old and I too was bullied from preschool through adulthood. Honestly, it’s an “ old belief “ that bullying is just part of growing up . I am with you, I too have emotional scars from bullying.... you’re not alone. The trauma is real .

Destiny Lee i can relate. Happy thanksgiving

same

Destiny Lee It's awful. Been there, done that.. I learned a real good way to deal with it. Be your own mum. Comfort yourself, give good healthy advises to yourself. How? Visualise that you have two chairs. First you "sit" on one chair. Then you formulate your dilemma/issue to a parent on the other chair. "Swap" chair. Now you are "parent"and you visualise your child told you this. What would you say if your child said these things to you? Would you be harsh to your child? Would you condemn your child? Would you give bad advise to ypur child? I don't claim it will work for you, but it did for me. I'm a far better mum to myself, than my mum ever were, that's for sure. Give it a go! 😏

Yeah, that's what happened to me.

Have you tried talking to a therapist?

We definitely need reform in the system - the options for kids are not great right now. Better than they used to be - but nowhere near ideal. Its really sad.

I agree the reality of digging further into childhood abuse thru emotional neglect requires reactive actions by an adult that will destabilize a child's life and unless a child growing into adulthood is wiling to attend to their own life they may expose an adult to feeling dis-empowered by rejecting their assistance. In some cases a child may fear for its capacity to be self reliant and resist shaming the portrait their parents paint as a legitimate household.

I think it's just about being the adult who is there for the child to get the nurturing they are willing to accept from you. They may just want to talk to someone and be validated or they might want a nice meal cooked for them or a cuddle. It's like they say in the video that people look for a surrogate. You can be that surrogate and do it with full awareness and as a collaboration between your self and the child/young person. It can and does make a big difference.

My abuser worked for Child and Family Services. If I called for help it would have rang the phone on her desk. Situations can be complex.

@Solveig St-Juste Have you been helped or is the situation still omgoing?

I'm so sorry you've had this experience Taylor. I think we fall into the trap that society sets up for invalidating our experiences when they aren't "violent." Right? If our parent hasn't hit us or starved us, then somehow our experiences of emotional neglect or abuse is invalid. I'm so glad that you are in therapy, because your experience is so valid and healing can occur. Have you read the book "Toxic Parents" By Susan Forward? It's a good book for understanding various types of abuse.

Taylor Barnett, I so relate to the feelings of resentment. I feel (and in many ways behave) like a child. I long for what I needed as a child. Mostly an acknowledgment and validation of my pain. For someone to come pick up and comfort the crying mess of a toddler puddle I was (and still am inside).

find videos online... Teal Swan, Marissa Peer - you are enough... find a way to "re parent" yourself.

The comment about Teal Swan. I agree. A lot of her stuff makes so much sense to me. Especially the one titled " the difference between a nice man and a kind man! Wow holy Tamoly. Everyone should watch it. I realize teal swan is pretty controversial however I take what I need and leave the rest!

Gasp! I can't believe I haven't thought about helping with Spanish subtitles! Not too sure about how that works, but I'd be happy to lend a helping hand if need be. Either way, thank you to those who help with the subtitles!

OMG Kati thank you for this video, it helps answer so much about what is wrong with me and where it originated. THANK YOU!!!

if you want someone to help with Arabic subtitles then I'm down! got a lot of free time on my hands

Do you still need help with translating videos to Spanish? I’d be happy to help.

Kati, with the holidays coming up, I've found that I keep having moments where I'll hear a certain Christmas song that takes me back to the Christmases before my parents divorce (some 20 years ago), and I just break down in tears. It's been catching me really off guard. Could you make a video about how the holidays may affect our mental health in a negative way and what we might be able to do to change that? I always dread this time of year, but I'd love to love the holidays again.

I feel the same way. My therapist says it's typical for trauma survivors to downplay what happened to us. It's a coping strategy. Because if we accept that what happened was traumatic, we have to deal with it. If you keep downplaying it, you don't have to take a closer look. Stay strong my friend. I hope you have all the support you need.

Actually I think it does not only have to be the denial that trauma causes (and it is not your fault, but I am afraid your responsibility to get out of it again), but to my personal experience (have a long thought, if this is also true for you, something might come up) it can also be caused by emotional abuse. The abuser will usually have some sort of guilt (it's not obvious to spot, don't judge yourself if you don't see it at first) building up, when they notice some bits of what they have done to someone and also when they are accused of it (which young children will still do often, but they learn...). Obviously this makes them uncomfortable and they don't want to deal with ut, not look at it, push it on the other person instead. So then they will devalidate the feelings of the abused or make them feel like they aren't feeling it 'correctly' or acting in a wrong way... I'll give you a personal example, to make it clearer (I know exactly how it feels): My mum severely emotionally abused me for my whole childhood (and also sorta sexual) and so she made me cry when I was little every then and so and I remember her reaction to that was something like: " Don't play drama. You little actress." (And then she would put a huge smile on which consumed me and forced me to smile.) And on and on she did it, I started to smile or shut down, when she was traumatizing me. And when I cried she shouted at me even more sometimes, so I was taught, that emotions are not okay. Unless they make others feel good. But it's not true, it is not. Emotiins aee their to help us. No matter which. And if you're struggling, that's alright. Life fucks people up, and you are just brave enough to admit it. Be proud of yourself! And have a thought about, whose voices have consolidated in your mind.

That's something I am still working on. It's because, as horrible as it was it was "normal" to us and we adapted.

THIS

@@furkins6748 Yes, I am 25 and I barely recently decided to refer to certain episodes of my childhood as abuse, though if anyone else ever told me that such things happened to them I would definitely refer to it as abuse. Part of me just thinks "well others have it so much worse", but it's had real effects on me in my life so I try to acknowledge it now.

Awe thanks :) I hope you are enjoying them!! xoxo

What a beautiful, and true, comment. :-)

I totally agree! I been going through hell at home and mentally i was such a wrack. But memorizing irrelevant information for school and passing tests, that was what kept me sane. I loved to just read books, any books but particularly scientific ones. I loved to memorize stuff and burry my head in homework as an excuse not to leave my room. I agree that its very misleading saying that if you re good in school, you re emotionally and/or physically doing well as well.

Completely agree, this was my experience, too.

This was also my experience and when I’d spoken up about it, the people I’d told thought I was overreacting and stretching the story because I was a good kid who stayed out of trouble (big people pleaser)

Same. Even in trauma I was aware that checking out/acting out was not going to help me. For some people self advocacy kicks in when family life is terrible. That doesn't mean we hurt less though. I had to learn to talk about my upbringing so that people wouldn't assume that I wasn't struggling.

yes! You become overadaptive. You can't even show your trauma symptoms because you know they're also not allowed... double sad. I've never been able to talk about any trauma for 28 years, because I literally didn't have the words, or ability to act out, which would have been more natural maybe. I was just killed off, emotionally. Completely passive, dead inside, constant anxiety insomnia depression ocd, but outwardly "perfect"

kzfaq.info/get/bejne/Z7VjjJyVyeCod2w.html Recent video on cptsd^ U can also search cptsd to find more of kati's videos on this!

Yes please!

yes, please!

Same here!

Yes please!

So mamy folks are dying because of the trauma that they have been experiencing etc.....Alack of self love is the root cause of all suffering in this universe!!!!

Elhadj Diallo self-love is the cause of abuse, there are too many victims of self-love. Love needs to be given an received, love for oneself is crooked and ugly. Find people who love you to love back. Many people try to love on themselves but it doesn’t work, it eventually fades.

@@kuzivaj.z great comment

I took parenting classes... and hubby teases my library card will get red flagged from the tons of books I read 😂🤣😂🤣 I have worked hard to break patterns

I think childhood abuse make us vulnerable to more abuse. Because we are "shaped" for it, we also make ourself more vulnerable by using old coping skills that give redflag to abusive people. That thing also about remaking trauma without knowing because our brain try to understand, find a way to make thing ok, try to repairing the past by finding a way all that is not that bad. Wish you some peaceful day.

I got an 8. My mother wasn't battered (in fact, she was physically abusive towards my father) and no one in my house was put in prison.

Christ

Mine was 9

I don't do doctors but have been told noone has ever made it anywhere near that far and lived

What’s the test ?

I am so sorry to hear that!!! May God bless you, what I would do is to recognize when that happens and when it does talk your way through it. Tell yourself don't be afraid, no one is going to hurt you. I do that when I have anxiety and panic attacls and it does calm me down

Melina McGuire YAY!!!! So proud you are getting help! ❤️❤️❤️

I can relate to your experience with your Grandmother. Mine passed when I was still a teenager. I could not attend her funeral because it was overseas. My Mother did not make a copy of her birth certificate.

This is true for me

This is true, PTSD can manifest in this way during childhood/teenage years, but it falls under the 'flight' category which was mentioned. Overcompensating and people-pleasing are behaviours we take on when trying to avoid /flee from potential or existing conflict. No eye contact, flinching when touched, etc. Avoiding all confrontation and instead overcompensating. This is how I was as a child. Always quiet, only spoke when spoken to, extremely polite and always anxious in social situations. I guess I'm still like this now as a young adult.

Me too. You’re enough too

Do you see a therapist or someone similar? I find it really helpful to model/role-play tough conversations in those sessions, especially when you still find them really awkward. For me, because of therapy, I've been able to tap into how I'm feeling and be aware of if I can make it a productive conversation, or at least not turn it into a massive downward spiral. It's really hard, but I hope you're able to practise.

I’m not married by any means 😂 but as i imagine you would reach a point in marriage to be comfortable with each other to talk about anything.

I was straight up because your demons will haunt him too and I believe you're doing a disservice to him by not letting him know this part of you

I think it's okay to let it be awkward, knowing your spouse is a safe place. If you're working with a therapist, definitely ask them for input!

I love my husband and he is a very sweet and caring person. I just think that i have kept those doors shut for so long, I don’t know how to open them.

Felipe please reach out for help because it DOES GET BETTER with the right help! Here is a helpful video as well kzfaq.info/get/bejne/bNRji6iT0dW0gn0.html

If you don't mind then how are you now buddy ??? Are you alright ??? Get some therapist .

You are so welcome! I hope my videos on trauma are helpful in your recovery process :) xoxo

@@Katimorton yes very much.. thank you!🤗🤗

You are not crazy, because I felt this way until a mental health special is expressed all the damage the violence in my past cause, this is not our fault. But we do have to do our best to get over this and heal!!

@@betzavel7865 if u saw my journal...u would think i am...my mom thinks i belong in one of those crazy nut housez where the kid is taken away and locked up for being crazy.

@@lindsayguillen7 if it says crazy stuff that is okay too, it was your way of coping!! You needed an outlet for all the negativity that happened to you. That's normal for all of us, and again you are not crazy!! You are a human being who has suffered and there is help for us for sure! My journal has some sick twisted stuff, this is not a competition, but for sure in time we will heal! We can do this, let's be positive

I would die if I saw that video go up!! Brené and Kati together would be amazing 💜💜💜

Way to go taking such a huge step and starting therapy, that is amazing! I hope it continuess really well for you!

HEADY1313 you deserve to feel love. We want people to care and when they are insensitive creeps we internalize it as we are worthless when in fact they are.

HEADY1313. I’m hoping you are feeling even a tiny bit better.💜

Praying for you!

Is there any way you can get yourself out of the house more often? Doesn't even have to be anything too big but ive found just being outside or in a public place can help the feeling of isolation a lot. And if you cant try finding some online communities to meet people with similar interests or struggles.

Happiness is hard to find. Look for something, anything, that brings you joy. For me, it's music. I listen to music in foreign languages so that I can pretend they're talking to me, and then I feel less alone. Maybe online chat rooms could help you feel less alone? Anything. The brain is a computer and it can be hacked. Find a way to hack it and infect it with happiness. When are you most likely to be affected by your emotions? (maybe during a meal, or one of your interactions with others?) Plan a happy activity immediately after that. Train your brain to be happy.

I'm the same ,I am too overprotective, I worry about my childrens psychological, physical and emotional health.It's hard for me to let go now that theyre growing up, but I do because I love them so much and would do anything if I know it would benefit them in a positive way.I judge myself too harshly (as a mother,) feeling not good enough. My mind is always going back to the physical emotional and mental abuse I had from my parents but I can proudly say I am nothing like them and my son and daughter know how much I love them and how proud I am of them. All the best to you , may we find the peace we couldn't find growing up. 😊

I can relate.

I hope you feel better. If journaling feels comfortable for you, I’d suggest that ❤.

Thats so odd, my trauma encouraged me to learn and be an awesome parent as well as a psychologist, so I did the opposite There is not a monster in you, that is just fear and you can overcome it!

TofuDream - I feel like I’ve been trained to be a monster, but I feel like declaring celibacy would just be letting the enemy win. Reminded of a quote by C.S. Lewis concerning the devil about how the devil (proverbial or literal) wants people to fear him as ever-powerful but simultaneously wants people to forget that he exists; in short, whatever keeps people from properly dealing with the threat and properly challenging his influence. I respect your decision for your own life; your call. As for myself, I feel like having kids and being a living contradiction of the curse, being a good parent that I should have been all along, is a total power move and an effective “I’m God-fearing, alive, and with 3 healthy kids, fuck you” to this concept of a curse; I have no idea whether or not I’ll succeed in this goal, but if I do it’d be epic.

Yay! That was my hope :) xoxo

I feel the same way. I know I would not be good mother bc I haven’t dealt with the childhood trauma with my brother.

My kids are adults now. I remember we found different ones through different places, but some really good ones were offered by elementary schools for basically the cost of the materials.

John Senesi don't you think of the trauma the American Indians went through when you dig into that Turkey at Thanksgiving? Food for thought.

@@taskbeats1 like we need more guilt?

Yes same with me. Up till now that I'm understanding it all a bit more.

Yes

You will carry the past with you forever, but you can learn how to work WITH it and move around it. It means you have a whole bunch to overcome, but NO, you're not screwed forever! I am living proof :):)

You can definitely move passed it. Fear not, humans are amazingly, amazingly resilient. Your instinct to survive can take you far. I recommend therapy and meditation. Brains are very plastic, or able to change and grow. I think only severe child abuse that stunts the brain (think genie who wasnt allowed to talk to people and thus couldnt use language) are closer to the 'beyond help' category, but even then you can still help them. ABA therapy is about lessening maladaptive behaviors in children with autism. They dont understand much of whats going on (severe levels of autism) but there are still therapies that can help them with emotional regulation, communication and independence.

I think it depends on the individual. There are those that were horribly abused or traumatized and you’d never know it. A male coworker friend of mine comes to mind. Then there’s those of us that have some serious mental health disorders that interfere with daily life challenges and social interactions. Again I think it varies person to person.

@@stephaniereed3248 Not true!

It also seems instinctual to fear someone bigger and more aggressive than you. For a long time yelling didnt bother me at all but ive been abused more in the last 2 years and now when people yell or fight my cortisol sky rockets I get so anxious and afraid. So for me, it was personal abuse experience and I didnt used to have that problem.