Yes I am very sensitive but I don’t show it but I have shown it to this toxic friend and she didn’t care and when I was having a panic attack she said I should have a panic attack bc she didn’t like me

This video reminded me how toxic my family members are.

WHEN THEY LIE... IT'S A BIG DEAL.BECAUSE THEY LOSE THEIR ABILITY TO BE TRUSTED

Fox 🦊 theatres having some cool 😎 shows

Some people iny life, I feel they are "Like the wind blows" So I do not take them seriously. Once I decided thats how somebody is, thats it. They do not hurt, they do not matter much.

I know the feeling. You are not alone.

Yep, that's my situation too. I used to tell myself I'm never going to be the girl that only hangs out with her boyfriend but my partner is the only one that is consistently there for me and not constantly putting me down. So I guess I'm that girl now

This has happened to me as well. I chose these people and allowed their behaviour. I finally realized I am better off alone than with toxic people.

Me too, it takes awhile to heal…..now I’m nurturing healthy relationships slowly

Which is why challenging yourself with the relationship can be much more beneficial, and why Katie didn't just say to dump everyone you think is toxic

Thanks for writing this information down! 😊

Thank you - the recap was very helpful

4 things to do to deal with toxic friendships: 1. Failed because she'd rather stone walling than communicate 2. Also failed because she'd question my boundary,but demand hers 3. Is what we're doing for months now.. 4. Probably in a few months because we live together so it's complicated

1. Failed, as I don't know how to talk to someone who just repeats what I say in a mocking voice, or yells offensive things at me, then mocks me when I lose control over my tears 2. As a selfish person, I don't get to set boundaries 3 failed, as our teachers decided to step in and save my friendship 4 success, but only after changing school for unrelated reasons Also, turns out teachers aren't supposed to assign friends

@@LeNoir2411 oof that's rough man. I am so sorry. My old best friend, it's *the* best friend I've had since kindergarten actually - we both were addicts together once we got to early adulthood (alcoholics), so we slowly turned to drinking buddies who enabled each other and I came to a point after trying to quit like 200+ times that I realized if I was gonna actually quit, I had to be alone and stop seeing all of my friends in order to successfully quit cuz they would either directly pressure me into taking drinks or would inadvertently pressure me by saying things like "it's there if you want it" (which tbh, could have been intentional. I told them to stop offering it to me but they'd still say things like that so I am sure they WANTED me to pick it up). I eventually cut them all off, but my best friend was the main one in particular I had to cut out, and it was meant to be a temporary thing. I began writing a huge amount - something I'd always wanted to focus on but couldn't because our friend group hung out constantly so I never had enough space to sit down and figure out what my voice was in music. I got to a really great part in my life and tried to reintroduce my friends and ever since I tried there's this lingering attitude where they all act like I think I'm better than them despite it being really them who are doing it. I have given all of them so many chances, they never respect boundaries when I try to say *set up plans in advance* , my old best friend ends up calling me at 2am and then tries to guilt me into coming over while he's drinking even though I have told him time and time again to at least set up plans the day before (and on top of that he's making it even more ridiculous by asking at 2am, I get off work at about midnight most nights so like damn just ask before I already have my night done and I'm relaxing just before I crash out? I've been trying to get on a better sleep schedule so hitting me up at the time I should be going to bed is just coming off like he wants to throw all of my self betterment back into my face). He's managed to go to all of our friends that also quit drinking to tarnish my name, telling everyone that I've changed and all this stuff so they're all apprehensive about me now - making it sound like my current significant other is controlling me. The dude is in a relationship and yet has also invaded some boundaries with how he has talked to my significant other, insinuating that she "stole me from him" (despite all the prior things I talked about happening years before I met her, so it's literally just not possible she is the reason. I changed and then 2 years later met her, he is attributing these things out of petty jealousy) but also has given vibes that he thinks he's going to find a way to sleep with my significant other - which is the most insane bullsh!t I've ever heard of in my life, I've been with her for 5 years now and just this alone has been the icing on the cake that has caused me to decide he's getting cut out because she doesn't deserve this garbage treatment from him. I'm tired of it all, the dude has zero respect for other people's boundaries and also thinks he gets to invade my s/o's personal space like she's some object he gets to pull out of my hands? Hell no. I don't view relationships as "having" people, she is a person that wants to be *with* me. it's a huge red flag that he does see it that way. I never noticed just how much he doesn't respect women and if I'm being honest, finding out he's a sexist piece of trash makes cutting him out so much easier. It's just insane. Hell, one time he dropped a bunch of stuff at my place (which I think was on purpose, now in hindsight), I bent down to pick it up and help him and he literally said something along the lines of "you're her little servant", as if I was picking things up for someone else or something? Like wtf is that!? It doesn't even make sense, I stop to help *HIM* and he chooses that time to say I'm someone else's servant? How dishonest can a person be! This dude used to be my best friend for so long and I can't handle it anymore. I gave him over 5 years to be a better friend, he used to be a good friend but my god how people can change.

Huge 🚩

💯 was always told that growing up

& narcs are red flags

I realized for AWHILE now that I have some Bible thumping narcissist "friends". They're generous, when it's on THEIR terms. The cookout is at their place, the restaurant is their pick. But they can never ever seem to make it to any of your invitations, and never follow up with, "let us know about other events coming up and we'll be sure to make it to at least one of them." SMFH

Mein khud Narcissist hun....but change hona chati hun....bhaut moody hun.....kaise thik karu

@@mikewillett5076 so spot on... thank you

You are rigth, I'm so glad for getting back my own time. Narcissists are energy and time thieves.

Yes!! In the same boat, but with a family member. Didn’t realise how much they negatively impacted my life till they moved away

Congrats that’s awesome

Couldnt have put in better words! Congrats!!

For me, it's got nothing to do with positive. I live with depression and I would hate people to rule me out for that. And I don't call depression, toxic. It's more about how they treat you, not how they are psych wise. To only want amazing people in your life is fine. It's a choice. But depression is not a toxicity. And if I want people there when I'm on a downturn, we have to be there for them. It's too easy for "they were toxic" to become unfair judgement when their husband just left or their son just died or even they broke a leg, because they are too negative. I don't mean to judge your post so harshly, I get tired of "you are so negative" being lobbed at people who are in grief, hurt, depression, long COVID, etc. Way too many long COVID people being dropped as friends because they cant hike anymore. I want to say "they never were a friend." Please folx, let's not drop people because they don't always laugh or create a good time for you. That's not us being good friends either. Kind of makes us a bit toxic in that "good times only" sort of way. Sorry. 50-50. Good, bad, ugly. Just not abusive is the thing. Now, taking it out on you all the time, different story. Years of self-involved, hard to stay in it but hopefully we aren't just ghosting depressed, bipolar, etc people.

Right? Toxic friends hate your boundaries because they don't align with their wants/needs. I always felt drained/exhausted.

True!!

😭 or when you ask for something back that you let them borrow 6-months ago!

Sooo true

I had people demand "Take it, take it!" when I refused something such as a slice of cake. That is an instant turn off to me and I then will cut that person out of my life. I once came home and found a message in my landline phone ordering me to have lunch with the caller the following Tuesday. That was a huge red flag to me. I was otherwise engaged that day so wouldn't have been able to meet with him but even if I was I wouldn't want to go. So I didn't call him back. If he had called again while I was at home I would have been straight with him.and told him not to call again.

Yep

This is definitely true. Experienced that too

Worse is when a sibling does it. I had that experience.

Omg this. Was part of this weird friend group for about a year and everything was always a competition. No one was ever genuinely happy for others successes. No one really even listened to each other. (Just recently separated from all them). Like "The Ghosts of Beverly Drive" song by Death Cab For Cutie: You wanna teach but not be taught And I wanna sell but not be bought

​@@happygrandma2732yep me too. It hurts á lot.

My best friend started making comments about my appearance and when I decided that I needed to let her know that her comments were hurting me, she got really upset that I called her out and cut all ties with me because of that. She did not care about respecting my feelings and thought it was better to end a decade long friendship instead of just saying "I'm sorry" and move on.

​@@sumimaindMaybe cuz their self concept & image of whatever they want the world to believe about them was shattered (could even be as silly as the need to always be right-- even when wrong & the need to have the last word ... ie Control) Narcs' self image -no matter how false- is always most important

Yeah I struggle with this one.

🎯 they think they have 24/7 access. Try ringing them and they don't pick up the phone

I think abuse is a stretch !. Too many labels are used. Younger ppl seem to be obsessed with labels.

@@coffeeandhorses7991 Not nearly enough information was given for you to make that judgement.

Hope you're all better now.

I'm dealing with the same thing.. the reason why i couldn't walk away was because i knew she's just as troubled as me... But she's too abusive

It's not wrong to put your own mental health first. When, after standing for myself, I hear the "You used to be so nice", I know breaking away is the right decision. Take care of yourself.

You're lucky. I never got any apology

But they do feel that way, or you did feel that way. And it’s not their responsibility. They did something or didn’t and it triggered you.

I had that, too. Mostly secrets blabbed about his relatives that they told him in confidence. It was boring for me and betraying their confidences and breaching their privacies. Whenever I spoke after hearing his monologues for ten minutes, he interrupted and eventually hung up when he had done talking. He was also passing on my secrets to his relatives who knew me. I stopped answering the phone to him in the past two months, thinking I just didn't want to be distracted from what I was doing at the time. Now I realise why.

I am so glad it was helpful. xoxo

same

Yes! It made me realized that too.

You may have been dumped because they're assholes. A possibility too. The way this reads it's like: oh I have some temporary feelings of discomfort. As a friend you should always be making me feel great. There's a middle ground there and sometimes patience is just thrown out the window because we demand instant gratification.

Thanks Deborah. Maybe the quick superficial short-term “friendship” is worth this kind of checkbox assessment, but if you’ve got a long term friendship and a few of these offenses are happening, check your own behavior too. And maybe ask if your friend is okay?!

I recently had this with a very close no more friend of 6 years or so. If they don’t accept and respect you and your boundaries you are better off without them xxx

Yes many do react that way. Which is why you’re better off just getting on with it. Have the conversation, sooner rather than later, and figure out if the relationship can be salvaged or if they can’t even handle conflict resolution in a friendship. If they can’t, and they just get aggressive, why spend more time around them, not having had the talk, waiting for them to improve their behavior when you know deep down they won’t? You owe them the chance to hear what’s upsetting you and address it, but once you’ve done that, if they can’t work with you on it, get the ffck out!!! The sooner the pain (of grief) starts, the sooner it ends, I promise. You deserve better and life’s too short!

The people that do react that way - you'll realize eventually - were never real friends to start with. These are the types of people are happy to be in a relationship with you so long as you meet all their needs and they meet little to none of yours. They only want to take, take, and take and rarely give back. When I started having boundaries with people, some of them did get angry and drop our friendship, some of them got over their anger and readjusted.

Agree with the comments here about just seeing and accepting people's true colors sooner than later. I think some of us avoid having the hard conversations because we want to continue these delusions about how great this person and our relationship is. But if you're bringing up a boundary or a feeling that matters a lot to you and their reaction is just nasty? That's not a person who cares about you -- or even has the ABILITY to care about you. If they don't have the ability, the central problem isn't even something personal -- it's just a fact of life to be seen and understood. When we see this emotionally immature side of people, we have the choice to keep letting them in our lives knowing full-well this person is mentally/emotionally a child you have to maintain very low expectations of. Or cut them out. If you can, I think you gotta cut them out because when you keep them in, your behavior toward them will be nasty and disrespectful over time because we all get resentful around adults who act like children with no self-awareness or sense of self responsibility.

I completely agree. There were certain individuals in my life that completely disagreed with my stance on certain subjects, condemned decisions that i made for myself that had no bearing on how they lived their life. When i finally put my foot down and told them they have crossed a boundary they went off the deep end, I couldn't take it anymore. I was done.

Yes, my friend would always be talking about her issues and drama but if I tried to vent to her she acted totally uninterested.

Maybe venting was overwhelming for your friend?. Therapy is probably the appropriate place to vent. Friends don't want to hang out to have ppls problems dumped on them.

@@coffeeandhorses7991 yeah. Of course someone needs therapy when they want to talk about a bad day or a bad situation. It's completely unheard of to just talk about random frustrating things with friends

@@coffeeandhorses7991 then they're not real friends.

@@amystephen2937 in my case, I'm the one who talks about myself a lot because she don't really want to talk about hers..problem is ,when I don't want to talk about mine, she'd guilt trip me.. while I'm feeling like a total jerk every time I'm talking about me because it's all about me ,like you mentioned.. I'm mostly self aware , that's why i feel bad for talking about me me me, but my 'bestie' of over 10yr always pushed me , giving ultimatum or guilt trip if i don't share .. it's driving me crazy

It depends on if they would listen to you or not. People I hardly know and just happen to be in the same organised social group as me or who are only acquaintances I would cut off without explanation. Long term friendships are harder so have a serious talk with them about what you will no longer permit from them.

i need to get there. i always think people are cool, but they usually are'nt.

Yup..I analyze them looking for any passive aggressiveness, sarcasm, one-sidedness. Not too many people these days that are capable of a friendship.

Yes, very true for me as well. As I began leaving Codependency and began practicing Boundaries, I noticed how quickly I lost some "friends" --or family members who were used to me being a doormat; they griped, pitched fits, and complained about the "new" me. They preferred old doormat me, who allowed them to verbally abuse me or not insisting they meet my needs in return, as I had been meeting theirs for years. A lot of toxic people are thrilled to be in one sided relationships, where you meet their needs and they meet none of yours. Boundaries tends to eliminate these people from your life.

@@windshieldBug none of my friends meet my needs at all. and thats my fault bc i didnt know any better

We have to remember that people aren’t mind readers. We have to learn how to be vulnerable to make our needs known. Only then can you truly say someone is not meeting your needs.

THank you for your honesty! Me, too.

Ha! Excellent insight.

im with ya 2024

I think if it is difficult for you not to gossip then tell your friends not to burden you with their secrets as its painful for you to carry them around with discharging them to a third party. Other people's secrets can feel like burden.

Same😢

I'd love to hear your self judgement as toxic as without good therapy, toxic people rarely see their own toxicity and are rarely those who actively seek an honest therapist who won't always let you be the victim in their room. I wonder how you see your last behavior that was "toxic." Too many depressed people, no longer the life of party get told they are now "toxic" and we believe them. Were you abusive and intentionally hurtful to people? Or did they tell you to give more and you couldn't. Curious. We accept "you are toxic to me" too often without backup examples. And usually it's stuff from years ago. One thing. I have implemented a "fight fair" rule with friends. If I say something hurtful you have a very short period of time to tell me and me decide if I owe you a sincere apology. After that dropped. You can't throw it 5 years later when a tiny thing happens. Done with that. Again, sign of a toxic friend and parent too. Unfair fighting. Set boundaries on how you are allowed to have an argument. "You have 5 days to confront me, otherwise it's done."

i resonate with this, wishing the best of luck for you

I really felt this.

Same. I was friends with a narcissist and picked up some of her traits I became a drama queen and a lot of my behavior wasn’t how I would normally act. I put my bestfriend through so much and caused her so much pain. I never meant to intentionally hurt anyone I was under the influence of a really toxic person and I too became toxic. I’ve been to therapy and I’ve gotten better

When you out grow them bc you tried to help them and they basically treat you like dirt it's time to move on

One of my closest friends was in my wedding and made me cry on my wedding day. She ghosted me for a month after and when I confronted her about it she tried to gaslight me and throw back all my insecurities and make me out to be a bad person then basically ended the friendship. I was really messed up for a awhile after that and still recovering. I still have bad dreams about it sometimes. It's truly like going through a breakup but no one talks about friendships ending like they do other relationships.

@@1upRosie my maid of honor made us three hours late last year for our wedding. I know she has borderline personality disorder and I realize that she has some problems but after our wedding she just lit into me and said that I made the entire evening about myself and my husband and she hoped that by the time she gets to be my age she won’t be embarrassing herself the way I do with my need to be a center of attention princess when I have already been married once before and I’m forty seven years old. ( she’s 13 years younger) I just couldn’t believe that she went to such depths with her opinion of me on my wedding night!

@@RadioPsychicAstrologyByPepper I'm so sorry! This sounds so similar to my experience. She had clinical depression and I was always there through all her worst times. I tried to be an empathetic friend and helped her find treatments over the years. When it came to my wedding she became a different person. For my bachelorette party she missed her flight and made us wait for her at the airport then buy her food when we got her. Then she got into an argument with my soon to be husband who apologized even though he didn't have to. She then spent the first night at a different person's house over it which made the whole weekend awkward. She also tried to take credit for planning everything and make me not like my other friends. At the wedding, while I was getting breakfast with my MoH she was getting her makeup done at the salon (this was optional btw) and she starts texting me that her makeup is terrible and she's crying. I rush to the salon and her makeup is fine. I tell her to make her feel better but that made her more mad because I didn't validate her so she rushed out crying which made me cry. After the wedding she posted about her horrible makeup experience to her socials and never once said anything about us or our wedding that she was a BM in. Then when I confronted her about it, she basically told me I was a horrible friend all along and that I talked behind people's backs and played games and she didn't want to be my friend anymore. I've come to realize she was a narcissist all along and I was sucked into her ego trips. When she wasn't the center of everything, she couldn't take it anymore. It's really sad when that person becomes a memory attached to your wedding day though. I hope you're able to find some closure and know that it's not you, it's them.

@@1upRosie so she ruined the most special day of your life, that's no friend. Lucky escape. Maybe she was jealous of you.

Jealousy can rear its ugly head sometimes.

Good for you. I do this too. Enmeshment.

You ended a 30 year friendship because she told you to mind your business??? I understand not wanting to jeopardize your sobriety but you could still support her. Especially because she probably feels alone. Her lashing out probably has nothing to do with you as a person. And I’m not saying don’t hold her accountable but more cut her some slack. It’s kinda sounding like maybe you were the toxic friend in that relationship and were already looking for an out. You and I both know it’s not as easy as just wanting to get clean. There are always other factors involved.

Stay strong. You can’t make someone fix their life, and it sounds like she is full of excuses. Stay far away from people who have excuses for everything.

@@liyahrochelle7716 Exactly right. Everyone is full of self justification and think their plan for others should be followed. OMG hrer friend pushed back? What she did was unhealthy to her addicted friend. Don't close doors unless someone is really out of control. She just got impatient and thinks she should be directing what happens to someone and their timing. Ignorant intolerant and self gratifying behaviour. The world is messy life is messy but if that friend tanks you helped push them down instead of just being there, yet holding the line and not being manipulated. Being there for someone doesn't mean being an accomplice. It's so wrong on so many levels and the intolerance is just weird.

@@netteloveszebras I will certainly stay away from intolerant people like you. I don't have addictions but I understand people who do. They are addicted. Think about how difficult that is. Excuses? Sounds like you have plenty.

@@liyahrochelle7716 Sounds to me like the OP you're replying to is ending the friendship because the friend will not take responsibility for her life and actions, and the OP said that this is having harmful results on her and other people in the addict's life. Good for her for having healthy boundaries and recognizing she cannot save or rescue her friend. Only her friend can help herself.

I think you have this figured out. Sad but likely true.

Me too! I used to always let them know how I felt and I would get the silent treatment or change of subject in return. Now I just ghost

that’s awful

Ahh silent treatment, their ultimate weapon that could destroy our self worth

I had once and for 7 years a dude who would tell me how evil i am bcuz somebody i know told him I am bad , but he knew better than that . He dropped a bombshell on me in his car then by telling me as if is a parent or authority figure when is younger than i . He got on me at restaurants when he invited offering to pay the tab . Then scold me for not tipping when then in 1986 I hadn't known about that . I was in my 20s in a rural community. He would have me do chores in his place for to make up for the tab .He got me to agree with him like a contract without me having known it . Push contract idea when he was so out of line. Use guilt to pressure me to submit to him and i thinks is a true friendship but full of strict or burden conditions where he was Controlling me often until i went back home. He did that for 2 years and using me on my ignorance of knowing he was a Narcissist ! Then next 4 years used me some more but made it seem he was doing good or right . He wouldnt leave me alone . Harassed me often . He also told me I was stingy and selfish bcuz I would not throw money around as if to make him seem better near others. I did not have a lot though. Still with my parents. 6 years of hell and crazy loony behavior i didn't know better than to put up with .

Same.

Oh yes & when you find that something is off

I've been in a similar situation. The best thing to do is to prioritize your well-being. It's a bit like trying to help someone with addictions, unless they really want to change something about their situation, nobody can help them. "Friendships" like that are draining and frustrating and eventually take a toll on your mental health.

No need to explain yourself, drop her ass.

Same here, my bestie of over 10yr is also like that.. i could tolerate her just because i came from abusive background too, not a competition just to make a point, my childhood was a lot worse but she's acting way crazier than me, too critical, has a habit of giving silent treatment,refused communication,so whatever i was suggesting in order to have a better friendship didn't work because she twists things and put all the blame on me ,while also hating herself..which makes me feel guilty..but that also made me realize, emotional abuse from a mother is very terrifying because my bestie turned into a walking toxic red flag, that i failed to notice because I've never known what healthy relationship looks like so i guess we found solace in eachother until one of us is going forward but the other one refused.. I've lived my life in survival since i was a kid, literally, all kinds of abuses , that's why i want to just move forward, I don't wanna be miserable for the rest of my life.. but she wouldn't let me, maybe it's just my feelings, sometimes i feel like she likes me more when I'm vulnerable, then being indifferent when I'm doing better.. idk anymore That's why I'm cutting her off but it's not easy because we live together, but sooner or later i gotta get out of this house and let her go

You can be compassionate from afar, but never forget that you, as much as anyone else in the world, also deserves your compassion. Don't feel bad.

Good job. True, and to the point.

Yes and I’m dealing with that too and feeling like just because they want you to do things and be their friend doesn’t mean you have to

I wrote a song about toxic friendships and the feelings you go through when you get let down my a close friend. it’s called friend and my name is Jolina if you want to hear it on Spotify or wherever you listen to music💜 maybe the song can help you heal the way it helped me💜YOU DESERVE BETTER.

These are great points and it's necessary to stay healthy. The problem is in how you let the person know what your boundaries are. If someone is pathologically toxic of course cut them out, but too often we just reach for convenience instead of offering consistency and constancy with boundaries.

@@jolina942 Beautiful song...you have a lovely voice also! ❤

@Amy - Just a warning: this stuff doesn't stop in your late 30s. I'm older than you, and trust me, as you age, you'll likely attract more toxic people, and the toxic people may themselves be in their 40s, 50s, or older. I got much faster at removing these types of people from my life once I got older, and I began reading books and web pages by psychologists and therapists about boundaries and codependency. Also resources about narcissistic abuse can be helpful, because many (not all) of the toxic people you meet probably have a Cluster B personality disorder, which would include pathological narcissists - and they are all take, no give. Some lack empathy or are prone to unpredictable mood swings, where they lash out in rage. Some of them play on your pity and empathy to emotionally manipulate you, use you, and keep you in the friendship.

OMG, I'm sixty and just learning this. I feel sick about all my wasted decades

why do i see u under so many yt comment sections

Does it really matter too much? You are human, you experienced hurt, it isn't your fault that you didn't know better or couldn't handle things better than the way you did. We a live and learn, and I think more people that you'd think have trouble owning up to their own faults but are very swift to recognise faults in others. It's only your responsibility to do better once you've learned. To answer your question I think ot could be both. Untreated mental illness led to toxic relationships because the prerequisites for a healthy relationship were not met at the time.

Communication is key. Just talking to them and describing what your emotions do to you could help a lot I think.

Honestly when people get to a point where they have to cut off someone they care about it's not without giving them several opportunities, and chances, and explanations of their feelings prior. They don't make that decision lightly because it huts. It came as a very last resort because it's something they didn't want to have to do, but out of preservation of their own feelings and well being they had to. It doesn't matter what the condition is if a tree gets chopped at enough it comes crashing down, if a plant doesn't get watered it dies; our relationships are the same. You have to own it, and chose in yourself and others people who would nurture and keep things growing.

OMG. I get that to. Thank you for reminding me. I tend to feel guilty and forget why I backed off a friend. That's just one reason. She does it on purpose.

That's sage advice. I find myself doing that too. It kind of makes me a little sad, however. Some things are just so difficult to navigate that I chose not to with her. (i.e. Although I'm 65 she still says "you're just a boy"!). Like you, I find myself trying to wrap up the conversation after we have caught up. I know the longer we continue, the odds of something not good is going to happen.

Your mother is not being hurtful as you’ll always be her little boy. Also she may have dementia. Geez.

I can totally relate to every single thing you wrote(except experimenting thing), it's actually scary..

It seems so basic, too in retrospect.

Know exactly what you're going through. Friends constantly gaslighting rewriting history and flat out lying and using me. Even when I called it out I was gaslit threatened told I was crazy

I'm in a similar place! I also have CPTSD and I am aware of how it can cause toxic relationships to keep happening, but I want to change that too. I just don't want to hurt anyone so it's hard. Also am used to getting very bad responses. I wish you the best of luck and you should be super proud of yourself! What you're doing is such a big thing ♥

Ugh I relate to all of this. Can I ask where you’ve been finding new friendships that align with who you are now? I want to be around like minded people but I don’t know how/ where to find them.

@@ShaneBlackheart I can relate; also to receiving bad responses: Those I'm luckily getting fewer of now and in less extreme ways. Thank you for the kind words - I wish you best of luck too 🤗

​@@YA-ju5vg I'm looking into joining a community of interest, volunteering or some activism. Right now I'm using an app made for combating loneliness (developed by a NGO) that is available in my country. Just to give my self a gentle push and meet some people in same position as me, and to practice to speak with strangers again. I have made it a point to take small steps, not make my self small, and to clearly exspress my values and expectations to others, and it seems to work well for now. I'm very cautious to who I'm speaking with and meeting from the app - the app also have guidelines for safety and behaviour, so I feel quite safe about it.

Same here, it's a lonely season! I was told once that ..... MY Picker is broken, I'm working hard on finding some sensitive people , but have found not to many. We need a club

I had a friendship like this for 10 years. Worst time of my life. Glad you got out when you did.

Thank you for sharing your story! It sounds very similar to mine I agree with you it's a difficult thing to do but we have to look out for ourselves! My old friend did the same. She used me as a therapist and it was exhausting. I am so happy I cut them out.

Same experience

Being friends with a narcissist feels like a full time unpaid internship that you will NEVER get promotion from.

With narcissists it DOES always backfire. That's the problem.

@@ct6852 Fair point

There’s no such thing as constructive criticism with a narcissist. I’ve brought up issues I had in a friendship and the “friend” turned everything around on me and I ended up apologizing. It’s so ass backwards.

This happened to me I told them what bothered me and they were mad about it as if they can't make mistakes in life...... After that experience I never tell anyone anything... I just distance myself until the friendship is gone.

This is the advice that should be given^ I'm not saying to not give someone a chance, but if they're abusive (emotionally or physically or both) at all, let them go. Don't hang on thinking they'll change. People never change really.

This is right! 👍👍 This is waht I wanted to say. This is a technique. If someone says this to you - lets reflect: whether we do not make them overly responsible for our feelings… 🤔

Here's to improvement! Imo generally just don't say "I'm sorry YOu feel that way' ugh.

@twilfits Yes I had never realized how generally bad that sounded until she pointed it out. I think I was just so accustomed to having toxic friends I didn't realize it. Now though I've made more effort to have better friends, and they deserve better apologies!

OMG, yes

❤ God gave me the sign my friends were toxic

I'm sorry you had to end things

I had a similar situation and reconnected with my old friend. I’m sorry I did! 🤦‍♀️ It’s like I had forgotten why I quit being friends with her until we were together again and she did the same things. Why can’t people grow up?

I’m sorry to hear this happened to you. I have a friend who recently did this and I ended up correcting her at a dinner in front of a bunch of people which sent her to the bathroom crying. It’s really hard when you don’t want to be around people anymore but they want to cling onto you. My advice and what I am trying to do is just set boundaries and not give in just because that they say they’re sorry. You don’t have to talk to them or hang out so maybe just let them know that you are taking a step back. Time will go by and they will eventually move on

❤️

I am so sorry you went through that :( And glad that she is no longer in your life. xoxo

Omg ,i can relate! I befriend my bestie back in highschool,even up till now , we're very close even live together,but i was so blind i let her treat me however she wants ,i hate myself for not realizing it sooner .. she has a habit of abandoning me when we argue, or ghosting me when I'm being friendly with others.. she'd often blame it on me.. I'm in the process of cutting her off but it's not easy ;(

Sounds like she’s a terrible friend.

I ended a toxic friendship 18 months ago. I was heartbroken and still feel sad at times. To recover I developed new interests and from that a bigger social circle. Also spent time with genuine friends. Videos like this help though.

Yes it is. I've been there.

BTW, my toxic friend is my own sister!

Once my friend broke my trust that was it. That's my only term in relationship

Yes, I have one who can be horrible at times, and it has taken me too long to realize she will never ever change.

I'm about to leave my group of so called 'friends' which is just a whole bunch of pessimist bullying each other and saying your never gonna amount to anything in life. and then ill only has like 2 friends left that i only speak to once a week.

Those drinking those drinking friends will go as well and people you liked high and drunk aren't fun when your sober nothing is the same actually just sober misery have fun one more month for me 10 years sober waste of time just everything is worse sober I'd rather go thru the next couple wasted being sober is for people that actually like it here.