I didn't realize this became a TikTok audio until my friend pointed it out to me just now Glad you guys are enjoying it

“And everyone died, okay. THE GAZEBOOOO!” Fucking killed me

john mulaney is shower thoughts given form

“AND NOW THERES NAZI’S AGAIN! no.”

“I’m chip Mulaney I’m your father. But sometimes he would be gay.”

I was over on the bench I was over on the bench I was over on the bench I was sittin over on the bench I wAs OVeR oN tHe bEnCh I MADE A SALAD WITH CRAISINS

I know the context to all of these and yet this is cut in a way that’s so fast paced that I feel like I don’t and I’m loving it

Ok Ok Ok Ok Ok Ok *I HAVE FIRED THE HORSE CATCHER*

I'm sorry, how many times have I seen this, and I didn't realize the backdrop CHANGES COLORS?

0:49 I think about him screaming "PEPPAAAAAA" every single day...

“But sometimes he would be gay” “ever been to the goddamn zoo??”

I never realized how much "God can't hear you" sounds like a threat out of context

"and everyone died. okay." PLS

*Boom! Orange Juice!* Now I've thrown him off his rhythm!

I’m surprised there was no “now he’s crying” or “NOT FUCKING TOM”

I'm dying because I thought that this was the plot of some movie called Kid Gorgeous, but entirely in John Mulaney quotes

The zoom at 1:01 I'm crying

All his sentences sound like a book title-

"Lyrics": Have you ever seen a ghost? I was over on the bench. And I was over on the bench. I was sittin over on the bench. I was over on the BENCH! I made a salad with craisins! Hello, I’m Chip Mulaney. I’m your father. But sometimes he would be gay. Ever been to the god damn zoo? I used to smoke craaack. What’s yesterday? Shut up, you’re all gonna die. Street smarts! *PHOW* [Waves] Boom! Orange juice! That’s life. Now I’ve thrown him off his rhythm. Give us some money! Stay down on the ground! Stay down on the ground you motherfucker! Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need to go to sleep? But why don’t we just tell our relatives that I’m a four-year-old boy? Hey. Do you want me to kill that guy for you? I am now gross. And what’s this? PEPPA! I’m putting wires into a board filled with holes, to move the voices around. Look at these curvy letters! And everyone died. Okay. The gazebo! I’m gonna run towards the baby incubators and smash em with my hooves. I got nice hooves and a long tail. I'm a horse. I’m a fuckin hippopotamus. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. O- I have fired the horse catcher. Take your goddamn EpiPen and get out of my house! And now there’s Nazis again! No. [Downs shot] You’re never gonna get that Best Buy rewards card! Wait, what did you just say? Woah, what’s this place? And they’re not good. [Raises hands up] The bread of bread, is breaaad! God can’t hear you.

Alternative title: John Mulaney in a nutshell

I'm surprised "Detective J.J. Bittenbinder" didn't make it

When he theows the epipen, theres so much emotion and form. 10/10 this man deserves an oscar

"Take your goddamn epipen and GET OUT OF MY HOUSE" is so funny to me out of context

sometimes i like to imagine that he's actually alone and there's a laugh track playing. just a wiry man in a big room doing some shouting

“okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, ok-“ “i have fired the horse catcher”

0:47 Every person at puberty

0:22 i cant tell you how many times i do that in a day

1:26 without context, this is still a masterpiece

Ranboo’s streams have made “give us some money!!!” sound very different than it used to

1:15 I swear this gets stuck in my head every single time I take a test

0:10 “hello I’m Chip Mulaney I’m your father. But sometimes he would be gay.”

This seems like so much longer than a minute and fourth four seconds- and I mean that in the best way possible

why is this suddenly being recommended to everyone

And people wonder why Gen Z loves him.

im so glad this special ended with "god cant hear you" and this video does not disappoint

"Do all my friends hate me? Or do I just need to go to sleep" good question that idk the answer to

*Me before this video*: I can't believe John did Coke! *Me after this video*: Uh huh...there were clues...

1 minute and 44 seconds is a lot longer when it's this funny

i was expecting A HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS to appear

whenever i hear “give us some money” i just think of ranboo’s streams donation sound

this is my new favorite video lmaooo

"I am now gross"

I was chuckling pretty hard then 1:02 came and I lost it XD XD XD Edit: I forgot about 1:20 omg XD XD XD XD XD

yep, that pretty much sums it up

0:39 My mom telling the waitress a diff age than what i am to get a discount

THE EDITING FOR LOOK AT THESE CURVY LETTERS LMAOOO

ORANGE JUICE! thats life 👉

The fact that I have this entire thing down by memory is just absolutely glorious

“the bread of bReAd is BREeEeAaDd!”

"Hey, do you want me to *_kill_*_ that guy for you?"_

Mood

Why does this almost feel exactly like watching the actual whole show

The "I used to smoke craaacckkk" runs through my head every single day.

I didn’t realize my speed was set to 1.5x at first, but it actually makes this so much better

I have never seen such an amazing like to dislike ratio god damn

When he said god can’t hear you I was waiting for him to yell ‘I don’t think god can heaR LITTLE GIRLS IN VICTORIAN NIGHT DRESSES’

This is my unmedicated brain's thoughts at 1 am when I decide I actually wanna sleep final form

im surprised "NOT FUNNYYYY" isn't here lmao

this made me realize how many topics he covered,,, damn

it doesnt matter if you found him from big mouth he is still a legend and will always be.

I don't care for these new Nazis and you can quote me on that

I rewatched the over on the bench actual part with my classmates at least 20 times and died laughing every time

I’m 100% sending this to my friends who don’t know who John Mulaney is

Doctor: You have 1 minute and 44 second left Me: *T H I S*

THE FACE ZOOM IN FUCKING KILLED ME

i paused it at exactly 1:42 and nearly died

“God can’t hear you.”

"Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep"

“Im putting wires into a board filled with holes to move the voices around” Killed me😂

Ladies and gentlemen, cocaine

“Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?” A cocaine comedown in a nutshell

Apparently John Mulaney has a very important place in Gen Z humor.

this is my entire LIFE in a minute and 44 seconds

i was over on the bench, i was over on the bench, i was sittting over on the bench, I WAS OVER ON THE BENCH

I think I've found my spirit animal

I love how "god can't hear you" is the last thing he says

John:*raises hands* Audiences:INCREASING LAUGHTER

Doc: you have 1 min and 44 seconds left to live. Me: THE GAZEEBOOOO

I feel like I've watched kid gorgeous way too many times. I literally know what hes on about on every single clip lmao ik it all by heart aha

… my brain around, 100% of the time? *Yes*

I often get the 'Bread of God is Bread' song stuck in my head... I feel like this is not a normal thing to happen...

I'm a horse- iM a FuCkInG hIpPoPoTaMuS

Now picture spider ham saying these things

"yE NEVA gonnA get thAt BEST BUY rewARds CAAD." This man-

0:29 It always throws me off, I feel like someone donated to a stream I left open in another tab X'D

Kid gorgeous is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen

I am actively imagining Jack Horner and spider-ham saying this stuff

i hate that i remember every single joke in the entirety

the definition of chaotic neutral

You have no idea how many of his lines match scenes from evangelion

"Theres Nazis again!" "No." *Takes a shot of alcohol*

Alternative title: Me, summarized in 1 minute and 44 seconds

As someone who’s never watched a John Mulaney stand up show, I can’t even imagine the context of all of these 😅

“i was on the bench”

Damn pity that this is missing "Now we don't have time to unpack ALL of that!" At the same time, the fact that it's missing is surprisingly appropriate. XD

I MADE A SALED WITH CRAZENS

“ i’m a fucking hippopotamus, ok ok ok ok ok ok”

His college bit needs to go into the hall of fame of bits

“boom orange juice, thats life” - End of Evangelion(1997) dir. hideaki anno

*I WAS OVER ON THE BENCH*