I'm an ex JW and this hits so close to home 🤣🤣🤣

@@johnclaudetaylor5224 same here

I have some great Drug Stories, definitely better than any I have seen so far....

OK the multiverse must be real kzfaq.info/get/bejne/a7JjpLN2m7PIaYU.html more *facepalm*

Thanks Kurt. You're right on- love you on Dore- tough gig, be a comedian but don't interrupt.. haha you do it tho.

No u

The fuck's a "plotwist"?

@mellamosean ... Blow me

@mellamosean ... I insist...

@mellamosean ... Lol sweet!! I haven't been assaulted in.... five years?... The taste of blood in my mouth and ringing in my ears is super comparable to reading a post that says "... Fuck you, chump!..." Yeah, I think a fight sounds great! Where should we meet down for a beat down?

if you did it for a living and made enough money to stay that as your job, you did great. i know dozens of people who will never escape san jose or ever get paid.. just cuz you gave up on it means nothing. you can do it again anytime you please. the rest of your life if you just grab a mic and tell one joke youre right back into it again. and open mics are always welcoming..

Kurt's a great comic.

Do you have a favourite joke that you wrote?

Carl Hicks Jr why don’t you start telling stories from your life on KZfaq and have someone do animation of some drawling you do or something just on KZfaq period you can make a killing and never have to leave your bathroom lol

Love everyone being so encouraging. Refreshing to see vs usual youtube bull. Sam, maybe you could be his promoter ;-) Whatever you're doing now Carl, I hope it makes you happy. It also takes a smart person to know their limitations as we all have'em.

Gotta respect the honesty :D

Got hired by a Jehovah's Witness!

O_O

You tell a story all your own.

It's called pain. All of us exjw have it. 😔

Jeffrey martinez very true Jeffrey

chill

or he found ari's breath strips

or is near the mic...

wow. amazing. true

Live life loudly!!!

@@jwm6314 off-worlders

No, For Kurt, this is polished!

@@bogovabatina Sign of the craft!

Just the way you like it!

real talk

Belial61 ♥♥♥ HONEST PEOPLE WHO NEVER LIE ARE THE BEST LIARS. ♥♥♥

Gad damn....

Me too :D

Matt? Is your online name Belial61? Is that you?

*Zoomo

That was my favorite line in the whole bit.

Haha, it was totally worth the wait 😂🤣😂

Well, none of that story makes even remotely any sense. So.... same.

Zumo is that you?

My ex house speakers son had a kid at 16 and he just moved congregations overnight. Nobody acted like anything happened nor said anything about it ever. I stopped going at 15 tho. It was totally a cult

Devbo Slice BROOOO THIS IS TOO FUNNY. I relate to this I was one and I used to fuck with the JW girls. They were low key kinky cuz they couldn’t express sexuality. Fucked but true and hthe hats funny af

I grew up in that stupid crap and this shits HILARIOUS to me

Same here I was dying of laughter lol

.me too

Same. Such a nasty cult.

So many of my friends who are currently shunning me listen to Joe rogan podcasts while they're working, and I look forward to every time Kurt is on.

Same. Just your regular doomsday cult.

I think this is one of the best comments I've ever seen. Kudos to you and your grandma!

Happy for you!

your familys dumb boiii

I used to drop bags full of water on JW's heads as a kid. I'm convinced the bad luck I have had in life is directly connected to said act. Any advice as how to break the Curse?

She has 2 boyfriends?

+Ramiro Belmares so you stole food from your job ?? Shame on you, if you had been a Jehovah's Witness you would have been slapped with a dirty sock for hamburglerizing this business. You better not ever talk crap about Jehovah's Australian Royal Commission and be like all these other worldly apostates spreading lies about Jehovah's WItness child abuse scandals.

@@BobSmith-xk5fb lol wut

This is a kind of nepotism, and I like it.

like if russel peters fucked mr. bean

Newton's Third Law omg yes...i was trying to place his look

Exactly what I thought!

@@xorovats kinky

@Pichkalu Pappita He doesn't look brown at all. Perhaps a little tan, but he's still European in origin.

agreed

true

1+ he was telling the stories good to

+ydin9 stop bashing Jehovah's WItnesses and spreading false hope of ever being saved at Armageddon you wicked worldly person! You are like all the others spreading false lies about Jehovah's Australian Royal Commission and child abuse scandals.

Oh, I'm so sorry Bob, I did not in anyway mean to imply Jehovah's Australian Royal Commission had become anything like Catholic Church. Absolutely nobody should google what any of that means.

Same here my mom hate guns

me too

Are you still a witness?

Lol I didn’t play with action figures, but I couldn’t have a water gun as a kid growing up in the 90’s. Do you know how devastating that is????!!!🤬😭

Same here but my mom is atheist.

Phantom Alpha the reasons lie in the origins of the holidays, they started out as pagen celebrations adopted by early religious leaders to get bums on seats and try to blend in and build a following

Phantom Alpha Got damn right! I grew up as one. I left, shit I escaped. My family is still in.

It is though, thats true. Dogmatically, it is just another christian cult (they're all cults btw), that involves a doomsday scenario that has nothing to do with reality. The only thing that distinguishes JWs among other christian cults is that it is highly structured, deeply organized, and very insulated and controlling. In other words, its the management and structured organization that makes it seem special, otherwise, its the same biblical shit, just way better enforced.

foxibot You are 100% correct. I was a Jehovah’s Witness the first 10 years of my life. The focus on “the could end at any minute” put me in a depression so bad I was seriously considering suicide at the age of 8. Thank God for grandma for getting us out of that cult.

Stephanie S that sucks you contemplated suicide....My mother is JW....we lost the mother son connection....When I listen to her talk it sounds like she is brainwashed....How did your family act towards you when you left JW? And what made you decide to leave ?

He reminds me of Mr. Bean.

Those are his uncle an cousin. Rodney is his uncle. And "Mr. Bean" is his cousin... Or, they fucked and made him, one of the two.

Jaseeka Rawr that’s calling cocaine

@Jake Shattuck 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I was trying o figure it out and your right his eyes were like Rodney's

@Stephanie Carrow. I also enjoy Kurt on Jimmy's show. Often Kurt will say something hilarious or pertinent and Jimmy might talk through it, probably not purposefully, but lessening the impact.

@@bh8365 jimmy is quite envious of kurt's wit. but they work together to push patriarchal mores, so they're buds. it's really pathetic. imagine them saying the things they say about girls/women about *your daughter*, if you can't just care about female humans out of general goodwill.

There was no way zumo was going to be Josh, but it was, how brilliant and a crazy coincidence

its gunna be like the nintendo game where everyone insists link's name is zelda. except people will call kurt zumo

Amy Schumer Joke Stealing Compilation kzfaq.info/get/bejne/ast0q82pu9Kcg2Q.html Joe Rogan Argues Over Amy Schumer Joke Theft Accusations WITH Kurt Metzger kzfaq.info/get/bejne/mcWCdcuL1bDOZ4k.html

He just needs to make them funny.

Omg So glad I saw this. JW's will follow you even when you try to quit. I know from experience.

Sounds like 'Deshawntenae' was the REAL story teller.

Thanks to the theocratic ministry school

I literally said the same exact thing I was not even allowed to watch Star Wars because my parents said Demons will attach themselves and they will be brought our home

@@CuckooCulture we weren't allowed to watch Goosebumps for the same reason 🤣 frickin Goosebumps man

Yep. and the smurfs were little demons so no cute little blue characters either.

@@gracehaven5459 You laugh but the two talkin' puppet Goosebumps books scared me more than Chucky as a kid. I'm probably more scared of dolls than my mom and she had some ancient ones she swears moved lol

Looking at Hollywood from the outside, you think jw's are the bad guys? Ok........

So to my understanding there is like only 50,000 spots in heaven but it’s been around for like 100 years now. How do they know they have spots even left looool. Genuinely curious

144k dude get it right lol 😂🤙

@@goodstuffohhyeahyeah! You’ll never earn one of those highly coveted spots in heaven if you don’t even know how many there are.

Is that you DeShawntheny?

me too!

I was raised a Witness and still am one, but I can still laugh about it!

@@snu3877 You have a great sense of humor, and that is golden

@tylerx2f01 that's Eddie Murphy

@@heineken24oz What? Charlie Murphy was one Eddie Murphy's brother, he was on the Chappelle show among other things and has a series of stories he's told - mainly about Rick James

heineken24oz You should look up Dave Chapelle’s version of the story Charlie Murphy told him about playing a game of basketball with Prince..... Hilarious!

Really? i just finally clicked on this vid cause it kept popping up in my recommendations probably cause I watch Jimmy Dore. Don't get me wrong the dudes funny, but "the best comic alive"? That's a heavy title. What are some of his best bits or special you can point me to?

Mexicans got on boots..

Ali's is hilarious too

nah bro lol there's this amazing one about a bomb threat in sears it's hilarious

Francisco Rios Jim Brewer..Funny as hell too. All these are good though. A comedian telling a true story, You get the best of both worlds. We get a little insight as to their true character that's not really "An act" per se' but even more entertaining.. I guess because it's Truth.

sounds like Jason Nash's laugh

Cults tend to have their own vocabulary. A young boy (also a Witness) my mom used to babysit got a major spanking one day when his mom saw him use a stick like a gun. She beat him with a wooden spoon and shouted about how Jehovah didn't approve of violence. Because, you know, logic.

😂😂😂 every once in a while you'll have a scandal like that, my congregation had one like 4-5 years ago

@@titanoflight2930 what's it like to be a Jehovah's witnesses?

@@arteedeetoo3144 dull, boring and very sexuality frustrating also you kinda lowkey have to live with the constant fear that if get caught committing any sin you'll be shunned by everyone you've ever know. I think that pretty much sums it up for me 😂. Now if you have no such desires then its probably a very fulfilling life, generally the people you meet are good ones in terms of their moral character (yes there are some bad ones but any institution will have them) even with disputes generally they are solved quickly and in your time of need, from my experiences having lived in 2 countries, brothers will always unquestionably come to your aide. Because of the principals you're raised with mostly the kids will turn out alright in terms of avoiding drugs alchol and such vices as well as some criminal tendencies, conducts that some people struggle for years but can leave behind when they come into the congregation. That said it truly is a difficult life personally i don't see my self committing too it in the long run but i do understand the appeal it has for some people.

@@nadeen1111 bad timing. Better stay where you are. There is nothing good for you out here.

You were deep in it, so you didn't realize what a douchebag you were being while you were being one.

IDK why, but I can see that.

yep

It's in the eyes, it's all in those eyes 0_0

Too tall

Vault0 All you need is a belt. No height requirement needed.

I was raised in a strictct Christian family was all into it up until middle school when I started asking to many questions

... and thats where shit when sideways in the most epic of ways!

I was raised by the stop sign, no religion, I was getting saved by the glock 9

Pentecostals are my biggest fear. I accidentally attended a Pentecostal church as a teenager… I have never been more terrified in my LIFE! JW’s teach you that the speaking in tongues is demonic possession!!!!

What?

was he talking about a specific comedian or just making up a description?

GunslingingHavocHD yea CC gave his knife away

Ant from Channel 420 ~ me too! born & raised, beaten & molested- typical jw upbringing.

@@mymangobango65 really? what do you mean?

@@mymangobango65 sis yours got dark tho, i thought i had it bad

@@crosssection6289 2 witness rule look it up

I was also catching hints of the old rogan laugh hahahahaha

Joe Rogan interrupts Kurt Metzger far too much and spoils it. Kurt will be in the middle of saying something really funny off the cuff lots of times and then Joe blurts in. Really frustrating. The only good thing about Joe having Kurt on was that it introduced me to Kurt. I could see the guy was a genius comedian even being constantly interrupted and his flow halted half way through.

For real

spaceshipkhan they're awesome.

So is Ari Shaffir

They're like bonus content. Did I miss the memo about whining being cool? Because there sure are a lot of whiners on these videos about the intros.

Aru Srs Same thing every time? Nah. Seems to me they made a different intro for each episode. They have 3 or 4 guests, so if you watch the individual talks, you will see the same intro. You're watching free content, be grateful it is there and you have the ability to view it. If it's 1:30 of bullshit, then you know exactly where you can scrub to view the content you actually want. Or you can try to appreciate the work of others.

I like them, I think they're entertaining. 😁

What did you see?

Dakon The Messenger there are no JW’s in the comments. Just people who went to a building.

@@athens_1psvr31 does that include you? lol

@Athens_1 PSVR Must be a nice comforting lie that you tell yourself.

@@athens_1psvr31 no...I was a born in...my parents Flo and Vic Maynes experience was in the Watchtower...google it...left this horrible cult

Lol wow I don't think I've heard that legend now I'm curious

We werent suppose to watch the Smurfs because it had magic in it. My family was more liberal JWs so we ignored a lot of non sense. We had worldly friends, listened to all music and watched the Smurfs. Lol. We just never celebrated holidays.

Sylant Stevens Yes I have heard this story growing up going to the meetings with my parents. The story would go that a young girl had brought a Smurf doll to a nightly meeting along with her. The doll actually stood up and ran off on its own. Actually was thinking about this story a few weeks back, crazy to just see it now lol

I remember that story.

It never ceases to amaze me at the flat-out lies let the faithful tell each other. It's like they just don't get any of the magic from their books anymore and worried the little put other people off of accepting whatever deity, then they tell themselves they're doing god's work or something. When Kurt said the thing about pretending that Moses was watching you really felt the wait there I think. He didn't seem I was joking about it and looked a bit annoyed. I wonder just how much he didn't live life when he was younger because of oppressive concept like that. :-( I grew up religious too and still have moments that I don't feel comfortable with myself.

Hey Rodney! You have an awesome profile picture. I blew it up and I really like it and all the words. Kinda looks like Frank Ocean too which is dope. Take care!

Dan Ham thaaaaat's where I remember him from