You can never be sure about people as these beings change their hues with time. Be kind to all but never get too attached or expect them to prioritize you. “You can see a difference between people who care and people who pretend to care about you.

“The perfect person for you is single, available and in love with you.” Thank you so much for saying this!! I wish someone told me this 20 years ago

Ow, ick, ouch. 😣 This video hit home hard. Several years ago I was in a situationship with a former coworker and I had the limerence hard. I never told him how I really felt because I was always waiting for “the right time” and I placed him on a pedestal. Then of course he fell in love with someone else and got into a relationship. In retrospect I’m so embarrassed over how I acted, like the sweet, understanding, supportive friend who just wanted him to be happy when inside I was heartbroken. I even tried to be friends with his girlfriend. It was only through a ton of therapy and seeking out videos like yours and other sources that I was able to see how unhealthy my attitudes and behavior were, and how so many of my romantic decisions were based on codependency and people pleasing. It was a painful realization, but so worth knowing. Thank you for talking about this subject!

The cure for limerence is: SELF RESPECT

I’m a 23 year old girl and I’m in this situation. I just realized last week how much time I’m wasting thinking about our potential when she’s ALREADY TAKEN and she’s STRAIGHT. There is literally no potential, and even if she was available and into me as well I don’t think it would work as we make great friends but probably incompatible as partners. I’ve wasted so much time that I’ll never get back but I’m glad your video was recommended for me. It was definitely right on time.

I'm on the verge of being limerant with someone, and I needed this video.

I’ve been on both sides of this fence. I now avoid ‘friendships’ with guys who I know are interested in me when I’m not into them like that. I don’t like to cause people hurt but it’s such an uncomfortable position when you just want to be friends and you keep getting hints that the other person is always feeling that glimmer of hope in there being more. And you can sense their jealousy if you talk to other guys, even platonically.

emotional neglect + narcissistic abuse as a child is one hell of a drug. you seek out relationships that can "save" you from your abuser or the emotional wounds they caused- and if that person isn't a saviour, hey, just fantasize about them being a saviour. even if you don't truly love that person, you won't leave because you need the limerence to escape. you don't have to worry about developing your own personality with limerence- you just continue the same cycle you experienced with your narcissistic parent, attending to their needs and neglecting your own. you can't be hurt by a fantasy. to the traumatized brain it seems perfect, but it's so dysfunctional.

I have borderline personality disorder and CPTSD, and I’ve read that both manifest similarly. Perhaps the label doesn’t matter as much as two of the hallmark symptoms: emotional dysregulation and fear of abandonment. A BPD channel on KZfaq describes the hole that emotional neglect leaves in a person as “a hungry child who never got fed.” That’s what it can feel like when you’re obsessing over someone. You desperately want them to fill that hole because in the real world, no one ever does. And when someone doesn’t want you, it feels like the end of the world.

I stopped being emotionally available when my emotions were minimized, dismissed twisted and used against me.

When I was single, I had a limerence with someone from another and played "friend" and one day, 10 years later he contacted me, we did some sightseeing, since he was from out of town, but the limerence was shattered bc I did not like his character. What a waste of time spent in infatuation. Learned a lot from that though.

"It's like puncturing your own tyres every day" - bingo! I'm going to remember this.analogy.

The volunteering where she already volunteers feels like stalking to me. I am sure she picks up on the ‘in love’ vibes and when someone is not being honest about their intentions around you it translates as creepy. The internalised shame about having a crush is spot on. It’s better to just go and say “oh shit man, i’ve got a crush on you and i want to be honest about it so i can move beyond it or, if you fancy me too, maybe we can hang out some more”. Thank you for continuing to bring light to this, fairy. I love your visual of a ‘pyramid of love’ too where romantic love is like the ‘last’ love after all other loves are practised well. Great stuff on this channel.

Omg my neighbor, whom looks like Gollum from Lord of the rings, is this way with me. Drove my crazy and blocked me from all other available men by always being around me, tracking me, annoying me. I had to finally get mean and told him to leave me alone. So pathetic. So if I ever feel that way about another, I'm reminded exactly how it feels to be that person. Lesson learned.

I haven’t watched this yet but I feel CALLED TF OUT 😭

Thing is there's a big discrepancy between the love story that I idealize in my dreams and the love stories in reality. What I dream Is very powerful, beautiful, intense, passionate, romantic, fantastic. What It is in reality, like you, in part, also said, Is full of up and downs, disappointments, neglects, manipulations, opportunism, deceiving, betrayals, incomprehnsions and so on. So, until I find someone who shows me quality, until I find someone who really loves me, until I find someone who craves for me, I'll probably keep on dreaming. Simply because I've learnt to live alone, and if there's nobody out there who Is providing me more than I have, I'm not gonna share my life with anybody.

SO wise. I know I was trying to date (OLD) at one point and they all treated me like dirt. I had an epiphany luckily and thought I'm going to focus on improving my relationship with my kids. They were 10 and 7 and I had been acting like I was worn out by them. I made life simpler. Stopped dating. My eldest is 19 now. I did have one good relationship never lived with him though. It is over now because he drinks more than I'm comfortable with. But that's it for me now. I'm ok on my own and luckily I had the epiphany not to LOOK for love when my daughter was there really needing me to be available to her. So grateful i directed the focus back on to my kids before it was too late.

Being single does not equal to loneliness. Omg do whatever you want, you need no one else. No crap fitting.

My 8-year absolutely horrid limerance experience taught me so much about myself and in hindsight, changed my path and saved my life. It was terrible to live through, but I’m now so grateful for what it taught me.

Long, dormant memory came up. I was 18, and a freshman in college; she was 21 and a senior. We worked together. She was really in to me and said often how cute I was when I turned red, which was often when she was nice to me. After a few months, she came up to me and put her arms around me. I pushed her away while trying to be polite. I wasn't into her because she was so needy. She had that limerent look in her eyes. I regret that moment. She was so good to me. We went our separate ways, and I never saw her again, but I wondered if she would have been a good fit for me. I wonder if my "politeness" was a signal to her that I felt the same way. But it was how I was raised. Other guys were mean to girls they weren't attracted to or "into". They could be cruel. I treated all girls the same whether I was attracted to them or not.

I was in love with a friend of mine for three years. At the end, i was so done with all the pain and circles i finally had the courage to let go. It was the toughest decision of my life but i have no regrets, it was brave, it was everything i needed. I wish i did that sooner.

emotional unavailability is a form of emotional violence towards others, especially if the others are children.

Thank you for stepping up for the kids! I feel like this letter describes how to raise children to be limerent...one of the difficult things healing my childhood abandonment is that my parents gave all their love to others. They neglected us to love someone else. and you are made to feel terrible bringing it up! you internalize it as you are neither good enough or terrible enough for their love.....if you are good, someone else needs them. if you are terrible, how ungrateful you are and you are rejected in your need...so you stand nearby, but never interact, if you interact they leave, so you are only allowed to look but never touch, leading to a vulnerability to limerence because of unworthiness. Kids are always learning, what are you teaching the by never being home?

Ive been retired two years now, Jim, so I have a lot of time on my hands. Good thing, in some ways, but not so good in other ways. Busyness of adult responsibilities keeps internal pain in a nice, tight box, where the key is hidden (until now). Pick up that key, Jim, hands shaking, and open those boxes Jim, your childhood homelife dynamics really hits home for me. It was hard to hear your heart, through Anna, especially a lack of loving displays all children yearn for and rightly need. When my father wrote me a letter, when I was 35, and said he loved me, I broke down and cried. It was the first time. His generation and family just didn't do it. Furthermore, where my mother needed me to be her emotional support really is a gut punch. I was always intuitive and intelligent, so we could have adult conversations even though I was a teenager. Jim, hope you find healing and real love not the limerence pie crust of fantasy. The pie filling is so much better, though messy at times, than a stale pie crust

That's absolutely manipulating, to pretend beeing a friend.

It's highly unlikely that I'll find love due to several factors ( Traumatic Brain Injury,Disability,CPTSD,Anxiety,Depression etc)... But I have accepted this and my Hobby of Model Car Building helps fill the void in a way...

This was me throughout my twenties. Did it a few times.

I sadly was on the receiving end of limerence and DID eventually concede to being in a relationship with this man. I became quite fond of him and attached. This took 10 years of my life and in the end he left me! He did the whole line in the beginning that he would rather be my friend than nothing and I was so in desperate need of a good friend that I allowed this....though I must emphasize how hard he pushed to be in my life. I've never experienced anything like it. I am just as much to blame for this situation as he is, but in the end, I am the one who suffered more. He happily left me when it suited him and as far as I know he is blissfully in a wonderful new relationship living his dream life...much of which I supported him into getting. So, beware of people demonstrating limerence towards you as well. Walk away. This is not love and cannot be trusted when the person comes out of it

The growth part is to gracefully handle it when somebody says no.

I don't pretend to be a friend to be with someone. For me I'm an actual friend, but I might develop feelings. My idea of a perfect partner has always been someone who was my best friend. Is this not the goal? If not, maybe that's why so many relationships fall apart?

This happened to me but the other way around. A guy in a former friend group asked me on a date and I told him I wasn't interested. I still saw him because we were in the same friend group. Everytime we had a friend outting he drove and everyone would nominate me for the front seat so I would sit next to him. It was so uncomfortable but I continued to stay in the friend group. Soon this guy was asking if he could help with things, asking me to get coffee, going to dinner even. I always said yes because we had established a friendship by then through getting to know each other in friend group. I was still not interested in him romantically, we wanted 2 different things in life. He wants kid and I don't. One day he tried to convince me that I did want kids or would one day. I thought it was very odd. I started to try and distance myself from him and felt so guilty. I felt like I had to be with him even though the feelings weren't there. He's been soo nice and always there for me. I even thought that if I didn't give him a chance I would never find anyone in this lifetime. I started saying yes to going out with him when I wanted to say no. I started being very passive aggressive towards him because I didn't know how to react. I just wanted to be so mean that he would stop coming around. The more mean and aggressive I got, the more he called and wanted to be around. Finally it got so bad I had intense insomnia. It felt like a spiritual attack in my sleep. I was so delirious I thought he was my twin flame. I was mad about it too. I didn't want him to be my tf. I didn't want a relationship at all at that point. I was busy healing myself. I ended up at my breaking point and told him I couldn't be friends with him. He didn't take me seriously so I got angry and told him not to call. I told him I would reach out to him when I'm ready. That was about 3.5 years ago and I still don't have a desire to talk to him. I feel like our friendship was based on manipulation and covert contracts. I forgot to mention he continuously bought me gifts and he used that to keep me hooked. I am convinced that witchcraft was used to keep us in a karmic loop because what I went through felt demonic. I'm so blessed to have found my way out and into healthier connections.

Your limerence series is amazing!! So insightful! ❄️❄️❄️

I fell for a guy at work who was having problems in his marriage....I was maŕried too but my husband wanted kids desperately and I didn't....I am adopted and my " mother " never showed me any affection, she had a natural child 5 years after adopting me and from that day on I didn't exist....I loved my "dad" at the time but have since realised that he was an enabler for my "mothers " emotional abuse and never showed me any real love either...I came to realise that I had developed feelings for the guy at work because he was 13 years older than me and that what I was really looking for was a father figure....I tried to end the relationship but he pursued me relentlessly even after I moved jobs....after more than a decade I had a full blown relationship with him and would still be with him if he had not passed away...I look back on the relationship and realise that it was just my obsession with finding someone to take care of me that was so attractive....to anyone who thinks they are truly in love who has not had a parental bond I would say be very careful that you are not just trying to "fill a hole" as I was....much as I loved the guy I was with I was not with him for the right reasons....he was good to me but there was always something missing....

This could be me just without an ex wife or kids. Same age. Similar situation with someone at work who is younger and getting married. Wild. The only thing is I'm REALLY good at hiding my feelings. I always joke that people are my super power. I have built the "friendship" as such that she will often approach me to talk for long periods and we have even talked about some quite personal things involving our families. It wasn't until I noticed how "high" I was after these conversations or how "low" I would be if our last interaction didn't go exactly the way I hoped. A few months in I started noticing how irrational some of my thought patterns were. If she left a room with out looking back or didn't pay me much attention in a group I would feel sick all night. I finally started researching what the hell was going on with me. I learned about limerence. It makes sense now. What more intense than a crush. I just hope I can find my way out of this. Thank you for the video!

Serious question: what if 6 years into my limerance (for what it’s worth we both have been single all this time) I’ve simple accepted the fact that it’s the way it’s been and most likely will be until one day I find out he found someone else. It’s the fantasy that keeps my otherwise boring life somewhat worthwhile. The greater context is that as a woman of a certain age meaning close to retirement, there really isn’t that much to look forward to Really. I find myself planning more for when I’m gone in terms of financial responsibilities and loved one, such as wills, I even bought a plot at a cemetery so my loved ones don’t have to worry about it when I’m gone. What I’m trying to say is what’s the harm in living in limerance when there’s really not much left for me. I stopped holding out for some great love of my life because statistically it just doesn’t happen for women my age. Am I delusional? I don’t think so. I have no expectations of this man at this point. He’s a loner, probably dates here and there but doesn’t share much about it. He could be autistic too but that’s just my own assumption. Anyway, I am comfortable in this state and it’s more like radical acceptance that he will never choose me. And yet we speak every few months and I’m a strange unexplainable way it satisfies me. We’re basically friends? Please make a video about my individual situation.

Wow- I’ve never heard of limerence, and wish I’d seen this video years ago. There’s a “payoff” to the safety crush bubble, but ultimately it’s painful. I’ve moved on from a long-time crush, and this validates why. Also, I ended up on the other end of limerence (perhaps), and bec I’d felt used in my situ, I decided to set boundaries & not lead this crushing guy on. Well, talk about not handling it with Grace. He’s been carrying on & on for months. I know these people from recovery circles. As you mentioned, I felt that creepy deceit of the “who me?” nice guy that uses friendship as an inroad to connection, but it feels icky on a gut level. Guys like this gaslight, as they decoy irrefutable “kindness” to manipulate & control to their will. It’s so triggering, esp dealing with patriarchal men, bec I want to see what I see, feel how I feel, know what I know. I get in the fishing nets of slippery, tricky people like this who deny my feelings to suit theirs & I need to better steer clear. I’m waking up to this.

Sometimes, these videos have my name on them

Lol I'm 32 and this is all I've ever had. I just keep men in my life as friends who I would date to try to get my needs as best as I can. I do not feel bad about this. At all. The alternative is to have absolutely no men in my life and whither from the absence of masculine energy around me. I'm a good friend to them. No one is losing anything. As for why I do this, no one who I've found attractive has ever been attracted to me. C'est la vie!

This was me but I actually dated the person and the obsession never ended so it really wasn't any better 😩 just made the obsession stronger

Pretending to be someone's friend. I'm familar with that concept. My brother, his twin sister, my mom, and dad were discussing why they should have dinner with the neighbors who invited us. The women think they should go, the guys don't want to, because they don't like the dad and son. The women say, "If they invite us to dinner, we should go, because they were nice and it's rude for us to decline for no reason." Dad says, "Fine, but it's just as rude to pretend to be friends with someone." Bro says, "Which is why I don't pretend to be friends with their son at school." Phttt! Yeah! _That's_ why you're not friends with him. Because it would be rude if you chatted or hung out with him but didn't really want to be friends with him. Politeness goes first, even if he isn't aware of the true situation. Next up, he'll be telling a teacher our dog ate his homework.

I have discovered that I am finally cured from limerence. Moving one

The song reminds me of the movie 500 days of summer… On the first roll through you think she is madly in love with him. Then when he revisits those moments realized she had already checked out.

Really a Fairy. Drives home Direct answers with a proper explanation. And Crystalises the experience of others so they can digest it better and even spoon feeds the lesson. Glad I came across your channel.

I was looking for an answer why my ex chose his old FWB turned BFF over a stable long term relationship with me (whom he claimed he loved me with whole heart). This is my answer. It's not me not enough for him. It's his limerance made him emotional attached to someone else, rather than with a loving and available partner. I thought I was not enough and it gave me troumendous pain post breakup. I'm letting go now as i saw my own value didn't change at all and continues to be validated by myself and others. Thank you.

If someone did this to you, you’d feel violated.

What about when someone goes out of his way to try to make you limerent on him? That’s what happened to me. A work situation where I avoided this guy like the plague because he was sending mixed signals. Then he came on very strongly and asked me out and then it was he was all in one second, all out the next. Until he knew he had me hooked and then he ignored me. And came crawling back when I’d say I couldn’t handle this. I know I have an attraction to narcissists because you seek out what you know and I grew up with two of them. But how do you handle a situation like this where the person tricked you into feeling this way by sensing your low self-esteem and then started terrible mind games? Yes, I know what’s going on here but narcissists are very tricky and confusing and getting out of such a situation is hellish because your child deprived mind craves their toxic energy and attention.

As a fearful avoidant I tried to be friends with my LO for a year and a half, finally sent a goodbye message and walked away. Full of shame.

So timely. I know I have a habit of limerence, but this is the first time that maybe the other person is kind of in the same boat. I spent years feeling "into" a man at work, who went over-the-top to keep himself present in my life, but he was just evasive *enough* to make it not a romantic situation. However, after about 3 years, I was finally ready to ask, hey, you want to do something outside of work. He literally ran away from my question (which was far from his normal behavior - always present) and came back to say he "wouldn't be comfortable". I accepted that, but I also asked for distance. He insisted we be friends and 'best buddies' and I really balked at that, but also didn't want to be "mean". Eventually, less than 7 months later, he left the workplace (not related to me, as we were still very interactive - mostly due to him, still). I let him go and never contacted him the second he walked out. He was silent for 3 weeks, then sent me a gift and insisted we were still best buddies. Again, I fell into the fantasy of being cared for. He has kept his insistence on staying in my life even though I have tried on a couple of separate occasions to say this isn't working for me. I even have brought up the dysfunction for me and he just will not accept no for an answer. But he doesn't want more. It's so weird and I hate this state of weird connection. I care about him, he knows it, he says he cares about me, but he is very emotionally unavailable but will not walk away. Yes, I could block him, but that seems so inhumane and not my style. I do not like to be hurtful to anyone. But at the same time I'm hurting myself. I'm kind of happy to hear about a story from a man, because I believed I was just a fantasy-laden childish woman. Not thinking men could/would have the same issues.

God, this hurt. I had to focus on breath work through this entire video. I had to face it. I'm pretty embarrassed by my own behavior. The shame of the other person probably thinking I'm creepy is really weighing on me. I guess today is a new day. A day to try to do things differently. To let go of the shame of past choices and move on.

Oof, another timely video. Got it. Focusing on reality.

Grand rising, Miss!

She would have saved him a lot of grief by saying the first time they met "Sorry but I have a Boyfriend, Fiance etc.."

So yes… I am limerent for someone… I’ve told them and they like me too, but due to their circumstances have chosen not to accept my romantic offer. We agreed to be good friends. And yes, I still feel that way about them, not quite as all-consuming as before but it’s definitely still there. It’s bittersweet, lovely and agonizing. I recognize that it is an escape from my reality as well - but also I am polyamorous and currently in a stable relationship with my partner as well. So… I’m not alone. I have shared these struggles with my partner and they understand. I feel like I’m in a very different place than I used to be … where I was always hopeless limerent from someone, and painfully ashamed of it, could never imagine admitting to it, and desperately lonely as well.

How I got over my limerence was to just ask and get rejected (she’s not interested in me romantically) 😅 I’m not saying this will work in all scenarios, but I think it might be worth giving it a shot if you’re both single. It was quickest way for me to shatter my delusions about us 😅

This video came at exactly the right time for me. I’m in a similar situation with a coworker

This guy's childhood sounds identical to mine regarding no affection, minus the siblings. And his limerence. Thank you Anna.

sooooo good! real! honest! and from a woman who has received this type of attention, thank you!!

Incredible channel and woman helping people wake up from their own delusion ❤

Wow Fairy, what a great video. And what a deep issue!!! There are so many layers to it but I would guess that just about every adult who experienced emotional neglect or a parent who wasn't a part of their life has been through this. I know that I certainly have! What has been helping me to make sense of the patterns and cycles in my life, that have been going on for decades, has been to really look deeply at them and try to understand them. It has been so healing for me. It's an ongoing process, and it can be so painful to look at, but I see the changes happening within me. It took me so long to finally get to this point and I'm so thankful to be here.

I’m not a parent but I can relate a lot. I just wish cutting off contact would turn off the feelings. I’ve had these feelings for 6 years and nothing I do makes them go away. Logically I know that’s ridiculous but emotionally my feelings just don’t go away. Thanks CPTSD 😭💔

This hit home for me too, and I loved the way you went through it. When I meet people who I feel attracted to, I try to enjoy the experience and not have expectations. Depending on how the situation is or how much feelings you have, it can be tricky. But like you said, “Earth is a good place to be,” where we can be grounded and connected to truth, peace, and awareness. ❤

You’re so incredible at what you do.

This video helped me sooo much when I first watched it. Posting this again was a good reminder to stay in reality and express myself so I don’t go back into fantasy.

I'm extremely close to being limerent for a friend in my friend group and wish to never go through that pain again. I've been keeping busy to distract myself from thinking about him, even trying to find ways to move countries so that I don't fall deeper, but it's been exhausting as its required lots of mental and emotional energy to shift my thoughts on the daily. I don't have money for therapy at the moment but I desperately need daily advice and practices to heal the emotional neglect wound I carry so that I don't become limerent again.

Great video!

Girl!! You Always know what to say. Thank you!!!😁

This is mean, some people really need a friend.

Excellent video, thank you!

what a heartfelt letter, Jim seems to understand how his childhood emotional deficits influences his adult emotional life. I've suffered from limerence several times in my life. In all cases the LO was completely unsuitable for a satisfying relationship. They were either much younger, already in a long term relationship, far too handsome or their lifestyle and personality were completely unsuited to mine.

Thankful for you and your work

Within about 10 seconds in to the video i was like "woah, this person is about to describe exactly how i feel and everything i've gone through over the last couple of years" Something i wasn't even sure anyone else has gone through, never seen anyone talk about it before or even mention it. I was beginning to think i was crazy and dysfunctional. I'd like to think i'm through the worst of it now. I've understood and accepted things for what they really are, I've been honest with myself and those involved. Now life is moving on past that line in the sand and i still managed to keep that great friendship and i'm somewhat guilt free now so i would consider that a win. I was just about to start a drive home looking to put a youtube video on in the background and i randomly decided to type "being in love with a friend" just to see what would come up, and this was the top video. It caught me by surprise seeing it all laid out on a plate with a label and everything and i was just so unaware. my one bit of advice for anyone facing a similar issue would be to "be honest with yourself". You'll never be able to break the cycle if you can't face up to reality and what's good for you.

I feel tremendous guilt and shame for behaving this way between the ages of 15 and 20. When I try to parse through the gross feelings, I get one thinking about the way I positioned myself as a good friend to a person who wasn’t interested in me who I very much wanted to date, for years and years… I know I was young, but it physically hurts to think about. I ended up actually dating the person for six months… It was a terrible relationship! Go figure. I never even paid attention to who he was as a person, or if we worked well together in reality.

Thank you!

Thanks for video 🙏 it is very enlightening for today's youngsters. Please, tell about what is your take on law of attraction?🙏

I don't drink alcohol I am a bartender. I was basically my mom's "emotional caretaker" when I was a kid. I didn't have many friends. I was always with her listening to her problems. She is an alcoholic. "Hid my emotions and needs" that completely resonated with me. That is probably my main issue I'm having

This really helped me. In my situation, I think the guy was interested in me but I could never work up the courage to ask him out - he also has some childhood trauma that I know of, and is very shy, so never tends to make the first move either. It's been like this for a year now, and I still don't know whether to tell him how I feel or not, or if I should just move on. I said some hurtful things to him a few months ago, which doesn't help, as now I don't think he has the same feelings as before. But I still want to at least make my own feelings known. Also struggling to know if it's a crush, or limerance. It's confusing!

I like your videos..... wished I saw them last year when I could have saved my relationship

Couldn't have found this video at a better/worse time. I'm currently limerent for a straight guy who is a friend of mine. Feelings started early on in our friendship, but I hated the feeling so much because I wanted so badly to be friends. Went on for a summer until a friend of mine that HE was limerent over convinced us to drop him. I reached back out to him later on and thought I was over it, but some feelings returned and now I'm spiraling. Only a few people know about how I feel but everyone thinks it's over. I find myself talking to him when I shouldn't and I have to move on.

I really need to hear all this for a reality check bc it is wayyy too easy to keep feeding the fantasy !

Having the hobby of Model Car Building helps me with my Limerence issues .. Keeps the brain limber ...

The age of the Eremocene... It will crush us. "Do not pretend to be someone's friend..." CRUSHED, I tell you 😖

Might as well face it, you're addicted to... limerence.

Uff, I'm in a situation like this right now. And it's actually like a drug. If I keep away for a couple of days (abstinence) I can see clearly that it's not good for me, but when I'm in it, I completely loose my compas.

Been there done that... IT SUCKS!!

Story of my life 😣😫

How he says that she is the one looking foe . Perfect person , qualities..

Its scary its like she knows what im thinking and doing

This is me now 😢I got a reference to a good psychologist from a friend but don’t know how to explain this to the therapist 🤯 any advice is appreciated and thanks for the help and videos ❤

I hate that I know from experience exactly what this is like 💔💔💔

I think that's incredibly selfish, because they don't want friendship. And the friendship they're offering is not inconditional. There's always some kind of manipulation.... and hope for them to change

I've tried - and failed - to keep a limerent object in my life through an attempt at friendship. I actually went into the situation wanting to become friends but limerent feelings got in the way. My fervent hope was that because of the person's uniqueness I could in time work through and get over the limerent feelings and develop a genuine, healthy friendship. However, my neediness doomed that scenario and I ended up with nothing.

My parents were too overwhelmed to be emotionally available. 6 kids, always moving due to Dad's job, always a baby. Raised Catholic. Ive forgiven them but I havent been able to have a healthy relationship or get married. I feel uncapable of it I have low self esteem. I always felt like everything I said and did was wrong because my mom was critical of me. I still feel that way a lot. 🤷‍♀️ There was a guy that contacted me a year ago to go out for coffee but I turned him down. I think he is dating someone-- not sure. Now I feel like I missed out and should have given him a chance. Should I try to find out for sure if he is dating someone so I stop obsessing about him ?

Ow, ick, OUCH is right. But the Fairy is wising me up, thank Heaven. I'm trying to be a friend to someone I'm crushing on and panicked when he acted as if HE'S infatuated with me, even more than I am with him. AND he's in a committed relationship with someone else. It's too complicated, and I'm not certain what to do.

Before I discovered Limerence from the crappy child hood fairy I learned a few things .. it’s not love if it’s not returned & the way to deal with that pain was to distance yourself from that other person , so I did , after 20 - 25 years of seeing my love obsession ( friend ) have relationships time and time again .. always being the 5th wheel or the emotional support .. I came to a point where I wanted to jump or a cliff to end the pain and loneliness , a week later a puppy found his way into my life these days we’re still friends , but Limerence is over .. I even fell into it again with another woman after my dog died , she’s married now .. after an early morning messenger exchange we don’t talk anymore , but she’s still an amazing woman and hasn’t blocked me . Knowing what and why Limerence effects me has given me new hope and understanding in why I’m single and live alone .

Man... fantasy people are so much better than real people, tho 😭

Yes. and I let almost everyone-even my social crowd.- go.

Maybe he's busy so he doesn't think about the loneliness he's feeling??

Kinda stalking? Im sure her bones chilled when he showed up to her job. No offense Jim Im rooting for you but that was a no no. Also thank god this girl was engaged cause you could hear this man was in this for the long haul. He'd be her friend for a decade. At the very least, maybe he'll give his kids more time and that would be a HUGE win overall.

Awesome how you broke down this letter..great response!

Ya , doesn’t end well . Um , the one sided , relationship never does and you can’t make them love you . Makes my heart sick to tell you of my experience . I’m currently married to some one who did not tell me , NO when I asked . I’m stuck . There is no way I’m going to get out of this , without loosing a bit more than half my life to her .