I wouldn’t consider myself a death doula but in some ways I acted as one for my grandmother. She was always my best friend and biggest supporter throughout my life and it was only natural to make sure she had everything she needed before making her transition to the afterlife. I took her for all doctors appointments, grocery shopping, and our favorite outings; plantation tours. Her death on New Year’s Eve 2012 affected me more than I ever expected. I was with her as she took her last breath and made all of her funeral arrangements from her coffin, flowers, service and even the clothes she would wear. It left me with an empty void that I eventually filled with taking care of my fiancé’s grandmother (one of my grandmas best friend) until her passing.

The death of my grandfather changed me forever. It was my first experience with death, it still affects me almost 20 years later.

WOW... great prizes! Good luck to the Death Doula’s and thank you for what you do. 💕

I love the beginners guide to the end. Read it while I was studying with going with grace

I just wanted to say I’ve wanted to be in this profession since I was a young girl. At 19 life kinda took a turn and I became a mom I thought that dream was gone. You and grave woman inspired me to go to school and figure it out because it’s something I love ❤️ thank you for all that you guys do!

So as a kid I had a very unhealthy fear of death, like since age 2 or 3. Of course I did not know the word death but was scared of falling asleep and never waking up. I was also one of those creepy kids who had premonitions and would tell my parents not to leave the house for their date night, getting so worked up that I would vomit, then suddenly I would tell them okay it is safe now. Often times when this happened they would pass a wreck that had just happened. They found me very creepy but learned to trust my instinct. As I got older my siblings would tease me about cemeteries and dead bodies scaring me even more of death. I hated cemeteries, did not like hospital elevators (especially if they had doors on both ends of the elevator) and funeral homes gave me the creeps all thanks to my sister and brother. My fear of death was not helped when my grandmother died. It was 2 weeks before my 12th birthday. I did not want to go to the funeral, the woman never liked me and truth be told I never liked her. My mom tried to convince me to touch her so that I could "properly" say goodbye and begin my healing from her death. Well there was nothing to heal from because I never bonded with this woman and had only met her about a dozen times in my life. My mom then grabbed my hand forcing me to touch my grandmother's hand. I immediately noped right out of the funeral home and refused to go back in during the visitation. My mom was angry and tried to storm out after me but the funeral director and my dad stopped her. They told her I was right outside, it was a small town, and I would be fine. Following my grandma's burial I decided I was never setting foot inside a funeral home or a cemetery ever again! Fast forward to my early 20s and I became a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) in a nursing home. I loved working with the elderly but feared one thing still, death/dead bodies. But I knew one day I would have to confront that fear. I got lucky the first 6 months or so and did not have to deal with any death. One night I got to work and my patient John S. told me he was going to be going to visit his wife in 3 days. I said okay John, I thought he had forgot she was already deceased. The next night I came into work and he told me 2 more days until I get to see my wife. I asked John if he remembered where his wife was at the moment and he said, "Yes, in heaven waiting on me!" I just nodded my head. This man was the kindest, sweetest soul I had ever met. I really liked caring for him and was a little worried about his mental health. He had very few medical problems, needed very little assistance, he just didn't have anyone who could take care of him at home. He still had kids and grandkids, who visited nearly everyday, but his kids were unable to lift him if necessary and grandkids were busy with jobs and kids to take care of him at their home. Next night I come to work and John is excited, like a kid on Christmas Eve he could hardly wait for the next day for him to go see his wife. I reminded him his wife was in heaven, he told me he couldn't wait to get there and see it for all of its glory. I helped him to bed and didn't think much more about it until 3am. He rang his call bell and that was very unusual for him, I rushed in his room, and he excitedly asked if he could get up to get ready. He had a very important date and wanted to look his best! I explained it was too early to get up and to try and get some more sleep. He rang his call bell a couple more times over the next hour. I finally gave in and told him I would go ask the nurse if I could get him up. She initially told me no but I asked her what the harm was and she told me fine but you will have to put him back to bed before you leave at 7am. I went back to John's room, selected the clothes he wanted from his closet, laid them on his bed, helped him get from his bed to his wheelchair, and then left him to get dressed. He got dressed then asked for some help to get into the bathroom. I helped him get into the bathroom and then get back out when he was done. He was just so excited every time I checked in on him. He shaved his face and then was brushing his teeth. The next time I came back to check on him he was gone. He had just started to brush his top dentures, bottoms were already done and back in his mouth. I went ahead and brushed his top dentures to make sure they were nice and clean as he wanted them to be and placed them in a dentire cup.. I then got him back into his bed with some assistance from the nurse. Preformed the after care on him, changed his underwear and pants, then put his dentures in for the funeral home but also because his family was going to stop in soon to say some quick goodbyes before we called the funeral home. I am so glad that the first patient that died during my shift was him. We were very close and he treated me like a granddaughter. He gave me warnings that he was going to die, with a 3 day countdown! He was excited for the next step of life, death and what awaited him in the afterlife. It was just a sweet story to be a part of and it made me way more comfortable with the dying process and released my fear of dead bodies. Within a year it seemed like patients would wait to die on my shifts, families would always say they were glad I was there for their loved one and them. I have held the hands of the dying and also of their families. I stopped being a CNA 19 years ago but still missed taking care of dying patients. I had thought of going to mortuary school 17 years ago and had an opportunity for the VA to pay for it but my first husband said he would never touch me again if I became a mortician. I should have done it anyways because I ended up divorcing him later. Best part of my story is where I work now! I am the superintendent of a non-profit cemetery. So, I still ended up in death care! I guess my destiny has always been to help the families who have lost their loved ones. I love my job!!!! (My photo is actually of the gazebo at the cemetery where I work!) As I am not a death doula please do not include me in this drawing for the prize but if you have a cemetery caretaker giveaway later I will enter that one. I just thought my experience and John's death was worthy of sharing.

The death that impacted me most was my grandmother. Her death lead me toward what I envision for others. I played the guitar at her funeral. I told myself I wouldn’t cry and bawled. I’d also say my mother in law since I never realized how impactful it was to have the list of things to do at an african American funeral and the songs. She preached at so many funerals

Paul, my husband of 41 years, passed away in 2021, August.He had Azeihmer's andI was his primary caregiver .I reallythought he had longerto live, so when he went into the end& we brought in hospice, for his last 2 weeks.....Well, his death threw me for aloop!!

Greetings, As I mentioned on the grave woman. I'm a Certified Death Doula, the death that has affected me was the lost of my child. My fur baby Peanut~Butta died at the tender age of 10. She was diagnosed with cancer and an inoperable location. It will be two years this June. She is always with me spiritually.

Would love maybe a video in future with the death doulas on what’s in my bag

My niece Bree Sadira Rose has peaked my interest in the subject of death in general. She is a death doula and has sparked my curiosity in all the different options people have in paying respect to the death process and paying respect to our loved ones who are taking that journey. My mom and dad, Clayton and Kayla Gabbert, death"s have been the hardest things for me. We have always been really close and I miss them everyday. O do believe we will be together again but it's hard trying to get through events that come along and they aren't there. Happy birthday. I love watching your videos and by the way my birthday is March 8. 💜

Love the video, ladies. I've been following you for a while Lauren, I recently found Joél on Instagram and have just purchased her course which I found really interesting. I am not a death doula, although I think that's an awesome job role and I'm so glad that people dedicated themselves to helping families in their final moments. I am a trainee embalmer and funeral director at present. A death which has affected me a lot was my cousin's suicide in lockdown. It came as a real shock to our entire family and I felt deeply sad and guilty for a long time that I didn't know how much he was struggling. The healing for me has been helping my auntie, his mum, to cope with the aftermath and to help soothe her own guilt. She is still grieving deeply but it helps me to know that she knows I'm there every day by text or phone to comfort her and be there as a shoulder to cry on. Love what you both do :-) 💕🥰🌹

The death that affected me greatly was the death of my beat friend/brother, George. He passed away 7/14/18. I helped care for him and was there when he took his last breath. I am still struggling with his death on a daily basis. He was only 38 years old. I miss him everyday. 😭

Who’s death has greatly affected you? A death that affected has greatly affected me , would probably have to be the death of my grandmother when I was 17. I was her caretaker for 3 years when my dad moved away, I took her to appointments, brought her groceries, and took her to bingo every Thursday night of the week. Until one week I came back from a holiday, she had passed away while I was gone, it was only 5 days. I had brought her groceries before I left, and called and asked if there was anything she needed before leaving. When I let myself into her house, I found her on the floor, she has passed away the night I left. She had been there awhile, it haunted me, and not in the fact that it was a dead body. But the guilt ate me alive for a very long time, I felt like I let her down, and like it was my fault. It taught me to treasure every moment with your loved ones no matter how big or small.

Hi Lauren! I have a question for you that maybe other people might have? I live in Syracuse New York so I know that we probably have the same rules and laws that you have in Buffalo or very similar. My dad died in February 2006, at the age of 55 and was buried at the Onondaga county veterans cemetery. My mom put her name on the grave stone as well thinking that she would die sooner than later As most people do in that kind of grief. Over time she has fallen in love and gotten married to another veteran. She now wants to be cremated when her time comes. My question is would we be able to burry some of her cremated remains at my dads grave site with him and keeps him with us. I don’t know that we would put her date of death on my dad’s stone which has her name already on it if her husband is still alive. I hope this makes sense. Have a great day