"I look like I'm the most bored person there." Haha yup! My classmates are like "You looked SO bored today in class."

I really wish I had seen this video when I was in school, it would have made life so much easier for me.

omg classrooms... It's my worse nightmare.

Your perspective is universal when 25 years and half a world apart you tell the same story.

Thank you so much for posting this video. Your description of your "odd" way of choosing a seat in a classroom made perfect sense to me as I used to do the exact same thing.

Have the exact same problem. I really do not care about any of my classmates, I'm not there to make friends, I'm there to learn, and I remember the stuff teachers say. No discipline what so ever so I'm struggling through school.. I succeed on pure intelligence and memory... When it comes to homework and assigments.. I'm f**ked

I think this is a very good video and addresses so many feelings our grandson has from needing to sit in a specific place, being forced to "share" because its what normal people do. The teacher finds it so odd he has to have his own space with his things and that he doesn't like others to touch them because he may need them. I think I will approach his teacher next year before school starts and find the location he might be most comfortable in the room. He also learns at home better one on one.

My stance is that you should do whatever you can. It's good to push yourself a little when you feel ready, but if you're going through a rough time, especially if stressed or depressed, you should just take it easy and focus on getting better. There's no such thing as "too little", but very definitely such a thing as "too much", when it comes to this.

Hope your "crazy life" settles down soon and everything works out for you beautiful! X

thank you Mia for the great advice. you are great!

I was exactly the same way in school... and I never did homework. lol I would put my head down in class to concentrate. A lot of my teachers thought I was sleeping, but whenever they would try to wake me up and shame me by asking a question, I'd know the answer... so eventually a lot of them just let me keep my head down.

I'm 43 and from Sweden. Shure would have needed your advice and insight 20 years ago or more. Keep up your inspiring work!

By far the more descriptive video of my actual situation (maybe also those about your early years in primary school) in college (engineering school/university), I knew that I have Asperger (besides, GAD a little of "borderline", too) until a couple of years (or more) and then I'm telling just the enough information about my issues to all the teachers at the beginning of each lesson and it has shown some positive results. Thanks for your time to make these videos, they have been very helpful.

Thanks for this video. I sometimes instruct classrooms at the undergraduate level and have noticed how crucial these steps are between the student and instructor. It is pretty much a relief when I can help a student accomodate something. Thx for the insight!

Tack så mycket för den här videon! Jag går på musikgymnasiet i Sverige och där finns så många jobbiga människor! De. pratar. hela. jävla. tiden.

About meds.. I only been on anti-depressives for one year, and no other meds ever. I guess I feel that I made it through my childhood without it, so I can make it through anything else without, too. My whole thing with meds is, I only want whatever is necessary, so if I can cope and deal with a problem by myself, using my own mind, the strength I have in myself, then that's how I want to do it. If I feel meds are necessary, however, I will take them.

this video is pretty long, but totally worth it. I am in awe of you that you are brave enough to have such conversations with your teachers. scary!

Hi I'm going to have to watch the rest of this video later tonite but I just wanted to say a big thankyou for doing these videos, I've watched most of them since I discovered you recently. I only found out 8 months ago that I have aspergers, luckily for me personally I don't have any other conditions and ever since I found out and understood myself I'm a lot happier and more confident and I can finally just be me instead of trying to be who I thought I was supposed to be! Your videos are great!

Thanks for sharing this. I learnt a lot. Very enlightening.

This is a great video. If I get diagnosed, I'll have to have conversations like this. Thanks for the advice.

Excellent video; thanks for making and sharing! Don't apologize for the length. That "introduction" thing in the Danish schools sounds like hell! Never had anything like that in the USA schools even through college. All that group work stuff sounds dang challenging, had almost none of that in the USA (a few exceptions in college, but *very* few). But good to have a friend, I mostly quite lack that :-( And congratulations too on that GPA - impressive! (I was mostly in the 3.89 to 4 of 4 range)

"Never let your schooling interfere with your education." -- anon.

Definetly been a while. i am sorry if you were sick. You are beauitful. Thank you. You are doing a great job in the exams etc. You keep your promise. I want to learn .... I am listening :)

The way that you stare at the camera... your eyes don't wander around like other people's. I always find myself having the same kind of stone cold stare that you have, though, and I appreciate it more. You're really beautiful. I need to find a girl who has AS like we do, because I find myself so enthralled by you. This is the closest thing I've ever found to seeing someone who has AS like I do. I feel like I can read you better and it makes me feel calm and happy and secure.

I hope this video encourages some people to find the courage you have. Communication is the most important thing in life. Without it we are ignorant. I get the feeling you put across your 'needs' in a very clear way that allows your teachers to understand who you are. Your genuineness shines through here and that must also be the case when you communicate these issues to other significant people in your life. Keep up the good work.

That help'S me on how to figure this out, well you got more experience on the fact being an aspie then me, ( just been dignisis for the last 8 month an I'm 26). I appreciate your videos and help me to get my dignosis. Wish you the best! Keep doing music, well I'm in music too

That's a very valuable perspective to have.

When I was last in school, it took a great deal of confidence for me to get it together enough to tell teachers this. I would feel embarrassed by my own weaknesses, and kept feeling the need to be on level with everybody else (which is something I did pretty well in high school, but can no longer do). Moreover, many teachers would want to adjust my terms, and that didn't work out terribly well.

Another great video on the subject, that I could relate to pretty much across the board, with the exception of the 11,8 GPA. I never got that high. But then again, I did not get diagnosed until I was 32 years old so did not know to implement these great systems. :)

Thanks once again for the video!

nice video. I used to build during class, hekoed focus. teachers didn't see it that way. oh we'll. glad to see a new video Fri. you. best wishes

OMG TY TY TY!!! I HATE group work so much. The schools in the US are going in the direction of group work and that whole introduction thing. I wondered why I did amazing in some classes and terrible in others. Did your therapist help you with these strategies? I only wish I had known this a long long time ago.

School sucks. I wish my parents had bothered to teach me arithmetic, reading, writing and grammar instead of putting me in school. The rest is individual research.

aloha mahalo for the video every minute spent in your sincerity and honesty is a pleasure thank you

Very sympatetic and nice.

And don't worry, I think you manage all the parts well, even the last bit :)

In the U.S., mandatory schooling is from ages 5-18. Each class lasts from ~August to ~June. The first class is "kindergarten", and is for learning basics, like colors. After kindergarten, there are grades 1-12. Grades ~9-12 are "high school". Afterward there is optional specialized schooling, community college(for a 2-year degree/associate's), or university(for a 4-year degree/bachelor's). Both are "college". Credit is usually transferrable between the two. College GPA is institution-specific.

Group work never really bothered me too much when I was in school. It was way easier for me to talk to a small group of people, rather then to the entire class at the same time. Even answering questions in class was terrible for me.

My comment here will not be particularly related to the specifics of this video. I just wanted to say that I find you inspiring in an overall sense and I love the way you phrase information. Many thanks Mia and long may you continue to grace us with your videos here on KZfaq.

ahhhhh yes, first day of school for my grandson I always feel like he is getting in line to become one of their perfect cookie cutter cookies. My vision of public school is all the little kids going in all in their own little happy shapes, all different, unique and then being pounded into the perfect exact shape to match everyone else.. kind of sad.

Finding a strategy for everything - sounds so asperger's :)

That, too.. though, of course, you can also just choose to answer honestly. And you can choose whether to give your first reactions, or the answer you would give, given time to think about it. But it is still problematic, yes.

I have Asperger's and, honestly, group work isn't that bad for me. In group work, I don't see the people in my group as people, more like resources full of assistance and information. Using this perspective, group work is less of a setback and more of a relief. At least for me.

Yes, there is much I relate to in this. I was diagnosed as an adult some years after I had already completed my degree, so a lot of these difficulties... i didn't have any specific explanation for why certain things were very hard for me. By second year I had resolved to automatically drop any course that featured any form of group work on the syllabus. Very difficult, but I made it through. On some occasions I had to ask for permission to take a different course in lieu of a required one.

A group for over 50 year olds I attended did the introduce the other person nonsense. I also do not like people sitting on both sides of me. Looking back now that I know I am Aspie I do not know how I managed to attend school every day but I did. In one way I am proud of myself for doing it but I wonder at what cost. I have been a cynical pessimistic adult and I wonder if or how much all the trouble I had in school caused this.

Thank you for the response. I imagine there is a good chance I might react the same way to antidepressants, so at least I know to be careful if I am prescribed that medicine. I'm glad you're alright, I've gone through the same cycles of depression and self harm before, except I never got help because I didn't think I had a good reason to be depressed and I would just be called emo, but I know better now. I wonder how many people have died because of that stigmatization.

Maja, is there something wonderful I can do for you to say thank you for all the videos over the years? Don't worry about the length of your videos. Your voice is soothing to listen to.

I guess saying one has low stress tolerance level is just easier though but I'm not sold on it actually being the case. Thanks for the vid BTW

I'm really glad you make these videos. It really helps a lot to see someone else with the same problems I have and how you deal with them. People always tell me to just get over it and they don't get just how anxious I get about things. I know we aren't exactly the same, but you seem more similar to me than anyone I've met, and you really can't know how much this helps me. Do you take any anxiety medicine, and if you do, do you think it makes a difference?

There are a lot of lectures on KZfaq by a lot of really good schools (Stanford for instance) they cover all kinds of topics so I bet you could find a lecture on the topic you're studying, also I think they're fun to watch you might like them too, plus they could help you get a better grade ( not that you need the help)

aw! missed your vids

Aaahh!!! Real monstrous Danish schools.

holy god woman, talk about a battle. a war actually.

In the UK school is up to 16 collage is the next 2 years (for the stander academic route sometime other time farms for other routes/skills) or relay anything bellow University level done by an adult but collage is also very often the highest level of division of a university. when a 16 -18 collage is attached to a secondary or high school it's normal called the 6th form from an old numbering system.

In fact, I kind of wish that I'd seen this video a couple years/months ago. Your terms regarding homework and absences would have been IMMENSELY useful to me, and maybe (maaaaybe) I could've even managed to finish school if teachers had agreed to them. How do you get teachers to agree with you not doing the reading? That's my main questions, as I can't imagine someone agreeing to that. (Sorry about all the comments - as a dropout [multiple times], this is a really important topic for me!)

Have to say, it sounds like you're asking the teacher for a lot of leeway. I hated group work when I was in school, though. It was the worst thing for me. Also, I do remember one class where I had to introduce another person on the first day, and it sucked so much that I dropped the course immediately afterwards. Good times.

Thank you so much for this video! I’m going back to university next September and your tips will help a lot to improve the communication between my teachers and me. I was just wondering, how do you deal with oral exams and presentations? I have a very hard time with them because they cause so much stress; they always trigger physical illness and mental exhaustion and are part of the reason I had to quit school three times so far. I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject :)

I'm horrible in college. The workload is so overwhelming. All the classes at my college are 4 credits, so taking 3 classes is like taking four at the college I was attending previously. I have disability services at my school and it only helps a bit. I have depression too, so sometimes I don't get my work done because I'm trying to get myself to feel "better" but I can't ask for an extension unless it's a week ahead of time. I don't know when I'm going to be depressed. It's like every (cont)

At first it was, yes. But now that I've done it a few times, I don't even get nervous. I just look at it as a necessity, to make the school experience work for me. Maybe, if you want to do something similar, and are nervous about it, it can help to have a friend or parent with you.. someone you trust, who can back you up in the situation :)

In Canada, it's usually only universities that grant degrees and do research, while colleges are more geared towards technical training and the trades. Both usually require a high school diploma to attend, and are attended by students of any age. A high school diploma is the minimum everyone is expected to get.

I HATE introduction exercises like the one you describe. When it comes to group work, I have the advantage of an ESTJ personality, so am usually willing to, and capable of, stepping in quickly to take control of the group and set my own terms for the work. In lab work especially it helps prevent hours of frustration sitting watching the group do things inefficiently. In one experiment mine was the only group to complete an analysis faster than the computer. This helped establish credibility.

I love my psychologist, she knows me very well. On the contrary, I hate psychiatrist, they tend to ask me "How are you doing?", all I can think is "Why do you ask me about that again?", and the answer always ends up to be "I don't know..." That's time-wasting.

TheAnMish, You look happier. Congratulations.

I find the main concern (or stressor) for me, with the non verbal aspect, is when a person says one thing but in fact wants or does another and so their words do not match the non verbal which is concerning to me, even if I don't realise this is why I'm stressed. I think it mostly boils down to having our buffer zone maintained as much as possible, things like rests, energy techniques and even certain qualities that gemstones have can kind of help me.

i was diagnosed at the age of two. they were going to give up on me until my mom stood up for me. They were about to teach me sign language til she found out. my life was always filled with awkward moments and a inability to communicate or read emotion then one day BAM i found out while i was in high school. It explained everything.

That wasn't the case in the schools I attended. They would do the same type of introductions that she described, but there was another kind, which was called "two truths, one lie", in which you had to make three statements about yourself, but one of them was a lie. This lasted through high school and depending on the topic it was done in some college courses, too.

Hmm I have never really thought about all these things, I have just reached the point where school is out of the question as it has never been a good experience for me. But I'm starting to think I might have to get more schooling, so I might just keep your advice in mind. I have gone though school in the past, being completely panicked without even being aware of it, resulting in some serious breakdowns along the way, I have only recently learned how important it is to keep stress levels down.

It helped at first.. possibly placebo effect more than anything else... then, taking a pill every day, just reminded me that I was ill. When I got to that point, I stopped taking them. My doctor has prescribed the lowest amount possible, this being after I told her I was harming myself, and considering suicide. So I should've probably been given more, but hey.. I made it anyway. :)

I have talks with psychologists when I feel I need them.. but they are always specialized in ASD. Cognitive therapy can be effective, but I usually keep it in dealing with specific problems, like self-worth, stress, anxiety etc. It's not just "how are you today?".

Have you ever considering tutoring? (not taking a tutor, you giving lessons to kids). It can be stressful but it will give you an whole different perspective about education (I recommend), plus you can make money doing that (just be sure you pick something you are really good at).

US education is Elementary School K, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Middle School 6, 7, 8, High School 9, 10, 11, 12. College / University 13, 14, 15, 16. Graduate School 17, 18. College is generally lower level then University. Some people go to a Community College for two years (13,14) then to a University.

I just put up a video on Aspergers, showing that if Adam Lanza (the school shooter) did have Aspergers, that condition had nothing to do with his violent behavior.

I've never had much of a problem with that.. If I know the answer, I say it, and if I don't, I just say "I don't know". It's okay not to know things, so I don't really feel stupid or anything.. it's only if my answer makes other students laugh at me (when I wasn't intending to be funny) that I have a problem, but it doesn't happen often.

day that I get depressed. One week I'll be depressed for four days, another it'll be three, and if I'm lucky it'll only be two days. My learning is weird. I can talk about a subject or term without even really knowing it but testing in America is more about memorizing the terms. Sometimes I can use the knowledge I do have on tests and professors give me points for showing I was paying attention but some don't. I hate group work too. I can work fine with 1 or 2 people in a group but that's it.

So relatable

I would think asking for a seat to be reserved for oneself in classes where people aren't assigned one could lead to awkwardness & or resentment between the teacher and one or more students about to take the seat on given days (perhaps also between the requester and one or more students). I'm curious what strategies Mish's & other's teachers have taken & results. The teacher could just tell the class but still awkwardness/resentment. It's a decent request - I just wonder about the playing out.

Thanks for the video, I have similar 'seating' choice as you, now that you have shared I don't feel so weird anymore,lol. I have difficulties trying to answer the questions in exams because I understand topics/subjects in a unique perspective hence it is difficult for me to answer it in a "standardised/structured" form. Do you have any difficulties in understanding the questions or answering them in a "model" answer form within the given time and your stress level in examinations?

Also, it's really difficult to be able to take just one class/be a part-time student in the US. I've found that the system isn't really set up to encourage that sort of thing.

I remember my schooltime as an aspie. I still become nightmares. Other autistic people tolled me, that they didn't like school too.

I also have AS. Some people think I have low tolerance level. But AS have difficulty with non-verbal language. Research shows in our daily life will have about 80% with non-verbal language. That is why I easily get stressed.

I think it is the danish teaching method because they lecturer about everything you need to know for the exam ,you just need to remember it and read it if you don´t understand the teacher.

Wait, you're Danish? Your English is amazing! I thought you had to be American or Canadian for sure.

American school system's huge deal is inclusion & teaching aspies same as everyone else. For us this means our 7 yr old grandson completely dis-engaged from his teacher/peers & now has to repeat the grade we only found this out at the end of the year. my husband may have never been diagnosed years ago on the spectrum & he still remembers when a teacher told him -turn to the person next to him & talk to him because that would be his best friend for the year he still remembers it- he hated it.

By paying attention in class... and like I said, I read the most necessary things. Everything else, I learn while I'm at the school, because I know once I'm home, I won't have the energy to keep doing school work.

For me are both, or reciprocal: Nobody should to depend of me and I don't like to depend of anybody.

Maja wondered if you think you will get back to perusing music again in the future writing/recording songs? I can see you are buried with school and your new job just wondering? i enjoyed your music.

Well, I am. But after a few weeks, they can see that I keep up fine in class, participate (except in group work) as much as I can, and stick to the rules. I am much less troublesome to have around than many other students, because I'm aware of my difficulties.

How much class you recommand or take at the time in each semester? Because I can't take more than 3 class at each semester. In answer on how Neurotypical people like many small talk is because they have an efficience and fast learning work memory and aspie/ADD have a poor short term memory. Psycholigy class and book were useful in the times I taught I was crazy rather than Asperger/ADD and dyslexia.

I am studying HF. It's actually called "higher preparation-exam". I will finish that this winter. After that, I will go to Uni to study psychology. I am hoping to obtain a bachelor's degree.. and if I specialize after that, I think it might well be in neuropsyhology.

Yes, and that is the more accurate description. However, it's much harder for people to understand if I try to explain that. They have a much easier time accepting it if I just say that I get stressed easily.

Test scores don't really matter much to me.. it's the underlying reasons for answering as you did that is interesting. Either way, I was tested by others, and even after I was diagnosed, I wasn't given any test scores. Online tests are at best a hint in the right-ish direction, but definitely not conclusive, so I don't bother with them.

Because ironically, I learn better from a teacher than I do from books. So if I only had books, my gpa would be much lower. Also, I have no discipline, so I think it's actually good for me to have places I have to go, and people to answer to, when it comes to doing stuff.

Hei Maja. Synes du er flink til å takle utfordringene med aspergers, og takk for interessante videoer. :) Jeg har en mildere variant av aspergers og er jente/dame i midten av 20-årene, og jeg kan kjenne meg igjen i noe av det du sier om klasserom, men jeg har nok vært heldig og ikke streve så mye som deg, så jeg blir trist når jeg hører hvor vanskelig dette har vært for deg. Men jeg er enig i at presentasjonsrunder er noe dritt, blir alltid engstelig før det er min tur. Det som virkelig plagde meg helt grusomt på skolen var høy musikk, jeg hadde vondt i magen av engstelse og skjønte ikke heller at jeg kunne si ifra, for jeg trodde bare det måtte være sånn, og jeg skjønte heller ikke hvorfor de andre tålte lyden så mye bedre enn meg. Men grunnen til at jeg skriver til deg er: jeg har lest litt om kosthold for autismespekter-lidelser, og de foreslår (teorien er ikke helt godtatt av vitenskap ennå, men jeg tror det kan være noe i det) å ta bort gluten og kasein (og forskjellige tilsetningsstoffer og sukker tror jeg), for teorien er at disse proteinene blir brutt ned feil i kroppen, og stoffer fra denne metabolismen ender i hjernen og virker nesten som opium (så det man tåler dårligst har man aller mest lyst på), så man får ubalanser og betennelseslignende fenomener, altså de mener at det å ha personlighetstrekk innen autismespekteret ikke betyr at hjernen er noe annerledes bygd enn "normale mennesker", men man har bare en medfødt overfølsomhet for enkelte stoffer vi får i oss. Jeg har prøvd litt selv å fjerne disse stoffene fra kostholdet, skal se om det funker. Og viktig: det er ikke fordi det er noe galt med å ha aspergers i seg selv, det er jo også mange fordeler, men livet kan være vanskelig, mye pga overfølsomhet for verden, jeg vil gjerne gjøre meg selv mer robust for å bli lykkeligere, så jeg ville gjerne dele dette med deg og andre hvis det kan gjøre livet litt lettere, og dette er ikke noe slankekur eller noen mulighet til å obsesse, man skal bare gjøre det for helsen. (må bare si dette hvis noen som leser har slitt med spiseforstyrrelser, ikke sant)

I don't know if you've done a video about this before or not, but could you provide some insight as to what it's like in the dating scene for you, as a female with Asperger's? I'm a guy, so I have to go up and try to talk to girls... so what goes through your mind, as a female Aspie when you're approached by a guy? How do things go? I'm hypothesizing that you'd be better off with dating than a lot of guys with it, but I'm curious about your perspective.

One question. How do you cope with being asked questions in class?

I really can never figure out what is equivalent to what in the different school systems.. When I'm done with what I'm studying now, I can go to university. I guess that would make it sort of high school-like? Is college and university the same thing? I never quite got that. Anyway, the school I'm at has "adult" students.. the age range is from 18 and up. I have had classmates that were over 50. But not everyone acts adult, of course. (Even the 50-year-olds.)

I don't really like the 'AQ' and 'SQ' tests; they're too subjective (in my opinion), and the questions seem vague to me. I'd recommend the 'reading the mind in the eyes' test. (Its a performance test rather than a self-rated personality quiz like the AQ.) You can find it on the internet. (There's also a 'reading the mind in the voice' test-- but I'm not sure where to find it.)

School is a psychological pressure cooker designed to make you banish your true self and substitute a synthetic one created by threats of non-acceptance. Fight the good fight, stay who you are, I think you are wonderful. Truly.

Schools are very aggressive, their factory analogy is well deserved. My sister attended an experimental 'free-style' (but still public) school for a year, she loved it. Schools are also very hostile to boys and extremely hostile to independent types who have an innate dislike of top down micro-management. I think their first commandment is: Thou shalt comply. Hard to find a more anti-human goal than that.

You're pretty.