Love Bombed by the Tinder Swindler with Ayleen Charlotte | Navigating Narcissism with Dr. Ramani

Рет қаралды 16,076

Жыл бұрын

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Season 2 of Navigating Narcissism premieres on March 16th!
Ayleen Charlotte was looking for love in all the usual places: online. Tinder, to be exact. When she started her relationship with a con man, Simon Leviev, it was just like a fairytale, filled with love, gifts, and a very handsome boyfriend who doted on her. Everything took a turn when she found Simon on her Instagram feed, labeled as the Tinder Swindler. The man she thought she knew and loved has reportedly swindled about $10 million from victims across Europe. In this episode, we learn about love bombing, manipulation, and empathy, and what Ayleen did to get back at the man that stole so much from her.
I want to hear from you, too. Have a toxic topic you want me to explore? Email me at askdrramani@redtabletalk.com. I just might answer your questions on air.
Guest Bio:
In The Tinder Swindler, Ayleen reveals how she ended up entangled in the web of lies created by whom she believed to be her boyfriend, Simon. For well over a year, through a strategy he refined by trying out the same lies on other women simultaneously, she was made to believe both their lives were in danger and built up an eye-watering debt along the way. When she discovered the deception, she chose to turn the tables and took revenge by selling his expensive collection of designer-brand clothes. Ayleen felt she had to make a radical choice between victimhood or becoming a beacon of female empowerment for herself and others. Her experiences prompted Ayleen to make her life-long entrepreneurial dreams come true, as she is working to launch her own wine label.
Guest Information:
Stronger Together Bracelets
Ayleen’s Instagram - @ayleencharlott
This podcast should not be used as a substitute for medical or mental health advice. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical advice, counseling, and/or therapy from a healthcare professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issue, or health inquiry, including matters discussed on this podcast.
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Narcissists are everywhere and these days it seems like everyone has at least one in their lives! Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a licensed clinical psychologist, will help you spot red flags and heal from the narcissist in your life. Every Thursday, we will hear first-hand accounts from people who know this territory the best, the survivors.
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Пікірлер: 64

@justflow1964 Жыл бұрын

Dr Ramani I don't think narcissists are unaware of the harm they inflict on others, they do it despite that. They only care about themselves

@francesbernard2445 Жыл бұрын

Or they care only about what all they are addicted to instead whenever their body is without it until getting treatment for addiction while being in denial about having addiction and then blaming the world instead of asking for help while being admired by others from the same gender most when experiencing serial 'monogamy' while moving from city to city where at the time father's rights have become so paramount until - "The Me Too" movement started addressing the same kind of thing which happens to a lot of people at work too thanks to narcissists who are so addicted to sex. Instead of for example wanting to see reporting of the truth only in a main stream news media company or whatever. In a workplace like that - I'd rather be 'put up for adoption' until age 30 too instead.

@dansasap Жыл бұрын

I really think their level/frequency of awareness varies a lot from one narcissist to the other, depending on their indivudual cognitive abilities and other personality traits. In the most extreme cases, they even enjoy the harm they inflict and consciously manipulate people into situations where they can abuse them freely. That's for the malignant type of narcs, or those who have malignant traits/moments, and it's also very much present in psychopaths. Other types of narcs can be a lot less controlled, a lot more self centered, in which cases they often don't notice or don't truly grasp what harm they are doing or how else they could behave. Don't forget the base of the issue is their emotional/affective immaturity. I'm not saying that's any less harmful though, or that it excuses them. We all lose it sometimes, but they NEVER take responsibility for their own feelings or behavior and that's inexcusable.

@carlamurphy7541 7 ай бұрын

Tinder and other dating sites are a great place for narcissists you can almost see who they are just by their profile...very perfect...but not always....some are more covert and unassuming. I saw this guy's profile and thought wow...he looked too good to be true. Also that intense interest is unatural to the average guy..they tend to be slow burners if they are heathy.

@AB-lp8jd Жыл бұрын

Why is the narcissist jada pinket Smith an executive director?? What does she addd to the content exactly?

@milena11570 Жыл бұрын

Shame that Dr Ramani doesnt see it

@carolynodien4516 Жыл бұрын

My thoughts too!!!

@papillonnoir3747 Жыл бұрын

😅😅😅

@marydillon6593 10 ай бұрын

The channel is her “beard”… kinda how pedophiles get jobs as school principals or other prominent positions in the community. Throws people off the trail…

@elvan5922 2 ай бұрын

Yessssas .She does not walk to walk talk to talk. But I Not surprised.

@lindseykaye9299 Жыл бұрын

Oh my gosh!! The similarities of this and my marriage? My ex and the pressure he put on me… constantly throughout our marriage.. the love bombing the selfishness always, his problems were always worse than anyone’s🤦🏼‍♀️. Wow!

@JudeScott007 9 ай бұрын

Breakthrough: Sill healing...got what, why and how SHAME effects my reality and behavior. It just got real for me. A bombshell clairity...

@bereal6590 7 ай бұрын

That right there, if someone likes you, let alone loves you, or even a kind empathetic stranger, they do NOT want you to feel bad. That right there tells us if someone has empathy or not ✌

@orlachristine4938 Жыл бұрын

My family invalidated me after I left . I'm safe but completely isolated ...

@starlingswallow Жыл бұрын

Me too, a bit. I have my now hubby who's also a survivor ❤ we are family, here

@LonjeMarie7 Жыл бұрын

I’m sorry for your loss you will one day if you have an already see that this is a tremendous blessing I’d rather a person to be with me right rather than raggedy. Have an abundant mindset instead of a scarcity mindset God will put many healthy people in your pathway

@orlachristine4938 Жыл бұрын

@@LonjeMarie7 thank you 😘❤️

@angelanicoletti3330 Жыл бұрын

@@LonjeMarie7 , Amen.

@annettglass7290 10 ай бұрын

Narcissistic people are toxic to the mind, body and spirit.

@kirstenkreativ3078 Жыл бұрын

What a strong young woman, and what an amazing ending with her starting a wine company and getting into a collaboration with the Jewlery company ❤️❤️

@janethomas78 Жыл бұрын

I have brothers and sisters that are antagonistic and have no empathy-- THEY call THAT "Feeling sorry for YOU",,, and that is A PROBLEM for THEM!

@starlingswallow Жыл бұрын

It is so interesting how Dr. Ramani has uncovered that it's not just the people who have had tumultuous relationships with their parents and family growing up, but it's also the adults who have had wonderful parents and a wonderful family but were sheltered or not taught about abuse or narcissism.❤

@elisawyer 18 күн бұрын

Thanks for this,. I am listening to several of these stories and I recognize many parts parts of my own story in this and others. My father was a narcissist and I started my young adulthood without understanding how to choose a good partner. So I ended up with narcissists as partners. In both of my marriages my husbands weaponized prior trauma to temporarily control me. It is edifying to hear Dr. Ramani call out that technique of control and how wrong it is. After divorcing my second husband, I no longer trusted myself in choosing a partner. Understanding trauma bonding better is quite helpful.

@thecommonsensecapricorn 10 ай бұрын

@31:19 I’m not surprised she had a good childhood. I knew she would say that. She said that when he started becoming aggressive that she knew it wasn’t right, because you don’t treat someone you love that way. I don’t think their relationship lasted that long after that. Someone with an abusive childhood would not have thought anything of that, because we don’t trust ourselves and we don’t know that abuse/neglect/abandonment is wrong… even if we cognitively do, we don’t believe we deserve better or that we’ll be able to have better (because we believe we’re so fundamentally flawed).

@bee12355 Жыл бұрын

These narcissist all read the same playbook. They all do the same things.

@NickyM_0 Жыл бұрын

Identical! And it doesn't matter the type of relationship, romantic, any family relationship, friendship or even workplace relationships. The narcissistic relationship will present exactly the same. The love bombing, devaluation, chronic lies, gas-lighting, silent treatment, smear campaign, chronic disrespect and discard. Also, let's not forget the narcs necessary enablers/flying monkeys that are always part of a narcissistic relationship.

@ljrockstar69 Жыл бұрын

Yes, this is so true. It's like they took a class for Narcissist 101. It's amazing how the traits and stages are so similar.

@NickyM_0 Жыл бұрын

@@ljrockstar69 That's because it is spiritual. These people are under 'demonic possession'. Unfortunately, people don't know, don't believe or don't understand what demonic possession ie being possessed by an evil spirit looks like. It's not a coincidence that they all act the same.

@ljrockstar69 Жыл бұрын

@@NickyM_0 yep, it's evil, but i dont think it is that. If so, then i won against the devil 🤣 just leave and never look back...if you turn back, you will be like Lot's wife and turn to a pillar of salt.

@NickyM_0 Жыл бұрын

@@ljrockstar69 Evil IS spiritual!😄 I agree! God said 'Vengeance is mine!'. Leave it for God to deal with them in whatever way he sees fit. It's for us to either use our God given authority to cast out the evil spirit, allow someone else to cast out the evil spirit or to simply walk away (for our own protection, safety and sanity).

@persiamotorman Жыл бұрын

I went through very similar things with a sociopathic roommate. Recently in Baton Rouge he got an apartment in which he never intended to pay (somewhat like a squatter). The maintenance guy and the landlord were both physically threatened because they were trying to deal with him. They served him with eviction papers and he told them "You ruined my life, and now I will ruin yours!" So, he set fire to the apartment. Setting fire to an occupied building is one count of aggravated arson...a felony. He was put in jail and charged with that. You can imagine what it was like for me to live with this volatile fool. If you say "no" to him, you'll need a swat team, so you just give him money to pay to keep the peace.

@selfesteem3447 Жыл бұрын

56 year old old , I have never had a roommate and I hope I never have to have one. Stories like this, is why I don't have roommates.

@raggaahmed8626 9 ай бұрын

❤

@sandragrewe 7 ай бұрын

@@selfesteem3447that's why I never wanted a roommate. Never have and never will.

@kellyyork3898 Ай бұрын

Tell men, who you’re dating, right upfront that you’re never going to give them any money/any goods, keep all funds separate, and the first time he asks for money, kick him out of your life. Able bodied men should work and pay their own way in life. Period. And remember, send him to the bank for a loan. You’re not a bank.

@AAXS-op1vo Жыл бұрын

Same with me. My parents have been married forever, I believe love is hard but good because that is what my parents modeled and still model for me. Didn’t stop me from marrying a narc. Just because parents stay married and have a good relationship doesn’t mean you don’t experience trauma from other sources or people. Those traumas, whatever they may be, help to create trauma bonds and blind spots that narcs will exploit and manipulate. Couple that with empathic over-sharing, it’s a recipe for a romantic coup. They WILL use what they know and weaponize it. My ex exploited my history as well as my family to get a lot for himself. I pray that your healing be continuous and whole.

@isambenitez 2 ай бұрын

It took me the whole year of the relationship to find out I married a narcissist. Thank God it was only a year, only a little over a month married, filed for divorce. But it took me to analyze how I was feeling to find out he is a narcissist and a good one.

@LonjeMarie7 Жыл бұрын

A smart predator works it’s victim SLOW. STAY WOKE this is a cautionary story

@elvan5922 2 ай бұрын

That guy is very professional with his custome change. I feel Like there is something else going on here .There is more to him .

@Phytogenix 10 ай бұрын

Thank you! And yes. Stronger together❤

@casebycase_904 Жыл бұрын

How do I get my story told like this here?

@AAXS-op1vo 4 ай бұрын

I would love to get one of those bracelets.

@007nadineL 11 ай бұрын

*THERE IS A DATING SYSTEM THAT PROTECTS WOMEN FROM MEN BEHAVING BADLY. THE NYC RULES BOOKS BY SHERRIE AND ELLEN.*

@hopefulldoubts 3 ай бұрын

It is a little invalidating that the people who have a personal story not a movie or book are the focus. Nobody needs money more than a survivalist of a malignant narcissist and is a single parent in today's world, however the victims who are out here without a voice through the media are feeling like their story is Not important unless they are sensationalized by the media. This still gives glory to our abuser.

@hopefulldoubts 3 ай бұрын

I am a fan and support every effort. However a lot of people have gone through extraordinary ordeals, severe extraordinary ordeals. Most of us are left broke, with no voice. I feel that only talking with well educated, wealthy, already sensationalized stories is exclusive. Also does not address the more realistic barriers that most women face of being left homeless. I'm not sure why it was allowed for her to self promote. For the rest of us out here, we have success stories of well being, having shelter, having your family united and alive. Most the story we see in book deals, movies, mini series are about people with money? Whew led a certain lifestyle. The draw should be about the lineage between all socio economic groups. Sadly it does feel inclusive for all people who have suffered the exact same narcissistic abusers

@MaxineBrown-ee1pi Жыл бұрын

How do I get a bracelet

@francesbernard2445 Жыл бұрын

I am so thankful Alyeen survived a romance scam. Some women and their loved ones are not as lucky. The worst true story I have ever heard was from my daughter once who had to repeat to me what was announced to all the rest of the elementary students there too. The mother to her classmate whom she enjoyed playdates with when not in elementary school together in our homes on the same city block. They were both murdered after the mother's common law 'step parent' won a very large amount of money in the lottery by that 'step parent' who was already with a well paying job when moving into her already mortgaged house while then he was becoming more and more frustrated with the mother's long ugly divorce custody battle she and her daughter were trying to survive through. While the mother's estranged husband was most into trying to glorify the value of 'recreational' drug Marijuana and Hemp which was illegal for anyone to consume at the time. What an eye opener that was for me and my daughter and son too. However women who are trying to compete with an estranged husband strategies when it comes to measuring up as the better home for underage children during a long long litigous divorce from a narcissist/addict sometimes end up falling for a romance scam with a greedy authoritarian minded workaholic instead who could cross over to the criminal side when the stakes get high enough.

@007nadineL 11 ай бұрын

*PLS INVITE ON AS A GUEST AUTHOR & DATING COACH PAULA GROOMS. VERY EASY THINGS WOMEN CAN DO TO PROTECT THEMSELVES from bad men.*

@aktchungrabanio6467 6 ай бұрын

Are you out of your mind?

@endlessunivese9350 Жыл бұрын

glad i am a hyper active demon that is unable to be immobilized by narcissistic peoples

@aktchungrabanio6467 6 ай бұрын

Thank you for being part of New Zealand's cultural heritage. You ARE creating a problem that no one understands entirely.

@carolb3869 11 ай бұрын

The people that think they would never be taken by these individuals are the very ones that are sitting ducks. Why? Because they don’t understand the ‘process’ of narcissistic abuse or how it happens.

@nothingworksworks3511 Ай бұрын

Why do all these women skip over the "attractive young billionaire" part ? No need to feel ashamed, just SAY it

@endlessunivese9350 Жыл бұрын

that girl the day you Mele a real sigma male that guy is done trust me Ramani will tell you why and how but to get a man like that is not easy i'm a sigma male i understand them respect change

@_xBrokenxDreamsx_ 3 ай бұрын

i'm not condoning his behavior or anything but what were his official charges? i mean, they all gave him their money consensually, right? even if he had an ulterior motive he also had an actual relationship with them and was texting/talking to them, right? what's the crime? they took a risk on love and it didn't work out.. don't women do this all the time when they let guys take them out and buy them things, and get married to them with the underlying intent of divorcing them and stealing their stuff? i mean, i feel bad for people who are duped by religions, too, but you can't get your money back or charge the other party with a crime just because they duped you with an obvious hoax.

@elvan5922 2 ай бұрын

Think there is more to this story and about him But typical sense they hide it .The guy is very professional with his outlook and very professional just like James bond way .I feel He was not alone in this and probably intelligent agents are involved .