NAH FR!!

real

exactly

frr

FOR REAL

Best line i have ever heard

iron logic I'd say)))

This is so selfish why you won’t be friends with them unless they add something

@@mmrttv3263 As if I need to explain it further, once you're friends with someone or they become your significant other, it's important to periodically check yourself if you're in a toxic relationship.

Would you mind make a friend from Taiwan 😢?

it’s so true

be your own best friend ❤

@@Femaleviewpoint yess 🫶

I agree, same here. Didn’t realize how mistreated I was until I walked away

exactly,agree

This is my exact situation right now. We met recently and she referred still to me as her best friend. But we had a fight this year where we didn’t talk for quite a long time and the stuff she told me was awful. She apologised but I can’t forgive her. In that time I realized so kuch kore like the little comments and the way she held me back. So we still meet but I don’t find happiness meeting her.

But it is her hard knowing each other 10 years

@@salyx6687 i hope it gets easier for you to end the friendship. if you don’t enjoy her presence anymore then it’s best to just find peace tbh

@@salyx6687 This is called sunk cost fallacy, look it up, i've known my friends for 6 years, that still didn't stop me from cutting them off, it hurt at first, but it's been 5 months, and i'm so glad i did it, every month that passes by makes me realise even more how great that difficult decision has been

Well said and so very true!

I have the same problem, but I cant stop thinking about them even after seeing them in person. I feel like I am down bad in life and they are getting better without me even if they did me wrong. Karma isnt making any moves….

@@guccisnacc4893 they sound musty asf tho TvT If the reason why you’re obsessed w them is lack of closure then force it out of them. That’s what i do w everyone ; forcing them to tell me word by word stuff that its uncomfy for them to say if we’ve drifted apart :)

I ghost people if I sense something toxicity from them and if anything they're the ones who would be obessed ( especially they knew they did me wrong , in narcissism ways ) not other way around.

Trying to communicate with them and questioning things and not receiving actual answers is even worse ! their wrote behaviour is your closure trust me

This is what happened to me I was ghosted. and I so well know I didn't do anything to my "bff." atleast having closure makes me understand that it's over instead of saying hi then ghosting us and expecting that nothing wronged happened

this is so real!

yup, literally on the dot perfect timing.

same bae stay strong

it gets so much better trust me just be patient

uff samsies, but we are strong we can do it y'all!

Mine happened like a year and half ago Still saddens me sometimes

​@@unravel9716 completely normal and valid - Greif never fully leaves you

The best answer to this, is just do it

wtf how yall gonna overthink this stuff so much

Do it AND make sure to tell them how much of a dick they are. I skipped this part and now they're not in my beautiful life but I still feel the burn whenever thoughts of them cross my mind bcuz I still wanna tell them how much of a loser they are looking Straight into their eyes

not sure if you're still in this situation now, but i was here a little while ago too. i had this really shitty friend, she was so horrible to me and always caused me a lot of anxiety, and i just didn't know how to end it. she also kind of isolated me from all my friends (and honestly even my family) so i felt like if i wasn't friends with her anymore i had no one left. what i'm trying to say is, i've been there. i get it. wanting to end the friendship, and recognizing that it's toxic is already a huge step. honestly, i just ghosted my friend. gave one worded answers to texts, if any answers at all. didn't pick up the phone, if she asked to hang out i was busy. prioritized making new friends who made me feel good about myself. it sucks, and it hurts, and it leaves you reeling, but it's worth it. i'm so much happier right now than i've ever been, i have good friends, who i can talk to when i feel hurt or uncomfortable, and vice versa. i promise you won't regret it. good luck, love you lots :)

Did you do it?

absolutely. also, no one who’s done something of the sort should be able to just flee from the responsibility of dealing with the consequences of their actions. otherwise they might never change for the better.

Went through a similar situation. It’s baffling. Not sure if she thought I was too dumb to notice what her motives were, or if she just didn’t care.

She's envious, she's trying to get your boyfriend, her friend is fake

From certain point you had to tell her that your boyfriend need privacy for both of you all way mean only u nd him nd if still she continued it cancel her

Went through a similar thing, but she even slept with him :) Also it happened while she was in a relationship to make the situation even worse (thank god I never actually had real feelings for him, l never loved him so it didn’t hurt as much but still, she’s a horrible person)

I broke up with my childhood friend cuz she was just soo dominating and controlling..

It happenes with me. Friend suddenly gone and i ask what happened and she just said reflect it yourself. The worst you can do to someone is not giving them any explanation when they ask and when you are the one who ended that relationship

@@joebug8984 if i were asked "what's wrong", I'd explain of course. Often no questions are asked. Yeah, I'm "the one who ends the relationship", but I'm not the root cause. My unexpected silence is only the logical result of another person's misbehaviour. That's how i see it. Peace to you!

@@joebug8984 Yeah, but in this day and age, you just can't explain because everyone is so hyper sensitive. So now I ghost. I called one friend on his garbage, he not only ripped me one, but comes out of the woodwork every five years to continue insulting me. Another, I try to talk to and it's, "Why are you doing this to me?" So, I can't talk to her anymore because being honest is "doing this to me." If you can't be honest with your friends, it's not really a friendship to me. I had another friend -- this one was a great one -- we'd argue on occasion, but I never had to second guess that we were friends. We'd get stuff off our chests and always make up. He was like a brother that I never had and sadly he died a few years ago. I cherish the memories of him because we could say anything to each other. I miss him terribly.

i get what you’re saying but that doesn’t really make you the bad person in that situation. it’s definitely hard for both sides when neither has particularly done anything bad but i think it’s best to realize that we are all people. and that we have to do things that are better for us, even if that means ending friendships for “no reason”

honestly that's the saddest part, when neither of the people did something necessarily wrong, I'm currently going trough it and it's been hard to face the reality. Tryna get the strength to end it.

im going through this right now it's so hard especially having many mutual friends. since there is not a big reason for why we are parting apart idk how I would even explain it.

Would rather stay unsatisfied and disappointed or be not a "bad side"

why end it then?

If you did them wrong, it could be worth a shot, if they did you wrong, don't even bother

@@inbloom2300 it’s not black and white like that :/

@@maisiekellyreid4168 it actually is, when I started simplifying my life like this, I could actually breathe and live as I intend it

@@maisiekellyreid4168 i agree its definitely not black and white like that however if you think it would make you feel slightly better then go for it tbh the worst they could do is not reply

if you feel like you have something that they deserve to know/have explained, its ok to write a text telling them that. You can also make it clear in this text why you are sending it, and make it clear that your intentions are not to disturb their life or peace, and you simply felt the need to tell them this or something. And who knows, maybe they want certain answers or explanations and that would actually help give this person closure or smt. Even just sending the message, whether they respond or not, will give you some peace of mind. Either way, you do have to try and accepting whatever has happened as a way to make peace with it. be honest with yourself about who did what wrong, and make a decision to not repeat these behaviours, then try to forgive yourself. Or if they did something very wrong in the friendship and you never got to confront them about it, maybe even mention that. Just take it easy on yourself. Sadly some things don't turn out well or how we'd like it to, but try to think of what lesson you can take from this entire thing. even if it was/is painful, it can teach you something for your future friendships, help you handle things better next time, etc. keep telling yourself 'it is what it is', whatever has happened cant be undone and its not gonna help you or them to just stay thinking about it a lot. maybe sending the message will help you move on from this. Good luck, i know its complicated.

i love friendships where people give emotional support. but like. if i barely see you in real life, i'm already struggling myself, and i know you're not gonna change, i cant afford to use so much of my energy comforting and consoling someone like that especially over text almost everyday. how can u actually get anything done or take care of yourself

thats fine!

@@carlaespinola5364 thank you for replying i totally agree! a friendship and our lives will only improve if you start trying to talk more about growth and positive things sometimes instead of just all issues constantly. You're totally right, we have to try and consider our affect on the people around us

Friends are not therapists but people will take advantage of you

Well said, I totally agree

will definitely make this a habit at 30!

Excellent point - treat them like dates - would you keep dating this person and if not maybe end the friendship

'It's not working out we should see other ppl😅'

It's insane how much I relate to your comment! Go out, don't wait for her, make your own people as well!

@@itsallgood986 i’m reaching out to people i met at the club i’m that desperate. but at least i’m trying and it’s actually working bc we’re making plans to hang out!! i was so upset seeing all my hs friends making their own friends in college and me being all alone but it’s nice to know im not the only one who feels like this 😭

okay i totally get this but it gets easier. every day gets a lot easier. you can also talk to her about it but also there I recommend apps like bumble BFF where you can meet people with similar interests and love to go out and get drinks! and the best part about it is they're all on there looking for friends just like you!

I know this sounds really hard, i understand where you’re coming from completely, I’ve felt similar things when my friends started college and i didn’t. The thing that I’ve had to accept is that relying on these relationships is not good and i should not feel this way just because I’m alone. Don’t get me wrong being alone is horrible and really hard, at least at first, but it’s just as important to be able to be by yourself and have a relationship with yourself as it is to be with others, if not more so. This year has really taught me that, and i really didn’t want to hear it but i would have really wanted someone to tell me this sooner. It really is freeing to just let go, i know the first thought is to make new friends in this situation but i think it’s super important to just be away. If you ever need to talk or want advice I’m here!

I think it's really important to have more than one close friend

Amen

OMG!!! I am going through this exact phase with my best friend of 12 years, he use to be my safe heave, we would share each and everything with each other even though we use to see each other few times a month but i always felt connected to him but lately his attitude has changed towards me out of no where, when ever we meet now, he is always in a rush to go back home, it feels like annoyed by me. We have stopped having meaningful conversation or conversation in general, even if we do, it always feels like I am the one driving the conversation and he just reacts. I am literally so confused , i don't wanna end a decade long friendship like that but also he has not done anything horrible for me to able to justify ending our friendship. I wonder if i am over reacting.

Listen to me, it is not your fault 🤍🤍

@@airiwuuu I'm doing much better! I realized that a part of growing up is changing and that's what we did-change. When you're younger, you think everything will stay the same. But as you get older, the things you thought mattered won't anymore. For awhile, I tried to cling to a friendship that was already broken. But then I recognized that she didn't make me feel happy anymore and had a negative influence on my life. Since we've gone our separate ways, I've been focusing more on myself and my future. I'm glad that I put that friendship behind me as I feel happier now :)

Hi hello 👋

you deserve better ❤

How did you cut off? I want tips. I can't stand my fake friendship anymore

@@Renu-700 So, every situation is different and needs different advice. But, generally, I'd say that if you are a people pleaser, instead of asking "do they like me?" start asking "do I like them?". This will take the focus off of what they think and put your power back in your hands and you'll gain your confidence to leave. I'd also say write letters to each of those friends telling them exactly what you don't like about them and then tear it up and throw it away or burn it. I would also start prioritize yourself and do a LOT of self care. It will take the energy away from those friends and onto yourself, making you more magnetic to people who align with you. Hope that helps

Thank you so much. I will difinetly try this. This girl is my best friend for many years but truth is something else. She has been using me for her convenience since years even till today now its enough. My heart cry out remembering how emotionally financially I invested in her that too for nothing in return

@@Renu-700 Of course, I hope things work out, I wish you the best❤

I truly feel for you. I just ended a toxic friendship that was like yours -- hot and cold. I have a few more like that, which I'm phasing out as well. It's too painful to have to second guess where you stand in someone's life, yet know that they have other friends they treat better.

As one who has been on the other end of this. I believe that regardless you should try to formally provide reasonings especially if the friendship/relationship was long term. By formally I mean not those half assed reasons with no sincerity. Why I say it like this is because you've been with the person for months days, in weeks exchanging conversation and trying to provide each other peace in this life so the absolute power of ending it is such a destructive position. Unless the person is a genuine psycho with lack of empathy, you and the other person should end the conversation in having respect for each other and not live silently in remembrance of your actions. Its easy to walk out of the room, thats what I say to myself. You can always do things the easy way for yourself but real humanity and logical thinking or a "real one" would actually try to handle things properly for everyone. Really take this into account. If someone else was just making assumption after assumption about what they perceive you are doing to them with these terms but you know 110% that none of this is you because you don't actually have awareness of your actions in these friendships both parties can become vulnerable to one another because thats their comfort zone and thats why they might start to sound/act different without realising it that doesn't mean you just run away from everything its so easy to do that.

@@Yamin1348 I'm just gonna say this, I understand ghosting is usually known as running away however commonly people ghost due to unsafe environments created within a friendship. they have experienced pain and uncomfortableness via the other party. it's unfair to label that persons reality as "assumptions after assumptions" again, people that ghost do not feel as the other party will value their vulnerability if they were to have a conversation. fear and shame are very powerful emotions and are not just coming out of nowhere if someone else's actions have affected a person's mental state. certain toxic people it's best to slip away from them without giving them a reason, because it'll cause more drama. some people thrive on drama. people you trust you should talk to and lay it all out, thus getting back to my point: vulnerability .

@@wolves868 as I've said, if the person is a total psycho manipulator that you could infer from first glance then it makes sense. The type of people who are gonna get revenge on you for not staying with them. People with evil intentions. I have no idea how you can come to the conclusion that its "unfair". If you or me were ghosted and the person said nothing and you had no clue what you actually did and all you got from asking was vague nothingness comments then you can't deny that you would also believe that they are making assumptions of what they perceive you as. No it isn't necessarily overthinking its the natural process of being cut off without being told anything like what else would we be thinking? Its either that or you trained yourself to just not care about the person anymore and move on straight away. In my case, the person had moments of toxicity which I looked past and they made assumption of things I possibly did that I actually would respectfully defend myself from. So it isn't far from the truth that they made a lot of maybe statements of me and other people influenced their decision. All I ask everyone to do is not to be so brittle to confrontation, do you know why the word love has such weight to it. It's because it means you won't just drop everything and leave it means you have a real interest in keeping things together. I'm not invalidating the crazies people were able to scurry away from but the way people describe themselves in these situations most of the time clearly shows that they don't even give it a chance anymore. Can we agree that ghosting and cutting people off and showing this "I'm moving on from you" is a prominent culture in the west that has been influenced by the things we see in media. Its become more culturally pushed than anything. "People not valuing their vulnerability" is of two things, one being that it falls back to being an assumption that you want to believe probably because you just dont want to talk to this person anymore or two, a cope for not having to explain themselves. It is disrespectful. It's why you feel guilt afterwards. You can't defend this. Now if we are talking about mental health, oh boy oh boy. This is my opinion but you'll have people not mention their well-being once and then as soon as the time to ghost comes its like a get of jail card because a good person would understand the severity of mental health. If you are the person ghosting who do you think is going to suffer more and get depressed? The one who was ghosted or the one who made the decision. Some people don't even get over it and it becomes a prolonged course of negativity. My point is, mental health is obviously considered but it can also be used as a strategy to just get people to leave you alone without explanation again. It's another way to just leave without conversation. I'm going to be sad asf if I've spent so much time with you and you just left me. People say mental health and don't touch on anything because my personal thoughts. But you and the person were suppose to be good friends remember. And yes dramatic assholes would just make you dig your own grave so most definitely yes but I'm not talking about them, I'm talking about a big amount of people who are just doing their thing and then this happens and suddenly the trust and "vulnerability" as you put it is gone.

Yeah you can absolutely cut someone off without a reason and without regrets. I’ve ghosted people and have been ghosted. You owe nobody anything (not saying be a horrible human being) but if owing them an explanation means the destruction or uncomfortableness of you then don’t give them an explanation. Sometimes you have to be incredibly selfish in order to move on/get away from some people.

@@Itsalyssaaa13 thats such a cop out, as a friend or ex-friends. It doesn't matter who your going to ghost, the person could be the nicest person you've meet or a horrible gremlin, your going always feel uncomfortable because of that knowingly felt guilt. Why would you want to compromise your self respect by opting to just run away from confrontation. The part about being selfish is exactly what I mean. Why is the person that did a wrong/did you wrong equal to cutting them off. They are another person just like you are. Can't you accept that they made a mistake, went down the wrong path. Thats how people change and develop themselves for the better. Ghosting them will make them open their eyes about people who abandon others but project themselves as caring. But I also feel like I understand it to some length. I socially matured later and as you grow people especially in the UK tend to be so competitive and deceptive you gain trust issues real quick and people "ghost" to show that they attempting to save themselves or one up themselves. But I swear all it takes is a conversation with boundaries, if the person can't respect that then they actually can disappear from your life because they clearly don't respect you. Hate stems from this stuff.

also not to mention the fact that she was a deeply insecure person and driven w hatred which she later projected onto me & I constantly felt miserable… she even openly confessed that she would give up our friend group for some male validation in return. I understand her to some extent bc she was labelled as not subjectively beautiful & w our friends getting asked out except her; I truly hope she finds value in herself w/out clinging to male validation.

wow at some point i can relate to you, hopefully in the future we can find the real friends

Can I give you a counter argument? I do agree that ghosting can sometimes be the most effective thing you can do in a bad relationship. However, people are always the hero in their own story so not everyone will immediately see what they did wrong in a relationship. You proved my point by saying that you always check if you did anything wrong when people ghost you and it sounds like you don't feel like you've done anything wrong in past relationships. A little bit of closure/feedback from the other person would go a long way in that regard. A last conversation and then eternal ghosting seems like the best solution imo.

All my life I wasn't a ghoster. I prefer closure and honesty. BUT nowadays, if you want a heart-to-heart talk, you get gas lit. You just can't be honest with people or they freak on you. I'm too old to hear someone who is also my age go psycho. It's just not good for my nerves.

Hi hello 👋

Hi friend I would like to know more about you if you don't mind

I started reading the comments because i felt that i might find alot of people who i might relate to and i wasnt wrong,i would like you to read my story in the comments(newest)everything recently happend these two days and i feel traumatised، i feel like im the evil one, because when 6 people tell you that you are yoy think to yourself if it was true or not,im just glad to find people i could relate to it makes me relieved

That sounds a bit more complicated if they owe you money or something. I am assuming you brought that up with them and they haven't fulfilled their end. In that case, if you communicated what you expect of them and they are avoiding it then I don't think you owe them more of your time or energy. Communicate a boundary if you want to or not but it's fair to stop responding aka I wouldn't call that ghosting