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Q&A Live Discussion: What Fuels an Emotional Affair?
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3 жыл бұрынPeople don’t begin an emotional affair on purpose and they may not be seeking physical closeness. They are lonely and feel vulnerable or unappreciated. Having someone validate that they are special and wonderful becomes a “drug” to them and before they know it they would rather spend time with this person than anyone else including their spouse, children, or close friends. In this live discussion, I'll be discussing what fuels an emotional affair. Join me!
Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist, specializing in intimacy, parenting, body image, and relationships.
Reaction Reset is a self-help series that explains the psychology behind why we react negatively and how we can begin to make a positive change. Subscribe for a new episode every other Wednesday!
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@coach_amy 2 жыл бұрын
Companies that use Instant Messaging just make it easier for hiding at work--even during working at home with partner around. And companies which encourage social mingles and coworkers' social hours during the work day too. For some couples, their partner going to work is like an alcoholic working at a liquor store--way too many temptations.
@richardunis9204 2 жыл бұрын
Great info 👍 being cheated on an discarded after 22 year and three kids really sucks
@janinajochim1843 Жыл бұрын
Poor you!
@Mothermochi Жыл бұрын
My marriage is ending, but this was a huge part of this. My husband was involved on multiple affairs like this. He was so disconnected he did not care to notice how much I was struggling during the pandemic with grief and injuries. This was devastating. I called out one. We tried to work on it but there were always others. So anything I did was under a microscope. Nothing was good enough. I was avoidant with it because he was addicted to the phone. There was no use starting fights and being isolated. He claimed to be depressed and that shut down any other attempts to talk about it. From the time he opened his eyes to the time he went to bed. I had so much on my plate I just hoped he would see how much value in our family was- but he didn’t. He is chasing something else, that I could never be apart of.
@justicebolton4844 Жыл бұрын
I thank you for helping me, for I had no clue or words for what I was experiencing. Because you spoke of brain fog, fatigue, headaches, lack of sleep, depression. I was able to understand and navigate better. Everything you said basically it been like chattered glass. There's definitely no way to pick it up and put it back together like it was before. They say hurt people hurt people, but thank God you made it clear so many times it is on the cheater, not the betrayed. If not for our baby, I would certainly run for the hills. I still love her, but it is so murky now, for I lost all respect, admiration & so much more for her. Within 24 hours, 4 years, and an engagement desolved. My focus is on me and my son as of now. I'm just going through too much in my head to care about the emotional cheater's concerns.
@gregclark5640 3 жыл бұрын
These emotional affairs sound like trusting this friend, then just listening and agreeing with everything said, instead of an opposing opinion, this friend doesn't live the life your in, and boundaries crossed are unexceptical.
@MaryJoRapini 3 жыл бұрын
#Truth You must confront the cheater....always. In all affairs, esp emotional affairs!
@paulthomas3015 2 жыл бұрын
My wife had several emotional affairs and one physical one. She says she’s sorry but sometimes I don’t think she’s willing to work hard on our marriage. This has led me to doubt everyone and everything in life. I’m constantly angry and I don’t trust her. She exercises poor judgment and has a addictive personality when it comes to attention.
@l.adcock 2 жыл бұрын
You are dealing with a serial cheater and someone who obviously doesn't love or respect you. Every day that you remain in a relationship with her, is just another wasted day of your life that you are giving to someone who doesn't give a damn about you and she doesn't sound like someone who is worth your time in the first place.
@Mothermochi Жыл бұрын
My husband confessed that he had always had emotional affairs throughout our 14 year relationship. I don’t think they are sorry- it’s addictive, I guess.
@kiddytube3915 5 ай бұрын
Dude, typical reaction from a guy who is being emasculated by his woman. You can’t operate like this for long without losing your mind and dignity. Hope you work the courage to Leave her
@rossothecrimson7 3 ай бұрын
Dump her stupid axx! Gather the evidence and dip!
@suzanahas4740 3 ай бұрын
I guess Your wife has emotional core wounds due to childhood trauma. Unconsciously she is looking for constant external validation bcs she had not received it as a child. Her identity had been affected as well as her attachment style. For more information you can look into the attachment theory. Of course she needs therapy. You both need therapy.
@SydneyDiva 2 жыл бұрын
Maybe sometimes the person enjoying the emotional relationship with a 'friend' is contemplating leaving a long marriage, and not necessarily for the person they're emotionally involved with, but that person may have planted seeds and given them the courage to find greater fulfilment in life than being with a person that has changed or that they're no longer connected to from when they first met decades ago.
@elikorn7418 Жыл бұрын
Greater fulfilment? How can an affair give "greater fulfilment"? Affairs are addictive like any other drug according to experts. The "fulfilment " you think you are getting is a lie. As for someone "changing" overtime and you losing connection, well, that's just the end of the honeymoon period of the relationship (nobody changed, only the brain chemistry changed). If someone leaves their spouse for someone else, the exciting new beginning will be over as well at some point.
@SydneyDiva Жыл бұрын
@@elikorn7418 yes agree with everything u said - i meant that people think they're going to find greater fulfillment coz of some seed someone they've connected with has planted.
@albertcarltonkamara9316 5 ай бұрын
I find this piece not only educative or interesting,but an eye opener into my current relationship. 15:17
@robertbourne5016 2 жыл бұрын
God Bless You for helping us , my wife had and emotional affair with her ex boyfriend and said that they are just friends which I knew was a Lie , I found out with phone records , she lied to me when she promised she would never contact him but did , why would anyone risk there marriage for this
@hbrookes 2 жыл бұрын
Even worse when the friend is an ex lover, Now she can have him and doesn't want him...too bad you made your choice!! 18 years thrown away!
@l.adcock 2 жыл бұрын
The truth is she wants to do whatever she feels like doing, while you sit around and allow her to do it. She also expects you to just continue supporting her and fulfilling all her wants and desires, while you walk the chalk line and go by all the rules that she is allowing herself to break......... Some women are worthless, trust me. I was married to one EXACTLY like yours.
@Kerplunk5150 2 жыл бұрын
Hiding comments and messages knowing it wouldn’t fly if it were the other way around everything gets deflected and denied Accusing me of me having trust issues
@karenpalmer2195 Жыл бұрын
Thank you so much. I just this week have confirmed what I have suspect for a long time. You have enlightened me about why it happens. Just when you need to talk to someone about it the person you thought was your confident is the reason for your pain. I hope she will agree to going to counseling with me but either way I need talk to someone.
@Michael-zq7mr 2 жыл бұрын
Thank you Mary you are a blessing to our world. Thanks for sharing this knowledge.
@Gonzb023 2 жыл бұрын
God shes sooo pretty and informative. A double threat!!
@velldinero5211 Жыл бұрын
I said the same thing bro
@djuanaberuk9908 3 жыл бұрын
Thank you so much for these topics. This is something that has devastated my marriage.
@MaryJoRapini 3 жыл бұрын
Glad it helped! The next one I do I will be better at answering the questions. I am so excited to add this component to my channel👍
@Mothermochi Жыл бұрын
This is apart of why mine ended.
@mickboyce386 2 жыл бұрын
Add in limerence.
@mijinkim5033 2 жыл бұрын
I love to hear what she said. its so truth
@lukeokunya2871 Жыл бұрын
A good analysis. Thank you
@HappyHolyHealthyLife 2 жыл бұрын
Your videos are so helpful!!!
@MaryJoRapini 2 жыл бұрын
So glad they help!
@diwakarmallick7713 4 ай бұрын
Emotion always wants to flow like a water but human must control it.husband and wife must be loyal to each other and shouldnot cross its boundary. But ones it crosses the things goes in very difficult and suffocating way.
@KNuzX 2 жыл бұрын
A lot of noteworthy points here, thank you for sharing!
@lindamateri9906 Жыл бұрын
Yes I saw where he told her he didn’t want sex with me so obviously they were talking about sex
@vv6130 3 жыл бұрын
Thanks a lot for sharing ur valuable knowledge..
@joseluisrosas8184 Жыл бұрын
Thanks for sharing
@rajkdabd 2 жыл бұрын
Thanks for fantastic clip. You mentioned that the social media password should be shared. True. But what if the spouse then creates fake profile and continues with the behaviour ? There is no way of knowing this unless one uses some form of surveillance. Correct?
@lindamateri9906 Жыл бұрын
Yes he sends her good morning without fail but says nothing to me whereas he did before
@MaryJoRapini Жыл бұрын
It’s an addiction. They are both fueled by the dopamine/endorphin response.
@sandblackbondchickcruz462 Жыл бұрын
I believe he is seeing a Woman in our neighborhood. He even texted her 3 or 4 times on New Year’s Eve! Who’s doing business on NYE? She texted back really late.
@donnettekonan4504 5 күн бұрын
Thank you for this video. Do you think it is safe for to stay in touch with someone they were having an emotional affair with, even though the relationship was one sided? This means that one party was sending love letters while the other insisted on remaining friends.
@tinakane4451 Жыл бұрын
You can notice something is off with your relationship no doubt but if you cant catch your partner, they lie to you about whats bothering them or going on in the relationship and gaslight you, you dont know your partner is forsure having an affair. My spouse and i got married and conceived a child while she was having a few different emotional affairs. At different points i could sense things were off, but this went off and on for years before i finally caught her. Looking back it all makes sense but i had no way of knowing she was going to lie to me everyday for years and had no previous history of cheating. I think its harder to dectect then you believe. I did not want to accuse my partner with out proof because she was not going out, she wasnt on her phone much at home, most of the time the conversations took place at work or during the drive home from work.
@MaryJoRapini Жыл бұрын
You are spot on, I think you get a feeling but who is ready to open a Pandora’s box unless they are certain. Does your partner have a history of cheating? That is quite common too.
@tinakane4451 11 ай бұрын
@@MaryJoRapini right, my partner did not and since i had been in the relationship for a decade i wasnt checking their phone much, if at all. They used snap chat alot which deleted the evidence an they were very good at deleting things every day before they got home...it wasnt until they didnt delete stuff for a couple days and i found it on their phone looking up something for them did i discover years of cheating.
@Kerplunk5150 2 жыл бұрын
Even worse when your wife works for this person. Lack of boundaries personal private and professional I know his wife wouldn’t be happy either
@l.adcock 2 жыл бұрын
You should have already told his wife. Why should he getaway without suffering the consequences?
@somewhereinthemidwest9827 Ай бұрын
What about your partner lying about his sexuality for the entirety of the 22 years of marriage? He’s cheated on me with men…
@dcanada34 Жыл бұрын
Her voice sounds very very familiar
@sandblackbondchickcruz462 Жыл бұрын
He’s always in Stockbridge I believe one of the women lives there or he is going to take the woman to lunch . He definitely does not want me at his job not until all Of the women employees are gone! Facts!!
@edwizard62 4 ай бұрын
❤
@sandblackbondchickcruz462 Жыл бұрын
I’ve never met any of the woman that he says he is doing business with. I saw a woman in Walmart but it wasn’t business at all! Not they way they were smiling at one another. It happened twice in Walmart two totally women! I think he told them to come up there.
@MaryJoRapini Жыл бұрын
Man, he has a flawed character. Really sorry you have to go through this.