the bouncer backstory is oscar-worthy holy shit

I love Gus I saw a theory that the queen of sauce is his drag persona and I will forever believe it

i was so terrified you wouldn't like haley but i've finally found someone who loves her as deeply as me and my day has been made

I've never heard of this youtuber, nor have any connections that led me here, but I think this is one of my favorite videos of all time. Well played.

Okay I cracked up at the concept of going around and spreading harmless and confusing lies to children, it's like Santa DLC.

I told a child that whenever they lie their ears turn purple. I have their parents eternal gratitude bc they cover their ears when they lie

I need to know why we can't have a one-night stand with Robin...

I’M AN ALEX APOLOGIST!! as a gay man, i have always played as a male character. as we all know he is the classic ‘jock’ archetype. but his conversation are SO different when the player character is male, we just straight up skip the misogyny storyline and go for the ‘closeted jock that has to get to terms with his sexuality’ trope and personally i’m just a sucker for that stupid outdated trope because i CHOOSE to be a pick me for straight jocks in a farming simulator!

Emily would make a chainmail gown for Gerard Way

I'm a Harvey stan first and a human second

Ok, this. This is my favourite thing, I have ever seen. I love it, I love you, I love this game. The cutthroat delivery in the most calm voice ever is genuinely giving me life and I will defend and love Sam for the entirety of that life he is my gay little husband and I will do anything for him.

i will not tolerate this harvey slander

Delighted with the pronunciation of facade as fuckade

Awww! You think Alex looks in dictionaries! Hehehe

my personal jodi headcanon is that she married kent young and didn’t realize she was a lesbian yet and now feels stuck in the marriage

finally someone who truly understands haley🙏🙏

Penny is the love of my life, you see her that way just bc you haven't gotten to know her. She is a daffodil on a sunny spring day. another slay video tho

Girl, as a hardcore Elliott stan (i am literally making a visual novel with the man), I NEARLY PISSED MYSELF FROM LAUGHTER when you talked about him😭😭 And what's worse is you're absolutely right 😭😭😭😭

YOU ARE JUST LIKE ME FR. i love Haley so much. for some reason every time i saw her i would start just giggling and kicking my feet and be the most happy person to ever exist. she’s my favorite character in Stardew.

Im the one watering Elliott’s plants with sea water because I need to see him fail

"Mmmmmmmmmm, hi Pam." Your jokes are hilarious and intelligent and endlessly creative and NEVER even a little bit predictable, but somehow this is one of the funniest things I've ever heard you say lmfaoooooo

I refuse this Elliot slander 🙄✋ be would do none of that, he is just a silly little himbo trying to make his writting dreams happen after every single person in his family tree shut him down and told him to just work some dead end office job that makes just enough money to live semi-comfortably and to let his creativity die. He's a hopeless romantic that gets all his romance tips from books that set unrealistic standards for relationships but he doesn't realize that because he's too in awe by the world building (and he's never had a date before he's too busy finally finishing that book). He's just like me in freshman year where he can write an amazing short story but his poems need help so it's workin on it but one day he'll unlock his inner emotions and finally write some poetic genius. If he ever bothers you it's because he's too silly to realize what he's doing is an issue but unlike my mother he will not take offense and make himself the victim if you approach him about it but instead is like "oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't realize I was doing that. I'll try to adjust it." This man has no social skills, probably because he's emotionally scared from his family crushing every dream he's ever had so he refuses to let anyone get close to him in fear that they'll laugh in his face when they find out his hopes and dreams (except for Leah because she understands what it's like for people to not believe in your art). I refuse any and all Elliot slander and thank you for coming to my poorly structured TedTalk. Any questions, comments, or concerns can go into my replies and I will shut you down accordingly

Krobus is the first character I married(?) in this game. I adore them.

I barely know any of these people because I'm an animal crossing and pokémon bitch to the core, but do I want to hear Salem's opinions about the farm character drama? Yes. Yes I do.

I am new to this game and you have a nice voice so now this tier list is just the truth in my mind, thank you

As a Shane lover, I can confirm that I am also not an "I can fix him" type of bitch. I initially hated Shane and thought that he was a terrible person and I only did his route because I wanted to do everyone's story, but I ended up loving his character because of his immense growth and commitment to bettering himself. I don't think that the player does much to help him other than bringing him to the hospital and showing him care and affection. Once he sees that someone else cares about him and gives him that little push, he works really hard to better himself. He puts himself through therapy, he quits drinking and he works on his relationships with Marnie and Jas. All we do is let him know we care. Plus, Shane is such a sweet little dork who is oddly charming and cute. I don't even like men but I adore Shane and who he becomes. If he was a character I would have to fix, I would absolutely hate him, but I love how he is written and I think Concerned Ape did a great job writing him! I am also a Haley lover though. Haley is the most beautiful woman alive and I would die for her.

love your new stardew content :DDD

the vibes in your videos are immaculate

This is the best Stardew valley tear list I’ve ever seen because of how entertaining it is 2 the backstory, for the bouncer should be canon and three you give dangerously funny vibes

omg this one’s gonna be so good

Putting Alex as low as you did counts as homophobia. Sorry, I don’t make the rules

I hate I share the same name with Clint.. 😫 He’s the reason I horde all my geodes and have shitty tools. I always go for Haley & Shane. 🖤

I was watching mod videos and this randomly started playing so I sat through the entire thing. You are actually hilarious I have the same humor as you need to follow I would tell multiple harmless lies to children

Cries in Accounting major

I laughed so hard and then watched this a second time with my Stardew Valley loving partner.

“If it weren’t for those horrendous clothes, you might actually look pretty. Actually… nevermind.” - Haley

My next farmer's name is gonna be Melany

i feel like we're friends now. not even parasocially i'm in your house

you're so fucking entertaining bro why u so small????? milion subs soon?????? algorythm wake up

i live in fear of this video but am also so here for it

An hour of you justifying why you keep marrying the prettiest character for more than just the fact that she’s the prettiest lol

"If you've ever played Stardew Valley..." Are you sure you aren't talking about games like the LISA series by Dingaling instead of SV?

I love Emily too! As soon as I talked with her I knew that's my favorite

Elliot is my annoying zesty theatre kid friend that I shit talk behind his back with Haley

I love emily! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

the only thing i would change is moving Kent and Jodi up (i have an ex army dad and it's very healing to be able to foster a relationship with a veteran who can admit when they're wrong and moving Jodi up cause it's hard to take care of a veteran especially when they've just arrived home)

Haley is the best character because she grows through her love for you. She starts out cute but shallow, but your relationship slowly helps her open up, appreciate the small things in life, pursue her creative passions and charity work, reconcile with her sister, and actively become a more generous and empathetic person. It's unironically the most development any character gets, but she never stops feeling like the sassy hyperfemme girlie you fell for. Haley's 12-star event is literally organizing a charity cakewalk. A good relationship helps you both grow into better people and no one exemplifies that like Haley. Also, she makes you breakfast in the morning, and that's precious.

I will NOT stand Harvey slander 💀

i bought stardew the second it came out and i was talking to a girl named robinne at the same time and robin shows up on your farm almost immediately and i was like oh hello datable npc with my irl love interest's name and then i learned robin isn't datable and then i learned robinne lied to me about her age i was 19 she was 16 and i was like it's not meant to be both irl and video game and then i knew concerned ape knew. he was communicating with me telepathically but i'm still mad about it. robinne was insane tho not in a misogynist way we were both lesbians so she was insane in the unhinged way

i'm only an alex apologist because i play as a guy. if i played as a girl i wouldn't touch alex with a 10-foot pole. he's almost a completely different character depending on your character's gender. marrying him as a guy feels extremely rewarding and sweet, whereas he's just straight up ordering you a salad at the saloon during his heart event if you're a girl all of this is to say i love alex but whenever people say they hate him i'm like "i get it no hate" also i love haley so i appreciate this video

I headcanon Jodi as a lesbian with comphet because she just *looks* like someone who immediately settled down after high school because that’s what her parents thought was “right”. But those are just silly little thoughts, though! :3

The Abigail being the daughter of the wizard theory is super basic though. Like Come on You make up a backstory for the bouncer but can't come up with something more plausible than "caroline fucked the wizard"? Other candidates for the wizard's child are Caroline herself and Jaz btw. Why caroline: because of the green hair. There are three people with unnatural hair colours. Abigail used to have chestnut hair and admits openly she dyes her hair. Emily is also likely dying her hair because why the fuck wouldn't she. (Birdie is magical) And Caroline? Well. She's middleaged, has specific dialogue about how abby should stop dyeing her hair probably and it would be really hypocritical of her to ask that of her daughter is she was also dyeing her own hair and green to boot. The witch might have had green hair for all we know, because all we *do* know about her is that at one point her skin turned green from anger. And what about Jaz? Well, it's the proximity, the fact she has *no* known parents. She might also actually be the wizard's granddaughter (grandfather doll inndollhousenwedged under the bed). In any case, what we do know about her is that her parents are dead, shane is her godfather and marnie is her aunt. And that they all live close to the wizard's tower. So. What if. The reason the witch is so mad at the wizard and divorced him because he caused the death of his child and in-law, leaving Jaz orhpaned. She got so angry she became a witch and distanced herself from Jaz as tonnot cause her more harm, while the wizard a) might not care cause he sucks, b) might feel guilty so he doesn't approach jaz, c) secretly looks out for his grandchild out of guilt, if he even is capable of such feelings (probably not though). (and her hair colour is the next unnatural adjacent hair of all the characters, being all purpleish-black In any way, either of those theories are imo better than just saying Abby is his daughter and going from there. Pierre is shit, but I do believe Caroline is too fucking chill to ever even consider infidelity (like. The woman drinks tea. And gives you the knowledge of tea). I rather think she at one point almost divorced pierre when Abby was little, but that's another thing entirely. Anyway. The war. They fighting the gotoro empire. *EMPIRE* I think a lot can be inferred from that alone. They also don't just have a mayor, but also a governor. Smells like democracy to me. So yeah. Kent was fighting imperialism and a possible hostile takeover.

Super average Haley enjoyer W

i needed this video!! i think i would have ranked all of them about the same as well. except i love granny

I just bought stardew valley last week and just ✨fell✨ in love with Haley for no reason 😂 I didn’t even know she was a marriage candidate!! I’m so close to marrying her and I’m so happy someone else likes her ❤❤❤

as someone named Haley, listening to this fueled my ego tremendously

Started playing before shane and emily were dateable so I went with Sebastian but fr I wanted to date shane SO BAD i'm so glad he was added as a dateable npc

girlypop what is your tumblr because I know you have one I swear, if you don't you would kill it on tumblr

🤨 wait the wheat grass thing is a lie??

19:46 another thing, george is homophobic until you reach 10 hearts with him and you marry alex

ANDREW TATE'S MUGSHOT 😭😭😭

20:20 this part made me laugh because he looks almost identical to my dad

I’ve never wanted to steal someone’s personality as much as I want to steal yours 👁️👁️👁️

Alex Apologist here: OK I think with Alex it really depends if you play as a male farmer or a female farmer and I always play as a male farmer so I cant really speak from the females farmer POV but as a male farmer his story arc is so goood like its starts as a stereotypical misogynistic jock but then he starts to open up about his family (4 heart event) and his alcoholic father and how he feels worthless because of him AND HIS MOTHER FUCKING DIES and then his 8 heart event just comes in for the final kill and absolutely destroys you and then his 10 hear event he confesses that he has been denying his feelings feelings at first with the "Im a boy, I cant like another boy" and I know im a year late to the party but I think what sways me the most is that half the fandom thinks that the most cannon thing aside Haley x Female Farmer... is Alex x Male Farmer

Make the bouncer movie please

I think this list was made by Hayley

I love Shane but the real love of my life is Robin. What a disappointment that I can't marry her :(

Watching this not knowing who anyone here is and enjoying your opinions.

As an elliot fan im very happy he isint bottom tier 😔 im not very well fed

Uh, no. Hell no. How DARE you not put Gus in top tier. How DARE you. He doesn’t have a single flaw. I’m also upset about Pierre, and Gunther, not bc I like them but bc their designs are too cool to put that low.

i like demetrius. I usually play as a male character and do we really want to encourage maru to throw away her academic aspirations for a man? I dont think so - i love women in STEM, and so does demetrius Also he literally apoligizes for being weird in that moment AND he is established as not being able to read social clues that well

Based Emily enjoyer

I dunno you but I think you're funny

38:27 Maru IS ROBIN’S CHILD!!!!! Only Seb was a child being brought into a marriage…

alex actually becomes better if you're a gay guy and date him which is.. something

finding this video is like getting in a purgatory after a full life of emptiness dull pain despair and lament where the only crimes i've ever committed were pirating tv shows and a teeny-tiny tax fraud just because i was too miserable to do anything else and meeting the most beautiful radiant magnificent angel who offers me a cigarette on sight pats me on the head and says you've done well little guy now it's time to rest and we have an afterlife long deep discussion about life death philosophy and societal concepts where by the end of it i ascend on a new level in a way that i become an ethereal overseer of the purgatory together with you who offers consolation to misguided souls ending up there. absolutely fantastic. changed my brain chemistry.

my power went out so i'm sitting in my car for air conditioning and i feel bad for polluting the planet but i'm also so poor i have $1.10 in my bank account so i can't even drive anywhere to buy something to sit there because our country is so evil you can't go anywhere without buying anything and loitering is a crime i hate capitalism so much it's unreal so anyway i'm watching this video and can't stop commenting hi

now i Know that is not how you say facade. i forgive you though but it better not happen again

I would pay to have a DLC where Robin brakes up with Demetrius 😂 it is so unfair how pretty she is I feel the same way about Caroline, they both need to divorce their husbands ASAP both are incredibly toxic in my opinion

i think u just like women 😓😓

dude ur funny as fuck

i felt the same way as you about alex until i played as a male farmer 😭 i was like "oh hm i have never married anyone but abigail, maybe i should pay attention to some of these men that my lesbian ass never bothered to talk to" and then i tripped and accidentally fell in love with him. i literally downloaded a romanceable wizard mod specifically for that run and then uh oops i married this himbo now

first!

I honestly do not understand the Clint hate.

I got to "i like seeing men lose" I get that it's a meme, but I'm just here for stardew. Why you gotta lump us all in with tate

I love this video way too much the way you describe everything is just,, 🤌✨️ UFDSDGJJJJKJFDDC