The person who was the most invested in the relationship.

"Women fall in love in a man's presence. Men tend to realize they are in love in a woman's absence." "Women care too early and men care too late." that's the history of my last serious relationship....nothing to save now

I am a man and I felt real physically pain after my breakup... I never knew emotions could make you feel so physically ill and in pain.

I was in a relationship for 7 yrs and we broke up due to his betrayal and now its been 2 yrs and i am still not healed whereas he has moved on and married. I think it depends on how much you have invested on that person and how much effort you put into that relationship that takes longer to heal.

I think what this discussion has failed to mention is that women have a tendency to mourn the relationship over a long period of time attempting to salvage it before coming to the conclusion of ending it, therefore, when it ends, it is not sudden, but it has been a long while coming.

I think the one who cares and loves the most ,suffers the most 😥.

As a woman I do think women suffer more at first but in my own experience once I grieved and processed everything and I'm healed I truly move on. Once I'm done I'm done for good. Never have I ever gone back to an ex. Not once in my entire life . I always feel like I mature a bit more after a brake up and I genuinely just close that chapter. I have some male friends that I have seen struggle over a brake up much later while their ex truly moved on.

I think men suffer more long term, permanent damage because our society does not raise men to be vulnerable, introspective. They often won't seek help, process their feelings and behaviors and so they jump into new relationships, sleep around, keep busy. But they don't heal or change. Women in general will take their healing time, seek help, share with sisters, and look for change...

Also, women usually “have already checked out of the relationship way before she leaves it, therefore, she will be perceived as “getting over it” faster

I think it all depends on who initiated the breakup. I feel like the dumper always feels relief/happiness after they leave, and the dumpee is left feeling worthless and devastated in most cases. The dumper will probably be excited to go out and "explore" the new options at their disposal while the person who was dumped will begin to process the breakup first. From what I've seen, the dumpee is the one that levels up after a breakup because they work on themselves and genuinely want to improve while the dumper initially fills the void with random distractions to convince themselves they made the correct choice, and maybe experiences remorse 3-4 months down the road.

Broke up 3 weeks ago. I am in hermit mode. Introspecting my part in the realtionship breakup. Recalling my errors.. the times I hurt her. I Have no intention of looking for another relationship. Heal, to not bring baggage to a new relationship.. Self acceptance. Self improvement.

I was so miserable in my relationship for years, that when I finally left, it was a relief. I shed no tears. I got my life back.

I think it depends on the psychological make up of each person regardless of their gender. Being unable to heal and move on, is proportional to the degree of childhood trauma. However and Interestingly, I’m in my early 60s surrounded by unhappy lonely men, while the woman in my circle are happier staying single.

I think it also depends on who breaks up with whom. It is always easier for the people that make the decision and way harder for the people that are blindsided by the break up.

The break up was a huge blindside. I was 15 weeks pregnant and he (no kidding) very abruptly walked out of my life and shut every door we ever had. I ended up miscarrying from the literal heart break. But I began to figure out how unhappy I was with him. I lost myself completely and started living through his life and he had very different goals than me. Even though losing him and my baby is hard (happened 3 days ago) I feel really strong and courages about it. I can begin into feel like myself.

I also read in a study that men's grieving-period is more characterized by anger. Where women tends to blame themselves more. - Ruminating over things she might have done differently. - or not.

Women suffer more in the beginning, men start months later. Months went by me living in pain and confusion and I was so relieved when my depression turned into anger, fury then slowly I let it go and moved on. By During my grieving period he was living the best of his life and carried on inflicting even more pain. By the time I started to get up and to heal, he went through half a dozen women and slowed down then went into depression, regret, guilt and was begging for a second chance. Just when I finally started to let him go! Totally messed up and dragged me down with him. The second time what helped that he called me names for not forgiving him and not giving him another chance. That immediately sobered me up and moved on so easily as the wind blows. He is still miserable and in depression, after 1 year, and hoping to get together. Me? Totally neutral now to him, like he'd never be in my life. Guess, if he wouldn't cut that deep into my heart and wouldn't walk over me so easily and coldly, I might missed him, but now I just miss the time I wasted on him.

This is spot on. As a woman, I suffered immensely after my recent break up. I am talking panic attacks, getting physically sick, quitting my job, full on depression. I’m nearing the 3 month mark of my break up and although I’m still feeling that pain... I also have processed so much of what went wrong. What didn’t work, and ultimately why it was a good choice to end the relationship. I know my ex has been dating around. He did that almost immediately and he has also tried to reach out and I have avoided all contact except for one moment of weakness when I responded to an email. But... I guess what I am trying to say is that my healing process has been all encompassing and intense. Therefore, I feel like once I genuinely get over it... I truly will be over it. I will always feel sad at the fact that things didn’t work out because it’s not like it was just a relationship that didn’t pan out and oh well. No, this was the person that I saw myself building a life, a future with, and growing old with. I will keep growing and as a woman I can say that I have been feeling all of my emotions and letting them come and go as they please and simply trying to observe them without judgment. I wish my ex all of the best, but from afar.

after reading the comments i feel i’m not the only one who’s in pain💔

As a woman, my self-work post-breakup was not progressing for years because I didn't have close female friends to talk to about it. Not all women have this to help them along.

I never heard from my ex after he SHOOK MY HAND(😂), called our relationship a day, basically said "we tried" after all the talk/discussion and 18 months, he did absolutely nothing about it. He said a relationship shouldn't have problems... (wtf 😂) Now I understood how little he was investing and either never loved me, or/and didn't want to commit, despite all the love and marriage talk... Stop guessing, when words aren't matched with actions, run. You'll save a lot of pain. I was physically sick too, but from the emotional stress from the relationship, I recovered 2 weeks after the breakup though. 💪

I grieved the relationship first for months after and now that I’m moving on he’s hurting. He was busy with others girls while I was crying and miserable plus found out I got cheated on.

Personally after being hurt so many times by men It brings me joy that some will never get over me what a confidence boost

I feel like it's a cultural pressure. Men are taught positive messages about being single, the player, or the bach man who should play the field while women are given positive messages for being chosen, in a relationship, or getting married.

So many guys I date are stuck on their exes. I have never been able to break through That with guys who are still stuck. I don’t want a relationship in which I’m not the one he wants and can’t have

When my girlfriend broke up with me I didn’t even wanna be with my friends, I just wanted to go home and cry and listen to sad songs, I thought that was bad for me but I guess it was good? Well it’s been 2 months and it still hurts a lot, I also cried harder than I’ve ever cried in my life after I got off the phone with her

I believe that the answer to this question is not gender related...those are just numbers. There are certain stereotypes that apply but the one that was most invested in the relationship suffers the most and the longest regardless of how many options that person has. An important breakup in ones life is a major personal transformation that cannot be explained.....and it is so fucked up sometimes

I’m a few days shy of 2 months since my breakup and it feels like this heartbreak will never end, today has been really hard on me.

I think women recover faster after a break up because we give all we have to save before we give up and walk away. At least that's been my experience. I've been married 3 times. The 1st was physically abusive, the 2nd emotionally abusive, and the 3rd he ended up ignoring me. I'm happier by myself than putting up with what I dealt with. I'm currently looking for hobbies to occupy my time. As an older woman, I just don't trust men anymore. I've worked through a lot of the hurt but I think ultimately I'll be happier by myself than in a relationship.

the fact that the person is the one who courted you, but not the most invested one in the relationship is so sad

From my experience women get over it incredibly quickly. Usually they are already over it by the time they say they want to breakup.

Whoever is reading this. Please send prayers my way. I feel numb tonight. Lonely and dead. I wasn't the dumb girl. I was the mindful, the sincere and the kind girl. He was a good guy. I loved him. I had to leave him due to betrayal lies and gaslighting. Nothing felt real anymore. I had to disintegrate and crumble down complelety. I'm an aries, 23 year old and an ENFJ. I was so full of life and. It was not easy to court me. And. It was much challenging to keep me. Because I was an addictive ball of energy. He worked so hard to persuade me and win me. He said over and over again that I changed him. And that I was the blessing and light of his life. We were going to get married. The families were involved he never had a perfect family but I did and. He felt lucky to run into me. All so he could break me on day. He confessed everything later on. And had the audacity to blame me for not caring. And God knows it didn't help. The ounce of respect I had for him and my faith in reality and love, just burnt down. He tried to move reach out. And then move on on. Get married and all. And I'm just lost. Two years and I didd better, i changed and loved myself, achieved so much more than I could dream of, travelled and grew and expanded and so much more. I went to therapies. I took my distance, even forgave him and myself. I still haven't healed. Like I don't miss him. Nor am I able to allow some one else in my life. Idkk when I'll heal. I'm crying rn. I'm so hurt and I didn't deserve that. And I don't know when I'll find love again. I'm offlline from socials, monotone and secretive now. I feel so dead why would someone love me even.

I think that the person who iniated the break up left the relationship long before the break up. They start physically and emotionally and then mentally. When they see someone as a friend it's easier.

Agree. I have a bunch of GF's and this is the pattern I have noticed: Women have a hard time in the beginning but quickly gather their GF's community to help her heal. By the 3rd week, they're slowly forgetting the guy and usually by the 4th week they're moving on. Men, they have an easier time in the beginning and "it seems they're cold and have moved on" but the breakup hits them later and that's when we get that text message saying "whatsup?" lol!

Not the sane if you're dealing with a narcissist. They already have their next one lined up first. So even if it was the women who had to leae/flee, although he may hang on in other ways,(none good), they have the newer victims as a distraction.

As a guy being dumped last month after a four year relationship I have been empty sad hurt everyday no contact makes it easy for me but asoon as I see her my love for her comes rushing back and it kills me because I miss our relationship so much

The person rejected has the more shattered self esteem.

This depends on the person, their relationship, their life outside the relationship, so many things... But many times it matters how they broke up: did someone cheat, did they just "grow apart", were they fighting etc. I have seen all kinds of stuff, but the worst breakups are when someone loses his/her joy for life completely and they cannot see the future. I'm not saying a person cannot be your everything, but you cannot live for someone else either. Start healing little by little, and good things will eventually come your way ❤️

When men break up they are on their own and they know how hard it will be to find and date someone again. When a woman breaks up she has plenty of options and her besties are always their to give her emotional support. Dating for men is like a lion on safari, they have to jump so many hoops and starve for a long time to get a catch. For the ladies, they are at Disney Land, so many rides to choose from but the queue is a bit longer for the best ones.

I think it depends on who is left with guilt (because of their bad behavior) and who is left with shame (because they feel they ignored the signs). It depends on the amount of guilt and amount of shame. It depends on how long it takes each party after the breakup to be open to heal. The more you are open to heal and make new connections the more the process is faster! Dwelling on the past can take a few days.. the bad taste a breakup leaves you can last weeks.. But if you're willing to be open to heal and to build new connections (there are so many good people out there), I think it really helps you move on quicker!!

Damn, I'm a guy, but I reacted more on the feminine side haha. But I have to say, going through all these emotions during the first 2 months after my breakup helped me to move forward better. Maybe women are up to something when it comes to dealing with emotions after a breakup 🤣

Right now, my husband of 25 years wants a separation/divorce. He wants to be free to do what he wants and get all the sex he wants. He is done being tie down to this woman (me). It's a lot more of why but now I have to start over from scratch. He went out for the first time in years with his single frat brothers. I feel he does not care how I feel. I boosted him up when he had nothing. He got his PhD two months ago and his credit score rose all because of me. I spoiled a man and got nothing in return. I am mental messed up. But I have to be strong for my young child.

Way less suffering in the breakup for me personally. I was suffering long enough in the relationship. I should have ended it a year ago. I feel so much happier now and it's only been a week since we broke up. I'm processing and more than sadness I have just felt anger. Angry at myself for staying and angry and him for disrespecting me so much. I think I was detaching myself emotionally before we broke up. I tried for months to make it work but he never reciprocated the effort. I made a clean break and I'm never looking back. I have my freedom and happiness again :)

As a man, I've taken years to move on. I've also taken months. It depends on so many things. Same goes for women.

The foolish one suffers more.

I think the difference is because men project their emotions externally and blame the other person and feel like a victim whereas women internalize their emotions and self blame with leads to more healing and understanding of self. Women confront their negative emotions and men run away or distract themselves from them.

I wonder how many men screw themselves over by dumping the woman, initially being excited about it while the woman is mourning, and then, after a month, realise they're deeply regretful of doing so but have now waited too long that the woman has done too much work disconnecting from him and the relationship is too far gone to rescue (or, like you say at 14:30, she's in a relationship with someone else by the time he's realised he seriously fucked up) edit: to all the men here saying they're this person and they hope she takes them back: I hope she doesn't. I hope she finds someone who actually respects her enough to not run away from her. If she takes you back she'll always be worrying in the back of her mind that you will do the exact same shit again when times get bad. You fucked around with her feelings by being selfish instead of prioritizing the relationship, and now you're finding out that there are consequences when you do that.

What % of your Instagram followers are women tho? That may play a part in that result. The study suggests @1.18 " A lot of men never fully recover from heartbreak, they simply learn how to live with it and get on with life" If you see the number of suicides and homelessness among men that may give you certain context.

Totally agree with you Matthew. I feel my ex did run away, off the hook ! He struggled with deep emotional childhood trauma , teenage trauma, lack of empathy which I picked up with and which he told me( red flags 🚩) I feel women reflect on their past relationship and heal better. I’m going through it now from November ‘22. I am moving on and know I deserve better

I definitely think those who were more invested in the relationship. I’m at the tailed end of processing a break up after almost 3 years together. He broke up with me 2 days after he arrived back from a 4 1/2 month deployment, but he decided sometime when he was away that he didn’t want the relationship anymore. I’ve processed the breakup, I’ve been surrounded by friends and family everyday and I’m 95% ready to date again (even just casually at first). It absolutely sucked because I put my all in relationships, but I also know when to stop fighting and begging for the simple basics and emotional connection in a relationship.

It doesn’t matter who suffer more. What matters is that after a breakup, do your best to avoid distractions, and start processing all emotions that’s coming up. Allow yourself time to fall apart, and hold yourself through it. Find mentors on emotional healing if necessary. Speaking from a man

Wow, your Christmas example was spot on. When that example filtered into every day, week after week, year after year I was tired of not having an adult partner. I am truly much happier on my own, taking care of myself, doing and affording whatever I want. I do hate that I hurt him by walking away after 28 years but we did not have a partnership. I just couldn't live my last 30-35 years being that unhappy.

I think it depends on who set the boundaries that were not met. If i was dumped because i couldn't show up properly, i would be very hurt. But if i left because i was constantly wore down over time, its less painful to leave.

The one that had the deepest love. But sometimes the other one realizes they messed up.. Such is life forgive and try to move on.. You can’t put a Study on love every relationship is different.

I personally think the person that invests and loves more is the one that takes longest to heal.. I know I have another few years ahead of me to heal my heart from who I thought I would spend my life with xxx

I'm here after a 7 year relationship breakdown, that has always been toxic and has recently become emotionally abusive. Trying to get my head and mind right again.

I'm currently healed about 90% from my last breakup which was an intense one. But one thing to mention is, the last two relationships before this, I used to call them, text them and be very desparate to get them back. But they blocked me everywhere. But you have no idea how suprised I was when they reached out to me to literally want to meet me, wanting to get back, asking why am I angry at them after 1-2 years 🥴🤣🤣🤣🤣. I was a teenager back then so I don't care anymore about them. But they deeply do care WOW 🤣. Let's see if the current ex also wants to come back, he's an avoidant type, so it might take him 4-5 years to come back🤣

The most common complaint I hear from married or committed men is not enough sex or that my wife is overweight. The most common complaint I hear from married women are: he takes me for granted, he doesn´t help with the house chores or the kids, he expects to have all his needs met because he brings more money or all of the money, or, he expects for his wife or go to work too, but also expects for her to pick up all the domestic responsibilities and parenting, while also providing an amazing physical appearance and lots of sex without any help from her partner. He expects to be able to do anything he wants, with no questions or explanations asked because he is the man, and also, let's not forget financial recklessness, infidelity, and addictions. Meanwhile, the woman is asking herself why in the world is she tolerating this man child, and daydreams about a future without him, and it gives her hope, inspiration, and the possibility of a new happy life... Meanwhile, the man doesn´t know what hit him when he is served the divorce papers. He thought everything was fine, because for him, indeed, everything was fine... In fact, everything was perfect for him. He never learned or was never invested in what it takes to be a good partner or a good father. He only cared about finding someone who would meet his needs. And when the divorce is final, everything is gone. His wife, the kids, the house, the life, the meals prepped, the laundry done, the clean house, the emotional support. All of that. Gone. And the only thing that the woman loses is the reason she was being dragged through the mud all day every day.

I think in the long run it is easier for us girls after the break up. Based on experience I don't leave a guy until I'm sure I no longer have anything to give.

Really loving this dialogue format. Get to see a bit more candid side of Matthew and the added value of others' input. Thanks for this.

Oh jeez I handle it like a women then. I can’t say I have ever broken up with someone I believe in trying to work it out. I got physically sick from my last one. Process it the same as a girl.

Most men don’t open up to their friends or family about how they are feeling because they don’t want to be looked down on. Truth is that talking about how your feeling inside is incredibly therapeutic. You need others to give you that reassurance in order to stay positive and prevent wasting months or years of your life dwelling on the past. Also being more open to your friends fills a void that most men seem to have which makes getting over a partner more difficult. Many men are only fully vulnerable and open with their women partners so once the relationship is gone they are stuck longing for that relationship instead of fulfilling that need from the support from their friends and family.

My 2-year long relationship has just ended, we still have to live in the same apartment (different rooms) for some days/weeks while I'm looking for a new place to move out to. He has turned into this cold human who does not interract with me *at all* like I don't exist, and he's been going out 3 night in a row already. That is making the break up 1000 times worse for me and I just can't understand how a person who cared and treasured and loved me so much like 2 weeks ago can be doing this to me. It really blows my mind how can he even have the energy to socialize and probably meet other women.0 I truly can't understand this behavior. It really f*cking hurts. Why can't he just be cold and upset? Why coming home at 4-5am?...

I think it's exactly the opposite in my case. I was the one who discovered that she is not loyal to me, lied to me multiple times etc. I was giving her another and another change, but she was more and more disconnected and distanced every time I've tried to have honest conversation with her. I've spend months processing (yes, listening to sad love songs too) what, and why have happened. I've waited 5 months for her to agree for counselling, but she stopped it after few sessions when the background story was set, and she knew it's time for serious questions. I felt physical pain, probably was in depression, have suicidal thoughts (happily I've decided to speak with therapist). At that point we are waiting for divorce trial, I'm still suffering, but she is (probably,. as far as I know her, and her behaviours) already grooming her new guy. 2 kids, over 9 years of marriage, and all she wants from me is to disappear (her words), and she do everything to limit my contact with kids, take me every penny etc. I think she has NPD, but god, how I've allowed her to take over 9 years of my life. It hurts. Every time I think I'm done with processing it, it is back. I hope divorce will be quick (no, it won't be), and I will be able to finally move on. She insist that I'm worthless, not doing anything around the house and kids, which are all lies. I'm curious if she will realize how much I was doing for her and for our relationship. Probably not, as her parents are still around and helping her even with taking the garbage out, and she has flying monkeys around. That shit hurts. Sorry for long, uninteresting story, had to take it off my chest after seeing this video.

I have just discovered your channel and I have never seen until now this level of quality in the advices, analysis and kindness ❤️

I’m in my late 30’s and in a very happy place right now. But I remember the most traumatising heartbreak of my life in my early 20’s. I remember being head over heels for him. My world revolved around him. We were young and so passionate and intense in romance,sex and even arguments. He made me feel alive and kicking like we could climb Mount Everest. I eventually found out he was cheating on me(texting another girl).I was devastated. The confrontation was so heated up. He tried to fix it with apologies and sex but I was too hurt and I kept hurting him with my words. It became toxic quickly and even though we stayed together we were just hurting each other. He moved out and I decided to stop pursuing him. It ruined my appetite, my sleep, my motivation to work, my ability to get out of bed. I could not imagine a life without him.I knew I was suffering deeply because we were a fiercely passionate couple for 3 years.I loved him too much but I decided that I would never contact him. It took me almost 7-8 years to fully get over him and I had relationships during that time but I often compared his intensity with other men which I know was wrong. My dad saw the sadness in my eyes and told me one thing which became true and that was,” it may feel like the world is ending because of a break up but time is the biggest healer and eventually you will get over this.” The assurance from him that one day it will stop hurting helped me a lot. I can’t speak on my ex’s behalf because he married another woman two years after we broke up. I don’t wish him bad. There were times when I got jealous and thought he would NEVER find what we had with someone else. Maybe we both were too feisty for each other and he has found a woman who is like a ying to his yang. It did bother me that he got married faster than I did because somewhere in the back of my mind, I wished he would apologise to me for hurting me but it never happened. My friends also helped me by telling me I deserved better and that I shouldn’t be wasting my time grieving over a cheater. It’s not that I didn’t understand that, it’s just that I was hurting that he was going to share himself with another woman the way he used to do with me. But with time the feelings fade. Things get better so I hope people don’t get disheartened and discouraged over a break up. Life is too long and time really does heal all wounds. Spend time with positive people and loved ones, work on self-improvement and travel. Open your mind to other things, good luck 😊

Im a 26 year old guy, and my partner just broke up with me 3 days ago I’ve never felt so devastated and heartbroken, my whole body feels ill so yes the pain is real for men too

What really hit me starting from 15:08 was the lesson of processing and the essence of moving forward, despite your gender.

I would have done everything for our relationship, i was invested more and loved her more. We were both suffering. I used to cry everyday because of our arguments and my insecurities, she didn’t understand me, and she was giving up on me, but i was so afraid of losing her that i suffered silently, and yet even after we broke up i still miss her, even though it was hard for me, the only thing i want is to be with her no matter how hard it was, but she moved on easily, and that makes me feel worthless, i wish i didn’t love her as much as i still do.

I am currently going through a divorce. Wife decided to leave me and it has/is extremely difficult! I feel physical pain in my heart and I legit thought I was going to get a heart attack. It had been about 4 months now and I am still trying to find ways to cope with this. I am hitting the gym and spending time with my daughters. I do wish I had a better emotional support group

Not all women, myself included, has a safety net and people to back them up after a breakup. It can be very lonely for women as well.

Wow, Matthew so spot on with women having a support system vs men and their lack of routines. I just broke up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago and all of this rings true.

Just got out of an 8 year relationship it was my choice, and I regretted it after but had to stay strong to just keep pushing through because in the end there was so much damage. We both betrayed each other and grew apart. Don’t get me wrong I miss him so much and loved him as who he was but I know we both deserve better. I hope he finds someone who will give him everything I couldn’t. I know I fell short but so did he. There’s a part of me that has hope that one day once we’ve both matured more and grown more that we will come back to each other… who knows. I just want him to be happy but most importantly I want to be happy.

It's only been a month since I initiated the breakup, and while I can say I haven't cried more than what I needed to, I have been dealing with a lot of self-inflicted anger and stress... I have since come to realize that self love is crucial in order to maintain a healthy relationship, and yet, it still seems to be a foreign concept to so many people. I definitely feel like I've matured a lot because of me having been through 2 relationships that didn't work out; one of which lasted for 9 years in a long-distance capacity. Suffering after a breakup looks different to each and every person, so in my humble opinion at least, the suffering can definitely exist in both ways regardless of gender statistics. Some men think and feel differently from other men, and the same can be said for women.

An amazing online connection that lasted for a month broke down just this week. I think she'll move on quicker. I'm heartbroken, but the heartbreak was caused by me, and especially my anxiety-induced overthinking and oversharing. I'm rationalizing it all so that I can get over it, because it hurts when we still like each other, but I crossed her boundaries, so she's not that much into me anymore.

I was in relationship with my ex gf for 3 years. I stayed so long because she got pregnant after the first year. I was miserable with her. My soul was screaming to leave her. In the end I stayed for the child and she monkey branched to co-worker. It hurt for 2 months but then I was over her and had my life and energy back. When I got over her she wanted to come back but that door was closed already for her. I still think of her now and then and of our family that we had but she wasn't the right person and I'm glad she cheated and left. First couple of months are always hard if they dumped you, but you will be fine trust me. Hit the gym, find new friends, do your hobbies, take care of your looks and body and do whatever it is that makes you happy. Remember that the other person can not make you happy. They can only give you companionship, but what's the point have 2 people being companions in the misery

I left my Alcholic ex 5 months ago and now he's in a relationship and engaged. I'm still here healing

7 year relationship-I broke up with him while still in love(he was a liar and a cheater, etc) He was in a relationship a month or two later. It took me 2 years to get over him. BUT, he was cheating during the relationship and I wasn't. Maybe love and loyalty have something to do with it?

I felt physically sick today my heart is broken … I even have diarrhoea pray for me guys

most men r generally selfish and they just dont care actually, thats the truth. ive spoken to a couple of my male friends about heartbreak and all they told me is that , they just dont care actually. we women need to toughen up and be careful of how we invest in our men cuz we are always the ones who suffer the most and its really sad

This was remarkably balanced and listenable to a broad audience AND also useful. I could see this on the radio on country christian radio, on Ryan Seacrest, and on NPR/BBC. Remarkable job guys.

Almost 7 years with her and she ended it. She said she wanted to learn to be independent and work in her insecurities. She never healed from her previous relationship. The first 4 year with her were 100+ miles away but every Friday I’d drive to her and stay with her till Monday mornings. Never missed a weekend. I invested more and more than this and what she did. I’d say I’m the one who’s hurting more. We’ll see what life brings now

Men suffer more because they are culturally taught not to take care of themselves in all facets of life and solely rely on women. In contrast women suffer emotionally (if they were broken up with) because of various manipulation tactics that men have learned to use to keep their relationships/have that constant support

It's been almost 3 months now and I'm just suffering still. I have friends and family who listen to me. I cry. I let myself feel from day 1. I see a therapist. I haven't drank a lick of alcohol or hooked up or tried to suppress anything I'm still missing her. I never wanted this and felt like I'd finally found someone I connected with. Were a few months away from our wedding. I just feel like I don't want to exist anymore

Yes the person most invested usually suffers the longest, because of genuine love they had for that person.

I had the opposite experience. Got blindsided and dumped. She was already moving on, going out with friends and doing her own thing as if she never cared for me. I took it very hard and am still processing the pain 2 months later, even going to therapy. I've just barely started to get myself together...

I think for me a lot of things were processed before we were apart, because that process needed to happen for me to finally let go and separate. It was very difficult, and was extremely physically uncomfortable when telling my husband it was over. I’m not ready to date at this point, but think I am coping better overall.

That is spot on right now with how Men & Women both process breakups and emotions. Friends are exactly that way as He said. I'm going through a break-up and I've def been grieving and processing everything. It's been some hard days, but I'm trying. I bin watching a lot of your videos. I can say that My girlfriends have been so supportive. They helped Me and listened while I was crying, hurt, in pain, confusion, and sadness. They gave their advice and I need to hear it. They were there when I needed them. Friends are the Best!

Here is why this is. Women they love deeper and quicker. They care so much especially in the beginning. However most of the time at the beginning of the relationship the man usually takes very slowly to get to where the woman is. So he does not show as much. Then the longer the relationship goes slowly the man starts to feel what the woman has been feeling for a very long time now. Except since the man took him a while to get there. He probably messed up couple of times already since he was not in-love at the beginning. Not realizing the Woman has been scarred by him one too many times. She already is out the door halfway. She gets tired of dealing with his excuses, so she gives up. She stays because she is just there, sometimes women don't even know why they are still in a relationship. Whatever she maybe feeling in the beginning how heavy it maybe. The man exhausted her efforts. So by the time he catch up to her feelings a long time ago. She is done. Vice versa. This is why one is more likely to suffer longer simply because of the amount of coldness they gave the other is now being given to them.

Interesting...I had two experiences where I really struggled after the breakup. It took a long time to move on and not feel hurt. In both instances, the men reappeared several months after me finally being able to move on (which took a year +), hinting or admitting that they missed me. The times I wasn't that hurt and moved on very quickly, I never heard from them again.

I think the heartache is in tandem with the depth of love/feelings invested in the person.. and crying helps a lot too..

Amazing nuggets as usual, having going through a very painful break up actually a divorce of 20+ years , this hasn’t been easy for me, but I had to stop processional and move on to rebuild my life. Talking to girl friends, sharing, expressing myself was a process and the decision to live my life with self-awareness, and self- respect is my moving on moment. You couldn’t have said it better and comes as no surprise that with the absence of processing , moving on is a challenge, because regret and self-doubt can reappear any moment.

I was the opposite, he had a lot more of a community than I did, and the breakup has left me without a sense of security and home due to my inability to handle our tenancy on my own whilst he can, and his lack of communication has left me in a position of abandonment. I did a lot of the life admin, and support, and sacrifice. Needless to say on my 9th day of the break up, it’s been absolutely crushing.

Let’s be clear, people whom have betrayal trauma PTSD are not experiencing the PTSD because of rumination and talking about the traumatic, emotional injury. The way to move beyond betrayal trauma PTSD is time and a safe place to process, ruminate, discuss, and understand the emotionally traumatic experience.

The dumped one, the one who has invested the most.

What Stephen said about some men never get over it, that applies to women too and in a large part grief and loss in general. You're never over it, it's just something you learn to live with. I"m still broken over a guy from six years ago. I still miss my grandparents and my family dog who've all been dead for over 25 years. I've just accepted no matter what I do to heal, it'll always be there. The more you fight the feeling, "I shouldn't feel this way", "I"m pathetic", "just get over it" etc....the worse it gets. The more you shame spiral, etc. Just accept the pain and loss. The pain has made me a more compassionate person, and makes me appreciate all the love I do have in my life.

Depending on what of the cause of each and how you carry what you feel. Thank you Two, I learned something again.

I felt like you guys were calling me out in this. I've done a lot of processing pre breakup in the past. But I've been post relationship ruminating for a LONG time! I definitely need to move on!

it has been 3 months and this is comforting to know

This was eye-opening. It makes sense but I often only reflect on my feelings and assume he's out living it up. It helps me to be a bit gentler.