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My breakup of a 13 year relationship nearly destroyed me. It literally took 6-7 years to mostly get over it. I still have dreams and moments where is messes with me.

The flaw here is that is the study is based on self-reported reactions to a break up. Women will amplify their negative experiences to gain support, and men will downplay it. Men get alot less support after a breakup as a general rule. Go post on a forum asking for support and see the difference between if you're listed as male or female.

As a man who has gone through countless breakups, I can say they absolutely do not. Based on others experience & my own, women tend to deal with the break up a lot worse initially, but can move on a lot easier. A man may be able to not care as much, or hide that they care as much initially, but if they genuinely cared about the relationship, it hurts much deeper & for a lot longer. Edit: For everyone saying "it says this in the video" or something along those lines, well done, I'm aware. I commented this based on my own opinion, before I watched the video, addressing the title. I didn't think so many people would care so much that I stated something that the contents of the video they just watched agrees with. Well done on your observations boys 👏🏻

I used to work in Crisis mental health and we had numerous men come into our Day hospital having attempted suicide or having suicidal ideation after a break up. Obviously not all men end up like this after breaking up. I noticed how we never had women in dealing with suicidal ideation after a break up. I think women may initially report very negative feelings but we move on much more quickly and I think our social connections with friends and family really helps. My experience in helping these men in our Day Hospital was that too many of them didn't have someone close to support them through the experience.

I'm surprised attachment styles and childhood trauma didn't come into this conversation at all. I think they definitely play a role in how we get over breakups.

They only hurt women more if the woman has not emotionally checked out yet, if she already got emotional attraction for somebody else.. she will be relieved that the break-up happened because she was already emotionally invested in somebody else.

My first breakup fucked me up for a good 10 years. It wasn't about the girl, really, as much as it was about who she left me for and why. I just felt inadequate as a person. Defective.

I just had to put my dog of 13 years down this morning. He was my best friend. I don’t think it is a coincidence this clip was the first thing that popped up when I turned on KZfaq. Thank you both this has really helped.

Learning to lean into my emotions to experience them more fully instead of shying away from them has helped me deal with past trauma and breakups.

Forgiveness is a key to setting yourself free from inner bitterness, anger, turmoil ect....

Oh I don’t know. I think we just hear about it a lot more from women. Men really aren’t allowed this emotion.

Uh, I was under the impression that women typically initiated relationship breakups (because they have more relationship options and demand male performance to a high standard). If you're initiating them, you're already mentally prepared for them.

I’d like to know more about the study before accepting its conclusions. Simply asking people “How painful are your breakups” isn’t a good method IMO. One could argue that women are more likely to accurately state their emotional levels or over-state them, and that is why men seem to express less pain. As men are generally conditioned to not bother others with their emotions and look at their ability to tolerate pain as a virtue. I am not saying it’s a bad thing, but the crux of this whole thing is that people are stating their perception of their emotions instead of using a more impartial metric. Maybe one doesn’t exist, but I think it should still be brought up as people these days love studies. Especially because people can always find some study that validates their world view

Break ups actually hurt men more in the long term…

my dad was wrecked by his divorce to my mom. He went through such sadness and depression. I do believe he got over her but it took like a decade.

This was great to listen to. I have recently decided to see a therapist because what I was doing wasn't really working. He is right I started working crazy amounts of hours, working out twice to 3 times a day, enrolled into college full time and joined the national guard on top of that. Eventually as well as I thought I was moving on it all came crashing down because I was so dam tired. I avoided trying to feel the pain, I never cried. Maybe I should.

I dont think breakups hurt women more. It depends on the person. And if it is a divorce, depends on the laws and cultural support system towards men and women. It’s really multi factorial.

This is like that headline "Men die at war, women more affected".

Not my experience. I am very loyal and so I'm usually the one broken up with and have very intense pain. Meanwhile the guy seems fine. They move on and are in new relationships within a couple of months whereas it takes me 1-3 years to move on. I also "allow" the feelings. My last break-up was such a shock (he was going to move to my town because my work was more established where i live vs. his work where he lives) and it was a massive kick in the gut and i could physically feel pain in my chest for weeks. I forced myself to go to all of our favourite places and feel the intense pain because I had heard back then (5 years ago) that feeling the pain was going to be more helpful. I am not sure it helped to be honest. It was excruciating for the first 2 months and I wasn't with anyone else for 2 years and I still think about him to this day. As soon as I started dating someone new the previous guy serendipitously reached out and apologized and said he had loved me but knew he couldn't move. He said it was difficult for him to make the decision but after he made the decision he felt relief. A month later he was with someone else. All this to say, the research shows stats for the averages, but it's not true in every case.

Confronting reality and fully accepting your feelings is exactly what meditation is.

Just broke up with my gf 6 hours ago. You must have known someone NEEDED to hear this. Thank you.

My husband died almost 2 years ago and I'm still not over it. He took his own life and that was, in a way, a break up. I don't think I'll ever get over it. Ever

To be more accurate, I would assume the pain women experience is mostly based on an internal assessment of their partner’s “SMV”. If they get dumped by a guy who’s the best they’ve ever dated, it devastates them. If they get dumped or break up with a guy who relatively average, it is much easier for them to move on.

One comment on using anger for energy - my mother did that, and it was like living next to a nuclear reactor: not where you wanted to be, and not exactly the healthiest.

men are more affected by break ups, you can't go off of self reporting or whatever here because of course if asked a man will underestimate pain while women will amplify it men tend to have a break up and then withdraw, lick their wounds, and then at a future time try to enter the dating scene again but with more difficulty than a woman (because an average woman can get a date about as easily as an 8 out of 10 male) what women tend to do is try to find a guy immediately for sex, a fling, or more and can easily do it.....this is similar to a person that gets a new pet within a week of their former pet's passing it's important for men to realize that while they are pining away about the end of a relationship that the woman they are missing is likely with another man

Every relationshp ends at some point, no matter what the nature of the relationship is. I'm not even sure people have come to terms with that.

FOH bro, I've been in like 4 serious relationships, and I ALWAYS was more hurt than the other person during a breakup. Im still broken from those.

I genuinely cannot believe how intelligent of a man Andrew Huberman is.

Thanks man. I needed this to hear right now. Thanks

I don't think men ever truly get over from their heartbreaks, we move past them and drag each of them behind us like an anchor, we just get used to the weight.

I have this theory about the “one” and it kinda reflects his study about pair bonding. I think-maybe not “the one” but certainly, rare enough it seems like there’s only one, is the person who can pair bond with you the best-down to the molecular level. So in a way love at first sight isn’t entirely wrong but I think it has more to do with molecular attraction.

To all the men on here thinking the same as me, big love to you my brother! I am going though a hard time of understanding right now

Grief is love with no place to go

obviously i dont know what the women with whom our relarionship has ended feel about it but i have generally been absolutely destroyed by breakups. i will admit that i am an overly emotional person. i really wish i wasnt. it makes life much more painful.

The break-up crashes down on a woman immediately but doesn't begin to crash down on the man for at least six months but when it does it's very hard on the man, more so than the woman. The woman is over the break-up sooner. This is just my observances over many of my break-ups.

The only way out is through! This confirms a theory I’ve had in my own experience. I was so frustrated and hurt by avoidance with 2 of my exes, while I felt immense pain that in one case lingered for a very long time. I kept thinking they’re just going to make this harder for themselves down the track with continual distractions now, jumping into other relationships quickly, telling false narratives of me being the problem and them the victim, etc. So while I had a much worse experience initially, in the long run it was a wiser choice to confront the reality of the situation and feel it fully in order to recover.

A lot of a woman's love for a man comes from feeling safe and secure. If she is able to get that from another man fairly quickly she will get over it very quickly. If she's a bit older and has fewer options, the fear of being alone will hit her hard.

Sometimes break-ups make me wish we would've stayed in primordial soup. Things were easier back then.

I experienced it differently then, because it hurt me more

Took me a year and some few months to get over my ex to a full extent. But I’m good now.

I can relate to going through a break up really quick but there are many different factors that can help PEOPLE get through their break up! My personal experience is that I lost both my parents early on in life as a child, since then, break ups don’t really compare.

Looks like I'm not the only Man scratching their head on this one.

Its evolutionary. In the past if a woman couldn't get over her ex and fall in love with a new man then she would have died by lacking protection and provisioning.

2:52 I love the fact that he usado David Goggins as a verb.

Wise thought well expressed

They don't, she has at least 5 backups in case you don't work out. Honestly, men should be doing the same thing.

Yea dude idk about this one.. lots of individual and circumstantial differences. I’ve had a long term relationship end after I had decided to give my life to her. She acting in reciprocation until she moved and ghosted me without explanation. I’ve heard from friends that she is basically ignoring we had anything special and treats it like a typical relationship as if she knew me for 2 weeks.. no. We had years together and were closer way beyond the years we had.. that shit ravaged me and shattered my trust in others that im only now beginning to piece back together. Basically. Both guys and girls can be cold as shit sometimes. It’s just people! Choose wisely who you associate with!

My question to both of you is what are the repercussions mentally and physically when you are not allowed to grieve a loss due to other responsibilities

I’m scared of being ghosted. I feel I would cope better with a bit of support from someone breaking up with me. Not necessarily to explain why, but to just be present for a while. Maybe listen to a few things I want to say. Wonder how other people think about this.

Men care FAR more then woman actually, it's there nature to care for and protect. Also betrayal hits far harder because it's a sacred tribe aspect in person-to-person contact. I see ZERO evidence when I look around the relationships I've seen broken up that woman are hurt more badly then men.

"Why Do Break-Ups Hurt Women More Than Men?" Do they?

I don’t believe this is true at all. Yes some break ups men don’t care about much but some will take them years or even decades to move on from. For me, my first relationship took literally nearly two decades of my life to move on from and I still haven’t moved on from it completely.

They don't.

The more clearly you understand yourself and your emotions, the more you become a lover of what is.

I would disagree with that suggestion, and I am a woman who's had her heart broken several times....and believe me, I bleed. BUT, I think men suffer more. The difference is - they hide it.

Thanks

Yeah this is absolute bullshit. Women get down and weepy for a couple weeks and then start partying and hitting the club once their very short grieving period is over. Men carry the pain for months and years and sometimes never get back out there at all. We often carry that failure and pain with us for the rest of our days. Sick of hearing this.

It must hurt more but they recover in like 2 frikkin days bruh. even the 4s have at least three dudes lined up.

They don't

I think the ability to overcome the breakup and move on may be impacted by who initiated the breakup. Perhaps, as something like 80% of divorces are initiated by the woman, they have already decided to move on before the breakup, making it far easier. Divorce/family court outcomes including custody, access and financial outcomes also statistically favour women by a large amount. Perhaps feeling you have won and have one over your previous partner also helps to move on, as opposed to being left with a feeling of injustice and an impaired ability to attract the same quality mate, as your financial capability has been neutered with payments to your ex. Depending on what happened in the relationship, the ability to move on could also be impacted by trust issues.

Not a question of male or female; Having a psychopathy which causes a deficiency of emotional responses, lack of empathy, among other trait's, allows this very quick and sometimes instantaneous ability to detach, forget and discard a romantic partner. This trait is present in a sizable minority irrespective of nationality, ethnicity, socio-economic status, education, religion.

Break ups do not hurt women more than men. Women seek validation through victimhood. mystery solved.

My ex girlfriend from high school returns after 40 years we were talking on phone for three months felt like great Gatsby moment. I wanted to save her, she said I was the one. After all this time. We meet .. Wow, time changes everything. The phone calls were much better…. Reality sucks…

Looks like I've not been dating women. What I've dated preferred to jump ship without remorse and any regret. Saying "I love you" one day and "Yeah I'm breaking up and I don't owe you a explanation" the next. I guess I'm a sucker for h0es.

Break ups yes. But then women deal with the death of a partner better than men. Weird asymmetry going on there...

For myself going somewhere I could be completely alone, my cabin in the woods, no cell service, no neighbours, for a few weeks gave me the time I needed to work through things. Perhaps this sounds terrible to some but it changed my life for more than one reason. I think sometimes we forget who we are. I think as well as everything Andrew said we must allow and set aside ‘time’ to heal. Perhaps women more so choose to do this as men like to keep themselves busy and perhaps some are not as introspective as some women. Women also have friends that constantly ask “how are you doing? How can I help etc…” I can’t say for certain but I don’t believe men have this as often as women do. I do know if we don’t heal whatever hurt us it is doomed to repeat in the future. So forgive and heal for your own sake. ❤

How is this clip about how it's easier for women to get over break ups? It basically says women feel it, and let go faster. Men avoid the feelings so feel it longer. I do agree with a lot of the comments here - easier for women to distract themselves with attention these days. So while in Huberman's generation the men may have deflected the emotion, right now, women have multiple resources for distracting themselves ( likes, online dating etc). Sidenote: Creative expression IS healing. Very different to using a work addiction to distract yourself.

After my divorce I took 5 years of counseling and relationship classes..I learned women move on faster from the loss if a love relationship than men..women are more self-reliant. Men are used to being " taken care if " ... by a woman....I was able to handle the emotional..financial and the physical aspects of needing alone much better than he did..I worked and paid off my share of the bills...months before he did...joined a fitness club..got my life back on track..raised my sons and spent 10 years . Alone before I remarried....

That's Andrew Huberman ❤

My ex-wife is on husband #4. It took her her a long time to recover after each. Several weeks, in fact. Me, years.

Headline completely untrue.

Very true !!!

People need to acknowledge that Men experience hurtful pain in BREAKUP ,but they don't show or express it.

Home boy was on the slanging it round the whole time protocol. Sigma male grindset.

The interesting thing is that this discussion about the need for acceptance is highly relevant to virtually every context of anxiety you can experience. One of the reasons the method of turning around a "bad trip" is to not fight it and enjoy the ride, is that a bad trip is basically just an anxiety attack, under which you happen to be tripping at the moment of experiencing it. But by not fighting your feelings, you are accepting the reality and the byproduct of tension that your struggle is producing starts to dissipate which allows the rest of your body (and associated internal systems) to come back to a more regulated and even state. People who successfully turn around a bad trip often report then having one of the BEST experiences because of the euphoria that the release of that tension produces and encourages. We can also do this as a conscious form of internal standpoint management. Public speaking for example... We often engage in negative self talk about our performance because it betrays a reality of the audiences experience we can't really deny. So we engage in self talk like "Man, I don't even want to know how many times I umm'd or liked. I'm pretty sure my nose was running out of both nostrils too..." An interesting thing happens if you accept that you really WERE that person instead of just punishing yourself for being that person (or attempting to convince yourself you were amazing). If you really accept that that's who you were in that slice of context, you will begin to feel some of that tension start to dissipate. If you can successfully use that to achieve enough distance form yourself internally to be able to laugh at how much you fuck up, the shame and anxiety disappear much faster and you experience a lot less of it the longer you're able to maintain this healthy level of internal "external" perspective of yourself.

In my experience with my (Female ) exes- for them it was water off a ducks back. I think most of the time the female has processed the break up before it has even happened.

Quite a simple explanation: women are typically more emotional/neurotic and so the initial response is more intense, however, their options, as far as potential interests to move on to, are naturally more plentiful and with requiring less initiative. As an example, women are more often approached by males and so their ability to move on isn't tightly linked with their ability to actively search for a replacing partner, reducing the costs and barriers of entry.

I wish this generalization were true. Definitely has never been the case for me

Women take breaks up more to heart but it takes more for men to move on. In my opinion

This was a great explanation and interesting to learn. Extra props to Andrew for making David Goggins into a verb. 🤘

Love Professor Huberman. Even his diction, his carefully chosen words, metaphors, examples, his black wardrobe which doesn't divert from his message, so on point here, as always. An incredible scientist and truly gifted teacher.

Absolutly not i know loads of women that have or can move on immediately. Every break up I've had they have went out their way to be hurtful rather than just get on with it.

I’ll tell you why it hurts women more, because WOMEN sacrifice a hell of a lot more in relationships than men do. So when they end up in a breakup, it’s a massive “loss” of investment so to speak.

can you please paste the link for the research that hosts the main idea for this video? I want to read it.

Find your motivators, they are different for different people but it works.

With respect to Mr. Huberman, my lifelong experience is the exact opposite of what the headline states. I also think that for women it matters more about their age, when they know that their chances of having a other relationship are highly decreasing and they are not used to being the one left behind.

I struggle deeply after breakups… pretty much until I find someone new

Is there a difference between the physical and emotional pain? I felt like my chest was crushing in on itself for a few months lol.

Not true. As a man, dealing with a breakup hurt like crazy, I felt depressed for years and had suicidal thoughts. Women get over it quite faster.

I think its other way around

It's the other way round! Men hurt more !

It's always hurt me more than any women I've been with

Initially for women it’s devastating If they have been dumped but most of the girls dump the guys so it’s devastating for guys because we don’t know how to process it..it stays with us for a loooong time.. but it makes us stronger for sure…obviously not all see it as a growth process. Also I think, having lots of relationships isn’t healthy..I mean going from one to another and whatever the reason might be but after a while you stop feeling and you become numb and thus we have relationship crisis.

Women can cry for 3 days then get over something forever where as men takes years

scream therapy... I've always had this lingering desire to travel to iceland or some remote tundra and just scream at the top of my lungs. Didn't know it was a thing

I ALWAYS say (in general) women look like the break-up has affected them more in the short-term, but long-term they're better off than the guy, and it's for this exact reason: they tend to let themselves feel all the pain now so that in time they're better. Good video :)

I’ve heard the complete opposite is true. And I’m my own personal experience the title isn’t true, and in the vast majority of third person cases (friends, family, acquaintances) its the man the takes the longest to recover

Cool acoustics

“Saturday in the park…” Chicago did it.