Once upon a time there was a one sided story with a mostly untruthful narrative. And the narcissist lived unhappily ever after. The End. 😂

Don't stay for twelve years I lost the beautiful spiritual person I was and when I left I'm getting her back! Get the heck out! Now!

Fear rage envy revenge then denial 😢 rinse & repeat

A Narcissist's core and play book can be reduced to one word. "CONTROL" Whatever behaviour they need to execute to achieve that...they will. Stay away, stay wise and stay healthy. Blessings Dr C. 🙏

I have a narcissistic son 44 yrs old. He doesn't want nothing to do with me because I told him how I was on to his game and I wasn't going to live with it. We were attempting to be roommates but I had to ask him to move because I could not take the heavy vibes that he brought into my home. I simply told him if he wanted to remain this way, that's his choice but I was not going to subject myself with it by living with him. I was in a deep depression the last few months that he lived with me😢

Gray rocking really works

9 year old would not be as emotionally or mentally capable of explaining his feelings to authorities. I'm not concerned for me I can stay away from him I am concerned for my children.

From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA Thanks again… TEAM HEALTH is doing well dear Gus, and dear Dr. C.

Dr. C, is it a normal narcissistic behavior to be entitled to s**? He always brings up how I don’t do my “duty as a wife” by not doing it whenever he wants - despite if it’s my time of month or if I’m just not feeling it after a rage.

“Lying” is not a habit, it’s a choice..

My husband checks many of the boxes of the covert lazy narcissist. We are getting divorced after 25 years together. I am 67 and he is 73 and he has just gone off the deep end. Long story. One thing interesting about him is that he can talk and talk on the phone, but then clam up and hide away in person. What do you make of that. He also has so many other unique and very strange traits that I could tell you about. These KZfaq messages about narcissism have really helped me understand what has been going on all this time. Wished I had seen the light sooner. Thank you.

Does a covert narcissist ever learn to tell the truth instead of the habit of lying? I absolutely love I found you.

DrC, I was thinking “Eeyore” before you even mentioned it when speaking about the lazy vulnerable narcissist. This is exactly what I deal with. I’m also glad you mentioned how some professionals say covert and vulnerable are the same kind of narcissist but you don’t see it that way. What I deal with is he has never been “sneaky” or conniving” like a covert might be. But he is the most negative person I have ever met. When I was in planning mode to open the store, he told me a matter of twenty or so times working a thirty minute period that he didn’t want me to open the store because he was “afraid it would fail.” Not even exaggerating- twenty or more times… I put tick marks on a piece of paper I was using to take notes during our discussion and I finally stopped counting after he had said it the twentieth time. I asked him kindly to stop saying he thought I would fail. And his response was (in a sappy nice way,) “I don’t think YOU will fail. I know you will succeed. I’m just afraid the store will fail.” How’s that for twisting things?! I also want to mention, DrC, how I appreciate you sharing some of your personal details in one of your most recent videos. I really appreciate that personal touch.

Wow! The live comments when this went out live were so supportive and positive. Thank you everyone🙏 Even tho I'm a year and 2 months exited from a very toxic and destructive relationship, and the healing process has changed from hard and painful to joyous and peaceful, the comments from absolutely everyone were like rocket fuel to another level of appreciation and healing. Cheers everyone, your support crosses 1000's of miles in a heartbeat!👍❤️🙏

This certainly doesn't begin to address all the issues and ways to address their abusive tactics, but some of my confusion and "invisible-ness" went away when I stopped spontaneously volunteering - my thoughts, my time, my professional assistance, my home, my affection - without being directly asked. I thought it would seem selfish or self-centered of me to wait until they asked for my help, but it has made a difference. The narcissists in my family of origin prefer to hint and fish for favors or assistance, and then play the victim when you inevitably fail to intuit exactly what they wanted. They put no value on what I volunteer, but if they're required to articulate a specific request (in writing is ideal), they're less likely to act as if it was the least I could do or that I owed or pushed myself on them. I know they have no respect or regard for me, as a person, but occasionally telling them I can't help and helping out when, and only as much as, I'm willing to has been working for me, since there are a few decent people in the family with whom I want to maintain relationships.

Please speak to the various and sometimes subtle ways a narcissist devalues a person. Here are a few of my experiences: Years ago at a very hot crowded event, my (now ex) husband brought everyone a cold drink except me. I had to wade through the crowd with a baby on my hip to order my own drink. Recently, at an ice cream shop, my narc daughter passed out napkins to everyone but me. I had to get up and get my own. At holiday gatherings, my narc daughter takes posed smiling pictures of everyone in attendance except me. The photos of me are all candid and unflattering such as from behind when I’m bending over. She then posts them on social media. Other times, I’m completely excluded even if the event is in my home. It seems that narcs enjoy the pain of leaving you out or singling you out. Am I the only one this happens to?

Thank you Dr. C, I now realize why my narcissist spouse gets so jealous of my daughter and my siblings. He thinks that my time and energy should always be with him!!!!

What you describe as a lazy narcissist can be someone who is utterly traumatized and in freeze response. I reached that point and got judged by many people, yet I was a lifelong victim in total overload. I am pulling out of that now but to be judged by my reaction to the abuse was victim shaming.

This community is such an ongoing education along with Dr C. The narc I was with was so antisocial This is my first holiday alone but funny I feel so much joy I cannot express. Funny how that happened. Funny how people (family) stop over now. I guess they feel more 🤗

On the subject of lying: my parents accused me of lying to police and child welfare about the abuse I suffered. I think that in their minds, what they did was not abuse but discipline. So they truly believed I was lying.

I think everything in this video perfectly describes my vulnerable, covert narc husband. The simple yes or no questions are the ones he would not only not answer, but always asked me, "Why do you ask?"

Dr. C The NPD in my life recently made a comment that really sparked my interest, they said "we don't want you to be an outsider". In that moment I completely realized this person actually can't let go of the fact they have no lordship over me. This is post discard after a brutal rage fit and some months of no contact. I had to mentally take a step back, I really looked into their eyes and made the connection that this individual views me as property.

I know someone who does not seem to take his childhood pain (adult child of TWO alcoholic parents) out on other people in an overt way, but he shows signs of annoyance when he doesn't want to listen. He will huff if on the phone, or just starts talking about what he wants to talk about if he is with someone, changing the subject abruptly. He seems to like to display his knowledge (which is considerable), and once when it would be useful for a child to be given an opportunity to be proud of himself and show off a little, he hogged the stage, so to speak. He often defers to what others want to do or eat, but he seems to want to be in control of the conversation. The relationship contract appears to be "We will go where you want to go and do what you want to do, but we will only talk about what I want to talk about." And what he wants to talk about is primarily stuff "out there". If you touch on an emotional subject he doesn't want to deal with, his eyes may suddenly tear up, but he will shut the conversation down and say "I'm going to get a headache." He avoids doctors, even when it would be wise to consult one. I have pointed out numerous times that he doesn't have to blindly "trust" whatever a doctor says. He can solicit an opinion and make up his own mind how to proceed. Trust issues all the way around. When a romantic relationship fails or he can't get one started with someone he is interested in, he tends to blame the other person, when not being able to share who you really are, including all the disappointments and pain, does NOT make you good partnership material. No wonder his relationships "fizzle out". He doesn't open discussions with relatives or friends about how their their relationships are going. I can remember times when he has said that "I don't ask. If they wanted me to know, they would tell me." Sometimes he will even say "If I wanted their opinion I would TELL it to them!" Interestingly, he says he deplores women who have headaches to get out of sex, but HE has headaches to avoid important conversations. I can't tell you how many doses of headache medication he takes every day without even making a grimace. He always has pills at the ready, wherever he is. I know all this makes him sound like a nightmare. But he can be a very dependable, kind and reliable friend if you need a favor, and is generally fun to be with. He is certainly not given to the cruel behavior and remarks of the narcissist in my family, which I can no longer tolerate. But he is extremely stubborn, resists suggestions most of the time, has a defensive and negative bent about just about everything. He doesn't want to let people get too close for fear they will use it "against" him "sooner or later." He is extremely sensitive to any situation in which he feels he is being judged. Yet he is capable of love and devotion. He is a worthy person, and very talented, and often pleasant company, so he IS worth associating with. I have learned how to accept him where he is. I am concerned that, when his parents die, he may have a breakdown. I have seen this happen with other people who have suppressed their pain, and obvious hidden rage. What's your experience with this type of scenario? How can you help someone like this heal without pushing them into a conversation they don't want to trust you with? Any time therapy is offered as an option, his response is "I can handle my own problems."

Every time I ask a question I never get a straight answer. So I rephrase the question one or two times. Then he explodes “why do you ask the same thing over and over again!!!” I said because I didn’t get an answer! Dr. Carter is right - this has to be deep seated trauma. His parents had an extremely dysfunctional relationship.

I've been accused of being passive aggressive and wallowing in self pity.

My narcissistic x hates my daughter because she is gay. He’s been very cruel to her by writing letters to them as well as the family. He also has many, if not all, the narcissistic traits you have brought out. Oh I could write a book!!

"Ultimate Eeyore" 😆 That's going in my list of potential band names Dr. C! Since Narcissist's want to be seen as persons of significance, they are actually paranoid that others will notice/expose their mediocrity. While I experience these people as "exceptional jerks" they are common and ordinary and most of them employ the identical tactics. No matter the subterfuge, I've learned to trust that the pattern I'm seeing is exactly what it is. It's like they are hard-wired to be the way they are, without exception.

In Thanksgiving: { USA 🇺🇸} : btw: The Presentation: ( awareness-mental health- information ℹ️ fabulous) is outstanding: again: outstanding

How should I respond to my family lying, gossiping and smear campaigning me? I live 8 hrs away from them and am no contact with my entire biological family because of their toxicity. It seems they know they can’t get to me anymore so they’re trying to smear my character to everyone I grew up with.

I made it! Raining in New Mexico. ☔☔☔☔ Had a semi nightmare BUT I felt heart strong and was able to stand up to cult leaders. I felt so good in my heart.

In my case, he wanted me to be wonderful so people would think he must be great, but it was limited to within his parameters. If I was a good cook, that reflected well on him, but if I did something that wasn't in his service and made me look good, such as singing in church, he couldn't stand it.

Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and the Team Healthy Community from California. I hope you have a season full of family, love and peace. The ones I know are as lazy as can be and thank God breathing is involuntary or they would die from lack of breathe. They love for anyone else to do the work. They are great actors to get what they want from you. Lips move, they lie. If anything gives you a cause to pause, trust your gut. Don't make excuses for them or overlook anything. What you see is exactly what you see and get. They never answer a yes or no question. My husband would get angry when I would ask what would you like for dinner. He told me his mother never asked that and I told him that she did not ask him but she would ask her husband and not her kid. They love the way they are and do not want to change so don't waste your time trying to change them and they only get worse as they get older. I speak from over 50 years in this nightmare.

Thank you for your videos your very calming.God bless you🙏🤗🇬🇧

I found Dr. C, trying to find a way to control my temper. I had no idea what a narcissist was and it was like I was walking around blind b4 and Dr. C gave me sight. The thing I hated the most about these narcissists was I noticed because of them, I was taking on narcissistic traits. Thank you Dr. C. You are a Godsend. I looked into other videos and they give bad advice, such as trying to piss off a narcissist and doing to them as they do and that just made stuff worse for me. Thank you, Dr. C

Thank you Dr Carter ✌💜

.....there's a word in yiddish that describes a narcissist quite well: a friend of mine made me aware of it decades ago. (It's been an inciteful 47 years). Anyway, the word is........"shnorer". Sometimes spelled "schnorrer". "A person dining at someone else’s table, at someone else’s expense". "One who wheedles others into supplying his or her wants". And after living thru the years of "mess", I'm adding my own personal definition to the mix. 'Narcissists are like black holes found in space: they take and take.................................but they NEVER give back'. I love your videos Dr. Carter. Thank you for the lifeline and dragging me back up on the shore.......

Dr.C. my ex-husband has recently told me that he believes an entity that has been attached to him since childhood had attached itself to me back 3 years ago after the birth of our son. He says that it had been trying to break us up and was the reason for my anger and resentment towards him. I will admit I was definitely angry/resentful. I also thought for years there was something wrong with because of my behavior with him. He is a drinker and refused to work for 5 of the 6 years we were together. It wasn't until al-anon that I began to understand some of what was happening. Is it normal to blame behavior on dark spirits or entities?

Yes we are a trophy because they want to look good on the outside that they have someone that loves them! They are special!

Dr.C., Thank you for helping educate us on this topic and leading us on to Freedom. I am a Senior citizen,married for 25 years now to someone who I now know is a Narcissist because of your program. I am also a minister and recently as I was getting into my sleep regimen and I was quietly praying next to my husband like I always have and suddenly he speaks out and tells me to stop it. He says he’s Tired of listening to me muttering every night. ……. I had courage to say “No!! And I don’t care if all you can do is listen to me mutter; I wasn’t talking to You anyway. 🤷‍♀️😉😂👍🙄😂

I saw this in college.Narcistic students sometimes didn't do so well.When asked why ,they always said that as the professor said,you didn't read the book.These are great views and life experiences 👏 😂

My Narc FIL: He is text book with the exception of one characteristic that I have never heard spoken. Example: We went to dinner at a Chinese Restaurant. My husband his son, corrected him about another siblings child. He immediately started texting that grandchild (42). The waitress (inches from him) brought the bill with fortune cookies. He never looked up. We ate our cookies, laughed about our fortunes. He never looked up. My husband placed a credit card on the bill tray. The waitress took it. The waitress returned with the card and receipt. We pulled away from the table. FIL finally looks up and says “We haven’t paid the bill”. My husband response “We are dining and dashing”. He actually thought we had done that and was saying we could be arrested. Is this just him? Or a NARC trait? He does this fairly regularly.

Blessings to All. Thanks Dr C and Team Healthy. ❤

Human healthiness is universal so is unhealthy, hence narcissism becomes universal, narcissists from four corners of the world act almost the same way.

Why would a covert narcissist crave having children, only to alienate them from others who love them? My relative freely admitted this obsession, and yet she alienated her children and grandchildren from their parents. Was it just to have a living doll to pamper and live through vicariously? If so, why reject and scapegoat her only daughter?

I love your videos and your videos give me hope and freedom to keep hanging in there I’m a work in progress Thank you Dr. C your a blessing beyond words of gratitude 🤗❤️

Another interesting thing I noticed about the truth telling aspect, when they act "self aware" and tell you they are "actually being truthful which is hard for them" they expect praise and a cookie for small good behaviors that are literally behaviors that should be the norm. My ex was very much like that and I remember my father screaming me into a corner as a child saying "at least I dont hit you! You should be grateful that I DONT hit you" they train you to be grateful that it COULD be worse but it "isn't" even though its still horrible but you become conditioned to be thankful that it isnt worse. Very manipulative.

Proper healthy guy dr c 😂🍀 💪 happy to have met you

I wish I would of seen your videos back when I was younger and I wouldn’t have married my husband of 40 years now

Thank you dr C ! I'm going to re watch this video more times in the next hours. First time was without subtitles. I want to be sure not missing any word 😊

More to life than drinking beer and Happy Hours

So appreciate your taking the time and energy to do these ... almost feels like video classes for us, Doc -- I always learn so much 😊🎉

Why do narcissists have so many addictions, my husband had a porn, gambling and pot addictions and told me I am not going to quit and yelling at me.

I love our Wednesdays too. Hey, Team Healthy!

For the record- Wishing you, your family and Puppy 🐶 Gus { a Regular Dog} : btw: a nice 😊 afternoon and as well a pleasant evening ahead

Dear Dr. C, thank you for your great channel and the life-chaning information you offer to us. A few months ago, while we were having a heated discussion, I caught my narc (with whom I share 30 years of relationship) smiling with pleasure behind my back. Also a few months ago, a phrase slipped out of his mouth as I passed him: "I love to see people suffer". The phrase escaped him in a whisper and I don't think he was even aware that he had said it out loud. Is it possible that narcs lose a certain ability to hide or disguise their narcissism with age, or do they simply become more insolent or aggressive and don't feel any more the need to disguise their character? Thank you.

Can one be triangularwd with a pet? My music partner who I feel is definitely a narcissust,refused to put his large dog in another room when the subject of rehearsing at his place,came up. I immediately got a rehearsal room at a neutral place,but I know he enjoyed one upping me. He has done this also with a person, at a music gig,saying that he'd rather be doing his own gig even though we have worked together,for 10 years,as a duo,where I have booked all the gigs.i Stat working with him because people like the music,and he is one of the few one man band musicians in my area.

God bless u Dr. C!!!! I can't get tired of telling u how much I love and appreciate u and all ur hard work💗🙏🕊

I work with and technically for my only friend of 25 years. I have a wonderful state of Wisconsin job that I am blessed to have gotten through him and I am 56 years old. Never realized that he chose to get me into this job so he could just rip me apart inside. I didn't even know he had this affliction and I literally have to work with him face to face every day and add to this that 20 years ago I was his boss in his early years in the painting trades and was nothing but impressed with him

I welcome the narcissist to call me a narcissist or toxic. My response to that is to say I'm incurable and its time to go no contact with me. That gives me a way to escape the narcissist.

Dr C, you have no idea how much you have helped me

I find it hard not to ruminate about conversations with my narcissistic mother, she tried yet again to convince me to ditch someone in my life this time my father her ex husband of 50 yrs! I was sternly quizzed on why I want to keep contact with him because he is such a bad person..I remember a lot of the toxicity between them and they both contributed to violence, he recently told me he’s ill and would like me know what he is leaving me in his will, this made me think it must be serious so mentioned it to my mother who said oh is that why you have him in your life to see what u can get from him! I was also told not to mention her name or anything about her in my interaction with him..I was very proud of myself not reacting not explaining but I still can’t stop thinking about the conversation

I am guessing the number one habit: LYING! Looking forward to catching up on this. Thanks, Dr. C. :)

Thank you Dr. C for clearing up the difference between Covert & Vulnerable Narcissists. I look forward tp your Q & A because I always learn something new and it reminds me I'm not alone. TY🐶

Thank you so much for your help! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving and have a blessed Christmas!!

👍🍀 keep up the best work dr carter ! You know everything about what I’ve lived with for the past 25 yrs never thought that someone could have understood so much about this type of poorly person! Thanks for the much appreciated lessons, it’s helped massively! Best of luck to you & your followers 💪

Thank you again Dr. C 👍

My sister is a perpetual victim of her ailments. Her whole identity and everything she talks about revolves back to her pain. Her lack of initiating contact, her giving up on a working career and living off of her husband, etc, etc. if you offer a solution, its simply excused away and if you dare challange her victim status, watch out! She will become aggressive and verbally abrasive.

Thank you for being here for Team Healthy, even during the holidays. 😊

Thank you so much.

Im being guilted that i dont want to spend xmas with the family. They dont understanding that my sister wont hold her rage against me for going no contact. Even though theyve seen her spoil special occasions again and again Im the one thats being unreasonable. Why do they need us to get along?

Thank you

Thanks so much for your energy and putting this content out for folks. I appreciate it and have learned alot from you and continue to. Skén-nen/Peace

Our father was high on narcissistic spectrum. Our sister (57) most certainly also has characteristics, but much less than our father. She has had good spells for long periods on end. That is that trust and reciprocity was there. It is only not always steady and at times it turns and we get the accusations, the flip side, the conflicts that you can never 'win'. And that feel so unjust / unqual. Is a person is not full on the spectrum, but half for instance, how should you look upon that? Is a person narcissistic, but learnt how to not show it and learnt that you cannot receive trust, unless you also give some attention to the other person. It sometimes felt like a 'trade'. Our sister is very insulted that I went out of contact when ill and empathy fatigue. Can I take the risk of starting up a more distant relationship or is it better to leave it as it is. no contact. ? Thank you dr C !! For all your sharing! It has helped me a lot !!

Dr. C - you recently mentioned dark empath, I think in a guest stream, and I'm wondering how it differs from a covert or vulnerable narcissist.

I’m pleased you’re pleased sweet dreams boss man 🙏

I was wondering drc, my husband is up on two sexual assault charges and to physical assault charges one of which my son was a witness to, if this is going to cause any change in him not that I would ever take him back I will not, but the court system here in Canada is so archaic they do not understand that if a husband and father is willing to beat and rape and to every type of abuse to the wife plus abuses to the children that are not as

My favorite thing about dr. Carter is when I listen to his videos outside while I'm bbq'n, his videos are like narcissist-be-gone, cuz that collective family 4 houses down will leave me alone. It's like your videos are their kryptonite

Once you've done divorcing the Narcissist....what would be a good book/resource to be able to move on from that kind of abuse?

Love your videos Dr. C.

I sure do appreciate you immensely Doc. In fact it felt like you were right inside my household with how spot on you are. Twice I burst into laughter it was so accurate knowing at the same time there is nothing funny about the situation. I sure hope you had a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving with your family.

They know they are lying, and they know they have to orchestrate their story or circumstances to try to justify their actions to everyone, and the person they do these tacts on, they are trying to make them look like the bad person, all the while the one doing all the lying and justifying their bad behavior (so subtle, by the way, that it's hard to articulate into words), they get to walk away like they are a good person.....

Thanks DRC. Thanks to your knowledge and wisdom, you have given me the answers and closure that my ex Narcissist refused to give me when he lied about everything,including his sir name for 8 years, then cruelly discarded me and disappeared to god only knows where . Say hi to Gus 🐕

Dr C. These Q&A topics are important and extremely valuable. Thank you so for creating this space and all that you do for this community. I do have a question for your next session Dr. C. This has been racking my mind because I don’t know how to navigate this…. How do I respond to a female narcissist who immediately responds to any questions about her questionable behavior as it relates to the opposite sex, as my “insecurities?” I’ve noticed this defense response and immediate blame shift/gaslighting with any question asked, especially questions that force her to be accountable or to explain certain questionable behavior or actions. Would you be so kind to help me guide how to respond when she uses the “your insecurities” response as a way of ducking questions? These questions are asked in a clear, rational calm way, often written or communicated verbally. Thanks Dr. C.

All vulnerable narcissists are covert, but not all covert narcissists are vulnerable.

Thank you dr Carter ❤

Dr. Carter If you love your work , if you enjoy it ,you're already a success You are a very nice expert in your field Listening to you always always gave me peace Thank you

Hey Dr.C

Good day Dr. C! First of all, thank you SO MUCH! For 5 years leading up to now I had zero idea why things were the way they were. My husband doesn’t fit the classic narc description but I’ve always felt there was something wrong with the guilt,the feeling of not being good enough, being inadequate, being incapable that I kept feeling all these years in our relationship. I’m absolutely ready to leave but the problem is I’m in a legal limbo at the moment waiting for my documents to be able to go back to my home country. I have to stay sane and decent for at least 3 months, with my husband who’s gone completely off his rocker since I stopped complying. How do I navigate this without aggravating the situation? Your advice will be so so appreciated

Alt reality....its projection too. 🙃 Friends thought we were a perfect couple. My sister called us Hansel and Gretel. I felt very lonely.

I don’t know if it’s my device or the platform but my comments did not show up in proper sequence.

Real interesting video for sure, but I am compelled to say that your shirt is gorgeous. Good taste as always.

Dr. Les, I really enjoy your Wednesday sessions! I get home from work, and it's like having a smart brother or dad over to my house giving me good advice! Thank you, Dr Carter

What if they say something about how important they/their job is, but, instantly retract it? What does that suggest?

My 60yr old son has broken our family because of his useless girlfriend and now its everyone else fault he repeatedly sends me dreadful msg and for 7mths i did not answer them but recently i decided to poke the bear and give him a few home truths i had a 2word reply f...off hes been very quiet since then i know hes missing his family but is just to stubborn and selfish to try and fix it as his 80yr old mother this just breaks my heart ❤️ but i know i cannot fix him 😢

Authentic is Merriam-Webster Webster’s word of the year.

Our behaviour can not be far from duality and something in between on the spectrum.

Do they know they lying? Do they believe their lies? -> They know. They also remember the lies they tell others to cover that previous lie. Don't underestimate covert narc's ridiculous long term memory.

(Learning) Time and patience does reveal tendencies and reputations of a person. Q: Can the vulnerable narcissist because of their depressing mood and their wanting or needing to isolate themself from anothers point of view ever come around? Is it depression or their personality?

Hello Dr. Carter, my question turned into an essay, is there an email address instead. I did shorten it to approximately 3 paragraphs. I love your channel and podcast.

Obvious, if he does get jail time will that help to wake him up to stop being as abusive because he will probably get visitation with at least my youngest child my 13 year old son wants nothing to do with him and by law has the right to choose but my autistic