Midweek with Dr. C- Narcissists Can’t Stop Their Scheming

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Midweek with Dr. C- Narcissists Can’t Stop Their Scheming

Рет қаралды 25,615

Жыл бұрын

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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Пікірлер: 242

@cgobeng Жыл бұрын

I grew up in a family full of varied degrees of narcissistic behavior. I was made to believe that the behaviors that are associated with narcissism are strengths. They live in a delusion, and they make you believe in their narrative. I still see myself behave in those ways subconsciously, and I ask to be called out and made aware of it now. It wasn't my 1st nature to act like those in my family, but learned and imitated behavior was often part of survival in that environment. I am grateful to these videos, because they have been helpful 🙏

@suzannahardman207 Жыл бұрын

It´s called the family system and they assigned your role in that system.

@jessicaraye Жыл бұрын

I definitely have observed this happening with so many friends/relationships, people with narcissistic behaviors ALL came from parents who were narcissists. I literally haven't met a single narc who didn't learn it from their parents. And often times it is like you said just learned behaviors to survive as a child. Good news is people like you who realize this, can overcome it.

@carolnahigian9518 Жыл бұрын

me too! I was TARGET-& scapegoated Daughter of CHEATER FATHER& miserable Mother!!!

@cherobinson6371 Жыл бұрын

I had a family of narcissistic too. Very insecure bunch who gaslit me and most of the reasons they attacked on me? Was fact I have a birthmark that covers half my Face. So here I Am already facing Bullying and discrimination and they? Discrediting everything I tried ,mocked me, discouraged me from trying to better myself etc. Took me years and years to realize what they were doing and 2 cut them off from access Too my life. I literally had 2 move a thousand miles away from them!

@jessicaburnette5224 Жыл бұрын

😊

@ek9348 Жыл бұрын

for the woman who went no contact with one of her kids and for all the people who deal with 'friends' who don't understand your decisions: a quote which helped me a lot is 'their expectations are not my obligation'. You live your life as you want, not as they want. Stand your ground firmly. You don't go 'no contact' over one night. There is simply no other option at one point. Keep these people on arm length and follow your own path. I went no contact with my manipulative sister and I have never had such a calm life since then. Best decisions ever. And I struggled with the responses of others as well. But I see the positive outcome for myself by going no contact. Enough is enough. Self protection is key!

@Pamelitachickita Жыл бұрын

Absolutely! It’s a process of learning to respect yourself that gets you to this place. Once you choose no contact, it’s so lovely, you just can’t imagine returning to a non existent, one sided relationship.

@carolnahigian9518 Жыл бұрын

For : his 2 daughters + our Two sons to despise& ridickule me.. pretty COLD. Children participated inbhis cheating,too

@MicheleLHarvey Жыл бұрын

Why does a narcissists win instead of the empathic, kind person? Narcisissts ar Kamikazes! They will do ANYTHING to win. No conscience to stand in the way.

@Lemana28021989 Жыл бұрын

They have nothing to lose.

@MrTarot87 Жыл бұрын

There doesn't seem to be a single decision made that isn't premeditated by the idea of "What's in it for me?"

@griz800 11 ай бұрын

Narcissists see every relationship as a competitor. Most family courts are adversarial. It's a playground for abusive personalities in general.

@annewrites...8385 Жыл бұрын

I went to marriage counselling with my ex-narc. The psychologist decided that because I was asking for change and more conscientious in the relationship, I could do (all) the work, and when I insisted something was wrong (with him) citing many examples of abuse, gaslighting and lack of empathy, she told me there was no such thing as normal. Then she asked me how I could work on my emotional dysregulation because it was hard on him. He loved it. Four years separated and (now) going for divorce settlement because I am strong enough. Keep the videos coming, Dr C. You keep the heart in me and my eyes open. Hugs to Gus xxx

@bereal6590 Жыл бұрын

My fam have given rise to me seeking counselling several times. Some are useless, some are very good. Seems to be the luck of the draw. The last one I dropped because all she ever did was tell me to use distraction and how did I feel about forgiving! I didn't even understand what I was dealing with in order to forgive anything. Unfortunately neither did she. Sticking plasters imo don't work, learning the dynamics with dr.c. and dr. R. Has been far more healing. The person I've forgiven is myself, for letting myself down because I didn't know what I didn't know. It must have been a total smack in the face being told you're dysregulated and harming the toxic person because that's what the toxic person would say! And they do say it! Therapists need to learn that if you're around so eone with fleas you're going to end up with fleas. My mother loved to tell me I need to see a therapist

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

When I hear of experiences like this, I can only shake my head. Glad you're figuring it out, and I'm pleased to be on the path with you!

@annewrites...8385 Жыл бұрын

@@bereal6590 So sorry you have had to experience this, and yes! I completely agree. Understanding what is going on is key. I feel blessed to be living at a time that amazing people are sharing their expertise with us online. We are so fortunate. Hugs xx

@tompatterson6626 Жыл бұрын

Stealing Narcs of their supply one video at a time. Thank you Dr. C!

@JDog-tn8we Ай бұрын

❤😂❤

@alysiahite7086 Жыл бұрын

Parent alienation happens also when the kids are adults. I divorced their Dad after 32 years of narcisstic abuse. When I left for the 7th time and final time, he tried to talk bad and lue about me. They believed him at first but after the divorce and 5 years later...my kids see everything that he tried to do to me was a lie. And now i have healthy adults relationships with my kids.

@patriciamacnichol5061 Жыл бұрын

Hi alysiahite, Your comment gives me hope, so thank you for sharing. I am in the process of divorce after a 4 decades long marriage. 4 adult children and 9 grandchildren. On my first meeting with my divorce attorney, she asked me if there was any alienation going on and I said, "Oh no, my children are adults now, etc." One week later I was in her office sobbing my heart out. As you know, along with every other job the narcissist deals beneath them, we are the ones who singlehandedly raise our children. I am in shock at the lies and insinuations he tells my kids. 2 of the 4 are now cold towards me, but I still watch their children weekly, and their spouses are the same with me. I think it's the most painful part of everything going on. However, thanks to Dr. C, and the support from people like you, I am staying at peace, and keeping my mouth shut. This community is really life saving and your share made my day. Thank you, and thank you, as always to Dr. C. God Bless Everyone.

@AAXS-op1vo Жыл бұрын

@alysiahite thank you for sharing. I am freshly divorced after about 27 years and I also have adult children. I am unsure as to whether my ex has lied to our children but I KNOW that he has lied to most of my closest friends (I know because they CAME to me furious at the lies he was trying to push on them). Fortunately, the roots of my relationships with my BFFs run DEEP and our bonds are damn near indestructible. They KNOW me and I know them and they KNEW that that smear campaign he was trying to run on them was a load of BS. I have to assume that if he went for my BFFs, that he is NOT above triangulating our children. So far, my relationships with our children seem to be holding but I have to be very careful how I speak lest I fall into the trap of running smear campaigns. I have worked really hard at keeping my comments about their father to a minimum (he is still playing games in some ways so I have had to speak frankly in some issues) but have gone WAY out of my way to wipe him OUT of my environment and orbit. I am opting to trust that God is JUST, Karma remembers all addresses, and that my children KNOW their mother.

@alysiahite7086 Жыл бұрын

@@patriciamacnichol5061 I am glad my experience can help you and others. Remember that the truth always wins and God takes care of the Karma.

@alysiahite7086 Жыл бұрын

@@AAXS-op1vo Your children know the truth and so does God

@Jabberwalky42 Жыл бұрын

The truth always comes out.

@bereal6590 Жыл бұрын

They omit feelings, empathy, thoughtfulness, listening to you. Then when you want and need those things normal human desires to have empathy, them listen, them understand, them validate, encourage, not be impatient and be there. That's when they call you too needy and too sensitive. Flip that, you start thinking for yourself believing in yourself, giving empathy and compassion to yourself, you're now according to them, selfish! and thoughtless. Manipulation 101!

@eph2vv89only1way Жыл бұрын

I'm so glad my daughter saw through the lies early. She did run away at 16 (she couldn't just move in with my ex because he was in prison), but around 20 she saw the alienation for what it was and now has me over for overnight visits to make up for the time we lost.

@MT-tx7bu Жыл бұрын

Wonderful story! Stay close to her. No matter what! ❤

@eph2vv89only1way Жыл бұрын

@@MT-tx7bu oh I definitely will!

@aaronkwolfe Жыл бұрын

I'll admit to my own scheming. After my (estranged, narcissistic) wife left, I lawyered up, and started planning how to hurt her (or at least reduce my own losses) for the 5 years of hell she put me thru before leaving. Then I took a Divorce Care class, and learned how I was responsible for my own behavior (and attitudes), no matter what hers was. Later, I stumbled upon Dr. C and Team Healthy. .I learned to be vulnerable by choice, especially with those it was safe to be vulnerable with. It made all the difference.

@amandaliverpool3374 Жыл бұрын

You're a shining example to us all!!!

@aaronkwolfe Жыл бұрын

@@amandaliverpool3374 It just made me realize how contagious narcissism can be.

@aaronkwolfe Жыл бұрын

@@hdsyeg It’s a church-related thing, and it kinda changed my life.

@amandaliverpool3374 Жыл бұрын

@@aaronkwolfe True 👍 And, I'm sure we've all had our moments to reflect and learn from!

@aaronkwolfe Жыл бұрын

@@amandaliverpool3374 All this reflecting and learning is exhausting, but worth it.

@starshipgraffiti Жыл бұрын

Why does the negative person win? This is so common in marriages.

@watchmeheal1176 Жыл бұрын

The narcissist’s ENTIRE life IS a self created, self directed eternal fantasy/ a continuation of the paracosm they created to protect their fragile ego early in their childhood. Their show MUST go on at all costs! Therefore, so does the scheming, lying, manipulating, coercing, and abuse💯

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Emphasis on "the show."

@snowbear1877 Жыл бұрын

This is so true. And nowhere is it more prominent than on Facebook. My sister posted pictures of her family on the occasion of her 50th wedding anniversary. You'd think they were the happiest family on earth. Yet it has been a miserable co-dependent marriage. One son has Tourette's, OCD and anxiety and has sought refuge in an evangelical Christian cult. The other son (the most well adjusted member of my family) has fled to the other side of the country, although he remains in touch. But happy it is not. There is a lot of denial.

@dgvfsa66 Жыл бұрын

When I told my narc friend I was no longer interested in a friendship with her for about 1 second I thought she was going to apologize. But, nope. She couldn't do it. Her exact words were, "Ok, I'm sorry you feel that way." Typical narc. No apology or accountability for her behavior or part in the friendship's demise. 😊

@dylannaenzo9737 Жыл бұрын

She's really sorry she can't manipulate your emotions any longer..... happiness vampires.

@elainesmith5313 Жыл бұрын

My husband's narcissist mother alienated him from his Father at an early age. His only description of his Dad was that he was alcoholic and a mean man.Our oldest son starting asking question about his Grandfather who had died before his birth...due to seeing him in our wedding pictures.Truthfully I could not tell him anything because I never got to know him?? He died 1 month after I married into the family. The whole situation was strange from the beginning anyway. My husband explained to our son his father in the same manner he explained to me??? I now believe that my husband new nothing about his Dad at all. His older brother described their Dad completely different....a Dad that played with them and took them places. So many questions unanswered??? His Mother reaked havic in their family and still does at 91 yrs old. Really SAD!!

@amandaliverpool3374 Жыл бұрын

I never minded my stepfather finding another girlfriend after my mum passed almost 16 years ago. Several girlfriends later he found someone who is a worse narcissist than him! I was never introduced to her family although they probably went to their wedding. In fact I'm sure he's painted me out to be such an awful person. I went no contact 4 years ago. I feel only relief that I don't have to deal with his rants anymore!!!

@aaronkwolfe Жыл бұрын

The freedom is delicious. AND calorie-free!

@markjayw666 Жыл бұрын

Marital counseling does not work with narcissists. They just play the therapist. Mine would say, “Hey Mr. Counselor, how was your weekend?” I was like, I am not paying for small talk lol!

@danaellis3812 Жыл бұрын

We constantly hear, “I don’t know that.” Tries to make us feel like a liar or like we are stupid.

@user-ev9sm7xi4p 5 ай бұрын

My marriage counselor saved my life. I followed up with her about a year after I left and she shared with me she was trying to talk him into letting go of me. She realized what was going on, separated us and got him to let go of me. Soon after though he realized that wasn't what he wanted and got mad. My marriage counciling was very instrumental in me leaving.

@diggitydank1083 Жыл бұрын

Thank you Sir. Im the Scapegoat surrounded by Narcissists. Been scapegoated by my dad dtarting @5.

@Jabberwalky42 Жыл бұрын

You are probably the truth teller, too. Narcs despise those who tell the truth.

@suzanne4396 Жыл бұрын

Its very bothersome and sad to me to watch how the Malignant nex is forming his 4 yr old into a "Mini-me," giving him everything he wants but also very critical of him; he expects this child to be perfect in all of the sports my nex is pushing him into ( that he was never successful in acieving excellence in ) Even at his young age, the child never smiles in pictures, just like his " father," and wants to be just like him. His ex- wife is very giving and empathic, but the child has in fact mirrored the narc, even at his young age. Sad.

@snowbear1877 Жыл бұрын

My mother cut me off when I was 46. People told her off about it. I believe she made out I hurt her. When my father died, I said he sid a few bloody rotten things to me. This was the truth. So she dropped me rather than hear the truth. You have to live the lie.

@StudiosDelirium 7 ай бұрын

Truth tellers are really hated by them. So is authenticity.

@MarlanWarren Жыл бұрын

OMG. You just described my parents! I never realized that the dynamics and effects of having an empathetic father and narcissistic mother could be part of a larger pattern and be explained.

@joywebster2678 Жыл бұрын

Or a father that enables the covert narc mother to keep relative peace.

@JoyLearnSallay Жыл бұрын

When you cut the tupee, and throw it on the grass....probably, you are done with the relationship. Lol. I wish it were that funny ...always. thanks.

@MT-tx7bu Жыл бұрын

Great advice and help. I've been a part of team healthy for a while now. I took one of your courses and committed to a new, found, healthy life. We deserve to be healthy people!! The more you learn and grow, the more you begin to see things as they should be. It takes time. Hang in there!

@trudismith9712 Жыл бұрын

I had my 78th Birthday yesterday. For the last 4 years i have been watching, my dear Dr Carter, your videos one by one. A bit obsessive. It threw me into lots of emotions, doubts and self examination to cope with 3 Narcs. Now i look out for mature people, when before i was afraid of not being 'good enough' for them.(Worth) I have taken many ideas, words and changes in attitude on board. Thank you. First: i have opened boundries and closed gaps on other sides. Second: one of your early videos changed my behaviour: to say anything i believe in and is true to myself in a calm, clear voice preparing words in advance. It works!! On the flip side i always press the 'Like' button on your videos as told. AI or Google sends me interviews and talks from Erich Fromm in his native beautiful language. What a wise and extraordinary man he was. My Dad, of his generation, was trying to make sense of the world by reading German philosophers, always his head in his books and away in this thoughts. Love him. Thanks again Dr C for virtually being there.

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Thanks for such encouraging words, Trudi. So pleased to be on the path with you.

@elipotter369 Жыл бұрын

I suppose the narcissists did just think about their needs on the spot, but i felt that all along they simply never thought i would leave them - because i tolerated SOME emotional abuse. They were always so suprised i ended and cut off the relationship and their behaviour. Personally, it seemed to me they were tempting fate with their nastiness, and maybe i was ineffective at conveying warnings to back off etc. I was surprised at them being surprised that i would suddenly (to them) have had enough and was adamant and strong about my decision that i was done. I felt then like they never really knew me at all.

@zurichgirl1967 Жыл бұрын

I can empathise with your 45 yr old patient. My Mother did the same thing to me, unfortunately my father died before I got a chance to fix the damage that she did and rebuild my relationship with him. It took me a very long time to realize she is a malicious narcissist. I’m cutting contact now, I’m 56. Better late than never, she hasn’t changed, she’ll never change and she still gaslights me and has tried to turn my own daughter against me. I’m fortunate that I didn’t become a narcissist like her - although as victims of narcissistic abuse we all doubt ourselves and our abusers try and make us believe that we are the problem. The sad reality is that having been ‘groomed’ by my narcissist mother, I ended up marrying a narcissist, which is not as surprising as you might think as it took me a very long time to come up from the depths of the chasm that I had been living in since childhood. I’m nearly at the top of the chasm, it’s been a long hard climb.

@mitaalqahtani Жыл бұрын

Thank you Dr. Carter. Narcissistic manipulative alienation is so tricky to identify and very sad when it happens. Parental alienation, grandparents, other loved ones....ouch. Getting supportive counseling for clarity can be crucial for one's emotinal well-being.

@ActiveSneakers Жыл бұрын

Certain ones just keep going on with their complaints to any who will listen. They will frame those they don't like in a bad light while putting themselves as good people.

@jennetteoverzet2959 Жыл бұрын

Just don't play the game remove yourself as a player..and win by being happy that's winning 💖

@TattedChristian 3 ай бұрын

So well put💗🙌bless u and thank u!

@evanphillips6834 Жыл бұрын

Dr. C Post discard, with all the disillusionment veil pulled back, why does it feel so weird to finally be at peace? When you come to the point of complete indifference over what happened through radical acceptance, why is there still this air of disbelieve?

@caroleminke6116 Жыл бұрын

Cognitive dissonance leaves a strange sense of normalcy in its wake which we’re not used to, but after awhile it starts to get better & better… there’s no more drama & trauma, just peace & quiet ❤

@danielkaiser8971 Жыл бұрын

Probably because it's unfamiliar to you. You're exploring a whole different world after healing. Now you have the opportunity to focus on being yourself, instead of defending yourself.

@MichNative01 Жыл бұрын

Thank you!!! Thank you...im in the same boat...my husband is a scapegoat of a malignant narcissist...he is a full blown narc....gaslighting, manipulation, and intimidation, but he swears im wrong! Thank you for asking this question!!

@TheMigman Жыл бұрын

Thank you for all you are doing and all you have done! Keep up the good work.

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Thank you! Will do!

@Itsmeandiamok Жыл бұрын

Beware of the “buttering up” ! ☠️

@DebbieLee-dr3hr Жыл бұрын

Naked people offering their shirts 👕 😮

@snowbear1877 Жыл бұрын

I had to laugh at the words "not impressed". They were some of ly mother's favourite words. My partner and I often laugh at the memory of taking my mother to some beautiful gardens in Melbourne (Melbourne is known for its gardens). There was a visitor's book full of glowing comments from people from all over the world, saying these were the most magnificent gardens. Then my mother added her comment: "not impressed". To top it off, she would often accuse me of being 'negative'.

@angelalorenzo4881 Жыл бұрын

I am so grateful to have found this community. I can relate to so many of the scenarios given. Tomorrow would have been my 39th anniversary. I have been separated from him for over 2 years and finally got the divorce finalized 2 months ago. When I read what someone else had said about dragging up the past, I just had to share my experience. My ex took offense when I said he must have a real winner for a girlfriend. She was 26 and he was 65. He drug up a sexual experience I had over 42 years ago and before we ever met. He thought they were actually comparable. Oh the sad, sad humor in that.

@hogpharm Жыл бұрын

Is it "normal behavior" for a narcissist to go after people (via false rumor spreading) they deem to be helping you, after a divorce/separation? For example, spreading rumors about that person or the two of you together, with no consideration to the implications of the outside party? I say "normal behavior" knowing it's not normal, but is it common with all narcissists, or would that fall more on the malignant narcissist spectrum?

@caroleminke6116 Жыл бұрын

Coverts also spread malicious gossip etc

@danielkaiser8971 Жыл бұрын

Absolutely yes, with 100% certainty. Malicious gossip and smear campaigns.

@leslierobertson612 Жыл бұрын

Thanks so much for the education and friendly support you provide; I discovered the valuable resource of your podcasts/posts about 3 weeks ago. I am down the road from you, in San Antonio. I am very happy to now count myself part of Team Healthy! Go Team. 🎉❤🎉. 😊

@David-eu1ms Жыл бұрын

I'm S.A. team member too.

@carolnahigian9518 Жыл бұрын

My sons and their sisters ( from another mom- my Step daughters)! took $$& thousands: I helped ALL FOUR $ with College. then GHOSTED : for 20++++ years. So SAD.

@user-qu7rh9nm4c Жыл бұрын

I discovered that a child will resolve conflict, the quickest and easiest way they can. So they will side with the abusive parent to resolve that conflict and they know that the non-abusive parent won’t cause conflict for them so they will side with the conflictive parent, the one that’s causing the most harm and trouble just to try and make their life less tumultuous

@henrykujawa4427 Жыл бұрын

Oh, NUTS! I was so looking forward to taking part in the live chat again today, since I'm off (for at least this week). But somehow, I didn't get enough sleep last night, and I fell back in late morning... and completely missed it. Oh well! Maybe next week... It's gonna take some time to clear all this junk out of my head, but, for the most part, it feels SO GOOD to be no longer working for those TWO control-freak narcissists. It was more than 4 years, and frankly, it should have stopped 3-1/2 years AGO. Every single comment under every one of Dr. Carter's videos all say the same thing-- GET AWAY! Well, now I don't have to. They pushed me out, and had me "written up" by my office. That's what you get for loyalty-- and EXCESSIVE self-control. The nice thing was the woman who wrote me up and gave me a polite lecture about being professional (HEH!) also said that had she been handling the case, she would have found me another client MUCH earlier, and, that I should not have to ever be in a situation where I'm that stressed out every day I go to work. I'm actually hoping that things between me and the office may actually IMPROVE as a result of this.

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Hi Henry. Here's the good news. You were able to get the sleep you needed AND you can still watch the video. So glad you're part of #TeamHealthy

@dylannaenzo9737 Жыл бұрын

Remember.... they 'make up" their truths..... run away and don't look back. They are toxic. I have been treated in a similar manner by narc bosses. They are toxic.

@henrykujawa4427 Жыл бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism I just called up my office and let my "coordinator" know that she should wait until Sept. 1 to look for a new assignment, as I decided this morning to take the whole month of August off because of the awful weather. I also let her know just how much I appreciated the advice of the woman I spoke with on Monday, saying I was definitely in that last assignment too long, and, I wished her a nice day. (I was definitely told Monday I "wasn't fired" from the office-- so I'm hoping with the right attitude & amount of enthusiasm, things should be even better going forward. Well see!)

@patm.-xq5tr Жыл бұрын

Dr C, thank you for helping me understand my experiences in a narcissistic family system & how I'm influenced as an adult. Now I need to grow past the automatic programmed fear of setting boundaries!

@caroleminke6116 Жыл бұрын

Hard boundaries work

@fabbrofamily7038 Жыл бұрын

narcissism is a spirit belonging to the kingdom of darkness. Every one has a choice to be with the Most High God, or against Him. praise Jesus. thank you Dr. Carter, i will send this to my dear sister in Christ who needs this badly 💝✝️🕊✨

@sherrymurphy855 Жыл бұрын

The scheming has left some of us without a home. The grown child who has the Grandchild "took up where her dad left off." It was over for mom/Grandma before it began. They are ruthless schemers... There are older folk who have become the new faces of the homeless for the 1st time as a direct result. How do we understand something like this?

@snowbear1877 Жыл бұрын

Narcissism definitely runs in my family.

@dwightsmall331 10 ай бұрын

I'm a home add for the narcissistic for two years. I really know how to handle him. I love what you are talking about. It really

@carolyncannon5605 Жыл бұрын

Absolutely, my grandchildren as be alllnated against me,😢, Its painful but I do know lesson learned, cut ties for my own mental health

@yanetrodriguezcruz3609 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for the webinars. About caregivers and narcissistic people. Don't you would like a a caregiver? 😥

@yanetrodriguezcruz3609 Жыл бұрын

Nodays ......i have to do some work a few hours today. Have a good day. 😳

@yanetrodriguezcruz3609 Жыл бұрын

I worked out!

@yIsThisMyName 2 ай бұрын

I wish I had these pod casts 35 years ago when I was going through a divorce. I had to learn these principles and attitudes the hard way.

@laurence.MusicAndSights Жыл бұрын

From France, I ve just watched the replay session but missed the joyful chatting between the healthy community 😢 , Amazed as Dr Carter describes so well what that ex malignant s rotten core was like over 15 years...a scheming machine from dawn to dusk about nonexistent details ...❤ However : QUESTION. He was boisterous nonstop even alone, speaking loudly when putting on his elegant clothes for ex, so petulant, restless...about to rage any time but he slept peacefully like a log..Contrary to me, prone to nightmares , insomniac since my childhood because I am too emotional ➕ suffering from hypermnesia ( a burden believe me) , often waking up ...remembering oniric activities perfectly, he would be proud not to dream, to sleep 8 hours on a go... Was he unpluggled at night ? The scheming typhoon was off. Pure madness 🤪 😡 did you notice anormal sleep pattern in your narc partner ? Sorry for my English without translator. Take care 🌸 🦋 🌃 ☪

@ladm4967 Жыл бұрын

When I finally was able to get my narcissistic husband to agree to counseling, the first thing he said was “I can debate with the best of them.” When we met with the therapist I began to describe the latest horrible rage event, by my husband interrupted me in about 5 minutes and said I wasn’t presenting it accurately and that I was leaving out important parts. He proceeded to talk for 45 minutes. The therapist did interrupt him toward the end. She told him that each family member is responsible for their own relationship with each of the other family members (since he was trying to blame me for his angry attach on our grown daughter). When we got home, his only comment was “Well, that was worthless.

@CharingCross712 Жыл бұрын

Leave him... he's the worthless one.

@paulinelong9945 Жыл бұрын

Sounds like an experience I had with counselling with my Narc husband. He just took over the session, humiliated me and sabotaged the whole process. The first therapist tried to stop him, the second took his side. Waste of time. Never tried that again.

@paulinelong9945 Жыл бұрын

@MarleyLeMar I don't think success is possible with a narcissistic person, it is ultimately how much the partner is prepared to compromise to adapt to the dysfunction. Initiating counselling implies an openness to therapy but if the partner is unwilling then there is no possibility of achieving a successful outcome in the relationship.

@paulinelong9945 Жыл бұрын

@@MarleyLeMar Thanks Marley, yes we all have differing viewpoints but I think it is important to reflect on whether putting your viewpoint out there is damaging or helpful to others ... thank you but I have no need for your best wishes - that is a bit patronising.

@Cod12Osc Жыл бұрын

When my husband and I was in counseling, and I was explaining the things he would do to me to hurt me, his comment to me in front of the counselor was, "why do you want to be with someone like that?" I was thinking to myself, what do you say or how should you react... SILLY

@elainesmith5313 Жыл бұрын

The Gang Stalking I experienced after I moved away from the Narcissist Famiy. They tried hard to figure out where I moved to. It's a shame that we must scheme as they do...but I did. Broke contact completely....kept quiet.....sold my home and property which was connected to theirs. And Moved!! Have been approached by the Chief Narc 's Flying Monkeys trying to find out where I moved too. It was quite funny...the Gray Rock Method works really well....no info gathered. I also traded cars so they were totally lost in their efforts to find the home I bought. They can be baffled!!

@lindamoore9729 Жыл бұрын

'I don't know what you want me to say.'.. Oh, how many times have I heard that??!!

@davidparker5439 8 ай бұрын

My daughter who is on the side of my narcissistic wife, say to that I always run away. And yes I do get away from this situation . But it does get me mad .

@andreacook6000 Жыл бұрын

Love you Les! Thank you so much again and again. I have been watching your video over and over about don’t defend yourself to a narcissist that you did a couple of years ago. So healing. My brain is re wiring listening to you and taking on board what you are saying. Can you please wrote a book about love and what healthiness really looks like. I would love to read it. I would travel the world to sell it for you! You are saving my life, I am so grateful to you.

@andreacook6000 Жыл бұрын

I love being on team healthy and creating a good emotional environment within myself and having the knowledge that there are lots of people out there, who all feel the same way about life that I do, and want to be wholesome, kind, good people with a lot of love in their hearts. When you said the other day about not liking violent movies, I felt so happy because that’s exactly how I feel and it’s difficult in this world when so many people don’t understand that kind of bad content creates bad things in the world. And supporting it is adding your energy to it. They don’t realise that though, so it made me really happy when you said that because it affirmed how I feel as well, thank you for saying it.

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

#TeamHealthy.

@blessed162 Жыл бұрын

True...I want to build myself up at someone else's expense....is the MAIN RED FLAG!!AND....their I me myself-my way or no way that includes all characteristics for ex manipulation is (Red flags)

@JoyLearnSallay Жыл бұрын

I so appreciate you Dr. C. Thank you for this. I cry so much.

@cynthiafortier2540 Жыл бұрын

Hope those are tears of joy for escaping a terrorist!!

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

You are very welcome

@takz0743 Жыл бұрын

What is particularly sad and difficult is when the scheming narcissist has an ally, representative, or enabler; and when that enabler is a "core" person in the family, like a mother or grandmother, it is especially vexing and maddening. Mom was our family narcissist's enabler, and although I want to believe that she cared about the rest of us and our children, when it came down to a disagreement or problem between the narcissist live-with-parents-and-always-there son and another family member, she would side with the narcissist. If he wanted one of us to do something or not do something, he would get Mom to ask or tell or do the dirty work. And she would do it! I even asked her why she doesn't tell him to ask himself, but the question just washed right over her head. She just stared as if she didn't accept the question. That's when I knew that we were in for trouble.

@bereal6590 Жыл бұрын

That is very similar to the dynamic I grew up in. My father a frightening man. Total jekyl hyde. One minute buying toys gits taking on trips being fun the next shouting threatening ignoring blaming shaming. My mother took his side, I took her side, biggest mistake of my life. I failed to recognise her neglect, passive aggression, neglect and blaming and shaming and lack of protection. She did far more damage. Same here as well when I mentioned things that had happened, hoping for closeness and understanding, it was met with either silent treatment or passive aggression or shaming and blaming.i knew I was in trouble right there and then and what a fool I'd been. Worst feeling of betrayal and grief and hurt I've ever felt. I was her biggest ally, supporter but it should have been the other way round. I'm very ill and still she couldn't validate a single feeling and isn't going to. Radical acceptance is the only way ✌

@kellymackie4836 Жыл бұрын

Definitely been gang stalking target! Haven’t heard that term yet on here! We left the whole group there was no other way.

@ozzyhouston2535 Жыл бұрын

Looking back on my life, there seems to have been a fork in the road where I chose to spend more time with one guy friend rather than another. Yup, I chose the covert narcissist over the nerd. Eventually, the narcissist rejected me because I wasn't respecting his ideology. About the same time, the nerd passsed away. I know I could have found a lot more good, analytical conversations with the nerd, as opposed to the mind-numbing ideology of the narcissist. I chose wrong.

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Lesson learned.

@jimvandam123 Жыл бұрын

Thank you for your humbleness and for your TEXAS' humbleness. Your insights show me the value of Texas' decency.

@dylannaenzo9737 Жыл бұрын

Beware, some Texans use that "lil 'ole me" as a ruse, while they manipulate you all day long. Dr. C is an honest person and a Texan. He doesn't manipulate nor try to control you.

@janinealexander2037 Жыл бұрын

Ive learned to “qualify” anyone I meet…. When the red flags fly, i put the emotional boundaries in place . In business, its most important to see this so you can map a strategy, not a scheme, learning this allows me to conduct business and meet the objective. Its win-win-win.

@silmaril199 7 ай бұрын

Thanks for all your work Dr. Les, you are a inspiration and a source of helping information. I am learning so many things in your channel. I hope you can talk about narcissist Stephdaughters or stepsons, most of the time the idea is that the stepmom is the bad one, but sometimes that is not the case, and the stepdaughter is the narcissist one. Have a beautiful day!!!

@jenelslager5218 11 ай бұрын

Everytime we've entered therapy, as soon as the therapist realized i was open to dealing with my own stuff, but they pushed in on him, he cut and run. 27 years, still to this day

@user-lz9wj4xs5j 8 ай бұрын

Love hearing your wisdom and stories of growth❣️

@SurvivingNarcissism 8 ай бұрын

Thank you.

@sigurdurhalldorsson2775 Жыл бұрын

Thank you

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

You're welcome

@sonyac5653 Жыл бұрын

That 1st Q was a beauty. Thx.

@user-ll6ge4sz3k 11 ай бұрын

Here's an example: I received an acceptance to nursing school my junior year of High School. My Covert Narcissistic parents had applied without my knowledge, knowing that I had no interest in that career path. That was just one example of the violation of my boundaries. I am sorry they were so embarrassed of me that they could not respect my individuality and gifts.

@tammyrobinson5249 9 ай бұрын

There is an issue in child and youth psychiatry because they refuse to identify narcissism and or sociopathic/psychopathic behaviours. We always told my daughters child psychiatrist well she isn’t going to wake up at 18 and poof is now a narcissist sociopath. But that’s what they do. Had my daughter been diagnosed at a much younger age we would of found out that it’s next to impossible to rehabilitate these kids and young adults. My daughter has been a one person wrecking ball basically from birth. She is incredibly bright in many ways but completely morally and ethically bankrupted. Could you do a show on the signs in childhood so others can learn. Thank you

@suzannahardman207 Жыл бұрын

Sometimes life doesn´t fit the formula. Yes. Absolutely. Bravo!!!

@jacklimcortez7660 Жыл бұрын

The only person you can change is yourself I like how you give us something to say or think that keeps me from harmful situations I like the way you handle things peacefully enjoy listening to you 😘❤️💙🍀😁🦋🌷💖🙏🙏 thanks

@user-or7jn2pp4f 10 ай бұрын

Do children brought up in strict families where everything is controlled and no one is listened to later in relationships give no leeway in ideas to their mates?

@debbiehardy40 Жыл бұрын

Super explanations and such truths. Thank you.

@phoenixrising5338 Жыл бұрын

Well, the whole, "only say nice, positive things about your ex" thing really bites you when your ex is a narc. In other words, lie. How about "say honest things about your ex?" Like "no, that didn't actually happen," "that's an example of gaslighting," "no, I'm not crazy and yes, you are a capable person." Sorry, I'm not standing here going, "your dad loves you and only wants the best for you and he's doing his best," when he so clearly is not and actually has a malignant and destructive agenda.

@lesliewoolnough7871 Жыл бұрын

I try to think of how life would be if we all walked North and South together for the changing of the seasons Like the native people use to do

@teresabeaver5926 Жыл бұрын

Thank you !!

@snowbear1877 Жыл бұрын

I've been accused of playing the victim card. I really believe, in fact I know, that everyone in my family thinks I am in the wrong. Except maybe for one cousin by marriage, who timidly said "surely children aren't placed in foster care for no reason". The rest of them explain it away.

@SherryWilson-dk7bo Жыл бұрын

Thanks Dr.C. I always value your opinion and information. 😊

@Alice-fr1ef Жыл бұрын

Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and the Team Healthy Community from California. Live in Peace everybody. I did not want to be like anyone in my family, I just wanted to survive to get away from them. I stayed at my Aunt's house as much as I could for I knew she loved me and was my Mother''s best friend when she was alive. My Mother died when I was six years old. Three days after my birthday she died. But she taught us how to survive in spite of situations. Thank you for a great video, so educational and infromative on what we are dealing with and what is best for us and how to achieve loving ourselves.

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Thanks, Alice.

@michelepascoe6068 Жыл бұрын

When a counsellor makes a quick judgement of the relationship (within 15 minutes of 1st meeting) and labels the targetted parent as "controlling", it justifies the abuser and their followers forevermore. "Well, we tried counselling and you are the problem." End of story.

@angellollar1083 Жыл бұрын

This was one of the best videos!!! Over the target in everything taught!!! God bless you all bunches 🙏 ❤️

@unsolicitedadvice2800 Жыл бұрын

In response to the question of if being exposed to a narcissist can produce narcissism, I say a resounding YES. My Grandmother was a very overt pushy narcissist, and was physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive to her children. My mother took a rebellious/ victim stance, identified as the "Black Sheep" and became a very antisocial covert narcissist and was super controlling through guilt trips, shame, and manipulation. My older sister then turned out to be almost exactly like my grandmother with a very overt style, very uppity, judgmental and aggressive. I think the difference in the styles fluctuates between (overt/cold and aloof) and (covert/ fake empathy and manipulative) so they don't see the pattern, and the fact that their two different styles only translates into two different methods of achieving the same goal of hurting people and ruining relationships.

@joywebster2678 Жыл бұрын

Many children of narcissists end up with borderline personality disorder, vs narcissism. I see it in my family, my siblings all have different manifestations of disorders that develop from bring parented by a narcissist.

@InfiniteMindset99 Жыл бұрын

😂Couldn’t carry a tune in a 🪣 bucket. Best line ever…

@dylannaenzo9737 Жыл бұрын

It's a very old southern "description" of a bad singer.

@danielparra6710 Жыл бұрын

Good Afternoon Mr. C Thanks for Wisdom Again. ❤

@markjayw666 Жыл бұрын

My wife is > 96% NPD, very vindictive and “malignant.”

@amandahodge3809 Жыл бұрын

I’ve always wondered.. when the narcissist has new supply, have they officially lost interest in the old supply? Or will the narcissist start showing interest again at some point in old supply?

@aaronkwolfe Жыл бұрын

For me, time will tell. She (my STBX estranged, narcissistic wife) has been silent with me for over 8 years. I’m now hearing that all 3 of our kids (and their spouses or SO) are tired of her tactics and are beginning to block her. She has a new guy that she’s buffaloed into providing for all her financial needs. We’ll see how long until he becomes her new abuser.

@AlwaysStampinVideos Жыл бұрын

Hey there, DrC! Catching up on videos (aka therapy- thank you btw!) “I don’t know what you want me to say…” if I had a dollar, right?! Could you speak in a future video about “imposter syndrome?” I would like to know more about it and how it ties into having dealt (or dealing) with narcissistic abuse. Thx in advance! Hope your summer is unfolding nicely!

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Great suggestion, Kelly. I'm assuming you're humming right along!!!

@AnnePerkins-po5jo Жыл бұрын

That recollection of the man who was alienated from his father for all those years is tragic and makes me cry, but I have the opposite story. I was accused of not allowing my son to receive letters from his father (this is over 30 years ago when he was about 10) by my visiting ex parents in law, so I said, "Well, I know where he keeps all the letters, would you like to see them so you can check if any are missing?" They didn't. I knew where the letters were (they stopped coming along with Christmas and birthday acknowledgements not long after), but I never read them as they were not addressed to me. That is just one very mild instance of what I was mixed up in, and the sort of gaslighting. I had moved away for my own safety and to get my son away from what I saw as an unhealthy environment, and to be near my parents. Now they are very close and share their addictions, and I am a target for abuse. I never stopped them from seeing each other, but I did make conditions on the visits (of course, the story is that I had made all this up for spite, or just imagined it). Now I am just about no contact.

@diane19456 Жыл бұрын

My husband's mother did the same thing to him and his brother! Raised by a bunch of harpies! Emasculated their father in front of them. Ruined his brothers ability to have relationship with a woman . They idealize their mother but loathe and despise their fathers wife. Love hate relationship . They both are narcissists my husband is that injured child. How can I help him or is he lost forever?.

@Dove-gx5gz Жыл бұрын

Hi Dr. C, In your experience do malignant narcissists display a buoyed mood when people die? Perhaps because that is the ultimate "one up, one down" "win" in their eyes because they're alive & the other person is not? On several occasions I have witnessed my narcissist receiving news of a death, followed by a almost gleeful mood. It was very disturbing- especially when I noticed a trend.

@hannahrosa5485 Жыл бұрын

My ex sent me to a psychiatrist to discuss why I don't like sex. Truth is I don't like 50 shades of grey. I later discovered that he and my Mom who was only 3 years older than him were planning to have me committed so they could marry. Truth is she stupidly signed over the deed of her house as collateral for a loan he wanted, ostensibly for a business but he stole most of it. Dirty dog.

@joywebster2678 Жыл бұрын

The role of the narcissist in the family makes a difference i think to whom the kids "side" with. We four daughters clung to our mother despite her bad behaviour because she was the stay at home caregiver. She played up the cruelty of Dad from day one. He as a young father had a temper, but not a bad man. So as the family scapegoat i finally as a teen told mom i didnt think it was fair to tell us all the bad things she thought of Dad, when He never said anything about her behind her back. She was so angry. I pulled away from both parents as an adult, maintaining a polite relationship. So watching adult male Narcissists, their kids go with their moms and have nothing to do with the Narc dads.

@josereyes1148 Жыл бұрын

My narc has taken up a notch. I went 90% No contact with him. I would listen to him apologize and play his games. Idk, i guess it felt good to have him dead to rights and have him even admit it. I also talked to him because he told me how depressed he was. After that, he started to act like nothing happened again. I ignored him for months. He then dropped a bomb. He intends on moving into the house next door to me. I was furious. I lost it on him. I called him obsessed and said its a terrible idea. He of course spun everything on me. He predictably called me a narcissist who thinks the world revolves around me. He called me obsessed because I didnt like the idea. He literally said that we live 15 minutes away in the same city now. Living in the same city 15 minutes away is the exact same as living next door. WTH, no its not. He dragged me into an hour long argument again after a year of not playing his games. I feel like he is fighting and clawing to drag me back into his BS. Even if hed never admit to anything. Its so disgusting.

@rachmcd160 Жыл бұрын

The questions today are really great. They delve deeply into the workings of narcissistic bahaviour. Thank you Dr. C for explaining these issues in depth. This video is extremely helpful. I am still trying to seperate the narcissistic from high functioning autism as I have people around me with both and the ones with autism have been learning from the ones with narcissm and even visa-versa. It seems that these two types seem to get together and form realationships and marriages and then it's hell on earth for their kids and anyone else who get involved personally or professionally. Any thoughts on this topic would be greatly appreciated.

@SurvivingNarcissism Жыл бұрын

Thanks for this feedback!!

@caroleminke6116 Жыл бұрын

My covert narc father tried to alienate my sister & me using $ as a threat but I called him out anyway & took the literal blows… last black eye @ 30 & the VT State Police in Shaftsbury told me that they don’t respond to domestic violence! My sister caused the trouble when I had stopped by my father’s house to get my cat… she still lived at home & after a suicide attempt there, still took his side as well as vice versa 🤦‍♀️ he later disinherited her

@Greenawareness188 Жыл бұрын

Sorry , carolminke6116 , I know how you feel. I hope you and the cat are okay .Learn what your laws are .Sadly cops often don't know the law or lie.

@lynnebucher6537 Жыл бұрын

I'm shocked they don't respond to DV complaints. Does that include murder, attemped murder, and grievous harm? Holy cow.

@JoyLearnSallay Жыл бұрын

That's exactly what he is pretending to want. I have been following my own path to wellness and therapy for years. Now he demands I include him, for my own safety....as he says. When I said, a women's skills recovery group is not accessible to him...he freaks. Now I am expected to go to therapy for him 2x week, on top my own. Because now he wants therapy, to tell me , I deserve...the therapy , I am... already...participating in, and that from which he is isolated from, on purpose, in the first place. Omg. Y'know? Sorry grammar.

@lynnebucher6537 Жыл бұрын

I would guess he's feeling insecure and out of control and is trying to reassert dominance by controlling the narrative.

@Hatbox948 Жыл бұрын

I'm working on leaving. I've run into a delay getting trailer hitch installed, but will get there. U-Haul rep says there's a mass exodus from Florida right now.

@lynnebucher6537 Жыл бұрын

I think a lot of older people are leaving due to skyrocketing housing costs and homeowners insurance premiums. My premium went up 50% this year.

@patm.-xq5tr Жыл бұрын

Yes, Florida has gotten expensive. Insurance companies are dropping people's homeowners policies or the company will leave the state & not do business here. Car insurance is expensive, too, along with food.

@Hatbox948 Жыл бұрын

@@patm.-xq5tr It seems like that would make it so difficult to sell a home too so that you could leave.

@aaronkwolfe Жыл бұрын

@teresa nelson BONUS joke uploaded. Hope you catch the "queue" at he end.

@t_nels Жыл бұрын

Thank you 😁