If you are silent, because talking is completely useless and even carrying the risk of further harm for you, it is not manipulation, it is intelligent selfpreservation. Enjoy the peace in this silence, stretch to your benefit and don‘t waste it with rumination 😉

With a narcissist, if they have a problem it is'' Always'' because of someone else.

Ive come to the conclusion its like theyre fighting with ghosts. The issues they create with others aren't really there. Its based on their issues and their trauma. They will continue to do it with or without you. Thank you so much for your channel it has helped me greatly 🙏

When I was still married to the narcissist in my life and I had began to catch on… after 15 years of Marriage. I began to keep track and notice that he was in a 4-6 week schedule where he would start out somewhat nice, and by the end of the 4 weeks he would have huge blow ups and have many days of rage and hatred usually ending up in him not talking to me for a week. I also began to wonder “why” when a holiday was approaching he would get really nasty leading up to the holiday and then “always” on the actual holiday he would wake up cheerful, helpful, and kind. Then, like clockwork, the next day he would go right back to being hateful, raging and controlling. It was so confusing!!!!What a roller coaster ride that was and always walking on eggshells…

Thought I’d share this quote. “The highest degree of medicine is love.” -Paracelsus

For the woman who was beaten (and for all of us) I found the book Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft helpful as he explained how caring people think differently from abusers and get manipulated. Counsellors and other caring people get fooled too.

I am going through the pain of a discard . After ten years he decided to leave and discard when I found out I had cancer and needed surgery . He made sure to tell me that he was seeing someone behind my back and it felt like he put a k ice through my heart :(

During my first marriage, my parents begged me to go to a therapist, because I had been so torn down mentally by my husband and had pretty much stopped eating, so I agreed to go. I told my therapist, “He’s hit me, but never on my face.” She said, “I don’t care if he hit your big toe…..you’re being abused.”

Thank you, Dr. Carter. When I get gaslit, I think of your three important words: dignity, civility, and respect. God bless you and yours!

Writing out what happened (after an odd or upsetting interaction) has helped me so much! I can clearly see the narcissist's tactics on paper but I couldn't name them in the moment.

They won't answer questions because they want to be in control, to save face, and to not be shamed for a "wrong" answer.

They never make any sense to me. It's like a maze and you don't want to get lost in it for sure. Every physical abuser always says it's the fault of the abused. There is nothing on the planet that is their fault. All of them are emotional abusive for sure. They want to reduce you to your lowest terms. They care nothing about what they do to you. Probably have a good laugh about it later. They do plan things to do to you. Thank you for a very good video and I hope everyone has a very peaceful happy Thanksgiving.

Thank you for defining abuse, Dr C, and for teaching us how to recognise it and stop being manipulated!

Tis the season for rampant random fires so be very careful in your gatherings. Watch for the one who is running around setting people on fire then finding their 'innocent' seat. They can have a room fully engulfed while they are standing at the exit.

You said, among so many other things, some interesting things that are abuse. When we are told we are not worth of respect or regard, that's abuse. When reminded that we are not enough, we are not enough, it whittles away our internal sense of well-being, and it is abuse. When told we are worthy only when we service them, it is abuse. ... Narcissists are thieves and robbers, and it is abuse. And much more. It's easier to see physical abuse. Much harder to see this sneaky subtle stuff. It's like trying to see the air we breathe.

Thank you so much Dr. Carter for taking the time before a holiday to talk with us. So nice of you, so like you. God bless and happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. 💐

Dr. C, we are thankful for you. Your compassion, teachings , and smile are a healing balm for many of us around the world. May your Thanksgiving overflow in love, joy,and happiness as your family gathers at the dining table tomorrow. Anew member will join you for her first Thanksgiving at the Carter's . God's blessings . ❤ 🙏 ❤

QUESTION: Why won't they even answer a simple yes/no question?! Ever!! It's like they are terrified to commit to the simplest yes/no answer, such as "are you hungry?" Was there childhood trauma associated with them giving simple, honest answers about their wants and needs?

Dr. C, AND everyone else!,, Have a GREAT Thanksgiving Day! 🥧🍽️🍗🦃

I would love to send this to the top Hen pecker, my mother. She's delusional and has caused so much chaos and drama. Why? Because that's what she thrives on. It's sad that she talks about everyone behind their backs, family, friends and others. She has problems with everyone and refuses to communicate her issues to them. But she sure goes behind their back blaming, shaming and playing the "poor me" "martyr". She's mentally ill. The games she plays is pure evil. There's no help for her. I'm thankful for removing myself from her evil, wicked games. The truth will be revealed very soon.

Narcissists can also use feigned empathy to bully someone else. My late mother was great at this. She would demand that I do certain things saying “She was only trying to protect her grandchildren”.

Binge watching your content to keep me safe and from returning to someone very unhealthy. Thank you so much for these !! Happy Thanksgiving to you, your family and Gus ! 🥧🦃🍗

Years ago, I was taken severely ill and asked my husband to call me an ambulance for the first time in my life. He refused, saying I was being dramatic, and left me for three days drifting in and out of consciousness. I slowly recovered, but surgery a few months later turned dangerous, as the surgeons found my gallbladder had burst and infected my liver and (later I found) my heart. My doctor wanted me to go to the police, but I didn't because it was not the right time to leave my husband. He always refused to discuss it, saying how could he have known I wasn't acting out. I still wonder if he really did intend the worst for me, and rather fancied himself as a grieving widower. Everyone else thinks him a sweet, caring man. But do you think he cared at all? What would have been his thought processes at the time?

You have such good fatherly/grandfatherly energy. You are helping so many people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤

It's funny how just two or three months ago I told him ( after 9 years together) that he could open up to me, that I wasn't going to hurt him or judge him. His sullen, mopey response was " I don't open up to anybody." And he never did --( he's gone now because I chose to be on team healthy before he destroyed me ) IF he had opened up I would've found an empty shell. But also a lot of shame and his insecurity was palpable...and a Long, long history of astronomical Lies, serial cheating and women he'd (almost) destroyed. A trail of selfishness, entitlement and delusion!!

especially silent treatments on telephones. telephones are made for talking not being quiet. he says: "I'm trying to speak, but you keep cutting me off." he had plenty of time to speak.

Pure gold. Happy Thanksgiving! Thankful for you Dr. C and all those on Team Healthy that strive to make it a better world.

Dr.C very smart move in calories department, so pleased that you are doing intermittent fasting, it so healthy, healthy body and healthy mind complement one another.😊

Now it makes so much sense why he is always pressing me for my deepest darkest secrets, especially in the very beginning. Always thinks I am hiding something from him, and god forbid he doesn't have my attention. I'm definitely talking to men. Smh. This information is so empowering and answers so many questions I never thought I would be able to get reasonable and logical answers to. Very helpful

When I was with my "ex", I found some condoms in a drawer where I went looking for a needle and thread. We did not use condoms as he had had a vasectomy. I said "what are these"??? He knew he was backed into a corner. He admitted that on a recent ski vacation with his "buddies" he had a one night affair and (this was in the '90's)!went to the Dr. for an STD check and they gave him condoms to use "pending results". He proceeded to tell me I should be "thankful because he was 'protecting' us". Wow. I understand the extent of his manipulation and gas lighting now (was this situation "gaslighting"?). Thankfully, I broke free of this narcissist 14 years ago....

So very THANKFUL FOR YOU, Dr. C!!! May you, Jennifer, Gus and your extended family have the most WONDERFUL of holidays!! Your knowledge and compassion are so very much appreciated each and every day!! Hugs!! 😇🙏🏼🧡🤎☮️

I am easily distracted. A lot of things to take care of and do. This time length is way past my attention span. And i didnt miss a bit of this wisdom... excellent format and excellent teacher. 👏

Assuming that shaming is a form of projection, then it's fair to say the narcissists words are shame-based. Whoever smelt it,dealt it... right?! 🙉🙈🙊' Much joy to you and yours as you commence that Thanksgiving Marathon, Dr. Carter😉

You are one cool dude, Dr. C !!!

Do narcissists recognize each other? My experience is they try to make excuses for each other and join forces to triangulate against others. My narcissistic sister was on a rant that my narcissistic husband had ADHD and that was why he was so lacking in conscientiousness.

Thank you, Dr. Carter, for offering this kind of forum. The questions that come up are very relateable resulting in my not feeling so alone in my experience. May you and yours have a peaceful Thanksgiving.

My father used to beat me. It was always my fault. They said it was warranted discipline and that I deserved it because I was so difficult. My mother even said my poor father's hand hurt from beating me.

I ran into this one . If it doesn't fit into the narcissist's schedule they will shift to non understanding.

Wishing you a loving Thanksgiving Dr.C. Thank you for your continued support, grateful 🙏💫

How can someone say they love you dearly . But when they get upset they say you’re calling them names and it’s okay for them to put you down for the same reasons and words that they never would want to be said or done to them .

I learn not only about narcissism, but also English from your vlogs😊 Today I learned a new phrase: beating someone black and blue😊 Seriously, I have a notebook in which I write down the English words and phrases that are new for me 😊

In Australia we don't have Thanksgiving but we do now have Black Friday sales (imported from the US) where people rush out and buy all sorts stuff they don't need and will eventually end up in landfill.

Dignity, worth, and value. Yes. I have that.

Happy Thanksgiving eve from Little Rhody (Rhode Island)! Dr. C, I started to become aware about this abusive dangerous personality disorder in 2019 by pure accident after going on YT, or was it spiritually guided? I had been married 19 years and most of those I went thru hell! Seeing as this wasn't my 1st marriage, I thought I could put my finger on what the problem was and how to fix it, that's one mistake we all make! I'm not going to rehash my many years of craziness with this Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde! I threw his ass out Thanksgiving night 2019, as of tomorrow it will be 5 years we've been apart, and yes, I went thru all the shit that goes on afterwards such as the gaslighting, etc. etc., let's be friends, you know the deal! It took up to this last year to finally realize I finally have absolutely no more lingering feelings that I prayed would finally go away, 4 years it took to heal myself, and now I'm finally ready to put myself out there and see what this stage of my life has in store for me, 62 years young and ready to find happiness in a new friend or companion, we all deserve to be unconditionally loved and happy! 💜

My ex claims i spoke to his friend while he was in the hospital, saying horrible things. He first started saying it the night my best friend died..That was his excuse for discarding me. I have never ever spoken to his friend. He says Im lying and he is going to destroy my reputation.. I cant understand whats happening!

Thank you so much for your videos. I have just survived a really traumatic experience. I have had to block this cruel narcissistic person. I was a hostage in his house. He played jazz with my dad when we were teenagers. He is so cruel… I am crying buckets. But I love me and I love your videos. I am always willing to looking at myself.

This video is so timely for me. I have had to be around my covert narcissist sister lately as we are both helping our elderly father who is ill. First she was very passively aggressive towards me making a number of vague accusations about our current division of responsibilities. I explained to her that if she did not tell me what I did that she took exception to, I could not avoid repeating it unintentionally. She then brought up something that she held a grudge about for 20 years that I don’t even remember. When I tried to fix things by stating if I had said that, it was not a particularly nice thing to say; she then criticized my apology and came back with a big list of other things that she demanded an apology for. Her need to be superior and read malice into so many things I say and do is frightening.

Remember that ad @ the fried egg and your brain on drugs? Think ‘scrambled egg’ and a brain on Narcissism 😮😮😮😮

This talk on the difference between the silences is amazing! I have listened to so many videos since learning my predicament and this is the FIRST time I have heard this particular topic explained!!! This is one of those very important points in my healing ❤. I am so glad I found this channel ❤. Peace!!!

We’re thankful for you too! Have a lovely 4 days ❤

Dr. C, could it be said that a covert narcissist can be defined by how he/she makes his/her target feel, rather than the lack of overt, observable narcissistic traits? Such as: he/she makes you feel anxious, less confident, have self doubt or be confused the more you are around them?

I'm thankful for all of you, team healthy, too. and very thankful for Dr. C's wonderful mission. hUgz from Ohio, Teresa

many thanks Dr. C,i know you and the whole family will be in my prayers until the moment i die!

I’m sure I’m not alone but I shared too much of myself with the narcissist in my life. I was an open book. I realized they never spoke of themselves much. Often their lives were boring. I was rarely invited with them to go do things. I started to find them uninteresting. Often they would talk about people or tell me nonsense that is if no business of mine. They were really great at asking questions to find out information. They loved to ask how much we paid for something. The list goes on. One day, I realized I no longer wanted to answer their calls (even I available) I did not want to spend time with them (not even on holidays or birthdays) I am completely fine with going a year or two without seeing them. Yes the narcissist love to rate people on their clothes, homes, cars, who our friends/associates are. I am no longer being hurt by the distance. I realize I loved my idea of having a close relationship. I’d hoped to be treated with kindness. I definitely see through it.

Such validating information. Thank you. I struggle with guilt and shame. And, sometimes, when I'm really tired, i replay mental audio that says, well, maybe, Karole, you're the narcissist. I know it's not true. And i wish i could stop hearing that nonsense in my head.

I am so incredibly thankful for you on this Thanksgiving Day! Your insights and advice have helped me through some tough times with people in my life. I appreciate you! 🦃🍁🍂

Thanks for distinguishing the grief and defense from passive aggression. Narcissist kept accusing me of being passive aggressive and telling others that I was passive aggressive. Used a very confident tone of voice that few would question.

Thank you Dr. Carter 🙏 Your words are the light most of us could not see. Only recently I started to see this light. I was blind most of my life. 🙏❤️

Thank you again!!!! When you ask to get to know a narcissist they always answer with the things they do, mostly accomplishments or trips to the beach, but nothing about what is really going on in their lives. They never tell their feelings or have the wisdom to offer. Everything is superficial and often boring because it is a lot of "humble bragging." People pound on others through emotional beatings as well as covert meanness that are so covert that those around them will not see it.

Question for my dear Dr C. Are we a Trophy to the Narc? The Answer came to me as Yes. Are we used by the Narc to give the impression to people she is nice he must be a 'good man'. Never thought about that consciously. I am much more observant nowadays. When i hit the right note with the Narcs they shut up. I wrote my ideas, my truth to my Narc 1.. No nasty, red underlined ( she was a teacher) response yet. Whenever i see her name i feel a stab in my chest and my heart is beating. I will get over it. I have to cope with family however hard it is. I am learning and very grateful to you. We receive a family photo every year at Thanksgiving from my son and family in the USA.

Why do narcs family members enable them to be destructive and abusive to other's lives, even their family members that are so called "Christians" or family members on the police force? It really makes one loose faith in anyone or anything.

Love that house Looks so warm and comfy and Gus is there🎉❤

Thank for for the help. Enjoy the week.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!

So interesting. I've seen myself wrong for all my life. I am completely a mixed bag. I admit my faults. It's so wonderful to be without the need of this persons approval. I'm letting go.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING Dr. C

There conversations like a Rainbow you'll never catch. 🌈

Every one of these feels like the best one yet!! 🎉HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM GOOD OLE NRH!!

Growing up with both parents being alcoholics, each of them attempting suicide at different times, the father figure not present in any way physically or emotionally, unless he was being a sexually (verbally) abusive cretin, aaand the mother having the bonus attributes of being an emotionally immature narcissist that raged regularly..... deep breath.....Growing up with these two as role models was a mess. I'm so confused and overwhelmed.

Our Thanksgiving was in October up here in Caribou land, Canada. It seems to be a bigger deal down there, the USA. Thanks for giving us a space to learn. 🙏🦋🍀

Thank you for your deep insight in all the minor aspects of narcissism - Very helpful in my practise. Greetings from Denmark

I hope you have a great Thanksgiving Doctor Carter!

Happy thanksgiving Dr.C, and family, Gus and all team healthy 😊.

Thank you I really needed this today..the narc did a number on me ...holiday coordinated ...seems holidays they have a need to destroy mine

Question #2. Oh, my. What a relief to hear your explanation, Dr. C. For years - years - I've been trying to make sense of my need to pull back from him after those humiliating outbursts while he goes on as if nothing happened. Intent.

Thank you -Happy Thanksgiving All

Thanks Dr. C; I needed this pep talk.

Happy Thanksgiving to all in the US from Down Under!

What do you do when someone’s low self esteem gets to be too much to deal with? I had to walk away from a close family member when I finally realized my support was never enough.

Writing into a Journal in a manner permitting one to review (without simply ranting) is a good technique. I always end up ranting and then afraid to go back to re-read. Thank you! Happy Thanksgiving 🦃

Happy thanksgiving to you Dr Carter and your family. Gus also, of course. Kind regards from Australia 🇦🇺 and God bless you all. 🙏

Self preservation is a great thing to do but I feel like I have been doing it forever. It has helped to get myself out of my depressive hole and calm my anxiety, along with get my health back on track. Almost time to get my mind back to a state where I can then talk with the trigger in my life.

I told someone that my therapist thought he was a narcissist. Pausing, he said, “What’s that? Oh! One of those mean people? No, that’s not me.”

I wish you and your family a very happy and blessed Thanksgiving.

Thanks Dr. C and Have a great Thanksgiving holiday with your lovely wife.😀😃

I'm certain most podcasts bros are Narcissits 😡🤬. Great video Dr 😁 very much appreciated 😊

Brilliant Video. Thank You.

Thank you I need help with my perspective of myself .I shut down and wonder about myself

Enjoy🦃Thankful for Team Healthy

Last year there was a miscommunication on Thanksgiving dinner plans somehow. My parents ate at my place several years in a row. When I asked what time to pick them up my mom seemed surprised but willing and will speak to my father. He decided they weren't coming because he cooked a turkey breast. I can only assume a tense exchange because when my mom called back, she was very upset. When I talked to him about it a week later he said "yeah, i cooked a turkey breast for us." But I wasn't invited. He just wanted to control the day. Last time I cooked holiday dinner for the three of us.

Thank you Dr.C! Is there an "easy" way to see if someone is just a passive or fearful person vs them being a covert narcissist teaming with the more overt narc? For instance, this person (father) allows their wife (step mother) to lecture and pick apart their son and his wife's choices. He didn't disagree or speak up once in 45 minutes of lecture. I don't know if he agreed with what was said or he was too fearful of disagreeing with his hot headed wife. I am not sure if we should be going low contact with him as well. Thank you again for all that you do! I hope you and your family have a great Thanksgiving! Please tell Gus I said hi! :)

Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family Dr. Carter. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us. I find it extremely helpful.

Thank you so much Dr. Carter. Your show has helped me so much. Happy Thanksgiving!

It is Thursday morning and he woke me up accusing me of lying!!!!!!!! Has he lost his mind? Dementia or just mean?

My narcissist ex, We have been on and off since last summer. I now have made the decision to move back to a different state to be closer to my family. family was always an issue for him he did not like my family. he says he will change- I am not sure if I can believe him. As sad as it is I do think he is the love of my life and I hope That I am not making a bad decision by moving home.

Have a great thanksgiving day

Yes, Brazil here

We're watching you in Romania, too!

Joining a tad late from NC 🇺🇸 . Happy Thanksgiving.

Your videos help me so much.