Openly envious people always act as if you stole something from them 😅

"Comparison is the death of joy." ~ Mark Twain

When you are around envious individuals they will ultimately take away from your life. Healthy people will add to your life and to the world.

Narcissists are egomaniacs consumed by envy and Jealousy. They haaaaate it when someone compliments you in their presence. Hell, they even get upset if someone speaks well of your dog!!

Wow. "Not all personalities deserve your empathy." This is a critical 180 that all survivors have to make to heal. Powerful and insightful. Thank you.

In the simplest terms "Your joy is their misery & your misery is their joy." They will kick you while you're down and shit all over your accomplishments/worth. I've met a few people that have the instant reaction to laugh at someone struggling. And if someone is joyful and laughing, they will make a dig or simply look annoyed or bothered. 🚩🚩🚩 Staying far away from those people improved my mental health and happiness 💯 percent.

Just because someone has more, doesn't mean they are more.

My neighbors are envious people with zero empathy, they actually scare me.

"He is rich who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature." ~ Socrates

Envy can be dangerous. When severe it becomes all consuming & inconsolable. To stop their intolerable pain, they will destroy everything & everyone driving their envy. ie. "If I can't have it, no one can."

You can actually see the envy/resentment as they (narcissists) clench their jaws in response to any success/possessions that upset their fragile self esteem. Usually accompanied by cold, joyless eyes.

Schadenfreude... we don't have this word in the English language but it means taking delight in another's misfortune.

The green shirt is spot on, given the subject matter! 😂

I'd sum it up as people who are just empty shells without a spark of life within. Amassing material possessions is their way of feeling alive, alas, it's fleeting at best, and once they have what they have been craving, it immediately becomes uninteresting. Enter a vicious cycle.

The great trauma counselor, Diane Langberg, says that while we're all sinners, we don't all build Auschwitzes. That is such an insightful way to put it.

You are describing how my life has played out. It has been totally crazy. Family, friends, strangers and all I tried to do was be a good person.

Being the object of envy of strangers, family, and so called friends leaves deep wounds.

Envy and jealousy work together and are mean spirits; walk away because you can't change the minds of those who inhabit these traits no matter how kind you are; I've learned this absolute truth during 70+ years of living

I know a few people with envy and jealousy. They become small and irrelevant. I try my best to not be envious.

Anyone in your life Dr. Carter, is SO BLESSED to have you- including us. Your videos are comforting, full of wisdom, and a calmness that this world needs. I appreciate you! By the way, GREEN looks splendid on you. 💚

I graduated college with honors, at age 58! On the Thursday evening graduation, the narc mother tried her best to ruin it all. Wasn't showered or ready at the time I asked her to be. Sat in the kitchen in her bathrobe pouting. She showed NO happiness for me whatsoever. Wouldn't speak to me on the 40 minute drive to the college, but acted like the life of the party around my student friends. Afterwards, she tossed a card from the doorway onto the guest bed (where I was staying at her home since I live out of state.) It was despicable behavior. It took a couple more years before I learned about her condition called "narcissism." I never knew her lifelong meanness towards me was an actual THING with a name! Thank God, I'm at peace with NOOOO Contact now for 5.5 years! Glad I found you Dr. Carter! Gratitude & Blessings.

"Resentful yearning". This expression says so much more (at least to me) than "to begrudge".

Love that you’re wearing green when you talk about envy!! 😂👍

When a poverty of spirit exists envy will rear its ugly head.

Great topic. The word MORE stands out for me. They always want more. More power more control more of your soul. They hate when you don't fall for their tricks anymore.

Wrath is cruel and anger is outrageous, but who is able to stand before envy? Proverbs 27:4

You got them nailed. I have many times thought I was crazy. Hell is too good for these people.

OMG! Thank you Dr. Carter, I cannot believe what you said! And that is something like, “once they feel like they are on top of the heap, (the right home & toys, money, the right car, The parties, the husband, the kids, the vacations), they don’t want you to have anything to do with what is their’s!” Wow, many years of mystery explained so perfectly! So so true, like not getting invited, not being included, being ignored, being lied to, sneaking around, unbelievable rudeness, and more, all because they believe they were are top of the heap and they don’t want to share it.”

I never understood my envious sister. She displayed such cruel lack of empathy and being an empath myself, I couldn’t wrap my head around her glee when I had permanent eye and facial damage and again later when I went into seizures in the ER where she stood over me and mocked my face. She had always hung her head in shame around me for many different reasons. My reaction was to feel guilty, like just by being me I was doing something wrong. I now see how comparative and competitive she has been and it’s just not in her nature, being a narcissist, to try to connect with other people on a deeper level. She must be pretty miserable inside and covers it with money and possessions. I think I’m better off being a truly caring and empathetic person. I never thought I’d be saying that. 😄

Great people use that envy as fuel, it's not even a hate of the other person, more like an energetic encouragement, that we can have it too. Seeing someone better should be an inspiration to push us ahead. Instead of trying to tear others down, great people build themselves up. They come from a place of "If they can have it, so can I, but I have to work hard!"

I almost think the enablers were worse than the covert in this regard. He was more or less indifferent about my having any successes (at least on the surface, or to my face). But, he was all for having someone else do his behind the scenes bidding, or pulling strings that couldn't be traced back to him, leaving him to maintain plausible deniability in the public sphere.

Thanks so much for simplifying this issue; as well as narcissism. You have described my Immediate family dynamics, in a nutshell. This destructive trait hampers the development of wholesome relationships; and seems to follow the envied & envious to their graves. I’ve spent most of my life subjected to either incestuous sexual abuse, envy, narcissism or domestic violence / trauma . But, with yours and the help of sought after others . . . I am finally on the mend. At 62, I’m done. I’ve had to distance myself from all. Hoping to find and sustain some joy during my remaining days.

My narcissist sister let her envious nature overule her common sense. She preyed on our elderly aunt and got our aunt to assign Laura the powers of attorney. She finally got our aunt to assign everything to her, except her house and car. Laura got all the insurance, bank accounts, and stocks assigned over to her. When my aunt died, her estate was worth some $600,000+. My aunt had no heirs. Probate Court left 25% to her brother, and a certain amount to 17 relatives, but Laura got to assign what that amount was. It wasn't much. A civil court decided that she committed a criminal act. However, we did not have the money to prosecute her. So she got away with stealing my aunt's estate, and preying on an elderly woman!

Sometimes I wonder if I empathize enough because years ago I was told "You don't seem to care about your customers when you interact with them." When a friend shares something positive in their life, I'm genuinely happy for them. The narc in my life rarely shows empathy, and if they do I wonder if it's genuine. They are envious though; they always want what someone else has but they aren't willing to work for it. I can't imagine what it's like being that way.

Thank you for linking these two. I have a friend who is extremely jealous of my ministry & knowledge of the Bible. She cuts me down & tries to manipulate & bully me. She regularly tries cheating me financially & stealing money from me. If I buy something, she wants to deprive me of it & take it (& my money). She's a millionaire & I am on Social Security. She also LIES a lot.

I have never felt that I deserved what someone else had or maybe they didn't deserve it but I have felt envious in that I wished I my life was more like theirs. I think my feelings are more like envy with admiration. I sure don't want to take their stuff. In fact someone like that sounds scary! I struggle with feeling like I wasted my youth.

Goodness gracious- talking about our current politicians again. Thank you again!

Ringing LOTS of bells. Because I have slightly more material advantages -- WHICH I ALWAYS TRY TO SHARE -- I'm someone, according to my brother, who has no problems. And how dare I ask to be perceived as a person with problems and needs. HE has problems and needs, and he's allowed to talk about them, but if I do anything other than constantly praise and shower him with encouragement (WHICH I DO!), then I'm the worst. He has said, verbatim, "I don't feel sorry for you," after describing a trauma. Yes, it wasn't long after that that our relationship effectively ended. I'm still sad about it. But there's no other way. No matter how much praise and encouragement I gave him, it was never enough. (And yes it's weird for a brother to turn to a sister of this.)

The behaviors of hyper-competitiveness, one-upmanship and low empathy discussed in this video describes the leadership style of a "trio of toxicity" I once knew (Nicole, Phil, Meghan).

This explains so much to me on several levels. Growing up, I had a family member who would ask what I wanted for Christmas. And every Christmas, almost without fail, this person would get for herself what I had requested. I could never voice how or why it bothered me so and was shamed and accused of being selfish. Now, I understand the motive behind the person asking. Such freedom in knowing that now. Thank you.

Covetnous. "Thou shall not covet." God.

I love how you explain how other people think .

Ugh, I have stories...one in particular, where someone was basically delusional about succeeding with something they weren't actually qualified for (in hindsight - they are a very persuasive person and had me convinced at the time that they were a shoe-in, I am out of that fish-bowl now and can see things clearly). I shared in their excitement, I was in that weird delusion with them, happy FOR them, I said "If you win, maybe you could hire me as your nanny" (or something, I cant recall exactly what) and I swear to god, this person (a narc, obviously) turned around and rewarded me for my support & enthusiasm by telling me "don't think you're going to ride my coat-tails"! One of many times this person said something so insensitive and cruel for no reason & really inappropriate considering the circumstances. Of course they didn't even make the "semi-finals" as it were...no I did not rub it in, which is something they probably would have done had the shoe been on the other foot...I DO have empathy...I encouraged them to try another time, with something else, to not give up. Now, I believe that same person has sabotaged my life, my relationships, due to another delusional belief, in essence, they have rationalized beating me down because they believe I am responsible for a life failure of theirs that was 100% their own doing and undoing. They triangulated me, in hindsight they have been triangulating me and everyone else for a very long time.

Hebrews 13:5-6 (KJV) Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me. 🙏♥️ God Bless you and thank you again for the messages that you share (in the loving kindness of protecting people from unforeseen circumstances whereby they become victims of ruthless people who engage in evil tactics without remorse).

This describes my now ex to a Tee. I feel bad for him but I know leaving that relationship was for the best.

Oh my goodness this is exactly what I've been dealing with and just broke a frienship over. I love how you said they don't like the word enough. That's how I felt around this person - like I was never enough.

dear dr carter, you have sustained me over a v difficult period recently. thank you so much. a dear friend died unexpectedly whom i had come to really love, and the family are being quite horrid. i am trying to keep my dignity, say nothing, avoid them. they bullied and exploited her, took her for granted. all they asked was, is there a will, where is it. not how did it happen, how was she lately. those who cared for her, in fact kept her alive, are ignored and worse, treated as interlopers.

I’ve either admired or been happy for those that have more than me and tried to find out how they achieved those things and could never understand envy but now I get it.

I like meeting people with so much esteemed character and personality that they have no concern to give it away freely. It's because I trust they accept my empathy conversely. 🙏😉

Thank you, Dr. Les 🌞 Your guidance is a true blessing…

The narcissist have the beautiful home with the swimming pool the beautiful maintenance lawn the nice automobiles and the capability to travel and enjoy life but they choose instead to go around the neighborhood or family and people they consider friends or acquaintance and make their life a living hell and be so dependent on them to be the narcs entertainment director and to be at their beckoning call at any time of the day and any hour of the night. I can't understand with all of the beauty God is blessed them with that they can't even enjoy that and stay in their own lane but they can go through the neighborhood or through family friends or acquaintances and be the worst nightmare you can even imagine. SMH.

"Possessions are nothing more than an inconvenience and expectations simply a premeditated resentment." ~ Unknown

This is why the super rich cannot stop and enjoy what they have... they compete for supersize yachts and spaceship rides ... I wonder if they have any joy at all... but unfortunately they get to make decisions for huge numbers of people ... and they do it without empathy for those people.

Dr. Carter, you are my blessed treasure. 🙌

wow. i truly and deeply love my sister; thanks to this video, i sure understand her a lot better now. i hope she eventually comes to realize how great she is in her own right rather than living in the perpetual comparison, criticism, and insecurity of envy.

A million thanks for this video! May the good Lord continue to strengthen you to do this good work.

Your list beginning at 8:00, including “enough” and “satisfied” gave me understanding to why I had to detach from the N. family member who cannot listen without comparing.

Looking forward to this one! What a great topic!

Been waiting for this one thankyou DR C.

Is it possible for a person to act as you describe & not be a narcissist? Every narcissist I know sounds like this

Yes. I have now learned to put the envious in my life behind a barrier. Linking envy to low empathy, and to taunting, answers my key questions about their behaviour. It explains a *lot*. Actually, I feel sufficiently safe from them these days to feel very sorry for them, they really miss out on the one thing worth having, the joy of true connection. Thank you!!

Dr Carter, Love you and your Angel self. Your chair even give me a visual of your wings😉

I was once in my life more humble and I was dealing with my narcissist husband and actually just in my survival mode. After we divorced then I started having some envy towards my friend. She had her parents help her with all of her difficult financial situations. I was struggling to raise my children on a very low income and I didn't have any help. So I started feeling sorry for myself,at the time I didn't realize that I was feeling sorry for myself but rather I was just in a difficult place. So after some years I told my friend that I was jealous of her and that when she fell into a pile of crap then she came out smelling like a rose but when I fell into a pile of crap then I smelled like crap. She said well I didn't realize that you felt this way and I can see where you can feel this way. I told her I needed to work on myself and I didn't like who I was becoming. She said we all have our insecurities and I envy you in ways because you have came through your crap better than I have. So we have to acknowledge each other and talk about what is eating at us and not let that cancer spread out and take us over. Yes life is difficult and trying and crazy at times,most times that is. We have to search ourselves thoroughly and decide what we have to change because we'll never be better and move forward if we don't always stop and consider what or why do we feel and think as we do.

An envious person becomes depressed when they see you succeed and wants nothing more than for you to fail. I believe, no I'm positive that envy is the root of all evilness. Thank you Dr. C, it perfectly completes the video about jealousy and now I've learned the difference between both.

This topic is just what I was thinking today! I have a colleague at work who is nice and fun most times but also the most envious person anyone has met. This video taught me to beware the lack of empathy which shows itself in her now and then...

Very useful video....everyone feels envy at sometime in their lives but when you're happy with your own situation envy dies down☺

I have had to deal with envy and jealousy my whole life. I have finally come to terms with knowing I would rather be alone than engage with these miserable individuals. No! It is not true that misery loves company. Misery fits right in with miserly. They are miserable and cheap misers. Stingy with there belongings, their empathy and compassion. I have come to despise these envious evil-doers.

I can't imagine any human being that doesn't have some sort of envy but could it be balanced out with empathy trying to walk in another shoes and see their perspective I think most humans fall short of being the good true and beautiful person they were born to be

Right out of the gate, Dr. Carter- i so appreciate how you explained the difference between jealousy and envy. In regards to narcissism, your explanation made so much sense I’m (edited *in) understanding why a narcissist does what they do. Thanks for all you do for team healthy! You and your videos are my “bonus.”

Thank you so much for this DR Les, Truth and clarity, When they're envious they do things to try make you envious of them, Life is a competition, Peace, love, Respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe 🌷🐶🌚💜🐱🌈🌌💛❤😃🌝💚👽🌹😘😊🎨🖼👁💙🕊☘🐉

Dr. Carter!, sometimes I don’t think a “ like” button is enough to thank you for how your sessions are helping me to heal. But thank you so much!! 🙏 🙏

Thanks for another informative video. I am astonished at how many envious people are out there. I have had several friendships or rather what I thought were sincere friends turn on me out of envy. The sad part is those same people had way more than me financially and yet were harbouring all this envy at little things. I found myself having to walk away over and over again from such people. There is a saying that says.... an envious friend is a dangerous enemy. All of this saddens me. I wish it were easier to find good and sincere friends. God bless you and sweet Gus!

I feel envy pretty often, but I also feel empty. It doesn't have to one or the other.

I made a delish Apple cake for the next morning's breakfast, thinking i was doing something sweet. My partner ate a piece,i caught him talking to himself how great It was, he did'nt know that i was right behind him. Then when he saw me he immediately changed his facial expression.Doesn't want to let me know It was delicious. He did'nt eat It anymore... I ate It alone for the next 3 days. He immediately said he's going to Cook his potato cake& he did. guess the out come? It was all dry,he did'nt even tell me he threw It away,i discovered so because i found It in the dustbin the following day.

The other day, my mother told my 3 year old daughter she is envious of her hair. It was weird.

So well stated and explained, thank you so much for all your very wise insights, Dr. Carter 💕

This is so helpful. My only sister ticks all these boxes. This video is good reminder of what to look out for. Very thankful for this video.

I don’t know if I agree 100%. I am able to feel both envy and empathy. I don’t feel a need to resent those whom I envy because I can understand that the envy is my problem to deal with.

Fantastic!! Whenever I've learned any of these aspects from experience I've paid with a bump on my head. Dr. Carter Your wealth of knowledge is not just fulfilling but I imagine it also has come at price. Thank you for sharing. Know you are making a difference. Because of your work ill have less bruises. Thanks again.

Great information! It is very difficult interacting with a person when the past is not resolved, who's perceived slights are still swirling around, instead of being present! It presents its self in so many ways!

Not all sarcasm is bad, just the kind that cuts one person down to inflate another. Some sarcasm is fun between those who can get the implied joke.... no belittling allowed.

Oh really, how interesting😵! I don't get envy, 🤔think I'll quit while I'm definitely ahead, thank you! 😽

He said his ex was jealous of him and i was like ??? How?? But it was the other way around i guess. Never heard of that in a relationship.

Best to separate yourself from envious people as it will eventually mess with your mind if you stay around them long enough.

Thank you, Dr. C! 🌻

Mine handled conflict by saying we are done talking about this.

Years ago I visited a new home my College roommate had purchased and helped design, I really wondered how I would feel..I was so relieved that I had such a positive attitude and was so excited for her…and so much of that came from HER attitude also

Beware of too much black and white thinking, and thinking in terms of "we and them", though. There are, of course people who act and talk in such destructive ways that it is totally necessary to make sound boundaries or even get away and and go no contact - yet most people have both good and bad in them, and all this almost revelling in "how bad they are" (and how we are so different and better), might not be very sound in the long run. It might be a time for it, but it also might be a time for just focusing on other things in life. Well, maybe I am just preaching for myself. Have good life! :-)

I hope you'll do a video on false empathy. I've met a few narcissists who possess this. They're very convincing until you figure them out.

😲wow thank you Dr C for sharing your knowledge on this now I have a better understanding of these people, the places these narcissists take you to is unbelievable and often hard to fathom,very stuck and troubled soul's,but they won't do the inner work to grow.

Your videos give me encouragement everyday, Dr. C. Thanks! It's easy to forget but you help remind me!

How is this different from economic inequality that's so extreme it actually hurts the economy? According to my friend who worked on Wall Street for 8 years and survived the World Trade Center bombing of 2001, "If you hoard money and never use it, the economy isn't going to move anyway and given enough time will create an extremes wealth inequality that will blow up in the greed monsters faces." He said he's not jealous. Every person in his company was killed that day, including his 2 good friends and her unborn baby - "and still people choose not to learn that extreme anything (esp greed) kills people." He was burned over 60% of his body and still has little memory of why he lived. He doesn't want anything they have, because he thinks what they have is nothing. He doesn't care if they're the wealthiest person on earth. "If you can constantly look at pictures of sick & starving children and still whine all the time about your own problems you got nothing I want."

THE GREATEST THING WE CAN ACHEIVE IN THIS LIFE IS TO BE OF SERVICE TO OUR BROTHER OR SISTER, IT IS A GREAT HONOUR; BUT NARCISSISTS CAN'T DO THIS BECAUSE THEY CAN'T GIVE OF THEMSELVES, THEY CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT THEMSELVES! NOW THAT I'VE BEEN REMINDED, OF THIS, I CAN MOVE TOWARDS IT, BUT IT DOES NOT MEAN I DON'T PROTECT MYSELF FR EVIL!

Informative video!. Thank you.

This was helpful. Thank you ♥️♥️

@ Dr. C and community… Thank you empathy is good. Sarcasm can also be a coping mechanism in my opinion.

And Dr. Les- yes your videos have given insight in to myself and others. I need to work on how to respond when in these dynamics, particularly with family whom carry some narcissistic tendencies. Of the passive/ covert style. Has taken me decades to get insight and understanding in to the dysfunctional ways of some folks in my life, busy doing life... your insights have given me fresh perspectives and I thank you. From the west coast of the USA.

Thank you, Dr Carter, for raising the difficult and, in my experience, rarely discussed subject of envy. Once again, you've shed very helpful light on my path and helped me realize I am not alone as I seek to let the lies of envy roll off me like the proverbial water off the duck's back. I'm not sure why this is so challenging for me, but it is, and I really appreciate your help.

Dr. Carter, I'd like to add another one that comes straight from Crazyville: _How dare you?_ If an envious person feels like having been deprived of something that they believe is rightfully theirs, this characteristic seems to flare up rather quickly, along with all associated ramifications and repercussions.

Another great one, Doc! Thank you!