There's three possibilities behind Jessie's weird relationship with his cousin: 1. The script originally wrote the two as boyfriend and girlfriend, but they made the change in their relationship much later into the movie's production and never bothered to apply that change in the animation. 2. A good chunk of this could've had a lot of this animation done overseas and could've been lost in translation in terms of how the animators were instructed to draw the two being affectionate to each other, but Golden Films decided to roll with it anyway. 3. Whoever was art director for this had something repressed going on and this is another case of "The Writer's Thinly-Veiled Fetish" leeching its way in.

Panty shots, characters dying, weird crap with toys, and incest, lots and lots of incest: are we sure this isn't an anime?

Remember: when everyone else abandons you, material possessions never will.That's the true meaning of Christmas.

"I care about you because I was designed to!" - That may be one of my favorite lines ever. Given the context it may unseat "Hmm I dunno, I think we should be enemies" from Lion and the King. Tough call.

Incest, Golden films, abrupt dark overtures, and inappropriate sexualization of annoying characters?! Oh, Phelous, we thank you for these Christmas gifts we have received.

"I care about you, Jesse, because I was designed to!" -Super Duper Guy, Miracle in Toyland "If I want a piece of gum, it's only because I was programmed to want a piece of gum." -Bender, Futurama

1:17 >Shows people in wartime >'Miracle in Toyland' I have several questions.

I guess you can say that soldier died... of LONELINESS!

I wonder if the kids were supposed to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but it was changed at the last minute. They might have pulled a "Sailor Moon".

Someone had a little to much fun drawing that elf.

I almost expected a "Died from loneliness" Joke when Jesse left the soldier alone.

I would've loved a Jacob's Ladder twist at the end, and Jesse really died in Vietnam.

That Jessie sure is an hardcore kid... He goes out home barefoot in his pajamas just to wave goodbye to his father IN THE MIDDLE OF THE COLD SEASONS

Anything goes in Toyland.

"I care about you Jessie, because I was *designed* to!" :D **Jessie cries harder.**

Just wanna say, Phelous, that your older videos have such great re-watch value. I always start off thinking "I'll watch juuuust one," then I'll see a bunch of your other episodes in the sidebar and think, "Ooo! I LOVE that one!" and then the next thing I know it's 6AM and I have about fifty tabs open and my computer hanging on for dear life, praying that it won't overload. Your vids are like potato chips, I can never watch just one. Also, I can not *imagine* how I ever existed without the divine light that is Old Man and Wabuu in my life, and for that I must offer you my humblest, most sincere thanks.

Something tells me that they originally wrote Jessie and his cousin as unrelated love interests in the first draft, but then scrapped it at the last minute.

I'm guessing that the animators got a earlier draft of this "story" and voice actor got a later draft, I'm guessing in the earlier draft they weren't cousins.

The look on the soldiers' faces when they're dancing makes me laugh everytime I see it XD They look like they're in horrible pain...which may be the case, given the movie they're in.

Phelous, if you wanna get rid of Bat Hero so badly, give him a walky-talky, walk out of the room for a few seconds then come back. he'll drop dead due to abandonment the instant you see him again, guaranteed! i mean it worked for the Leonardo brat...

"You disgust me, son." I'm gonna take the time to appreciate how well the lip sync matched with that sentence. 👏👏😁👍

Okay so the main kid is Leonardo, the bootleg superhero is Cosmo and the elf girl sounds like Harley Quinn. This is an awful crossover.

This bit of sexual tension brought to you by Folgers.

I find it hard to feel sympathy for Jessie in regards to his relationship with his dad given that the dad is a Colonel in the military which, last I checked is a very time consuming and stressful job.

Is it weird that I think this guy is funnier than Nostalgia Critic? I know NC is more popular, but his reviews never make me laugh as much as Phelous' do. I usually think NC's comments are kind of predictable while Phelous always surprise me with hilarious voice overs and random character cameos.

I swear, sometimes Jesse's dad looks like Handsome Squidward.

Super Duper Guy - "and here's where I'd keep my xmas cheer.... IF I HAD ANY!"

I'm so happy Gabrielle's voice actress really shines as Taimi in Guild Wars 2. She's incredibly talented and has a lot of range outside of the talent void of Golden Films

I was gonna argue that hand holding wasn't necessarily a sign of attraction, but then I realized that 1) I would be defending a shitty Golden Films movie 2) I saw the rest of the film. Seriously, why did she have to be his cousin? The overtones are ridiculous. He could've been staying with a friend of his Dad's.

Why the hell do they have a framed picture of a car on their wall? The spoon photo in The Room made more sense.

The soldier no one cared about dies of loneliness

Am i seriously the only one who found it hilarious how the soldier action figures start dancing??? 12:22 what's with their weird "eeeeek! A rat!!" expression and moves!! XD

Ok... I'm just gonna say it: Whoever did the script and stroyboards for this movie had some serious sexual repression going on. There is that hot redhead with the freckles in the dream, the weird touchy-grabby way the cousins interact (sorry... it IS distracting), overly-sexualized Elf girl and the constant semi-upskirt shots she gets (or this: 17:24 ) and the kinda Oedipal undertone of overcoming his absent father. Come on! You can see it too!

The thing with Jessie and his cousin is known as a relationship writing fumble. It's kind of like an unintentional ship tease. This case makes me think of the one with Ben and Gwen, being originally written as classmates and then changed to cousins late in planning. And because this is from a substandard animation studio, there was probably a lot of miscommunication among writers and animators regarding this change.

Jessy's father looks like an older version of the MC in Grandma got run over by a reindeer

So this what happens when old man owns a toy store

Every time Phelous uploads a video, I am reminded that there is hope for humanity after all.

7:02 Handsome Squidward? IS THAT YOU?!!?

Funfact: A movie was being planned in which Phelous, with the help of Baltard, Robert Cop, Motorcycle the Pooh, a ridiculously named rooster toy, the Evilstick and some TMNT-knockoffs, would rescue Old Man, who was stuck on a snowy mountain and (since snow is frozen water) therefore completely useless now. But his cousin refused to participate. She said, "I'm not making out with my cousin! That's gross!" That's why the film was never made. Phelous still tried to salvage the project and suggested that Allison could play the part, but the producer said, "Is she your cousin? If not, I have to decline the proposal."

You know, only while viewing this review for the third-fourth time, I've realized that the dead soldier from the opening dream sequance and the toy soldier Jessie is later assigned to stay with and dies, is the same guy.

It's the Golden Films cartoon where someone does stay dead from "death by loneliness".

This is easily one of your best, phelous, and your jokes are 100% spot on (your Cosby is fantastic). BUT, I gotta say that Cam Clarke stole the show here. From his smacking around his own teammates, his almost bipolar response to things, him giving that sick guy the middle finger that the way he just blows up at those boxes, he was just dishing out a Christmas Dinner of ham and cheese, and every time he was on screen ended with me in tears.

Babes in Toyland was weirder than I remembered

I don't know why Jessie's dad was so confused as to how his son got to that mountain. Clearly his first assumption shoulda been that Jessie abused the bad scene continuity to get there.

You know what would be a real miracle a old man cameo

5:55 A. He's not even typing on the keyboard B. His hand is going in front of the layer that the actual PC is so he's just tapping his fingers on top of the computer. *Truly golden animation*

never stop the early ending joke, it's always fun

Behold, Bootleg Zone the Movie!

In all fairness, "I had to get toys to help me save my daddy!" could be used for an insanity plea...

And is it just me or am I the only one who would love to see a bunch of animators here on the internet team up together to reanimate this insane Christmas movie a la Saberspark's Joshua and the Promised Land Reanimate Collab?

Missed opportunity for a joke: when Phelous says "It's just a giant snow job on screen right now", he should've cut to Snow Job from GI Joe.

"bummer, dude :(" i want that to be my eulogy

I didn’t know Timmy Turner’s dad was in this movie

I'm over here dying laughing. Every film just has to find a way to put that circle of death dancing animation in there lool

I can't stop laughing at the soldiers dancing in the background during the musical number. Damn this movie is going to kill me! Lol

I feel so bad for Bat Hero.

...the awkward moment when Tommy Wisou is a better actor than this kid.

PHELOUS. PHELOUS, HOLY FUCK. SUPER DUPER GUY IS VOICED BY TIMMY'S DAD IN FAIRLY ODD PARENTS. "I'M SHOWING RESPECT BY KNOCKING ON THE DOOR BUT ASSERTING MY AUTHORITY AS A SUPERHERO BY COMING IN ANYWAY!"

I'm guessing that soldier died of loneliness.

"How's Annie? HOW'S ANNIE??"

Honestly the "Toys" look like people in cosplay

11:04 actually that's a Feather. They still got the power all wrong though, Feathers are supposed to give you a cape.

Watching this Christmas Classic again!

"You disgust me son. This is why I don't want to spend time with you" ROFL

How should we begin this cute magical child-friendly Christmas movie? With a fucking death filled war scene of course!

Probably a long shot, but what if Jesse is actually Old Man in his younger days? That would explain why he's such a shit father. He followed his late father's example and somehow ended up being the crappier dad. I wonder when Beauty's toys will come to life and force him to fix his relationships with his kids

That elf has a garter belt and suspenders even though she doesn't seem to be wearing stockings for those things to connect to.

Between the hot cousin and the sexy elf, this is easily the best Goodtimes flick of the bunch.

The overly sexualized elf girl's voice sounds like Harley Quinn.

WHY DOES SUPER DUPER GUY SOUND LIKE TIMMY TURNER'S DAD

I’m probably reading too much into this movie but I think that Super Duper guy and the Sexy elf are supposed to be how Jesse sees his cousin and himself in his mind, which makes all the close scenes with them even creepier. However there has to be something to this theory, just look at them. Jesse looks like a younger Super Duper guy and Gabriellla and sexy elf look like twins almost!

To be fair... Actually... My BF works security and you'd be shocked by how many cleaning crew leave doors wide open and leave them unlocked after they are done. If you want in to almost any building with a cleaning service you just need to watch for them to leave them check the doors before the security company does a walk through.

"Kiss my ass, bat hero!" Another of Phelous's gold comments

Is it wrong I want Krampus to appear and take out all the characters?

That was a lot of fun to watch, Phelous! You are always awesome, even when forced to suffer through GoldenDingoGoodTimes crap!

You know how that opening sequence would also make sense even with the father still being alive? If the boy was playing with his toys that his father gave to him, imagining him into his game, it keeps reminding him of his father - who is still at war - and he wished his father would be home for Christmas.

This was my first ever Phelous review and I'm so glad I clicked on it. I didn't expect it to make me laugh so hard, I've been hooked on your videos ever since!

Is it wrong that the part that made me laugh the hardest was the part when he thought his dad was dead? I know that's extremely fucked up to say but his reaction to it is just... "Edgelord" is an understatement for this guy XD

I can't believe I missed the Twin Peaks reference the first time I watched this!

Oh, like this can be worse than Magic Gift of the Snowman... ....I was wrong

Literally EVERYONE in this fatpile has blue eyes except the only black guy, and he's wearing opaque shades. They sure went to a lot of effort not to go to zero effort. Also, those backup dancer soldiers' faces. _shudders_

i quess goldenfilm heard the complains that people have on the spoiling opening of beauty qnd the beast and thought: 'well than we just make an intro that has noyhing to do with the vireo! heeeuuuuuuggghhhhhee!' (yes, i think every person that works for goldenfilms sounds like old man)

_Kid starts talking_ Me: Hello, Cam. Phelous: Hello, Cam Clarke. Jinx!

I wonder if this is based (very loosely) on the 70's version of the Babes in Toyland operetta, but they changed the title to Miracle in Toyland because they thought "babes" (meaning children) sounded too raunchy. Which doesn't explain that Naughty Elf Barbie doll...

I didn't know Maeby and George-Michael were the stars of this

No Old Man? This review is completely useless now.

The subtitles for this video are freakin' hilarious.

Gendo Ikari is a better father than Jessie's dad.

I have no idea why, but I keep watching this review I think this means it’s my favorite

And here I thought they couldn't get any worse... They're ruining all the childhoods in the world! Also, I've always been curious: where is that "WHY?" thing from?

Guess they're the Uranus and Neptune type of cousins.

God, Cam Clarke's putting his all into such a shit script. Seriously, it's so melodramatic.

Jesse is written as if he’s seven and yet is inexplicibly drawn and voiced to be ten years older

Bless you phelan. I'd been craving an animated film review like nothing else. Happy holidays you beautiful animal

They really overused the color yellow in this movie. The animation department must have had a fixation with yellow. Fitting, as it's the color of piss.

Phelous, you gorgeous fool! There was no continuity error in this film! The rapidly switching shots in this Goodtimes movie were clearly an homage to Lars von Trier's arthouse masterpiece The Five Obstructions, in which a film is reshot to show no shot lasting longer than twelve frames! Clearly you know nothing of the Dogme 95 Manifesto, or even European new wave avant garde cinema on the whole! Also the Ghost Dad "Zub-zub-zoobity" totally made me lol.

I wanna hear a conversation between The old man impersonation, and the disappointed father impersonation.

9:57 Jessie is layered on top of his cousin.

You should do Goodtimes Nutcracker.

The "baldy" comment either means that He-Dude's original design in the script had him literally being bald or it's a comment on the fact that he's totally hairless from the neck-down. But I could be overthinking a weird bit of dialogue.