For all of you concerned about my eyes being red, it was because I had been wearing contacts all day and I had to switch them out, and that whole process of switching them made my eyes red. I was not high. Drugs are a sin. I've never ever done any weed before and there's actually no evidence you could find online that I have done weed. Sorry!

8:50 "Sometimes a no means maybe" is the most predatory thing I've heard all day. Chris for sure ain't right in the head.

"Thou shalt not kickflip" Was my least favorite rule growing up in Catholic school

The mentality of not doing bad things because they are wrong, but not doing bad things because god will punish you is always what pisses me off the most

The ghosts interaction with Joshua is like actually dangerous to show to children it normalizes the most suspicious and dangerous things you should be telling kids to avoid

That lion dad is lucky he's in a Christian film, 'cause I'm pretty sure aggression displays like "baring your teeth at a lioness" just earn you a violent ass-kicking in real lion culture

Ah yes, Chris. The most important character in the Old Testament.

my 17 year old brother just walked in my room, looked at the screen and said "this guy looks like when shrek turned into a human"

As a Christian I am ashamed I didn’t grow up with this masterpiece.

i liked the part in the movie where joshua said "where's the land i was promised" and then he got really angry and set fire to an orphanage

“They killed a baby” Joshua says calmly, showing no emotion.

I love how this is trying to be a moral lesson for kids, when the moral of the story is "if you arent perfect, you are just as bad as baby murderers, and will be killed."

Chris is 100% not allowed within 1000 feet of a school

on schlatt's jenga stream the other day i literally heard ted mention that "moses slaughtered people for worshiping a golden calf" and i was so confused bc it was so out of pocket BUT IT MAKES SENSE NOW LMAOO HE STILL HAD THE MOVIE ON HIS MIND

You’ve made it Ted…my grandma now loves your content.

Throughout the movie, Chris gave such creep and manipulator vibes I was constantly questioning his true intentions.

2:42 - They may not even be talking about their whole house when they say "den". A lot of people refer to the family room or living room as a den instead. So, instead of a single, small, insignificant change, they may have just made no changes whatsoever.

I just realized that every character in the film was one of Joshua’s toys on the shelf that Chris the Static Angel decided to peek at.

I choked on my breakfast at "This ghost is a registered sex offender!" and very nearly saw God. At least the movie is effective?

as an ex-christian this was several layers of batshit insane to watch and ngl kinda cathartic. it feels like being half asleep and dissociating with a friend as you talk about your childhood lol

23:45 it’s the same situation the kids in Narnia went through. They lived their lives and then had to go back to being kids again,,,

I'm 90% sure that the reason this looks so bad is that they spent all of their budget on the destruction physics in the last scene.

‘Also, who is this tiger character? He is absolutely fucking goated, hes like the John Wick of the bible’ that will FOREVER be one of my favorite Ted quotes

Can I just say, the demon people were just born like that? And we’re literally just doing their own thing, and then their land just gets taken? this reminds me of something but I can’t quite put my finger on it

11:23 really just hit the griddy whilst with Moses.

Saberspark got his community together to reanimate Joshua and the Promised Land, I highly reccomend watching it! Lots of biblically accurate angels 😌

I feel at 27:14 the reason they apologized so quickly was they felt the aura of a 44 year old with years of combat experience who killed the literal devil in the body of their 7 year old son. I would too

As a Christian, I can confirm that this scares the living snot out of me.

I feel so sorry for all the Sunday school kids that were involuntarily subjected to this

The fact that this movie is legitimately just a one-man project made in a guy’s basement and most likely voiced by people he knows is the part that gets me.

“This ghost is a registered sex offender. Everything this guy has said other than a lesson about God has been sus.” Ah, so he’s a _priest._ Gotcha.

14:14 this needs to be recreated with good animation cause oh my god that sounds like the most badass entrance to battle ever

25:25 and while this is happening there's like the most happy, kirby track sounding song playing as if thousands of people aren't dying in seconds

I think the worst part about this movie is the ending. It's literally teaching children "If you learn about God, your parents will stop arguing and being abusive" What the actual fuck man

“A sizable portfolio of trauma,” is a great description for the entirety of the Bible

This is probably my most replayed video ever. I don't know why but whenever I feel bad youtube just recommends it again and I can't help watching it. I've been struggling with a bunch of mental health problems recently and I just wanted to say thank you for cheering me up ❤

This movie was dragged from the deep dark depths of hell to teach us a *biblically accurate* story about a lion with emotionally abusive parents

Kinda crazy how right he is when he said: "They died for laws they didnt even knew"

Joshua says “They killed a baby” too calmly. There’s some tenderness in his voice, but watching a town murder a baby is quite different from war. I wish they had him read the line very choked up. Barely able to get the words out

Adapting Exodus for a child's movie is insane. Literally a story about escaped slaves committing a genocide to establish a theocratic ethnostate.

As a secular Jewish person, who knows very little about the Bible (all my knowledge comes from school classes), this is probably the most inaccurate representation of the Moses story that I have ever seen

"We're gonna go on a little trip" is the last thing Ted said to me before he broke my dad's arm and dropped me off in the Yukon

This movie looks like it's going to take a really disturbing turn at any moment

This honestly looks like it was made in the backrooms. Imagine how scary it would be watching this in a dark room without the music.

I'm so glad the only Christian content I was subjected to as a child was veggie tales and the prince of Egypt and not whatever I just witnessed

The lion-parent argument unlocked my memories of that facade game. “tinkering with that car again, trip?” “its my day off, grace!”

I'll give him some credit because as a person who has studied animation, animating a movie all by yourself ain't easy. 3-D animation is even harder due to the UV mapping and texturing. If he had multiple people animating this, I would have judged him.

15:45 I mean if I saw God I would probably would be making the same face.

You know, one of the best things about Ted is that even at 1.17 MILLION subscribers, he STILL goes through and likes people's different comments. That's just so cool of him, what a super guy. Ted, you're a real super guy.

I like how Joshua just hit the griddy when chasing a quail like hold up bro im getting sturdy

As a child, I would get put in the kids’ daycare/Sunday-school room. The PUPPETS used for EVERYTHING were TERRIFYING. There was a long, tall blue one with that goofy, deep, clown voice that haunt children’s nightmares. I was petrified by that one to the point of sobbing and begging for my parents several times as the ushers were trying to find them in a massive church. The girl tried to reassure me that they were on the way, but I needed them to get me outta that room immediately. That happened each time, so my parents just brought me into the main church. (I cried there bc if you’re trying to sing praises loud enough to reach high heaven, it’s also loud enough to make young ears bleed. I had to stuff paper towel bits into my ears to dampen the sheer volume of an Episcopalian choir.) I grew up attending a mega church. The preaching style and judgy parts didn’t sit right with me, so I follow podcast sermons every now and then. I’m probably a Red Letter Christian now because I know they’re are metaphors and ancient cultures that are important context for the Bible. I’m bisexual, and I think that’s just fine based on monks’ interpretations.

This is what I think when people refer to things “acid to the eyes” like there’s something so uncanny and difficult to watch ab this…

Saberspark’s reanimated version of this movie is by far one of the greatest abominations I’ve ever seen in my life. There’s the perfect amount of people genuinely trying their best, people just shitposting, and furries. And the different interpretations of Chris really top it all off.

joshua was actually moses' right hand man so not only did chris put joshua in a random ass person, he put a CHILD in one of the most important roles in the journey

I never thought that the question "are humans canon?" would be one that I ever have to ask.

Joshua chasing the quails while hitting the griddy is now forever engrained in my brain

Best thing about your channel is that the random ass topics you cover make them really fun to show to new people

I remember watching this movie as a child i swear to God. I went to a really weird private school and they showed this movie to us. I vividly remember that after I had the worst nightmare I've ever had- after that night I couldn't sleep alone for a month I am dead serious

I want Ted to play a concerning yet comedic villain, it would work so well lol

18:39 Dear Saberspark viewer, here's what you're looking for

Ted Nivison does not want to show off his sins to the creators of this movie, or he would surely be persecuted.

This is the only movie I've ever seen where I think it would be LESS creepy if the animals were anatomically correct.

I liked the part where joshua said “it’s joshin’ time,” and joshed all over the bad guys

I cannot unsee moses' beard as a giant cleft chin

The happy flute music over the destruction of Jericho was truly a choice someone made. Idk if that choice was made by the actual filmmakers or Ted but either way what a choice

The idea of a character going through a 40 year long dream as a kid is actually a cool concept for a film.

I think what makes up the destruction scene is the cheery music that plays while absolute despair and madness is being displayed on the people

the va voicing the pink imp fairy thingy sounds so unimpressed but also why is his mic quality so much better

This movie missed the most important part of the parting of the red sea. I didn't see a beyblade parting it. How could they forget such an INTEGRAL part of the story!

26:23 the fact he says “I thought I was dreaming!” Truly shows how long he has been experiencing this nightmare for that he has even forgot it was a dream to begin with and the though it was one at some point was nothing more than a distant thought

20:02 it's something I find so amusing in almost all christian filmography about Moses (Prince of Egypt, this movie, the 12 commandments, etc) They can never accept or admit how much of a twisted psychopath Moses is They love to portray him as this poor soul who only wants what's good for his people. Like a jewish mlk. But that's not what the book says.

12:51 - Are they monkeys? I think they're monkeys

I love how the reason for the people being bad is that they broke laws they never knew about instead of.. y know… *brutally killing a child*

I love how Ted rightfully calls out how slavery is morally wrong, but ignores baby murder.

it took me five whole minutes to realize the reason i thought ted looked a little different was the fact that he wasnt wearing glasses

This is the video I come back to whenever I'm sad, it always makes me laugh.

Fun fact: It's been proven that this movie will give you nightmares. There have been reports of many strong, brave, adult people who watched this movie one day and could not sleep without a night light ever since. One man watched this movie, and he had died shortly after. He looked at his girlfriend and said "Oh my god it's real. The world from the Joshua movie is real. They're coming for me." before dying on his death bed

The parents were simply scared of the warrior and the monster Joshua had become. War changes a man and they could see it in his face

7:30... Are the Egyptians on computers? 😭

11:51 "Just one small problem: TO WHO BEN? FUCKING AQUAMAN??"

Just checked my Bible and I can confirm that Joshua did say “LETS GET THESE GUYS”

This felt like watching a VHS tape I found in the basement of an abandoned house, thanks Ted very cool

he's witawitwy hwhittin tha gwitty on them qwhails 11:25

I'm very late, but it was my understanding that Moses is a cucumber. This movie has some explaining to do. Side note: as an animator, I'm pretty sure the horses are green because they initially wanted them to stand out against a solid sheet layer for the background, but then just never changed it when they created the landscape. So initially, they were trying to make it easier to discern each frame of the walk cycle, and once grass was added, we now have camouflage horses. Nature is beautiful

I like how the first reaction to him being hated by his parents is to toss him into a dangerous part of a biblical tale

"let's go on a little trip" *proceeds to place him in biblical times for 40 years*

I can’t get over how when Joshua is chasing the quails it looks like he’s doing the gritty

I once sang a song about how joshua fought the battle of jerico and how the walls came tumbling down for a summer camp, and I don’t think this video was the best place to learn the story behind it

"Because children fear the unknown..and I have NO IDEA what that thing is." This made me laugh

the emotional trauma in ted's eyes is palpable

That’s literally happening now 26:12.

11:24 Bros doing the griddy on the birds 😂

As a Christian, this is one of the funniest interpretations of the Bible I’ve ever seen

Ted explained the Bible better than the movie did lol

9:11 I mean, chris the ghost is obviously a priest of some sort, why wouldn’t he be a sex offender?

I love that when the battle scene started Ted entirely stopped talking about how bad the movie is and just started talking about how cool he thought the battle scene was.

As a Christian, I can’t wait to see how awful this is. Edit: yeah that movie was horrible

ya know Ted, its been 9 months since you posted this. And too this day, I still watch this to try to wrap my mind around the absolute fever dream that this movie is...

4:36 I think maybe what was trying to be conveyed here is that all the toys look like the other characters in the movie, so maybe Chris was taking inspiration from the toys to make the characters something familiar to Joshua? Idk

“He’s like the John Wick of the Bible” - Ted Nivison, 2022