I don't remember who said this, but I heard some one call the Book of Mormon called "Biblical Fan Fiction". LOL So accurate!

the lil queer mormon inside is infinitely grateful for you - I left young and, as you put it, closed the door behind me. It was traumatic and I do not like to think about it often. But now my parents, whom I desperately tried to deconvert as a teen, and eventually accepted they'd never ever leave the faith, are now 15 years later, leaving - because of people like you. Thank you. Thank you for being brave sharing your story.

My dad told me that when he was on his mission he and his companion somehow got ahold of a Michael Jackson cd and his companion got a store to play it for them. He told me that he got teary eyed because of how homesick he was, how much he missed being able to listen to his own music, read his own books and talk to his friends. I felt so bad.

Oh boy I get it! It took me over 60 years to finally say “I am OUT” so proud of us!

I remember those sad Mormon guys with their many layers and funeral outfits, sweating miserably in the middle of July at 34Celcius, standing there in the town square for hours, so lonely... I live in an atheistic european country so there's zero chance anyone cares... I find it so strange they think their dress code makes them look respectable - it makes them look tortured and unhealthy, and like victims of something despicable..

Yaaassssss!!!! Congratulations, Alyssa! What a year for you! Your book should be here any day, and I can't wait. You're such an intelligent and unique voice in this growing and highly necessary exMo space. As the "church" hemorrhages members (the best and brightest), they need a safe place to land. I'm sure your book will be witty, informative, and fun. I love life outside of the c*lt for you. Your beautiful family and your freedom and your burgeoning career are more than enough. You don't need anyone to tell you what your own life should look like. ❤❤❤

There's a story on Reddit about a Mormon situation - a Mormon guy worked with a lady of Indigenous Native American heritage and became quite close to her and her family. Unfortunately, due to circumstances, her and her son were quite disconnected from their culture but she was actively trying to reconnect. When the son was staying over at his house with his family, he started teaching him about Mormon gospel and 'Lammonites' (whatever the hell that is) and she got super mad with him. This Mormon guy went on Reddit AITA thinking he did nothing wrong and basically got ripped to shreds. It was epic.

as a former Orthodox Jew, I relate to this SO VERY MUCH. and I'm so glad that you-- like me-- have a spouse that clearly fully supports and respects you and who can and will learn and grow with you ❤️❤️❤️

I thought that you were saying "Moronic Priesthood." I guess for handshakes to get into heaven, moronic kinda fits 🤣

As someone who came to the realization that I was queer while still in an evangelical church, I feel you. You are raised to be so deeply honest and to count it as a virtue, and then when you practice that virtue, you are punished.

Nice compilation! I spent 5-ish years reading reddit exmo (I witnessed the birth of the CES Letter - which got me hooked!), so it's GREAT to see a vocal "wicked apostate" in the wild on YT!! As a nevermo, the pretentious mis-use of ecclesiastic terms (priest, bishop) makes my skin crawl... and there's no damn excuse for those obscenely expensive, useless temples. But the true toll this wretched brainwashing takes on YOU (insiders) is unimaginable to me - a million thumbs up for your bravery and honesty. ❤

Okay but the Secret Garden and Prince of Egypt are still amazing 😭🥹 glad you at least got to watch those lol

I loved how your placed a copy of your book on the shelf in Desert Bookstore. Shit, you should have placed 50 copies of them all over the place.

Wow. As a Christian this is all very eye opening. Never knew they had testimonies of Joseph Smith. Our testimonies are about how we came to faith and salvation in Jesus Christ. Thanks for sharing your story.

2:25 😂 that must have been a hell of a relief society meeting. Reminds me of a time my mom sent me out of an activities committee planning meeting to get a "temple recommend" for going to one of those white hankie waving temple opening things. I went to the bishops office, we had a very honest conversation in which i told him i didn't think the church was true, and he told me i probably shouldn't go to the hankie waving thing, and i had to go back to the activities committee meeting and announce this to my mom in front of everyone.

That missionary music tiktok tho. I remember as a mormon missionary praying that a panic at the disco song would play, and one day a family we were having lunch with had a movie on and Ready to Go by panic at the disco played and I started crying. I literally thought it was a miracle from God. Also, my mission was over covid and my rules for music changed when I came to the US. The rule was that you could only listen to songs that you would hear in sacrament meeting, and even tho the EFY music was cringy and bad, I missed it so much.

It's interesting how long leaving can take. So often I hear people say "she left the church in 19XY/20XY", as if that's a single defining year. No mention that for years someone went unfulfilled in the church, or that someone raised in the church has to spend years after dealing with that legacy.

No longer an active member. But when I was active my first and only calling was working in the library. I frequently had to bend from the waist to retrieve printed material for church members. I never had so many men look down the front of my dress.

I just finished reading your book. Now, my husband is starting to read it too. Thanks ❤

I came out in Fast-n-Testimony at a BYU ward back in around 1992 or so. Shocked the world, and it scared the crap out of me, but I did it.

Literally obsessed with these videos. I grew up atheist but with some VERY Mormon friends, and definitely grew up watching a lot of studio c and lindsay sterling. I cannot wait to read your book and learn even more

My favorite fun fact is that the song about Kolob stole its tune from an old folk song “the world turned upside down” which is about how the world has gone crazy and people are doing stupid things. Fitting in some ways lol

Very well said. You have far more compassion and empathy than The Church Corporation leaders.

13:12 what about amputees? What if they can't do the handshakes?

It has been over 20 years since I left the church and even more since I attended the temple. I had completed forgotten about those handshakes! How ridiculous!!! What was I thinking? Mmmmm - that kool-aid was good (LOL). Also, blowing out your birthday candles was my favorite!

Clair de lune has made me cry too! I get it!!

What's so insane about these videos and her experience in the Mormon church, I can literally go verbatim with the fairly strict evangelical fundamental strongly conservative background I come from. I can somehow literally relate on so many levels because I experienced a lot of this myself down to having my computer monitored and not having an iPod as it would lead to sexual perversion. This is insane the similarities.

I grew up Mormon, my parents left when I was about six after my dad came out as gay. My parents left together, my mom left because she wanted out and to support my dad. My brothers and I joined the church again at eight. By fourteen I decided to leave after hearing so many misogynistic comments and anti-gay things, this was when I realized I was gay. I was so scared and anxious that someone in my ward would find out and hurt me. My mother has recently entered the church again and I hope she doesn’t change and realizes that she was right leaving before. This religion is a cult and it’s disgusting what is allowed.

That second handshake is the Vucan mnd pinch which Vulcans use for defence against a sudden unexpected physical attack.

Your story is so inspiring, congratulations on your journey! I hope your work can help others find the same happiness you have

I’m sorry that you went through all of this but you go girl! Be so proud of yourself. I’m so glad you got out of that cult! You’re such a beautiful, beautiful soul.❤

I can’t believe you had that experience at a doctor’s office. That is so unprofessional. Can you share why you decided to move out of Utah? Was it too uncomfortable to be ex-mormon/not mormon there? Just curious.

You're an angel. Your heart is so filled with love that there simply isn't room for cult beliefs,✌️❤️

I’d love to hear you speak about something! FYI I haven’t been to church in a couple years, on and off with getting temple recommend the last time before I stopped again. But I’m wondering what you think of what’s taught about anti-mo’s in the church? I went to Hill Cumorah as a child, and outside there were people protesting the Mormon church, with megaphones and posters yelling at us. I was terrified how much people hated us, and was always told in church it was because people didn’t give the Book of Mormon a chance and because other churches would talk bad about it during their sermons. And it was an absolute no-no to view or listen to any anti-mo literature. I was told it was bc it was all lies, now I’m thinking it was to keep members from questioning or leaving.

I grew up Catholic. I don't know how common it is for a Mormon to refuse the sacrament (don't know what you guys were calling a "sacrament" but for us the big sacrament during Mass is the Eucharist), but when a practicing Catholic goes to Mass and refuses the Eucharist, it's a pretty big social signal to everyone else that something is up and you are probably questioning your faith. It's a huge decision for a Catholic to refuse the sacrament, and it isn't easy because of the social expectation. Don't know if that is similar to Mormon church/sacrament, but either way, I'm proud of you, human, for thinking critically and leaving all that BS behind. ❤❤

Those "SPACERS" of which you refer are called : DILATORS

You're really gorgeous and so smart! I'd be proud when my daughters grow to be adults with such awareness! Ps I'm a proud mama of three teen girls and so when I see thriving women I envision my own daughters living their lives like that

I’m not Mormon, and I suppose I COULD warn you about being irreverent, but I was that teacher, too. As a Human, I have to applaud your intellect, your natural sense of wonder, and your willingness to speak up. The intestinal fortitude that it takes to step “out of bounds” and speak against an institution such as a church is impressive. I would never even suggest that you stop, because I know that you must find your own way, and find your truth. So, keep thinking, keep growing, keep seeking. Could I count myself a true TEACHER if I didn’t encourage you think for yourself? I learn so much from your journey, and I look forward to your next video. 🍀🌻

Katherine Hiegle. Of course she is! Explains her self-righteous and holier than thou attitude. The high school I went to had 20 or so Mormon kids. I was not impressed. They were the most hypocritical students at the school. And they treated everyone else like trash.

You are so brave and you are having a great impact that can’t be calculated. Amazing work.

My first time in the temple I realized: This is wrong!! This is something so totally bad!! If I had been able to run out of there and escape right then I would have done so.

Girl your story about Clair de lune made me cry 😢

I haven't officially left. But I felt relieved , light and free when I threw away my compilation Book of Mormon, D & C, and Pearl of Great something.

I had a very close work friend who was Mormon and we got along fine, but her husband got furious with me because I got an IUD and I was supposed to have babies as many as possible. Never mind I never told him I got an IUD, I told his wife.

You mention Mormons in Utah are into the "hustle culture". Does this include the 'Troubled Teenager Industry' (which seems like a 'hustle' to me)? If so, what is it about Mormonism that ties in with that?

5:00 it's next to impossible to understand how seemingly mundane acts like getting inked, drinking coffee or wearing a bikini etc required earth-shattering changes in someone's life

Welcome to freedom, honesty, truth, reality and happiness.

sooo glad my family left the church when I was 13

I wish I was there when you shared your testimony in RS. I would have been there for you! I was only in “the church” for about 6 years. Looking back I can see how I as a convert was treated. Not so nice, but I had nothing to compare it with.

not me getting a mormon ad before this

In my neighborhood in California we have free little libraries. They are like mailboxes for books. You're supposed to take a book and give a book. My brother and I went to check them out before and they were both full of the Book of Mormon and Mormon related stuff in Spanish. I didn't realize we had so many Mormons and/or missionaries in my area.

It is so impressive that you care so much about truth that you stood up and said what you did in the service.

Immediately after finding your shorts I got pro Mormon content on my page.

Well, as a person who left the religious fairh that I was born and raised into, in my case Roman Catholicism, i say that in America, it is imperative that we need to be highly critical of all religious faiths. You are doing great work by pointing out all of the craziness of Mormonism. Its more meseed up than I could have imagined.

Any extreme version of religion have potential to harm. Not just Mormon.

31:49 Can't forget Jon Heder (Napoleon Dynamite) and the late voice actor Christine Kavanaugh (the original Chuckie Finster and Dexter)

I'm thinking that Scientology borrowed from the BOM.

Good for you! God bless you and your family! Thank you for your courage!

Mormon board game of life and death is so funny. It really does look like a game of chutes and ladders

I had tears of laughter and utter sadness and a whisper of resentment.

Some religions a acting as a cult. They don’t let you have a freedom oh thinking, talking, analyzing. I admire you and your strength to wake up people prisoner of their believes.

As a Catholic, I can honestly affirm that the Catholic Church has “always” considered the claims of Joseph Smith and the Latter Day Saints to be categorically false. So sorry you had to find out the hard way. For more information, see “History of the Catholic Church” by James Hitchcock. 😊😊😊

I will NEVER forget "I WANT to be a Missionary" in Primary. I'm not LDS, but my Mam was born LDS, so I would attend in my younger years, and occasionally later on. ❤

You're amazing 💕💕💕

"brick 'em young"? I know it's a play on Brigham, but... It also has a weird other meaning

The Mormon boardgame of Life and Death has me just laughing. Especially as I remember trying to explain this to my friends and significant others back in the day.

15:26 I was told they are hidden away in the Salt Lake Temple! This is the first I've heard that they were lost. Huh. Strange how it changes as the need arises... 🤔

Music and movies: Maybe it has changed or works differently in the countries. In Hungary, at game night at friday, they can listen non-religious music (if it is not harsh and if it "helps them to thinkg religiously" or something like this), or sometimes in english class the group can watch disney movies. Not much, I know.

Yes , so many disgusting things done in the name of religion thinking it makes it ok.

That god like attitude towards Joseph Smith the church encourages. A very nice fully vested morman man cried when he told me how JS was dragged out of the jail and murdered. “That Godly man” he was so distraught. I am a history buff but was actively discouraged by church members to learn church history. And what about that lizard thing?

No music for 18-24 months... unimaginable for me. I've been a musician since a child and I can't even fathom this idea.

Dallon Weekes has some VERY not "mormon-acceptable" topics in his lyrics, so I don't know if he's still practicing. Seen his band IDKHOW live twice.

37:30 thats so ironic because I believe Don Bluth, the man behind that movie, was a full believing mormon. Also same situation with Wall-E! My dad didnt let me turn it on because global warming, and several times hes shut off movies or tv shows because there was a gay kiss or relationship

😊❤glad you're outta that and living your best life 🥰

Two hands at work are worth a thousand clasped in prayer

For the first video, for me, the switch flipped when I went to SLC for the first time for conference when I was 32 I think, maybe 33. It had started really building since 2008 when I was 27, after I'd been home from my mission for 3 years and prop 8 was happening in my home state California, I stopped going to church for weeks until after elections. But it was when I went to conference in 2013, except for one friend I wasn't really liking the people we went with, I had to sit by myself during Elder Oaks talk and I didn't agree with anything he said and thought it was petty and mean, and I looked around and everyone around me had smiling faces and laughing at his mean jokes, no one looked disturbed like how I felt. Went to the mall across the street from temple square for lunch and learned the church gave money for the mall to be built, where there are luxury stores where most Mormons I knew growing up would never be able to afford that stuff including myself, and it felt really weird. Funnily enough, I did a live session at the temple, and I actually wasn't weirded out by that, lol (I'm one of the weird ex-mos that never was completely weirded out by the temple and the ceremonies in it, but I had an inactive father that told me everything that went on inside with I was 8 or 9 so I knew what was going on before I went for my first time, lol). And then that evening we were listening to the Priesthood session by the reflection pool and we could hear what was going on with Ordain Women at the tabernacle and it really bugged me how they were being treated even though at the time I didn't agree with what they wanted. I just felt so alone and the people I was with didn't understand why I was upset. I called my cousins that lived in West Jordan and got on the train and stayed with them for the rest of the trip until I needed to meet up with the people I went with to go home. I was silent the whole ride home (12 hours I think) with headphones in my ears

Thank you for what you do

Smart girl. I just left Rock springs WY for an extended vacation after retirement and used to go to Salt Lake often. I can't tell you how many fights I've been in a scuffle or fight. I am Hispanic and a Roman Catholic. I saw just a handful of black people the entire year I was there in WY. Everyone carried a gun including me. Another thing, Mormon people do drink. I traveled all over Utah to small town saloons and have been introduced to sister wives plus heard the whole bullshit stories. I've been messed up on tequila shots many times with the righteous Mormons. Great trout fishing though in Utah and WY.

Even the abusive lady Ruby Franke- a lot of what made her so controlling was enforcing doctrine- masturbation a sexual sin equal to murder, the expectation of the total compliance of kids 24/7 and the pressure to have LOTS of kids!

Wait. Even some secular people popularly believe life on this planet came from aliens elsewhere. So that "Sunday song" was just ahead of its time once again!😂

I am so happy for you!

42:49 i was a strict jehovas witnesses and cut off all the music because they call it demonic! So I clearly know what you are talking about!

The museum segment got me a little perplexed because as a six-year-old, I used to know a Mormon family (in Italy), and I distinctly remember asking my mother, "So why doesn't [husband] marry other wives if he can?", and her replying, "Because he only loves [wife], dear, why would he want to marry other women?" So as naive as my question was, polygamy was clearly one of the first things I knew about Mormonism, and definitely the one that stuck the most / sounded the strangest to child me. I don't even remember _how_ I knew it, but I did. ...Come to think of it, that's probably why they're scrubbing it off so thoroughly.

Could you please tell more about the friend with led poisoning serving in Russia? I’m Russian and Mormon, I discover you channel and I’m shocked…

THE SPACERS? WHAT??????

I think it’s pretty strange that he got these amazing artifacts from a traveling salesman. I don’t understand how people can find these claims credible.

God DAMN this shit is wild.

Never EVER stop criticising the church…I turned my back on it for full tilt nihilism at age 18, no regrets! I do wish I had been more out spoken about the harmful, lasting impact it has, rather than praising them as a benevolent organisation because the church welfare system didn’t let my family starve, go homeless or unclothed. I was endeared to this organisation even in adulthood atheism, blissfully ignorant of the true damage done by the church on my neurospicy, LGBTQIA2S+ mind until I had the time to truly think about it. I have hated myself down to my very core because of this church for 32 of my 36 years and I’m still trying to undo the damage.

It does it to alot of kids everywhere in the mormon church. My best friend said he was gay and his parents sent him to a mental hospital and everytime he came back home they asked him if he still thought he was gay and he would say yes. They sent him back twice and the third time they were going to send him back he shot himself in the head. This is only one of the many stories I have about the kids i grew up with in the church. I myself have my own story

To the obgyn tok toward the end, those are dialators and yes its a real thing. They can actually be very helpful for pelvic floor training for women with tight and painful openings

The Mormon board game! I love it! Sounds like I’ll have a lot of my friends where I’ll be at! 😊

Yes! Thank you. LDS church destroyed my family and I am banned for life according to my sister in law from being around my neice or nephew because I am not LDS and said it is a cult.

Remember the story of the elephant who was chained at a stake for his entire life. When the chains were freed from him, he continued to live by the stake unaware he had freedom. I think at some point after you have left the prison, it's time to leave it all behind and stop talking about it. I think for you currently talking about your experience and leaving the church is cathartic and healing. I think you can also honour your past, living an LDS life is demanding, you did it and it's part of who you are now. I have had difficult times within my faith boundaries. I attended a "liberal" seminary, gave a sermon on the theology of ordaining a gay minister and was booted out. They thought I was gay and couldn't fathom a straight person had something positive to say about a gay man. This was in the early 70's. There is no perfection anywhere. I know you know this. I personally see LDS much like the Catholic church, patriarchal heavy. Some of the women at the seminary I attended were nuns who had left the Catholic church so they could become ministers, priesthood in the Catholic church is still non-existent.

“God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in him.” 1 John 4: 16b. Any founder of a “religion” that marries other men’s wives and underage girls yet claims to be a “prophet” does not (and never did) know God. It’s that simple. 😊😊😊

What’s crazy is that Mormon “Jesus” is nothing like the real one. He would have despised Mormonism and called the leaders hypocrites and vipers who had replaced God’s laws with man-made rituals.

Wonderful to find your videos. So now, today, what are your beliefs in a spiritual/religious sense?

not too much vine! but.. from time to time.... is OK. Salutations from Europe!

The wisdom of joseph smith came from his mental illness that got largely out of control!!

Congratulations!

My brother somehow got really into The Killers during his mission.... probably because as you mentioned, Brandon Flowers is mormon, so his music wasn't as forbidden I guess?? Honestly not sure.