Two clinicians saying he was dangerous after their first session… that’s a 🚩

After he tried strangling her, he apologized. Robert: "I'm so sorry, I thought you were a cat."

The cat incident alone would've had me running for the hills, never looking back!!!!

My yardstick: If a person doesn't like my cat...I know there's something wrong with them.

The second that the words “rules” or “obey” were introduced into the relationship, I’d be out. Hell no.

One person can't change anyone, even with love, you can't cure someone with love. A person changes only if they choose to and wants to.

Thank you for covering this case, Dr. Grande. This is an interesting if tragic case especially considering the waver of clinician-client privilege. Gail's sister Alayne has established a safe house for victims of domestic violence in the name of her sister called Gail's House and hopefully this will help women who are in situations like that of Gail.

I read once “people don’t change, they only become more of what they already are”. Women, especially think their partner will change despite all the red flags. Self deception can be deadly! Appreciate you Doc, thanks.

It takes a long time to get into anything in therapy in my experience. I can’t imagine what he must’ve been like for them to be able to tell he was dangerous from a single session. Also don’t know if it’s more naive or arrogant to think you can change someone like that. Countless people have already paid the price for that type of mentality.

You know you are dispensing free therapy with your videos, right? Excellent-thank you, Dr. Grande!

I choked up on my coffee with "moving on up." Keep it coming, Doc.

When Dr. Grande says a guy is "creepy", women everywhere should be worried! 😂😂

"My love will cure him" and "I have a PhD in psychology, I should know whether or not he's violent and dangerous, no matter what all these other psychologists tell me". PhD or not, her death proves her incompetence.

I’d love to hear more about the types of observations a clinician might make in order to so quickly determine that a client is dangerous. It’s difficult for me to imagine how little self awareness a person must have to be so transparent

This is such a sad case. There were so many red flags but Gail was probably trauma bonded to him, codependent and and perhaps repeating childhood patterns. Dr Grande, can you please comment on DV in general and how family and friends can intervene when the victim won't leave? And aren't psychologists mandated to report serious crimes, such as choking one's wife? Choking is a good predictor of murder in a DV relationship. Had the crime been reported, perhaps this could have been prevented.

Hardest working analyst on youtube. Thanks Dr. Grande!

Abusing the vulnerable like animals, children, elders, customer service employees, etc. should always be red flags for anyone. You can't change people; they have to do that for themselves. Also, psychopathy is rarely conducive with any healthy relationship. Lastly, the Dunning-Kruger Effect can kill you; never overestimate your abilities & intelligence. Especially when literally everyone is telling you to bail.

Dr. Stone was a hero, in my opinion. Although Gail didn't heed his warning, he tried. I work closely with physicians every day and have been there when decisions like this must be made. One of the many reasons physicians are, in a lot of cases, underestimated.

The relationship would be over if they even attemp to hurt my cat 😡

I wonder, what does one have to do, in order to get two clinicians to label you as dangerous (one clinician after one session)??

“ ... and once in a while love.” Dr. Grand’s sarcasm is beyond words 😁. Thanks doctor. Your life lessons are life changing 💙.

Sounds like as long as he was in total control, which he would be flying a plane or being the head surgeon in the operating room, he was stable. But, put in the mix of other people and he has no control over others at all. I wonder what his childhood was like.

Primitive is the perfect word to describe love bombing. I would also add that it is shallow, lazy, unintelligent, and insidious. I have been love bombed before and my goodness, what an awful experience. I feel so bad for this woman, she seemed intelligent and sensitive, yet she wasn’t able to escape this treacherous man. Really sad. Alright, now back to watching your podcast, I am almost done.😉 Thank you for the another brilliant analysis Dr. Grande.❤️

I remember I was working outside in an area where I guess there were a few men’s recovery houses, men who had just gotten out of prison, sex offenders, etc., and I didn’t know about the houses. There would have been no reason for me to know about that. But a guy came up to me and he said, listen, you need to leave. And then he told me about the houses. He continued and said, I can tell you don’t believe me and you don’t want to listen, but you need to listen to me. And I thought about it and then I packed up and left. I feel good about that warning and my response.

Dr. Grande can you answer this question, "Does a spouse EVER actually change for the better"? I've witnessed bad marriages time & again (2 bad ones I was in) with the wife thinking the husband would change. That never happened

As a DV survivor, I feel like I’m in a therapy appointment now. Thank you, Dr. Grande

Your warnings and overall advice with this case was so brilliant, Dr. Grande!! Very sadly, my sister is one of those who believe "I can fix him." The fact that 2 mental health therapist found him so alarming that they actually tried to prevent harm at a great risk to themselves- said so much about how their trained instincts knew he was a terrible danger! Your content is so incredible, and important!!

How can you stay with someone who tried to drown your cat??? He's clearly a psychopath!

As a nurse; Dr. Grande, I suspect the nurses in the OR experienced his anger. I have worked with many. Have a great weekend.! Thanks for the video!

If you struck my cat only once, never mind strangling it, I would be on the phone to the police, the cat & I would leave, nothing would get me into any room alone with you ever again. Absolutely common sense, never mind her 'almost' Psychology Degree'. TgT

Excellent video as always! Off topic but we dig the brushed indigo blue shirt & yesterday’s safety yellow. (Yes, we’re in the camp who tunes in to see the daily shirt too!) 🧐🤣

Man, when Dr. Stone, the creator of the Scale of Evil, is warning you your husband is dangerous, that puts several exclamation points on his statement!

Strangeling my cat?......Relationship?..... WTH! This person could be VEEERY happy to be able to even breath after touching my pets the wrong way. On a lighter note, DOC Grande is always able to give horrifying cases the right amount of irony and humor. Love this somewhat harsh humor, it is this kind of ironic fun i grew up with. My friends and my brother too often talked about how to tone it down because we sometimes happened to come across situations that were not suited for this kind of fun. After my teenage years i learned when this is/and in what form it is appropriet or not, lol!, But the Doc has a real talent for the right level of irony and for using it at the right moment. Keep them coming DOC!!

I think the red flag was the poor cat 😾. When your significant other tries to drown the cat and you go ahead and marry the psychopath anyway. He strangles her into unconsciousness? The psychiatrist goes on record saying her life is in danger. There must have been a serious trauma bond. Thank you for another great analysis Dr. Grande 🌵🌵🌵🌵

Is there any chance we might get Dr. Grande in a Halloween costume?? I can't be the only one who would enjoy this. 🎃😁

You should do the case of Dr Turcotte, who was a cardiologist surgon in Canada, he killed his two young kids to punish his ex wife( theirs mother) because he was jealous that she dates other mens AFTER their separation. And why they deem him unfit to prison and send him to a psychiatric hospital who he was relased after 3 years and now he lives completely free under an other name. Edit: English is not my language.

I just gotta say, I don’t know what the data says but working with surgeons in the OR.. most of them do not seem to regulate their emotions. They are often yelling at the staff and seem angry

Have a great weekend, Dr. Grande!

I would love to hear your analysis of the horrific case that was Joel Steinberg. I try to stay updated on most every case you present and I enjoy hearing your input. Thank you Dr. Grande.

1:35 - "...for example, Robert would fly into a rage from time to time..." Well...I mean c'mon doc...he's a pilot. He has to get enough flight hours to maintain his pilot's license. Flying into rages helps him meet those ends...

Moral of story, don't marry a man who tries to kill your cat and chokes you out!!! Second moral of story, do not assume just because you "almost" have a degree in psychology you should be diagnosing your own situation... not a good idea. Wow, they were so messed up it's almost like they were made for each other. Thanks for sharing.

Marvellous, interesting story and a great level of detail as always.

Movin on up to east side we finally got a piece of the pie

"After he strangled her, he apologized" . What a guy.

Can't believe I missed this when it first released. Glad I caught it in my recommendations. Self-deception is a hell of a drug. The only positive in this story is that Gail's murder didn't remain unpunished after all those years. Someone was still fighting to see justice done for her. Another tragic but educational case. Thanks for covering it.

Can you look at the mental health and personality factors of Henry viii please? Did he ever love Anne Boleyn? Could his head injury explain some of his behavior? How could he execute people who he claimed to love? Love your videos!

One of the dv experiences I remember is one time we were driving through the border into ca from Mexico and I gave money to the little kids begging outside the vehicle. He was mad at me for that and was driving erratically after we came through the border, and I smacked him, too, on the arm, and much later he said it hurt when I hit him. He never literally physically hit me. I did hit him that one time, as I remember. And during other incidents when he would harass me, verbally harassing, harassing, bothering me and get in my face and try to stop me from studying, and probably call me names, but I just remember harassment, harassment, harassment, in my face. I would call the police. And I was living with him in his place. And I didn’t really have anywhere else to go. So I had to figure it out. It was hard. I was young. He was much older. He knew I was vulnerable. Oh yes, and when I was leaving his place, trying to leave him, he would get on his knees and beg me to stay with a glass of Martinelli’s sparkling grape juice because I was already in aa and didn’t drink. As I got older with much more experience and CBT, I got better at everything along these lines. I guess he felt inadequate and powerless so he had to find somebody vulnerable to overpower and act out his insanity against. These men need help. I think their brains are disordered literally. It’s no joke. Anyway, now I’m self-declared single for life and loving it.

Dear Dr Grande, could you please analyze the personality traits in Tara Westover's life? She wrote the book 'Educated' about growing up in a survivalist Mormon family in Idaho....there's a lot of interesting stuff though INCLUDING her choice to wrote the book - which her family didn't approve of.

This case hits close to home as someone who was in an abusive relationship. We are always the last to know, everyone else notices first

If you didn't say "moving on up" after mentioning the Jeffersons, I would have been very disappointed.

These are tough. It's all very tragic and shouldn't have happened. I've known several women who, despite seeing evidence to the contrary, still hang on to hope that love can *fix* a broken partner. I've watched them return time and time again, as "nurturers," and "caregivers," never letting go. And not once has their story had a happy ending. While I *DO* believe people can evolve, grow and get rid of bad habits, a person's *character* doesn't change. Love will never make a bad man good.

Dr Grande thanks for keeping me company during my lunchtime and doing such amazing work. you’re phenomenal

Almost being a psychologist, is probably not as good as actually being one... And that's still not a guarantee! If psychologists were perfect mind readers they'd be gods. Thank you Dr.Grande for this deep dive into the equally messed up lives and minds of fairly intelligent and privileged people.

This is such a sad but frustrating story. Why did she stay? My sister’s first husband had a severe mental illness. He would wake her up at night ranting about the people saying bad things about him while holding a baseball bat. He would ask if she could hear the voices. They went to couples counseling and the therapist ended up telling my sister that he was a danger to either her or himself or both of them. My sister left him and filed for divorce. The week their divorce was to be final, he started acting out was was put into a psych ward - but they left him with his bathrobe belt and he used it to hang himself.

Good Morning Dr Grande. Great analysis. It seems to me, she ignored all the warning signs of his behavior. You're right a Doctor is legally unable to treat his relatives. Thank you Dr Grande .Great topic .

Wow. What a tragic, albeit incredibly intriguing case. Imagine being in a relationship so toxic that you feel the only potential remedy involves demanding your partner seek therapy, only to receive a letter from the therapist suggesting that your safety & well-being are contingent upon you ending the relationship you were hoping to fix. Yikes. I suppose the moral of the story is: if a therapist ever advises that you are in danger, it would be in your best interest to heed such advice (as opposed to relying on the fact that you "almost obtained a PhD in psychology"). Another superb presentation, Doc. Your concise breakdowns are always greatly appreciated. I think I'm speaking for everybody when I say we'll be looking forward to the next one!

If a person consistently shows you who they are, believe them. Random acts of violence inflicted by a stranger, is no less painful or deadly than from someone you know. Be safe out there 🙏 in crazyland 🥴

Well I guess, don't fall for the plane rides 'cause in the wrong hands, you might fall out of one (not trying to be funny). Thanks for your efforts to protect women from men like this, Dr. G. You're a good guy (and looking handsome too)! Have a great night, and I'll see ya tomorrow! 😉😘

Thank you for this insightful upload. Always appreciate your time and effort. I was hoping you may look into the case of Joel Steinberg and Hedda Nussbaum. I remember reading about this case after watching an episode of Law and Order. Heartbreaking what they did to little Lisa. How could someone be so evil?

Thanks doc for this. Learned about this case my first semester in social work school!

I really appreciate your calm rational approach to distressing cases.

1:42 oh fuck no, I've put up with shit but by God... once you touch the cat you get the bat. Even if that wasn't enough to end things, I'd still never let them near my cat again ever or loved ones. They would be the ol russian doll roulette partner.

I shudder to think of what he said to his therapists that made them believe he was extremely dangerous.

Always interesting. I'm so glad you understand people and why they do what they do. Peace 💕🇺🇲

What can we learn from this case? Never marry somone who tried to murder your cat...

Oh I remember Dr Stone did a great TV series about levels of evil and this was one of the episodes! I really enjpyed his presentation, much like Dr Grande's....minus the options to be campy 😉

It’s so sad that his wife didn’t leave (and hide). Seems she had some narcissistic tendencies thinking she could cure him. There isn’t really a cure is there?

Great analysis, particularly the traits common with every day surgeon. Perhaps this cases would interesting for you to look at. Anthony McGrath, an, orthopaedic surgeon staged a break-in at his home sent to prison 8 years 2019. The case against McGrath was featured on Channel 4's 24 Hours in Police Custody, in April 2019

Drowned the cat over jealousy? Sounds like a fun guy. Im sure he’s sorely missed. Prick. Great video doc

Him trying to harm ANY animal would be a deal breaker for me!..I can't comprehend how she accepted that😢

Thank you for an interesting and meaningful analysis. I appreciate it.

My mom used to work as a housekeeper for a heart surgeon and she’d say that if a patient of his died in or right after surgery, he’d break up emotionally and not leave his office for days.

Good afternoon, Dr. Grande. Hope you're having a lovely day! Thank You!

1:57 Woof, that wedding photo. His face is a glare of psychotic triumph; hers one of terrified resignation.

It was interesting that Grande said a person can’t diagnose themselves. I agree. It’s too bad about Gail being under the spell or desire to maintain/fix the relationship. It must have been hard to put so much into a relationship, commitment, resources, time, emotions, experiences, and then walk away. It lead to her death. I’ve been in a few dv (domestic violence) situations, verbal abuse and destructive, unsupportive mental manipulation not physical, and what I learned to do is weigh the positive and the negative and when the person did one such dv negative I determined that it outweighed ANY number of positives that the person had done. And I would walk out. This was when I was younger. And I came from a dv childhood. It was confusing because my brothers were the perpetrators against my single mother and it was verbal abuse not physical abuse. Well, they smashed up her house all the time. I guess watching my mom be verbally abused set me up to protect myself. And I didn’t know how at first, but I learned over time. And some years back I determined that I can’t be in an intimate relationship because the puzzle piece that fits, the one that was put there by childhood conditioning, means there will be chaos. So I determined I’m single for life and loving it. For example, there was this really attractive man. he was beautiful, he had gone to MIT in Massachusetts, he had a company, very nice. as it continued, he said his ex was a martial arts specialist who had punched him out, trying to get him to give her his passwords, and then he had had to call the police on her, and that his brother was an alcoholic who couldn’t hold a job, but was an executive when he did hold a job, I gave him the pamphlets for alanon. And I left.

Dr Grande please can you make a video on Undercontrolled/Overcontrolled borderlines? And maybe on DBT vs RODBT for borderlines? Thank you x

I very much enjoyed your commentary regarding this case. I remember watching a show about this couple and remember distinctly the letter Dr. Stone wrote. I got goosebumps reading it. He basically called the doctor a homicidal maniac. I was working in Berkeley during the time of the Tarasoff case; Cal lost, and it was a good thing. It never ceases to amaze me how intelligent women are so naive about human behavior and give their partners the benefit of the doubt. Thanks for a very good case analysis.

If somebody tried to drown my cat, I wouldn't need a therapist's letter to warn me. That's just about the biggest of all possible red flags. (1) Report the bastard to the cops tonight. (2) First thing tomorrow, go to the courthouse for a restraining order. (3) Take further (lawful) steps as seems right.

Appreciate the casual shirt. Thank you so much for the video 🌼🌳🌲🌵🌿

Hi dr grande Las Vegas Craig here I’ve been subscribed to your KZfaq channel for over a year and I have shared many of your videos however for the last month the KZfaq algorithms I have not alerted me to your videos even with the bell selected on all Anyway this video you made is outstanding for content and your expertise. I really learn from your analysis You have the best Channel for mental health issues on KZfaq bravo 👏🏻 Thank you so so much For sharing your expertise in your experiences I look forward to watching more of your videos 😊😇✌️👍☝️ ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5 star 💫

How narcissistic can a person be to think that they could change someone?

I was in a relationship with a man like him. It was horribly abusive. Final straw was him running after me with a knife because I did something like ask him to please clean up. He was spoiled as a kid and never held accountable. That may be the case with Robert as well.

Being strangled the first time would be a major red flag maybe? Love you in RAF blue Dr G! 🇬🇧

This is one of several cases which Dr. Grande has commented upon that make me question the whole OCEAN model. I assume there are multiple subcategories to each category in the model but still I'm skeptical. Calmness and quickness to anger are easily observable in life but should they really be grouped into one category "Neuroticism"?

I had a client once and after the first session I felt that this client would either suicide or file a complaint against me. I just had that feeling after spending the hour with him. It's very interesting when a clinician can get such a strong impression so quickly, such as the two therapists in Robert's case. In regards to my own case, the client did email me a suicide note at one point, but never made an attempt.

Intrigued and interested in this analysis. Wondering what you might have cooked up for us at 900K!

This explains many things to continue understanding. I'm very grateful for your insight. Happy 2022!

Harm to animals, red flag for psychopathy. Someone who ‘nearly has a Phd in psychology’ should know that.

I wish there were better systems in place to get people out if abusive situations. Trauma bonds are stronger than love and some say it is more addictive than heroin. It takes more than just saying "leave him." These people have almost a cult member devotion to their abuser. It is sad and can happen to anyone.

Is low self esteem be a symptom of mental illness? How would one help an adult person who willingly puts themselves in danger due to low self esteem?

Astute observations and commentary succinctly stated, as always with deadpan humor.

I think it would be fascinating if you covered the Tarasoff case. A lot of people, I would even wager *most people* don’t know why the duty to warn exists. It would be s good educational piece. Tatiana Tarasoff deserved better from the people around her, and the least we can do is continue to share her story and warn those who are in danger.

If anyone ever tried to harm one of my cats (or other pets) that would be the end of any contact with this person

For someone to change they have to want to change. They want to make effort and work on the themselves. Great video Dr Grande!!

So crazy that I listened to the 20/20 podcast about this case this morning!

Dr. Grande thanks for doing this case analysis which helped to point out that a person having advanced education in any helping profession is no guarantee that they are going to be a decent person or that they will be more resistant to being taken advantage of by a malignant narcissist with a terrible set of values. A reminder on how important it is for people to have a circle of close friends to give a person feedback on whom they are dating and how important it is for people to take their time when getting to know someone well enough to marry. Best to wait until marriage so that insobriety doesn't take over how we are perceiving any dating situation too.

Hi Dr. Grande. Happy Halloween!

thank you, very valuable remarks

Well thought out and presented analysis Dr. Grande!

Amazing video! Thank you.