My Diaries | Learning to be less dependent on my s/o, social anxiety, waking up at 5am *fail*

My Diaries | Learning to be less dependent on my s/o, social anxiety, waking up at 5am fail

Рет қаралды 1,048,873

Күн бұрын

It's been a hot minute since I posted a vlog. Missed chit chatting with you guys :') Been having some ups and downs and wanted to document it on the channel. Let me know your thoughts!
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Hi there! My name is Michelle and I'm based in NYC. On my channel you'll see videos about Korean beauty, skincare routines, vlogs, get ready with me, Q&A's, and etc. Thanks for stopping by and I hope you enjoy!
Email: michellexchoi@gmail.com

Пікірлер: 678

@smallpotato2345 4 жыл бұрын

4:12 Michelle: eats while watching movie Me: eats while watching Michelle

@rejinalimbu7202 4 жыл бұрын

Same here✌😊

@heidiveerle 4 жыл бұрын

Me: eats while reading your comment 😁

@emiliadzienis453 4 жыл бұрын

Same here 😆

@okfitasarihana2021 4 жыл бұрын

This is what I'm currently doing

@MultiNamkhing 4 жыл бұрын

Yes same here!

@amyjunglee 4 жыл бұрын

One piece of advice someone gave me when I was moving around and doing “different” and “new” things in my 20s-there’s no one way to feel or go about it...just be safe, stay true to you and surround yourself with good/trusted people-and keep vlogging! ;)

@yr4real784 4 жыл бұрын

Chang ？

@salmarahmatia19 4 жыл бұрын

@Chang ??

@bokuwatoki5983 4 жыл бұрын

I have been feeling the same for about 3 years: less motivation, no friends in college, eating disorder and self infliction. I'm happy that I'm in college studying and experiencing the major I chose which is what I'm grateful for but then there's this empty space inside of me that wishes that I can share how I have feel to other people- ups and downs. . you know? I'm an introvert and I have anxieties too when I meet new people and it's not long lasting which hurts me. I'm loud with my close friends and family members but I feel hollow in school and in general - especially since I'm graduating this spring.... so graduating with no friends yeah it sucks but i came a long way. I feel lonely in college because I dont have any friends but I believe that the right people will gravitate in our lives. So just live life, make the best out of everyday w/o having to having force ourselves to make friends and go out and etcetera. "Health is wealth" we need to understand ourselves more. I always talk to myself and it's very therapeutic to me. Yet, it's only me and the four walls in my room 😔

@boopboop9356 4 жыл бұрын

Girl I wish I went to the same school as you so we could be friends!! U seem so sweet. Have u tried joining clubs and working on campus?? It's honestly hard for me to make new friends too, i only have two friends rn but I feel like we just aren't compatible and they are lowkey toxic/shady .. but making new friends is so hard so I still remain their friend to not be lonely. Social stuff is so hard sometimes

@melissaa4918 4 жыл бұрын

Lets be friends online! :) i do hv some friends in real life but they dont understand me :(

@rinibabeforYT 4 жыл бұрын

same here

@valeriabethany6396 4 жыл бұрын

Omg , we have the exact situation girl, (don't mind my English) I thought I'm the one ; ( so sad that happened to us

@bokuwatoki5983 4 жыл бұрын

@@melissaa4918 that'd be nice! ^^

@BananaPiss 4 жыл бұрын

There’s just something so elegant about Michelle features 😍

@actuallyXanh 4 жыл бұрын

shes so beautiful!

@DX-d 3 жыл бұрын

She’s stunning.

@lilima996 4 жыл бұрын

Can totally relate to what you're feeling, i've just moved to a new city and i know nobody here except my s/o. I'm also an introvert, and i'm trying to have new experiences but the anxiety is real haha. You're not alone in what you're feeling and thank you for sharing !! Let's keep trying

@davielong3551 4 жыл бұрын

Me too! Same situation like yours! Have you tried making friends yet? I have no luck!😢

@nehaj4702 4 жыл бұрын

I kind of challenge myself to go out and interact with other students in class but then get tired of it after some time. 😅

@lilima996 4 жыл бұрын

I try to attend events in my university like conferences, workshops... All of my classes are at night because i'm in the school of continuing studies, and it's so much harder to make friends in class because most people are working, have families and so they really come to class only focused on the course material. I do my best to strike conversations as much as i can but sometimes you can tell that people are just not that interested, so all of my anxiety and insecurities come rushing back. What works best for me is constantly reminding myself that my anxiety magnifies the reality, and that even if someone is not interested in me, it's not the end of the world, my purpose in life is not to be friends with everyone, it's more about finding the right ones. That takes time for sure so i keep trying over and over again. I have times when i completely shut down but i keep forcing myself out of it. The good thing is as introverts we're comfortable with being alone, it gets lonely sometimes for sure, but usually i'm at ease with creating a happy environment for myself while watching movies, reading, writing, taking walks, observing people and the world around me when i'm on the bus. I really focus on all the little things that make me smile and feel peaceful.

@nehaj4702 4 жыл бұрын

Samee, I have joined 2 clubs this year, and I was able to make 2 more friends. And about people not being interested sometimes is true, but I tell myself to just do my part to make a conversation and if they are not interested, then just move on find someone else.😁 Also, hey it's better to have 2 genuine friends than too many fake friends right?

@Melmam100 4 жыл бұрын

Halima Asrawi story of my life :(

@loyda2031 4 жыл бұрын

girl, I feel you. I am on the same boat! feeling not necessarily sad or like depressed but more helpless and just small because I am always alone, or reliant on my family and my siblings for friendship, advice all of the above so creating friendships and new relationships outside makes me anxious because I've always stayed within what I was born with (family) . As I am getting older and thinking about my life beyond my family in terms of being independent and moving out, I am nervous and scared because I have always had them around. Being an introvert and a homebody, I am afraid that not fixing this thing of me always staying within my comfort zone, will negatively affect me and my mental health as an adult in the future in the real world. Wishing you luck and anyone else who feels the same way 😊

@tanya7358 4 жыл бұрын

When ashley aka bestdressed first said that she’ll be moving to new york, I honestly instantly thought how nice it’d be if you two would meet and become friends eventually. I feel like you both have similar attitude when it comes to being chill and introverted.

@leiasing76 4 жыл бұрын

Tanya C Omg yes! I also watched Ashley but I hadn’t even thought of that

@taehyungaye5556 4 жыл бұрын

Omg same that was my first thought💖💖

@synchia 4 жыл бұрын

My first thought when Ashley moved to New York

@tanya7358 4 жыл бұрын

I knew I wasn’t the only one!!! Not to put too much pressure on our precious ones huhu, but I hope they’ll have a chance to hangout someday 🥺

@abby-sj9ks 4 жыл бұрын

Omg same here haha

@victorialing3111 4 жыл бұрын

Love how more open you’ve become! You seem so much more comfortable on camera and showing your personality 🥺🥺❤️❤️

@esther1765 4 жыл бұрын

My favorite part was the end when she's being herself on facetime with her parents. Yes, she's herself in the entire vlog, but I mean as a child chatting it up with her parents hours away from home. It just hits different, you know?

@actuallyXanh 4 жыл бұрын

love how real she is

@defnecelikoyar 4 жыл бұрын

I'm definitely taking a little hit from seasonal depression and that last bit meant a lot to me. I hope you know you're not alone, and you're doing a great job at life!! 💗 💗 Looking forward to the ASMR content ;)

@tapealife 4 жыл бұрын

11:23 is sooo relatable. last couple of months i feel just like this. it kinda helps to watch Meesh dealing with that as well. even if you feel like that you still able to manage your life and feel happiness. thank you!

@stllfrhh 4 жыл бұрын

i absolutely hate when people tell you "oh, but you can be an introvert if ..." in fact, yes brenda, i can. being introvert it's not something unchanging, it depends on the person and on his/her/their personal experiences, and i realize that a lot of people don't understand that and tend to believe that if others aren't perfectly introvert like them, they aren't introvert. i'm tired of hearing people telling shit as if they know everything ... anyway, i really enjoy your vlog as always !

@actuallyXanh 4 жыл бұрын

thank you! i needed this.

@tinafengart 4 жыл бұрын

Hi Michelle, I’ve been really struggling the past couple weeks and constantly feeling sad without knowing what to do. So hearing about your experience with sadness and the negative aspects of introversion makes me feel like I’m not alone. ♥️ thank you for sharing your life with us! We can get through these hard times together ☺️

@Hyerivlog 4 жыл бұрын

Love it when you share your inner thoughts✨ hope you can start getting back into a routine that you enjoy💓

@deobinnie 4 жыл бұрын

I love how I see michelle wearing the manila shirt in most of her living diaries like ahhhhh 😍😍😍

@ahripark2593 4 жыл бұрын

I completely understand I went through the same thing 3 years ago...I moved to a different state to be with my s/o and I knew no one but him. I got depressed after a year and I felt very anxious. I finally put myself out there and after 3 years I have some friends and it feels great! I also am more independent now; I can go places by myself. I wish you the best Michelle!

@sorenaang7785 4 жыл бұрын

I’ve been waiting for your vlogs!!! 🥺💗 Michelle has the best vlogs ever I swear

@actuallyXanh 4 жыл бұрын

She really does!

@jannicejc 4 жыл бұрын

have been watching literally all of your videos since day 1 and never missed one. illlllly hope you had a great days ahead michelle

@ikrobiee 4 жыл бұрын

The seasonal blues are so real. When I feel stuck in my life, I do things that bring me joy. Such as spending time with my family, going for dinner with my s/o, new workout routines and time with friends. It’s also okay to spend time alone, doing a hobby you enjoy.

@JellyK 3 жыл бұрын

I have literally been binge watching your vlogs for the past week and I'm so in love with them!

@huyenanhnguyen4436 4 жыл бұрын

We're all dealing w problems everyday. Hope you'll always have strength to go through everything. Love you Michelle ♥️

@inanna24 4 жыл бұрын

Love your vlogs

@styxeno4733 4 жыл бұрын

i love you michelle and your videos always make me so happy and give me lots of hope for the future.. i hope you feel better, i know everyone gets sad but i really hope everything’s ok and you’re happy and healthy!!!

@jesuisjordie5047 4 жыл бұрын

Your energy is so calm and positive, I love it.

@krplum22 4 жыл бұрын

I can relate, I’m feeling sad and lost all the time, it’s like I’m living the wrong life or something, and it’s like I’m doing things, but in the end I don’t know why I have to do it.. I hope you feel better, and nyc is the best city I have ever seen, so just walk around it can help a lot with motivation 💜

@doveguti1111 4 жыл бұрын

I just moved to France and is been sooo hard getting used to everything, living alone, the language and making new friends the anxiety is real, I'm and introvert but also a positive person and I do believe that everything gets better in the end and this too shall pass for everyone going through the same experience, hang in there 💕 don't close yourselves but don't make yourselves do things your not comfortable with find the balance and life will get better💕

@kdms.3377 2 жыл бұрын

Comment tu vas maintenant ? 😇 Toujours en France ?

@fatedtraveler1425 4 жыл бұрын

We love you michelle! Wish you the best! Take care of yourself! 🥰 everything will be alright!

@cjwsk12 4 жыл бұрын

I've been feeling the same way. Feeling sad these days, less motivation, but it's weird cause I still love life, I just wish I had more energy for it. Hope it gets better for the both of us

@laurenhuffman6449 4 жыл бұрын

I seriously love you. Loved the video. Youll get through this hump your going through ❤️❤️ one step at a time

@alurie16 4 жыл бұрын

Dont worry Michelle youll get through it! Ive been feeling the exact same slump youve been in. It's also this time of year is rlly depressing. Take care of yourself ❤️❤️❤️

@samantha7966 4 жыл бұрын

The fact that you're able to open about your vulnerabilities and come off as so REAL is one of the main reasons your videos are so appealing! Definitely my favorite KZfaqr. You're such an admirably independent and empowering female, but also so relatable as any other normal girl in their 20s~

@elliskoufatoglou2637 4 жыл бұрын

I am exactly like you Meesh. It's been half a year since i ve been back at my hometown and i just work 6 times a week and go to sleep. I feel safe and cozy in my home, but also feel like the days go by and im missing out on a lot of things...on the other hand super happy when u upload ♡♡♡

@ainhannysha2644 4 жыл бұрын

Just coming home from school and her post is the best reward i get 💙💙

@actuallyXanh 4 жыл бұрын

i know right?! it just brightens up my day

@sabrinasoraya1546 4 жыл бұрын

YAY WE'VE MISSED YOUR VLOGS!!! also I've been watching Itaewon Class too :)

@leahakayy 4 жыл бұрын

Aww Michelle thanks for sharing how you’ve been feeling - I’ve literally been feeling the exact same way. I think it could have a lot to do with seasonal depression and overall change. Hang in there it’s almost spring! 🌿🌱 Sending you love from Canada 💕 🇨🇦

@giuliabi4064 4 жыл бұрын

Hi Michelle! I discovered your channel a week ago and I love watching your vlogs every night and I admire you, your are an inspiration for me in this moment of my life. A lot of love from ITALY!

@gadah1572 4 жыл бұрын

I’m so in love with your channel and I love you sooo much 😭💚💚💚

@gablynn7390 4 жыл бұрын

binge watching a lot of your videos right now haha i love your personality + editing style!!!!

@briannedixon5458 4 жыл бұрын

I loooove your videos!! I always find myself binge watching all your videos after being away from KZfaq. 💖💖

@ELLIEHAN 4 жыл бұрын

MICHELLE!!! I'm moving out alone next week so I'm doing a marathon with your videos rn omg IM SO EXCITEDDD

@yaongzzz 4 жыл бұрын

Watching your videos is so relaxing. You're doing great Michelle!

@juliayy1 4 жыл бұрын

Always looking forward to your vlogs, Michelle 😍

@trangt5396 4 жыл бұрын

I can totally relate to how you are feeling girl!! Sending you good vibes!! And oh my goodness you are just the cutest!! Love from Canada ✌️💖🍁

@Ana-gy8pl 4 жыл бұрын

Im so into your vlogs rn. Love your videos💞

@melanielooh 4 жыл бұрын

i totally feel u this month. i hope we get out of our slump!!

@mariavenchxo6330 4 жыл бұрын

Just binge watched all your vids....and now I'm subscribed😍😍😊

@vrajashreedalal9927 4 жыл бұрын

Missed your alone diaries badly n i luv to see u happy, i am like you too i understand how it is

@HelloWorld-ie9ow 4 жыл бұрын

AHHH I AM HERE FOR THESE VLOGS💖💖💖

@sorrynotsorry9397 4 жыл бұрын

love u michelle ❤❤❤ im always inspired with ur vids ❤❤❤

@victorialing3111 4 жыл бұрын

Michelleee I’ve been waiting for a vlog for evvaaa love your videos sm!!😫😫💕💕Ilyy

@xsmiile 4 жыл бұрын

Yes so relateable! I work as a consultant so I usually interact with clients on a day to day basis, but the conversations just go "Hi, How are you?" and that's about it.. It's nice not having to go to an office and being able to work from home, but I totally get it in the feeling lonely part. Hope you're able to find your way in NY~

@waykee33 3 жыл бұрын

I feel that you genuinely are a nice person. You will definitely overcome your fears one day. I believe you will. ❤️

@n.vision9109 4 жыл бұрын

Finally! Ive been waiting for ur vlog!

@shirleytran9782 4 жыл бұрын

hi Michelle! new follower/fan here :) really enjoy your vlogs! def can relate to you wanting to meet people on your own. I'm in the same boat (moved to OC from east coast) and my good friend who is also my roommate is who I meet others through. But I want to find my group of people to connect with. Really glad you have us and your channel to be an outlet for your thoughts/emotions. Thanks for being vulnerable

@visi7891 4 жыл бұрын

I love how real you are!

@_yochiyo 4 жыл бұрын

Love your vlogs and love ü. Always waiting for your vlogs 💕

@amohamoud3992 4 жыл бұрын

I’ve watched all of your videos before but today calls for a Michelle Choi vlog binge!! ✨✨💛

@oliyad8236 4 жыл бұрын

We love you! And i will watch you always 🙌🏻

@madelinecaples8141 4 жыл бұрын

I find it really therapeutic when you talk on camera too; just thought I'd mention it. :) I have been going through some similar feelings in the last couple of months. My situation is such that I don't get to visit with a lot of people beyond my own family (and most of them are under 7 haha), and it can get pretty lonely and monotonous, especially when it's too cold even to go outside for a walk. I'd say try to develop the friendships/acquaintances you have and visit with as many people as often as you can - it can be really encouraging to hear some voices besides your own thoughts and lift your mood a lot. Sending love!

@chiae0 4 жыл бұрын

힘내요! I can totally relate to what you're going through right now. I also don't talk a lot on a daily basis and not many people to talk to except for my parents. But I hope you feel better and are able to make more friends on your own! ❤️

@wdjpj4238 4 жыл бұрын

Love you from Japan🤎 Your vlogs always motivate me to learn English!

@seoulmate1710 4 жыл бұрын

I am also an introvert and I sometimes force myself to go out and socialize. It's very hard so make friends as I am living in another country where I don't even speak the language and I constantly have the feeling that I don't fit here. Trying making some insta live while cooking if it makes you feel better~ I also have hairy arms but I bought an IPL a few months ago so I don't have to worry about that anymore 🤷‍♀️

@yusrahaider2520 3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for making this video. I moved to the UK last year, for a new job from my home country. It was a tough move but I settled down fairly fast and made a nice circle of friends there. Then around two months ago I decided to give living in London a shot -- it being a more happening city and all. And honestly, it hasn't been going very great. I stopped eating properly, stopped waking up and sleeping on time, didn't want to do anything, didn't want to get out of bed. It's getting better slowly but I hadn't expected a simple change of cities to have this kind of an effect after having successfully changed countries...? It was and is very frustrating, and I was being hard on myself, but watching your video and reading other people's comments has helped me realize that it's okay to feel this way. It actually is very hard living in a city where you know no one, especially with the pandemic and restrictions in place So just thank you. For making this and for sharing your thoughts :)

@TheALife23 4 жыл бұрын

i really like your channel your videos are soothing and calming to me keep up the good work girl

@honeydrip4134 4 жыл бұрын

You have easily become my favorite vlogger, aaaaaaaah 😭😭😭💖💖💖💖

@izuzuchan 4 жыл бұрын

Almost a year ago I relocated as well, almost 6hrs away from my friends and family. I didn’t know anyone here and the depression and separation anxiety was the worst I’ve ever experienced, it took almost 6-8 months before I finally started feeling better. One thing I did recently was look for meetups of like minded people or crafting meetups (since I’m big into that) and having something to look forward to outside of my regular schedule really helps. Not only do I get to meet new people but I get to work on my craft and be inspired by others works too. 🎉🎉

@pupupuz8375 4 жыл бұрын

Itaewon class is amazing!! I highly recommend everybody to watch it.

@jennytsang4156 4 жыл бұрын

You give me the motivation to start my own KZfaq channel as an introvert. Looove your videos! And you are so pretty!

@shreeejuuu2316 4 жыл бұрын

Stay strong. We will always be there for you unnie ❤️❤️❤️🌹🌹🌹

@user-ci4hm3wy2g 4 жыл бұрын

i rarely relate to youtubers, but i feel like our personalities are similar. glad i found your channel, i love watching your videos ♡

@shikhae1937 3 жыл бұрын

They look so good together i swear

@hannahpark7247 4 жыл бұрын

ahhh !! i love your vlogs, so happy you uploaded today. do you mind telling us where the brunch spot is? food looked so good i wanna try !

@jangiijane 4 жыл бұрын

Starting my friday with Michelle 😍

@emilyke2353 4 жыл бұрын

Michelle‘s vlog can always cheer me up,

@keween3 4 жыл бұрын

I can so relate with you. Thank you for sharing! ♥️☺️

@jiu3869 4 жыл бұрын

I totally relate to the feeling in 13:36 .. I live as a foreigner in Japan and most of my friends are also friends I've met through my friends. and while thats something I'm honestly super thankful about, I wanna know how to do it on my own too. loved that you were real to us 😘u look gorg in the black dress

@KK-cc5hv 4 жыл бұрын

It's been a long time to no see your weekly vlogs. I miss you, welcome back again😇

@hannahd3402 4 жыл бұрын

Aww.. Yuyan! Nice to see you both are hanging out! My faves🌷🙌🏻😍😝

@shuangsvlog7955 4 жыл бұрын

Get on the upbeat! Love your vlogs especially cooking ones and skincare ones. Keep going Michelle!

@madihameya3049 4 жыл бұрын

yayyyy!! I have missed your vlogs

@humirax3587 4 жыл бұрын

Michelle, you're amazing.. Love your vlogs 😍

@aaliyaayasha 4 жыл бұрын

Seeing your video is like ! Good mornings for me ! ❣️🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

@angelicaregine9621 4 жыл бұрын

I can relate highly sis! We love you ! This introvert life has been difficult but as long as you’re good love we’ll always be here! Tell my dawg I-dawg I said wassupppp !

@VanessaLim 4 жыл бұрын

Aww Michelle, I feel like getting anxious about being surrounded by people that you don't really know is like soo relatable. I also can relate to finding talking to the camera therapeutic...even though, I don't have many subscribers to watch my videos and listen in to my outbursts lol I understand how letting all your thoughts out somewhere or to someone can be refreshing. I also think it's so great that you realize that you want to work on putting yourself out there and figuring it out for yourself instead of relying on your significant other. I think it's so amazing that you have Ivan who can support you and be there for you, but at the same time I totally agree that it is SO important to learn to be independent. I guess it's all about finding the balance - which I'm sure you are working towards and I'm sure you will get there one day! Always rooting for you. 💖

@annsegundo805 4 жыл бұрын

I knew it!! Even for just a sec I knew her makeup was different (but she still looks gorgeousss)

@valenciashirley2390 4 жыл бұрын

the view from your apartmn is so pretty😭✨

@vicmendez7 4 жыл бұрын

I enjoy watching your vlogs Michelle! Don't be too hard on yourself and enjoy life girl. :)))

@thepinktannies8410 4 жыл бұрын

i literally became obsessed w your videos 😌

@VxLabyrinth 4 жыл бұрын

Your videos are the besttttt. I watch so many people that do lifestyle type videos, but yours just hit different lmao

@riseshine4904 4 жыл бұрын

Omg!my two favourite KZfaqrs together ❤️❤️

@zainabsharif2568 4 жыл бұрын

Love your vlogs, hope to see you more this year

@sz3960 4 жыл бұрын

Omg... I feel you so much on what you said about introverts and meeting people through your s/o, YES I am like this and I also wish to be much more extroverted and meet new people by myself. :')