the way the husband acted i think he was involved

I didn't think about that😮

@@dollface2907tbh no i think the explanation the husband gave matches with his actions

The MIL had repeatedly offered to step in and take care of the baby for a bit, so the formula on hand would fit with her being prepared if the OP had taken her up on the offer. Her having formula is therefore circumstantial evidence. Perhaps suspicious, but not enough to establish anything beyond a reasonable doubt.

I would not allow my newborn to stay with someone like that, I don't give formula to my babies. To me a breastfed only should not get pformula if mom doesn't want to give formula Dad should suppert mom, because breastfeeding isn't alwas easy, and it's a learning ‏curve

As parent 2 times I can say that switching from breast milk to formula can be a major problem. My wife would pump and leave the milk to be given to my daughter. Something happened and my mother was forced to feed our daughter some formula we had just in case. My daughters stomach didn’t take the formula too well. Every doctor we spoke to said stick with one formula or breast milk and never switches it can upset their stomachs especially when they are new born.

@@rjgaynor8 2 kids here as well, and it's not just switching from breast milk to formula but also different brands of formula too. My (ex) wife wasn't able to breast feed so both my kids were formula fed and I remember running out at one point and couldn't find the brand we always used so was forced to get a different one. As soon as the following diaper change I decided it was best to continue hunting for our regular brand which took 3 days. 3 days of near constant crying and diaper changes you would only experience in nightmares

@@acidsnail4573 that’s what I was trying to imply. You stick with one brand and type of formula or breast feeding. My daughter wasn’t too sick, very gassy but the formula definitely affected her diaper for a week.

I feel like the formula wouldn’t be as bad if babies can communicate

@@nevduv9990 the other issue from giving formula while breastfeed it isnt un common for the baby to want only formula and not the breastmilk. (Im a mom of 5 and breastfeed and have had this happen with one of my kids)

@Jack Russelle Lewis She didn't offer to help out, she kidnapped the baby in the middle of the night. How would you feel if you wake up and your baby is gone? The mother-in-law is nuts. But the divorce thing is stupid, yes. The poor husband was in a really tough situation.

If you think about it, the OP also did something wrong. She kidnapped the baby from the father when she went to the hotel. Just a thought. Both are wrong imo.

@@RaZhOdKaaaa agreed with you sir

@@RaZhOdKaaaa yeah i really do feel bad for the husband

@Jack Russelle Lewis you either don’t have kids or don’t have a brain. If this was my child and my mother I would have called the cops and pressed charges. The husband is an idiot and should have been there for the wife. You can’t just decide to switch to formula or even switch formulas with a new born as well. We had to do it because my wife’s milk got spilled and I can tell you the results aren’t pretty. The husband made a dumb choice here and definitely soured his relationship with his wife. For all the guys reading this; when you leave home and get a wife, your wife is more important than your mother. The reason is simple, your wife can make your life a living hell if you fuck up bad enough. Stop being a mamas boy and grow up.

This story reminded me of a Mr. Ballen video of another Mother in Law who ALSO had no respect for boundaries. She would enter the house whenever she wanted, no warning. She would alter the house however she wanted. When the baby was born, the wife forced the husband to choose: Mom or me (your wife). He chose his Mom. He moved out. The Mother in Law hired a hitman to murder the daughter-in-law. Custody of the baby was given to the murdered lady's Mother.

My partner and I are buying a house next month (fingers crossed). Mother in Law is down the street and openly despises me. She's a documented liar (I have proof) and body shames my husband 1-2x PER DAY and tells him to starve himself to lose weight (his weight is healthy for his height but he now has pretty strong body dysmorphia and an eating disorder). Anyway, she doesn't understand what boundaries are and says that anyone who asks for privacy is hiding something. I was forced to live with my in-laws for these past 3 years and man due to our culture and my husband's wish to care for his parents (which I admire). My husband and I were born and raised in Canada and are of Indian heritage. This lady would go into my room, move my things around, bring my Brother in Law into my room to show him that I was messy (when I wasn't home). She would touch my laundry (clean AND DIRTY!) and argue with me when I asked her not to. She would go through my trash and "wash" it. I'm talking CLOSED BLACK GARBAGE BAGS in the garage. She would open it and go through it. When my husband and I announced that I'd be going to school full-time to finish my degree (we could more than afford it), my in-laws said no because then I'd be out of the house so much. (I already worked full time since I was 16, and at the time I worked a 9-5 job so there would be NO difference at all). I even tried bargaining with them like an idiot and said I'll choose all my classes on 2-3 days of the week and be home 4 days. They said no. I was 29 when I got married by the way. But we had just gotten married, my husband was waaaay out of my league and I didn't want to fight with them. When I would see my friends ONE DAY PER MONTH, she would criticize how I can spend so much time with them. "What can you talk about for 9 hours?" I have no family here so I wasn't spending time with my Mom and Dad or relatives. I was ONLY seeing my girlfriends ONCE per month. She told me to cut off my friendship with an elderly friend who I had met in Church because she heard from another person in Church that my elderly friend had a temper? I tried to decline but this was RIGHT after we got married and she said, "I haven't asked you for anything, this is the 1st thing I'm asking of you." 2-3 days per week I would cook 5-6 HOURS (prep, cooking, cleaning) and she would openly criticize that I spent too much time in the kitchen. My food is to die for: delicious, fresh, healthy, and I had to cook separate things for my Father in Law and my husband. I would also make enough to last 2-3 days (would freeze some). Have you ever heard of a Mother-in-Law complaining that her daughter spent TOO MUCH TIME cooking fresh food for her family? In the history of mankind, has a Mother-in-Law ever had such a dumbass complaint? She also told me I can't put my clothes in the dryer because my clothes are "too heavy" and the dryer will catch fire. What the fuck? So I bought a drying rack for the house. Then she criticized that I put too FEW clothes in the dryer (underwear, socks, sports bras, pillowcases, towels, etc) and that I wasting electricity (which we pay for). Oh yeah, we pay almost all the house bills. Cellphones for all 4 of us, cable tv (for them), home phone line (for them), internet (for all of us), all tablets and technology, home alarm system, hydro (electricity), home insurance, accountant fees, food, all major home repairs: water heater, smart thermostat, furnace, mold removal + new roof (half of the roof), brand new fridge, all dental bills, all prescriptions, all car repairs, anything and everything they ever want from Amazon... and that's all I can remember right now. OH, and even though WE buy food (even from their Speciality stores), SHE needs a physical receipt to inspect the prices so she can criticize me later on paying 50 cents more for something than I should have. We had 2 gigantic fights about the receipts until my husband finally started shutting her down (at the 2 year mark when he saw all my goodwill efforts were being lost in his un-cooperative and controlling Mother). OH also she asked me about my weight literally every single day for 2 years :) It took me 2 YEARS... 2 FUCKING YEARS TO REALIZE that this lady is out of her God damned mind. I was so naive and such a fucking people-pleaser. They made me feel as if any argument happened in this house, it was because I was bring difficult. NO LADY. YOU are a fucking controlling, angry woman who hides her rage and manipulative nature behind a smile and sweet voice. SORRY FOR WRITING A NOVEL. THIS WAS CATHARTIC. ONCE I STARTED, I COULDN'T STOP. Suffice it to say..... she WILL NOT be getting a key to our new house. And supervised visits with the Grandparents only. I always wondered why their older son and his wife were so distant even though they live close by. THIS IS WHY. THEY lived with my Mother in Law for 4 years before they bought their house. They are distant because this lady is so pushy and takes SO MUCH ADVANTAGE of any inch you give her. I think I hate her.

imo the Op was 100% right to be angry, but wanting to divorce her husband? therapy? not wanting to move back into the house? she overreacted and if i were the husband, i would divorce her.

@@python_blox2335 How the fuck can you say that? The mother-in-law BROKE IN and KIDNAPPED the infant. She could have accidentally killed the baby thinking she was 'helping'.

I swear if I had been in her position I would've been out for blood. The sheer terror from that moment would never leave. I would be utterly terrified of losing my baby every day. and like her would be unable to ever sleep again. I can not imagine the fear she would've gone through.

Agree with the second one. Maybe if the husband again just talked with his wife before taking the niece in they could have at least used sometime to try to learn more about her condition and how to handle it.

@@wojteksteclik8909 Exactly!

i havent heard the end of the story but in my opinion the wife is a bit of a butt hole for asuming that the niece is ungrateful when in reality she is not people with sensory issues and autism struggle with texture and change how would know this because my brother is on the autism spectrum and adhd im adhd and multiple other things yes this is diagnosed one of my best friends struggles with texture and i struggle with texture a little bit aswell

Story one I kind of back the husband only (AND I MEAN ONLY) in the fact he was half asleep. I have done stupid stuff while sleepwalking(idk if the husband was still half asleep or whatever but still) but the husband and wife were both NTA ( I’m assuming that NTA means not the avshole)but the husband could have handled it better

@@butterscotchtim Yeah, I agree. I'm autistic and I have severe issues with change, texture and sensory issues. But I also agree that she should not be responsible for her nieces care because she obviously isn't fit for it. Some people just aren't. And she isn't even her legal parent, so it is wrong to force it upon her. Taking care of a child is a huge responsibility and autistic children are even bigger responsibility. I can safely say that because my parents didn't know how to care for an autistic child (even though I've been diagnosed) they messed me up for life. I can only hope that the niece gets the care she needs one way or the other

Me being autistic it isn't easy on either side I am not the kind to take this type of thing lightly . It's not easy for the autistic person. Either

Maybe give the niece some puzzle books.... Later, she could become the military's codebreaker. -Mercury Rising movie reference

I am autistic and the levels of disrespect and uncaring love from this guy isn't even funny like he was ready to discard the niece to try and save his marriage like bro! You serious?! You should learn a thing or two from your wife! She only asked that you go and talk to her about this things first before jumping the gun! And the fact he was gonna sacrifice the Niece probably nailed the coffin for this sorry excuse of a human being i just hope the Niece grows up finding out that her Uncle was ready to toss her into the dumpster to save his marriage

@@erichanastacio9695 that doesn't work if she isn't interested. Taking care of a very disabled, very special needs child is no breeze. I know this, I'm mildly autistic, perfectly capable to take of myself, but I will be ready likely at age 23-25 to move out, and I sometimes babysit my non-functional nephew. He is special needs too, and refuses to let you feed him or drink him, unless you're his mother, so I trick him with the food, but you literally have to force the baby bottle🍼into his mouth and twist and hold it there, or else he doesn't drink.

I think it would've went a lot different if he'd sat down and went over what they could do financially so that he could stay home with neice.

Im glad the mother on law actually realized she was a monster and crazy and she was too clingy with her grandchild.Switching a baby's milk from breast milk to formula or formula from a different brand with different ingredients from the baby is used to might upset the stomach

My mother wishes that she could have breastfed me but I couldn't breastfeed and then I got sick off of most of the baby formula that she tried. Finally, a care nurse had to be called in to do the feeding and they found that I could have the formula that was thickened with buckwheat. However, even then it affected her feeding journey with me and she thought that she was a terrible mother.

The Dec Cottage oh wow oh no

Also there is a thing called nipple confusion, the baby gets used to one thing and if you switch to a bottle and try to go back to breastfeeding they might not latch properly anymore. Also formula is digestively harder, but sometimes it’s the only option. I had to supplement with formula because I just couldn’t produce enough. Oh a breastfeeding mom can get all milk heavy if the baby suddenly isn’t feeding. It can be quite painful.

@@ishianti oh no oh no......... 😢 😢 😢

@@AshendrisSilvermist oh no :(((

whole family start displaying signs of dementia as soon as taking care of their familial responsibilities came up?

@@holstorrsceadus1990 oh

I work in a retirement home and I can understand why it would be hard to care for someone with Alzheimer’s. We had to call the police on a resident once because he assaulted staff. He was sent to the hospital until his family could find him a nursing home that would take him. (Please note there is a huge difference between a retirement home and a nursing home)

Alano Dantas oh...

Precisely! Children in orphanages do tend to have trauma, but you get those children with disability, they think they can handle it but they can't. The husband had good intentions, probably hated the thought of his niece having to be given to the system (especially if its in America cause our system is not good at all). He just didn't think it out.

@@fidelianerina oh no...

she was a stay at home mom and litterally was about to sacrifise her career and life for there child. She only got her job back to back her husband into a corner. Its a good Thing she miscarried because i am pretty sure if her child would have turned out like his niece she would have left . The guy did what he had to do by taking her in all the other shit is petty but taking her in is what he had to do.

@@ibo-np1wc She didn't sign for that, you can't just drop something like that to her, you can't drop something like that to anyone. And that man had other options, what if he didn't even exist and couldn't be the one who would take her, there would naturally be some other place for her. Group home, maybe? being with other people like her. There is group homes around the world and it turn out that people living in them are actually happier than living with their parents, there might be exceptions, but in general they are happier. There is people who know how to take care of them and there is other residents so they are not lonely, they have all kinds of activities and even trips to keep them active. So yes, there is options. And about that baby, you can't even compare a woman wanting to have her own children versus taking care of some disabled person. It's not even from same planet, that is how far those options are from each other.

@@Tontteman i am just chocked that you are advocating for children to not be taken in by their family and grow up in the system that is some bs studys that gets published so people dont get angry that children Arent being treated well. And it isnt like he found some disable person on the street Its his FAMILY And also hers since they are married. She wanted her own child correct but who says it would be a healthy child couples plans to start famillies asuming its a healthy child And its only one which tells me that people are just stupid she could get twins with the same disabiltys what would she do then. Shes not ready to be a parent because a parent isnt just a guardian to a healthy child it is no matter what

@@ibo-np1wc No, not her family, being married doesn't mean that she is responsible for that kid. People have right to choose how they live their life. Nobody owns anybody. If she chooses no, that doesn't make her in anyway a bad person. And once again her own children got zero to do with that girl, they would be her own children and very likely those possible children would never even exist if she would stay with him. She have right to be happy, right to seek happiness and nobody owns her. Her life is her own.

Man, there is such a big difference between taking care of your own child and taking care of someone else’s. Not to mention the niece is special needs, not just that but special needs enough that care for her likely will last the rest of her life. I have Asperger’s, a high functioning form of autism and I can live on my own, but i know from first hand experience it’s hard for a parent to adjust their lives around someone whose brain functions even slightly different to the average human being. In this situation the husband shouldn’t have lied to the wife and if he couldn’t properly take care of the niece should’ve set her up with cps. NTJ

divorce? yes. financially ruin his life and the childhood of the young, medically struggling, niece? no.

@@felynia "financially ruin his life and the childhood of the young, medically struggling, niece"? no, he did that to himself when he decided to take the niece without a proper plan and tired pushing all the responsibility on the OP.

@@Zhajn It sounds obvious that he didn`t know what he was getting himself into. Of course, he should have looked into the situation and realized that this wouldn`t work out in the long run. It was scrappy of him to steal the keys and hide the passport, especially with the wife`s past. Divorce, and even a restraining order, would be helpful here. However, it is too far and cruel putting them in a situation where they have to struggle with: 1. don`t have enough space (2 bedroom house for 4 people) 2. don`t qualify for wefare 3. no money for niece`s college, or to support themselves 4. bad, even possibly traumatic, experiences for the niece (I know through personal experience medical stuff messes your brain up) Not saying the wife didn`t go through a lot here, but there`s no need to not work with the husband to make sure they don`t have to live on the streets, or worse.

@@felynia you realize that the wife does not bear the responsibility of this child. He made that decision and chose not to plan out benefits or move with his parents for added support while his ex-wife and him were together. The ex-wife has nothing to do with that niece and doesnt owe her a home, food or care. That's his family, not hers. He commited a FEDERAL CRIME against her and dumped that child into her hands without giving her the chance to say no. The niece wont go to college... She has the mind of a child and attacked the ex-wife when she threw the plates at the ex-wife's feet. She does not have high functioning autism... The niece is the type of autistic that needs to be restrained or else they hurt themselves or the people around them when they have meltdowns. I know people that live with severely autistic family members and they experienced their own family getting scratched, punched, kicked, and having to restrain the autistic family member. It's mentally taxing for them and feels like an eternal cage. She owes nothing to him or his niece and it's not morally wrong to say that.

​@@felynia ok to each of your points: 1 so the OP is supposed to give free room and board for people she wants nothing to do with? 2 pretty sure the husband is gonna qualify if he becomes a full time nurse for the niece, the late mother was probably doing that. Also not any of OP's business. 3 with the level of autism the niece sounds like she has (at the age of 17!!), I don't think she'll ever be able to interact normally in society so I doubt college is ever going to be a consideration. and 4 that's the husband's fault for piss poor planning. Lastly I feel like you don't understand that the OP had a situation forced on her without her input so quite frankly she is under no obligation to help if she wants nothing to do with this. What you're suggesting to be her fault is charity on her part and last I checked charity is optional not requirement. If husband, couldn't take care of the niece fully like he said he would, maybe he shouldn't have gotten custody.

I agree with this

@@imjustyourlocalcocomilk2098 same even animals have protective instinct and protect them to the death so humans are defiantly animals and they defiantly protect them

Totally. Anyone who is a parent understands how traumatic it is to have your newborn suddenly disappear and not knowing where or how. If that happened to me I would need some serious therapy to move past that.

Ok, divorce him. Lol.

The mother is not crazy, of course! She handled the situation almost perfectly. The only mistake she made was that she needed to calm down enough to realize that her husband was never going to hurt or influence his own baby, and taking the baby away from him is extreme to the next level. If the husband had helped the mother-in-law steal the baby, it would be justified. Instead, the husband was not at fault here, so no action was needed. The husband took the situation incredibly well, and the mother is lucky the husband didn`t take her to court for that. If I was in the husband`s place, I might have if the mother didn`t immediately apologize lol. All of that said, the mother did handle the situation very well and protected everyone involved. props to her!

I imagine the sleep deprevation was making rational thought near impossible at that point

Truth. I'm glad I'm not the only one who was thinking this. Also, I like your name. Is there a story behind it?

The husband was not wrong he just wasn't in his feelings like the OP.

Me too

Please ladies, don't put off mothers to be by saying breast feeding is extremely difficult, it can be hard but I wouldn't say it's extremely difficult. It's quite natural and as long as you are realistic it's pretty straight forward and no more complicated as bottle feeding. I found bottle feeding far more work that breast feeding. No making up bottles. If I wanted to go out for the day, just grab some nappies and wipes and Yr off. So no, as with everything there are pros and cons but don't feel it's hard, a little painful at the start but after that it's z breeze.

True autist.

OP totally isn't the jerk though. It's her husband for not trying more to help

Good question. Perhaps part of the reason for the Niece's actions is that, at some level, she did realize what was happening. Her mother died, and her Uncle promised to take care of her only to pass the buck to her Aunt who clearly wasn't okay with it. That would cause some issues even without a mental disorder.

OP did not sign up for this and was under no obligation to help. The agreement was that OP would not have to do any work. Parents are responsible for taking care of their children, and everyone else is opt-in. If they choose to opt in, great, they get some good person brownie points for it. Forcing that responsibility on someone other than the parents is a recipe for a kid being raised in a living situation where they are resented. OP had her life and freedom taken away without her consent by the unilateral decision of her husband.

as an autistic 17 year old girl myself i also got uncomfortable at first however after hearing the story for a while i completely understand. it’s difficult enough dealing with a child with autism that can basically take care of themselves like i can because of things like sensory problems, picky eating, difficulty understanding what you want unless ur completely direct or specific. i can’t imagine how hard it would be to deal with an autistic child who can’t do much for themselves. the op’s husbands niece has a lot more difficulty with living and can’t fully communicate how best to help her like i can with my parents so i really feel for the op and the niece in this situation. the husband on the other hand is an asshole

He did talk to her though. I find it sad that in the US marriage is seen so loosely with "Your problem" types of situations. Here a married couple is seen as a couple. A family unit. His problems are hers and her problems are his.

CidVeldoril That’s only true when BOTH sides of the marriage are working TOGETHER. It seems more like all the burden was thrown on to her while he goes to work even though he CLAIMED he would do EVERYTHING and gave a presumption that the wife wouldn’t have to do much…. His problems are hers, so why is it that her problems with the niece and lack of experience with people in the same state as the niece ONLY a PROBLEM for her? Why isn’t he pulling his weight with the “her problems are his problems?” That phrase HAS to work both ways and not a ‘burden everything on my wife’ type phrase….. he was not seen helping his own wife in her time of need. Yet you expect her to fully be there for his time of need. On top of all this the manipulative actions can’t be excused either.

@@zainbath6888 He is pulling his weight though. They agreed that he worked while she stayed at home, so him being at work, thus obviously being less at home is him pulling his weight.

@@zainbath6888 what he said, but also, she only took her old job back out of spite and completely refused to help from that point. ALL of his actions with the lying and stealing were wrong, but the fact she was malicious in saying the kid was his problem alone was terrible. You hear the story from her perspective but she admits she stopped working to be the stay at home parent. Did she believe that meant she would just do nothing and he would continue to be the child’s primary care giver?

She stated the dad sees the child everyday. She left because she did not feel the home was safe anymore and when she talked to her spouse about it he downplayed what happened and blamed his wife's hormones. She is doing this while seeking professional help to ensure the best outcome for their baby.

Well that's some new info I have never heard before o.o

Exactly. The man claimed HE would take care of his niece, and then proceeded to push that job on OP.

I can see both sides. the husband dug himself into a horrible situation and chose himself and his niece over the wife, its what the average person would do. the wife has every right to be angry here, but I feel it is an overreaction to completely cut ties and screw them over. its overcorrecting, harsh, and complicating the situation. when the wife says 'every choice was the worst thing for me', thats exactly what she was doing, albeit unknowingly, to the niece. both sides are at fault.

@@felynia what part of this is screwing them over? consider that the husband's decisions screwed over the OP first? Husband essentially made a promise that he refused to keep, making excuses on why he couldn't be there and pushing his promise on to his wife that wasn't agreed upon with her. Nevermind it sounds like the 17 yr old niece is not the docile kind of autism neither, meaning the hassle of taking care of a person multiplied immensely. Since he took custody of the niece and stated that he'll fully take care of her, now he'll have full opportunity to follow up on his words.

@@Zhajn The niece was 17!? I thought she was 8 or 9 from how she was acting! What the hell was her mother doing!

@@samuelsoliday4381 That's a good question and it sounded like the mother was full time taking care of the daughter before she died. Died from what? who knows.

Absolutely

Maybe she wanted a divorce because she realized he's a mama's boy and things like this will keep happening? I have to wonder if this is the first time she's crossed a line and apologized after. I mean this was pretty wild and OP already didn't trust her to have the baby before this But she was also sleep deprived and hormonally imbalanced so...

I think it's because on the moment you don't think straight, you feel too many emotions, and then when you calm down a little you try to stick to the decision you made when you was too emotional to reassure yourself that you're sane and in the right, it's a natural mechanism but it can screw over a lot of relationships

No shit she doesn't sound stable. I get it I would not want my mother in law near my kid. But to think about divorcing your husband over this because he is not freaking out like you are. That's just petty and messed up

Don't underestimate sleep deprivation combined with post partum stress.

@@Arricov She's probably counting on the system to see the father as a second class citizen so she can hit the divorce lottery, but unsure because maybe a friend or family member told her that the whole disappearing act might work against her.

@@rainbowunicorn709 what? How did you make out that scenario in your head?

@@Classof-wf5jw Logical deduction.

Actually I think she is possibly a verbal one but to close to the middle so has spike's of emotion more easily and probably has a hard time taking things well

Trust me just a few points below the the most common verbal people you can see some with severe issues but aren't just wheelchair bound non verbals and some kids the closer you get to the non verbal side have very hard times controlling how they feel so that's why certain norms are created to try and help but some can be harder to maintain than others

Can we just acknowledge for one second the husband didn’t just go out and buy a car without talking to his wife? His sister DIED. He took in a member of his family and did everything he could to keep her. The wife did not have a job at the time. The truth is she became overwhelmed and decided the niece was his problem now. She checked out on her partner.

@@Loverboy0694 yeah, his sister died, but that doesn't mean he is obligated to take on a responsibility like that. If anything, that's a bigger thing to take on than buying a car behind her back. It's a living, breathing person that would permanent change their life and the way the live, and an added expense both monetarily and emotionaly. And just because she's not working doesn't give him the right to put all the responsibility HE took on, on her. He didn't ask, just assumed and it's not something you assume just because you're married. On top of that, any time he should have taken responsibility, he didn't. To me all that comes across as is "hey, I don't want my niece to be without family, but I also don't actually want to actually raise and look after her". The wife was not a born carer. And that's ok, not everyone is. It's ok for something like this to be too much. If he wanted to take her on, he should have dug into his pockets to get a proper carer who actually knows how to look after her. On top of that, she didn't just "have no job". Regardless, as a full-time carer, she couldn't go back to work whether she wanted to or not until someone else was looking after the girl. His behaviour is super toxic and grief doesn't make anything he did ok. He was trying to be good to his sister and keep family together, but his family suffered without even knowing that it was going to happen, and that's not fair. So I mostly disagree with you. I am happy he tried to look out for his niece and sister, but he did everything the wrong way, dumped it on his partner and didn't actually take any responsibility that he'd "taken on" and not once asked for her consent or opinions, like you should in a partnership.

@@jaimeebidwell9305she was the one who was not working(at the time) and was more available to give daily care. Notice she never complained about him failing to help with her case after work or being too distracted by other things as is common in these types of stories. When he was at work she had to be the caregiver. Keep in mind they had been together for 16 years and she never says he acted like this prior to his sister dying. She was a terrible partner, because his family should have been her family at this point. Again, this isn’t a year or two into a relationship, it’s almost two decades in. The part that gets me is she really divided everything in her mind. The girl wasn’t HER responsibility. When she got to the point she realized she couldn’t be the child’s long term caregiver then they had options. She got frustrated he couldn’t immediately leave work(at this point he was the sole provider) and decided she was done. She knew he had no alternate caregiver and she left. That’s not how you treat a spouse and partner. Your spouses problems are your problems. If it isn’t a true partnership the relationship will never work. He found an alternate daytime caregiver, but she had an emergency. Again, he’s in a bind because she admits he has a meeting he can’t miss. She refuses to help. She has washed her hands of the girl. At this point the relationship was over. As stated below his every action after that point was wrong, but he was desperate to make it work and she wasn’t trying to help him at all. Relationships are hard and life happens fast. His sister died and he was trying to do the right thing. I don’t hear her mention one time how he was grieving, or what he was feeling. She saw his family as a burden. Hiding her passport and taking her key was childish and stupid. He should have communicated with her clearly that if she is his life partner then she needs to be in on this as well. If she wasn’t then he needed to move on. I’m glad they never had kids. Again, his actions were stupid but the truth is if that’s all it took for her to leave after 20 years they didn’t have much of a relationship to begin with. She was already unhappy and ready to go. He is definitely a jerk for what he did to her stuff. Also, on a side note: You’re cute. Even thought we disagree we should talk sometime. Outside of taking about this.

@@Loverboy0694 I would leave over that. It's a huge life changing situation and HE DID NOT CONSULT HER. You're seemingly trying to say that because she didn't protest from the start, that it's ok for him to assume she will take on all of the issues. That is zero communication and I would feel bitter and annoyed that my partner would not only take on the responsibility without telling me, but also assume that she will take on the role because she isn't working the problem from the start is he didn't ask her. The job fell to her because she was home. And it seems that she did express concerns many times and he brushed it off as his life was more important than hers. If he had the true partner mindset, they would have shared responsibility. Especially when she expressed, and he saw how stressed she was. That vlatent ignorance on his part. Yes, she would consider the girl family, but it's not the same as her taking on her sibling's child after the siblings death. Being a caregiver to a child in such a situation is extremely stressful and difficult. She did her best for as long as she could. As far as it seems from her message, he didn't respect or try to understand her. He continuously made assumptions, then started to do very alarming and controlling things. He was treating her like caregiving was HER job, when in fact, it was his responsibility. Not everyone can handle a child with disabilities. It's a difficult conversation to have when a woman is pregnant with a child with disabilities. Some women can't handle it and will abort. This is their decision to make. She never even gave birth to this child and was more or less saddled with her. On top of that, it's a life long commitment, not temporary and that's where the issue lies. If it was for a couple of months, or even a year, fair enough, I'm sure she could do her best to hold on. But this would have been their job (or her's because in his mind his job is more important than his partner and niece) for the rest of the girl's life, or their lives. Not being consulted on that would totally piss me off and having to deal with her situation and his manipulation (do NOT sugar coat it by saying they were stupid mistakes, his actions are full blown controlling and dangerous and could have easily escalated). Some relationships have a breaking point, and while for you, it doesn't seem like something that should have broken them up, it was completely life altering. On top of that, if they did have kids, it could have been completely different. Your own children and other people's children are different and as I've already said, it takes a particular kind of person to be able to give care to those who are special needs. Patience, understanding, a calmness and a willingness to give everything to help the child to live well. I don't have that, I know many people that don't. I feel trapped even having a dog, so by the guy just making assumptions, he's effectively trapped his partner in an inescapable situation with expectations that werent discussed and issues that he never acknowledged. At the end of the day, had he sat down with her and talked through it, then regularly gave her breaks and shared the responsibility, then respected her wishes to work to have a life, it would have worked out much better. HE should have changed jobs if it didn't work with his decision to take in his niece. So again, you're not understanding her perspective at all. She is not in the wrong and some situations will end relationships because everyone is different. Plus, manipulation and control are NEVER ok in a relationship.

The way he reacted and continued to react is what he did wrong. He made the choice to down play what happened and act like his spouse's feeling were out of control. He is now facing the consequences of his choices.

Lovely way to refer to someone's daughter

The daughter did nothing wrong. Op is selfish. If she would treat the mentally febel that way, imagine how she'd treat her own? Terrible heartless person

We're people, not "spawn." Just because we have autism doesn't make us less human.

@@NobleS1236 absolutely. I'm sorry people like this exist. Not all people are heartless like this.

No not really, her hormones are out of control. From what i've been told about my mother OP was relatively tame.

i would go crazy to have my child taken from with me without my knowledge have my husband side with his mom when im clearly in pain being scared that if i go to sleep she will prolly be taking the anxiety plus hormones shes not crazy i wouldve pressed charges so fucking fast

No she's perfectly resanable

@@Fairy4theworld I wouldn’t say perfectly reasonable. She did over react but only because of her hormones going crazy. Let’s not act like shit didn’t hit the fan. She definitely has a good excuse for her over reaction though

@@denisenicole8271 No. He shouldn't be making excuses, however, this is a very traumatic event with emotions flying high. And once those emotions settled down, he apologized. Yet, she is still talking about divorce. She absolutely needs therapy. And it's not just due to pregnancy.

@@denisenicole8271 Therapy was needed before this happened. The MIL just sent it into the stratosphere.

You've missed the whole point. Their grandmother didn't take the baby. She kidnapped the baby without permission. I would also press charges and divorce that piece of shit scumbag mama's boy.

having a good reason to commit a crime doesnt excuse committing the crime. her heart was not in the right place at all, she asked for permission and was told no become of an actually VERY good reason (not excuse you fool, you dont need an excuse to not let someone take your newborn) and she even mentioned having PPA, the amount of emotional turmoil that a woman goes through for nine whole months and then the process of birth is immeasurable and this MIL spat on every boundary and feelings this brand new mother was feeling and decided she knew better. f that. if my MIL or even my own mother did that id cut contact with them entirely.

@@The_dandy_zombie that's the great thing about these AITA posts, we can all have our own opinions. Not sure how I am a "fool" for thinking the OP went overboard with her reaction, but ok. I can empathize with the OP about being scared out of her mind, when she didn't know where her baby was, and also being extremely pissed at the MIL for taking the baby, both are completely understandable. But to contemplate divorce, "need" therapy/counseling over the ordeal, and want to press charges? Seems pretty extreme to me! Like I said, a good a** chewing with a set of rules and boundaries set in place, with the house key taken away, should be sufficient enough. If the MIL, and husband were unwilling to agree to the rules and boundaries set in place, than more extreme measures can be pursued. Are you a "fool" for having a different opinion than mine, on how to react in that situation?

@@goofyone2153 I called you a fool for saying breastfeeding was an excuse to not let the MIL take the baby. Once again, she didn’t need an excuse to not want to give up her newborn child

@@The_dandy_zombie it is an excuse, I didn't pull it out of no where, the OP in the story stated it as one. I just pointed it out as a bad excuse. So again, how am I the fool? Move on, your argument isn't valid anymore.

I would agree except that the system has an anti-male bias.

Yes. If I was the husband, I would have at least contemplated getting the police involved in tracking down my kid.

I wouldn't say this was an overreaction for someone suffering from postpartum anxiety. After the event she was too anxious to even sleep in her home. I get that that's his Mom but she was wrong and his wife needed his support more at that moment. Maybe if he'd put aside his bias and supported his wife she wouldn't have needed to lean on her Mom? He was making it a 2 on 1 situation when she was already not doing well. I mean she was too afraid to even sleep since it happened. I don't think she was wrong to look for support And I'm not sure if you missed the part were she said he was seeing the baby everyday. I don't think this is that type of situation. She left because she didn't feel like they were safe there not to keep him from his child. It's not always so black and white

@@lolaBee9 It's nice that the second kidnapper allowed her husband visitation. I wonder whether he ever contemplated taking the baby and running back home.

@@rainbowunicorn709 What are you on about? How was that kidnapping?She went to a hotel and told the Father were they were. Full transparency. Are you saying she's not allowed to live separately from the father or something? Honestly I think people like you are determined to shift every situation to fit your grievances. Not saying it doesn't happen but maybe find a story were the Mom is actually trying to keep the Father away and complain there.

@@lolaBee9 She literally said that she refused to tell the father where she and the kid were.

I’m just going to say imagine this happened to you how would you feel

What @@imjustyourlocalcocomilk2098 said, plus not that I'm experienced in this but hormones, exhaustion and other mentioned post-pregnancy issues probably had her very on edge and thinking in extremes.

Your insane, how would you feel if someone took your child and didn’t even tell you. I’d be fucking pissed and I’d file for arrest

you're mad if you had a four week old baby that you just adore and one day somebody randomly comes into your house without your permisson kidnapped your child and leaves how would you feel? scared and sad and you can go to jail for that even if it was a family member you're still going to jail

@@Fairy4theworld The 3 is basically in the wrong. MIL for doing that, the husband for not side with OP 1st, and OP for wanting a divorce just because she see red in all of this. YES!! the OP is right to be pissed too, but not to lash out like that.

I'm half on the same page because it is not a sane reaction in its entirety, however few sleep deprived new parents would respond differently and she's justified in her anger, up to the point of then kidnapping the baby from the husband. You just aren't in your right mind and capable of making such giant decisions when in such a state, so it's right for a no contact with the mother in law for a time, but it would be a super arsehole and unhealthy move to cut her out of her son and grandchild's life forever on threat of divorce and stealing the man's child once she is in a stronger place mentally.

@@SullisdullisRight, cool, how many children do you have?

Wtf do you mean the mother kidnapped the child away from the dad and he's the only one in the wrong? Ridiculous

@@duckdull2383 That's a valid point. I hadn't considered that at the time I wrote this comment. MIL and husband were still in the wrong, but Mom did overshoot here too. She was sleep deprived and terrified, and as a mom I can completely understand just how much a situation like this would impair your judgement. I think Mom should have communicated the severity of her fears and the consequences of him not taking her seriously. She also should have contacted her mom as soon as the kidnapping happened, so her mom could provide some much needed support. A clearheaded individual being put into this situation could have helped quite a bit before the hotel room.