Grimes' Daughter yeah... basically. I’m a disabled guy and have an able-bodied boyfriend, and he’s not only an angel for being with me, but an angel generally for being a great person. I absolutely love being with him, and I’m happy he understands me and makes me happier when I’m having a bad pain/anxiety/depressive day. It’s so nice to be seen and feel loved.

@@Xan1120 That is really lovely to read, Xander! Excuse me, but people in happy relationships always make me happy ☺I'm glad you have someone who understands you and takes care of you, espacially since I know firsthand how difficult anxiety and depression can makes one's life. Seems you two are a good match. Wish you all the best for the future of your relationship ☺❤

You nailed it!

Grimes' Daughter Yeah, I agree. And you can acknowledge how disability affects a person and their loved ones without making the disabled person sound like a burden. Just ask them and their loved ones how the disability affects them, what they need for good self-care, how you can help and be part of a support netwerk. But it should always be clear in your language that while disability can be a nuisance, someone with a disability is not. People don’t mean harm, but it must really hurt hearing someone being declared saint just for wanting to be with you.

It's like a backhanded compliment. I'm chronically ill but I take care of my able bodied spouse, who has no clue. Everytime someone pulls the poor hubby with sick wife crap, I think ... if you only knew....

Good point!

counterpoint: my bf's struggles and trauma were on the table from the time we first started dating, and less than a month in MY trauma quickly came to light and he was the first to help. it's been four beautiful years since then {': some things bring us closer together edit: it probably also doesn't hurt that he's got ADHD and we're 96% certain that i have it as well lmao

I wish I had a filter because I always let it out straight away and ruin it! 😭 But I also don't want it to come out later because then you invest time before they leave you :( rather avoid the people who find it so awful x

@@asmokeus I think that this is a really good point. Its important to be upfront and honest about disabilities with our partners, but it's really difficult to pick the "right" moment to bring this up.

@@LilG2105 letting people know things about you is good! But you might be coming off too strongly if you find it's off putting for them. Doesn't mean you need to hide it until they feel invested, it just depends what you're revealing :)

I was so confused when I first saw the title, until the part 2 was uploaded and was like "oh ableists exist"

She's an angel but not because she's in a relationship with a disabled partner

@@eshiboo they weren't trying to say Jessica is wrong. They were just being cute about her wife :)

@@ellielindsay8507 I was just adding to their comment, not disagreeing or anything :)

Haha yeah XD

She's so gorgeous 🥺

This comment is really beautiful :-)

I’m glad you feel that way. It was the opposite way with me and my ex. He took care of me because I kept having panic attacks in workplace settings and now I work from home, but before I found a way to work at home I was seen as a “gold digger” or lazy when they had no idea I had insomnia all night panic attacks that had me hyperventilating and crying until I passed out, and the only things the helped knocked me out where I’m basically sleeping or struggling to stay awake. I needed time, several years to be ok again. I’m still not great but having someone love you through that is priceless!

@@eenzamevriend7183 You really so seem like a "eenzame vriend". I really hope things get better is all I can say

I feel you, i can only hold down a job for a year or so until the workplace drama and constantly changing policies cause panic attacks and self harm. (We think i may be on the spectrum.) His family thinks im garbage even tho ive earned more than him over the course of our relationship

I love your mindset, your fantastic and I wish you, hubby and future bubbas the very best xxx

@@fe5018 ooh I completely forgot about my name! You're right hahah, I'm happy that made you laugh 😂

😂

Dentists in my case are bound to roast you for all your worth-

lmao

@@CupcakeBla iconic coincidence

Hopefully it will get easier soon for him and for you guys, too. There is so much grieving and adjusting in a situation like that it takes time for everyone. I still have trouble with this once in a while, though.

you have a lovely family ❥(^_^)

My dad is currently experiencing this too, except for the apologizing and the thanking.

this is wonderful. Hope you two have a wonderful life! :-D

Any music rec please?

Preach!!! 🙌

nuviamor yeah, her smirk got me

@@jirahjashmiermacalino7556 It was a good smirk. (It spread through the screen to my face.)

Lol! Yes... saw that too 😏

Haha yes! She’s clearly off to teach Claudia what it means 😂

😂😂😂

ك

Haha yes

i read your comment right at 3:27

Can I just say that in primary school I had a disabled best friend and this was our catch phrase "can I take you out?" "on a date?"

I am so glad that someone said this. Nothing is completely equal, even if we try to make it so.

But valid. 😅

she's so cute!!! uwu 💕✨

Same with the scene in full house when Becky is giving birth and Jesse is making a fuss😂

@@lizziebethh Didn't Jesse have apendicitis?

For a moment I thought they were laughing out of sheer excitement about watching TV shows together 😂 then I realized lol

timestamp please?

@@cheesecakelasagna Very end 15:43

DaemlichesStueck That’s the god damn worst. And seconding your last line like?? "I met a girl, I really like her" and maybe an "oh also she has a few health issues, notably this and this"

I'm also bi and I joke that my wheelchair is the best form of contraception because of the amount of times I've heard "no, I just don't think that I could date someone like you" like dude I'm a wheelchair user not an alien!

Lol same here. Why are somr straight men like that??

I think some guys assume that if their partner is not able-bodied other people are going to think that the guy is undesirable because he couldn't attrach a more conventional partner. That and in our society men are not generally praised for be nurturing or kind the way that women are which could make them uncertain about taking on any kind of caretaker role, something I think they assume they'd have to do if they're able-bodied and their partner is not. It's fucked up no matter the reason though.

Deaf straight guy here. I've heard the same thing from straight women too... 🤷‍ So much so that I've stopped trying to date after 20 years alone. No point in torturing myself by being constantly rejected.

Mine pretty much says that. Plus that I'm an outspoken feminist. Because I have less interest in dealing with bigots than I do with remaining single forever.

I loosely said I had a number permanent health issues in the 'need to know before going on a date' section and sprinkled throughout the bio. On our first date I brought the subject up with my partner, who’d been quietly curious as he had read my profile thoroughly, and he is always so happy to work with me when I have pain problems and dysfunctional organs/joints from my EDS. (And the help can be anything from helping me put joints back to simply doing housework in my place when I’m not up to it.)

Also, if a couple is focusing a lot on what the exact percentage breakdown is of how much each person contributes....that's not a healthy relationship.

I love your analogy, where the disabled partner is using 100% of their energy to do 25% of the total amount work. It is a lovely way to look at it, instead of measuring outcomes, you measure effort, dedication.

Yes! And like even able bodied people have different strengths and things they’re better at or enjoy more. Like I enjoy doing the cleaning in the kitchen but my partner does the laundry and it’s not like there’s a certain percentage of what each of us is doing

Some things you don’t forget no matter how bad your memory. Source: my brain

I always amaze myself with the things that stick. I equally amaze myself with the things I forget lol I still have stress dreams about forgetting my school schedule the week of finals.

She had like 70 of them I'd understand why she would really remember the date who the one who stuck around.

When something is emotional it makes it harder to forget.

Marshall A. Yea there are different areas for different memories, long term, short term, emotional ones, so they are stored in more places the more the memory lights up different parts of the brain.

Sam Markby Heeear you on that! Lol

Yeah, people always assume an abled partner performs more care in a relationship. But, especially in relationships that aren't very good (which, unfortunately, too many disabled folks are in as we don't always realise we deserve better than that), disabled partners often perform huge amounts of care, particularly emotional labour, for their abled partners. People really don't recognise how much we do, they just assume everything is done for us.

lmao s a m e

I would so love to hear Jessica read bedtime stories! I would fall asleep in a happy state because her voice is so musical.

I agree, and I often tell my limits pretty early - in both friendly and romantic relationships. Although I see it like it's at least as much like it's _their flaw_ (not being able to cope with my illness/disability) as it is "mine", however, if our _levels of coping_ with these things are very different, then it would be quite bad odds trying to start a relationship. And to that, it isn't necessarily true that "I am the good but disabled one, and that person is bad", because that person could be "better"/more "mature" in other ways that I am not. So what I mean is that people not wanting/being able to cope with my difficulties doesn't have to mean that they are devils and the ones who do are automatically angels. BUT - telling anyone "Wow, that person _must_ be an angel for being with you" - as in the examples given in and under this video - is simply _damn rude_ 😅

If you think about it being in a relationship with a disabled person takes a certain level of maturity and, despite whatever age someone might be, they as you said may not be equipped and in that case there's two types, the ones willing to try to adapt to an unusual situation and the ones unwilling. If they're unwilling I don't hate them for it, and am glad they aren't wasting my time. I'm not looking for a shallow thing to get into if I'm hunting a serious minded person. Getting involved with me doesn't mean jumping into a mud puddle...more like the ocean...and I realize that. It makes things hard sometimes, but you really only want the ones in it to win it to stick around anyway. I don't get offended...more disappointed in some ways than anything but I never hate them for it. So many want everything but are willing to give nothing in return. And some are so hung up on everything being perfectly balanced all the time...real, lasting relationships don't work that way. Sometimes you have to give more sometimes they do, and other times vice versa. When dating ppl with significant disabilities or chronic illnesses this fact of frequent flux must remain a fluid thing bc so many parameters are constantly changing. One needs someone who can roll with the punches and adapt as needed. If they love you and are willing then that's awesome....if they're not...don't waste time mourning or being bitter just keep going til you find what you seek.

I don't know. When you first meet someone, you don't love them so a lot of people rejecting disabled people are probably just shallow maybe?

WritingSchiozo101 it might be, but it might also be fair and ok that they know their limitations of what they can deal with. I would be a very challenging person to be in a relationship with, and if I met someone with the same issues as me, I can’t imagine I could handle that. I don’t think that makes me or someone else shallow, just realistic. A lot of people definitely are “scared” of disabilities though and really don’t know how it would impact them to date someone with whatever disability, and are just shallow and ignorant in wanting to run from it.

Even while being disabled myself, it’s hard to have a disabled friend or partner. My best friend’s condition is always changing and it is absolutely terrifying. It is not something that is easy to make peace with.. Not everyone is mentally capable of coping with the fact that the person they love will be in a lot of pain, and also may die prematurely due to their condition. That doesn’t make it the disabled person’s fault of course. I’d say nearly most people reject us for shallow reasons, tho being with a disabled person definitely doesn’t make them an angel but. Yeah It is a very hard thing. Either way, the right people will find us eventually 💜

That's a tough combination. Even one of those alone can be tough, let alone all three. I hope you have worthy friends by your side.

@@MiljaHahto Thank you, you're very kind

Hi, Maria. I'm not quite sure I have any advice I can give you, but I wanted to say that I hope you're doing okay.

Yeah that was so funny! Jessica obviously knows exactly what it means. 😏

Like anyone having a truly fitting and good partner would not be lucky! Irregardless of disability or ability...

Are you okay?

@@mcarts4722 Guck no, I have bipolar and chronic pain issues and I get confused a lot. I'm also morbid as heck, and I've written my girlfriend a long series of poetry where I call myself the boy with no skin, and her the girl with a castle on her back. I've got a good relationship though. Think Gomez and Morticia. (I'm Morticia.)

@@TheGrinningViking Damn, I wish I had somebody to write me morbid poetry lmao.

@@TheGrinningViking I always wanted that kind of Adam's family relationship. But if you're the more broken one, you're probably Gomez, because Morticia is the rock of that family and is the most stable one there

@@msjkramey But I me and Morticia both wear a dress more often! It's not a perfect analogy, granted 😉

I know this is old, but thank goodness she's not your carer anymore.

And mental health support may be harder than physical.