Forget femme lesbians, the new term is fragrant lesbians

jessica: *gets a hate comment* jessica: "let's make a 26:36 minute long uplifting and educational video on the concept of self-worth"

Dear Jessica - I'm 67, have a broken back and mild EDS, divorcing my emotionally abusive partner of 22 years, 7 1/2 years married, selling our 10 room house, fled to another town - unpacking my things this week into a one bedroom apartment. I was kicking myself about not being able to unpack for more than a couple of hours. Came to the place I am staying until the apartment became available. Then I found this video of yours. It helped me see that I am enough. Thank you. - Rej

Dont feel bad about having to spread filming out over multiple days Jessica, it just means we get to see more of your cute outfits

“Why does our right to live hang on if other people benefit from our existence?” MIC DROP

There are a lot of cross-stitch worthy quotes in this video.

“Look, honey, people will judge you wherever you are in life” Jesus Christ it felt like she was talking directly to me- I nearly cried

Fun fact: Originally the phrase “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” was intended to ridicule the idea that one could pull oneself out of bad circumstances simply by one’s own efforts with no help or resources from anyone else by pointing out how impossible is is to raise yourself up by pulling on your own bootstraps. So basically it meant the complete opposite of what we understand it to mean today! “Meritocracy” was also coined in a book that was ridiculing the idea that society was arranged according to merit and that in fact even if a society considers itself to be meritocratic it is the most privileged that still end up on top.

✨disabled lesbian anarchist disney princess✨ I teared up

"Triumphing over adversity is not an aesthetic" YESSSSS QUEEEEENNNN

My idea of a “good day” is one where I’m not stressed or in pain. It also involves a lovely cup of tea

"Please don’t discount hardships you’re going through because you don’t fit what you’ve been told is the ‘typical’ presentation of a disabled person or because you don’t ‘look sick’ or because you know people who are ‘worse off’ than you. It is completely fine to feel your feelings" Gonna go cry now.

What Bob Ross is to painting, Jessica is to coping with capitalistic society

"You deserve to relax when you're feeling good, too." Me, licking peanut butter off a spoon because I've been too tired to put an actual meal together for weeks, typing with my other hand so I can try to keep up with my 9-to-5 job: "OH GOD, DO I?"

As a straight, white guy for "fun", I watch videos of other interesting people in highly different environment situations that I'm in, in an attempt to be a more informed and understanding person. Thank you for these videos. They actually mean alot to me.

One thing that’s always stuck with me, is when I went to Japan with my friends I kept trying to ignore my EDS, and just wanted to keep walking and see everything. But on my birthday we were walking around Nijo castle and I just couldn’t walk anymore but body just stopped. So we went to the tea shop there (which we wouldn’t have stopped at ordinarily) for me to rest and I got an incredibly tasty flight of sake. Then that evening we were supposed to go to the ramen shop but there was no way I was going to be able to walk there, so we went to a small inn around the corner from where we were staying. There was only one man in there and he was already well into a giant bottle of sake. He decided that he wanted to talk with us even though he didn’t know much English and we didn’t know much Japanese. The owner did try to help translate, but what ended up happening was a hilarious game of charades trying to communicate and then he bought us all sake. It’s easily one of the best birthdays of my life and wouldn’t have happened without hEDS. I try to remind myself of this day whenever I’m getting down on myself for having a disability.

The irony of "BOOTSTRAPS" saying: it was originally a phrase meant to say how impossible it is to do something. Have you actually tried to pull yourself up by your shoelaces? It's not possible.

Sitting here in America unable to afford a psychiatrist, and being unable to work because of mental health issues. It’s a hellish cycle. I can’t work until I get help, and I can’t afford help without working.

As a kid and teenager, I thought accepting people as they are was just. . .standard. As I became an adult, I realized this was not the case.

I've several teachers and school nurses say I probably have ADHD but i cant know for sure because ive never been diagnosed. My parents have literally said that ADHD is an excuse for "soft" parents to excuse their children's bad behavior, and that we live in an era where parents diagnose their children with "fake problems" instead of "disciplining them like they should." When I was im elementary school and had to read with my parents, rather than on my own, if I read any words wrong, I was told that I was doing it wrong on purpose, because "no one could actually be that stupid," but I really tried my hardest to read correctly, so my brain defaulted to ' well then, I guess I'm just that stupid.' It also taught me to value reading every word perfectly correctly more than the entire text, so often I am so focused on reading every word spot on, I completely forget what i am reading, and have to go back over each sentence several times, and by that time im already thinking of something else. Jessica's videos have really gotten me out of the backwords mindset that ive grown up with. Thank u jessica for being cool.

"Sod that for a load of bananas!" I'm not British so maybe that's why, but this is my favorite saying I've never heard before.

“A video to save and come back to when you need it.” Me: *immediately saves the video into my “crying” playlist...*

For 21 years, my mother has told me how lazy I am, how I'm not even trying... She knows I'm autistic and depressed and yet she can't seem to comprehend what that means!

Went bright red when she mentioned writing things on a to do list you've already done, just so you can cross them off. Aha.

"More disabled than you know" the collective of neuro-divergent women that suffered under men centric model and not diagnosed and ignored as children. Raise hands. Extra truma for those that were bought up in toxic emotional abusive families🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️ Seriously important video. Xx

Okay, I cried. As a bipolar II + bordeliner disorder + extremely allergic person who cannot stay around somethings/products/people and is called "weak" because of it all, so many things hitted home. I'm, for now, stuck in a job that is bellow my level of education and experience just because the pandemic made me go jobless and every single day i feel in my bones that i may never reach what i want. Thank you for your words, Jessica. You made my day and whole world a lot better than you can think. I hope all this good energy that you put in the world comes back to you in a million times stronger and that you may find a lof of happiness, puff dresses and an endless suply of diet coke.

Chronic fatigue is so much fun. My husband still thinks I’m just being lazy when I can’t make it through the day. I was diagnosed a few months ago. I am over being called lazy and useless.

I just wanted to comment that people who are able to “pull all nighters” and “work 80+ hours a week” are still hurting themselves. Not only is this horrible to your mental wellbeing, but also can lead to you being less productive overall. All-nighters might give you the knowledge to pass the exam, but not give you retention of that knowledge, so when you need that knowledge again, you have to go back and relearn it. Sure you worked 80 hours per week, but how much is actually getting done? How much of that time goes to coffee or other stimulants to keep you awake or to redoing work that’s not up to standard due to it being done while sleep-deprived and stressed? It has a physical effect as well. Not only has chronic sleep deprivation been linked to Alzheimer’s in later life, but it combined with chronic stress have also been linked to cardiac conditions such as heart disease. So pacing yourself and taking care of your needs are essential not only for your wellbeing but to be the most productive YOU personally can.

Honestly I really want to send this to my boyfriend, because he's _constantly_ berating himself (not other people though) for not being "productive enough"... But he's not disabled, so I'm pretty sure he would just dismiss it all as not applying to him, like _he_ deserves to have his worth judged based on his productivity just because has no specific reason for not being productive...

I had a heart surgery as a kid and was supposed to be on 50% of normal P.E. curriculum in primary school (age 7 to 15 in Croatia). My P.E. teacher, however, ignored that for two years. Not wanting to have any bad grades since I wanted to get to a good school to be able to get in faculty of medicine later on, I applied to badminton to get on his good side. However, along with a mess of a heart I also have flat feet and my right leg is shorter then my left, therefore it is weaker and prone to injury-I ended up badly spraining my knee at the age of 13. However, not wanting to disappoint my teacher, I went back to badminton next year. And guess what happened? I messed my knee up even more, injuring my patellar and fibular collateral ligaments. My doctor straight up forbade me to go back to badminton. At the and od the year, my teacher straight up Said that my doctor is an idiot and called me a quitter telling 'Well if *insert famous sportsperson Here* can get back on their feet, how can you not?" Last year, during practice (I gotbinto faculty of medicine, I finished year 4, yay), I was told by a mentor, a surgeon, that the type of injury I had often doesn't heal properly, especially in individuals with even the most mild underlying conditions (such as one leg being 7mm shorter) and even more so in those who are not athletic. So yeah...my knee still hurting occasionally, and me being unable to perform badminton is NOT my fault. Neither is my doctor an idiot. Long story short, I messed up my knee FOR LIFE (yes it still hurts 10 years later, I started wearing an elastic bandage a while ago because it's acting up again) because I was a child trying to impress an idiot teacher that I'm good enough since he refused to believe I actually needed different treatment. Sorry for a long comment. I'm really bad at summarizing. Edit: some spelling stuff and I realized I somehow mixed up cruciate and colateral ligament while revizing anatomy. I wrote peviously I injured my cruciat ligament but it was actually colateral.

"Have I turned into an anarchy channel?" Absolutely and I love you for it, my favourite fragrant lesbian!

I struggle with "invisible" disabilities, such as Bipolar Disorder, ADHD, an eating disorder, fibromyalgia and pcos as well as a background littered with trauma. It's taken me such a long time to even slightly introduce the (radical) idea of self worth, love and acceptance to my own mind. Thank you for making this video and for doing the amazing work that you do!

Today just got better

every time you said "honey" or "darling" i teared up a little :( it makes me so emotional EVERY TIME i hear it because my family is,,, kinda trash ngl so ive just decided you're my internet mum ✨

"You deserve to relax when you're feeling good too" I'm gonna need to repeat that to myself a few thousand times

Jessica explaining the follies of capitalism in her beautiful voice is everything 💜

I have an invisible disability, even my own family sometimes don't understand that I cannot keep up and I feel poorly every day- I just don't show it much because I'm used to it.

When Jessica calls us "Darling" it just hits different.

I just came here from Contrapoints and idk how I never noticed the similarity of sarcastic truth spilling between Natalie’s and Jessica’s videos all served in an elegant package. Icons, the both of them

"I'm actually a very fragrant lesbian" I'm living 🤣🤣🤣🤣 yes girl!!

I am autistic, but I wasn;t diagnosed until I was 30, so growing up I felt totaly broken and was often called lazy and unmotivated when I was actually exhuasted and over stimulated... Also I measure my 'success' in life by how many video game achievements I can get, as that is way more fun than staring at walls while lying immobile in bed because I can't do anything when I'm not painfiully dragging myself out of bed to work...

I clicked immediately because I absolutely needed to hear this as I am still coming to terms with my disabilities and the limitations that I can no longer just ignore. It's continually harder to keep those productivity = worth social measurements from impacting my self confidence and self worth, but hearing more people who have the same experiences is so wonderful and reassuring that I'm not alone in these everyday obstacles. Thank you for always having the best content!💜💜

“And no one’s opinion of you really matters except your own. And possibly mine- and I think you’re brilliant!” 💖 I think you’re brilliant too, Jessica!

Saved this for when I was feeling bad. After crying for two days I remembered my beautiful lesbian anarchist Disney Princess.

The most frustrating part of being invisibly disabled is when people I've just met say "What do you do?", my answer is "Well, I'm disabled, so I don't work". Then there's that awkward silence where they don't know what to say next. But honestly? I don't either, lol. I used to feel so much shame over this, telling people I'm disabled. I don't anymore (well, most of the time, lol), as it's been 15 years and I've realized that this is the result of our productivity culture. We ask "What do you do?", and think it's the same thing as "Who are you?" But, it's why I got more in the habit of asking all about them, because there's just not that much to tell about me. Most people aren't comfortable when I say "I had such a good day that I was able to take a shower!" 😂 Maybe when that awkward silence happens, I should just say "It's ok if you're uncomfortable. It's not something that comes up a lot. We can talk about it if you have questions." Anyone else know how to deal with this?

I am my own worse enemy, because I push myself too far, but if others do it I am like "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

"Copy pasting a Disabled person overcoming a specific hardship whilst editing out the systemic issues they are oppressed by, is not only patronising. It's dishonest". Words to repeat to myself when I feel like I'm useless.

I needed to hear this. Just had an emergency gallbladder removal because a doctor finally believed my pain and here I am beating myself up about not doing the dishes.

"back to my trauma though-" i CACKLED IM SORRY- i felt that one ✨

“you deserve to relax when you’re feeling good too” that’s going on my vision board...

“I genuinely have no idea what straight white men do for fun. Sorry. The movies say you like golf?”

"you deserve to relax when you're feeling good too" I what????? ;-; cool I'm crying

This was a huge thing that popped up in my negative self talk during my darkest periods- that I was useless because I couldn't reach most of my set goals. I still deal with it from time to time. It may be silly, but the thing that most consistently breaks me out of it is to think about how much I love my cats. Practically, my cats serve no purpose. They've never caught any pests, they would be useless in the case of an emergency, and they're not even consistent when it comes to companionship because sometimes they just don't feel like hanging out with me. Yet, I still love them and hold their lives to be inherently valuable. If cats can be considered so lovable and worthwhile even when they qualify as "useless," why should I be considered any differently?

"You absolutely beautiful soul." Who? Me? I have a beautiful soul. *proceeds to blush for the first time in weeks for any other reason than random allergic reaction*

Thank you for this. My first failed suicide attempt was when I was 8 years old because I kept being judged by the standards of abled people and I KNEW something was wrong. My second failed attempt was when I was 12 for the same reasons. My third attempt after I had worked so fucking hard to gain an education and be able to work was stolen from me when all the pushing society did on me WAY past my limits wrecked my health permanently. When people ask me what I do for a living, I won't even say I'm on disability but that I'm "medically retired" and change the subject.

THANK YOU!!! Being a child with very athletic successful brothers, I would often faint when the heat was a bit much and why wasn't I TRYING in athletics. My diagnosis, of EDS and later early onset arthritis, well too late for anyone to apologize....ggggrrrrrrr....also the "rah rah rah" bit is seen more than ever now. My cousin believes (he's in health care) that the virus will be just culling out those that aren't productive. (He's off my Christmas list!)

As an able-bodied person, I feel useless all. the. time. I can't fathom the way people with disabilities must feel.

Although I don't have a physical disability, I have anxiety and depression which often makes me feel guilty about not doing enough when I feel low, which makes me feel worse and do less and end up in a vicious cycle, so this was a great video for me. Thank you

New favorite phrase: "Sod that for a load of bananas!" There should be a mug.

"productive towards what exactly?" HOLY SH*T my mind is BLOWN. I'm gonna challenge myself with this whenever I tell myself I have to be productive

Sad thing is though, that school teaches you to think exactly in that mindset, because if you aren't productive you're not gonna get you homework done, and when you finally do get it done, surprise: there is new homework. As a student, for me this results in constatly feeling bad/uneasy and never allowing myself to spend time with friends because I feel I should be using it to do homework/ get through my final year. And honestly I don't know how to stop feeling this way🤷‍♀️ Maybe some of you can relate idk

Don't you love the unexplained symptoms, disbelief and lack of research. I know I do 😅🤦‍♀️

Thank you for this. I dropped out of college, and at the time I felt a failure and everyone seemed so let down. (I mean I'm smart and was honour roll in secondary school) But I now know I was beginning to really feel the effects of undiagnosed schizophrenia. The push to work harder even drove me to break from reality, and even still my smarts fooled those around me into thinkin I could do anything.

"Wanna swap bodies and see?" oh my gosh, this is something I think ALL THE TIME.

As someone who has multiple disabilities (including HNPP) many of which weren’t diagnosed until i was a late teen, just broke my foot at work and is now on admin leave from her social work job, having her work looked at under a fine tooth comb that might get me fired..... this video honestly may have saved my life. I can’t thank you enough Jessica. ❤️❤️

I've been coming to terms with an autism diagnosis at 31 years old. I've only been able to work two part time jobs in my life so far. This video brought me to tears and I truly appreciate you posting it.

Whenever I read a piece of inspo porn, I ask silently, how do they afford all the care they get? Or say, how nice that they have parents/partners/communities that support them? So many variables....

Re: Pushing your limits - I have many many post-its on my wall reminding me of healthy living habits (capitalistic and ableist conditioning is hard to undo, ok?) and one of my favourites came to me when I was trying to get healthy by working out more. I was stuck in the same old cycle of "push hard, crash, spend four days in bed recovering, repeat" when I suddenly realized... *You Can't Push Your Limits if You Don't Know Them*. So sure, if you feel like there's a part of your life you want to improve, fucking go for it, fam. But don't assume that pushing hard is always the right answer. Your limits are yours, and they're real, and they won't change if you don't respect them for what they are.

As someone with adhd, this means so much to hear 🥺

"I used to beat myself up because I thought 'Why is my body doing such things?' and then I got diagnosed with a separate illness and then it made sense" Same. I was diagnosed as autistic, but now my psychiatrist suspects ADHD as well and I recently learned that I also have a lot of trauma that I'm dealing with.

I've stuffed with this for a a long time, recently my therapist and I discussed the possibility that I'm on the autism spectrum. This diagnose gives such a deep relief. I've always tried so hard and end up burning out so hard. I always thought there was something wrong with me because I couldn't manage what others seem to do with ease. I'm learning to be gentle and kinder with myself.

Really needed to hear this, I've gradually become disabled over the last 2 years with Fibro, EDS & likely POTS. I'm no longer able to work more than roughly 10 hours a week and am struggling to get my head around the concept that I won't be able to have the career that I expected (was studying nursing), or anything close to it. I've been scared that I'll eventually die feeling dissatisfied that I haven't achieved anything substantial or made any impact. This was very reassuring, I'll keep coming back to this when feeling overwhelmed about things, thank you!

ADHD treatment isn't ADHD friendly. How to ADHD. I recomend that people watch that too. "Seeing yourself as useless makes you more useless." "Not being enough." "Discussing the systems, not just the person. "How frustrating and hearbreaking it can be to be guilted for not having access to help, struggling to get help, it being your fault."

I have multiple Chronic Illnesses as well and grew up in the hospital. I also adore vintage (1920s-1940s) and I needed to hear this right now. Thank you so much!

As a disabled, mentally ill, non binary teenager going through exams, this is one of my favourite videos, thank you so much Jessica

one of my professors once told me: "you know, you're a really nice person. it's a shame that that's not gonna get you anywhere in life." (which isn't true by the way. being "a really nice person" got me better grades at school because most of the teachers liked me. I'm at a different school now though, while applying for jobs. again being a nice person helps me a lot when it comes to job interviews.)

You're a, what we call in Brazil, "fada sensata" (something like a wise fairy)

actually, exactly yesterday I was discussing these things with my therapist AND today I slept for 16 hours and hate my body for this, because I feel like my spiraling health is my personal failure. (Partially it's because my chronic illnesses are not labeled as 'disabilities' by the local health system)

I feel useless and worthless all the time, and it feels like everything and everyone around me just confirms it. Thank you for reminding me it's okay that some days are unproduced and just about survival

me: understands the good points being made and how I should try to apply them to my self my brain fog ridden lizard brain : SHiny HaIR!

The way this made me cry.... A family crisis has made me become exceedingly less productive at work and I've been beating myself up about it. So a video like this was so needed.

Build 👏accessibility 👏into👏everything! This is the greatest good. All of us (at some point) will need this for our selves or our loved ones. My mom has had hearing loss for the past 35 years. Experiencing the world with her has made me aware how many things we could be doing as a society but haven’t “ bothered” to. 😡 for better support. Shout out to public entities and services with good visuals and signage. Food, cuddles and a squishy bed. My cat teaches me this every day.

Marx: **sneaks look at Jessica’s work** ...which I mean as a sincere compliment

A video from a posh-sounding, very fragrant lesbian with the right amount of make-up being full of wonderful sentiments. What's not to love? Thank you for making this!

"You dont seem like that fits you" a doctor said when i tell them about my autistic diagnosis i had to fight for because im afab.

The productivity thing is hard for me. I always feel like I'm walking a tightrope between being overly self-indulgent/coddling myself, vs making myself miserable for no good reason. Like when I'm debating if I'm feeling unwell enough to miss class (not helped by the fact that pushing myself may leave me feeling better. Or a lot worse, who knows!). Productivity isn't a good value in itself, but I want to pack as much growth and adventure and love in my life as I can....

"Disabled people have the right to chill as well!!" favorite quote omg

One of the things that is difficult for me to explain to people is that when I'm "relaxing" I'm rarely ACTUALLY relaxing, I just don't happen to be in motion. The hardest thing for me to deal with is my lack of energy. I want to do so much more than I get around to doing.

socioeconomic status is something that is rarely talked about in the disabled community !! i'm poor, and i've always been below the poverty line. despite living in a country that has universal healthcare, the only reason I can get my medication is because my dad is on disability benefits (which took years to get on after he stopped working which,,, was traumatizing). I've been told that I'm not "trying" to get better because I'm not trying every medication and aid and therapy available but,,, I can't afford that?? I'm just trying to survive lmao. (Also: is this my fourth comment? Yes. Am I sorry? Only a little)

I have some sort of issue with constant low or lack of energy and nobody believes me. Because I'm an able bodied young adult, there's no reason for anyone to take me seriously (not even parents or doctors or anyone), so clearly I'm just lazy and making it up, right? I doubt myself too, a lot of the time. I just wish anyone at all would believe me enough to actually look into it, so I could finally find some sort of a solution and stop being "lazy", but that seems unlikely to ever happen.

Thank you for this video. A few years ago when my chronic illness overtook me & I was forced to stop working, I basically had an identity crisis because I was raised by my parents & the culture I was surrounded by to believe that my value as a person was based on how productive I was & how much I 'contributed to society' in the form of gainful employment. 5 yrs later, I still struggle with it from time to time but remind myself that I contribute in other ways via raising my daughter to be a kind, empathetic person & creating cross stitch pieces for people to brighten their lives, even if only a bit. It is incredibly difficult to overcome that way of thinking when it's driven into us from such an early age.

The *ding* and the 'Some Such Tosh' mug with knowing smile really made me grin.

“Triumphing over adversity is not an aesthetic.” 🙌

I really needed this video right now, I keep seeing ads on TV that feature either Venus or Serena Williams and this new migraine drug and it just kills me. 'If they can do all that with migraines why can't I leave the house?' I just. The last lines of this video especially helped. "You don't need to suffer to be successful." Thank you.

I don't think anyone has made drinking with a straw that classy, ever

I come here to hear you say things like "tosh." I feel most useless when I've been unable to do basic tasks like tie my shoes or wash my hair. Fortunately, I've had help but it still gets me down when it happens. I also feel useless when I feel that others don't value me or need me. That perception feels like my fault too. The lack of ability just adds to the underlying insecurity.

This video came out an amazing time because last night my mom went on a rant about how I am completely useless to her and everyone else with my conditions. I haven’t watched it yet but I already wanted to thank you

I 'failed ' maths GCSE and am dealing with needing to retake in November as well as having to deal with school during covid. I really needed this.

I have always been the girl that downplayed my own struggles in order to be less of an inconvenience. But I’m slowly learning that it isn’t okay for me to do that to myself, my problems aren’t an inconvenience and I deserve to feel good just as much as the next person.

Taking a break from trying to dig my way out from under a messy apartment that would be at home on an episode of Hoarders (godx I hate that show) to watch this. I'm still learning to live with my disabilities, and learning to advocate for myself. All of mine are invisible disabilities, at least until I have a screaming meltdown, or am in so much pain that I can't walk and I'm sobbing. The people who are literally being paid to help me just tell me to try harder. Except I'm trying as hard as I can and still need help that I'm not getting. Ok, this wasn't supposed to be a rant, but what I'm getting at is these videos are super helpful as I try to navigate a world literally built to make things harder for people like me, and you. Thank you.