The truth is, It is vital to not take anything ' personal ' with them, as nobody is inside them in the first place. Narcissists don’t know how to love; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissists value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. Loads of them brag about being a good parent and seek compliments for that only to hide their masks... When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing... They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have close personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain.. .. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection., . And, Moreover, if you think They are the one that 'made' you feel then you're still under their control/spell, you're still wrapped up in their neverending inner delusions/dar-kness, and you learned nothing. Truth is, you were loving YOURSELF the entire time you were interacting with them as they were doing nothing more than mirroring you, as there is nobody inside them in the first place, therefore there was nobody for you to love but yourself (as they themselves are incapable of true empathy/love). Stating that they made you feel is like saying an empty robot made you feel, or an empty soda can made you feel. And in the same way it's completely ridiculous to think a Narc made you feel anything...As they were doing nothing more than mirroring you in the beginning. Based on a lie and you cannot truly feel for lies. They are completely incapable of processing their emotions, they don't know how to. And that is why when you state that you love them they greatly resent it, they turn you into an enemy and play their games. Because inside they ask themselves- " how can you possibly love this ? ' Unless you get over these massive hurdles and understand the bigger picture of Universal spiritual truths in your relationships then you will never be the truly empathic powerful loving spirit being you truly are to love the world/heal the world. .. Much love !..

This is the most important interview on the internet.

Watching your videos gave clarity to that 'thing' I was living with this man, at my 45, an independent woman like me, being stuck with that man. I didn't know what it was! Watching you gave me the strength and decisiveness to end it, finally. Athens,Greece

Very clear analysis of the global society and a great point - to start to prepare for the changes that are going on, not pretend to solve them

Fantastic show! I am a Brazilian and British citizen living in UK for 20 years now and your videos popped up as a time I was searching for narcissistic behaviours since I had found out the individual I was married in the past showcased most of the traits studied on the subject.

This is the best thing I ever saw but I need to tell u Haiti is a very powerful place. Struggle always generates intelligence regardless if whether it’s associated w institutional power or status, especially Haiti.

One of the most captivating interviews.

This is a fantastic interview. I sent it to my pastor to use in an upcoming sermon to educate the congregation.

Michael is asking the questions that have been nagging in my consciousness.

Sam is the boss.

Can you imagine a world where each individual believes they had the power and control to make their life their own? It would be Revolutionary…

Outstanding job with this interview Dr. Sam. Thanks for helping so many people learn about themselves and others . The value of learning to understanding these traits cannot be overstated.

Wow, so much hope, love it...Live Fae💞☀️🧚‍♀️🍄⚜️

The bit about everything is an object is the breakdown to the complete end on lack is sacred. Nothing sacred. Make yourself feel the best you can, follow finding joy, when you find it do. more of it, go slow and steady

Hello, I’m amazed and also shocked at the same time. I couldn’t understand what you meant by “ channeling narcissism” , before watching this interview. Now i have a clearer picture in my mind about it. Thanks professor.

Sam your description of current basis of cultures problems is 💯...imo...your solution seems like an intelligent response....it needs the kind of discussion going on between you both here...i love this video....wise insightful service to humanity, while giving attention of the right kind to two deserved guys... thank you both!! thank you, thank you ❤🙏🙏🙏🔥🔥🔥🔥

Looking forward to the next interview 👍

The best interview I’ve seen!!!

My take away from this is stop expecting the adults ie politicians and leading narcissists to pull us out of armagedden whilst pouting in the mirror and slapping us down.

The second I decided to go no contact with the sickness that consumed my life, at away my childhood, the people that drove me into drugs to numb the pain. That made me fill like smoking a shotgun to silence the overwhelming feeling of homless abandon, I had a feeling I had been looking for for my whole life. It was the feeling of freedom religion had promised and failed to deliver.

IPCC official, Ottmar Edenhofer, speaking in November 2010: “But one must say clearly that we redistribute, de facto, the world's wealth by climate policy. … one has to free oneself from the illusion that international climate policy is environmental policy. Instead, climate change policy is about how we redistribute, de facto, the world’s wealth…” "This has almost nothing to do with environmental policy, anymore.” From Der Spiegel

Who faces a narcissistic and makes him/her stop? Everybody chooses survival. Facing a narcissistic is the most incredible experience in life, you see things you could never believe. It is like seeing the devil suffering

Brilliant ❤ thank you both for this powerful message 💯❤️💯

"Atomization, and no common denominators" is AWESOME. I am writing a term paper on this very phenomenon. I call this pronoun , fluid movement a deracination of society on a political level. People need beliefs and standards to help them find their personal and SUSTAINABLE identities (despite the inevitable interpersonal conflict)

Thanks for the work you're doing! I've enjoyed your psychology work for a while but I was truly impressed by the breadth of your knowledge in this video. I especially appreciated what you had to say about socialization in late-stage capitalism, and the commodification of attention. It very much reminds me of Christopher Lasch's work, and I wonder if you're familiar with George-Hans Moeller and his work on profilicity? He's really active on KZfaq and it'd be very interesting if you two ever had a conversation.

Very, very good societal take..... certain conflict situations come to mind as well...meaning which culture is the arch victim....

Vaknin rocks here! Kol ha kavod!👏👏

I’ve thought about the same thing Sam is talking about. I’ve thought how evolution and extinction are really two extremes on the same spectrum, one lead by cooperation and one by competition. Competing with your environment until you ‘win’ and there’s no more environment to compete with, or cooperating with your environment to reach a higher degree of evolution. We are not really in a position that is too big to fail but a position that will fail because it is too big.

I wanted to ask, "How do we get rid of the plague of narcissistic behaviors that serve no one & make all society suffer needlessly & uselessly!", because this is a quite a problem & I have no assurance that this is even possible at all, especially the spiritual materialism of the "New Age", & such, & also "How do we DEFEND ourselves from narcissism?", because collectively life on earth is living with children!

Thanks for the enlightening conversation. I am here because I was in a series of narcissistic relationships, trying to find answers to their behaviors, have more knowledge about narcissism. This conversation is more than what I was looking for. I feel it’s so accurate Dr. Sam V. in his observations towards different cultures and the trends, as I have lived and worked in Asia, Europe, and the US. And I think we have to have a mindset how to cope with narcissists and narcissism in the nowadays society, it is everywhere… more than often I feel devastated by their behaviors, however there were times I was astonished by their energy and drives. Some I want to get away as far as I can, some I feel they cannot simply be described as good or bad (but better not in a romantic relationship), much more complicated than that… so I think maybe the right question to ask is how to adapt if it is phenomenal, how to have our needs or goals meet in a wise and healthy way, how to avoid the too toxic people and culture in advance or in an early stage, how to help channel their energy into a more constructive way under a mutual goal.

Prof. Vaknin, I'm interested in the creative process of making art, and it seems to me that creation of any kind contains, in the beginning at least, introversion, or "regression of the libido," as Jung called it. You stated that the regression of libido is a narcissistic "strategy". Besides, you also said that narcissism is "fantasy defense gone awry" and that narcissists are, so to speak, immune to "cognitive dissonant thinking." Artists also heavily rely on fantasy (imagination); they also have the ability to endure paradoxes; their activity is solitaire (schizoid)... So my question is: Is making art a narcissistic activity? I suppose that many artists are narcissists, but could you be an artist and a healthy person without being a narcissist? Thank you.

Fucking brilliant. Thanks!

He pulled up in his car and tried pulling my daughter and I in physically.. It was a busy residential street and I sat on the floor with my young daughter and started to scream help!! He was totally stunned and confused and just got on the car and drove away.. until later, but it showed me he thought he knew how I would behave.. He had met the 0.1% of ppl that behave otherwise.

Oh man, I am part of the failed youth, 35 and living with my parents. And I blame it on narcisistic abuse😅😅🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

Michael shellenberger's emotionally manipulative and highly uninformed question 59:04 - 01:04:52 surrounding Affirmative Action absolutely MUST be as a result of some type of displaced contempt and/ or racism. I suspect when Sam suggested a societal reconciliation to acquiesce to the inevitable climate change, Michael got disappointed. That is likely the underlying motivation behind his defective secondary question. Notwithstanding, I'll help clarify . First and foremost, in the 1960s , the U S. Population of ethnic populace minorities vs. Euro-Americans( white) populace majority was 3 to 1. Meaning, for every 3 white Americans within the federal U.S. territory, there was 1, under-educated, grossly underpaid, economically oppressed disparate ethnic person. Affirmative action 🎬 and school integration was intended to not MONETIZE or pity blacks for years of oppression. It was and CURRENTLY is intended to prevent a ethnically driven systematic economic oppression in perpetuity as a result of a populace majority financial advantage. And so, to afford and or prefer any populace ethnic minority for a bank loan application for home buying, or scholarship for higher education, or favoring an employment application a female executive in a business vs. The legacy white male employment of higher paying positions is NOT A HAND OUT. It is an attempt to pre-empt economic homogenization. Put simply, diversify the economic gene pool. That said, with those types of populace statistics, it's mathematically and statistically impossible that cocaine influence throughout 60s 70s 80s etc was perpetuated within the populace ethnic majority by African Americans. There's quite simply not enough of them within the U. S . POPULATION. Super sorry , Michael but what you are describing is called an "attribution error. " BUT PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE , don't believe me, look up the Population statistics, economic growth rate, and Affirmative action effectiveness online for yourself. BTW, the welfare state of monetization in the U.S. represents less than 1cent of the U. S. Dollar.

I thought elon musk was a narcissist years ago. A relative of mine works at the giga factory in Austin. Management. They hate him. He hides when elons in the factory there.

It's just better not to drink that poison.

I've finally decided to seek psychotherapy after years of being delusional. My goal is to recover before the restraining order expires. Do you recommend Cbt, dbt or emdr? What's the most effective in your opinion?

The existential urge and discomfort that drives narcissism easily out-competes ordinary problem oriented projects that need Powerpoint presentations, entusiasm, resources and energy to survive and produce results. The discomfort turns on the second the sufferer wakes up and governs every word spoken until again at sleep. The urge is as fundamental as eating. If not served the priority the sufferer requires will have to ignore politeness, consequences and care for other people. The panic is neatly covered up by a sense of importance and entitlement. Virtue, blame and other camouflage techniques will make the problem look like any other great cause. It is not. It is as Sam Vaknin points out - Nuclear Power. Power of the same magnitude as when infants and small children negotiate for support by their parents - Non negotiable.

Hi Sam! How can you determine if someone can interact with external objects?

Can I coin the term Narcissist Culture Syndrome? Have at it, how wrong is this thought?

Those who dug the well; those who went down into the dirt each day in faith that they might find water; those who found water and lined the well with proper stone; those who made the rope and hung the bucket: they line up each day, with all who come to the well and they wait to take water. While they wait, conversations start up. This one, in front a few places, complains how long they waited yesterday; this one behind complains how there is nowhere to sit and what is to be done with the donkeys eating plastic; this one wishes the men would take their business elsewhere; this one hates to hear about the struggles of Job except he might strike the ground with his foot and a cool spring would gush forth; this one would like some help with a knitting pattern but can’t find any knitting companions; this one suggests a little group could meet later and maybe have coffee and tomatoes; this one is always shy and nobody knows why; this one has bruises and pushes; this one thinks the water stinks but they can’t be bothered going to another well because it is too far and the people there are dirty because they are different; this one is looking for a mate and yearns for an oasis with dates and figs and a pool to bathe in; this one has agoraphobia and sweats a lot; this one spies a welldigger and points at the well digger and issues orders to the well digger such that the well digger should pipe the water to people’s houses so they don’t have to suffer the indignity of this line of people wanting water; this group joins in and talks at length about how they were raised to tolerate others but this kind of line-up for water is just too much; this one was whipped in the capital city for just being alive and hides scars; this one has calculated that men are not needed at all if this well is all they can do; this one has worked out a formula of injustice that has a list of names; this one sees no reason to live and rushes into the desert howling; this one has brought a mongrel dog to defend them from secret fears; this one pants and faints and then dust flies and water is brought and the line reforms but some people have jumped places. The well diggers wait their turn and wonder when the rope will need replacing; and wonder what it will feel like going down the well next time

Did we. The boomers create this condition?