Two years ago I gathered only what fit in my car and a friend’s and I left my Narcissistic relationship of 12 years. I was a shell of my former self, so small, so afraid. I moved back to a part of Mexico where I had lived before. COVID descended and I went into isolation. Listened to a lot of videos on Narcissism. Now I am finally really working on healing. Thank you.

To anyone that might be reading this, I wish that whatever is hurting you or whatever you are constantly stressing about gets better. I sincerely wish everyone that happiness enters your hearts and let all the stress and sadness vanish out of your life...as you know nothing in life is ever easy, but what's important is that you keep going! you're worthy of love and happiness, never allow anyone to tell you otherwise! It can be extra hard sometimes but stay strong and hang in there, your life matters, no one can replace you, I'm thankful you're born and I'm sure your struggles will pass soon! Hang in there my friend 🙏 I wish all of you plenty of health and strength during these tough times. remember you are strong, you got this! never forget that! sending much love over towards all of you, May god or whatever you might believe in bless you the way you need it to! ♥️🌟

I have codependency. I have been lost and in denial until watching this. When I heard you say "Empty Vessel" it hit me like a ton of bricks. I am almost 64 years old, and my first thought is I am too late, but God immediately planted his words in my heart..."all things are possible for those who believe". I am going to strive to find me, to find the beauty of life from my own eyes before I die. It is my hearts desire. Thank you for the work you are doing and for making it available on the utube platform.

Narcissists lie to themselves. They have this idealized version of themselves in their head. But rather than striving to be that person, they need those around them to be their magic mirror on the wall to reflect their idealized version back to them so that they can believe that is who they are. Codependents ARE that mirror. For myself, I have used magical thinking to stay entwined with horrible people, like if I believe hard enough, he will one day BE that person.

I’m going to be 58 years old. I’m FINALLY getting it!!! I’m a codependent slave. THANK YOU for opening my eyes!!!!!!!!

I was Echo with my narcissist mother. She was my whole world but it was a hellish world. I had no self-identity. Thank God, I broke the curse.

Divorcing now after 13 years. He’s a covert narc but I still feel extreme pain and loss. I pray I look back one day and this has led to something better. Praying for all those out there

My mother was a narcissist. She definitely took it personally when her children tried to individuate.

So many of us were killed or are daily being killed by these narcissist ...😢 Thank you Rich

My main advantage of being a codependent was the fake feeling of "safety" that I gain in pleasing someone. When I didn't fawn when I was a child I was harassed, beaten and insulted but when I fawn I was "love" or in simple term I was treated nicely. Now I know that what I thought was love was in fact control so I associated authenticity as dangerous and codependency abuse as love

I deleted one of my comments because it wasn’t clear enough, my point was: I don’t think codependents, real codependents, are predators. And I don’t think we are “benefiting” in some way. My view is that we have a trauma response that exacerbates the need for “be part of” the family, the couple, etc. Deeply inside we still have that child begging “mama/daddy! See me! I am here! Please take me in account! Please stop the neglect! Please stop the abuse! I am lovable! I am ok! I swear!”. One of the many tools for recovery is to understand that the narcissist is NOT your daddy or mom, and that now you don’t have to beg anyone to love you or accept you, and working every day in accepting and loving YOURSELF. You are worth defending, you are worth caring, you are valuable, you have the right to your own feelings, you have the right to your own life, you have the right to detach from everyone and everything that is a disrespect to yourself, and doesn’t add well being to your life.

4 years free here! Healing is possible! Life gets so much better, I promise you. Going no contact was the best decision. You are worthy of love, kindness and respect. Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More" was helpful when I was in the depths of healing and pain. The silver lining is self love and healing from our childhood trauma as well.

Break every ties with the narcissist forever.

The woman at 1:25 is absolutely right. Cold showers stop the chatter, the mind that wants to fix things. The cold wakens the body, but also the inner Self. Over time, that self becomes stronger and actions become more and more naturally; true to the self. If you want a break from your overthinking mind, you will have to give this a try.

Something clicked in my head when I said out loud, ' no one's opinion of me matters cause they ain't paying my bills.'

And thank you Richard for all the help and insights. I have been struggling to get over the narc discard and joined coda to heal from my codependancy for 2 years now. I am 53 years old and hope to have some hapiness soon....Thank you 🙏💜

Hint: you will feel so selfish and narcissistic beginning to assert yourself and you'll worry that you're becoming a narc. It's a balance that you will be able to master.

I liked the part about giving yourself struggles. I get ridiculed for having a farm when there are perfectly good grocery stores within a reasonable distance. But i still milk goats, cows, and raise my own meat and veg. I've done it since I was a kid learning about how my grandparents struggled during war times. I've also raised my sons to this lifestyle, reminding them that when they grow up and move out they can choose to continue or do whatever they want. So far they appreciate the skills.. especially my youngest who is 14 and full of muscles. He became aware of how much girls appreciate all that during camp last summer lol It's just annoying that this lifestyle has produced two healthy young men, but people assume it's terrible because they have responsibility and work ethic. As opposed to vandalizing public property and doing drugs.... lord have mercy..

Wow I've never had it spelled out to me like this before, but I just went to my parents house but now realize why I get so angry everytime I go there. I always have sought my father's praise, my mother always tells me how great I am, yet I reject her words, and I quit everything I was good at twelve years ago to start farming so I could feed them, and have suffered as a servant in poverty trying to attain this assumption of that is what they need, yet the more I farm the less I see them. As a kid they thought I was deft until the age of four when a doctor told them I had been ignoring them in the same way they ignore me. When I went back yesterday for Xmas to visit them, I started a fight, when I tried to show my mother a safer way to cut squash, she got frustrated and went after my father, who then ignored me for the rest of my time there because I caused a problem. Also the cherry on top, my name, is the same name of a kid who bullied my dad as a kid. I've decided to stop caring about my parents, they won't change or meet me in the middle, and I was an accident, that should only remind them of good memories as they fade towards the end, but never should I consider them in my plans of my future again. I have a problem trusting people because of all the narcissists I've let into my life, I also have issue making friends, I know a lot of people yet I'm the only person of the group of 30 somethings in my area that is always single without kids. Which is how my parents are too, neither have friends, since I've known them. If you've read this, it's not just a sob story I'm trying to get likes for, but how I'm piecing together what I'm learning from this ground shattering man, he really bonds all the pieces of damage I have into a complete thought process and I am forever grateful. Thank you

This is terrifying. I was raised under narcissistic rule and that is LITERALLY what I became: A prop master for film and television; A ninja, who doesn't exist. I fit in and under very small spaces and know how to be invisible in a bathroom stall while actors have sex or pretend to do drugs while I move props around for them and make sure no one has a melt down. I burnt out really hard once I realized what I was; a professional narcissist handler. It was very difficult to extract myself and I got extremely physically ill. Now, I can't pass a film set without experiencing somatic PTSD symptoms. I never want to stand in front of, or stare at a monitor, maintaining continuity for sub-par film or television content EVER again.

Going solo is so marvelous! There is a great and lasting joy in going solo. It’s the most valuable boundary during the recovery months. I add to my emotional bank account every day in my solo life. I am strengthened and grounded.

I have never heard a narcissistic/co decent teaching like this. I’m actually beginning to see it for what it is really for me and my role. Therefore, giving me new insight and hope for me to learn tactics and new behaviors and more to heal and possibly overcome this and ultimately break free from my own prison and lack of growth as an adult

Being co dependant and giving enables us to feel worthy, needed, wanted, good, loved, accepted, etc basically everything we don’t feel or have for ourselves I attend co dependants anonymous in Glasgow Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

This is excellent. We codependents absolutely weaponize our misery... our victimhood. It's a manipulation tactic we learned as abused and/or neglected children to get our needs met. It is indeed our responsibility to grow up & embrace our authentic selves, who we are before & beyond our traumas. The risk of rejection is worth the reward of a healthy adult life. Thank you most sincerely for using your experience & insights to help others. You are a blessing.

I am doing this right now.....replacing fear of the unknown with curiosity, directing my energy to those who truly love and respect me......and loving my time alone and my re-energized enthusiastic laughing self I was born to be. Thank you Richard. 💕

This is so good! It’s funny when I was describing how it felt to be me after I got away from him and was no longer terrified of him, I told my kids it was like I was frozen or paralyzed and I was no longer living inside my body. I had to give myself permission to come back into my body and then I had to call myself back in adamantly and vigorously! And I have so many weird aches and pains now that I didn’t before this horrifying relationship - my feet and knees are agonizingly painful and I still have to tell myself it’s good to be me and to have this body I live in. I have to tell my spirit “I love you, you have worth, I want you here. This body and this world need you!”

Dear Richard, you found me 5 years ago and, if this is truly goodbye, I couldn’t let you go without saying a heartfelt Thank You. You saved my life and I will always be eternally grateful. I will miss you dear friend. Take care & God bless x

It makes perfect sense to me...you're lecture..pertains to many of my experiences throughout my life journey...I'm 65. I am a survivor of narcissistic relationship....I became invisible in my childhood, and I did the same in my marriages and relationships...he tried to murder me, I managed to escape, and I have been single for 16 years. I am STILL trying to find a balance between my empathic nature and retreating into invisibility to protect myself from negative people...I am also learning about myself, what I don't like which I am discovering is teaching me what I do like...this has been a life-long learning/healing process...I think I will be learning and working on this the rest of my life. Sometimes it is really hard, Safety...I wish...I had to forgive myself and it took me a long time of grieving before I was finally able to...I am learning to like who I am, loving my soul..emphasizes on learning...and self care...I have to daily remind myself that I am the priority even though it is the hardest thing for me because I have spent a lifetime putting others first.

Thank you Richard! You and only you saved my life 4 years ago! I am alive and in a wonderful relationship for almost 4 years! Adore you!

In the movie "Breakfast at Tiffany's" someone says about Holly Golightly "I like the kid. She's a phoney but she's a real phoney." That's what being an echo co-dependent is.

I've admired your work since I found you 2015 and I am truly grateful for having found it. Thank so much for being you, sharing yourself, and your journey with us. It's truly been an honor and I wish you only the best. Take care and thanks again from the center of my being for being a light in a sometimes dark world. Cheers to change!

You are the main reason I am now in university for my bachelor's in Psychology. I am very interested in your theories and beliefs and where you are going with them.

“Courage, courage, courage! Coming out of your comfort zone, it’s going to suck, but this sucks more!”

I’m so sorry this is a long comment. I don’t know where else to turn. I was hoping and praying that someone might be able to point me in the right direction. As like for many of you, my mother was my first narcissist relationship. She hated me because I was born. She told me that all the time. She blamed her failed marriage on my birth. I didn’t know why until a couple years ago. She has been dead for over 20 years. My father, wasn’t my birth father. My whole family knew and never told me. I was born while my mother was in in her late 40’s. Therefore, my 2 siblings were a lot older than me. My sister, is 17 years older and my brother was 19 years older. He passed from cancer a couple years ago. He told me the truth about my real dad on his death bed. I had a dna test and he was telling the truth. He and my sister both blamed my birth on the divorce of their parents. They never let me forget it. I could never understand as a child what I could have possibly have done to hear these words over and over from my “family”. I did everything to please my mother and stepdad. Nothing was good enough. She was a terrible alcoholic. I was blamed for that. I lived a very confused and sad childhood. I got pregnant at 16. Was thrown out of the house and disowned, because the father of my daughter was African American. I lived in a very small town, where that wasn’t acceptable. I moved into my own apartment at 16 with a new baby by myself. I loved her so much. I made a promise to always show her how much she was loved. I had my second daughter at 19. Her dad was white, so my family slowly let me back in, as long as I promised to marry him, “because no other white man would want me with a half black kid”. So, I did. He was very abusive. I was hospitalized many times from his beatings but I stayed because I really believed nobody would want me. After the last beating that landed me in ICU for almost 3 weeks, I left him. He went to prison for 3 years. After the beatings, I would find myself comforting him, because he couldn’t help it. So I thought at the time. I was free with my girls to live a peaceful life. I lost almost all of my family within a matter of a couple years. My sister lived out of state and offered for myself and my girls to move in with her and her husband. I decided to make the move to offer my daughters better opportunities in life. It was horrible from the first day. I only stayed with her for about a month. I worked 3 jobs to afford to get us our own place. We once again had peace. A couple of years had passed. I met a very charming man that treated me and my girls so well. I didn’t think someone like that was out there. We dated for about 6 months and I found out I was pregnant. I had my tubes tied after my second daughter was born. My son was born 13 years later. My then boyfriend asked me to marry him. I did. I wanted a family so badly. After we married, things changed. He became the boss. I couldn’t understand what had happened to this once amazing man. I thought it had to be me. It was me with my parents, my ex husband and now him. It’s me. I couldn’t have tried harder to be loved and did anything to make sure everyone was happy. It wasn’t enough. It never was. My amazing son was diagnosed with non verbal autism at the age of 3. We decided that I would not go back to work and be his full time caregiver. My son is now 14. He is my world. He is amazing and makes huge progress every day. He is still non verbal and needs me for his daily needs. That has prevented me from working and being able to move away from my narcissistic alcoholic and verbally abusive husband. People tell me to go to a shelter if it’s that bad. Anyone that knows anything about autism, they know that these kiddos need and have to have routine. I can’t leave him here with his dad. He drinks to much and I could never leave him behind. I can’t live in a shelter with him because it could do more damage then what he sees here from how his dad talks at me and belittles me daily. I’m stuck. I get an allowance that is not enough to support my son on my own. I haven’t worked outside of the home in 15 years. I have no family to turn to for help. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what to do to get out. I pray so hard for answers every single day. If anyone has any advice for me, I would be forever grateful. Thank you to all that took the time to read my story. Blessings to all that are struggling. ❤️

Being called the mirror of the narcissist really hit home for me. I can see that now. It summons shame, and clarity, at the same time. I WAS putting on my own mask. I gave far too much of myself, in hopes of loving his pain away. I know now, that this is all a lie. A ploy to get supply, but the fact that i was receiving supply MYSELF, makes me so very ashamed. I know it's ok. I know that i will be ok. Thank you Richard, for all of your insight, and having the wit and banter to both captivate and hold my attention. And your remark about memory being shit, is 100% accurate. I was honestly afraid that i may be getting Alzheimer's or something. This brought me relief to know that this is "normal". I wonder.... Do the memories EVER come back? Or do they need to stay where they are???

Advantages Of Remaining Codependent: I'm morally blameless I don't have to accept responsibility for my actions or results I can claim ignorance of my actions or results Society rewards victim status I can get sympathy Addictions are more easily forgiven, because reasons No need to do the hard work of gaining genuine admiration No need to achieve anything Failure is a given

Thank you Richard. Struggling to get past a recent final discard. I know it's not about him. This is so helpful. I've learned that I was conditioned in childhood that the only way I can love myself, is by loving someone else. No more hiding in the cave.

On bloody point. 3 months ago I was diagnosed with both fibromyalgia and CPTSD. I've known something was physically wrong all my life but was told to stop listening to myself so much, so only came across fibromyalgia in 2018 when my state declined to the point where I could not sit up in bed in the morning without crying from pain and needed help to dress up, and had been waiting for a diagnosis since then because it was all in my head. (I have helped myself tremendously since, and done so without pills). The CPTSD part was not much of a surprise either, but I have then realised why I got so sick, both mentally and physically, at the start of my last relationship. Even just before getting together, I felt incredibly lost, personality wise, and said that I felt like a prisoner of my own body, that I couldn't take the actions I wanted, and needed to excavate myself from within. He was the trigger to a piece of insight that I wasn't ready for, and for the first time I felt what was missing inside me. I realised at that time that I had been subconsciously waiting all my life for someone to fill up the space, and that this someone needed to be myself. But I wasn't allowed these time and space, even though I did try to take them after telling him all this. He had seen the fragile state of my boundaries and just barged in - he had heard the faint sound of an echo of himself and thought it was an invitation to love himself through me. From self-doubt, and because of the prospect of love resulting from it, of course, I gave in completely. Within the first month I got so sick and exhausted that I could barely eat anymore, and piled up medical appointments. A year of relationship and an period of suicidal ideations later, I have discovered through hours upon hours of Sam Vaknin's explanation of his model that I most likely have what they insist on calling BPD, and that I have been dealing with the umpteenth narcissist of my life. Funnily enough, the first time he hugged me I felt his incredibly strong energy, and I described it to him as being both radiating incommensurable love and asking for it in equal measure, at the same time as rejecting any love that was given to it and claiming that it didn't need or even want anyone around, because of how much it was afraid. Oh, the things one learns in time... I have just now started to tackle this CPTSD, will begin intensive psychotherapy in a few weeks/months, and will do everything in my power to overcome this echo-codependency. This body needs a person, and thanks to both you Richard and Sam, now that I understand, my locus of control is completely internal, and the pain is finally subsiding for good. It sounds really dark but I feel great when I feel great.

Aha! Codependents experience love horizontally; narcissists experience love vertically. Great revelation! ... Oh yes! I couldn't agree more that as a society we lack leadership. We are in great need of it, along with mentorship, apprenticeship, and healthy and meaningful rites of passage. The value of bequeathing and inheriting morals, knowledge, and wisdom from one generation to the next, has been forgotten or left out of the modern western experience. Protecting and preserving culture and tradition is a legacy we have largely been denied these last few generations. I do believe that the lack of leadership we observe is directly related, but what do you suppose is responsible for the decline? ... Suffering often leads to awakening/liberation. ... Ceremonial magic from Alester Crowley!? What the hell Grannon?

Thank you, Richard for all work you've done. You actually opened my eyes, when I found you few years back. You were one of the first s who started to look at this subject deep enough amd talk about it. It helped me a lot. I am in much better shape than I was 5 years ago. All the best for you!

Came here after seeing your email re the closure of the website. Firstly, totally applaud you for putting yourself first. I feel absolutely honored to have met you back in 2015 at a London seminar with Prof Sam Vaknin. I'm so appreciative for all the work you have done over the years to help support and heal sooo many. I've used many of your tools over the years and honestly the awareness your channels bought to myself and others I know has been invaluable. A multitude of thank you's Richard 🙏🙏🙏

Get out of the cave, respond after taking time to think it through, don’t react. Buy Richard’s book. Amazing lecture! Love this. It’s so describes so much of my life’s experiences. I never understood what was wrong with me when I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I grew up. I never realized it was because my NPD parent chopped away my individuality. Now that I look back I remember everything I expressed interest in as a child was shot down and I was told how unrealistic it was or how it could never make money. So bad… i also relate to having a horrible memory. I also experienced the extreme stress of being put down and yelled at as a child. I reacted by withdrawing into my perfectionism and became a good student involved in school which of course didn’t help with that bad relationship but it helped me in the long run. But since I didn’t know what I wanted to do for a living I lost momentum. I went from one toxic filled job to another. And then from one toxic relationship to another. I’m 50 now and finally understanding why. Long story short… I want to help younger versions of people with similar issues. Now I know something I DO want.

You have shined so much light into the darkness, Richard! You are absolutely brilliant, one of a kind. Find the healing you need and know that WE WILL MISS YOU in this darkness that is closing in. Thank you for your time and attention 🙂🙏 Awaiting you back on some other platform! 🇨🇿🇺🇸

This is one of the best interpretations of the narcissistic and codependency. And their shadows.. thanks 🙏

RG… I discovered you in 2015 and you showed me the way. You introduced me to a language to what I dealing with. You helped so many people. I came to a seminar with you and Vaknin. I listened, I learned. I purchased The Discipline and began my reprogramming. I put in the reps and became a black belt. I did many of your programs. My life has changed. I am at peace and so happy. I don’t visit the site as much. Now I give myself occasional “booster shots” by doing your exercises you taught. I love your energy so I follow your other channel. I don’t visit the NPD site anymore as I feel that forward is the best direction. As a community we all grew together. We watched you grow as well. It’s been an incredible journey. It absolutely warms my heart that you are also going forward and leaving this behind. It is definitely time in my humble opinion. Much love and gratitude to you. ❤️

You’re doing life changing work, my friend. I’ve been struggling for a while now on how to balance my desire to help and serve others while also preserving my own sense of self- which had been drowning for many years and only recently started to resurface. I love pleasing people, to a fault and I’ve been aware of many of the advantages you spoke about here… but I still love doing it. I’m way better off today than I was a year ago, but a long ways to go! The CPTSD was fairly easy to overcome after I left an abusive marriage. Then a few months later I found myself sliding back down this mountain I thought I had already climbed. Nope, just a whole new mountain. Lol. Mt. Codependency. So here I am, starting all over again on my healing journey. I can spot and fend off the narcs in my life now with ease (it’s never easy, but for the majority of my life I let them devour me. Cutting them off is easier now that I have the right tools and knowledge) so now I’m my own worst enemy. Lol. I’ve been attracted to narcs my whole life, and still am. I’m starting to wonder if I’m cursed too. It’s a hard thing to change. Intellectually, I despise them. But the magnetic pull between codependents and narcs is no joke. I find myself being drawn to them like a moth to a flame. And them to me. I hope to one day make it stop. Lol

Richard, I have a different take on it, you were primed to be a “slave” of narcisists. Is not that you are looking for an advantage, you are looking to survive. Fawning response to trauma. That’s what it is. Nothing else. Deep trauma.

Much gratitude tp you Richard. You were a sanity life line after the horrific relationship that almost literally killed me then the big C , happened after that . Its hard to believe such people exist and as a mere mortal with emotions that were so repressed of fear and spiritual beliefs i took on created such painful experiences. Ill keep working on me thanks to you 🙏🏽🇦🇺❤️ thankyou. And god bless you .

Benefits of being co-dependent: you don't have to be alone and face your own fear of abandonment and the fear that nobody will like you anyway, so if you leave, you might be forever single. (which is not necessarily true) It's like safe hell and unknown heaven.

... This could be my favourite seminar of the recent batch. Great audience, superb content and Richard on top form. Many thanks ...

Richard, with regard to physical illness as a result of narcissistic exposure you have hit the bull's eye: I've had or should I say had CFS for a number of years, which is basically in a nutshell lack of energy, extreme fatigue and pain all over the body. I do believe, however, that the path of healing from psychological abuse you have pointed out aimed at reaching a specific peaceful state of mind, also leads to healing the body. We are indeed body- mind creatures! Thank you for the magnificent lecture!

Thank you so much for your generosity of putting such a valuable seminar on the internet. God bless you!🙏😊

For 6 years still angry at the narcissist after watching lots of people's channels I was still angry and stuck and couldn't move on. I just started watching Richard and learn so much that he answered my questions and things I didn't understand. Thank you for helping me with these videos 🙏

Wow 😯 so greatly explained! I just got out of a relationship with a narcissist.. and working on overcoming co-dependency. This video was very helpful! Thank you 🙏🏻

self inquiry meditation has helped me alot with trying to find out my authentic self

Your words hit me hard. I've been so exhausted.

Even as an independent adventerous person (outdoorsy, ect) I can see where I was supply in that I sought validation and purpose and was too giving to get friends. The love bombing made me feel so special, and sense of inclusion in a group of people who all admired him so much it gave me this huge sense of purpose to support him and be ' the one' who could deal with his ways. I have been in detox over a year and its still hard. It is truly like a drug. The abuse undid my enjoyment of so many things. And all the so called friends werent there for me when I left. It was devastating and eye opening. Like my life was a fascade for a whole decade and everything I did and experienced null and void since I have noone left from that time still with me to even share the memories with. I guess thats another codependent trait. Its crazy.

What an amazing, honest, painful and clarifying lecture. Thank you for freely sharing this information. How have so many psychologists not grasped this? Why do so many subsribe to the "Get over it" method? If we could get over it, there would be no psychologists!

This video sounds like me 3 years ago. I broke the mold that was once my mask. Over the last year I learned meditation. I have been doing so much research on narcissism and learning how I was the supply. After breaking free I was now my abuser, now I can spot it from a mile away. I now catch it in myself and have been learning how to rewire my own thinking. Meditation helps so much with self soothing and parenting myself, I am now able to ground myself through triggers and just in general. I work for a very narcissistic company and now understand why it is so addicting. Over the last year I have sorted out the fact that this does give me the supply I require and that if I have to be here to make my money I will use this as my food, but I do not want that behavior in my home life. Meltdowns happen, I am the secure part of this operation. Because I have been on both sides and know how to use manipulation to get the results I want it works usually in my favor to " help" the entitled and to shut down the abuse. Learning how to navigate in a world like this is a skill. However I have also picked up a new trait and that is how to shut down the malignant. It is a reminder of those past abusers growing up. Since my new rewiring I see and can point out who's who and what levels they are at. I now have a bad taste in my mouth. The job I have been doing is no longer serving my new self. I am ready to leave this toxic environment and figuring out a financial plan. Because I am armed with so much knowledge and the tools to embrace, accept, navigate and rewire it is hard to date since most people are insecure and drive their life using insecurities as their fuel. I can see it. Often times I can pick it up in my silence. I am comfortable and secure in what would be an awkward silence... yes mastering awkward silence allows the mask to fall. They have to say something or have noises so divulging information is where they go without realizing it. I am definitely a life chess player when I'm not worried about trying to get a point across. I no longer am thirsty to be heard. I have also been researching body language, personality profiling and even clothing recognition. In doing so I had already determined I did not want a second date by the clothes the man wore. His choice of clothes gave me a huge bell 🔔 so I let it unfold and boom huge look at me, look at me attention sucker. I was right, nevermind the stories and character he chose to share in a mere 3 hours. Before I may have over rationalized his behavior, now these things are deal breakers and powerful indicators of what life could be like with this person. I journal now also like when I was a kid. Oh my God to be able to get it out of my head and on to paper is rewiring, working through my shit is powerful, sad and safe. I have been able to experience a trigger, journal about it in the moment and work through it recognizing physical, mental, emotional patterns and getting to the core of it. That was amazing and hardly ever happens. I now understand why in that particular moment I felt that way, and identify that a trigger is your mind picking up on a pattern you have seen before. Journaling gives me the power to connect the dots unapologetically. Everything is a fact and facing my feelings. I have abandoned, questioned, and rationalized, oh let's not forget suppressed my feelings for so long. In doing this I have stopped that legacy. I now accept that I am feeling, process, name and get to the root of what got me there. It is incredible. Allowing myself to feel is both hard and scary in the beginning. I did alot of crying at first now I process and situate more than cry and when I do cry it is for a much shorter time. Understanding that I am a 3 year old self, wired through my childhood upbringing, and learning to parent myself is mind blowing. Especially since I pride myself in being a damn good parent. Knowing I was being an awful parent to myself pissed me off. Embracing the ability to love myself as much as I love my daughter was new. I am no longer beating up on myself about anything. That took time. I give myself room for error with learning curves. To those going through or thinking about going through the rewiring. You are worth it! You are capable of becoming your best self. Please check out Dr. Ramani ( narcissist dr.) Meditation guides You are enough! Much ❤ and strength to you all!

Thank you for sharing your insight, experience and wisdom. Listening to your lectures and words has been very healing and affirming. This has helped me to reclaim my own approval and stop the victim trauma based approval people pleasing behavior. Onto work and self defense...physical combat training.

‘When Carl Jung was a 12-year-old schoolboy, he was shoved to the ground by another child, hitting his head on the pavement, and nearly losing consciousness. Instantly, he grasped the opportunities created by this attack. ‘At the moment I felt the blow, the thought flashed through my mind: “Now you won’t have to go to school anymore.” I was only half unconscious, but I remained lying there a few moments longer than was strictly necessary, chiefly in order to avenge myself on my assailant From this point forward, Jung began having fainting spells whenever he returned to class or attempted homework. For six months, he did not attend school. His worried parents consulted doctors, and sent him away to convalesce. Jung described this period as “a picnic.” Beneath the his giddiness, however, he sensed something was amiss.’ From: Collision with Reality: What Depth Psychology Can Teach Us about Victimhood Culture and Teen Anxiety By Lisa Marchiano

You must serve yourself first because nobody else is we are the ones with the dedication and devotion to serve all but if you look nobody serving us

I have found that in this mirror world, we are both the narcissist and the co-dependent in our own lives - like the dragon consuming its own tail.

You are a great teacher Richard. I know you're doing some different stuff right now but I hope you don't stop teaching, it's a real gift you have

You've saved so many souls. Thank you. You're an angel and always will be to me.

I've been following Richard for years! His introspective insight and clarity continues to strengthen. Thank you Richard Grannon♥️

I’ve was in AA for 25 years and it was all about service service and more service and thinking of others to get out of ourselves. I started to go to alanon re my mums drinking, then opened up to seeing all my shame etc and ended up in ACA which allowed me to safely look at all this codependency, echo stuff. Thanks Richard for pulling it all together and being so authentically beautifully yourself! 💖✨

I'd like to point out that some people are more sensitive to abuse and adverse situations. When it's causing constant trauma and chronic stress and for example, happening in the childhood where the brains are still growing and vulnerable. It can actually mold the structure of the brain physically, cause autoimmune illnesses, neurological damage. In some individuals low dopamine, causing physical dysautonomia, and perhaps adenergic POTS. It can also cause different gene activation than in healthy individuals, who have had a good childhood (epigenetics).

Thank you Richie, I love all your work and courses. They helped me a lot. You are the only one who speaks the truth that we Codep.also have our agenda and we also manipulate to get narcisstic supply. Most of the other narcisstic abuse recovery channels don't talk about that. This kept me stuck for a long time and I felt more guilty and ashamed and in denial. For me Codependency is a strategy to survive. I have internalized my mothers emotions to survive. I could not be me because I feared to be abandonned and fear of dying. Now ,that I dig deeper, I am aware that even " my healing process" protects me for being my authentic self. Because the longer it takes, the longer I am save because being myself is danger (subconscious inner child). So weird. I still have so much pain and terrible emotions and I realized that they are not mine but from my mother and my ex narchusband . Because the days when I feel my bounderies energetically, these emotions are not there. Sorry for my bad English but perhaps it can help for some of you. I wish you all the best and I think that we are not the weak victims. I think this role also saved us and it is dangerous for the inner child to let that go. Forza amici;) we say in Italy

I can't express what your content has meant to me on my journey this last few years. God bless you Richard, wonderful and engaging as always

Thanking Jesus that he made me a true empathetic out of this family 🙏🏽🙌💯🙏🏽💯♌️💣💜💜💜

Dear Richard. I truly wish you all the very best moving forward into your future. Your insight and wisdom gleaned from you own experience with both adult & childhood narcissistic/ toxic abuse has helped me in so many many ways, ways that I can not even begin to explain here.....but please know that I am all the better for it.

I have fibromyalgia am in constant pain and am so fatigued that I can sleep anywhere, anytime. Sometimes, it feels like an effort to lift my arms and I hurt so much that sometimes it hurts just to breathe. What you said about pain and exhaustion really hit home. I’ve been married to a covert narcissist for 39 years. I am tired, I hurt and I just can’t see my way clear to disentangling myself.

Thank you Richard for all your hard work and the change that you have brought to so many people's lives, mine included. I have C.P.T.S.D, was brought up by a mother with personality disorder and I was attracted to and engaging in relationships with abusive/narcissistic/psychopath. I didn't realise any of this fully until I came into drug/alcohol/relationship recovery. You have helped me through some really dark times with your videos, I have personally found it hard to talk about and share this stuff especially as alot of people seem to think this is all just in films or flippantly throw the term narcissist/psychopath around. You have also been keeping me sane with some of your other videos, in these strange times....... I wish you all the best for what ever the future brings you Richard and thank you agaln.

There seems to be an idea of exercise rising from these dead identity/scarecrow and fear of rejection/fawning dynamics, which would allow to both cope with our fear of rejection and revive our identity through proof of safety. In short, reverse engineer our mechanisms: 1. What traits are part of my true identity? 2. What makes these traits unsafe? (Define the parameters of my feeling of safety, or the parameters of my feeling of danger) 3. Under what circumstances would I feel safe to express these traits? (Should I change my perception of them through examples of succesfully safe events, or adapt them so as to eliminate their inherent unsafe elements?) 4. Grant myself permission to try it. 5. Try it, and learn from it. If part of our dead identity (or identity we want to claim) is assertiveness, then an exercise would be to create an assertive scarecrow and reframe our understanding of it to create an impression of a pleasing element, which should overcome the fear of rejection in order to stay within a feeling of safety. So, in this case, the way we assert ourselves is reframed as being done for the person we are interacting with. 'If I am my true self, then I am an expression of the real world, without filter, and so I help the person learn from reality. I will thus help this person by teaching them a gentle lesson from the real world, and their future self will love me for it.' Fundamentally, it comes down to trading our, 'I feel accepted, only partially and sometimes, even though I never am' for a, 'I will either be fully accepted or fully rejected, but I will possess myself forever'; our, 'I know how to do this specific thing which gives me the impression of being in control until I lose myself again' for, 'I will have the impression of losing everything while doing that thing I have never done until I gain complete control over myself'.

Richard - you have reached the core of things... Indeed you have❤

I overcame codependency by becoming dependent on God and Jesus. I don't think that people can live without any love bond to someone outside themselves. The relationship with one's own self is not enough. By creating a love bond with our Creator we will be filled with the Holy Spirit that gives us: love, peace, joy, patience, wisdom. This is how we can have true strong love inside us. Any other kind of human love is fragile and prone to dangers.

I am from Serbia and have a sense that you've culturally targeted this topic for Belgrade seminar. I have so many aha moments during this, and it resonates so much. Also this echo codependency reminds me of the book "The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment". Great book. Thanks Richard

And yes, Richard, this is why your work is so vitally important at this place in time!! The Narcissistic Abuse on a Global Scale is truly Mind Altering and damaging us beyond our imaginations. How now, shall we live? Is the question. Turning off Mainstream Media and Living a Self Reliant Life is my answer. I will Survive and teach others to do so, as well. Thank you MUCH LOVE and Respect to you and your mission.

Another experience of mental floss with RG! I now want to absorb everything he has put out. This is the machete to my psychological thicket. Thank you for the leadership.

Dear RICHARD.. 21.12.21.. You could not choose a better time. Something new is rising. It was indeed an insane time.. To talk about insane thing.. But for the good.. The sanity of all your followers. Less did it as you do. I am thankful for all you did and still does. Wish you the best on your journey. Take care and have many good moments. 🙏 🤗 🌺

I wanted to say THANK YOU for being here For Us and for these several years Helping Us to gain the information We needed and still need to take control of our Lives and begin the traveling to the Who We are truly meant to be and perhaps have felt all along (it's insightful to see now how much I have traveled... Amen that's just so true oh...)

"I'm only acceptable to myself when I become a slave" really shows me how sick I became when I was in relationships with the Narcs who were part of my life in the past. It's been several years since I saw them but I'm finally going through the grieving process and feeling my anger. This workshop has really opened my eyes and helped me to see how this all played out - from my childhood to the present. Thank you so much Richard for all you are doing to help those of us who have suffered (and are still in those toxic relationships) to work through what happened, and finally heal. I will NEVER allow this to to happen to me again because what I'm beginning to do is love my authentic self - warts and all! And I will protect myself from these people!

I’m very fortunate that didn’t completely lose myself to my mother. She used me as her second brain. I kept my “real” self hidden because I knew she would devour it. It was like a tiny flame deep inside. She died 12 yrs ago and I finally feel like I’m coming into my own. Thank you Richie. You showed me the way out.

"The most important thing is to keep the most important thing the most important thing"...hehehe. We don't need others to "be" anything. We don't need them to wake up, we don't need them to grow or mature or give back. We need to stay focused on our bliss. If we daydream the person we hope to become (future self) looking back and appreciating (now self) conducting our day to day, we start creating conditions which allow that future self to unfold. You are YOU. Be in the space of fully loving and embracing you, appreciating your ability to THRIVE in conditions which others might (or not) think are less than ideal. The bliss is the excitement in seeing now as the launching pad for the success. NOW is this phase of getting there. NOW is THIS phase of not being there yet. "If I knew then how fine it would all turn out, I would have relaxed more." How many times have you thought that? So, just live that way, in all your thinking, all your day to day, remember that in your future you're going to look back and realize (now) you should relax and take heart that you are already successfully creating that vision--in this phase of it. You are the game changer. Period. Be who you want to become in ALL situations. The one who, tomorrow, will not regret a single thing you said or did in reaction to things not being exactly how you want them to be. Appreciate all that actually IS as you desire. (warm bed, food in the fridge, that rascal actually paid a bill or took out some garbage or sorted the mail, or walked the dog) Continue to find new points of appreciation. All the shitty stuff is still there, sure, but your focus is YOUR LEVEL UP task. Your only "test" is whether or not you focus and control how YOU feel. Whether you can focus on all the good that others are, even if some of their stuff is pretty awful. There is no score. There is only the task of focusing on that which you appreciate. Here's why: When you focus on YOUR positive emotional state, continuously, the natural evolution from that point is 1--You might decide to walk away but it is not in a state of lack and grief, it is in a state of focused positive emotion that desires to create the even better vision you have for yourself. It happens in the midst of total appreciation and that "breakup" becomes an exciting path to freedom and future, even in the process of having moments of grief. OR 2-On rare occasion, your focus on what you appreciate allows something to soften between you. Because we don't always really know if they are or are not some personality "disorder" there is room for a shift, not usually, but sometimes this CAN be the case. Until you pull your focus on all the positive YOU can experience, no matter what they are doing, you cannot be certain of them. You are their environment. You have zero idea what they are actually experiencing when you are not watching them (because you're not there, lol) If your energy shifts, and IF that person is NOT disordered, their energy can also shift in a way that allows being with them the "better" you both want. If they are not reacting to the strain YOU were contributing, in negative emotion, they CAN appear to be a very different person. Usually this is not the case, but people CAN surprise once pressure is dissolved. You'll know very quickly if that is not the case, so it's always worth it to recalibrate to higher emotion. I say this from personal experience, and a lifelong desire to become a happy person. Now that I focus on higher vibration emotions as a continual exercise, I can say with 100% certainty, this is the only way that has worked for me. It's no stretch to think I might just be the block--if I am caught up in low emotions--that kept them from fully appreciating US. And, also no surprise, some who I thought were problematic have become some of the most valued relationships through this current time in our world events and I am so appreciative of that love. I wish all of you total well-being. Thank you, Richard, for your platform. It is a wonderful time in history to have such access to beneficial learning and creating.

Richard what a nice , relaxed and clear introduction 🇱🇺🇱🇺🇱🇺 ☯️☯️☯️

I am grateful that you put these online on KZfaq for me ( all of us) to see, but most important, to hear this. It is very much appreciated🙏🤔

This video came at the right time for me today, thanks for all your work 🙌 👍

My mum made me codependent (emotionally and financially). It is out of fear. She’s trying to not let me go to uni because she ‘needs me’ and that ‘we have to be together’. She has anxious attachment. She is 64 and I am 21.. it is just me and her.

This really helped conceptualize the thoughts that have been going on in my mind. Thank you!

This video and the 1 previous to this are priceless. Thank you Richard! Will be sharing this. Keep up the great work helping humanity heal your purpose is shining as it lights up minds and souls.

This hit hard. Thanks so much for these videos. I've learned so much about myself. Your perspective and thought processes are fascinating. Thank you for what you are doing!

Thank you so much for all your hard work. I genuinely appreciate it. I am forever changed for the better.

Thanks for this, Richard! 🙏

Thank You to all of You so sweet and so lovely and the laughs were good to hear too

You have brought much understanding to many of us. I thank you for all your time and effort. Bless you. I do appreciate this video about Echo codependency for sure. I felt that simulation of life as the parents made much effort to make me have their identities and results were I’m 55 and discovering my self and all the fragments I became to survive. Your videos helped me through deep shadow stuff, anger, resentment and I set boundaries with mom and released the chain of codependency behaviors. At least between she and I and now see how she’s incapable, always has been and I don’t take it on now. You helped me last yr so deeply and I’m forever grateful. Have. Great life!

Thanks Richard - thanks for sharing all this free on yt - all best.

What A Wonderful Resource We Had In Richard.Miles Above Any Therapy I Was in

Thank you for all you do. You have helped me so much. Prayers for you.

Richard , Thank you so much and I can’t wait to purchase your book 💜!!!!