Thanks so much for watching! We're making new content over at O plus by OGS, and they covered a similar story on a survivor of child abuse. Watch here: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/pr-gh7djzLfFcZc.html If you or anyone you know needs help, you may reach out for support: Sexual Assault Care Centre 6779 0282 (Mon-Fri, 10am-10pm) sacc.aware.org.sg Oogachaga 6226 2002 (Tue, Wed, Thu: 7pm-10pm; Sat: 2pm-5pm) Oogachaga.com #AimForZeroSG

"arousal does not mean consent" this is so important

"No" is a full sentence

NO PERSON asks for being sexually assaulted or harassed. No matter the circumstances.

Video : “survivor of sexual violence” First question : “were you asking for it?” I am so mad rn

When I was raped, I told a male friend and he laughed asking how someone as tall as me could be overpowered and raped. I couldn't believe it. No matter how strong someone looks, they can be overpowered, drugged or manipulated.

Everyone is very brave in this interview. True survivor. Also, thank you for inviting a man to talk about his experiences. Because men can be the victims too, the public needs to know that

It is stupid to ask whether they asked for it, totally inconsiderate.

That man was so right...if you both agree to something and in the middle of it the aggressor does something that breaks that agreement then the consent is no longer valid. This video has so many good valid points. That sheathing thing is really dangerous too since if this isn't your committed partner and just a one night stand or something you can be put at great risk. Especially by some carriers of STDs who enjoy infecting other people without their consent and without telling them of their STD

Great to see that a man is included in this interview. And yup, it's awful when people compare how "severe" the sexual violence is. like what Pamela said, "Oh, you got molested. You didn't get raped." like as if that makes my experience any less traumatic that it is. Most of the people who told me this are often friends with good intentions - friends I've known for decades. If you have a friend who has / had been sexually assaulted, please do not say such a thing to them. It really hurts. Instead, listen to them, be there for them. Sometimes, you don't have to say anything more. If words fail you, show them that you care through your actions. And to fellow survivors - again, to reiterate what Pamela said - if your friend ain't helping and choosing to insult / offend / question / shame you, be prepared to walk away. Sometimes, the very revelation of your experience can turn some people's world upside down. Often times, they can't accept it. Be brave, accept that and move on. It can be a lonely journey but know that with time, therapy, self-care and /or a good support network (cos not everybody has that) can help you

absolutely sucks that my only memory of sex education in sg was about periods and pregnancy. it really made me deny my sexual assault for a long, long time solely because i didnt know what to label it as. my heart goes out to all survivors, especially these four people in the video. thank you for bringing up awareness and for teaching more than schools ever did in regards to a taboo topic.

Feel like teachers should start talking about this, so that students know how to protect themselves from young. Stop victim blaming, it’s horrible.

"arousal does not equate consent," jezus fk. that hit me. tonight i seek solace in these comments and this video

It hurts my heart that he couldn't approach the cops because him being himself is a crime already. Please stop this, everyone deserves the same treatment when it comes to being a victim.......

"No I wasn't...because I was 7." I...no this is NEVER normal. That's disgusting & NEVER allowed. To anyone from a child to a grown up.

My ex boyfriend tried to strangle me once. I told my brother and he said “what did you do to make him do that”. I felt guilty, like it was my fault. I dismissed my own feelings about it after that.

I’m really blown away by how concise, well articulated and intelligent these lovely humans are about this topic, amazing. Wish this content was around for when I had my horrible experience, my own mother asked if I was lying and also said “what happened that you got yourself into that situation” holy fucking hell. These people are warriors for going through the stages post rape/sexual negligences.

“it doesn’t have to be a violent act for it to be sexual violence” I think that is really important

Thank you for allowing a male victim to have a voice.

“It’s very easy to give blame to the victim, but ww dont talk enough about the aggressor.” “At the end of the day, it is all about consent.” Man he’s on point! 🥺

*I'll try to share my story here* : I first got raped by my biological father when I was 4. That continued for 7 months until the neighbors called the police because they saw belt marks on my body. I was sent to the orphanage. Then three 20 ish men adopted me and all the things continued for a year until I was back at the orphanage. Then I was adopted by a couple who physically abused me for 2-3 months then again I was back at the orphanage. I am still suffering from PTSD after the first encounter 5 years ago. These survivors inspired me. Thanks a lot. I look up to the lady. She's stunning! You all are so brave! Respect!

I still remembered when I told my mom that I was sexual harassed, she asked me why I didn't come forward earlier. Like the survivors said, IT WAS HARD!!!

“they also don’t owe it to anybody to explain the graphic details of their incident just so the listener can feel that it happened or that it’s a valid experience”

I personally felt really emotional when Devika talked about how by reason of her very early sexual violence experience, she felt like she was introduced to the pleasures of the physical body way before she was supposed to naturally. I have never previously heard someone saying that out loud. This means a lot to me since I am also a sexual violence survivor and I was 6-7yrs at the time, and I had grown more curious about physical pleasure at a rather young age due to this, and till date I always felt like it was something wrong with me, and that I was a young dirty child.This combined with my Indian family was been super hard, because we're told that doing anything related to sex is dirty and makes you a bad girl. I had never correlated it to my sexual violence episode. Thank you for finally making me feel better about my younger self Devika. I'm 19 now and have finally achieved some closure.

In Germany there are hospitals equipped to record physical evidence of sexual violence. The victim can go there and get this done for free. The hospital can not report to the police. Once the person is mentally ready, he or she can make a police report. That has come out as a powerful tool.

I really liked everything that Devika brought up. I really like that she even mentioned male sexual assault since I think it gets neglected a lot. I think male sexual assault happens a lot more than what we think. I've seen a lot of stories about female teachers taking advantage of male students and things I've read about male sexual assault stories on reddit and it's heart breaking because a lot of the time they were taken advantage of by women and didn't tell anyone because they thought they were meant to enjoy it because men are supposed to want sex. People do awful things in general not just a specific group of people. But what we can do is to make sure everyone no matter their sexual identity are not ashamed to come out when they are a victim of sexual assault, or anything for that matter.

Do not protect your abuser. I’ll say it again: DO NOT PROTECT YOUR ABUSER Because they won’t protect you, they’re just protecting themselves if they tell you not to tell anyone.

They asked "were you asking for it" because everyone asks that. And they wanted to share the answer is always NO.

The Ministry of Law has said that LGBT individuals will get the same protection from sexual violence as others, "Sexual orientation doesn't matter, who you are doesn't matter... if you are violently attacked... you can be sure that action has been taken," said Mr Shanmugam. Full article here: www.straitstimes.com/singapore/ministry-of-law-working-on-letting-singles-apply-for-protection-orders-against-intimate

"Arousal doesn't mean consent" In case you don't understand it, let's put it this way. The body responds to stimuli, like what Devika said. It's like getting burnt by fire. You don't want a fire, or an explosion, but someone caused a fire. The fact that there's a fire that I don't want doesn't mean I won't feel the burn, or my skin won't react to the burn. So yeah, rape or sexual assault victims can orgasm or get wet and NOT WANT IT!

I was assaulted by my teacher, and when I went to report it, the police said telling me that even Victoria secret models wouldn't allow the photographer to do what he did to me. It was then that I canceled the charges. I lost my voice that day. The assaults after that, was because I couldn't say no as it was happening. I physically pulled away, or said that I didn't want to way before it happened. Consent is not just verbal. It can be physical too. If you want to have sex and your partner snatches away from you and turns away, that too means NO.

Friends who don’t believe you and try to blame you are not your friends

I'm very grateful for the male point of view on rape and also because US culture very rarely talks about the strange case of orgasm during rape. It's not talked about or understood enough

When I was very young, my parents had to work so my mom would drop us off at my auntie's house. My aunt's kids (1 female & 1 male) would baby sit us. The first memory i have with my male cousin was when he took me into his mom's room and told me to get in a little hut he had made. He laid down and told me to do things with him. As a little kid, you don't know this is wrong. I did as I was told. this abuse happened for years, even trickled down to my sisters as well. In middle school, I saw my sister walking with the principal crying. I was confused why, later that day I come home and there is a police officer asking questions. Turns out they came because my sister told the school officials she had been hurting herself because my cousin was sexual abusing her. They had social workers come in and question us. I just remember my parents in the kitchen cleaning and i just cant imagine the pain they felt when they found out their kids have been abused for YEARS. It makes me so emotional to think about it and for the longest time I always blamed my mom because she always dropped us off at grandma's house or aunt's house for us to be watched. But now that I'm an adult I cry over it because I know my parents were just trying to make a living for us. A few years ago in college, I was so emotional one day for no reason and i started crying when i was walking back to my car and all these emotions about my sexual abuse came up and i started texting my mom and questioning her why she and dad never did anything to our abuser. Why did they continue to let him come over to our house for family get togethers and why did they buy him presents for his brithday?? When my mom replied to me, she told me that for years that she and my aunt didnt talk, during that time he had a parole officer or something and had to do a ton of community service and just a lot of other things went on that we were never told about. For the longest time I thought they let this predator out in the world roam free but little did we know what he was actually going through as well. I'm not sure if I've forgiven him or not. I feel like i forget about it sometimes but whenever i see the words or hear someone say "sexual assualt/abuse" I'm automatically triggered.

The girl with dyed hair is so well spoken

Unfortunately, I completely understand what they were saying... I was assaulted when I was about 5. I didn't understand what was happening, so I just went along with it thinking it's normal. It wasn't til later that I realized it and had to process the shame and pain from realizing it. I never told anyone growing up and coped with it in my own way. To this day I haven't completely told my parents.. they know something happened but I won't tell them more because it was like 20 years ago and I don't want to go through it more directly again. I've told friends and my partner more because I felt it was important to let them know, since I have mental illness that I'm dealing with. Also, when the #MeToo movement was gaining traction, my mom thinks that people are lying or exaggerating or whatever, she doesn't get why people would hang on to it for years... That plays a lot of the role in me not saying anything as well.

Hi Devika your story touched me a lot and I know for a fact that being an Indian and Tamil that my parents will react the same way if something ever happened to me like that.Your really brave and such a mature person.Also I read the comment commenting about and your acting and nonsense and I can I just applaud you for being so calm and responding so nicely even after them being so hurtful?Thank you for all the brave souls in the video sharing your story not many people have the courage to do it.

This episode is such a milestone content in Singapore and in Asia. Such a taboo subject that few dare venture. The guests are super brave to have survived the abuse and lived to tell. They are even more heroic to be so willing and honest to do a video. Big hugs to each of you. Yes, I want to say, "it's not your fault"

This is so hard to hear. Everyone who chose to share their ordeal was incredibly courageous and brave. Bless you all

Devika is the doppelganger of Rupi Kaur literally...

EVERYONE should watch this. The courage and candidness (not easy) demonstrated by these survivors are truly admirable. Thank you very much for sharing with us. Once again a brilliant video by OCS!

These people are so brave, everybody should watch this video, they mention so many good points. I wish sex and sexual violence/ rape stopped being taboo so people can reported it and be believed, listened and taken care of.

As someone who was sexually assaulted, I can say, with a hand on my heart, I felt enlightened. All of these people, bless their hearts, they genuinely opened my eyes about a lot of things, broadened my horizons in a way. They all spoke of topics and things that I have never heard anyone talk about. Important things that have damaged me because of an understanding I, myself had to form. But now I know a lot of things people generalize about rape are absolutely false! So thank you! I needed that!

so glad to see this comment section being so surprisingly civil. thank you to these survivors for sharing their experience. we still have a long way to go, but we're getting there.

This is the first time that I have been aware of anything group like this! At the age of 4 and my sister was 5, we were sold by my father to a family who abused us physically, emotionally and sexually. For 11 years I was abused sexually 4 to 5 times every day. Now at the age of 65, I am still confused sexually. I enjoy the arousal and the climax but then I feel dirty and no amount of water can get me clean. So much to say and so much to be ashamed of. I went to so many counsellors to try and deal with my feelings and I was told that if I was a woman they would know what to do, but because I was a man they did not know how to help me. So, I have buried everything inside of me and experienced so many failed relationships based on never dealing with my emotions and feelings of being a bad person. I have the feeling that in some way that it was my fault.

I felt like crying after watching this video. It reminded me of the day it happened to me in my secondary school. I recently went back and told my trusted teacher about what happened. She have been encouraging me to report to the police. But it happened 3 years ago. I realized how difficult it was for me to move on afterwards. The part about the police questioning victims is so true. I've made a police report once about a salesman forcing me to buy whatever he was selling, then I let the incident go but I saw him again after a few months. The policeman reprimanded me by saying "why didn't you make a police report earlier? You wait for what?". Then I had to explain to him and I burst into tears. I feel like after this incident I wouldn't ever make a police report ever again or seek help.

You can really hear the pain in all their voices. . . . Brave survivors. Great respect for these people. Hopefully this video will help prevent more issues like this. Have a good day everyone.

I am SO happy that they talk about sheathing because that is a real issue, true betrayal and just as bad as rape but no one really talks about it or they feel like its just a little thing but it is not. It is a type of sex that you did not want, that is sex without consent, that is rape.

My *blood boiled* when the first question was "were you asking for it?"

I am so glad they mentioned male victims as well. There are people who genuinely believe that women cannot sexually assault a man. And also glad that all these people have come forward.

Brave speakers. Strong people we can all learn from. Another quality production from FOGS!

You are not dutifully bound to please him. That made me tear up.

am i the only one angry with the indian ladys parents? kids don't even know how to handle a cut on their leg so why they expecting her to understand her trauma.

Not too long ago, something happened with an ex-partner that I thought was fine, like it was normal and everyone else has probably done it as well, so I didn't think much about it until recently. I wasn't too sure if what I went through was even close to okay, and watching this video helped me realize that it wasn't. Thank you so much to this channel and the spoken victims for answering questions I've been asking myself too.

okay but that fact about victims having orgasms while the abuse happens fucked me up. I can't imagine how awful it must be being in so much pain (physically and mentally) but feeling pleasure at the same, that must be so traumatizing what the f*ck

I was raped and a survivor of sexual violence and thankyou so much for sharing your stories your helping more people then u know you wonderful beautiful souls ,

Thank you so much for saying that our body reacts. I was assaulted and I always feel guilty about it because of how my body reacted to the assault. Hearing two women talk about how our body reacts is very reassuring. "arousal does not equate consent!"

It hurts my heart that you can really hear the pain in most of their voices i pray that they heal from these traumatic events they are so brave for sharing their stories

A million times better than CNA content. Real and raw.

The first lady tho wow her story is like so close to home but the difference was my parents didn't do anything and I was 9. I didn't have any evidence since he brought me to a secluded place so yeah, can't even report it

Through this whole video I kept thinking of my ex boyfriend who forced me into doing sexual stuff I was not comfortable with. Ever since I broke things off he has been going down a dark path and has even gotten a girl pregnant. I care about him still, he was the first guy I ever opened up to but the one thing I don't regret was breaking things off. I hope anyone who has gone through sexual violence by a close one or sexual violence in general recovers. We are all here together ❤ lets heal and make 2020 great.

so much respect for everyone in this video

To every one shown here and the many others who are suffering silently, I salute you. It was a traumatic experience that no one should be exposed. You need not share it but you did. KUDOS. Please remember that you didn’t ask for it. It was a life-draining experience that unfortunately had happened to you. For the rest of us who are lucky to escape such traumatic events, let’s just be kind and gentle with everyone around us because we never know what trauma they have been to.

It's not just singapore that the victim is always blamed...I have been sexually assualted but people seem to think it "wasn't even that bad" cause i was gropped...By my boss...at work...

They are all so eloquent about their journeys in processing and dealing with sexual violence, I hate that they went through what they did, but seeing how they are able to speak, educate and increase awareness about it now, speaks volumes about their healing and compassion for others to want to publicly share in their vulnerability. I have nothing but respect for them, and I hope things only become better for all who suffer in the same way. Much love guys.

This is truly the MOST comprehensive, well said, progressive, and INCREDIBLE set of interviews about something so important. Thank you.

Glad OGS always include a huge range of interviewees, in this case both female and male interviewees are involved. It definitely gives different perspectives. It's never easy to overcome, it takes years to get your mind sorted. And this experience stays with you forever. On the other hand, it's pretty disappointing to hear that these survivors couldn't approach the police for help because they have to consider how reporting will backfire them instead of saving them.

wow. the comment from the male about not wanting to report and the fear of being prosecuted. Singapore needs to up it's game. Also had issues with the first question, tad insensitive there to ask if they were "asking" for it

Everyone is so brave sharing their stories. I have to admit that this is very tough to watch but I believe that this video is necessary to educate people about how such acts affect others. Thank you.

I just want to give them all a hug 😢 I’m glad they all realize that they’re not in the wrong and I hope they all heal the way they want

It's so heartwarming to see people in our society beginning to feel more empowered to share. More of such content please!

Every single one of them articulated their stories and feelings so perfectly despite having gone through the unthinkable. It takes a different kind of strength and I hope their friends and family know and acknowledge that all the time. This was eye-opening, to say the least. Thanks for sharing your stories.

Very relatable. Thank you for putting this out there. As a survivor myself, it was very moving (and validating) to hear from others.

People who disliked are aggressors.

i'll be really interested in an eating disorder episode :) keep up the good work

Thank you for addressing all the sexual assault issues that are usually not talked about. Arousal does not mean consent. There's various coping mechanisms, denial, self harm, ignorance, etc. PTSD. You can get PTSD after experiencing anything traumatic, not only war. Being/been in a relationship doesn't mean they had rights for sex with you.

First question : “were you asking for it?” uhm....who ask that kind of question?!

As a survivor, I’ve been blamed for asking for it. It’s really sad. I was raped multiple times. Each time by a boyfriend. It’s disgusting. I never reported them out of my own womanly instink of not wanting to hurt people who I cared for. I was in so much denial I ended up attempting suicide at 15.

I appreciate how this video brings up so many topics that are not spoken about enough (rape within relationships, arousal not equating to consent, broken conditional consent, etc.)

This was very helpful to watch, and very emotional for me. I spent 5 years in a relationship with someone that raped and mentally abused me, 2 years later and I wish I would have left him sooner or reported him. I’m learning to be kinder to myself now, I can’t change what happened, but I can survive it.

you guys are so brave, i really appreciate that you share your story. It takes immense courageous. I hope you guys heal better each day

Thank you to these people for sharing. This has opened my eyes very much. That lady really needs to be casted as Jasmine in Aladdin...

I was 10 when I was sexually abused- by my older sisters boyfriend. I went through 5 years of dealing with the guilt and heavy weight of feeling like a burden to everyone around me- I’m 17 now almost 18 and I can finally talk about it openly with other people- Watching this today brings me to tears just knowing how tough and brave you are to speak up about something like this and to actually over come this type of thing- I know today that what happened back then is not what defines me, I decide what I want to define me- I will not let it control my life and the way I see people and the world.

this is truly truly eye-opening and inspiring. thank you so much for your courage to share your experiences. Respect.

these people: i was raped others: WhAt WeRe YoU wEaRiNg?

Being sexually abused by my own brother when I was 6-7 years old has made me open my eyes to sex, pleasure and pain, family issues and the fact that any person, whether it's a blood relative or not is capable of abuse as there is no 'black' or 'white'. He told me it's playtime, and that it's a secret between us in return for a candy he'll buy for us his younger sibling when he gets home from highschool. As I grew up, I despised men, generalizing them on what they can do to me. I didn't want to be near them, especially talking to them, even when they're a relative. I avoided them, isolated myself even from girls as to save myself of shame, disgust and what's left of my family's reputation. I got highly conscious and conservative, thinking I must not see such dirty and nauseating part of our family. I get suicidal thoughts and have already hurt myself a few times. People found me weird and would often ask me why I always wear jackets or longsleeves when it's hot. They accuse me of being secretive when I don't say anything about my family. I stayed silent about my lack of virginity and knowledge about sex, even from my parents. But shouldering that info alone is exhausting. Now, few of my friends and a school guidance counselor know about this. It's both relieving and still depressing, but now they know my pain. I still resent rapists and incest to the point of wanting to take their dicks off or pull out their nipples. And I get sick thinking of a future where I marry someone and still be able to live with this fact. Please take care of your siblings and partners properly and throw those abusive, unhealthy ideas out of the way.

Major respect for all these people who were brave to speak about their trauma.✊🏽

I'm crying my eyes out right now.. I needed to see this video. I was just thinking about this exact topic yesterday to see if such videos would help me and then suddenly I saw this video. Thank you. I really mean it. Especially the words they directed towards the viewers at the end just hit me hard. I pray that no one evers goes through a sexual violence experience or any harmful experience generally..

I’m so happy that a man was included

Rape is the only crime that doesn't have an excuse. If you kill somebody that was attacking you, that's self-defence. If you steal something vital like food or medicine, then you are trying to not starve. But if you sexually assault anybody, there is no excuse for it.

I had a bit of the same experience. I told friends of mine what happened to me when I was in high school and they both told me they didn't believe me. I was 14 years old and didn't really know what my next steps were and to have people I trusted tell me they think I'm lying really made me believe that's how everyone would react, so I didn't end up doing anything when even at that young age, I would have wanted to hold the student who assaulted me accountable. I didn't end up telling anyone else until I was 19 and found out that I would of course be believed, I just needed better friends.

This video has got to be one of my all time favourite videos. Thanks to the production team for making this such a respectful and educational video. And of course, sending love and support to the ones in this video and to everyone out there who is going through emotional hurt and trauma. Your feelings are valid. Don't let the many ignorant people in society tell you otherwise.

Thank you so much for sharing your stories and in turn educating thousands. Being the receiver of sexual violence must have been so hard to go through and I cannot imagine how terrible and utterly terrifying it was. You are all incredibly brave and amazing people :)

Oh my god...I’m so sorry that you guys went through this you guys are so strong . I hope who ever did this to you goes through so much pain bc of what they did to you ... I love you guys so much ..

This is impressively educating! Appreciate the disclosure and sharing of such unfortunate events. Hugs!

I honestly really feel for them all, they give me hope tht I can still have a normal life after it from 8 to 13 I’m 15 now , let’s just say I really think I’m gonna be honest with my family about it soon, I think I should get the help.

This was so relatable. Happened to me before too at 17 and i was terrified and was afraid of victim shaming or people not believing me if i told them. I was afraid of the judgement of family and friends so i didn’t tell them till years later when i felt better. Thank you so much for making this video, everyone was so brave and amazing for being able to talk about it for all to see. Please share this video with everyone!!!

Hi. Just wanted to say that your content is 10/10. Thank you for making this series! Keep it coming. :)

Thank you for your courage to putting it out here.

"were you asking for it " tf?! Why is this a question I'm so mad