Whether we like it or not, life -- in its particulars -- is often a zero-sum game. In order to get what you want, it is often the case that no one else can have it. And getting what you want typically involves winning out against your competition. As a general rule, overpaying is the cost of winning: you will need to give more than anyone else in order to secure the desired good. One of the unintended consequences of this is that getting what you want tends to be disappointing. This is because -- in order to win any particular good -- you likely had to pay more than that good was worth. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/jdiIdd2Cl66odYU.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: kzfaq.info/love/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #winner #success

It isn’t the destination, it’s the journey. We don’t become happy by getting what we want. We become happy when we become the man who is capable of getting what we want.

I started a company from nothing and grew it to $100 million/year. I never expected friends and even family members to be so toxically envious. My younger sibling actually refuses to communicate with me and it’s torn our family apart at the end of our parents’ lives. Those buddies you used to run with and chase women at the pub? They won’t return your calls. Yeah, I drive a nicer car now, but I’m still the same guy, yet others change. I have a new understanding of why they say it’s lonely at the top. Happy to be an early subscriber to what I found to be the most resourceful channel on KZfaq. Lots of new things learned, but also love the occasional feeling of validation “holy shit… exactly!” There is an additional level of credibility and fidelity in that the good doctor resists the temptation of paid advertising. Thanks, Dr. O

"You must choose between the pain of discipline or the pain of regret." "You can either have instant gratification or constant gratification."

“The best things in life are for free, the second best are very expensive “

"It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable." -Socrates

I had an Indian boss once many years ago who said the key to being happy is controlling what you want. If something you want is going to cost you your free time, your hobbies, your relationships, access to you family, maybe your sanity, maybe you should think harder about exactly why you want it in the first place.

I've been watching KZfaq since its inception over 20 years ago. This is the first video I've ever contributed to financially. This is the story of life. Not the goal, but who you become. That's why I will never play the lottery. If want to become a millionaire, I need to be willing to go on the journey of becoming the person who is a millionaire. I need to face my fears, doubts, insecurities, bad habits, lack of discipline and focus, risk intolerance, time management, unwillingness to question my limiting beliefs, everything. Bravo. One more thing I will add. The reason I contributed financially? He asked. He has the willingness to ask to be compensated for the value he provided. And he got it. Another life lesson, you have to be willing to ask for what you want.

Out of all the languages Orion could've spoken, he chose to speak facts.

Hence why I don't overpay for stuff. If you do a cost-benefit analysis and the cost was too high for what you are trying to get, find cheaper options. If there are no cheaper options in the market then you have two choices - either overpay or go without. The choice is yours. ✝

This is 100% true. Any and every time I have every "won" big, it came at an enormous cost: time, friends, a few family members, money and even some of my health. Just the way it is.

I didn't expect such a life lesson. It was the newest thing I've ever learned. I always had this mentality that I should find a way to do the least effort to gain the optimal or acceptable result. That didn't get me anywhere. You have to be passionate enough to be willing to put in more effort than anyone else. If you're not overpaying it only means you don't love it that much or you're just ignorant.

This describes my youth precisely. I was driven by the next goal, achievement, or possession. There was no limit to what I would sacrifice in time, energy, and resources to fulfill my next WANT. And pretty much every time I succeeded I immediately felt disappointed. Oh well, on to the next WANT! I've found that the best way for me os to stop or reduce my WANT. The most valuable things or people in my life that bring me the most joy, were free or cost me very little. I've found this to be a much more fulfilling way to live...

In terms of relationships, the "overpaying" is true in the scenarios where one party doesn't have much interest, and the other "overcompensates" to win them over. A lot of times, it's the man chasing a woman who is out of his league, or just not interested in him on a personal level. I used to feel bad for guys who put themselves in that "pursuer" position that seems demeaning, but perhaps it can give them a massive motivation to improve themselves. I still think that the best scenarios are when the two people make simultaneous and visible steps towards building the relationship. Then, neither one overpays.

This might be the best video for high achievers ever made. The reward for winning is the journey and work required to achieve; not the outcome (although this can be marginally satisfying also).

Thanks! Always solid content. You are making a difference in your viewers' lives.

"Before we desire anything too much.....we ought to consider how happy those are who already have it." Paraphrased from philosopher La Rochefoucauld. Paradox, truth.

I feel my competitor is not others, but time; time catching up with me is what I'm racing against.

The "good" you were seeking became the pretext to move you through the transformative process........ He nails it there

This is only true if you chase things everyone wants. If you bet on things early before they're cool and build them into something everyone wants, you get something quite valuable at rock bottom prices. And even if you don't you have a great story to tell

This channel is a literal gold mine of modern psych concepts that are important to conceptualize. Bravo mate 🙏👌👍

For me, it's the idea that in order to get what I want, I have to be the one to sacrifice. After all... no pain, no gain, right?

I invested and dedicated 5 years of regular practice in becoming good with women. That meant approaching at least 3 to 5 women a day at least three times a week, supplemented by approaching when I felt attracted to a woman on my way to work and other occasions. This led to 1000s of approaches and interactions with women, hundreds of dates and a few relationships along the way which were quite educative. These interactions happened in different countries across Europe. So it was also quite an international experience. The outcome is a version of myself that is more confident, grounded, self-assured and resilient to difficulties and challenges given by our environment. It was a transformative journey which made me wiser, more humble and better understanding of what is attractive to me and what is attractive to women. And finally, I am now in a healthy, nurturing relationship with a woman I love. And I am looking forward to even more growth, as a relationship is simply the next chapter of our journey to grow as a person. The reward is having lived a fulfilling life with a feeling of contentment when looking back at it on our deathbed.

This is a bloody great channel. This guys a G, he definitely found his calling in life.

This is the most useful video I've ever watched on your channel and that's saying something because I've watched a lot of them.

After having gone through this for the last 15 years, I can say, it has been worth it...for me at least. I just had this conversation with someone more or less just starting out in life. I am now at a stage where I can be personally serviced in every way without leaving the comforts of my home and where my home is literally more comfortable and well equipped than any top 5-star hotel or resort. I have peace of mind. I can actually work less. I can decide when and what I work on. It's worth it.

You're dropping gems 💎! Thank you!

Our goals don't make us happy, they make us better -and *that* makes us happy. 💯

this is the best explanation on the web about why it is most important to value the process over the destination... the only value isn't in the moment of being acknowledged as a winner/champion but is in the alchemy of reaching one's highest potential after all the sacrifice/dedication/overpaying

I came to this conclusion long ago. And I went for the last option, being content with what i have, knowing I'm better off than probably 80% of folks out there. It's a game of diminishing returns.

Right on! After being a poor musician all my life, I became rich by cleaning toilets. Literally. Having a large AirBnb business meant cleaning a 30 room "hotel" for 5 hours, every day, for years.On top of taking care of al other aspects of the business.Yes, it was worth it, but almost cost me my life.Still worth it.

"Everyone should strive to become a millionaire, not for the million dollars, but for what it will make of you to achieve it." -Jim Rohn

100% truth. I'm happy this video came out today, as I was explaining the exact same concept to a friend of mine. I'm saving to buy an expensive luxury item. It's not the item itself, but how saving for it has caused me to become more disciplined and practice delayed gratification.

Fabulous episode. I like when he goes full-blown trained therapist.

I love this video. There is a cold hard truth to what he says, especially for a sensitive/creative type like myself, but this message is someone everyone needs to hear. And yes, it is possible to be happy by deciding certain things cost too much. I think that’s much of our society today, productive, happy, good parents, family, etc. all referred to as “stable”, which is what most people really want. But to stand out, really make a difference, yes, overpaying is required. Great video, great message to start 2024

The idea that one pursues goals because to achieve them necessitates a self-transformative process that is really more rewarding than achieving the initial goal is brilliant and true.

Your 10 min content better then self help books, I appreciate your effort men! thanks for your content.

In order to win, you must love competition. You must develop a killer mindset and be prepared to go the distance.

I’ve noticed that when a lot of teams win a championship and hold up the trophy, you can kind of see the melancholy looks on a lot of their faces like “this is it?”

Being aware that there is a trap is the first step in avoiding it. Before undertaking a costly effort, a wise individual should first discern if the juice is worth the squeeze.

A logical, valuable lesson. Sadly, most who need it already knew and rejected it.

PsycHacks is sounding like David Goggins! 😜

Growing takes discomfort. But it's the only way to live IMO.

My goal isn't to be the best at anything. I inherently despise competitive goals that require somebody else to lose so that I can win. My goal is to be a better version of myself tomorrow than I was yesterday. That is an attainable goal, and it doesn't take anything away from anybody else.

So well put. 1000% correct!

I think I can highly relate on that: I've been renovating an apartment for nearly 2years all by myself at 28yo, with almost no knowledges or previous experiences in that matter. While it was very fun and pleasing to imagine the renovation, how to organize rooms and make it the best version possible, being at the end of this massive commitment of 2years makes me feel almost as "was all of this really worth it?" Like it's supposed to be the most pleasant part of the renovation when you finally hit the point when you are building the kitchen, bathrooms and making the last finish touches, but i'm like so bored of everything and it makes me want to rush it to just end this experience right now. And so ofc the cost of having a fully renovated apartment in the idea i wanted it to be, had been mentally, physically tested all through it, up and downs like crazy, constant battles with yourself doing things you dont wanna do but you know you have to cause no one else will, to embrace discipline and get rid of "motivational" boost cause it's never as effective as being disciplined. I've come to realize with your video than even if i should be content with this journey and finally touching the result of what i imagined for so long, I should be even more content with myself for sticking with my discipline day after day, going at it sick, tired, unmotivated. It teached me that perfection is not impossible but it requires so much conditions and attention on a daily basis to not fck it up. I do feel like a more complete man now than I was 2years ago, being that swissknife asset, and useful which my father always preached us to be. I do see the light at the end of the tunnel and thanks to your video I may be more gentle with myself, I guess self love for men is a long and painful process but only us can truly make it progress

Always to the point!

Another banger, much appreciated

This is so powerful, well said bro

The process towards winning really does suck to an extent but actually is the more enjoyable part of it, glorification after winning is a bonus

Dr. Orion, thank you!

Great share Orion, thank you!

Stated with clarity. Thank you.

You don't always overpay for things. Sometimes it's the opposite. Sometimes there is a fire sale going on and there are bargains to be had. It's just that interest rates were at zero for so long that everything (economic and otherwise) is overpriced and lots of people can't even remember when things were cheap.

I admire you Dr Orion.

When the Internet came out, people were very slow to understand that the impact of the Internet and global connectedness was that we would increasingly come to live in a “winner take most” society where only the top two or three companies get most of the market share. We’ve now come to live in a world where we are not just connected commercially, but interpersonally as well, and COVID accelerated that. This video is absolutely essential in understanding that fact. The importance of this video cannot be overstated. It’s so important, in fact, I considered writing an entire book about it, and asked ChatGPT to write an outline for me, and come up with titles for such a book. However, the creator of this channel came up with the concept, so I feel it’s only right to share this information with him. This video warrants an entire book. I hope he writes it… 1. Introduction: Introduce the concept of ‘overpaying’ in various aspects of life due to globalization and technological advancements. Explain how the book will explore these themes 2. Historical Context: Discuss the evolution of market dynamics and social interactions pre-internet era versus the digital age. Highlight key technological and societal shifts. 3. Economic Theory and Winner-Takes-Most Markets: Analyze how globalization and digital platforms have led to a few dominant players in various sectors. Discuss economic theories that support this phenomenon. 4. The Personal Cost in Professional Life: Explore the idea of ‘overqualifying’ oneself for jobs and the increasing expectations in the professional sphere. Include real-world examples and interviews. 5. The Real Estate Market Dynamics: Delve into how the real estate market exemplifies this concept, with people often paying more than the market value in competitive scenarios. 6. Interpersonal Relationships in a Connected World: Analyze how the dynamics of dating and relationships have changed. Discuss the concept of ‘overpaying’ in emotional, financial, or effort terms. 7. Psychological Impact: Explore the psychological effects of living in a society where overpaying is often necessary for success. 8. Global Perspective: Provide a global view, comparing different cultures and societies in terms of how they adapt to or resist these trends. 9. Coping Mechanisms and Strategies: Offer advice on navigating these challenges without compromising personal values and well-being. 10. Future Outlook: Speculate on future trends and how emerging technologies like AI might influence this phenomenon. 11. Conclusion: Summarize the key insights and leave the reader with thought-provoking questions or action points. And here are some suggested titles: 1. “The Overpayment Effect: Navigating Success in a Winner-Takes-Most World” 2. “Paying More to Win: The Hidden Costs of Success in the Digital Age” 3. “Beyond the Price Tag: The New Rules of Winning in Work, Love, and Life” 4. “The High Cost of Winning: Overpaying in a Globalized Society” 5. “The Overbid Society: Understanding the Real Price of Success” 6. “Exceeding the Bar: How We Pay More in the Age of Globalization” 7. “Winning at a Premium: The Unseen Costs of Success in Modern Times” It seems to me that the key for success in the future will be increasing specialization. What we each ought to do is assess what we value most and then realize that we must not only pay what’s required, but we will pay more than what’s required because there’s a non-economic payoff to us for whatever the thing is - a price that most others won’t pay. It’s in those specific idiosyncratic scenarios where we are likely to win. The days of being a balanced, well-rounded individual and succeeding on all fronts is over.

Excellent video as always.

I’m glad I found this channel, the message is on point and no ads.

Absolutely brilliant.

Brilliant analogy!!

I love your analogies Dr. Orion; always paint the picture well

The best advice I have heard in years! Thank you.

Anothet gem! Dr. OT always providing satiating food for thought..keep up the great work!

This was one of your best videos to date and something that I personally really needed to hear. I cannot explain how much this has resonated with me and I feel that wayyyy more people need to hear this in order to come to these realizations. Thank you so much for all the time and effort that you put into these sessions because the world really does need more people with an honest and grounded perspective like yours. Much respect -never stop doing what you're doing.

This is one of your best videos! I'm so glad you put this out I hope it sobers, and re-sobers people up. Thank you! Success is paid for up front. It's like generating the cash on hand for something in the material world.

Brilliant! Thank you for sharing:)

I really enjoyed this. Thank you!

Very powerful and profound truth! 🔥

Thanks, Dr Orion!

Fantastic episode! You got right with the ten minute videos. I try not miss a single one. Adding long form of the same subject say one hour might work for those captured by the subject but would obviously be a lot more work. BTW, keep up the good work!

Great insights. Your videos are always helpful. Keep up the good work

Brilliantly put!

Your videos keep getting better and better.

Wow, this is huge and makes so much sense! Why hasn't anyone talked about this before? Thank you!

Thank you, love this and your content!

Brilliant as usual🧠

Love the channel, you make rational sense of things.

your videos have had a big impact on my life, thanks so much

Straight 🔥 Orion!

Very interesting content. Thank you for making me think about this (and agreeing). Very thought provoking.

Thanks for the valuable knowledge, Boss!

Thanks! Worth Every penny. Love the content, phenomenal explanation. Fantastic idea to use the word Alchemy!

2nd video of yours i’ve watched, both pretty spot on and full of insights new to me. Thanks, and please keep up this awesome work!

Great insight. Thank you for the new perspective. Another way of explaining the journey over the destination is what matters.

Amazing gem of a video !

Absolutely spot on! Achieving something (winning) always takes more energy and time than what I have been expecting / hoping for. However, I also expect that the cost will be quite higher than anticipated, and when it happens then it's not a big deal, and cause for celebrations when the cost is not as high as I expected.

thank you for the wisdom you share freely with us. it has made my life so much easier and pain-free.

Wow! Definitely watching the rest of Orion's videos.

Great message, again.

Fresh perspective I have never heard of, very useful to inverse some of the costs of valuable things in life

This was truly a remarkable video

This was some of the single best life and career advice I've ever heard. Incredible take and though perhaps common in psych, new to me. Many thx.

Thank you, Orion

Fantastic video, this one really sticks , appreciate your channel n content blessings Orion

Love this video! So true! And there’s a corollary - those not willing to overpay are very annoyed at those who do. They will often call them “maniacal” or “working too much is not good for your health”, or “just be natural”…

Wow, Thank you so much for this video. I was feeling slightly bitter and resentful for how much I have to work and "give" to maintain the success I have had in the past 2 years, This video just put so much into perspective and washed away the bitterness. I am actually happy to "overpay".

This guy is good. Every video I learn something new and that’s super hard to do with an educational channel👏🏾

Dr. Taraban - You speak the cold hard truth. Always grateful to your content 🙏🏻

Good info. Thank you. It especially makes sense that getting what we want may not be worth it, which is one of the reasons I've dropped out of the dating market indefinitely. The effort you have to put in, the pain you likely have to endure, etc...appear to not be worth it.

Never a truer word spoken. 👌🏾