Parents treat their kids like expensive pets and then when they grow up they demand respect and help because "we've sacrificed so much for you" and now you owe us!

This video is a profile of my mother. The salient contradiction is that though she is paranoid and overprotective of me, she has a rather insouciant disposition toward any of my interests and the intimate details of my life. In fact, she is utterly apathetic!

They are the antithesis of what a healthy parent is. So much harm is done directly and indirectly by parents like these, who refuse to be accountable for their own behavior.

You basically described my ex husband's parents. They are still helicoptering over this grown man and trying to fix his life and save him from the consequences of his actions

My parents sheltered me, but there were adverse consequences in the home. Many punishments for trying to become my own self, within the home. Now, at 63, I am in a broken relationship with my family out of finally trying to build boundaries. Now everything is my fault. This all occurred after the death of my only son. That trauma brought up lifelong trauma. I am in counseling trying to work through a lifetime of this strange upbringing, as well as the death of my son. My family thinks I should go back to my old way of living. Letting them run my life, even though I have my own husband and life. They think I am punishing them for my problems. I’m just trying to heal. I honestly don’t know how to work through this.

Such parents spiritually "castrate" their child, they steal its inner power and breath of life, will, enternal life fire..

My mother was and is like this, overprotective, paranoid, nosy etc. My father was and is like that too but not to that extreme of my mother. I think she is rather borderline and he a narcissist. Both had traumatic childhoods of their own. I grew up to be a covert narcissist. I pretty much display all of the symptoms.

I was married to a man in a similar - but perhaps slightly different type of situation. He came off as extremely helpless and able to make everyone feel sorry for him, protect him, and want to rescue him - rescue him from me - for he was very good at making it all appear "as if" I was the one who brought this all upon him. Being married to him meant bearing the burden of looking as if I was the cause of his helpless appearance and he just emanated victimhood in every action and behavior. He refused to walk beside me in public and insisted on walking behind me - like a duckling following mother duck. It bothered me so much. I would slow down for him to catch up and he would just slow down more. He was never allowed to be assertive growing up and he refused to be assertive with me (instead he was extremely manipulative and got everything he wanted that way). He would not allow me to be assertive either and he could not see the difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness - choosing to see them as the same. He could send very clear messages of victimhood without saying a word. I couldn't wait to get away from him and the burden of looking as if I was responsible for his poor, helpless, picked on behavior. Yes, he had been in a very close symbiotic relationship with his mother - her surrogate husband.

Thanks for this video. This was my problem as a mother to my son due to narc abuse from the father and his dysfunctional family members. I was being a "mama bear" while trying to detach from the narc shared fantasy. I was overwhelmed and overprotective and did not realize how harmful it was at the time, now I'm trying to repair the damage in a balanced, healthy & positive way. We have all been victims of narcissistic abuse due to the CYCLE OF insanity in the world, I just hope that we can all help each other heal and BECOME a better, safe, and realistic society FREE FROM ABUSE & evil forever. #Team 🌎

This applies to grandparents too, in my experience.

My mother!!!! Thank god my dad was normal!!

Thanks Sam 🙏🏻

Yes, they keep a catalogue by year of trespasses against them. In 1987...in 1997, in 2018. Meanwhile no one else remembers those events.

Oh god this is so true... thank you for all these great videos. My parents have been overprotective. I can really see myself in all of what said in the video. I beg for a solution. I feel like i what to cry but i cant.I feel like i kid in a adult body. I feel like im in internal pain constanly. I feel my mind is broken. I don't function very well in the world. Again i beg for a solution to all this pain. What to do???? I have beeen in soooooo much terapy but nothing really helps :(

I recognize the pattern in my family and I am worried I might become an overprotective parent.

This explains a lot of what I see in the African-American community

Would you please be willing to share your thoughts on gangstalking? And how to get rid of them?

This is on point with my daughter’s father and his new partner who has a son with my ex. I was strong enough to leave when my daughter was 2 but I’m often dealing with his partner as he uses her to regain control over my child. I see my child experiences all these things and I try to balance it out for her but how do you prevent any of this manipulation? My child was in tears that her father would be upset if she didn’t bring her tablet to a bday party so she could communicate with him during. I feel I am forever fighting for the preservation of her self identity and independence. How can I protect the damage through her development unless I can keep him from seeing her?

Yuck, I knew this video was going to explain my situation with my parents especially my mom who is the ultimate helicopter parent w/ unresolved trauma of her own + OCD (germaphobe type) and covert NPD. I was adopted after my mom had an ab*rtion plus five miscarriages so you know I was extremely spoiled... This is sort of an exaggeration, but I can just be tying my shoes and my parents will say I'm amazing and extremely smart, lol. It actually makes me feel like I'm intellectually disabled when they compliment me on having completed such a simple task and that has an affect on any compliment I receive from anyone. My mom would compliment me and bring up my gifted status while simultaneously asking me why I couldn't be more like *insert ex friend's name or one of her students*. I was and still am always being compared to someone outside the home. In high school I started posting ads online to find older guys I could stay with to avoid going to school and to avoid being at home because I hated the control and I'm inherently a bit defiant as it is. Of course my mom would call the police on me so I'd have to come home. I was moreso avoiding truancy officers during the day lol. She tried to dress me until I was 16, as well as tell me which friends I could have. Even now at 29 she's the type to ask to speak to someone's parents, so I just don't have friends and only date long distance. I still feel like a child inside and it didn't help that I wet the bed until 17, sucked my fingers until 22, and only recently learned how to drive although I don't have my license yet and am in no way eager to get it. I still live with my parents because they still provide everything for me, so I don't have any reason to move out. I'm also the designated cook, as well as the designated mediator between them as there are no conversations in this house without arguments. I'm a bit worried and think about finding their replacement constantly since they're in their 70s and 80s. As a child, I was extremely independent and would physically push my mom away to the point where I'd sit on her head with a pillow as she slept and hoped she'd stop breathing and I even hit her in the face w/ a tennis racket at six. I've told her that I see her as a roommate that I tolerate. As a child I just saw her as the maid and would boss her around to do things for me. She'd decline and then do it anyway, so I never respected her. Now she just seems to be afraid of me and wants to give me everything materialistically. She has gotten me out of every consequence in my life... I definitely struggle w/ staying in a victim mentality w/ learned helplessness. I'm only aware of that because my dad has spoken to me about it, as well as an ex-coworker. I have used it to make others feel sorry for me. My ex of five years called me arrogant, antisocial, and a parasite, so I told him to just go away after he called me out. He has "mommy issues" as well (mom would go into his room and clean or throw whatever away, still does his laundry, etc.). I can relate a lot to the part about "reality testing" and seeing a partner as godlike. I'd call the partners I had Daddy or Master and would take what they said as gospel even when they were wrong. I'd actually change my thoughts to match theirs while also seeing them as lesser than or plain stupid... I don't really want to change. It would be nice to find a guy who is willing to replace her and just accept my antics, but I don't trust easily, get bored quickly and know love is conditional. Oh well. I'm forever a puella aeterna, lol. Thanks for another great relatable video!

Till watching this episode, I used to believe that anybody could be cursed with peoplepleasing but the narcissist.

Hello all i'm this child 😂 And yes i have big problems with boundaries. Thanks mom ❤

A fairly old, brand new lilly thanks Sam

Excellent and insightful presentation!

Wow

His end comments are true - my stb ex husband’s parents are vile - they’ve kept him stunted and an extension of them all his life after neglecting him. Both narcs. And he became a notorious covert narc. I’m divorcing after over 10 years. He’s been a host to a demon for years after it latched on in childhood. It’s crushingly sad but unless he sees he needs deliverance nothing will change. He tried to gain separation from his mom esp, whilst with me but ALWAYS goes back to them both. His infant self just can’t do without mommy & daddy. I’ve had to leave him or I would have permanently lost myself - I was stuck fighting for myself but now I’m free physically - now to heal in every way with God ❤️‍🩹🙏🏾 especially mental healing & freedom 🙏🏾

Hello Prof. Vaknin. Is the type of person you describe in this video someone who has dependant personnality disorder ? What books or recommendations do you have regarding this subject ? It doesn't appear to be much information about this personality disorder, sadly. From someone that probably suffer from it, I can say that the helplessness is feigned but also really deeply feeled. I can't see myself surviving or self-regulating or taking care of myself, without my partner. I'm constantly searching for people to "add" to the list of "those who could take care of me, in case something go wrong". I am also very jealous of any attention my "caregivers" could give out to someone else. To the point of self harming really badly.

I was aware of it all since I was 20 with first panic attack I don't know how many roles my mother put on me to play unfortunately all here family line is same mental sick .If I ever find way out I will be happy.Balkan is sick where ever I turn I see similar sh.. Seriously where to go to heal I don't know.

So if we have oveprotective parent we are doomed and have no chance to be ih healthy relationship? Can you offer us some options how we can "cure" this?

Do disabled adults end up with symptoms of being overprotected in cases in which they truly required more support than their peers?

are the accounts ever closed? or does the process just go from woman to woman

@professorvaknin My name is Richelle I come from two narcissist parents (traits of borderline) I have had difficulty parenting and I am a victim of narcissistic abuse. I turned into the narcissist at several points of my life. QUESTION how can my 3 adult children individuate from me? 2 boys one girl in their 20’s. Help! I LOVE YOUR WORK!

What would you recommend if you co-parent with someone who’s over-protects and spoils the children so the child doesn’t experience upset?

So the child grows up to be a narcissist? Because the in the video it sounds like the child becomes a dependant adult but not necessarily a narcissist?

Aren't these "overprotective parents" narcissistic too? I mean the description sounds like it.

Can i ask: what the difference between narcs and overprotectibe parents? It's same narc?

Add religion and you'll feel like you are in some kind of holy bubble and everyone else is "evil".