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people pleasers are not the problem...
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Күн бұрынI've changed my mind about people pleasing. why do we victim blame people pleasers (people pleasers are not the problem)? why do some people people please? have you considered this? people pleasers are trying to break the cycle of people pleasing, but why do we stop there? we never talk about the cause of people pleasing. What is the root? Breaking the Cycle: Why We Must Stop Blaming People Pleasers. People pleasers are not the problem in our world. people pleasing is a survival tactic. people pleasers were never the problem. | healing diaries.
content included: Break the victim blaming cycle, healing from people pleasing, victim blaming people pleasers, people pleasers are not the problem, people pleasing is a survival tactic, surviving abuse, surviving trauma, healing diaries, healing journey, Black woman people pleasing, healing for Black women, self love for people pleasers, self love for Black women, affirmations for Black women, learning to love myself, healing people pleasing,
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@ClayMastah344 7 ай бұрын
It’s all about convenience with people. Advantage is convenient. Disadvantage is not. It’s why all the isms are always upheld and why our society constantly targets the weaker links oppressed in these social dynamics. It’s EASIER to highlight the person that’s not in the wrong than the person that is. I think you’re brave for doing what so few refuse to.
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
THIS. ALL OF THIS. It's so much easier to vilifiy the victim than actually solve the problem. Thank you so much for hearing my heart on this. It really means a lot to me. 🫂💛🌸🌻 I hope you're we having a beautiful day 🥰
@fromlacktolegacy 7 ай бұрын
Thank you for say it, I'm a recovering people pleaser..I just want to get along... it has nothing to do with what I can get....it has more to do with can we have peace..can you not hurt me...BRAVO!!! you provide the words that I can't find...I care deeply about any human that enters my space and I want kindness and peace, it hurts me even more when people do just what you said labeling me as manipulative or having low self esteem...neither of those are true ......Alecia thank you🙏
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
Yeeeeeeeeeees!!!! Ms. Sondra, this!!! Ans same! I care so much and I'm tired of being told to stop caring. This also ties into abundance, you know? There's enough to go around, but the folks who care and are impassioned to do good are often exhausted. You're doing such life changing and generous work! You're setting people free. Your care is saving lives 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾🫂🫂🫂 there is nothing manipulative about that. Thank YOU for everything you have done and are doing!!!
@mknelson-hillmon7698 7 ай бұрын
I had a so called friend that i used to help financially at times and do nice things for her when she was in need. She had the nerve to tell me i was a people pleaser. Was i a people pleaser when i was doing nice things for her? Of course not. Basically i finally saw that she was taking my kindness for granted. I stopped helping her and now i rarely hear from her.
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
First of all, I am SO sorry you experienced this. 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂 That can be traumatizing and heart breaking. You were a good friend. 💛💛💛 You did nothing wrong by caring. Secondly, this makes me sad on another level. It's almost like these people know you care, so they use you for their benefit. But when they seek to exploit and you say "no", they leave. I hope you don't regret the love and care you gave because it was beautiful. 🌻🌻🌻 That was a brave and generous thing to do. Your kindewas not wasted and you *WILL* be replenished. I'm sending you all the love and joy right now.
@mknelson-hillmon7698 7 ай бұрын
@@AleciaRenece Watching your videos are very uplifting and informative. Thank u for all that u do.
@queenlauralee47 7 ай бұрын
I am so over it as well. My sister got mad at me for years. She stopped allowing our kids to be together just because I told her "no"😮 That one "no" canceled out millions and years of "yes" of helping her and her children. It is total manipulation as well as exploitation...really!!
@fheightnight7092 7 ай бұрын
This almost made me cry, I get so angry at myself for people-pleasing even though I know why I find it hard to advocate for what I actually want. Now I know how to channel kindness for myself when it comes to that.
@34missgreen 7 ай бұрын
As a fellow recovering people-pleaser (without boundaries), this video is so timely. I am currently processing and grieving a situation in which I have had to come to terms with cruelty and apathy in the world. Although people mean well by telling us that we need boundaries and should curtail how we care, like you said, it feels like we're being corrected and lectured when we're not the problem. It's dually traumatizing.
@susanmutua9284 7 ай бұрын
Thanks Alecia. This is so true......Also growing up in an african culture that teaches women to always be agreeable and respect authority regardless is damaging. The idea is that if you are not sweet, kind, agreeable, you are not wife material and God honoring Christin woman.... It's still a long journey for me and am sure a lot of women from this culture to really break away and learn to speak up. Like you said I have to give myself compassion and grace while working through this kind of programming.
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
ALL. 👏🏾 OF. 👏🏾THIS.👏🏾 And thank you so much for sharing the perspective of coming from an African background and experience. This is HUGE. I can definitely relate when it comes to being a Christian. So many women serve because they want to and are taken advantage, where we see today women doing most (if not all) of the labor and men benefiting. It's so painful to witness. I've seen women give their last because they sincerely care and pastors and leaders take advantage of that. *sigh*. It's such a dangerous set up. And, how the idea of marriage is sold to women like that gives them value, safety and belonging. It completely makes sense. Yeeeeeeeeeees to compassion and grace. You deserve it ALL. You're doing LOVELY. Take it one day at a time. 🫂🌸🌻🫶🏾 I'm cheering you on.
@SM_369 7 ай бұрын
Someone can naturally be a caring person without it being a trauma response (fawn).
@kameshiam1674 7 ай бұрын
Preach girl! I pulled back because i didnt understand why caring is bad. Plus being blamed for people taking your kindness ( that they needed) and then turning against you. Thats crazy.
@Datb2 7 ай бұрын
You really hit the nail with this one. I recently met a woman while staying at a Airbnb for a month and wanted to help her bc she didn’t have a car. I’d drive her to the grocery store, etc then we ended up becoming acquainted. She began to open up to me about her life woes and I provided a listening ear so I felt like comfortable enough to do the same. Like a switch the next day she stopped talking to me. I called her out and she blocked me then quietly left the Airbnb. I have never felt such a blow like that in my life. People suck so bad.
@fracklov 7 ай бұрын
How nurses get exploited. Especially by these big corporations.
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS. I have family who are nurses and they work SO hard because they care for their patients, but the corporations don't care for them. They are understaffed, overworked and under paid. Watching how they were treated during the pandemic was AWFUL to witness. 🫂🌻🌸
@samonecharisma3043 7 ай бұрын
I’ve come to realize this as well. I’m not going to be more harder and less loving. I just need to be loving to those that appreciate me
@VoyageHER 7 ай бұрын
Oh my goodness! This is such a necessary addition to the people pleaser conversation. I remember when I first heard that people pleasing is a way of manipulating people. It threw me for a loop and made me feel guilty as if that was my hidden intention all along and it was finally revealed. Thanks for sharing this perspective. It resonates so much more than what I've been hearing over the last few years and it's insane that I haven't heard this mentioned before. I appreciate you giving us the missing piece 💜
@cristiful1O1 7 ай бұрын
Yes! Yes! Yes! All of it. Nobody is inviting themselves to get taken advantage of, especially at work. We do it because systems in place will keep us from having boundaries. If being evicted isn’t a consequence, if being blamed and shamed isn’t a consequence, if being misunderstood and judged isn’t a consequence, people pleasers would have the best boundaries. The systems and the the individuals who roles are to take, manipulate, invalidate and gaslight are causing the most harm. The “pleasers” in this white supremacist capitalist society are just trying to survive psychological and material terror. When wanting to collaborate, share, or take care of someone, not out fear or survival, is equated with people pleasing… that’s a disingenuous conclusion. If you want love, you give love. If you want kindness, you give it. If you pour attention on someone and they don’t reciprocate, that doesn’t mean the attention was just a means to an end. The person does it because they want to. Shesh!
@malaikalovee 7 ай бұрын
Thank you for speaking on this because this narrative thats being spun around these days is crazy
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for hearing my heart on this. I'm realizing how many things we say and believe because of programming. I've literally been taught that caring and serving is wrong. We got this all backwards. 🫂🌻🫶🏾🌸 Much love and joy to you!!!
@Lunay08 7 ай бұрын
I've never heard anyone say that about people pleaser, and as a people pleaser, that is not AT ALL what our objectives are. I'm not trying to manipulate people, or be fake, or get anything from ANYBODY. The main reason I people please, is to avoid confrontation and conflict. I've lived almost my ENTIRE LIFE with these 2 and the way I try to avoid it is by people pleasing. Conflict and confrontation give me SO much anxiety. I want to avoid them at all cost and the way to avoid them and protect my heart is to people please. That's all. We're not out here trying to get something from anybody. We're trying to protect our damaged hearts from being hurt anymore. We're constantly on the defensive to protect ourselves. This is my experience anyway
@chrissy34787 7 ай бұрын
You are speaking to my soul!!! It took me being broken by my narcissist covert ex to realize how him, my friends and even family members were using and abusing me. It’s sucks when your kindness and love is used against you. It really does open your eyes to the evil in this world that you never noticed before. It’s sucks because I love to give and help. I’m the creative one who can solve problems and see what others may not be able to therefore I help. Now, it’s about reciprocity and are you filling my cup as well! 👏 💪🏾
@maxdminimalist715 7 ай бұрын
Your message was more than intelligible. You are an angel of light and purpose and I hope that more people understand and resonate with this message. People pleasers get labeled as weak because so many of us have nefarious agendas and are unwilling to accept or see kindness just for its own sake. Keep spreading the love. ✌🏽❤️✨️
@lalat5899 7 ай бұрын
5:32 Say that‼️ “people have not unlearned exploitation “ seriously though 😢
@tiarapennamon42 7 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for this and I wasn’t to sure if I’m a people pleaser but hearing your message, gave the insight that I do care a lot and have felt like being that way is a huge problem. And most times it did turned me cold but then I felt like it’s not right to not care about others 🩷🩷because I care about a lot !!!
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
Yeeeeeeeeeees!!! You care!!! 🫂🥰🌸🌻🫶🏾 There's nothing wrong with carit. We need people who care. We just have to take care of ourselves, but there is nothing wrong with you. I am sending you so much love!!! I hope you're having an amazing day!
@tiarapennamon42 7 ай бұрын
@@AleciaRenece I am thank you so much for the love 🩷🩷 returning that back to you as well !!!
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
@@tiarapennamon42🥰🫂🌸🌻🫶🏾 Bless you!
@minxxoxo 7 ай бұрын
Thank you so much Alecia :’( Tbh I was starting to feel terrible about the many posts that have now flipped the script and are calling out us for being manipulators. While I understood and started to actually take it in, something always felt off about it to me. Thank you for laying it all out! The way society likes to hurt victims and make us out to be just as bad as those who harm us is madness. All that I need is stronger boundaries and reciprocate only to those that want to be in community with me. Like yes we people please because of xyz, but ALSO to abc! It’s a beautiful thing and it makes me sad to know people have made it a negative. It’s okay to please those that we like. It’s not okay to put ourselves in harms way for those that do not care about us/use us purposefully ❤. We have all rights to either start boundaries: Right away we enforce them to let them know how to treat us. Or bring it up in conversation “hey, I noticed you do this and it makes me feel…. Please stop it or I will”. Or stop them: Stop dealing with the person all together and move on. Life should be this simple friends ❤
@Joann-jy9dh 7 ай бұрын
It was the ABC's for me. Thank YOU!!!💞💯🙌🤜🏿🤛🏽🔥✅🤓🥂
@belindaharris8805 7 ай бұрын
I'm tired too being told I'm caring too much
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
Same here. 🫂🌻🫶🏾💛🥹 You can never care too much. That's BEAUTIFUL. I'm so sorry anyone ever made you feel like that it was too much. It's such a gift. You're blessed.
@user-id6br7vg8h 7 ай бұрын
I recently had to learn this lesson the hard way. I was at rock bottom homeless..and ppl literally exploited me and my gifts and labor with nothing in return literally..took awhile for me to catch on. I'm just learning now how to create boundaries..and not to feel ashamed for wanting to prioritize myself for the first time in my life....instead of being of service for free...for greedy ppl who already have way more than I do... Great message
@sophiaa594 7 ай бұрын
Sheep among wolves... Thank you for touching on the lack of love that is so prevalent. I'm thankful to have the power of the Holy Spirit at work in me to show me what it means to be both shrewd/wise and innocent when trying to love others well. I didn't necessarily understand why this was so necessary some years ago... But, I know now.
@cheriebomb158 7 ай бұрын
I’ve noticed this a lot with the different attachment styles. People with anxious attachment being scolded for being hurt by the actions of avoidants. And I’m not either, but I always wonder why people really shame the anxious person in the situation when it’s caused by the avoidant? Like yes, you control your emotions, not others blah, blah, blah. But if we’re going to point fingers, then we’re doing it towards the wrong people
@MunificentMe 7 ай бұрын
Yes ma'am.
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
Yeeeeeeeeeees 🫂💛🌻🌸🫶🏾
@shii0802 7 ай бұрын
THIS ONE!!!!!
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
I'm so glad you feel me on this!!! 🫂💛🌸🌻
@RCola1217 6 ай бұрын
This speaks to me 1000%. I think the thing we should be reminding us people pleasers is not only is the same wonderful love and standards of care and respect they have for others necessary for them to recieve, but they are also just as deserving as any human being they are helping. If they are experiencing consistent toxic behaviors. such as lack of reciprocation, they can give themselves permission earlier rather than later to love that person from afar ❤. It doesn't make them mean, wrong, impolite, or cruel to do so. They themselves would understand why distance would be needed if they were the ones consistently hurting or taking from others. They no longer need to feel guilt for not expending their energy beyond wishing those takers and manipulators well.
@GreenVibesWellness 7 ай бұрын
Soooooul important! Wow, goosebumps throughout the whole video. It really hit when you said we're people-pleasing FOR SURVIVAL! Folks love to forget that aspect of I'd lose my life possibly if I wasn't compliant with someone else's demands. Shame, we literally deserve so much better. The softness, the patience and the calm. I've been too overstimulated my entire life, I shouldn't have to live like this-- especially with the pure heart I have. Thank you for posting this 💚
@LM-xh2sd 7 ай бұрын
Thank you for this video. You popped into my recommended. Lifelong people pleaser here ✋🏽 and people truly do not realize the cost and sacrifices we make as people pleasers. I was once called a doormat from someone who only knew me in a limited capacity & he was used to women who had to have things their way (most of the time). I guess to some people PPs come across as “doormats.” In some ways being a PP has been a burden l, especially when it seems like a default setting. There’s so much more I want to say, but I’ll keep this short. Thanks, again!
@autobotdiva9268 7 ай бұрын
i fixed that over 20 years ago, been estranged from family and living my best life.
@UniqulyBold1 7 ай бұрын
Thank you for making the kinds of videos I want to make
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for watching. And please. Still make your videos 🥹💛🫂🌻 we all have so much to share 🫶🏾🫶🏾🫶🏾
@dianealexandra3015 7 ай бұрын
Thank you for sharing this, this is so necessary! This world is definitely teaching people to discount others and their experiences. We have to find our tribe, I’ve been called too delicate or soft by others and I felt like something was wrong with me. I was mainly told my friends and made fun of by family for being the way I am. I’m learning it’s a beautiful thing 😊 thanks for your platform to speak about such topics
@DerekFullerWhoIsGovt 7 ай бұрын
🙏🏽
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
Hiiiiiiiii! Thank you so much for watching 🫂💛🌸🌻 it's good to see you.
@consciousgear 7 ай бұрын
Yaasss!🎉 This really nurtured the people pleaser in me and you’re right, I genuinely care about people 🙏🏾
@diamondjack-cooper5322 7 ай бұрын
People pleasing was the way I survived my whole life! Im so exhausted and tired! AMEN!
@sunflowerad1778 7 ай бұрын
I totally agree with your statement about victim blaming people pleasers. You even enlightened me in certain areas regarding the thought process behind reasons to please others. I would like to share that I have observed people claiming to want to help people when, in actuality, it was for selfish reasons (ex. clout, visible praise, need to be seen, control manipulation). And I have, without any shame, called them out on it. Thanks for all of this, you are awesome!!
@theoriginalgoddessnetwork4051 7 ай бұрын
Riiiiiggggghhhtttt!👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾Teach Goddess, Teach!!!! 👸🏽❤❤❤❤👸🏽!!!! I see & get you. Being caring & kind is divine beyond measure, Period!!!!
@stillfiguringitout 7 ай бұрын
Giiiiirrrrlllll if I could like this a 1000 times!!! 😩😩😩 This was so good… I felt so seen and heard!!! 😩💜
@JaeSpeaksLive 7 ай бұрын
*sigh* I can relate.
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
🫂💛🌻🌸 I'm sending you so much love!
@nicolebea9764 7 ай бұрын
I love this release of fiery passion from you! Thank you for sending this message. ❤️🔥 🤗
@queenlauralee47 7 ай бұрын
In a world full of givers there will be takers willing to take all they can...like vultures 😮
@loveheals6184 7 ай бұрын
Your words resonate deeply. Thank you. 🤗 May your/our care and kindness be met with reciprocity and proactive generosity of spirit. You/we deserve that.
@Got2lovelace 7 ай бұрын
Good Morning
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!! Good morniiiiiing!!! 🫂💛🌻🥰 Awwwww!!! Happy Fridaaaay, Beautiful 🌸🌸🌸 I hope your days are blessed, filled with joy and beauty 🫂🫂🫂
@SpiritSoPoetic 7 ай бұрын
I love this take! I have indeed been seeing the attacks on people pleasers
@jahsexistence8723 7 ай бұрын
Yesss Girl I agree 👍 ❤
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
🫂💛🌻🌸
@bruniwho 7 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for this! I’m also a recovering people pleaser and I had developed the habit of shaming myself and calling myself manipulative whenever I noticed that I was actively people pleasing. With this new perspective, I can start thinking about it differently. God bless you😊
@swagpack9775 2 ай бұрын
You are so smart! Your video made me cry (not in a bad way). I've been seeing people view people who people please as evil and it's so upsetting because like you said alot of times it comes from trauma. And its very hard to heal from it and no one offers help to heal. Like they say we care too mucb but then turn around and want us to be more kind... This video helped me write an entry for my shadow work.
@ashpiredliving 7 ай бұрын
This has bless me. ❤❤❤ hit my heart . Definitely was questioning about this side of me. Have me teary eye.
@SunFarmer 7 ай бұрын
This is a great video! As a people pleaser I definitely resonate with everything you said.
@kmc1994 7 ай бұрын
Thank you for always laying out the Truth with love, care, and kindness. I feel like you are a spirit friend to me because you always speak to my heart and remind me that being soft-hearted (as I was born) is not a bad thing, not something I should "throw out". I'm looking forward to getting my life together and becoming a Patron again. Really miss your content on there. Much love, always
@Joann-jy9dh 7 ай бұрын
U are AWESOME... GREAT MSG. CUZ IVE LEARNED TO EXPECT CRITICISM N HATE AS I CONTINUE TO BE FREE ME. I SPAZ but YOU they EARN IT !!! periodT AND that part 💅🏿😳✌🏼❤️🖤💚
@Janinekb 7 ай бұрын
I never thought about this from that perspective Thank you!
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
Thank you so much for hearing me. Thank you for much for considering! 🫂🌻🫶🏾🌸 I hope you're having a beautiful start to the day 🥰🌻
@audacitylove 7 ай бұрын
Thank you! ❤
@emotional.relationship.health 7 ай бұрын
Beautiful!
@aquaearthnfirequ_pinsnsavi1721 7 ай бұрын
There is nothing wrong with you either! I know exactly we're you are coming from! I feel like I'm looking at myself right now! Our biggest problem is boundaries. We tend to overstep our boundaries a lot trying to please people in expectation of getting the same energy back and then we become resentful, bitter, and angry when it is not RECIPROCATED NOT RECEIVED!! It sucks! And no it's our purpose! You are an Aquarius 😋 like me? My mirror I swear! "Non for profit!" And you talking a lot, I am definitely looking at my doople ganger! We can't be inslaved! lol The expectation of Love! Don't cry cause now I'm crying! I'm going through the same thing! It actually put me in a really dark place we're I didn't know myself anymore! I had to reparent myself! It was one of the hardest things I've been through this far. 😭 OMG I wish I we lived in the same city, I I know we'd be best friends! 🥰 Hell no they don't offer help, they just take take take and worry bout themselves! Or a simple, " how are you doing? Are you okay? You need anything?" Just checking on You!" 😢 People think I'm a robot with no feelings and don't go through things like they do! Too many chiefs, not enough Indians! Lack of hands.. "You're a gullible person, that's why these things happened to you!" "You did it to yourself." Is my negative self talk. I'm a natural people pleaser because I believe in the old school model of "treat people the way you want to be treated!" I mean, basic stuff taught in school. You are so right, never your intention for someone to take advantage of your kind nature bc they know they can!! 😢 I don't want to have to constantly be on guard all the time because people in this world take advantage of me! I do give without the expectation of getting anything back because it brings my heart joy and I don't want people to go through the hatch realities I've been through. Except in my relationship!
@teeo3377 5 ай бұрын
I am extremely grateful I came across your channel. You are truly an inspiration. Keep Shining! ❤
@Datb2 5 ай бұрын
I came back to this but I feel now people pleaser really lack boundaries 😢 no one can use someone who has boundaries. Self protection
@AleciaRenece 5 ай бұрын
I think boundaries are great. The problem though are the people who cross those boundaries in the first place, you know? We often give victims survival skills without actually holding the one doing harm in the first place accountable. All the responsibility is on the harm. Even if a person doesn't have good boundaries, they still don't deserve to be harmed. 💛 Also, many people are further harmed and punished for having boundaries. Boundaries doesn't stop someone from doing harm, unfortunately. That's why people get robbed, assaulted, etc. They don't care. 😔💔
@NobleAsila 7 ай бұрын
Love your content, always speak to my spirit, and it’s interesting I was listening to this on the way to work and a co-worker approached me to check something on the computer and I told her I needed to step away, though it was small encounter, normally I would have made time for others though not always or never reciprocated, it was great to put my needs first before being available for someone else, it’s imperative that we follow our spirit and heart to help, honor ourselves first, it sets a precedence to ourselves and others. Love love this video and your articulation of each experience was clear too✨
@angeperdudw 7 ай бұрын
I felt this too much
@angeperdudw 7 ай бұрын
This is why I’m studying sustainability as my degree. I love it and hope to do something to help others!
@NeicyJ1990 6 ай бұрын
For every action, there's a reaction. People pleasers didn't come out of the womb that way. It's a defense mechanisim. People will watch you over perform and demise yourself while they sit back and compliment you on how well you always go over and beyond rather than getting inspired enough to contribute or match your energy.
@PreciousdaughterofChrist Ай бұрын
this is sooo good. ♥️ I love this
@audacitylove 7 ай бұрын
“There’s NOTHING wrong with you!! 💯
@Goddess_Infinity 7 ай бұрын
Thisssss!!!!!!!!
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
💛🫂🥹
@SM_369 7 ай бұрын
Based
@nicolecato634 7 ай бұрын
Another black woman asled me if I thought she was ugly and I said no and she said youre just telling me what you think I want to hear and I dont want to hear that. I didnt tell her that to be a people pleaser or get snything from her. I like being positive and I really didnt think she was ugly.
@funkyredhead1 5 ай бұрын
💥💥💥💥💥‼️‼️‼️‼️❤🎵🌻
@Joann-jy9dh 7 ай бұрын
...and you're soooo cute, young lady 🎉🎉🎉
@DiviineXoxo 2 ай бұрын
20:14 - 21:50
@teatime.beauty 7 ай бұрын
14:38 YEESS!!! There are so many channels whom claim to be “informative” but end up shaming their audience for not already knowing the information… MAKE IT MAKE SENSE! I learn best via compassion and in a supportive community.
@AleciaRenece 7 ай бұрын
Saaaaame!!! 🥹💛🫂🌸🌻 I'm so sorry that we were ever even introduced to learning through shame. Kindness, compassion and care are the way. Where is the grace? 🫂🫂🫂
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