Well, they don’t exist _anymore_

Now Boarding Flight 1984. Todays in flight movie will be watching you.

How could they? Big Brother is always watching them.

​@@SageGilbert191came for this, satisfied, now I need a cigarette, ahhh...

@@SageGilbert191Actually, Orwell Airport exists and has always existed.

I died

the hospital i was born in is in a different state of the one i live so this would be interesting

@@SmashLiXs I don't really get how that makes it any more or less weird.

@@kioku618 my envelope would be going to a different state

@@SmashLiXs yes... I still don't understand how that makes it any more or less weird.

Trish Ace - Very good!..

"Airport officials insist that customers receive the service they are given."

So I'll be quickly reunited with my lost luggage? Nice!

when self hatred finnaly has its perks.

"Passengers May Only Carry On Empty Bags."

And some details are only in Czech, for example: - the clerk's surname is "Zlámaljelito" which translates to "He broke a blood sausage" (not a real name). - the signs leading to "Zoufalství" (Despair) and "Smích" (Laughter) point to the same direction, implying you'll find both there.

Don't forget the giant digital board also showing "HELP ME" in madness mantra.

The official's title is "Airport Manager of Conscious Perceptions"

The digital board that says "no" in several languages.

Now this shit sounds like some sort of backroom nightmare or that IKEA scp

“And everyone keeps calling me ‘S’!”

I've been to several airports just this year with gates in the wrong terminals... this is now an actual thing!!!

He must have been to Charles de Gaule airport. Yes, this did actually happen to me. I had a connecting flight departing at gate E95. There is no gate E95, it's a "fictional gate" for planes parked out somewhere on the tarmac, you have to enquire for at gate E91 to get you on a bus. We were the last of our flight to get off the bus before they closed the doors. The ground crew waiting for us, asked where the "the other 35 passengers were". *I hate CdG airport.*

@Morale Law, you need a proper grasp on the English language.

@Morale Law Your reference only included 3 of the words that the original sentence you claim to be referencing contains. On another note, was that seriously a tu quoque arguement?

Are you still on the plane to this day?

Dear lord

@@matthewbrodnitz1047 His plane is without a rudder. It journeys on the winds which blow in the undermost regions of death.

This joke just get betters as it ages

This is old Lol

was uniquely hilarious

Was uniqly healarius

That story lifted my mood, thanks for sharing :)

Now it's racist

your dad sounds old 💀💀💀

Underrated comment.

The Heraclitus Airport is even worse. Every time you take a step, you find yourself in a different airport.

Theseus airport has ongoing renovation that make navigation a nightmare. Sometimes, I can’t even tell if it’s the same airport.

That seems paradoxical.

​@@modernmajorgeneral4669Euler Airport is a pain in the ass too. Every time I google it I have to sift through pages and pages of all the other things named after him.

He got a twofer - no problem.

I got that reference.

_[Reddit Post PTSD]_

When he realized he was a giant insect his whole life it was already too late.

It's now safe to be an advertising exec, the unibomber is out of business.

Ano, souhlasím s tebou, že toto je běžné chování na místním letišti :D

Kaleidoskot kde je letiště Kafka ?

Nikde :D Je to vtip :D

A to jsem si myslel, že jsem tu sám. The Onion nikdy nezklamalo!

@@RichieLarpa NIE znam czeskiego ale wszystko jakoś rozumiem Słowiańskie języki są jednak podobne Generalnie żadko widuję Czechów na YouTubie

You'll be flying with an aging movie-star, An heir to some kind of fortune and a detective who is just trying to take a vocation

And one of you will die before the flight ends, then someone claiming to be an internationally famous detective will force all the rest to engage in a game of clue to find out who did it, where, and with what,

At the end, you will deduce that actualy, *you* are the one that did it.

@@HooDatDonDaryou and everyone in the plane did it, including the victim

AssholusSupremis lifehack

Have you arrived at your destined destination as you had expected?

They must have thought you were the Coronavirus.

gcc v xmas v am a nbc f studio of military u uki iroy irish salary to o settlers_ ap

Expect a state investigator at your home, 1:00pm tomorrow. If you are not there on time, all your shoes will be confiscated.

Plato International in Athens keeps advertising the ideal airport. When you ask them about it, they tell you that it exists, but not on earth.

Marx International Airport allows economy passengers to slaughter the flyers in first class and redistribute their luggage/guts and organs equally.

sun tzu airport has a terminal which directs you to other airports.when you inquire, they reply, deception through reception

Rand airlines deliberately overbooks flights to generate money even when people don’t show up. If everyone does, the airlines drags a random passenger off the plane so someone more important can board. Wait...

Geroge Orwell Intl. Has loads of CCTV surveilance

I hope they didn't X-ray it.

And you told them that not only did you not know, but that the answer was literally indeterminate?

The uranium that may or may not decay hidden in a box in my luggage:

Bravo, well played sir.

*Schrödinger

Do you know the person who owns the hat stand in Stuttgart. . Please answer in 193 hours.

Quality education, go Germany!

​@@Melody_Raventress YWNBAW

I never noticed that the phone number they have for the customer support sign uses a country code that is unassigned until today, hahaha

Life and obliteration are indistinguishable.

“Have you renounced your god?”

HELPME HELPME HELPME HELPME was my favourite

I was looking at the crying baby

Just don't tell security that you didn't cry at your mother's funeral.

One must imagine they guy with the delayed flight is happy

So, Ikea?

I figured out the trick - don't try to board your flight by going to the terminal they say it's in. Just board whichever flight you feel like and it'll take you to your destination.

Departure or coffee?

10/10

You're lucky you didn't ask for the cat's name

This is perfect

See, I went to the old airport before they remodelled it. That one was actually pretty convenient, if you get past the fact that it was 4000 stories high and clearly built for much larger beings than myself

I myself quite enjoy the airport; I regularly take the connecting sub to Y'ha-nthlei to visit family, and I find it a refreshing change from all the pointing and staring I'm forced to endure when business takes me inland. They keep the air pleasantly damp as well, which is nice, as I'm finding the surface drier with each passing year. 5 Stars. - A.F. Ishman.

Went to the old Tolkien as well. I now understand the socioeconomic state of every country we flew over, but somehow having coffee with my friend was the most memorable part of the journey.

One of the few airlines to still have a smoking section though

I had a layover at Tom Bombadil Airport. It contributed nothing to the journey, and took six extra hours.

​@@Unknown-jt1joI was actually looking forward to visit Tom Bombadil Airport but sadly we didn't stop there, because the journey would have been even longer. 😢

*J.R.R.

your problem was not talking a left turn at the upturned dolphin shaped sign if you followed that path you would have found the portal leading to the point in time when the construction may have been completed and then you may have been able to board your flight.

literally new Berlin airport

@@danish211 yeah, he didn't properly follow the proper protocol

Explain joke

@@SP-qi8ur gay

I would say it is based both on The Trial and The Castle, but otherwise you're right.

It felt mora like The Castle to me

Sadly many people only read Metamorphosis because it is shorter. The Trial is way more kafkaesque

@Love Law Non-americans don't count as people

@Love Law Silly person; Americans don't read.

Were you also replaced by someone who looks vaguely like you?

Gem comment

I was removed from the plane halfway through the flight for accidentally wandering into the men's class, for my "safety."

So from now on you’ll be using gleefully skipping airport?

i tried to go to that airport once but they dont let trans people in

It's too bad about all the bats and lizards...but I hear the shooting range is top notch, and the in-flight magazine is awesome!

I was once on flight to that airport, but we never even made it to the gate. Right after landing there, the pilot just made an announcement saying "we can't stop here, this is bat country", turned around on the tarmac and took off again.

No artillery lugers!

Nice writing skills! The fact that you are implying you died is interesting!

LOL...I love that story. BTW, if you've seen Scorsese's AFTER HOURS, about that guy (played by Griffin Dunne) who has this crazy night where crazy shit keeps happening to him and in the end he ends up right back at his work, just as they're opening the front gates in front of the office bldg.: he's, at one point, supposed to meet this chick at this place called the "Club Berlin" and when he gets there he goes through that same shtick with the bouncer, almost word for word in some of that scene, to K's story. But, in the end, instead of the 40 year wait, he sees these punk rockers get let in right in front of him and when he asks the bouncer why they can get in but not he, the bouncer replies "because it's mohawk night". "I can let you in if you get a mohawk" so, thinking he can just blow that off, he says "sure, OK" then the bouncer drags him over to this barber chair, in the middle of this wild punk-scene club, where this guy with electric shears is giving people mohawks & when he sees this he panics & runs for it, eventually getting out of sight of the guy chasing him!! I actually have seen After Hours a whole bunch of times & saw it before I read the short Kafka story, so imagine my surprise when I read it & I see that scene from After Hours "If you're so inclined you could try to bust your way in here" (I'm paraphrasing a little but it's the same words from Kafka's story!) I was, like, so that where Marty got the idea for that scene (or actually, no, not Scorsese, but whomever the screenwriter was & I can't recall the name of the writer. But it sure was clever. I wonder how many people who have seen After Hours caught that reference to that Kafka short story!

@@kiandocherty3589 Not his skills though, it's also by Kafka

@@gggggggggggggggggg161 Wait which one? One of his short stories? I`ve read a fair bit of Kafka and I`m wondering where it`s from now.

@@kiandocherty3589 It's a part of Trial. The chaplain tells this story to K in the cathedral.

You are required to choose a departing plane without knowing where it will take you, and the entire time you will be bombarded with ads warning you not to regret your choice because there is no way back

I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD SAY SOMETHING ABOUT KIERKEGAARD AIRPORT!

*Kierkegaard International is not liable for any injuries resulting from a failure of Will and Imagination.

Fly from Kierkegaard International Airport, you will regret it. Don't fly from KIA, you will regret it. Whether you fly from KIA or not fly from KIA, you will regret it

Are you having the shrinks now?

I’ve been there and actually had a ticket, as did my granny, but she demonstrated what the airline considered undue hubris and poor moral fibre and got sucked into one of the engines. The flight was alright though, and the cabin smelt like peaches.

Just tell them you're a friend of the grand high witch and they'll treat you right.

At least the confectionery had an extremely good selection, provided you made out of it alive.

My teacher assigned this to watch lol

@@jaredjohannson3039 Tell your teacher that a commenter on this video said they're awesome.

"Will you lie to us?"

Liar

“Have you renounced your god?”

1. Who are you? (1) animal (2) animal product (3) microbe (4) plant/soil

"We believe you have lied to us. Does it matter whether you've truly lied to us?"

jane sullivan The security is extremely long over there

But they do serve Victory Gin aboard the planes that are allowed to leave from it.

That just sounds like every American airport

The entire nation of "airstrip one" is Goerge Orwell International Airport. You are subjected to random security checks everywhere. Only inner-party members can actually fly. The flights to Eurasia and East Asia may or may not happen, depending on who we are currently at war with. You know that your feeling that there are fewer flights must be wrong because the only newspaper and only TV station say that the number of flights has just increased by ten percent.

@@milascave2 I don't see why you wouldn't be able to fly to Eurasia.. we've always been at war with Eastasia.

I like the line, it just irks me that arrivals can definitely land late

The ones that do arrive, they never leave. You never see them go, but they're always full. But the ones that do leave, they never arrive.

@@halowarrior1000 Wake Up.... Mr Freeman

Stop complaining and just properly follow proper protocol.

@@johnrankin7135 Yes but an arrival landing late will never be canceled.

hi guyman9, have you become a flat earther yet?

Your dream self lives there now, and so will you too

Last night I dreamed I was trying to steal back a mutated folded up horse in a briefcase from someone that stole it. I wonder if it was checked baggage at the Kafka airport.

OmegaMart is an art installation in a similar vein, though with a supermarket theme.

I LOL'ed :D

Could not have said it betyer myself. Got delayed 9 hours by those bastards. And then thay had the gall to hurry up boarding the flight because they had a time window.

LOL

That was perfectly delivered.

yep my ears work too

It's also likely based off of Franz Kafka's The Trial

You are lucky because you are still alive.

@@bflmpsvz870 is that good luck or bad luck?

@@scottmatheson3346 You're right. Luck always goes both ways in Kafkian land.

You simply _must_ find that hat store.

Are you lying to us?

@@slappy8941 what if he owns the hat store.

Someone must have been telling lies about Domihrok

I'm watching you and i never read Kafka.

Happens to the best of us.

I aske an assistant where my gates was an he just said I couldn't even comprehend where it was.

And the staff were a civilization of gibbering fish people.

Just take the waterfall, it’s much more fun. After the fall you just ride the river up and fall again.

And then they reveal that it's actually a train station.

... and flight seating disputes are resolved by public naked duel to the death.

Surely there would be no safety speech and it's the passengers' own choice to learn how to be safe?

@@SimonClarkstone the safety speech is just the flight attendants berating you for thinking that paying for a ticket means you're owed transport, and then they kick you off the plane afterwards

Isn't it basically 'do what you want, noone has the right to impose flight safety rules on you'

So it goes.

still need to finish it, now where is my copy

What else can I say to that but "poo-tee-weet"?

Hi ho.

Same.

What do you mean, they have always been named that way

Did the flight attendants beat you instead and attempt to recruit you into the mortician business?

In the USA, it's SSSS

yep my ears work too

Every flight on the schedule is either delayed, crashed or missing Some flights are scheduled to impossible times of day Also that last terminal is called Ë not [

Some background jokes are only in Czech, for example: The clerk's surname is "Zlámaljelito" which loosely translates to "He broke a sausage". Signs leading to "Zoufalství" (Despair) and "Smích" (Laughter) point in the same direction.

Neolexious Neolexian Some airports are actually thinking of adopting circular runways. As it turns out, building and lengthening miles-long straight runways gets much harder when the airport is in the middle of a city.

All the news subtitle/scrollers. E.g 1:17 “90s Pop Band ... Back In Studio To Record Filler Material For Upcoming Greatest Hits Album”.

Travelers complain lost luggage is sent to the person they hate the most Also look at 1:29

But do I actually exist?

@@slappy8941 No, I do not, in fact or fiction or in any other wise, or unwise, exist, or even ex- 'ist,' as the onotological implications of such an assertion may neither be confirmed nor denied beyond the fleeting moment in which they were realized and, later remembered, and re-remembered, etcetera, ad infinitum, but, when such remembrances exist, we, assuming such can be demonstrated sufficiently for the I, hitherto granted tentative existence for argument's sake, they still lack sufficient epistemological qualities to dismiss with any sense of finality, or even a good working sense, the problem of hard solipsism. Or maybe not.

As a dead person who does not believe in Prague I can confirm that you posted that.

@@slappy8941 Only if you believe that your existence is impossible.

Underrated!

Ok, Dale Gribble

And then the security constantly bother you by giving meaningless information on the history of the airport. Like dude I just want to move on with my travel.

Plus there’s only one straight flight available for their top destination for which you have to belong to one specific race in order to fly into, although occasional exception through bribery via precious rings or golden hair locks have been noticed in later years

but it does have the best pedestrian access thanks to the designer's "More Door" philosophy

Give them credit where it’s due, the Gate is easy to find.

No, no, there's flights - but only if you're on the second leg of a round trip.

So that’s where my polonium went! I’ve been looking for it for ages!

The journey is only a couple of hours, but it actually takes years because of endless, pointless diversions.

Life is a journey... people get lemons many make lemonade some may build a battery...

Maybe so. But this is a close 2nd: kzfaq.info/get/bejne/b7tke8RqrbfafaM.html

medexamtoolsdotcom Yeah, that's some classic bullshit right there.

Yeah that was a masterpiece. Ive read every word etc. Even the acting. The only moments that were short of pure brilliance were the two silly lines at the end.

I rewatch it weekly

Danielewski Airport took a lot from the design of Borges Airport, but put it in a bigger building. There are scores of food courts right next to each other, some of which only contain a single chair, half of the passageways have been removed but you're still expected to walk through them, and just when you feel like you're getting somewhere, some strung-out tattooist stops you to deliver a rambling and unnecessarily graphic anecdote about his sex life and how tough things are for him right now. I don't know how he keeps finding me.

Passengers have been requested not to pelt the pilot with apples.

OMG I missed that 😆

It's not a scroll. It's a crawl scrolling. Well, that's what the giant cockroach told me.

lol great line..... he he very literary

dammit i hate when that happens

Should've brought a flamethrower

And also they are cranky because they typically go weeks and weeks and weeks without food.

"In the event one comes into contact with LSD, PTSD Follows..." -PT

God, yes!

That one is painful to wrap my head around.

It's more or less asking "do you believe you are immune to society's conditioning?"

@@TheMasterTelevision I've been conditioned to believe I'm immune to society's conditioning and now I'm don't know if I am genuinely immune or just think I am

@@zacmumblethunder7466 your paperwork has been rerouted and your flight was filled out incorrectly.

Just say you are microbe. They aren't capable of higher thought so you get some leeway for mistakes.

NO YOU FOOL. YOU HAVE TO PROPERLY FOLLOW THE PROPER PROTOCOLS. NOT JUST FOLLOW.

This was my problem. I was following the proper protocols, but improperly.

@@siukong should've properly followed proper protocols then

Best thread

Yeah, and then the dumb asses go to hospitals where people are always dying...

magicatthemovieS isn't that the one where they put a religious zealot on every flight and the runway gets eaten between takeoffs?

Chunkboi Yeah, that's the one. Apparently it's very popular among alcoholic writers and kids with supernatural abilities.

I know that feeling.

matt: Alcoholic writers? So, you mean all writers, right?

Out of context

Still ripe right now!

although it may turn out to be the highly dangerous asymptomatic cancer

@@LarryRiedel cancer is asymptomatic right up until you start getting symptoms, asymptomatic for years, even, just like the long-term effects of "asymptomatic" covid, which is why rational people screen for asymptomatic cancer and do what they can to avoid catching it. so thanks for that analogy, lol.

Slyšel jsem, že tam je hodně referencí z Kavkových knih, což z videa dělá ještě větší skvost. Mohu se zeptat, co tam je za reference? Bohužel nejsem čtenář knih...

I had a orderly experience at Prague's Václav Havel Airport last year. I feel cheated, really.

Too good, too good. You forget all the air stewardesses are bitches and will invariably break your heart partially because you're unable to satisfy them due to a war injury.

It’s worse if you’re female. The staff will treat you like you’re completely vapid or a philandering shrew.

The Orwell airport is actually worse, almost dystopian

mason: unless you are a middles aged butch lesbian writer. Then they will fall in love with you at the start of the flight but hate you by the end of it.

Arthur C. Clarke International Airport was on the whole really quite nice and modern; but their computer system was *murder* to work with.

We *ARE* living a Kafkaesque existence.

Luca, That's why dumb j trump has never admitted his sexually transmitted diseases.

Went looking for this comment lol

Dah! Looks like I had better dealete my comment because someone beat me to it. ... I give you my props.

We wouldn't have so much coronavirus if people stopped getting screened! It can't hurt you if you don't believe it exists.

This isn't satire

Most of Kafka's work have been interpreted multiple times, the most popular explanations of which often postulate that his works are satire. This comment may be a reference to that fact

Nowadays, we call that "panhandling".

Simply amazing. Thank you so much.

Instructions unclear. Got thrown into a Haitian prison instead of getting gold.

Well played sir, well played

@@spaceman9599 Its Dr. Spaceman!❤

Why, what does his name mean?

***** Zlamajelito = Broke sausage (or something in that sense). It is like in the Monty Python's Life of Brian "Biggus Dickus" play of words and sound.

***** Ah. :D

Tchekov airline is not bad; you get a full buffet with open bar, two rows of triple wide bathrooms, bridge-table style seating and the plane is insanely decorated. As a result, everybody is drunk and loud, there is non stop fornication and poker playing and the flight attendants keep wacking people at random when they have enough. When the plane lands, there's always at least one dead body, the medical doctor is useless and the crew asks the passengers to chip in for gas.

I found the Dickens - Schrodinger Airport to be the most strange experience. It was the best of flights, it was the worst of flights, but you could never tell before landing.

@@yudithcaron8053 At Tchekov Airport all firearms must be declared upon arrival and discharged before takeoff.

The flights are so long because the pilots are paid by the second they remain in the air.

You can't beat it.

mee too, what a gem - I just sent it to a friend who flies to visit me (after 20 years) to motivate him a bit

hi ritawing, have you become a flat earther yet?

Well 8 is just an infinity symbol that isn't passed out drunk.

Sounds like Doha. That airport is a labyrinthine nightmare!

I think you mean 0:34

@@glenniebrother you're right, edited.

I bought a clock from said airport and its been spinning neverendlessly even when i removed the battery

hi firthm2, well we were all lied to when we were taught that the earth is a ball flying in a vacuum

I remember Lem airport. There was this one guy who wanted to build the plane for you to use, but we just ignored him in favor of looking through the library on the history of the place. Also your ex wife is there, even though you could've sworn she died years ago.

Lem Airport: The airport is alive and projects images of your dead loved ones to try and communicate with you