I’m 72 too. I hear you and can relate. Best wishes.

I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I hear you I'm 58 same for me I did attend coda groups back in the day but not long enough and maybe just wasn't open enough but I sure am now 👍

It’s me too. 😮

....I'm sorry, but wouldn't that cancel out a lot of helpful services and care? Like if we didn't care a bit more at all...where would the encouragement, concern, etc. Be when it comes to family, friend, etc. Doing destructive things to themselves/also affecting others. Someone would techically end up caring more sometimes to end up saying something that maybe help that non-caring person in that crappy situation. Guess it's "all about balance." Honestly, I'm Autistic and wondering if that's why this premise gets to me a bit. XD lol Over-thinking: *ACTIVATE*

Thank you, well said 💕 I need to apply this way of thinking in my life when dealing with friends and family. Some tend to not take their "problems" seriously, but I do and it drives me crazy 😅

And don’t do more for someone than they would do for themselves ❤

This cannot always be applicable. I am presently helping 3 people---my parents (father 98 and mother who has recently developed dementia) and a lady down the street who is cognitively impaired. Ideally I would not have these responsibilities but at the moment I cannot leave these people in the lurch....

Ahhhh makes huge sense .I always listened and care my mon”s problems but she wants those problems

It sounds like you're in the right place and we're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Yes this me too

Same 😞

Omg exactly my lifeI took care of my mom! I discovered this channel a light bulb goes OFF… Every exact thing is validated now I have a name for it CPTSD & I decide I want healing & want to change my life & just as I start to feel hope …. my position at work gets eliminated instantly on a 1on1 zoom call:😢 I suspect it’s because I stumbled on a co-workers energy w our boss. Wrong place at the wrong time! Not gonna lie I am some what relieved because they were very clicky & very mean spirited! Your channel is pulling me thru SO THANK YOU ANA. As soon as I can afford it I’m signing up!

I'm so glad you found the video! -Calista@TeamFairy

Thank you so much for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I'm happy for you. I'm 41 yrs old, single, and i'm otw to take back control of my life and to focus on my life. What resulted was having emotional outbursts from my narc single parent who has depended on me to get a life (ever since i can remember) and guilt tripping me that i'm abandoning her. (I'm in an asian environment so it's ok for children to cont'd to stay with their parents even when they are in their forties😢) She will do that whenever my focus is on myself and not on her. And it could go down to little things like spending a long day with friends and not with her 😢. She needs therapy but she refused and finds that there's nothing wrong with her.😢

Your story resonate deeply with me. You have to focus on yourself, your mother won't probably go to therapy cause it's not her idea but yours, you have the power to change your situation. Let me share with you my story. Im from an african background, parents are everything in my communauty too. My mother is immature and narcissist, i had to take care of her and her kids when my father left us when i was 8yrs old. I did everything, cleaned, cooked, grocery shopped, i raised my baby sister of 2yrs, i had to feed her, changed her, bath her, took her to/brung her from kindergarten/school and it was never enough. My mother used to work from 6am to 9pm. She was never home, only sundays. I didn't live my childhood, she stole it from me. She was terrible, always attacking me, blaming me, humiliating me. She didn't let me have friends, she viciously enjoyed preventing me having fun with others kids. so i was always alone. i couldn't go outside to play, only for chores. School wasn't her priority at all, I failed my exams to go to university cause i couldn't do my homework, to busy being a mom. She never wanted me to succeed, I had to sacrifice myself for her, Always complaning about her life, her problems, her needs. i had to be her therapist, her mother, her saver. . It was all about her. So I spent my life living hers. I didn't know who I was, she hadn't given me the chance to find out, she wasn't interested, she couldn't get anything out of it so why bother... It was an excruciating life, I had eating disorders (still struggling with it), dysmorphia, depression, i was an addict, I tried to kill myself myltiple times. I was a zombie walking on earth. And At 33 years old, everything changed, thank God, i had an epiphany. that day I've finally understood, she will never love me, she will never validate me, she will never be interested by who I'am. I cried, i thought i would die, i remember screaming in my floor's kitchen like a crazy person. For weeks i couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I was overwhelmed by the truth, my truth " i wasted 30 years of my life trying to save her, I wasted 30 yrs of my life trying to make her see/love/validate me, i wasted 30 years of my life destroying my health, my life for someone who has never gave a d...n about me" Today after 6 years of healing, she still tries to guiltrip me but she knows it won't ever work again. she blames me, she talk bad about me to my family but you know what, i m the one who doesn't give a d...n about it now. I'm living my life, still struggling with health problems but today i can say, i finally know who I'am. I'm travelling by myself whenever i can( still struggling with money) I'm free, free from her, free from my past, free from all the toxic person i attracted for 30 yrs (all my one-sided toxic relationships included my ex husband). It's never too late to change your life, never too late to start prioritizing your needs, your life. Never too late to love yourself for the first time ever ❤️

@@personne3837 thank you for sharing your story😊. It's inspiring. I'm working hard to focus on myself too at the moment. Wish all of us the best in our future years! We deserve to be happy in our own ways! ❤️

​@@personne3837your story brought me to tears. I can resonate so much with it. I'm so happy you were able to find the truth, no matter difficult it was. I type this as my own mother lays a meter away from me. Only a few more months until im free, if that. Stay strong.

Our whole community is here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Great insight, thank you for sharing. We're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Wow, that's amazing! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will appreciate this :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Same but yes - I definately feel sad at my own behavior and even embarrassed bc it is so self-defeating and exhausting at the same time. Thankful for this video and able to see that I am in these patterns.

It is so defeating and DRAINING! I agree! Anna has given me so much clarity! I'm happy to be a part of this healing community thanks to her videos!

100% I love people but my codependency keeps me in a shell. So much to give but def need my own love first. 🐚 🐢🥚🩷@@hurricaneMecalah

Just be grateful that you're starting to see it. We're all on our own soul journey. You're becoming more self aware, you're growing, and learning. At least you can see your own flaws. We're ALL the problem at some point in our lives. And just because you've been part of the problem, doesn't grant immunity to anyone in the past who abused or mistreated you. Don't beat yourself up ❤

This just makes my day. Thanks for sharing this progress report here, where you can give so much inspiration to others!

You are the most beautiful lady for standing strong It's never to late Ur Honor Accountability Integrity Loyalty to ur chosen one to share ur life with.....love and boundaries are ur best friend at this point Ask for help And do not be afraid of being vulnerable The greatest thing is to take care of urself ❤ I adore u and ur loved 🤗❤From my heart to urs❤ Innerstanding

Thank you❤

It’s not too late to choose yourself.

@@robinkirk4020 I used to believe in " chosen" one , a soul mate. One person picked out for me. Yet part of me felt like , why? I do not believe in any special someone for me, now seeing that I do not even know who ME really is! I do stay out of responsibility, my oath and I do love him, but no longer in love with him.

@@Maddie-5 you are beautiful my friend never forget that as a Sister truly i innerstand plz never surrender Ur love is ur power use it towards urself u deserve it to urself I think ur Brave and worthy of what u are awakening too Sending u the biggest hug i know u can feel it🤗💖

I'm glad you're here!

Totally relatable❤

I'm so happy to hear that :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Thanks for sharing this, we're so glad you're here! -Calista@TeamFairy

FocusingResources KZfaq channel by Ann Weiser has helped me with that tremendously.

That sounds very difficult. We're all sending you support :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I can relate. I cared for my mom too. And I remember getting up in the morning having to urinate so bad, but I always attended to my mother first, which was quite normal for me simce childhood as her needs ALWAYS came first. I mentioned this to my therapist and I was shocked at what she told me. She said “Whatever your mother needs, you do too” And told me that I had a right to urinate first and take care of my own needs first. It’s like on an air plane, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else. That blew my mind. But I took her advice and it really did help me. Best wishes.

@sueg2658 Im looking into counseling because i am resentful. I love my mom. I just feel so overworked and rarely have a decent break. My aunt has been so helpful, i just need more time for me. I also care for my son that lives an hour 1/2 away. I live 2 blocks from him but im rarely home unless he has appointments. Absolutely a people pleaser. I see my faults but my role in my family is "the care-giver"

Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy

I'm so glad! Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment :) -Calista@TeamFairy

We're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy

We completely understand, you're in the right place! -Calista@TeamFairy

For how long you've been single ? I m exactly in the same situation. I m working on myself but any time a man gives me some attention, im ready to forget all the red flags and go back to the old me. I know i'm healing cause i don't stay in those relations like i used to but it's still a waste of my precious time to not be able to leave from the beginning after seeing all the red flags waving at me. It's still a struggle to not be able to dodge those kind of toxic men (they all have additions with alcohol)

@@personne3837 you don’t even know how much I understand!! It feels excruciating! I try to remember something I heard on this channel about how so many people have happy normal relationships. It’s not rare or weird so it must be achievable 🤷‍♀️ Im 29 and I have been single for 5 years. I feel like not dating at all is avoidance but I get desregulated the second I actually like somebody… I’ll completely abandon myself. It’s been a few days since my first post; I took the time to be apart and see the connection for what it was and now it doesn’t hurt as much! We need time in between dates to re-regulate and if things seem so fast that you can’t take your time, that’s a (very difficult) no-no 😭 I just blast these videos and clean around the house until I feel better hah

I can totally relate.

I’m so sorry. I can relate.

We absolutely understand. Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy

@crappychildhoodfairy Thank you very much for your kind reply. I'll definitely check out the free courses as well as the other ones... I'm glad that we have professionals like you around us💝💜💟

Thanks for sharing this. -Calista@TeamFairy

You absolutely can heal! If you haven't already, try Anna's Daily Practice. It is the technique that led to Anna’s own healing, and she uses it to this day. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Calista@TeamFairy

I am there too but without the getting pregnant part. My current partner definately had his issues most of which is related to his co-dependent father - however he is not active in addiction any longer. Why did I even think he would not use if we were together? So that has been a struggle. I thank God that he has overcome and still overcoming that with his own focus. Yet, for me I did not have a father figure until I was 5 yrs old and that impacted my view of lots of things and about myself of course and only having bad relationships or none at all for years. I am going to start a CR group at our church. I have been sooooo isolated that it is scary. I love people but I need to be on a path of self care and self discovery. I see now I am this HARDER and more concrete than I ever saw before, but I am in a relationship that I want to work and I am committed to my own healing. "let the chips fall where they may" is huge "not controlling others behaviors" is huge and I am quite embarrassed of the fact that I have done that and I am committed to not being this any longer. No one is coming to give me a path... or save me. ❤❤🩷 We can heal starting now!

Anna is writing a book now! It won't be out for a little while, but you can always check out Anna's courses if you're interested in her work. Here's a link: courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/ -Calista@TeamFairy

Me too

You're in the right place :) -Calista@TeamFairy

Every week, we post a lengthy compilation of older videos on a theme, it's one way we can help new subscribers find some of the gem's in Anna's KZfaq archives. Compilations are identified as such in the description section. If you’re looking for our shorter videos of 30 minutes or less, you can find them by browsing our channel’s homepage: www.youtube.com/@CrappyChildhoodFairy -Calista@TeamFairy

Thank you for watching! Daily Practice (a free course) can be a good first step. If you want to go deeper, Anna has a whole course on Healing Childhood PTSD. Free Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Healing CPTSD course: bit.ly/CCF_HCPTSD Nika@TeamFairy

Healing started the moment you decided to seek out questions and answers about what's going on inside! ❤ You got this!

The practice is a great place to start! -Calista@TeamFairy