"I'm not good with kids" is NOT an excuse. It is a fact that some people cannot handle children and when someone's self-aware enough to recognize that and not put themselves in charge of kids, that's a GOOD THING.

I can't find the exact quote, but the part where Morgan says something like "I've gotten really good at reading his body language" just set off so many alarm bells in my head. Like... being hyper-vigilant to not make your partner angry. I'm probably reading too much into it, but it gave me such an icky feeling.

Finding out Morgan vomited at the altar (from a separate video of Paul and Morgan's) while they were getting married and later cried on their honeymoon 58:10 at the idea of sex involving whipped cream feels like such a sign and makes me deeply concerned for her. Especially the "dude I barely know you!" on their honeymoon?? Bruh you're actively choosing to MARRY him!

I grew up hearing “dating is practicing for divorce” and other harmful messages like this. Now I’m 26 years old, have never been on a date, and genuinely have no idea if I’m asexual or just completely traumatized by purity culture.

Paul is definitely the type of guy who was like "How could you do that to me??!!" When Morgan didn't even know him. I wouldn't want to be married to that tool either.

I bet Morgan could write a much better more honest book if Paul promised not to read it.

If you *aren't* freaked out by the idea of getting married after 6 weeks, you need a therapist more than you need dating advice.

It's so sad that being in a relationship only means being co-workers in a baby factory for them. They don't even understand that you can just love someone, make life better with each other's company or help each other through tough times. As a neurodivergent person with multiple chronic illnesses, it's the only responsible thing for me not to have children. I need help to even take care of myself. I can't handle stress at all. There's also a good chance my kids will inherit my conditions. Giving my rescue rats a wonderful life they wouldn't have otherwise seems like a much more meaningful thing than being a horrible parent.

Only dating advice you need: find yourself a person that looks at you like Kyra looks at Rachel.

Those clips of them talking about their marriage at the end, especially the one where Paul started actually POUTING at Morgan while she tried to defuse the situation, are soooooo uncomfortable. I feel like Morgan is trapped in a really unhappy relationship that she tries so hard to convince herself is actually a happy one because she thinks she can't divorce and find someone she truly loves. I hope she gets out of it one day...

"As a woman, I'm learning how to let a man lead" was such a sad sentence... I feel for Morgan although I wish this book didn't exist. It's awful how she seems to restrict herself to fit into his view of "their life". I grew up with these views, it wasn't healthy at all.

Paul: It's nice knowing... She can't go anywhere! ME: AHHHH! Oh my god, RUN! Edit: Also, as a married person, it makes me so sad to hear them talk about marriage. I am so fucking happy, and even when my spouse and I have difficulties, I do literally go to bed everyday so happy that I'm married to my spouse. I can't imagine being married to someone who I'm not thrilled to be with most of the time. It just doesn't make sense to me.

Paul and Morgan: "The one with the stronger convictions has their boundaries respected/needs met" Also Paul and Morgan: "Its a red flag if the woman tries to be the leader and take control" Translation: the woman must compromise for the man in order to respect God and honour her partner.

Kyra's input is, as always, highly appreciated. I really resonate with her grumbles lol

Oh my god who’s first response to “I really hurt my wife” is “good thing she can’t go anywhere”? That’s actual villain shit right there

“No you’re quite similar, you’re both very round” perfect. Kyra and ball are soulmates.

Paul and Morgan strike me as very young people who grew up in fairly privileged circumstances (healthy, financially secure, not in any minority etc.), went out of their way to avoid any varied experience of life and now think they've got it all figured out and that everyone else has the exact same experience of life (in which they are such experts). I also have a sense that Morgan is the way she is because she let Paul get to her and he moulded her to his ways, but he gives a very weasely vibe. They seemed to have been very incompatible before marrying and I think if they hit any trouble down the road, their relationship might become very unhappy. I just hope that they (Morgan especially, she seems to be the one doing all the accommodating here) will have enough maturity at this point to see that this is not a good relationship and get out of it. On a different note: every time Rachel says something about her abusive ex I'm so happy for her for getting out of the situation.

Honestly, Morgan gives me ace vibes. Before I realized I was ace, I felt a lot of similar things to what she describes. Huge sex-related fear and dread (especially of the wedding night! I would cry too if my husband pulled out whipped cream), discomfort with saying sexual words, nerves/disinterest in talking with my partner about sexual fantasies or preferences, no big need to cuddle and kiss right before bed or after waking up, assuming my sex life with my partner was fine and not realizing he wanted more, having to put in a lot of work to try to solve these problems I couldn't understand, and having no idea that how I felt about any of it was abnormal. I thought sex was something I would warm up to over time, exactly like she wrote in the book - "this is what I was waiting for?" and "there's plenty of time to figure it out." In their "things we wish we knew about sex" video, Paul offhandedly says they might have a designated sex day, but sometimes she's not in the mood that day for whatever reason, and it crushes him. Similarly, my partner and I also had unofficial designated sex days, because certain days just lined up with our schedules well and became a pattern. And when I would get performance anxiety or not be able to do it for whatever reason, it would crush him too - probably because he wasn't receiving enough sexual affection from me on days outside those designated ones. Even her comment in the last clip felt familiar - "You act like I never give you any loving." There was a constant feeling of having to "give" my partner physical affection, and it was never enough, and I had no point of reference for understanding why or what he was feeling. It just seemed like it was *really* important to him, and so the problem was me, and I had to put in work to like it more and do more, even though it felt like I was already giving him a lot. Turns out I just wasn't feeling sexual attraction. I know all of this is anecdotal. Morgan's comments could mean many things, and I can't make assumptions about her since I don't know her. But I was surprised how, once I noticed that her experiences sounded like mine, a sex-repulsed ace, I couldn't un-see it. Over and over when she described her feelings about things, I thought, "ha, I've felt that, I've been there."

The bit at 21:09 where Morgan says she has gotten very good at identifying Paul's body language and "reading his mind", despite failing to understand *how* his mind works, is a bit alarming to me. It sounds as though she, like many women in restrictive relationships, has learned to manage Paul and be alert for his moods. I could be wrong. But there's nothing here from Paul to say that he has grown aware of Morgan's mind and body language, and responds to it to keep things peaceful in a reciprocal way. It's all Morgan paying attention to and trying to understand Paul.

22:20 So basically, Paul’s saying a “good” women is meant to be seen and look pretty, but shouldn’t speak up for herself. And if she does ever open her mouth, she better have triple-guessed herself first. Yeah, no gaslighting going here. Nope. Just a perfectly healthy relationship.

People always talk about saving sex for marriage or choosing not to wait for marriage, but no one ever talks about the one who had that choice made for them. Being able to wait until marriage is a privilege

Honestly, as much as I dislike Morgan as a person, I am genuinely concerned for her. Paul is nothing but red flags sewn into the shape of a person and has serious signs of being an abuser. Like who fucking says that he's emotionally hurt her and is glad she can't go anywhere? Shouldn't his first thought be "oh I messed up. I need to take accountability and work on being better going forward"? And Morgan has some serious signs of battered woman syndrome. I really hope she can escape from this relationship and heal from it as well as any shame she might feel for ending it.

As a survivor of abuse- I think it’s incredibly important for people with a bias against abuse to be speaking up, not staying quiet. We’re the people that can see the whole spectrum before behaviours become physically dangerous. This concept of ‘you have personal experience with it so you shouldn’t speak about it because of your personal experience’ is so backwards. So thank you for speaking up and using your experience to help warn/protect other people from similar situations ❤

Yes, perfect way to spend an hour. Thank you Rachel, I love to hear your thoughts.

I am asexual but before I understood that I decided I wanted to have sex. I talked openly about it with a potential partner, told him I didn’t want to marry and wasn’t interested in saving myself. I was just curious about a physical experience. I don’t regret it, I had some nice experiences. Now I haven’t had it in over ten years and also realized I am aromantic, but I am glad I had that experience with someone understanding and glad I didn’t adhere to religious dating expectations.

I absolutely love the idea of being differently organized 😂 I have ADHD and if I can’t see something, it might as well not exist. It’s led to some very particular organizational tendencies, and I’m definitely using that phrase from now on.

Thank you for standing up for us ace people

I’m married no kids, been with my husband for 8 years. I think it’s fine for these folks to target their advice to folks who want to be exactly like them but when they dictate to everyone that love, partnership and commitment should only look one way that is not okay.

My heart jumps for joy everytime ur doggo comes in with her little snorty grumbles no matter how sad or weird the content ur analyzing is. It's always a good little break to see her.

I feel it's more selfish of someone to have a child just because they want one than someone who realizes they are not qualified or able to be a parent. I am someone that recognizes that I am not fit to be a parent for many reasons and that it could quite possibly kill me to be pregnant. This is something I've had long conversations about with my partner and we have decided that children just arent for us so we're going to be a crazy cat couple! We have each other, our cats, and thats just purrfect for us. I have never understood people demanding those with a uterus to have children, "the gift of life" no longer feels like a gift but more of a curse. Our choice should not be questioned, we shouldnt feel pressured, those with fertility issues shouldn't be made to feel worthless for being unable to have children. Our value shouldn't be entirely based on whether or not we can reproduce, we are more than our uterus, we are simply beautiful people who deserve to have our choices respected as much as the next person.

Girl it’s scary to me how we both dated a man named Daniel who turned about to be abusive alcoholic POS. I’m proud of you for leaving him and kicking butt!!! You’ve built an amazing life for yourself! And I’m happy that your new partner is treating you right! 💖

The fact that she feels the need to "keep her mouth shut" when he takes the longer route is sad as hell. Its like she expects consequences for questioning him... I could write the shortest relationship book ever; have mutual maturity, respect, understanding, and most imporantly love for eachother.

41:10 I almost laughed at the example of a hypersexual and asexual in a relationship. Now don't get me wrong it's just that this is exactly the type of relationship I'm in and I felt a little called out. However, we made it work. Not in a way Paul and Morgan would appreciate though (we are in a polyamorous relationship). Great video! Thank you again for this amazing and educational content! You give me hope!

Rachel's closing words should be the actual title of the book... 'A low effort and dull guide to having a mediocre, at best, marriage with someone you can barely tolerate' I'm sure that page turner would fly off the shelves 😂😂

I'm pregnant and recently broke up with the father. His attitude to the future, finances and all that were just way too immature. He's 38. He wanted a kid, just not the actual responsibility of providing for one. He even said that we can be poor and bring up a kid. Sure, we can. I just don't want to.

I can’t ever get on board with people telling others to live a life that fits into a tiny box. I am currently dating someone and I never want to be a mom. I can’t imagine not dating just because I don’t want to have a child. That’s ridiculous.

I'm always so happy when you consider asexuals in your criticisms of these kinds of books. It means a lot to me and I'm sure it means a lot to your other asexual fans

Not really the most important thing to take from this, but Morgan should absolutely speak up if Paul isn't paying attention while driving!

Its so sad to see the effects of abuse on you around the 30 minute mark when you shared that story of your ex. Its so clear to see the long lasting damage it did. I really hope that the therapy you're getting is helping to put all that behind you. Great video as always, these long form reviews are always interesting.

I love your commentary! Paul and Morgan are so careless about what they put out there. They seem deeply unhappy with each other and watching them interact is painful. I don't know why they would want anyone to live a relationship like theirs. But regardless, you pointed out a lot of important stuff and it was a joy listening to you as always

I have a deeply ingrained dislike for the Term "quality Guy/Girl" Im looking for a partner, not a piece of furniture for my living room.

This is not particularly related to the video but I just have to say. Kyra is so incredibly wonderful. I mean, dogs in general are incredibly wonderful but Kyra especially is just. Wow.

It’s definitely teachings like this book that has made believe i shouldn’t or am not worthy enough to enter the dating pool (im working on it). Especially the bit where dating is only for marriage and why should you date of you can’t see yourself married in a year? Like, I get they’re trying to protect people from playing with other people’s feelings, but it also kinda sucks. When I was thirteen I was told I shouldn’t have a crush on someone I don’t see myself marrying (this was in response to teenagers having celebrity crushes) 😵‍💫

Alternate perspective on Paul and Morgan saying "I love you": Maybe he genuinely didn't feel ready to say it yet. Which is fine. You can be at different stages and still be in a relationship, as long as you ultimately end up in the same place. Your happiness shouldn't depend on whether or not your partner says "I love you" immediately after you do. I kind of wonder if he felt pressured to say it in order to comfort her, since she says that she reacted very poorly to not hearing it back. It seems to point to a lack of maturity and perspective that feels very common in people like Paul and Morgan.

Paul: if you don’t want kids why are you getting married? Normal people: um, we are getting married to adults…

At this point I think Paul and Morgan have got a good enough amount of fans that they can just sell anything successfully. They don't need to put in anymore work than necessary to get stuff done.

Married for 25 years, no kids. Never wanted them. Apparently me and my husband should just be an old maid/old bachelor instead? I don’t understand that.🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m not super far into the video yet, but I’m really appreciating your conversation about marriage and different reasonings for dating!! Marriage is something that’s always been pushed on to me and I’ve had reserves about it (I find the idea of it uncomfortable, but I do want to pursue a relationship sometime in the future) and it’s relieving to hear someone say that’s getting married and having kids isnt the end-all-be-all. I enjoy listening to the different points of view you have, it’s really helpful and keeps me from going insane from all these heteronormative, religious, and bigoted “norms” that are constantly be published into books and other forms of media -_-

44:17 Is so scary how I relate in everything about your relationship with a very close friendship I had that ended up badly. I always had to apologize, never knew if they would be in a good or bad mood, I always had to "change" after long hour of apologizing for something I didn't really did, but was very painful to hear all the arguing and yelling, and I always kept taking the blame for everything, and each new fight they would make it a bigger issue because, they felt like fighting and knew I would always apologize and cry and make it my fault doesn't matter how much they hurt me on purpose, or if I said nothing. Every good day felt like I was so special and loved, and I should cherish while I could because the bad days would come, and they would be devastating. I kept on it for two years, until I couldn't take it anymore and didn't try to reach out after our last big fight. I suffered a lot because I also thought I would not be loved by anyone else, and they really "strongly encouraged" me from staying away from all of my other friends and even relatives. I was very lost and upset for many weeks after it ended, but now I'm glad I am no longer with this person, and trying to do what is better for my mental health. And I'm glad you are no longer in that relationship, and in a better place as well. 🤍

When u talked about the differences in tidiness : it's such a neurodivergent thing! If my hobbies aren't accessible, they aint happening. And it's so important to be surrounded by things that make you happy, make it easier on whatever struggles u have, or have a good sensory feel. Like there's no shame in having different approaches to tidiness ♡

…the fact that Paul smiled with glee talking about he says hurtful things to Morgan but it’s basically fine cause she’s stuck with him…wtf

Rachel you have no idea what your videos have done for me as I undo the systems of thought impressed on me from religion. Hearing the same beliefs that I was indoctrinated with followed by someone negating it so strongly and even laughing at it is sooooo therapeutic. Listening to you has helped me feel confident and positive about making the decisions that I want to make for my life without feeling that I’m making mistakes and letting someone down. Hearing you say over and over that what is important to me and what works for me is okay has such an impact on killing that guilt ridden, shameful paradigm. Like I can have a friend who’s company I enjoy and that i have a sexual relationship with but i would never marry or have children with and it’s not just not bad, it’s beautiful and healthy for me to pursue what i need because i know I need it. Your videos are the reason I feel safe pursuing what feels right to me :) thank you so so much

The way Kira looks at you, she loves you so much.

Excellent video! Also, congratulations to Paul & Morgan for having a baby boy yesterday, since that was apparently the whole reason why they got together!

paul: what are you doing in a RELATIONSHIP if you don’t want KIDS?? me & my spouse who have been together for 12 years and are still child free: living life and loving every second of it; also kissing a lot 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Kyra is so lucky to have a mama like you!! The way you just flip her over and scratch her and she's just snorting and leaning on you with those big dark puppy eyes... makes my heart melt!!!

I've personally really struggled with the "it's okay if you've had sex before, as long as you repent and are forgiven by God". I remember being taught this during my high school religion class when I was 15. I had my virginity taken from me when I was 12, and it sent me on such a spiral. I wanted so badly to be a "clean" woman for my future husband, but asking for forgiveness for something that wasn't my choice felt wrong. I felt like if I asked God for forgiveness for losing my virginity, I was accepting that my assault was my fault. I felt disgusting and terrified to tell my boyfriend that our first time wouldn't be my first time. I loved him so much and didn't want him to break up with me. Ultimately, I told him, he didn't care, and we're now in our 20s and engaged, but I really wish that "teaching" would stop being thrown around because it is so incredibly harmful to the many girls and women who didn't get to make that choice in the first place.

There's something about fundie marriages that has always weirded me out that I couldn't put my finger on, and I think I've worked out. They treat every person as an empty vessel in their head and anyone can be paired with another person as long as they're "godly." Then they give advice about how to get through a rough first year and getting to know your partner. It's like they speedrun the start of the relationship and make the marriage into a period where you get to know your partner.

When someone's actions remind you of an abusive ex, it's not really a bias, it's red flags you've learnt to recognise. I think it's very important to comment on content like P&M's with that informed perspective. They might want to justify everything and anything by referring to their religion but that's what most major religions have done since the very beginning: justifying abuse by saying it's a god given right to commit it (mostly by men) and a god given duty to endure it (mostly by women). P&M's content is dangerous so don't ever apologise for shedding a light on it being so.

@racheloates 1:14:10 Thank you for actually voicing that sometimes some people, women included, just don’t feel well. As someone with chronic illness and long covid as well as bleeding disorders that require medicine that makes me feel even more ill, it’s comforting to see someone publicly owning and normalizing just not feeling well. It would be easy for you to not include this, but it’s powerful and validating to me and, I imagine, many others. Thank you so much!♥️

I applauded the "bloody Mary" comparison. That was brilliant.

Additional reasons: ~tax benefits ~built-in plus one for events ~someone to prod you into self-care/personal growth ~step parent for your pet ~cuddling

Great video, and you make very good points on boundaries and compromising, unlike the authors. It's important that both parties have their boundaries respected, not just "whoever feels stronger." Also, the thing about "I just need to learn to keep my mouth shut even if I can solve a problem/help because I'm the woman and I should submit" is just a red siren. Like... If giving your partner help is something that leads to punishment or feeling like it would be better to not say anything, that's pretty bad. That's not at all a partnership. As for talking about sex: Yes! The way you talked about it was perfect. You absolutely need to be able to have adult conversations with your partner in regards to expectations. When it came up in my relationship, we had a very long talk about what we liked and what our expectations would be and where to start and what we were comfortable with. Literally one of the best things we've done. Knowing what to expect is SO important. One thing I'd like to note for you in the future: I know it's a couple of quick points, but at one point in the video, you use asexual and hypersexual as opposite ends of a spectrum, and later use asexual in reference to people who don't want sex. This reinforces an incorrect stereotype that asexual people are all celibate/hyposexual, which isn't true, as it's a sexuality rather than a description of sexual tendencies/desires (while the traits can often coincide, some aces are quite happily and frequently active). A more accurate statement would be to compare hypo-and hypersexuality, which are both linked more to thoughts/actions around sex. I know you do your best to be respectful of all groups, and it's great to even hear asexuality mentioned; I just wanted to bring this to your attention for the future as the conflation is really common but still detrimental for those of us who aren't sex-averse or celibate, and you seem like a person who prefers to be educated on these things.

58:00 Wow...I thought I was aware Paul is a walking red flag, and despite disagreeing with both, I normally tend to see Morgan with more empathy. Still, I've never seen much of them, and the little compilation you did is all new to me. This is even more concerning than I thought, now I just believe more strongly on how I viewed them.

I have been binging your videos and you give such good insight!

everything about my marriage would leave them shocked and appalled lmao. Premarital sex (my partner had a literal virginity card from going to catholic school that promised 'virginity until marriage' and we, uh... we laughed really hard making that card null and void), polyamory, both of us coming out as different flavors of non-binary, them coming out as asexual, me being pansexual.... And yet I tend to think our 12 years are pretty amazing and I wish as many people were excited and enamored of their partners the way I forever am of mine. We never gave up on each other, even when either of us were not the best people we could be. We supported each other to grow into the much happier versions of ourselves that we are today.

Rachel, I am so very sorry for what you went through. My heart breaks that you were treated that way. I’m so proud of you for getting out and speaking out about this.

I think the part about following the person with the “stronger conviction” is strangely better than it sounds - I think “stronger conviction” is their Christian-speak for “stricter boundaries” and so the idea aligns with proper consent, where you don’t do anything either party is uncomfortable with. Like how Paul wanted to do less physically than Morgan while dating. This is a good idea within a religious mindset, and is how I would have framed it back when I was religious and trying to figure out how to also be feminist. However, it gets negated by the coercive way Morgan was convinced to remain in the relationship. She should have been allowed to feel ok with: 1) her physical needs being different than his, and 2) not pursuing a relationship with someone whose boundaries don’t align with her needs.

Late to this party, but I'm surprised Paul & Morgan even uploaded that footage of them you included at the end. I don't know what they where even thinking because it makes them look so disconnected from one another. It honestly made me feel sorry for them.

The way they describe marriage is so sad. Marriage shouldn’t be *that* much work. They make it seem like such a chore that needs a huge amount of work constantly.

“You’ll get the image of the persons naked body in your mind, if not forever.” I hardly remember what either of my exes look like, let alone what their dick looked like. I didn’t even notice that my second ex wasn’t circumcised, I didn’t even notice his eyes were blue until a few months in because of my face blindness, they are truly underestimating just how low my perception is, and how poor my memory is

"Open and honest communication is the only hard and fast rule there is..." 100%

I just started the video and I'm already scared based on the comments 💀 thank you for putting up with reading this bs for us 😭 Edit; I would die for the beetle shirt.

Get you someone who looks at you the way Kyra looks at Rachel 🥺The love on that dog's face

As someone who used to be in an abusive relationship very similar to yours, I want to thank you for sharing your experience online. I remember being so young and feeling like I wouldn’t be able to be independent from him. I used to search all over the internet to find someone who I could relate to while seeing them thrive beyond the relationship. ❤ my younger self would have felt very inspired by you.

For me personally, if I have “can I see myself spending the rest of my life with this person?” in my head when I’m dating, it completely shuts everything down. I can’t focus on literally just getting to know the person, if I even want to date them, etc. It also puts so much pressure on the entire thing and sucks the fun out of the experience. Idk, I just think that’s such an insane question to keep in mind from the get go and doesn’t even allow for any self reflection of if marriage is even a thing you want.

Your hair color looks so nice!

I feel like a lot of Christians like these two subconsciously punish themselves for enjoying things, because it's like built into their beliefs that they have to suffer in order to be "good", and they want everyone to do the same because they're genuinely jealous of their ability to be happy

I think what's evident to me is that Paul and Morgan are a classic example of having alot of information about a topic but not lived experience. We all grow and change and discover more about what is true in life as we get older. I'm sure they will get to a place in 10 years where they will cringe at the things they preached were true. We all do that. There is so much peace in life once you just allow people to be naïve and live your own life unbothered. But it's harder to do that when those people have an entire PLATFORM that influences young people. They don't think they are causing harm, but they are planting an ideology that does cause harm. As someone who, myself, believes similarly to them, but differs ALOT in my approach to dating, I cringe watching their content. Especially as I am single woman in my 30s. Things I cared about in my 20s just don't apply anymore. Their content would technically be directed at me as I am a single Christian waiting for find the right person, but it's just laughable at my age. No one cares about saving their first kiss for the alter or what "guys really think" about women making the first move. It's just silly and seems like a kids show. What I really want is content on how to communicate well and have healthy relationships. But why would I go to people who aren't therapists or experts on the subject? Paul and Morgan are just two kids who went to church and want to make a script for other people on how to live in order to validate their own life experience. It's odd.

I have felt for a long time as though Paul and Morgan’s channel is a way they try to convince themselves they are happy and are doing the right thing. I agree very much that Paul’s behavior is concerning, and I don’t personally believe it’s possible to have a happy life if it is so unbalanced, with one person who feels like they are not allowed to speak their mind. I am saddened that they make content, because as they reveal all the unhappy parts of their own lives, they tell their audience that this is what you should strive for - that they have the “correct,” “biblical” life. I appreciate that you point out the gaps in their explanations of things - that they often leave out how they actually worked through their problems. Hopefully it helps other people to strive for good conflict resolution, and a genuine questioning of whether they are compatible with their partners. I enjoy your content very much, and I’d also like to say that I’m very inspired by you. To see a woman living so well - doing art, being confident and independent and thoughtful - makes me feel hopeful. Hope you are well ♥️

I really hope they didn't have their child as a way to fix their marriage. With how they treat each other I'm terrified for that kid.

💜💜💜 Edit: happy Kyra snorts are my fav asmr

I've never understood the concept of getting married. It may be that I have another viewpoint since I'm not an christian american, and the the concept hasn't beeing drilled into me through out my life. At least here in sweden, being in a partnership and being married is almost very much the same. Only with some slight diffrences. All I want from a relationship is a partner who share interests, values, loves cats and don't want children. (got a couple of twins from a previous relationship, and I'm done with that part) I'm also a very much a creative person, with multiple different miniature projects, paint, tools and nerdy stuff everywhere. Very much a creative chaos in my appartment. So if someone I met wouldn't like that, then we wouldn't be a good match. I've not dated in quite a while and I does actually feel good just being alone with my kitty. Love these long videos from you, perfect to listen to while building and painting! I get that they must be frustrating to do. But I also think that they're important. Thank you Rachel for making them, love from sweden!

I have so many questions for them that they just gloss over! The last few segments did make me feel for them. I believe they do both feel trapped. It was the first time I've seen Paul mention sex and Morgan didn't make the face like she was going to throw up, so . . . progress? P.S. Love the painting over your left shoulder in the editing tag.

I grew up terrified of dating because of this mentality. I was like "how will I know that I want to marry a stranger on the first date?" Because in my church the concept wasn't "don't date unless you are ready as a person to get married" but rather "don't date unless you think you will marry the person you are dating". For my sisters who have beautiful relationships with their male best friend turned boyfriend/spouse it worked out well (they no longer believe what the church preached either, so life turned out well for them) but for me, who moved a lot during my adolescent years and who's best male friend in the church was a closeted gay man, it didn't work out so well. I am twenty-nine and still want to get married and I am in a relationship of three years but he doesn't want to get married. It's hard at my age to find people who want to get married because they are generally already married by 29. I really enjoy the relationship I am in, and in a year he's moving back to live with his family and I'm not. It makes me incredibly sad, but I'm using the knowledge that he's moving in a year to slowly accept it. He's from another country and homesickness is eating him up 😅 poor guy

It's interesting the way Christians talk about waiting for marriage like it's naturally going to be this huge struggle and sacrifice. If someone waits because they genuinely believe it's in the best interest of their spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being, then there wouldn't be that resentment that comes out when they hear the person they're dating didn't wait. If waiting for marriage was their sincere conviction, then they might simply feel sad that the other person didn't and perhaps endured pain because of the decision. Resentment comes from a combination of "Wait--I put myself through this hell of denying my sexuality and this other person didn't??? It's Not Fair!" or "I put myself through this hell so I'd get a virgin spouse--where's my payoff???" It's very unintentionally revealing as to how many people wait for marriage not because they genuinely believe it's the right decision, something between them and God, but because of outside pressure.

these are some of the last people I'd take dating advice from

This one is purely for adoration and engagement. Thanks so much Rachel!

As someone who considered themselves a spiritual and religious person, I don't believe in dictating how people should handle there romantic and or sexual relationships (just along as its healthy and legal of course). Also, as someone who knew someone who had a hard time having children, the fact that these two talked shit about infertile couples is disgusting.

The removal of shame you mention around 54:20 is extremely important! We are teaching even our toddlers to be able to refer to their parts using the normal anatomical terms without shame. It's their body and they need to understand early on that they have control over it and should anyone ever breech that, they need the ability to address that. As sinister as that sounds, there is data out there that seems to suggest this might actually help with situations where children and young people experience unwanted sexual advances. The taboo around sexual activities and parts has never helped anyone in any situation. We should always make any discussion age and situation appropriate, of course, but never avoid it like it's some sort of danger in and of itself. Many of us, especially young women, have been in situations where the compounding effect of shame made us not speak out about horrible things that have happened to us. And imbuing even the words that refer to the parts of acts of sexual nature with this weirdly charged quality just for the heck of it is *not* ok. We should make it better for coming generations instead of perpetuating all of this shame and burden.

This is a very good vid and you're so good at this. You're also extremely brave for sharing about your abusive ex. I'm glad you're out and safe now.

this book makes me think of someone writing a math textbook, but, not getting the basic principles right. like 2+2=5, etc.

my parents have a very successful marriage, over 30 years now! my mom is a devout catholic while my dad is an atheist! it's completely possible to be happy with someone who doesn't who doesn't have your religious beliefs. plus they dated for 10 years before getting married, you don't have to be ready for marriage in the near future to date, and even to get married to that partner. they also didn't have kids until 8 years into marriage, which was a great choice for them and for me!

51:39 I have worked in medicine since 2017 and have seen hundreds of naked/partially nude people. It's not that deep as long as you're being respectful.

I saw you upload and I clicked the notification so quickly Keep making amazing videos, love your content❤️❤️❤️ Also I adore your longer content, it's always so much fun

I just do not understand how these two are supposed to be some kind of ideal Christian relationship. When they constantly say things like "you're gonna hurt each other and drive each other crazy" ... I mean maybe try to work that stuff out before you're married??

Your "lived in" description I relate! I paint, sew, n have all shades of hair dye is a big basket. I'm not just an artist but a writer too. So books amongst fabric projects & paintings. Things are organized in their own baskets n such, so it's an artists version of organized. N My partner whines too. I've been artistic for our whole 16yrs 2gether, n will always be. At least I do MY part 2 compromise.

"It's like Bloody Mary, you say 'Sex' three times and a wild penis appears" LMAO I CHOKED

thank you for acepositivity you always include in your videos, it means so much 🥺🥺

It's so sad that they assume it's normal for married people to do hurtful, horrible, "huge crappy" things to each other :(