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A secret to happiness is letting every situation be what it is, instead of what you think it should be.

*“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending...”* *―C. S. Lewis*

“I expected the world to be better” This is so me!! I have to remind myself every so often that not everyone has the same heart that I do. And that there’re things that I just can’t change. I can only do my part and be the change I’d like to see in the world.

I accept myself I accept others I accept reality I am free!!!

I always tell myself I want to go through life like a child, being amazed by everything and not expecting anything.. it's so hard to implement though

I am an idealist too and get disappointed when people don't do better but I also don't want to be judging people and imposing my expectations on others, I respect free will so much. It's such a struggle and sometimes acceptance feels like giving up.

I feel like you are my therapist sometimes 😩😂 you give the best advice 🌸

The sunshine falling on her hand is looking soo divine 🥰🥰🥰

I get disappointed and the whole day goes me worrying about it... expecting too much is something i should let go of... i should accept what is and be grateful for what is there with me and eventually more greater things will happen! 💛

This is exactly what I needed. Now that I am pregnant I’m trying to learn to love myself and accept that I cannot control everything.

this made me realise that i should rather give my best in my studies rather than expecting myself to be perfect at it. tysm :)

Hi I am here's from India🇮🇳🇮🇳.... Pls all pray for us.. To get soon recover 🙏🙏🙏.

oof i struggle a lot with having expectations of other people. i think it's because i tend to be more on the giving side and just expect everyone else to be the same way. something i heard recently was "stop expecting you from other people" and it really changed my perspective. thank you for sharing Aileen! this is such an important message 💖

Radical acceptance is about accepting the life circumstances you find yourself in. You can’t change the current situation so you have to accept it. My husband just died and so dealing with this trauma has been so difficult especially with two kids. I kept thinking why me? Why him? What if? Once I accepted that I can’t bring him back and no matter what happened I cannot bring him back. Even if I had started CPR sooner or had clued into the fact that he was dying it won’t bring him back. He was perfectly healthy and then dead and nothing can change that. No amount of worry can change it. That is radical acceptance of the situation as it is. This will save your life and it is certainly saving mine.

Aileen has such a healing energy. I always find myself coming back to her videos bc her words are like medicine anytime I go through emotional turbulence 🥺

I definitely was brought up to perform. My parents had expectations for me and I realized that my entire life I didnt know what I wanted for myself because my parents were always the ones making decisions for me. I had no sense of self and it has taken a LOT of self discovery and therapy to figure out what was best for me and truly discover who I was

💕✨A little journaling to do after the video: 1. What are your expectations about yourself? Are they realistic? Where do they come from? 2. What are the expectations you have about others? Make examples. Were you hurt in the past because of your expectations? 3. What are your expectations about the world? Can you really change it or is it easier to accept?

Acceptance is what helped me sooth my depression I don't add up unnecessary burn outs of don't doing things on top and that's good

✨"Radical Acceptance is the willingness to experience ourselves and our lives as it is!" ✨ Just love and accept yourself as you are...😊 And great video Aileen❤️...

Accept things for what they are. Expectations is a way of being in control (wanting things to come out your way). We don’t have control of anything that happens outside of us. Relieve yourself from the pressure of expectations! From a self love content creator to another; this video is beautiful and so relatable! ❤️

I had to learn to accept people for who they are.. It brings me a sense of peace because I know what they do and how they are so I can’t be mad at them.

I really need this right now. Acceptance. Forgiveness. Gratitude. "Increase appreciation, decrease expectation."

I am going through a period of getting my life together bcz I have been holding extremely high expectations and didn't meet them and other events in life caused me to break down completely. Therefore all the recent videos have come very very handy to me. Thank you so much Aileen!!! You were always a big part of my success!!!!! LOVE YOU SOOOO MUCCHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I completely agree that suffering and getting hurt is partly due to individuals in our families did something that we didn’t expect or didn’t want. But let’s not disregard these people did things that they are never suppose to e.g abuse of any form. As kids, we wouldn’t have a clue what to expect or want, apart from basic needs. As adults, we may be able to articulate the reasons and purposes for any of the events that had caused us pain but remember these things took place when we were kids and the trauma have already affected us. I believe that while radical acceptance helps tremendously in our wellbeing and mental health, we must also be mindful not to accept the responsibility and actions of those people who have hurt us. I often find people who have experienced abuse of any form to simply “be okay” and “it’s in the past” however their lives are in shambles because the past trauma.

wow the timing is perfect. im not even kidding, i was just crying and felt rly down and then i come here on youtube and see a video from u. i havent even started watching the vid yet but u always help me sm so thank you ily

Just when I was putting myself down and having a bad day, this video pops up on my feed!! Thank you soooo much for this :))

Dude this is seriously helpful. I’m done setting expectations! I noticed myself doing it earlier with my boyfriend I expected him to react a certain way and he didn’t so I got upset lol. I had to ask myself why I expected him to be excited. And then I just accepted that he can feel however he wants. I like that I can control myself and just accept it. Accept, forgive, gratitude. Feel the pain then accept it & let go. ❤️ thank you this was very helpful to see it in this perspective.

“why can’t the world just be imperfect?” i cried at this

This helped SOOOO much… my anxiety gets so high about things that are out of my control and that go against my expectations. Listening to each acceptance concept was very releasing of that anxiety and helped me to feel a sense of peace. I will be revisiting this video many times, I am sure! Thank you so much for all you do!

After graduating college I had so much expectations to people I'm close to and to myself to the point that I always disappointed, burnout of trying to be perfect that I wanted to be, tired of caring so much to others and in deep sadness for feeling left behind and can't accept for who I am. But I learned that I have to accept the people I'm close to for who they are and accept that I can't change them. And learned to myself that there is always a room for change and I don't have to be too hard in myself, that I need to help and find myself, accept my situation in my life and be okay of the low points in the process of achieving a goal or something. I'm glad I experienced it because that lead me to discover and learn self-development, to have focus on myself rather than to others and to feel happy and peaceful within myself.

True... And acceptance is the first step towards finding a solution and healing

Being a realist has helped me realize that there are people like this. These expectations people have lead to toxic relationships and resentment. Understanding acceptance for everyone leads to better health and more happiness for everyone involved

Such a coincidence. I was going through situations regarding expecting people to be certain way. I felt universe is sending me answer through Aileen. All three categories of radical acceptance are helpful for my life. Thanks Aileen.

I'm just halfway through the video and can relate it word by word. It's almost a year since I've been following you and I'm so glad I found you. The person that I am today is much stronger and the credit goes to you🥺🥺🥺 Had this video come up 2 years ago, it would not have let me go through such tough times but as you know..the Universe has it's own timing and lessons to teach you. You're doing a wonderful job Aileen, mending lives of many like mine. Here to support you always❤️❤️

Our mindset of what to expect often exceeds what will truly come to be. Too often we are the cause of our own suffering but the wonderful lesson here is that we are also the solution to ending our own suffering as well

I'm an idealist as well! And something you said really resonated with me is to not let the world take away my peace 🙏💗💗 thank you Aileen!! 🥰🥰

this is something that i took a lot of time to learn, we just need to accept where we are now & the moment ❤

Thank you for reminding me again that expectation is not the reality😊

I was raised without a father. He left when i was 4 years old, and decided to get remarried and have a whole new family couple blocks down the road. Not until my late 20s, did I discover the damage his absence / presence with another family did to me. Thinking of applying this concept to my story, I find it a bit hard to accept that my "expectations" of him as a child, is what led to my unnecessary suffering. In fact, I believe most of my suffering stems from the absence of a care giver who denied me the basic human needs I needed as a child to develop a brain not wired by the trauma of his absence, which led me to face life feeling unworthy and unloved. So I challenge this concept a bit, only because I believe our expectations as infants are more so necessary elements to our development, which subsequently becomes the blue print of how we live our lives, if trauma is not processed and healed. I do agree that accepting something for what is is a significant component to healing our traumatic experiences, but I don't agree that Infants, and children have expectations early on in life. I believe we assess those expectations as adults when we come to realize we were denied of them all along. And only then, it is our choice to apply this concept or continue suffering.

I remember learning about this concept in the Happiness Podcast and have been trying to get better at radical acceptance ever since.

Wow, that just brought me to tears (in a good way:) I tend to have a lot of expectations towards myself. But it’s so important to remind myself that I don’t need to be perfect in order to love and accept myself. Thank you for sharing, Aileen💞💞

Highly recommend the book Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach to further explore this. I believe she’s who popularized this idea and she also has her own KZfaq channel where she talks about this topic, meditation, and Buddhism :) 💕

I was expected to be this funny person, the comedian of my friends group. Always had to be happy, and willing to go out and do whatever it is everyone else was doing. Meanwhile I was extremely depressed the whole time. I was expected to succeed In school and be a genius.it really broke me, I had a huge meltdown, after that I just let it all go. I stopped being what they wanted, I allowed myself to be openly sad. Told them all, I wasn't what they wanted. I lost those friends, but gained friends years later that accept and love me. I believed everyday I would have the friends i have now. It was through your videos that I broke free from that shell that was ruining my life! You're amazing and I love you. I'm so much happier and I watch your videos every time you upload!

Proper elaboration of “the truth will set you free”

This reminds me of one quote that I read years ago "It is what it is." You can't change everything in your life but you can accept it how it is and make the best out of it.

I love learning from your experiences, Aileen. The way you're so honest and transparent with sharing the things you personally went through over all these years is appreciable. Honestly, you are one of the few KZfaqrs who make my life better each time they upload.

I gotta say. Productivity KZfaqrs tend to sound eternally out of touch- even during the Summer 2020 protests, COVID, etc. However, this video is golden. Other productivity KZfaqrs need to follow your example. You have a great head on your shoulders, and truly are a leader in this space. THANK YOU FOR YOUR MESSAGE!

What helps me the most with radical acceptance, is reminding myself that yes, I might have wanted something from someone else, but their lack of fulfilling that expectation doesn’t say anything about me. Because (4 agreements style) I know that my biggest suffering comes from taking it personally-if I set expectations and they aren’t fulfilled, I see it as an indication of my value-but it helps me to NOT set expectations if I remind myself that I am whole and worthy on my own-and that expectation not being fulfilled doesn’t mean anything about me. Even if someone does something hurtful: it doesn’t mean that I deserved it (or you with your father). I think part of it is control, but part of it is self-worth. 🖤😭

I just want to say that I have watched this video over 20 times, I come back to it whenever I find myself needing to remind myself to ground in the present moment & accept everything as is, thank you for uploading! It truly has changed my life and the way I think & the way I view things! Much love from Illinois 🦋

Me getting frustrated and disappointed by the actions of the world will not make even an ounce of difference in anything. The only thing one can control are one's own actions. So, it's only wise to do what u can and be at total peace with what others are doing. Pls like so that I get reminded of this realization again and again

love this concept, but i would love to add on that after acceptance comes the growth mindset :)) i think in times of hardship and pain, giving yourself the dialogue of acceptance is much easier said than done 😪 Putting into practice the mindset of “this was painful, but what can i learn from this experience” can also make you more resilient for the future times you have ethan recurring feeling ☺️ otherwise, you might be bottling yourself to not feel those emotions by telling yourself to just accept it~ just my personal thoughts from my own experience with this :)) love your content as always aileen ❤️

I just want to say i love you girl, i got the good vibes from you everytime i listen to you

"You allowing yourself to stay hurt by the hurtful actions that people have done to you in the past, that in a way is you not accepting reality." Thank you for this. I just recently left a pretty abusive relationship and everyone in my life doesn't understand why I'm not angry or bitter with him. That isn't the case. I feel like staying angry is staying stuck in your hurt and I really can't do that to myself. He simply wasn't who I expected him to be. It's okay to grieve. But I'm not angry because I reached acceptance.

You are my life savior, I was going through a lot , you always make me feel better , I studying things I had already learnt in school classes , and then I remembered all the bad things happened to me , I was so frustrated , but after watching this video ,I'm feeling calmness again .

1. Radical self acceptance 2. Radical self acceptance of others 3. Radical self acceptance of the world Beautiful video as always :)

You are an amazing human. Dealing with all that and coming out of it andhelping others to do the same can only come from a place of love and compassion 💓 Thank you so much for this immensely logical yet spiritual advice. I really needed to hear thisthat I am already enough. I am allowed so is everybody else. You orchestrated it so well that it was a healing experience to us, audience ❤ We love you ❤

you don't know how much you have helped in this video. thank you 100 times over.

I don’t know how you can read my mind! It’s a regular coincidence. Your weekly videos always match my state of mide. I am a big fan of you. You reshaped my thoughts in many ways. Take gratitude ❤️

The idealist in me really does struggle with the world, I always can come back to your content to give me some perspective though. I don't know how many times I will say this, but thank you!

I needed this. Reality vs. Wishing it were different.

This opened my eyes My brain is very obsessed with perfection and expectation--it wants everything to be good and perfect. And that translates to my individuality by me thinking I need to do/achieve several things in a certain amount of time. I need to be a certain way or become a world changer or someone who goes to a good college and becomes a scientist or sociologist. Even though my heart tells me something different. I'm scared to follow what my heart is saying, and when you said to accept things as is, it made me stop and think; I thought that yes, there are a lot, a LOT, of things I wish was not reality, but I also can not change it all. I can't be what many people expect a person my age to be and or achieved--they want me to be THIER best, their vision of what is considered worthy. But, I can do MY best. And that is what I realized watching this, watching you. I do not have to be their version of best, I can form a relationship with myself, people, and the world around me where I am MY best, with all my mistakes and limits, with all my joys and passions. It will take time to accept myself, and the world, but I want to try. Thank you Aileen for being the sign I needed to initiate this change, much love.

It’s good to have expectations and let life flow at the same time. Hard balance for sure. Also not allowing emotions to depend on the outcomes.

I love how you talk in your videos lately... I feel YOU and I can see that topics you are focusing on are something that you really wanted to talk about with us.... 💜 Your messages in this video are golden ✨✨✨✨ thank you as always 💜💜💜💜

This is such a great help for me. When I was not suffering, the concept sounded good but could not be registered in my head. But now that I’m going through suffering and listening to this again makes me realise that the concept makes so much sense. I tend to see people as nice people, but when their words are piercing it hurts so much. Then recalling the situation repeatedly causes much more suffering. That’s because I constantly struggle between my belief that they are nice and gentle and the reality that they are critical and aggressive. By accepting the reality, I can stop this cyclical struggle and move on. Thanks for the video.

You literally made me cry dude when you said accept your bad habits 😭🖤 you sound so sweet and beautiful in this video!

Watching this before my phone died "You are who you are" and my screen turns black and i see myself. Almost teared

You saved me. I felt like a failure , useless and no direction after failing my board exam last week. And i’ve found your videos and i’ve been listening to you. Im so depressed but listening to you made me feel better and that what im feeling is normal. Im slowly healing myself and embracng and accepting that failure is ok. You are right, acceptance is really important.

I really needed this because yesterday i failed in something and I literally told myself "you don't deserve anything if you couldn't do this" I know that is really wrong

It makes sense with what I've been practising lately. Acceptance of what can't be controlled and then do what you can to give yourself peace we all yearn for. I saw the connection between acceptance and peace, and it probably would dissolve a lot of my guilt and resentments that weighs so much on my heart. Always loved your content, been watching you grow as well as I grow in my young adulthood. ♥️☺️

I really like the idea of radical acceptance for self and others. I think it could be very helpful in many relationships. And I’m definitely going to consciously try to think about it when I get upset. However, I’m not sure that I want anyone to radically accept injustices in the world. People seeing something wrong and getting upset about it motivates them to find a solution or change. There are people in the world who cannot stand up for themselves who need us to care that they are being mistreated and not accept it. Women, children, elderly, minorities, people with special needs.

u look so beautiful in this video oh my 🥺✨ the colors wow

thank you so much for sharing about this topic! I realize that I've always set a really high bar for myself and sometimes I just have to accept myself for who I am and not let the negative emotions like frustration and anger linger in my head

Thank you for sharing this Aileen. Especially accepting your family for who they are but not allowing them to change you. I am gradually learning to embrace uncertainty, vulnerability, and self acceptance. Thanks for sharing your honesty and wisdom! 💕

thanks maam ❤️☺️. i have changed my life because of you. i have disappointed with my life and the world also. You helped me a lot to get rid of those matters. You give me a different perspective to my own life. Now i be happy so much better than my past years. l have learned to enjoy life.. 😇🥺❤️😊🌺🌼

God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, the courage to change the things i can, and the wisdom to know the difference

100% acceptance is among the first steps for proper meditation - without it, proper progress is impossible!

Recently I feel out with my mental health worker. She is rude, unprofessional, insulting, poorly prepared to help others with mental health abusive, and hasn't completed her training to assist emotionally challenged individuals. I expected her to be more than she was because she's in that position. I am learning that we, as a society, are short staffed for well qualified professionals. I have to accept that she did her best, it's not working, and I need to embrace gratitude for what was, accept the current situation, and make my plans for a full recovery after the trauma of her. I should have left dodge a long time ago. This relationship is toxic and messed up. so I need to leave - with a quickness.

This is REAL wisdom...easy to listen to but needs lot of implementation to make it work! Loads of love Aileen, thank you as always!! xoxo 🌻💚

Very helpful! You’re a very wise young lady. It has taken me literally years to realize this. Thank you for sharing!

Thank you so much for this video. It's just been days but I really felt calmer and more accepting after watching and reflecting on this video. I hope I can it consistently, but like you said "accept everything you are." 💖

*Growth and change is painful, but nothing is painful as being stuck where you don't belong.* Love from a small youtuber 🖤

Love your channel. I found it from your 10mn meditation videos. Something about your voice is incredibly soothing and calming. I learned meditation when I was going threw detox for Fentanyl and without it I don't think I would have the Sober time that I do. I have had to relearn how to be a person and I consider Meditation as my new foundation.

How in the world did this come at the exact moment it was needed 😳😌

when the first minute i watch this, i have distraction in my mind about how bad my dad as the lead of my family. i blame him and also blame the world, that is exactly when i start watch this video. but after i watch this, at the end i feel gratitude for that distraction because i feel like i have some problem in my mind and for a fews minutes i got the solution from God through this video. so i don't have to overthinking about it, i'm just accepted, let it go, and feel gratitude because i'm still have a dad whatever he is. i was delete the unnecessary suffering. thank you so much...

Totally relate to a lot of these comments here. My parents always had high expectations from me and wanted me to live the life that they wanted. It took some serious self reflection and a long journey to figure out I wasn't really living the life I wanted. Glad to say I'm getting better at discovering more about myself instead of trying to constantly please others especially my parents. Very beautiful video. :)

Oh my god , Thank you so much for this lovely video babe !! I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THISS !! I needed this today !! I LOVE YOU SO MICH MY ANGEL !! Sending you LOADS OF LOVE, BLESSINGS, POSITIVE ENERGY AND HUGS !! ❤️❤️❤️🦋

I love radical acceptance. I think of using it for specific events where I feel incredibly distressed, particularly because I learned about it through a DBT module online. This video has given me a new view on radical acceptance.

*To all the dreamers out there, don't ever let the world's negativity disenchant you or your spirit. If you surround yourself with love and right people, ANYTHING is possible.* 🙏🖤

Thank you so much for this video. I've heard of this concept of radical acceptance for the first time recently and am trying to understand it, and you presented the essentials in a such a simple, direct, and clear way that helped me to understand more. Thanks!

Dear Lavendaire, I've been experiencing really hard time lately. I was a trully happy girl but now a deppressed one. Today your video showed me the reason of my deppression. Acceptance.........I should accept the world, my father as you mentioned, and ofcourse myself with all limitations I have.Thanks for your efforts and all you do to make us happier and wiser

wow I paused this video so many times to have a moment to rethink about the emotions and expectations I have on myself and other people - so interesting on how you can feel so differently after shifting your perspective!

you and everyone are still changing the world every day

from 8th minute, it was the best expression of this emotion that I saw till now

I'm so happy that I discovered you when my vacation started. I made my time productive and motivated. You helped me a lot to make myself better. And now, I'm bothered and having a trouble mentally, thank you again for this.

So Aileen is speaking on my life here. 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽💌 My mom died a month ago. My expectations vs accepting the reality that she's gone has been the largest battle. I thought she'd be there to go on summer cruises with, or whenever I walked down the aisle or got around to having children. There are so many memories I planned to have with her that can never happen now. And that's reality, neither good or bad just a fact. These feelings though, don't feel good. It is not an easy reality to walk in.

This was such an interesting topic to hear today! Especially the last part about accepting the world for what it is. I'm glad that I'm already doing that and shouldn't feel bad about it! Thank you so much for your words Aileen! X

Exactly what I needed for now..I excelled self acceptance but not the other 2 . I often feel like I deserve more..small small things hurts mainly when family members are not understanding us. They are the ones we spent all our years with.. when they say we are wrong even when we think things are going good..it makes us feel like y ,y can't they understand me.... Thanks Aileen

No way!! I been going through in a situation which made me frustrated and overwhelmed. This is what I needed.. really I love you Aileen 💛 Sending you loads of love ❤❤❤

This saved me from deciding to end my life today. Thank you, Aileen. You are an angel. I hope one day, I can share my story too...