The only tips that I can add is love. Love yourself. Start today. Get on a healthy diet, start exercising (good brain chemicals are released), find a good therapist who specializes in this, learn boundaries + self worth, forgive yourself, forgive the narc, take one day at a time. It’s been a little over a year with no contact. I’ve grown so much and I can tell by my daily thoughts.

If my narc feels so amazing with his supplies, then he needs to let me go and because hes no longer going to get supply from me. There is no way I will lay with him again knowing he's slept with so many nasty, low grade women, and now has all those demonic spirits on him. Thank you for the video

Compartmentalization....+ Denial

Mine told me "people cheat everyday!" That was his messed up way of justifying it to himself. Bahahaha

My gut is telling me he is cheating. I haven't been able to prove it other than texting someone that he loved them. I ended up sleeping in my car. Im ready but afraid.

You are explaining it well and I hear you and I experienced my ex behaving in all these ways and doing these things, justifying, making up stories to be able to blame, etc but it still doesn’t make sense to me HOW you can tell yourself something that you KNOW is not right or true and believe it, or accept what you tell yourself as fact when you know it’s not. 🤦🏻‍♀️

You would be so good at making a video on: what these abusers are thinking while they abuse you, what are their actual motives what do they think they are doing to others when they abuse specific targets, inevitably everyone.

My narcissist ex boss would run red lights because he believed traffic signals weren’t meant for him.

Thank you. It still hurts. Every day of my life. I’m not a perfect person or holier than thou. I just can’t understand how she could do what she did at that point in our lives. Both middle aged. My father had just died. And she knew she was the love of my life. We were mutually ( I thought at the time) in love. In words and in action. I trusted her profoundly. She had come into my life after we’d both lost an important person to suicide. I comforted her from day one. She also told me her last ex had cheated on her and how much it had hurt her. I told her that never under any circumstances would I do that to her. That I wasn’t even capable of it. Which was true. She spent five months sleeping with a guy. When she finally told me the truth she said “well you weren’t serious about our relationship or me at the time.” Which is an outright lie. I’d literally said I love you with all my heart. I also showed this in my words and actions. Which I know she knows. I remember this as clear as yesterday. We were in a mutually monogamous relationship. I’ve had my heart broken before. I’ve been in long relationships that ended. Lost friends and family to death etc. but I cried for years over her actions. Years. All I wanted was for her to acknowledge the reality of what she did to my face and to say she was sorry. Truly. It wouldn’t make everything ok but it would make a difference. She refused to do so. Completely. Ever. She’s 56 now. So I don’t see her all of the sudden deciding to discover empathy for me despite the fact that I always gave it to her over OTHER people’s actions. She came into my life. She said she was in love with me. She was a decade older she knew how much that would hurt me. I ended uo getting cancer twice. My mother is dying now too. But I still hurt over her. I have plenty of exes that have moved on and gotten married. Or whatever. It hasn’t bothered me. She broke my spirit. It’s beyond description and I don’t even talk about it to friends or family anymore because they don’t get it. It’s the worst pain I’ve endured in my life. Twice beat cancer. Beat iv heroin addiction which isn’t a walk in the park, nor is chemo. But at least then people understood and supported me. I’m alone in this pain. From her as well. I dealt with suicidal thoughts by remembering how much my friend hurt me and many others. There are definitely times when I’m ok. But at least once a week I’ll just sob. I believed she was for real. There were many other problems that come with a covert narc but the core of it all is knowing she never loved me. Someone that loves a person doesn’t do that. Not six months in ,to a man. Or tell me about his “size” compared to mine it’s sadistic and incredibly cruel. Either i feel profound sadness or intense rage. The best option is the times I don’t think about it at all. But time is not healing this wound. It just hasn’t.

I know what your saying to be true. My Ex covert Narcissist would use compartmentalism. When he spoke of his ex wife he would say she didn’t exist. I have no doubt he says the same thing about me, because ,I found out he was cheating with several men and women. But, mostly with prostitutes. Flaunting them all over town, during his work hours. How Despicable are these demonic, reckless narcissists?

My boyfriend has been cheating on me. I have given him chance after chance and I keep finding out that he is still seeing her and lying to me. He says that he loves me, but he got himself in a mess. He denies loving her, but I don’t believe him. I’ve asked him well, if you love me and you don’t love her, it seems like a pretty easy choice to me. And he says over and over again that she’s a good person. That’s why he hasn’t let her go because she’s a good person. I am a good person and you say you love me… So again doesn’t really seem like there’s a difficult choice there. He has been stringing us along for months and I am at my breaking point and I think I’m finally ready to walk away and go no contact. I cannot allow this man to hurt me anymore. I’ve been with him for seven years so it’s been really really difficult to accept , but I cannot allow him to keep doing this to me.

Ben, thank you for all your honesty. It really does help all of us and you're A good man for doing so

You are, your own universe, but it’s in chaos for to know thyself Be true seems the hardest thing to do 🙏💕

It almost sounds like they think they are creating or seeking their own conformation bias to the positive. when in fact they are actually creating their own self fulfilling prophecy to the negative. Thoughts?

My only question is..... doesn't the narcissist understand that all those compliments, kinky things being said, and flattery from the other woman is all false and fake as well?? Especially when the other woman knows he's married or is even married herself! The other women are being just as deceitful as the narc. Do the narc husbands not realize that?? And then, in turn, think about all the kind and genuine things his wife has ever told him, and then logically realize: Okay, THIS scenario is fantasy (the other woman), and THAT scenario is authentic (the wife)..... so to me, I would think the narc would be able to discern the difference, and why would you want something fake and temporary over something true, stable and genuine? It's so confusing to me.

This is a really enlightening video. Thanks you 😊

Finally I understand. My ex-wife did just this. I would mention who she was having an affair with, and she'd look confused. She would leave me and our own son every weekend. For this other world. She finally chose curtain number 2. I guess I was too high maintenace.

Do you remember what’s in you’re boxes that you pack away or do you try to forget about what’s in them ?

Another brilliant inside as to how my ex wife works. Thanks

I didn't see the red flags at first. I was very physically attracted to mine but was pushed away most of the time. I didn't understand why I was being pushed away from showing the affection and being sexual. I was then groomed into the relationship for 8 yrs before realizing he was a narcissist. I figured he was a sex addict that couldn't love and just lusted. Why would a narcissist push away someone giving them the affection, intimacy, and see, only to go find someone else or pay for it? I honestly feel like a fool that I didn't notice this and allowed myself to be manipulated and belittled for so long.

Sucks when 😢have kids together!!! Don’t know to do I feel lost !

So how does a narcissist become self aware ?

Thanks

My mothers ex husband was so grandiose he even bragged about being a narcissist 🤦‍♀️

You say fragile ego but they think they're better than everyone else. How does that work?

It’s simple: she’s not good enough. She is lucky to have you. You are entitled to special treatment because of a horrible stepmother. Everyone cheats more. You deserve more women because you didn’t have enough variety before you got married. Your wife got older and you didn’t. You deserve to pay for 20 year olds.

Question for Ben, what would you do if you meet someone at work or at leisure whom you suspect to be a narcissist? The negativity, control and putdowns are of course subtle at this point. Would you not start a project or a friendship with them?

Compartmentalization ™✓✓✓ YW

My ego took this beating, why whats wrong with me? Why can’t I see? You chose another over and over me. What was there to discover with this lover? What did I lack, to not percieve what was real? Where did my value go, whilst you put me on the shelf like a hoe!! Shinning and glistening golden light blistering, like a trophy, Till you forgot about that trophy, who you boasted the most with, two children too. On the shelf, like all the others, some new, shiney too, until they make you blue. Back on the shelf they’ll go, till you need to feed your greed, now where will you go? Which one does show, the host who likes to boast of his manhood the most. Now what does he need? let’s see, relieve I believe. Which one will show, let’s start the convo as we go, a quiet man a private man, I am. A good heart for a start, a strong man you see. Comfort warmth I be. Just while I see, can you be relieve to me. sexual pleasure is my leisure. Come now don’t be shy, don’t be lame in this game, let me see, all that you can be. Let down your guards your principles to, your moral compass, you won’t even notice! Thank you, oh feels great. You were always good for that tug, flattering me, back to the shelf youll be. Catch you another time when I’m down, and I need that feed to appease my needs. Oh ladies, my what’s app delight, my inbox treasures, that give me all my pleasures. . To tell me how great, how loving the man, that I am. Honesty and truth, oh if only they knew. Here we go…… On a warm summers night as the breeze is light, I thought I’d give you a text to see, how life is treating thee, for a wonderful girl/woman like you, are you free? Oh, has she hooked, we’ll see, the brilliance of me, conversation, the words, they will reveal, does she believe? Now I see… You See, it wasnt Me, it was My ego, that took the bashing. The personhood, that got stuck in your mud. I give my worth, my value to me!!! And if you don’t see, then the loss you will feel, as you watch my heels, Kick up the sand, as it lands, Saying ‘This goddess has gone, and now you’ll understand, that my light, Is oh so bright, priceless I am’!!! Blonde hair, blue eyes, brown hair, brown eyes, black or green, it doesn’t matter to me. Fat or thin mixed right in. Where you’ve been. Because I know you ride right in, bare back as you go, so whos the one, who takes the risks from all this? Entanglements will be, for the energy exchanged. For the sacredness had gone. So pick up all the strays, the disease with ease. Young or old who knows, searching in your ghost suit, for the next one. Where? where? where? Saying ‘I just want to be happy, you see, just let me Be, don’t make me accountable, that’s not me. I’m innocent, don’t question my integrity. Mixed up, confused, I Be, I don’t won’t to see. One day you’ll get to inner-stand. For now I leave on that breeze, upon a leaf whispering, youll see, youll see, all that you BE. I wrote my poetry to help me through the emotional mess of this relationship, you are deserving of so much more, they are ghosts in nest suits ❤❤❤

I know this question is not for this particular video, but I need help. I feel myself panicking and suffering trauma bonding withdrawal right now and I am so very close to breaking contact because of it. Can someone tell me what to do when that moment happens? It's taking me every bit of strength not to. 🍒

Mine would tell me they were just friends Going Out to the movies that they never had sex. But come to find out texts. That I seen proved otherwise an hes still even after I showed him that I seen the text even still said hes never had sex with them. Hes only gone to the movies, but funny thing is. We were together at the time yet I never knew about these so quote unquote Called friends I never knew about them. I never met him, and he still refuses to tell me about them even though they're just friends. He also says that he can't have sex like that. He can't just go out and have sex that he has to have. The only way he can have sex with these people. As if it was like when we first met me which was spontaneous, we had sex the first night. So hello, the first time you meet these people? You're gonna have sex with them. So he just called himself out.