This applies to everyone in every situation

I immediately thought of all the blokes who only shout about men's rights on women's day

@Bubblegum_Girl And not the far more prominent and socially accepted Sheila’s who shout about women’s rights every day, including Father’s Day and how women should be celebrated on that day as well, despite being the most protected and privileged class in the west? Speaks volumes, then again… you’re deaf to any but what benefits you, right?

@@xa5150 Are you really out here trying start an argument over a simple comment? Wow the sexism is strong in this one 😂

@@xa5150 hi friend, you have misunderstood my comment. in short, I observed the men who don't do anything worthwhile on i.m.d., but they will start a small war on i.w.d. if you would kindly re-read my initial comment thanks, see that the pivotal point is on the word "only", as in an unexplainably large group of socially inept, easily offended, yet woefully self-absorbed men -- who (key point here)... do nothing to celebrate or uplift their fellows on international men's day (19 November), BUT they do direct an unhealthy amount of time and an alarming amount of energy into causing misery & nonsense arguments on international women's day (8 March). please be well 👋

Good. That probably took a lot. You're strong.

@@ShivamSharma-5622 🙏

Good, smart move.

yup

I had to justify everything, she did what she wanted. I'm pretty sure she feels the same way

My older sister got herself one of those despite everyone's warnings. It obviously blew up in her face and did not get better. Couldn't convince her the guy was shit for almost two decades and nothing he did woke her up (and he did plenty). Only recently did she realise he was and will always be a worthless piece of excrement unworthy of even that term. But he refuses to give up on his meal ticket. He actually asked to be paid to watch his kids and pick them up from school.

That’s when you tell them, “Oh okay, so when do you owe me back pay for BABYSITTING the kids? Cause if not, just do you know, babysitters don’t share DNA with the kids they are watching…. so tell me again why you call it baby sitting?

As the oldest child to a step dad who didn't give a fuck, and a mother who never got the chance to have a childhood/grow up I stopped calling it babysitting (they never paid me like they promised) and called it like it was, raising THEIR kids. And that's what I would say. "How was your day? I got your kids up for the bus, made them breakfast and made sure they took their meds. Did I take mine? Can't remember. By the way my teachers wanna have a meeting. What's that? You want me to do the laundry, dishes, vacuum, and still find time for a shower before bed at * gasp * 7:30? Gosh, I'll try! And even if I'm in the middle of a chore you'll give me 3 melatonin's AND my Trazodon? And yell at me if I fall asleep standing up? That's just the luck of 13 year old me I guess!"

​@@asherthegreat8687 That's abuse😢 sorry your childhood was like that.

kzfaq.infoArruzCvLwDg?si=35ST8EJGJEZraQQU

Us too!! I always felt growing up it’s better to be alone than another adult’s maid and chef. It’s teammate marriage or nothing. My dad was a great role model too of what to look for.

Love this! Something else I don't think many people get is you don't have to do it the same way someone else does, you can be supportive in whatever ways work for you and your partner. And be open to working on things. Nobody is perfect, but trying and being willing to learn/change etc..... is big!

The same thing happened in my relationship. It took quite a bit for me to realize I was burnt out and why, then a few conversations with my partner to get on the same page. Neither of us realized the roles we had placed ourselves in and how hard that made life for me. I'm a morning person, so I have a "clock-out" time where he handles 99% of the kids' stuff because my brain/body/patience just shut down at a certain point. He's a night person, so I take on the kids in the morning while he sleeps in or has alone time to get moving for the day. It helps both of us so much in the long run.

@@Sandyyyyyyyyyy love this! Being able to respectfully communicate is huge! (I'm a night person myself and thought about if we could work it just like this if I ended up with someone who is a morning person. )

Exactly, talking is everything. Often he complained that I would disturb him in the bathroom. I told him, we have only one bathroom and no one needs to sit on the toilette 30+ minutes. He argued that he needs his down-time after work. One day I took a shower while he was tugging in the two-year old and watching the newborn. He was irritated that it took me 15 minutes to shower, because our newborn had been crying for 10minutes of it... I simply answered: showers are my down-time. His response was a surprised OOH! Now we both are more aware of each other. talking is the key!

I love this! I hope to have a relationship like this!

Sounds like you did the best thing, especially so your daughter doesn't think this is OK.

I used to SCREAM just bcuz you do overtime, doesn't mean I do overtime!!! Selfish, selfish selfish men.

GOOD. People need to always get away from horrible husbands and wives, its toxic and shouldnt be normalised. Everyone should be patient and in the end we will all find the one who is perfect for us (not someone who treats u like trash).

3 months too long😊

so happy you left 😤🫶

Sorry you married such a ball and chain.

So just go shower? Seems like you were making your life more difficult for s**** and giggles

​@@NickNackPaddywack ahhhhh to live in a world where the second the water hits you a child doesn't need something at that EXACT moment

​@@NickNackPaddywackYou've never taken care of anyone ever have you?

​@@sparkyblue7016it's always hilarious to see you idiots make these claims with a straight face. Newsflash, if even half of what you are implying was true, you and everyone else would be dead.

Oh F---- , that "ask nicely". I've had variations of that crop up when I cornered somebody, e.g. "is a woman allowed to be glad when after a week of her being responsible 24/7 , child care opens again" . When he ran out of arguments, he regrouped to "but the tone she did it in" . Don't know if it makes it better or worse, but he really was a nice person, helped out with his niece on a regular basis and didn't get loud or aggressive when being questioned.

why tf, do they do this? I have known a few women in my past, whose husband lost her job and he INSISTED they still go to daycare, while she was at work, and he wasn't doing anything at home. Just watching television for six months. Why they put up with it, I DO NOT know but this was the 80's and 90's

Their excuses are literally ‘You know all of their information’ as if they’re not the parent too and should be informed of their kids’ status (and their birthdays)

​@heneverforesakesme4038 I mean... nowadays I guess they might be worried the kid would lose their spot at daycare and they wouldn't be able to find childcare to start a new job when they get one? That's if they're actively looking of course. No idea what it was like in the 80s and 90s.

Absolutely ridiculous, I can see why he's your Ex 😮

@@Jjojooo It sounds reasonable. But they can’t learn overnight what you’ve been collecting since day one. Besides, even the most doting fathers usually, of course there are exceptions, simply aren’t good at that part of the job…remembering all those details. That’s not to say they shouldn’t try to know a few things…in case they need to sometime…but it’s certainly not their strong suit. Not an excuse-just a fact.

He's trying to undo the history of misogynistic societal brainwashing we all have. It's a big job!

Yeaaaaah buuuuut looking both at the pattern of his videos and the stories in the comments seems like women don't really need to learn this lesson (or if they do it's more about learning how to stand up for themselves from guys being inconsiderate in relationships) so it is kinda about how primarily men are bad and need to do better.

@@ajregalia1334 It's not his fault that so many men don't take their role as a father seriously enough. There's a whole societal problem of people acting like the default childcare provider is the mom, instead of both parents splitting the parenting duties equally.

@@WilliamDancin I agree! That's why I feel it'd be better if he stopped pretending this is something women don't already know

@@ajregalia1334 I guess I see it more as him bringing awareness to the problem, rather than him telling women something they don't already know. I'm glad he's making the skits to help model two different ways this kind of interaction could go (the first half = unhealthy, the second half = healthy). I hope more people watch and become aware of the patterns/biases they've fallen in to, and are able to choose a better, more equitable way to relate to each other. It's an admirable goal!

A good looking wig to boot! Impressive

Difficult question. In Dutch culture not so much, but we tend to be more practical and very direct by comparison. If you ask me what is lacking in this situation is communication in advance, which leads to expectations not aligning. Guys don't just understand, like women don't just understand why their partners don't pick up on things. Tradition might be just one thing in the equation and braking tradition demands communication, but other things require this as well. I am a house father and my wife works up to 50+ hours a week. She still does quite some shores of her own volition. When I do things differently than she would like, she takes over. I allow that, but don't feel the need to change my approach as I see nothing wrong with when I do things the way I do them. I do things on my own schedule and can find it quite inconvenient and annoying if she interrupts this. She however sees it as a practicality, whereas I as an admonition. She feels the emotional need to add something to the household, so she is glad to take some things from my back, because she kind of recognizes that I kind of keep things going at home, while she is free to have her irregular working hours and good night sleep.

Having kids is a nightmare. Single Mom here with ZERO HELP. One horror date in 2 years. He screamed the whole time because he was jealous or so. My advice. Do a psychological test with him before you actually have unprotected sex. And take off the dann Rosa glasses. They won't help you when the Horror Show starts.

There's literally nothing stopping you from doing chores with the kids. Unless of course you either do unnecessary chores or are trying to raise a spoiled brat. The absolute audacity of women with modern appliances to act like child rearing is so difficult when your foremothers managed to do it cranked up to 11. Not only did they have more children to care for at a time, literally every chore took far longer to complete. It's beyond pathetic. Child rearing is literally so easy that we allow literal children to do it, and yet you will somehow claim it's more difficult than repairing an industrial furnace while your boots literally melt out from under you.

@@jamesmcdonnell2455insane take

@@jamesmcdonnell2455 I literally thought about this the other day on how in the world women back then raised so many kids! For modern women, I think it boils down to selfishness. Many woman today wait until their 30s to have kids and adjusting from caring for their selves to caring for children might be a huge mental adjustment that makes it “so difficult.”

It's ridiculous that you have to tell people to clean up after themselves, they should be willing and want to do that on their own. Imo. That would make me extremely upset. You shouldn't even have to ask and you definitely shouldn't have to wake everyone and make them do it, they should just be considerate that you were out all day (not making that house messy) and do that out of common courtesy.

I mean... it's OK when you do that to teenagers and children. They're learning. But that's a whole different thing with a man child. Without ADHD, of course, this needs a whole different approach. And still the person with ADHD needs to work on their rejection sensitive dysphoria and just acknowledge their short comings. While the NT partner has to work on their expectations. Not all of them, but some. (Which is very hard)

​@@yazajagunfortunately it's rare to find people that have common courtesy like you described 😔...if only everyone was like that, I feel like the world would be a bit better 🤔

I feel ya. I go to bed having cleaned the place and when I wake up it looks like somebody had a frat party. 🤔

I feel for you too, except it was my wife on the couch and the kids were still in their pajamas, so I would feed the and get myself ready for my next shift.

I love that point when I first heard it. A father isn't actually helping when he watches his babies or kids for awhile. He isn't babysitting. It's his responsibility they his kids. My husband was just such a sod. Having to explain why I need to bath and then having to bath at the speed of light and not even get a chance to brush my wet hair afterwards and so on.

I'm a millennial and watched mom and grandma live that life so I set the standards at the beginning of my relationship. It's not perfect but I'm vocal about it and I won't do it all and I won't have my kids see it that way and repeat. I feel like it's not love it's having a mommy,made,chef, cleaner when you treat wives like that. Then they wonder why the woman arnt sexually stimulated.... Hm😅

Psst, fellas. It also isn't "helping clean the house" when you're reminded over and over to simply throw your own trash away, still after over ten years of marriage.

Men will destroy their mind and body working to support a wife and children and that's still not enough lol

Unless your kids are under 6 nobody should be asking 😂

sounds like a keeper

Relationships are work and if that scares you off from all the wonderful parts in between, then maybe staying single is the best option.

Ooops!!! You spelled "childless" wrong! I'm married and we both don't want kids for this same reason. 🤣😂 Don't want to sacrifice for them. We do so much better things like charity work and he can play video games whenever. 🤘🏻🤘🏻

It’s having kids are why people breakup not the other person , kids make everything harder ..not for the weak and irresponsible

​@Mama_Meows child-free life is the way to live 🎉

being single and childless is by far the best option, and anyone who tries to shame you for that has glaring mental issues of their own they need to work on

And he shows how a possible communication about this issue could look like. Calm and understanding. A bit defensiveness is normal, but I wish people would react like the guy did :D

I’d like to ask him how he felt when he discovered it vs how he felt before, and what made him finally SEE?

@@sonofhibbs4425 Cause he cheated on his partner, that's why He screwed up in one of the worst ways possible so is trying to be better

It's his wife telling him the hidden gems shhhh🤫 lol

​@@sonofhibbs4425Don't wait for them to see😂 It's one in a million

true, it seems like women have to work extra hard to be taken seriously or we're otherwise labelled as "emotional"

What’s wrong with being bitter to society when this is our reality, so bad that even MEN are saying something about it… I’ll decide wether I “hate men” on my own after living through sexism my entire life thank you very much

@@elisethearmy6451 Because usually women are being overemotional over something you really don't need to be.

@@Janperday Well…he’s not a typical man. You do understand that, right? I’m not saying he’s better-just different.

@@Cybertech134 so are men.

And people wonder why I don't have kids. Fact: as a woman, I have hobbies and interests that aren't cleaning.

​@@cheezykrafts8134Same!!

Mine would spend the weekend out fishing or whatever and I’d spend it doing housework and/or watching the kids. My “break” was when he’d take the kids with so I could clean without being interrupted. Then I’d get asked why I never did fun stuff with them. Because we need clean laundry. And dishes.

So true

This is why we prioritize me staying home. So that I can offer all of me to my family instead of an exhausted mess. We do make a lot of sacrifices to make ends meet but that's our choice.

This comment hits the closest to home. I’m getting grilled at work for calling off when my kids are sick, but he won’t do it. So someone has to.

Mine too.

Yeah, but he probably brought home a lot more cheese than you did

@@jimstam6137 All you brought home was her thinking she should divorce you sooner or later

@@jimstam6137 he doesn't deserve a better life than his own wife.

❤

A father doesn't babysit their kids! They're a father! That's their job! Good on you for standing up for yourself

Don't change it, you will regret it

As someone who just got out of a ltr, my ex has already started dating again and I'm just like, nah I'll give it a bit 😂 I'm taking my time, I've found my peace and I'm not rushing into invite new drama into my life. Plus I've got pets and it turns out I didn't really need a man, just cuddles 😂😂😂

@@Faerytech Right now, I can't imagine having to compromise on so much of my life or things I like. I know that's part of relationships, but it can feel hella one sided sometimes.

@@somewhereupthere785 exactly, it's how I am with friendships too. I just spent too much time alone and tbh I love it. I watch what I want on TV without considering if it's someone else's thing. I eat what I want for dinner. I sleep how I want in the bed, just, when you're living with someone or even just in a relationship or friends, there's a constant pressure to accommodate them, and I used to be soooo accommodating, and it just wore me out and I eventually realized other people weren't really doing the same thing. Now I'm like, whatever, I'm going to do this, you can come if you want lol, I'm gonna be my weird self and if you don't like it that's cool. My dog doesn't judge me for taking an afternoon nap or watching dorky cartoons. If you can't be as accepting as my dog we can't hang out lol.

Right? God women are insufferable these days. I'm so glad I can live my life, handle my things, and not be screamed at in my own home.

Why? 😂

​@@Bshdjdj-lt7by🤣🤣🤣

I'm so proud of her

That's honestly much worse than being selfish and doing hobbies/etc at home without consideration. The things that people do in Vegas are rough. Escorts, drugs, drinking, etc. That's a major red flag. Something like that absolutely needs discussed and I don't blame her for breaking the engagement.

I'm so happy for your sister 😂❤

You were never in danger. Calm down, Trisha.

​@@Cybertech134 You don't know her life.

Yeah, that. Even today, girls are often automatically expected to help out more with household chores or babysitting siblings. Boys, if anything, help the dad with typically male chores, like yardwork. Not in all families, obviously. But the general pattern is still very much there.

100% this.

Yes, exactly.

BUT men are adults too and they shouldn't even be in the position where they are liable to be "enabled" because they are adults and not children.

Finding a way to blame women for men being bad partners. What a male thing to do.

Some of us women do try to have the above conversation with their husbands, and they turn into horrible monsters: throwing a fit, insults, change the subject, assign feelings and intentions, name-call, focus on their own feelings, gaslight, manipulate, dominate the conversation, then stone wall when none of that works and we stick to the topic. The mental and emotional abuse just pours out of them so they can get what they want - which is to tread all over your basic rights as a human being, like disallowing you to take a shower once a month. And, then they pour salt on the wound by saying you're the crazy one who loves to fight. No, I have one request: to be heard and considered.

​@@grace52775 I felt every single part of this comment.

It's not about the shyness damnit

@@grace52775 Everything you just said, I'm living it. End up doing everything myself (with resentment) to avoid the absolute inability on his part to communicate like an adult.

@blueberriesrfine5538 I completely understand. It's like, the only way the house wouldn't get into total chaos is if I followed him around to pick up, put away, or finish every single little thing g he touches. Literally wait on him hand and foot. I clean up after him for, no kidding, EIGHT HOURS (having no time to invest in our children), only to have him come home to totally wreck all my efforts in a few hours. It's absolutely maddening. And, trying to have an honest conversation with him about it leads to him emotionally, verbally and even physically harming me.

yea that's it, they have to be willing, most will say they will help then just be incompetent or drift back into being the same hoping the wife will give up asking, workers comp use the same tactics.

I'm glad you dropped his sorry ass and found a partner who knows how to be an adult!

Wow, where did you buy the current model??! Holy crap! He sounds like a dream. I hope you go out of your way to return any lovely favors and extras. I'm still stuck on knowing the kids' shoe sizes. And I don't even have kids! You absolutely have won. Congratulations!!

What a blessing to have a true partner! I'm sorry you had such a difficult first marriage, but it sounds like things are good for you now. ❤

Has he got a brother?

I buy the shoes and I don't even know their sizes 😅

That’s fucking bonkers, I’m so sorry they did that to you

Sounds like you martied a boy and not a man. Itll be alot easier to tell him to grow up than leave him. I mean, IF you actually care about the marriage

@@deborahdean8867 you’re 100% correct. I did marry a boy who I believed was more mature because that’s what he presented at first. We’ve been married for 15 yrs this September and I do care about my marriage for my kids sake. Unfortunately he’s extremely hard to talk to. Constructive criticism, loving criticism, joking criticism is all taken and he begins to cry and yell and make personal attacks. I’ve done therapy on my own because he refuses solo or family therapy, arguing therapy is a joke and only gives people theories to project onto others, and my therapist sees how hard I try. Bending myself into a pretzel just ask simple questions. I use to think it was just a “me” thing … like maybe I’m just a difficult person but I don’t have issues having deep convos with anyone else AND my 8 year old prefers when he isn’t around too. He’s the type that literally got upset at ME when we found out our first child was a girl because he so badly wanted a son. Now our son is due in 2 weeks and he’s yet to help with anything … foot rubs, baby shopping, nursery clearing/painting or anything. I try hard for my kids because I didnt have a dad growing up. Not at home or to contact, neither did my mom or brothers so I’m trying to “do better” but it’s mentally/physically/spiritually/emotionally draining. I just don’t know honestly. Sorry for the long reply lol. Hope you have a blessed and sunny Sunday ❤️

Girl nooo I'm so sorry. Congratulations for finishing chemotherapy! You deserve better ❤

There isn’t enough ‘better’ out there for everyone.

@@lollian2782 never thought of it that way but you’re right.

The last person who tried that with me was in his twenties and it wasn't a serious relationship, i stopped talking to him because he was very unfair and also a liar. But I am sorry you have to deal with this because adults should be considerate of their partners.

I'm sorry he doesn't care about you.

My husband did this too. Gaslighting. He could understand. He was selfish and decided I could burn both ends, he wanted the same self life he had before a baby arrived. He got his own way. The years went by. I no longer have a meaningful relationship with him.

My suggestion is to lean in and tell your husband, "Yes, let's try making everything tit-for-tat over the next month." There is a good chance at the end of the month you will be able to empathize with your husband's position.

@@theBear89451 Can you expand? Why would she need to empathize with his position? If he's constantly expecting her to be the default parent, it sounds like he's the one who needs to learn empathy.

Yes!!! My partner has adhd and that makes it kinda hard to notice and remember stuff so they, like the adult they are, found a way to help them remember without my interference. (They use whiteboard lists posted on doors) Wow it's almost as if partners are expected to be equal adults in the household, not guests.

😂 Big adult eyes. Truth.

I had it out with my partner one day about this. He told me I need to tell him what to do and he’ll do it (which literally never happens) and I told him that’s weaponized incompetence. I told him he’s a 37 year old adult and that I should not have to tell him to do chores because I’m not his mother. I told him he has eyes so he needs to look around, see what needs to be done and just do it. I also told him the idea of me having to tell him to do chores and then worry and or do them myself because he didn’t do them is emotional labor and a chore in and of itself.

@@aaronjohnson9876 God that's painfully accurate. I had the same talk with my partner when we first moved in together. Luckily they understood and does better now. But it's disgusting how often women are expected to take up the mommy maid and arm candy role in relationships. I hope yall were able to resolve it healthily. Did he understand what you were communicating at least?

​@@tanyald498 My husband and I had the same conversation multiple times over the course of years. 😂 He finally understands. I made a little weekly chore list because he has a hard time figuring out what needs to be done and was always asking me. That seemed to really help. My husband has MUCH lower cleaning standards than me. So I lowered my standards and he raised his standards to meet in the middle. If there's something I really want done "the right way" I tell him I'll tackle it because I want to be the one to do it and that I have no ill feelings about him not doing it. It works pretty well now. I tell him how much I appreciate his effort and how good of a job he does and he absolutely loves all the appreciation and positive attention.

Why aren't men the slightest bit interested in the fact that their wife has needs and rights just as much as they have needs and rights?

@grace52775 it's so strange right. He eventually told me because he was paying for everything (I wasn't working at the time) that it was freeing him from all these tasks. 😵 years on I woke up every single night and morning, was never offered just a lame 8am morning once a month no ...

They were sold a lie by their male family members "Get a job, marry a woman, and she will have your babies, tend to your every need, and love you NO MATTER WHAT abuse she endures!" Unfortunately for them, a simple conversation with their grandmother's, moms, or aunts would tell them all about how they weren't able to get a house/car/ bank account, or takeover property without a man until the late 1970s!!!!! They had to for survival, it often had very little to do with how much they loved their abusive husbands 😕 😢

@B.Harper7 My abusive husband wouldn't even listen to his mother about the most basic things, like not isolating me at the house without a car for 10-16 hours a day, alone with a newborn, while he screws around with other women like a dog in heat. Men are just entirely selfish, oblivious, and dgaf. And, when their childish needs to unleash their emotional instability out on their wives is challenged, they let all fury out in an emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive meltdown. That's just how they are, and they're never going to change. Ever. No amount of feminism, counseling, or court judgments, or laws are going to help the issue. In fact, in many ways, those end up hurting women even more. That's my two cents from my 40 years experience on this shithole, unfair planet.

How was it before marriage? Did things get worse overtime or did you just stop accepting it?

I'm glad you protected yourself from someone who refused to grow up and face his responsibilities as a partner & a parent.

I’m no single and not childfree but often don’t get why people are so desperate to get to this place

Amen!

Everything has two sides, it can be blessing and a curse. I had way more time to myself and my interests than I was still single. But I also felt lonely and feeling like missing out on something. Now I am married with two kids, both under 3 and I wished for more me-time... until my son comes to me and asks for hugs and cuddles or starts pointing at something and asks: "What is that?" Those moments show me purpose in a otherwise completely mind-numbing rot. Or my husband complimenting me on a good diner or handling a stressful day extraordinary well. But, yes those moments happen, because we only have our own perspectives.

Because you cant handle a simple relationship? I guess you ARE alone if you cant have simple communication with somebody.

@@deborahdean8867 it’s not just communication or that simple. For me it’s everyone depending on me and needing something from me. It’s the mess, the noise.

I really applaud your communication and discussing and balancing these things. I will also add that when people want to have children then both need to actually want to raise children and that means spending time with children doing children things not doing our car hobby which can wait until the children are older.

@@sharicoburn5475 Absolutely. It's such a huge transition, and I think it really caught us both off guard how little time we would have for ourselves. He's paused all of his hobbies now that we have two kids, and he says he's happier for it. We go on adventures with the kids every weekend, and it's wonderful. I just wanted to show anyone struggling that even if you're not on the same page now, as long as you have open communication and respect you can work together and make things better. You can get on the same page.

Interesting how you define "cutting the grass" to be a hobby for the man instead of counting it among the chore load that should be shared. Gardening can be a hobby. Landscaping maybe. Mowing and trimming is just work, and it's work that women tend to make damn sure doesn't get counted when "dividing chores evenly".

@@JohnTyler-oh5rs I didn’t feel like making a super long list of various chores for us lol. Yard work is his chosen task. I do almost all of the homemaking tasks. Cooking, laundry. It works for us. We don’t keep score anymore, so fairness isn’t the goal. The point is no, he can’t just leave me with the kids and go out to mow the grass without checking in that I’m good with the timing. Doesn’t matter if it’s part of the shared load. Sharing it means communicating it. Edit: we have very young children, 2.5y and 3 months old. So that’s partly why it’s so important we each tell the other when we want to work on something, chore or hobby. When the kids are older we should be able to just do more independently and not worry about it

@@heather9130 Put that way it sounds reasonable. The need to communicate it completely makes sense - you'd need to know where he was, so you'd know if you're alone with the kids or not. A lot of women ignore outdoor work, home maintenance, and other traditionally male tasks when talking about dividing labor. Sometimes even referring to them as "hobbies" or "doing whatever he wants". Listing it together with working on his car (assuming it's a project car and not a broken-down daily driver) caused me to assume you were doing the same thing. But it seems you're not doing that at all. For someone that says that "fairness isn't the goal", what you describe sounds pretty fair to me. At least you're considering what he does to be work, instead of only considering tasks inside the house to matter, like many other women do.

Oh yeah, like there are absolutely gender swapped cases of this or cases where guys are Chad's but it wasn't the usual, maybe it's changing though.

My husband does that for me too. I get to have Saturday nights out and weekend mornings to sleep in till 9, as he in an early riser. But he sleeps all weekend afternoons while I maintain the house and kids. I’m very grateful for the once a week outing as I am a full time home maker. That means that the Sat nights out is my only interaction with adults apart from him. I do get annoyed that the house is a complete mess when I get home on Saturday night. But it’s understandable as he has less practice with putting the kids to sleep. We do our best to support each other.

​@@evelynn1173i can't speak on this topic in specific but new data from new circumstances actually suggest a total average closer to 50% of either partner being "the bad one" For instance, circumstances like gay and lesbian marriages have allowed us to see a strong correlation between a woman being in the relationship and domestic violence (

⁠@@angrydragonslayerThat statistic is very misleading. The original study that most people are talking about asks whether they EXPERIENCED domestic violence in any relationship. A lot of times, gay/lesbian people come out when they’re in a straight relationship. So perhaps, gay men experienced less domestic violence when coming out than gay women. There is just no proof to say which one of us is right.

@@moonkavilli77 that's a lovely BS you got there. those are stats for my country, not the US. i am so used to your kind that it's honestly getting boring.

Every word you said is spot on.

That is being married to a bad man. A good man is the opposite.

Absolutely true and sad that many women have to accept this as normal. It really shouldn't be normalised, but there just aren't that many good men out there.

Exactly!! 💯

💯

When was the last time you took out the garbage or defended your husband from an attacker?

Or made sure all his bills were paid?

TRUTH. They often try to make you REGRET ever sticking up for yourself so it won't happen again!

I just said something like this

Hehehehe time to find new circles of guys. The good ones exist, they hang out together and resent the ones who throw tantrums and make the "male species" stereotype terrible. And they treat the women in their life like queens. 👑 Don't settle, do work on yourself to become the person you wanna be (I am not assuming you don't, BTW), and don't hang around people who treat you like less than you are. 🙏🏻❤️

I'd love a tantrum. Mine would threaten me through clenched teeth.

You think that's bad? You should see how women react to being expected to carry equal responsibility. Pay the majority of the bills? "That's a man's job!" Defend the family from attackers? "That's a man's job!" Fix the car, mow the lawn, and take out the trash? "Nah, man's job!"

Imagine a man who spent as much time thinking about how to be a good partner as women spending thinking about it... I can't, it's not possible, if they exist the alpha chicks are hoarding them on a private island somewhere 😂

@@Faerytech Maybe you're not worth it.

My mom used to ask us if we were cleaning with our eyes closed. Then make us clean again because acting like you don't know how was not a valid excuse.

This is the FOUNDATIONAL POINT here. Women wish that men would spend at least as much time thinking about how to be a good partner as they do... how to be considerate, what their partner needs, how to balance the work, etc... If that were the case then we could at least START the discussion about what each of us. needs.

and I don't want to educate woman about dealing with it and leaving me be

I just ask my family (this video is about relationship, i understand that) that out of habit and bad experience with one particular family member. However, I understand that ... Like, asking is strictly a me thing. Granted, i aint got kids either so like hold up, wait a minute 😅xd

😂😂😂😂 @ the pause but I can work with that.

The bar is on the ground

The worst is when they tell you, "I don't think we're going to have time for you to shower..." What?!?? That's when I say, well I'm not asking this time, I'm telling you that I will be showering and I'm sorry if that pisses you off 😂😂😂

You shouldn’t. The pause is a passive-aggressive response to a very legitimate need that should not be negotiated any more than HIS behavior is negotiated. Stand up for yourself, girl! This DOES NOT GET BETTER. As time goes on it will only get worse.

So happy for you that you got out! I hope you feel proud of putting yourself first and are living your best life. 💙

Yea I get your point 100%. But it is sooooo much nicer to do the chores without the kids interupting every 3 seconds while youre trying to get sh*+ done 😅

@@b.c.2836 That makes sense. It may not be a full break, but it is a break from the kids!

EXACTLY!!!!! Women “suck it up” to stay married

I realized at 26 that I didn’t want to have kids. At 27 I decided if I didn’t want a child in the house I shouldn’t get married either. I’m 54 and have zero regrets!

​@@GoOutside321is that worth being married though like if my husband wasn't doing just fair share and refused to get better I'd want to divorce him. I'm meant to be happy in a marriage. Are you?

I am continually perplexed how it gets to the point of a commitment as big as marriage without seeing these patterns beforehand. Seems like breaking up when these occur early would be much easier than divorcing later

@@dissipatedfog Same here.

Leave him. You deserve better than that

To be fair they were both being passive aggressive, he didn't initially listen, had to have the imbalances in their relationship that must have been pervasive enough to form a pattern pointed out to him, and her voicing her frustrations (while valid ones) were cited off more like a "gotcha" that she's been holding onto rather than communicating imbalances she's felt that have been affecting her with him earlier so it could be nipped in the bud. It's not the worst but adults should ideally communicate better and more often than this

When my husband tried to use that (just something he didn’t want to do), I just looked at him and said, “you’re one of the smartest people I’ve met. I’ve seen you take apart and rebuild much more complicated machinery than this. Look at it and figure it out.” Basically just pointed out to him that he just called himself stupid. Never been a problem since 😊

If your friend is paying the lion's share of the bills, then why is she with a man like that?

They always pretend not to know how, or just ask 200 questions for a 5 min chore. They know it's irritating and we'd just end up doing things ourselves out of frustration, when really, home aplliances nowadays can be operated by a 5 year old.

@@Cybertech134 I did not reference finances in any way so I do not know why you thought that. He is actually a great guy and I love him dearly. Men use weaponized incompetence to get out of stuff all the time. It is often subconscious and goes all the way back to Mommy fixing it when they cried as kids a lil too old to be crying for Mommy. It became a habit. She did not notice it was unfair until I pointed it out. He does his own laundry now.

@@ashleycesario6089 Finances are not unrelated here. If he is paying her bills and protecting her like he's her father, then she has no place to complain about being a "mother" to her man.

The problem is if you already have children it’s not so automatic. This is why women should be more in touch on how their partner behaves prior to marriage, though some of them are great chameleons, they might be excellent partners before children.

@@vkrgfan i couldn't agree more

Yeah, it's really hard and sad. I've never once had a partner be even vaguely considerate of my problems. I've had to do everything myself, and get argued with whenever I did anything that was wrong. But oh wait. I'm a man, so I should just accept that right?

Yep. And they certainly aren’t getting these vids in their suggestions let alone watching them.

Literally me, literally a guy. Literally here to say, it was literally in the video, about it literally not being about guys. I understand you are traumatized, and men can be shitty, but, so can women, and regardless, making Overgeneralizing statements based on your subjectively personal experience actually fosters and habituates pain that isn't needed for anyone. Not any observer, certainly no reader deserves to percieve prejudicing words. But quite genuinely the video said that it is about being considerate of your partner's wants, desires, and beliefs and such.... There can be a litany of ways I can stoop to your level, or I can help you to see that this is a inward lesson that you must introspect upon, as quite literally I am the thing that goes against everything you stand for and just expressed. Hi, I'm that. And I'm here to tell you, hahaha not true. So anyway, i understand that some one was unfair to you in your previous relationships, but, there are ways to seek therapeutic and efficient help, than slandering everyone else in a comment thread making accusational claims that just don't permiss or facilitate growth and love. ❤ im here to tell you growth can happen for you.🎉

Women smh. Sucks the baby daddy’s are not good because they decided to have kids with losers lmao

​@@glacietheglaceon5584 the mayor of yapcity has spoken

​@girlwithflowers8058 seems like you were making wild assumptions about all men. You said "irl the guy" meaning it doesn't matter what guy right? I don't mean to be all "not all men" but I can tell you all of my ex boyfriends would be the one you described but the partner I have now is the complete opposite and is amazing and actually listens to what I have to say

SAME! It's so frustrating. Been almost 23 yrs. for me as well. Now I'm sitting here with very little work history and not much for retirement savings, while he pursues "self employment". I won't go into that...

@@blueberriesrfine5538 oh what have we done! All the best to you. You’ve worked hard. 💝 WE’VE worked hard!

The fuck you mean "works". Why is "work" in quotes? You women really think men just stand T-posing in some void when you can't see us, huh? If you do EVERYTHING, that must mean that you are the one who pays all the bills and does all of the housework, both inside and out. In which case, you chose to stay with a man like that.

They do. Don't patronize millions of people based on sexist prejudice, please.

​@@brianmoren3780kindly pin down the link to the interview. It's so refreshing if theres exists one.🎉🎉

​@@brianmoren3780fragile man detected

Thats why you’re not in a happy relationship with a family i guess

@@Bshdjdj-lt7by Well you guessed wrong, I don't want children and I didn't just pick the first man that comes my way (I'm 25)... And why would you just say that to someone ? It's rude, and you should reconsider jumping so quickly to false conclusions...

No. It means they're self aware enough to not choose a sexist loser to marry. Trust me. I suffered a fool like this guy for 13 years. It's not fun. ​@@Bshdjdj-lt7by

​@@Bshdjdj-lt7by​ you say that like what fulfills a woman is ultimately becoming a mother and wife, even if it means putting up with that crap lol im sure your parents must be content with each other, and not at all just putting up with the other assuming they're still together

​@@fireflythinking1290this person is in the comments all over the place being as hateful as possible. You're doing fine 💜 you have plenty of time to build the family you want to build

I'm sorry but empathy isn't a gender thing

​@jamessanders145 it might be humans have more empathy for their own gender, but I must admit, more men seem to suffer from selfishness.

One of the futuristic series I like has a lot of stuff still wrong but one of the things I like is that you can register as a professional parent if you want to go the stay at home route and it seems to include a stipend (at least if the family income is below a certain level although it's not specifically mentioned).

Is there a government that isn't cheap and lying?? 😂

@FabulousCucumber-ip9hu France government is cheap and lying, but it will provide support and services for new mothers at home. Part of their FMLA, I think. Norway, I heard, has some integrity and few human rights violations...I might be wrong. 🤣

I would prefer being able to write off any paid outsourced housework or have some employer sponsored benefit that allows having housekeeping expenses taken out of the paycheck using pre-tax money to lower taxable income

@@AngelaMastrodonato Yes. Good ideas.