Me too. Its so refreshing. He puts it in context unlike so many teachers.

That’s where pets win.💗

You can imagine

Just wondering how you are getting on now. Just wondering if you have had any experiences of feeling included, liked, appreciated, or understood?

@@barbsmart7373 Fortunately I have now experienced a true friendship just as you described (and more), even though it's mostly distant. It started two years ago and kept deepening -- it actually felt right from the very start. The success largely comes down to both of us being extremely honest from the start. As for "acceptance in group", for me this is yet to come. At the point when I posted the original message, I have been absolutely devastated by the workplace culture and almost lost trust in humanity -- to the point that I'd rather be alone. So I consider myself very lucky for finally finding that one true friend -- only one is enough to "bring me back to life". In the mean time, I have also dumped three other "friends" who are not supportive / nourishing for me.....Still, I wouldn't blame the earlier me who posted that original message -- Clearly I was suffering from low self-esteem and despair, but I also had not experienced a true friendship at that time.....On reflection, the only really savier at that miserable time was that I was extremely honest and allowed myself to be "negative", because when I have poor social support, that's all I can do to feel better -- it's much better than pretending to be happy / hopeful.....Thanks for asking and hopefully my answer would be a bit helpful.

@Daisy Kia ora from New Zealand. I couldn't write much before because I didn't know if you would still be feeling excluded or if time had changed things. It is really lovely receiving a reply from you and that you have been so honest and generous with sharing things with a stranger. Actually, quite a few things I resonate with. Firstly, the way you like to be good to people. I am a nurse and have spent almost my whole life caring for others. Secondly I resonate with not being heard in a group. I was a very very shy kid and didn't say anything in groups or in class. I strongly remember trying to say things in my little group of friends when I was a teenager. But it was really difficult. I probably had a quiet voice because I seemed to be overridden at times. I would feel really embarrassed easily- very self conscious. I have a much louder voice now. With new people I can still be very reserved. But I also strike up conversations with people quite often. I really am curious about people. When I read about you and your friend being honest, I thought about my partner. I met him 9 years ago. I am fussier than most people in one area. I stopped communicating with an earlier boyfriend. I told my new boyfriend that if he kept communicating with his ex, I would move on. He did end his friendship with her so that was good. I think that has been a brilliant foundation. If I had tolerated them continuing to communicate I would have felt justified seeing old boyfriends too. God that would have all caused problems. Him and I are both very honest people and we get on well. He is one of 4 friends I feel really care about me. One recently died. I am very often amazed by how wonderful they are to me. I always wonder what I do for them compared to all they do for me. But I have done a huge, huge amount for other people in my life and some other people have been fantastic to me in my life. That's the good part. The bad part is that I come from a really messed up family. I am the caring one, the empath, but also the scapegoat. When I was a kid I was seen as the naughty one of 4 girls. Much later I cared for my parents mostly. My sisters did virtually nothing. What I did for my parents over about 8 years was phenomenal. My parents, naturally, chose me to be their execeter, trustee etc. My sisters didn't mind how much I was slaving my guts out or what I was sacrificing. But when they knew I had these responsibilities, one in particular really reacted badly. So badly in fact, that a lot of people can hardly believe what they did. That is a huge, huge story. A small part of it is that 2 sisters, then the 3rd, all joined forces. The initial narcissistic rage turned incredibly ugly. I am the truthteller, the scapegoat, the spiritual one by a long shot. My 3 sisters have nothing to do with me. I see them as rather loveless. Overall they treated me badly since all being adults. So I have now concluded I haven't lost anything much. Almost the entire extended family I feel are on the narcissists' side. It is an incredibly fascinating phenomonen- narcissists & their rage and revenge. I am very much at peace now, 6 years later. I was such a beautiful daughter, and a forgiving and relatively good sister considering the incomprehensible cruelty and greed. So that is just explaining that I have no family left now. The extended family put virtually no effort in to me. Only a few are nice to me- the ones who live close by. I am really pleased that you have a very special friend. I know how I feel having a committed, caring partner. It is awesome- being loved and sharing life with someone. I have 3 grown up children. They have various struggles, quite difficult struggles. I wish I was closer to my daughter. But I think you understand that low self esteem isn't always very attractive. She also has had bad treatment working in offices. She is very very quiet. Women are interesting and revolting how they treat other women if they think they can get away with it. My daughter was badly treated partly due to jealousy and competition, partly because she is very introverted. My daughter is very attractive apart from not smiling much, and she is well educated. Actually she now has a lesion affecting her hormones and needs to have surgery so I have to be very tolerant of her. I try to help but she is rather independent. I didn't suffer bad treatment from women. Nurses are MILES too busy, and too nice to treat people that horribly. It has been great reading your reply. I hope everything keeps getting better for you. Arohanui.

@@barbsmart7373 Many thanks for your reply, Kia! You have been very candid in sharing both the good and bad parts about your life, and I felt I have been chattting with an old friend. What I share with you at the deepest is that there are people in our life who for some reason chose to treat us badly, but we still want to be good (because it's in our nature) even though it hurts. Eventually, I've learnt to draw boundaries and deliberately choose which people are still worth keeping in my life. I also share your childhood experiences of not being heard - believe me, I've also had that when I was young. On reflection, I think it may be because we were with the wrong group of people at that time, and we probably weren't heard at our own home either. You are a very strong and beautiful woman, because of what you have experienced and who you choose to be after all that! My best wish goes to you from my heart! Daisy from Australia

“not just when you FEED them”

You are very lucky if you don't feel any motivation to expand memories of feeling loved and to prolong the feelings so that they can create a permanent presence in your mind. I would have thought that would be worth the time and effort for most people. I am not really sure if you got the point, why we would do this, what happens in our brains, and how we benefit. ?

You can imagine

@Aya Elzarka I think if people think hard enough, they will think of one or two people who liked them, appreciated them, and attempted to understand them. I guess people need to be motivated and to understand the benefits of the exercise.