Spot a Narcissist or a Psychopath on Your First Date

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Күн бұрын

Everything You Need to Know about Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Abuse - click on this link: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/fa...
Is there anything you can do to avoid abusers and narcissists to start with? Are there any warning signs, any identifying marks, rules of thumb to shield you from the harrowing and traumatic experience of an abusive relationship? Imagine a first or second date. You can already tell if he is a would-be abuser. Here's how. (From the book "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" by Sam Vaknin - Click on this link to purchase the print book, or 16 e-books, or 2 DVDs with 12 hours of video lectures on narcissists, psychopaths, and abuse in relationships: www.narcissistic-abuse.com/the...)

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@saltsleeper 11 жыл бұрын

1. They seem to fall in love fast 2. They may accidentally hurt you like grabbing you too hard in a grocery line or bumping into you a lot 3. When they do talk about love it is all about their love not yours 4. They 'confess' to you that someone has unfairly accused them of being abusive 5. When you tell them your stories they never ask any questions 6. They tell you the past is not important (your past not theirs)

@quisop4388 Күн бұрын

Explain last point.

@annebenoit6779 10 жыл бұрын

I wish I would have known all this 28 years ago. They should teach this in high school.

@annebenoit6779 10 жыл бұрын

That could be true. Apparently society is full of them.

@Dist0rtion1 9 жыл бұрын

Aquila Aer They shouldn't censor it from education. They should be shown to the world as who they really are, mainly because they can be cruel, heartless monsters. All they do is take up space and not help anyone around them but themselves; so if they're not going to benefit anyone and just damage them, then they should be weeded out.

@girlinthesouth850 6 жыл бұрын

Anne Benoit lol right

@robertk9753 6 жыл бұрын

Anne Benoit 28 years ago very specific lol

@thewolf14 5 жыл бұрын

They do in the right high schools and it was required in undergrad as core.

@susannadekkeractress 4 жыл бұрын

"Is he pressing you in the role of the love of his life". Heart dropped.

@mariamalhotra8228 3 жыл бұрын

Same

@cathiiannii 7 жыл бұрын

Portrays themselves as knights in shining armour and your dream man until you are hooked! Then comes the downhill slide of belittling you and the cold shoulder when you displease them or act independently...

@mikenokes9292 7 жыл бұрын

Narc Logic

@asmaeelife Жыл бұрын

The first sign is your gut feeling, your body will warn you when you’re in danger, never ignore it!

@jackdauphan2703 10 жыл бұрын

I left a long term relationship w/ a narc female... I saw all these signs but ignored them. being a man I never felt threatened but it became insane, the jealousy, the insecurity, the constant anger, never apologizing, putting me down, everything this dude just said & she was gorgeous! so u can't go by looks. it was progressive, and I felt so much shame.. my whole life I was a happy, easy going guy, always thinking of others... if u see these signs RUN AWAY! it never gets better, always worse...

@MegaLadylove2012 3 жыл бұрын

Never

@tannopk 8 жыл бұрын

The first date they will pay, and they will ask a lot of questions... Like they are interested in you, what they are looking for are things like 1. you have been in a relationship before and gone to any lengths to make peace and make somebody happy, 2 you are the type of person that will always go the extra mile for somebody . 3. You have a deep well, for him to draw from They will pay, they will sound interested, but if he really is a narc it will not last long, it won't be long before he needs help with money, tells you all of his exes have cheated, and begins to tell you "his story " ... He will make you feel like you are the only one who understands him and has a key to all of his problems. The key doesn't open anything by the way.

@tracylent4462 8 жыл бұрын

+tannopk YEP, exactly!

@mgtowmanlivefree2538 8 жыл бұрын

most men pay for first date due to traditional dating pratices, I also,.... my first dates all is a dinner date on Thursday, why dinnner, .... cause is public save and relationship oriented... why Thursday, ... cause if she a lunatic, my Friday is open for hanging with my bros to have fun all others if she makes the first, are day dates, walk the park the beach around the lake, why...... at this point , it's time to talk listen enjoy personal company, no more money is involved, women have to earn me, as a man, not what I give them, nor what she can get from me, it's about time, not resources

@michaelembree7491 8 жыл бұрын

GREAT everything at first......total hell latter, BUT perhaps YOU MISLED yourself, you see, its all about the ride, AND YOU fucked up thinking otherwise .

@EmpressofChrist 7 жыл бұрын

whoa makes sense

@logic888 4 жыл бұрын

Moxiegirl THIS ☝🏾

@aGuyNamedEr1c 5 жыл бұрын

Abnormal difficulty with self deprecating humor is a red flag for me.

@Kellyyy44 2 жыл бұрын

Yes!!!

@lindapryal3573 11 жыл бұрын

Narcissists are cowards! Just stand up to them and call them on things and you will see how quickly they leave you alone. They only want victims. Strong people intimidate them.

@karenzilverberg4699 3 жыл бұрын

Linda Pryal - Well stated!

@TheNinnyfee 3 жыл бұрын

If you do that make sure they perceive you as more powerful than them. They can be really vicious with revenge and can wait a long time until they strike. They sense inner power better than other people. Don't stand up to them out of a feeling of weakness, sadness, etc. because other people tell you you are a pushover if you don't. It will backfire and these people think narcissists are like normal people that just need a stern talking. They have no idea. Work with the options you have, build yourself up and get away from them as much as you can to heal. And learn about what you did Not know to be in the situation you are in now. The healthier your life becomes, the better and stronger you and your boundaries will feel.

@Kellyyy44 2 жыл бұрын

@@TheNinnyfee love this nini, thank you!!!

@gullwingsyrp88 11 ай бұрын

@@TheNinnyfee Great tip, I had to act weak and defeated to fend off attacks.

@nattie911 Ай бұрын

Sometimes this could be very dangerous and even deadly. It's better to find a way to get distance from them either physically or emotionally. Exposing their true nature may set them off

@erikaym 4 жыл бұрын

"A pleasure to meet you...by the way, I feel you are my soulmate..."

@MegaLadylove2012 3 жыл бұрын

🤣

@paulinahope Жыл бұрын

This should be played in every highschool!!! People need this information!!

@auntstacey123 13 жыл бұрын

One thing I've learned to do on a first date is to watch how they treat waiters/waitresses in a restaurant. I dated a guy who was very rude to waitresses. He eventually started to treat me the same way.

@tulinbeyduz920 3 жыл бұрын

I went on a 3rd date, with this guy who I really liked . He told me his dental nurse said she couldn’t stop fantasizing about his pe,$$is this was on my birthday dinner . I stopped dating him . He was trying to make me jealous .. it didn’t work ..

@melssf7852 Жыл бұрын

I've learnt that with a covert narcissist that isn't a way to judge. My ex was an angel to everyone, what a lovely man, except to his wife mother and sister...

@DoniaDesautels Жыл бұрын

sometimes they're really good at faking niceness, so it's not always this easy. Hopefully you got out sooner than later:)

@d.d.4306 16 күн бұрын

That’s not so easy. They aren’t stupid. They are very nice to the waiters (especially waitresses 😂) shop assistants etc. They want to be seen as kind people

@lisaspikes4291 6 жыл бұрын

Almost every man I’ve ever dated pushes for exclusivity, talks about marriage and acts like they own me on the first date. Thus, I remain single!😜 I had a good guy once. We got married, but then he died. Haven’t found anyone that comes close to him yet!

@michellewright5834 4 жыл бұрын

Lisa Spikes I am sorry to hear that...God is with you...your not alone.

@letym2271 3 жыл бұрын

Ooooof, girl, I know. Too many men like that. Yikes. I'm more observant about these behaviors now.

@darlingyoyo5200 2 жыл бұрын

Yep I had a good husband after he died I had an NPD and it was a nightmare.

@veggyburger2844 2 жыл бұрын

@@letym2271 you should observe your massive nose

@ContinuumConceits 2 жыл бұрын

Lisa bless you, l am so sorry about you losing your good husband, but well done for spotting the others! You must be very attractive and beautiful for them to act like that, or else you are just plainly enchanting :) all the best!

@TheVideoCat 12 жыл бұрын

I can "smell" a personality disorder after 5 minutes of dealing with a person. Sometimes even just looking at them.

@smolville 10 жыл бұрын

You can spot a narcissist in the parking lot of your grocery store. They are the ones sitting in the car waiting for their wives.

@freeradicals5144 10 жыл бұрын

Hahaha, too funny! and usually right in front of the door.

@teresabutler1989 9 жыл бұрын

smolville bingo , nailed it!

@girlinthesouth850 6 жыл бұрын

smolville good one

@inspectorbudget 5 жыл бұрын

smolville I had one try to cheat with me while his wife was in the grocery store. He just left the driver's seat, hopped in the back with me & whipped it out. I was like "hell naw". Terrible.

@peaceofmindofpeace1650 4 жыл бұрын

@@inspectorbudget 😳 wow

@osuzq21 8 жыл бұрын

A narcissist will also say "I am not calling this next two days, to give you some time to yourself"...Like he owns your time???

@AScheelMeyer 6 жыл бұрын

osuzq21 so true...

@thewolf14 5 жыл бұрын

Watch for embedded commands and implied permissions. Also, they aim to get you saying yes. Marketing is just psychology for dubious reasons. They study deception.

@rickphaler4234 5 жыл бұрын

Which means they have plans with someone else for those two days.

@freetobemekelly8783 5 жыл бұрын

Yeah right. Letting you know he’s hitting up another supply

@mariean6120 4 жыл бұрын

osuzq21 😂 the narc ~kindly~ decides you need some time and distance when they're gonna be busy with another toy 🧸

@johndebellis19 4 жыл бұрын

I’m confused... most narcs I’ve met love bomb when they meet you and are very charming... they don’t typically exhibit controlling behavior in the first 1-2 months, or until they have your mind captured .

@beaulieuc8910 3 жыл бұрын

very true.

@bklyn2014 3 жыл бұрын

They can. It is very subtle...pay attention and you'll notice.

@linaluna1919 3 жыл бұрын

They do actually

@shanuv12 2 жыл бұрын

They can.

@dancinginthepurplereign4126 Жыл бұрын

They do. Being eager! Love bombing means contacting you often. They all avt the same way

@tannopk 8 жыл бұрын

Does he tell you all his exes are still in love , creating demand .

@jacko3852 8 жыл бұрын

yes. always comparing me to him to ex wife who'd take him back in a heartbeat!

@farahmahrinnivrita9948 3 жыл бұрын

Yes

@MegaLadylove2012 3 жыл бұрын

Wow. Can you imagine. These creatures are so full of themselves and not in a great way. I knew I’ve who was soooooo adamant no woman could cheat on him. Well, years later he found out otherwise. Unbelievable delusional, they are. Another told me with a smirk on his face tht his ex still calls him every night, on wat was supposed to be their anniversary to cry about how he’d messed her up He enjoyed every min of it. He was sadistic and sad. Pathetic. I soon found out why

@karenbonnici6204 3 жыл бұрын

This video has a date of August, 2010. DR Sam, over the years you have changed portions of advice and teachings. As a mother, I gave advice to my children about the infatuation stage of a relationship. Infatuation with the love bombing and the desire to impress you. It only takes a short time to get into a mess (which I call now , a lifetime of misery) BUT it takes a lifetime to get out. My advice in the early days, months is watch for the temper, hair trigger or intensity of negative attitudes, criticism, never able to agree, jumps over to the opposite view of every subject of conversation, jealousy, the roving eye (sign of an unfaithful heart)... And more... these are the behaviors that we will not see usually on a first date or even for months. First signs... run, run, run the other way. I have ruined my life in thinking that IT'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE PARADISE. NO NO NO. Only when you see the dark side under the mask. As a 70 year old mother, I have lived through the worst of evils.

@pendari 11 жыл бұрын

I think most personality disorders cannot be recognized on one of the first date if they are not too distinct. Most narcissists have very refined programs for dealing in social situations, especially when it comes to things they want to own e.g. a relationship. So it's more about finding out about what your dates deeper wishes in life are, that is much more revealing, than the outward experience and their behaviour towards waiters. I think point 3, 5 and 6 are nonetheless revealing too.

@annebenoit6779 10 жыл бұрын

You just describe my ex husband of 28 years. If I would have known this then, I would have never married him. However, I have two beautiful grown children that are not like him. But, once again, you are very informative. They should teach this in high school for sure.

@lauraf.e2788 7 жыл бұрын

What's so awful is that it is very easy to mistake that possessiveness for caring about you/love. I know better now but...too late. Sigh.

@DoniaDesautels Жыл бұрын

I just ended a six month relationship over this; sometimes they hide a TON of these behaviours in the beginning, but eventually it will leak out. So glad I saw it relatively early on. Thanks for this video.

@7immyJ 9 жыл бұрын

Identifying mark #1 tattoo of ones own name in massive letters across their back.

@neveralonewithnaturerainbo187 6 жыл бұрын

Lol

@15-gurdjieff88 4 жыл бұрын

opTimL or daughters name large letters tattooed on Lower stomach ...!

@cristinap273 4 жыл бұрын

@@15-gurdjieff88 😂

@user-yo4re3si7k 5 ай бұрын

Wow, my old neighbor had his name tat on his back. Of all the things you could put there and you put your name. He tried to steal my girl. When I did it back to him, he moved.

@debradeane6151 10 жыл бұрын

Mother of GOD I wish I had watched this prior to getting involved with the Narc I saw for 4 months before I wised up and left. Wow, watching this video I was just able to identify over half of these issues that you described, Sam. The immediate lovebombing, the over attentiveness, the instant profession of being madly in love, his instant 'whoa is me' pity party regarding his childhood on our first date.....I could go on and on. I'd heard of Narcissistic Personality Disorder before but never knew the details. Now I know first hand how horrible it is to be close to one of these jerks! I feel so sad for people who spend years or decades enduring these "2 legged black holes". That's all they are; black holes that just suck every ounce of energy, light, and life from their targets. THANK YOU Sam for getting the word out.

@debradeane6151 10 жыл бұрын

I'm so glad you got away from him! It's such a surreal experience. Really life altering for me. I still feel pain but it's getting much better. They really are a sorry lot of a-holes. Inhumane and I wish we could brand then on the forehead so everone could steer clear. :-)

@mariamalhotra8228 3 жыл бұрын

Woe*

@ruthchristos7174 2 жыл бұрын

Is he from Egypt??

@Kellyyy44 2 жыл бұрын

Debra love this!!! Wow, you are so strong!!! So beautiful to see. I hope I can get there. Love your energy attitude and confidence! Much love to you girl!!! They can do nothing for us!

@theallseeingoracle 12 жыл бұрын

I have had several female freinds who were narcississts, (I'm also female) as well as boyfriends who were too. My father was one as well, and so was my mother and grandmother. It is difficult to avoid these people and find those who are emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy.

@beatapogorzelska1241 6 жыл бұрын

Calling names on the first date? No, I don't think so.It happens but it's obvious and every person simply runs away. I would emphasise on pretending to be the most perfect Prince Charming a girl has ever met.

@beaulieuc8910 3 жыл бұрын

yes, they are cunning. They will do anything to get what they want. Conmen and women.

@chifour66 9 жыл бұрын

My ex didn't do any of this in the year we were dating, nor did he seem to ever care where id been or talked to, but once things turned abusive, the most common thing for him to ssy was that I was 'pushing his buttons," "knew how to twist things so he looked stupid,." He always would say he couldn't win any war of words with me, that I had more ability than he to manipulate speech, which in turn, gave him license to be angry. But he never made any effort to be concerned about who I talked to or anything else. Perhaps he sensed early on my feelings of abandonment and desire for the missing attention from my mother, and realized by ignoring me, that was much harder than anything else.

@Fractelle 13 жыл бұрын

This sounds like a description of my (former) marriage. Am getting chills just listening.

@anonymous915 11 жыл бұрын

I agree with Diana - it's quite possible for someone to not reveal the narcissism til much later. As the situation changes from infrequent contact to frequent contact, they can't maintain the mask, and they inevitably reveal themselves.

@mariean6120 4 жыл бұрын

Trust 👏🏻 Your 👏🏻 Gut 👏🏻

@buickkkkkk1 8 жыл бұрын

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?

@sydnee11 8 жыл бұрын

+Lori Miller no it is not.....the heart is deceitful---this verse is correct, discernment from only the Holy Spirit is what you should listen to

@michaelembree7491 8 жыл бұрын

THEY are like a JUNKIE.......and the drug is THEMSELF......end of discussion !!!!

@fleedopmogu6169 7 жыл бұрын

Michael Embree Unfortunately "themselves" is not really the drug! The drug is ingratiating themselves by damaging others, causing turmoil, pain, confusion, destruction, etc.,etc. If it was just about themselves that would be cool! Maybe they'd leave us alone! But they are highly damaging predators and they love damage of many different forms. Just sick and twisted. But, yes, it is an addiction to them.

@bluesky2648 5 жыл бұрын

wow i just thought about this quote yesterday

@artsyfartsyme 10 жыл бұрын

Great video... but sadly frightening too. I know too many people like this.

@lizzee3727 6 жыл бұрын

These aren’t really things you would encounter on a first date, but these signs/indications that you are dealing with a narcissist are very helpful. You know what they say: forewarned is forearmed! Every good, decent human being needs to be aware of this stuff.

@norxgirl1 Жыл бұрын

In my late teens/early 20s, yes to sooo many of these questions of a particular relationship that lasted for about 4 years.....sooo much difficulty disentangling myself from the relationship - a lot of stalking behavior. This was in the mid 1970s, so not a lot of info out about these patterns at the time.... (believe my own mother was a narcissistic abuser). But there was also a significant amount of this behavior from multiple males on the midnight shift in the computer room of the telephone company.....and males in management....and some of the females.....undiagnosed ASD1 until 4 decades later....

@smilan1528 7 жыл бұрын

To spot on a first date would be a challenge. Best set boundaries, do the opposite to what they want and see if they can laugh at themselves. Haha! I was married to one...nightmare! wished I knew all this a long time ago. My mum is one and my sister is a covert narc. I stay far far away. I am now in peace.

@mothmanifest 11 жыл бұрын

On my second date with him, he leans over the table and cuts my burrito in half, totally unconscious. I did not ask him to do that, I did not want him to do that but he did it without asking me just completely took over my space. Another thing he did, was when I told him my mother and I were abused by my father, he had nothing to say, his mood became very dark and withdrawn and he shrunk in his chair. I could see how the conversation made him uneasy, so I changed the subject.

@annamelanie5151 4 жыл бұрын

Within just 2 weeks of knowing me, he said so wistfully "yesterday I took a long walk through the forest, and realized I found the woman I was waiting for all my life". Made me swoon BUT there was a tiny voice in my head saying "A bit too good to be true". Should've listened to that voice...and Dr Vaknin. After 7 years he discarded this "wonderful woman" (more early words) like I was trash. On another note: my sister is absolutely horrible to wait staff. It's so bad that I've actually left the table and pulled staff and managers off to the side to apologize, not wanting them to think I was part of her tirade. Sister may not be a narc. She has other problems. But that singular behavior is a giant red flag in general.

@ncstarbuck 10 жыл бұрын

Yes they can. My ex exhibited a good dozen or more of these traits. But they are hard to spot during dating, since she might "lovebomb" you and idealize you. Pay attention to how she treats her family, talks about her co-workers and takes responsibility for mistakes. More important: listen to your guts and analyze how it all makes YOU feel.

@galaxychoc82 12 жыл бұрын

Oh my goodness! this is creepy! My 'ex' N used to always get me food without asking me what I wanted first,He also used to send me a text saying 'What's your wish'? and that meant he was outside my front door without even telling me. At the time I thought it was romantic. :-( Yuck!

@maisams999 2 жыл бұрын

The first dates were really nice, but in a week he started to say he loves me and wanted children. After some months, he started to blame me for his agressivo behavior and said I was everything that actually he is. Also he mistreated work people (like in supermarket) and children, everyone who couldn't give him some advantage. Waiters he treated well cause he expected to get some free drinks and information. I saw the red flags at the beginning, but couldn't get away. He was a friend of friends, so I thought he could be only a nice person with problems

@misfittoytower 6 жыл бұрын

After 4.5 years married to a girl with NPD, I'm terrified to meet another one. If you are married to one of those nightmarish people, cut and run far, far away as painful as that is.

@global2765 6 жыл бұрын

I feel so bad, I am not a violant man towards women and neither a psycopath or narcissist, but sometimes I say some bad jokes that I never understood why it makes girls feel bad. This was an eye opener.

@masteryourdesire.4463 4 жыл бұрын

I guess I'll date myself. You covered it all thank you. GOOD STUFF MAN.

@mariamalhotra8228 3 жыл бұрын

'The' Tim Rice?

@psychfred 12 жыл бұрын

As @glutamin111 pointed out, most of these behaviors do not present on the first date. Rather, these behaviors are more commonly seen during the first three months to a year. Listen to your gut and the friends that you trust.

@izzymeadows1748 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you Sam. Just blocked a guy I met in line who was exactly like you said. 3rd date and he wanted to marry me and have children. I was getting text 20-30 times a day. He told me he missed me after the first date!!! He bragged and boast, made me close my dating app after the 2nd date. He wouldn’t let me talk about myself, didn’t ask questions, talked about himself and his achievements. Told me he had never felt like this before that I was the one!! He acted like a Disney Prince Charming. He was too good to be true is what I thought. Gifts, constantly… I knew him 2 wks!!!! Awful

@bbtobler 6 жыл бұрын

Mine would show up unannounced and did not respect my boundaries. He was so loving at times though, and made it about his ‘need’ and desire to be with me because he loved me so!! Wow! Manipulator! These types are so hard to detect! In the end he was callous and harsh about the world and pushed me to anger. He lied and cheated as he had the other women being groomed, all the while professing his love for me suggesting he wanted to make it work because I was the ‘love of his life’! Phew! Manipulator! Handsome and charming and tells everyone that he still loves me! That was not love! If anyone is experiencing this...his words are empty! Very painful. Processing. Grateful for these channels. Looking inward to why I stayed. Peace and love.

@angeliquecimerol9430 2 жыл бұрын

Thank you. You just prevented me from making a big mistake 🙂

@narcbusters9061 8 жыл бұрын

Biting me. Treats service staff with contempt.

@dande_lion 5 жыл бұрын

I currently work in this field. It is a good possibillity to observe people. Luckily I am not confronted with contempt very often, but there are regularily people with a high sense of entitlement. This is one of the signs I look for as well, and in my opinion one which you can figure out quite easily, if you listen and observe well. Not all of them are unfriendly, mostly they aren't, but they think that they deserve better than any other. In my job, they directely ask for the boss for things I could do easily as well (but, of course, they deserve being cared for by the boss), they want drinks and food at first and complain, if they need to wait a bit.

@cristinap273 4 жыл бұрын

@@dande_lion 100% 3/3 times he complained, made fun of the waiter, ask for another drink and asked another clean plate

@lexiemaep7930 3 жыл бұрын

Biting!! And never kissing.

@mcl1313 9 жыл бұрын

This makes me sick.... Can't believe I put up with this shit!

@survivenarcissist-abuse1004 8 жыл бұрын

Sam, You really nailed it! You just listed every detail of someone I recently knew until June 28, 2015 down to the smallest detail. Where were you 16 months ago? Thank you! Everyone watching this video, please SHARE-SHARE and help raise awareness!

@MyArielMusic 8 жыл бұрын

+Survive Narcissist-Abuse: SHARED!

@ropaco6392 Жыл бұрын

It’s easy, after dating a kind of normal guy. I had a couple of dates with a narc I felt the difference right away, they live in a fantasy world. In the fist date I thought I was dealing with a common jerk but it escalated. he would contradict himself very often be insecure but also very proud of his looks, criticized other people who were in the same restaurant just because, talked about himself and his a achievements like in a script but also would depricate himself (covert) pay almost not attention to what I had to say but compliment me whenever he had a chance. The second date I went because I thought he was sensitive enough to share his vulnerabilities with me, (red flag) he as “opening up too fast” I see it now, but he acted like he was perfect. I shared a similar experience I have been trough, but he did not relate with me at all almost as if he had never shared with me that he had been trough the same thing, at the end of the date he used what I told him to make fun of me. Especially if the narc is not very bright you Can caught them quite easily the hardest is not to buy in their superficial charm and love bombing

@carolinesmith6593 5 жыл бұрын

I likened my narc to living with a tamed wild animal. I knew nothing of NA abuse whilst in a relationship with him or any abuse so I found his behaviour totally confusing and unpredictable. When I tried to explain to friends etc, I only remember the above comment. When he walked in the door from work for example, I likened him to bear with a sore head. If provoked- normally me just existing, he would explode. I couldn’t keep my eye off him for fear of him attacking me either physically or verbally.

@lucretiawilliams7975 5 жыл бұрын

So true I’m free I called it a jail break when I got out

@DoniaDesautels Жыл бұрын

like constantly walking on eggshells, right?

@karlippo 8 жыл бұрын

perfect. i wish i discovered you months ago. with almost every example you give, lightbulbs go on in my head. thank you. i am almost free of my narc as he will be moving out soon. i hope never to get caught in one of those webs again. took me five yrs to get out.. i did see some warning signs when we were dating but he was the opposite of rudeness. very humble, always helping people, had a good reputation in his neighbourhood.. how wrong was i...

@oiramet 3 жыл бұрын

You just described my father... abuses for an entire lifetime.... physically, mentally, emotionally, sexually.explicit.conversatons as a teenager.... admitting or discusssing the most horrid abuses and crimes of family and friends.... ruining your life whenever you get ahead, destroying friendships... relationships... then one day you realize hes mentally ill and he acts offended... calls you crazy.... SILENCE OF THE LAMBS.... lived out....Shades of Buffalo Bob but far worse

@crosspatch 12 жыл бұрын

I was in a relationship with a person having borderline personality disorder for many years and I am seeing an interesting parallel in that both borderline's and narcissists seem to require outside validation. This might be for different reasons. The narcissist is constantly looking for approval and positive feedback that validates their grandiose sense of self. Borderlines need the feedback to determine what their "self" is. Negative feedback is also dealt with differently.

@emperormalgus8988 10 жыл бұрын

Bro, you extremely insightful. Im hooked on all your videos lol. LET ME SLEEP GOD DAMMIT

@ccirish4519 8 жыл бұрын

dodged him! Thanks to this video!

@israelfreenation2 8 жыл бұрын

I didnt want u anyway.

@Indusxstan 4 жыл бұрын

Jamier Banks typical narc statement. Why were you after her then?

@saminarose80 5 жыл бұрын

This is so amazing! Thank you. I’m going to listen to this every time I go on a date.

@waiting4guffman 9 жыл бұрын

Our first "date": April, 1, 2014. I missed EVERY sign of my abusive FEMALE psychopath. For years, she has told ALL 1000 FB "friends" (as well as ALL co-workers) that she lives ALONE with her 3 kids and can't make ends meet. Our first couple dates didn't go "well", but I took pity on her for her "hard life at home" and continued as "friends". She insisted on a reg. basis that she and her "ex" don't get along AT ALL and they had to resort to him "pulling up and honking the horn" for visitation for the son, etc. I gave her 8k in cash over a 6-mo. period and ended up buying her a new loaded Civic EX which I found out TOO late, she promptly drove straight home to show her husband whom she has been living with since the day they were married 9 years ago. Now, I'm out a total of 33 grand with NO recourse. I've been told 2 different things by 2 different attorneys. I give up. I am cutting my losses and running. I saw the famous "death stare" from her that so many people talk about and it still haunts me.

@deekircher21 6 жыл бұрын

Why give her so much money ?

@DoniaDesautels Жыл бұрын

@@deekircher21 I don't think that's really the point here...

@ColtdizzleDavis 11 жыл бұрын

My dad was like this for my mum. He would drink and be violent then the next day be really happy and make breakfast.

@BrittBeeMcGee 4 жыл бұрын

I wish I could have watched this 11 years ago.

@sandysparacino5830 8 жыл бұрын

Too late been together 21 years. Where were you then? Now I am just going crazy.

@biancaturner725 7 жыл бұрын

Sandy Sparacino oh god😢 i Hope you are free now

@alesiayw 3 жыл бұрын

Never too late

@pattydillard9108 3 жыл бұрын

You are not crazy, and neither am I.

@ka7astrofix 7 жыл бұрын

So you've met my mother...

@nadcar88 9 жыл бұрын

I wish i would have had all this information 29 years ago! I married one of this kind and my life has been a misery! Not even once has he shown any type of Empathy towarsd me, his Mom , or my children. Thank you for sharing this information!

@thomast620 4 жыл бұрын

Thanks Sam, a really good insight into narcissism. you are doing a great job helping others.

@nanny287 2 ай бұрын

OMG, virtually all of these above are applicable. I wish I had seen this video over a year ago.

@karenzilverberg4699 3 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Sam. You are most helpful.

@davidcohen8283 4 жыл бұрын

Sam vackin is simply the best of the best.

@samvaknin 4 жыл бұрын

Vaknin.

@Sunshine-gd5fw 9 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, you changed my life, now I have answers, keep up the good work.

@kimkoch3272 Жыл бұрын

O my god, this is spot on . Loved me this first couple dates , wanted me to quit my job . Checked my phone all the time, texted and called like a mad man. Once took my Keys, so i couldn’t leave, my home. Hated when i when i wanted to be with friends and family. The name calling etc.

@farahmahrinnivrita9948 3 жыл бұрын

Said yes to most of it. Wish I knew about it 2.5 years ago & avoided being in a relationship with him in the first place.

@redpeterable 11 жыл бұрын

Thank you for this, Sam.

@odiouspariah 10 жыл бұрын

Awesome info. Thanks a bunch!

@deedeeneri8202 7 жыл бұрын

Just wanna say Thank You for your videos!!!! They have helped a grear deal!

@ausrako2764 5 жыл бұрын

50shades of grey summary

@pontius. 4 жыл бұрын

Internet makes it seem that only men can be narcissists but beware women can be narcissists too.

@samvaknin 4 жыл бұрын

Female narcissist samvak.tripod.com/faq34.html

@IDDIAMADU 7 жыл бұрын

i am very glad to come across your video,you have open my third eye thanks

@handsintheair4you 12 жыл бұрын

Can you really tell all this in the first meeting? because I don't think anyone let alone a narcissit would reveal his/her true self because they know it will put people off. Isn't that what abusers do? hide their true self and then trap you.

@FeelGoodWithin 4 жыл бұрын

Thankx so much 😍 This is so true 👌

@moniquezmuda3924 5 жыл бұрын

Wow, this is amazing!

@AntonySammeroff 9 жыл бұрын

Can you do a video talking about the opposite - what traits to identify as green flags in another person on a first date?

@TheNinnyfee 9 жыл бұрын

Basically everything the opposite: Honesty. They accept your boundaries and security measures. When I e.g. visited my ex-boyfriend for the first time he insisted on me calling home when I told him that I needed to, he never said how ridiculous it was. It did not work out with us, but not because he was a narc. :) They are interested in a conversation of equals that is not only about them or every detail about you, they apologize sincerely if you signal that they overstepped a boundary, they want you to feel safe and relaxed. They do not need any approval from you or try to make you inferior to them. If they talk about something hurtful they also accept their responsibility in it, and they do not sound bitter or angry about it. If they are still not over it they admit that they are working through it, and they do not immediately ask for your help and also accept if you have a different perspective on it. They do not believe in the superiority of one or the other sex. Their conversation does not sound scripted, and they do not expect the evening to go their way or the highway. They make normal eye-contact and only the body contact that you allow. They do not ridicule you for anything condescendingly or make you feel like an outcast. They are not afraid of their emotions but also have a good regulation about them. If they realize that you are an ex-victim and maybe need more security measures than others, they accept them. They might not go on a second date, but they will be honest about that with you. They treat everybody equally kindly, e.g. do not abuse the person waiting on you in a restaurant. And they know that every relationship is a work in progress and that you always have to stay kind and yourself to continue in a good way. There will never be any mask that is falling off. All the information you can research on them adds up, they do not have any weird special professions like "secret agent" they cannot really talk about, there will never be any weird comments on their social media pages or weird picture collections, they will not have millions of friends and selfies. And they will not want to take a selfie with you on your first date and post it immediately. If they have many friends on sites like Facebook and cannot explain it by them being gaming friends that are not real friends it is a warning sign. And always ask what kind of games they are into. If they only drop a few names, they are not really fans, they need to be excited about details of the game. When it comes to any addiction, either to their smartphone, alcohol, etc. they accept your boundaries, too, and do not show any signs of reckless drinking or consumption of anything else, e.g. lack of concentration, slurring, erratic behaviour, etc. They do not show any form of road rage or other erratic behaviour while you are in the car with them. That is a lot, and it is never all combined in one person. But usually only part of it is enough. Never think that they are poor souls that only need to be loved and saved. If they cannot instigate self-love and self-saving first, get away from them.

@caucasianafrican1435 6 жыл бұрын

NiNi Na Wow! We need you to vet our potential romantic partners 😆

@narcbegone1507 5 жыл бұрын

Ivan Bryan You are displaying the red flags stated in the video. You also sound ignorant at best, or a deliberate jerk at worst

@b4udelaire 3 жыл бұрын

@@TheNinnyfee Thak you. You are very clear and relatable

@lilyjane1011 5 жыл бұрын

so far so good...let's see how it goes tonight.... thank you for your video.

@manystylz 12 жыл бұрын

once again on point. Brilliant.

@dande_lion 5 жыл бұрын

Thank you, Sam!

@renatafayad1019 8 жыл бұрын

thank you! I wish i saw this video long long years ago!

@schwarg 13 жыл бұрын

Thanks for this!

@IcarusReborn 11 жыл бұрын

My ex-girlfriend had at least half these traits. I wish I would have watched this video before meeting her!

@mgtowmanlivefree2538 8 жыл бұрын

Ur a very intelegent man, of many channels, your is in my believe the best, had I came across ur work advice and and insight, it would have saved me from making so many mistakes in my life in respect to past relationships, ty you sir

@nethe0 10 жыл бұрын

My so-called father asked my mum to marry him after 3 weeks dating and he told her to give up her job. He's been violent to her, me, my brother and our first pet. Watching your video, I wonder if you have actually met him. :)

@scorchbomb 11 жыл бұрын

I love the two top comments on this video.

@MsShellshocked 13 жыл бұрын

very good advice.

@nancyreynolds1869 10 жыл бұрын

Thank You...Much Needed...See You Later For More Info...I will Not Let anyone still my Joy..Thanks

@ssips720 12 жыл бұрын

very interesting.. thank you

@angelsndaisies6188 6 жыл бұрын

God my last narcissist matched only two of those and held it up for 3 friggin years. He was very sneaky! He matched idealizing me and was a little rough in sex like pulling my hair hard. That was it! Oh, he did complain about his friends a lot. I'm pretty disappointed in myself for not spotting red flags for three years when I've already studied this thoroughly and promised myself not to ignore any red flags ever again. I was married to one for 18 years, then had two boyfriends that were narcs, then this last one just did not seem like one. He was so good at love bombing to do it for 3 years. But when the mask fell, it fell HARD. But because of those three years that seemed so normal to me it was hard to accept for months that he was indeed a narcissist. It took about 9 months for me to finally accept it and that he can't ever be what I thought he was again. He is only like that for a couple days when I leave him in order to hoover me. Then it only takes one or two days to start with the mind games and emotional punishment. I think that he knew he had to do a good job at this because I told him from the start that I don't want to get married and I never moved in with him. So he never did hook me in that way so he held up the persona for a long time to keep me. I don't know. But he is scary now. I left him and he is stalkerish and a bit threatening at times.

@user-lt3yb4fm6q 2 ай бұрын

Almost all of these. So glad I got out

@khatijahbaharuddin7304 8 жыл бұрын

A very thorough list. I wish I'd watched this 9 years ago before I married the narc :-)

@deepbluehue3 11 жыл бұрын

I had a co-worker ' friend ' whom i had a pretty good relationship with up to about two months ago when we had a few arguments at work . This was due to , on my part , not what was being said , but HOW it was being said by him ; controlling . I have learned much in the last month from you . I quit that job , as my days there were shared with him working the same shifts, and am happy now to get on with my life , aware now of this personality type to keep an eye out for . . .

@kristorhyannacorsolini6814 10 жыл бұрын

It's pretty sad when EVERY sign you had mentioned describes your husband (of 25 years) to a "T". I've tried to leave more times than I can count..only to be stalked, beaten, or threatened that "IF I DO LEAVE" my life will be ended. I haven't been able to see or talk to ANY of my family in over 20yrs., and I can't remember the last time I had a friend. He ALWAYS figures out a way to break into things I've locked up, find what I've hid, and figures out my passwords (I don't know how!).